From: mew3point14@doramail.com (Daniel Snyder) "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful bride. She knew love, and she knew what it was to be loved. But she was proud, too, and resolved not to give herself to anyone. "On day of her wedding, she was dressed in her most beautiful gown and surrounded by everyone she loved. But she frowned, because she was proud and she had only half-chosen her husband-to-be. Although she knew him by the word of others, she had never seen his face. "'Smile and love your husband,' they all shouted, 'smile and love your husband.' And the longer she did not smile, the louder they shouted, and the more impatient everyone became. "Finally, she swallowed her pride and smiled weakly. In that moment, her bridegroom came to her. She saw him for the first time. "He was beautiful to look upon, and charming in his bearing. Willingly, she smiled then. Willingly, she married him. "What was the name of the bride?" -- Ibuki Maya and Ayanami Rei were putting the finishing touches on the evening meal in Akumafune's kitchen. Maya turned off the gas burner under the pot before her and poured the water through a strainer in the sink, leaving behind some lightly-boiled chopped nuts. She called to Rei, "How's the curry sauce looking?" "It appears to be fine," Rei answered, "but I cannot say for sure, because I have never made this recipe before." Maya came up behind Rei and peered over the girl's shoulder. "Looks perfect," she said. "Now, we're supposed to add the nuts at the same time as the vegetables, but I have a hard time figuring out when the nuts are boiled. Go take care of the rice while I stir all of this together, will you?" While Maya finished the curry, Rei dished out the rice. She set out three large leaves of lettuce, still moist, on plates on a serving tray. In the middle of each leaf she put three large scoops of rice. Rei brought the tray to Maya, who ladled out healthy servings of curry onto the rice. The two girls took the meal to Shinji and Rei's bedroom. Ikari Shinji had already put a tablecloth on the table and set three places. Glasses filled with water were at each place. A kettle of green tea was in the center of the table. The three gave thanks and began eating. Shinji tasted his food, then took a much bigger bite. "This is great!" he said. 'Thanks! It is, isn't it?" Maya replied, too pleased to feign modesty. "Now I really wish I'd had a chance to be here last week." Rei nodded, but nobody noticed. "What's in this?" Shinji asked around a mouthful, pointing to the dish with his chopsticks. "It's not meat, but it's not tofu either." "No, it's not. I crushed up some imported nuts I had and used those." Shinji froze. "What kind of nuts?" he asked. "Um...walnuts, pecans, almonds, peanuts and maybe pistachios." Rei froze. Shinji turned pale and set down his chopsticks. "What's the matter?" Maya asked Rei nervously. "Ikari-kun has a severe allergy to almonds," Rei explained. "After he ate one when he was a small child, he regurgitated everything in his stomach. Then for a number of hours, he kept...I don't know what the word is, he kept trying to vomit even though there was nothing left. At the same time, the histamines in his blood caused his body temperature to rise a degree and a half. The combination of lack of food, physical exhaustion and raised body temperature made him delirious. After fifteen hours the...heaving...had lessened so that he could fall unconscious. His body temperature soon fell. He slept for the next twelve hours before waking up severely dehydrated. "Did you not know this?" "No, I didn't even think to ask if he had any food allergies." Maya moved around the table to the unresponsive boy's side. "Shinji, I'm very, very sorry, I have no excuse. Please forgive me. Is there anything I can do for you now?" "Just get me a bag," he muttered. -- For three quarters of an hour the two girls helped Shinji to stagger across the campus. They put him in the one unoccupied room in the infirmary. Only a sheet covered him, Rei's concern for Shinji's health overcoming Maya's modesty. Helpless, the two girls could do nothing but stay awake at Shinji's bedside as the allergic reaction ran its course. By the time Maya left to attend classes the next morning, the boy's convulsions had ebbed to a deep, unsteady breathing. He was obviously exhausted, but over the worst part. Rei did not go to class that day, opting instead to stay by Shinji's bedside. For a long time, it was enough to watch him: his tidal breathing, the fluttering of his eyes beneath his warm eyelids as he dreamed. Rei knew what men's bodies looked like, and she knew what Shinji's body in particular looked like. The strange thing was that, after a time of having him so close, she began to take pleasure in the exact shape of his body. When he would breathe or murmur words, she alone--her eyes, ears and brain--would record the way that his mouth and lips moved. His right hand lay across his chest at the edge of the sheet, and she admired how his forearm curved from his wrist into his hand. _Shinji,_ she wanted to say to him, _I am becoming one with you. The more I see of you, the more of you that I take into my own self, the more we will become one. Please, Shinji, wake up and let me share this feeling with you. It's like a power I have over you, but the more that I feel of it, the more I want to trust you and share with you._ She let him sleep instead, and kept her feelings to herself. Midafternoon came. Across campus, classes ended. Rei sat by Shinji's side, watching him as closely as ever. There were sounds from the room next door: it was a visitor to Suzuhara's room. Rei paid it no mind until, at once, the sounds grew louder and sharper. Rei's first thought was for Shinji, then herself; then she realized that she didn't know what was being said, or why. Reluctant to leave the bedside, but curious and cautious about what was going on, Rei opened the door to the room and eavesdropped. The door to Suzuhara's room was wide open, and Rei could hear almost perfectly. It was Horaki who was speaking. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that? Do you really?" Suzuhara spoke next. His voice was higher than normal, and came rapidly. He was tense. "Yeah, Hikari, it's the truth! I'm tellin' you, it's the truth!" "Oh, so let me get this straight. For who knows HOW many years, you and the best-looking girl in the class are at each other's throats. Then, when you're both put next door to each other, all alone by yourselves, you just happen to become the best of buddies AND NOTHING MORE. Is that your story?" "No, that ain't how it is..." "Well, that's what you SAID!" "No! That's not what I meant at all! I'm just thinkin' that I don't want Asuka to be goin' through what all I went through. I just want her to know she has friends..." "But what if she doesn't want friends? Huh? What, am I supposed to be a psychiatrist now? Or maybe Pretty Magical Girl Hikari, who just comes and waves a wand, and makes everyone's problems go bye-bye without a thank-you? Touji, LISTEN to yourself! You are being completely ridiculous, and you have no right _at all_ to be angry if I don't live up to your expectations!" "Hikari..." "I--DON'T--WANT--TO--HEAR--IT!" A moment later, the door to Suzuhara's room slammed shut so hard that their neighbor's door swung closed as well. Confused and frightened by what she had overheard, Rei wanted to ask Suzuhara what had gone on. She glanced back towards the bed. Shinji was still asleep. Her duty and her newfound curiosity tore her. After a moment of thought, she supposed that Suzuhara might know something she did not about how to watch a sleeping person. Settling on the excuse, Rei slipped out the door and walked to the next room. Suzuhara Touji looked up as she entered. Touji was sitting in a chair at the table in the middle of the room. His left hand was drumming on the tabletop while his left foot kicked at the table's legs. On the table in front of him were two books, several coins, the chess set, paper and pencils, all in disarray. "Oh, hey, Rei," Touji said distantly. "I didn't realize you were still here. I thought you had gone home, or somethin'." Rei was startled. "I must not leave my husband. He needs me." Touji began to say something, then gave it up in disgust. He beckoned to Rei, who sat down opposite him. "You...ah...heard the fight?" he asked. "Yes." "...but you have no clue what it was about?" "I do not understand the context, if that is what you mean." "Yeah, yeah. Well, listen." Touji stared off into one corner of the room. He tried to scooch into a comfortable slouch. "Hikari...I found out that she hadn't been in to see Asuka all weekend. And hell, I think of all of Asuka's friends she was the only one goin' to see her at all. Rei, have you seen the state that Asuka's in? She's losin' her mind, and I can't reach out to her at all. I mean, I go in there, it's a one-way conversation--I talk and talk, and I'm lucky if she tells me to screw off." "It is a lucky thing for you to screw--?" "Figure of speech. Sorry, Rei. What I mean, see, is that the most that will happen is that Asuka will tell me to leave her alone. In that sense, I'm lucky." "Oh." Touji was making eye contact with Rei at long last. The unintended humor of his explanation gave him a sense of familiarity, and courage. "But, I guess Hikari's given up on Asuka. Or somethin'. Shit. This is pathetic, we can't even make it out on a single date and we're already fighting. I don't know what we're going to do. Dammit, I don't want to see Asuka abandoned by all her friends! I don't want her to go through what I went through." "Langley is all alone?" Rei asked. Touji nodded. "Not even Shinji's visited her. I kind of don't blame him, though, seein' what happened 'tween the two of them. Or maybe he's just sick of the whole emotional trauma thing." "Who will visit Langley?" "Do you want to?" Rei whipped her head askance in embarrassment. Touji smiled; Rei was still too socially awkward to speak for herself. "C'mon. Help me up and we'll go see how she's doing." Touji rose unsteadily onto his cane. Rei pulled back the chair and moved around to his right side. With Touji putting his weight on his left, the pair made their way slowly out into the corridor to the room two doors down. Touji knocked, then nodded to Rei. She opened the door and helped Touji across the threshold. "Asuka?" Touji said with familiar politeness. "It's me. I brought Rei with me, Rei wanted to see how you were doing." "Good afternoon, Langley," Rei said with a bow. If Asuka made any reply, her visitors did not hear it. Helping Touji over to the chair, Rei was struck by the odd interior decoration. Every available surface was covered in dark sheets of cloth. That was not all: the light fixture, the mirror in the bathroom, were also covered. There was not a single surface in the room for light to strike. In her bed at the curtained window was Sohryu Asuka Langley. She was dressed in an off-white gown. Her back was to her guests, her three pillows bending her in an uncomfortable feline curve. With her hair where her face should have been, and her odd shape half-hidden by the blanket, the girl looked like an alien creature preserved for the ages. Touji glanced at Rei with a gaze grown from repeated failures, then asked Asuka, "Do you feel like talking to us?" There was no reply. Touji sighed and whispered, "I can't get her to turn around, even." Rei struggled to understand what he meant. Bearing in mind his remark about "screw off", Rei decided that perhaps he was speaking figuratively, and that what he meant was that it was impossible for Suzuhara to cause Langley to move, no matter what he said. Then she glanced back at Suzuhara, and realized that he was speaking literally-- his handicap prevented him from flipping her over to speak to her. Rei walked to Asuka's bedside, seized hold of the girl's left arm, and pulled it around. And screamed in horror. Almost a week before, when Langley had arrived for treatment, the bandage covering the left side of her face had been soaked with blood. This was not that same bandage, ochre-stained and sanitary. This was a wet white mass almost held in place by a few small strips of medical tape. Peeking around the bandage was something that was not flesh... "Holy fuckin' mother of God!" Touji shouted. "Asuka, what's happened to your face?" It was not until Rei ripped off the bandage--ripped away the sopping cloth, the black putrefied flesh, the bits and pieces of the postorbital bone--that Asuka's one remaining eye flashed, alive, a blue lizard squirming in a desert plain. The river of life poured out through her iris and into her body. Asuka lurched up off the bed, grasping madly at Rei. "GIVE ME BACK MY BANDAGE!" she screeched. Rei stepped backwards, terrified of the demon birth before her. Touji could speak. "Asuka, what the hell's happened to you?" "GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK! AUGH! WHERE ARE YOU? I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING EYE! AUGH! I'M JUST FINE, VERDAMMIT, WHERE IS THAT GOATFUCKER? YOU LITTLE BITCH, I'LL KILL YOU! NOBODY DOES--FUCK IT! AUGH! BITCH! GIMMIE EYES! NOW! I'M NOT HURTING!..." Lying on the floor, flailing about on weakened limbs, spewing obscenities in a Tourette torrent, Sohryu Asuka Langley had been reduced to her own worst fear. The pain of her infected left eye socket had been incapacitating. Her weakness was aggravated by her refusal to leave her bed. In that time, her right eye with its detached retina had seen almost no use, hidden away in darkness. The girl's selfish neglect of her body eroded her ability to think, rendering whatever spark of intelligence she possessed useless. The silence of the room had given her mind liberty to wrap itself around her past and her state of affairs, growing pregnant with demonic thoughts. Without a body, without a mind, whatever traces of a soul Asuka had left to call herself were gone. She was like a puppet of the pain, a bunraku doll moved by animal instincts Touji was slithering on his hand and knee towards the door. Rei grabbed ahold of him and pulled him out, away from the horror of their erstwhile acquaintance. "Get a doctor," Touji said, "just drop me off with Shinji and get a doctor NOW. Asuka needs help, and fast." "Yes...should I lock the door for you?" -- >From the hallway outside, Touji's conversation with Rei could be heard, not quite dinned out by the horrible curses coming from the next room. On the bed in the fourth room were the three Magi, sitting side by side on top of the bedspread. "Do you know? Do you know? Do you know what humans think of the diseased?" "They fear them and they hate them...well, that's the same emotion, really." "Even a doctor who's been in medicine for years will not touch a person with a particular kind of disease." "Peculiar diseases, those. Race, for one. Social status. Personal habit. Manner of speech. Physical ability." "And notice how important it is not to touch them! Share the same room, join the same club, talk pleasantly with them, but never touch them or their clothing." "Notice, also, that each and every country around the world has a game of tag." "..." "I hate this place." "I hate this place." "I hate this place." -- One of the paradoxes of life is that people so close emotionally and spatially to a drama can be unaware of its going-on. So close, across campus, Ibuki Maya and Akagi Ritsuko were have a calm conversation. "When I left this morning, Ikari-kun was still unconscious, but it was only going to be a matter of time before he woke up. So, I went to class...nothing much happened...and then I came here to talk to you, sempai." Ritsuko nodded. Holding a cigarette between two fingers, she tapped the side of her head in thought. "And now, you've failed to watch out for him." "Yes." "By extension, we've failed to watch out for him." "Yes." "Well, isn't this a pretty little problem," Ritsuko said with a surly smile. "Ikari Shinji has beaten four out of six members of the student council, and he's ended with a debt coming his way from the fifth...made friends in the student body...it's no good, Maya. It's no good at all." She pulled from her cigarette in earnest and went on. "I don't mean you've done bad. You've made a mistake like every single other one of us. What I mean is, the five of us are not enough to take on Ikari Shinji, regain control of Shekhinah, and bring the Revolution. Sooner or later, we're just going to have to face facts." Maya shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "So here's what we'll do," Ritsuko continued. "The student body will cast a vote of no confidence in the Student Council--that's possible if we get three-quarters of the students to petition, I think we'll have no problem getting that. We'll do that and hold new elections. If we play our cards right, you, me, the President and maybe Makoto can be re- elected. We'll drop Misato and Touji because they're incapable of serving...so we'll get Shinji elected to be the new secretary." Ritsuko stood and placed her cigarette in an ashtray on the table. For the first time in many days, she walked to her window with the intention of looking out of doors. It was a temperate early summer day with scattered clouds. Outside, some lower classmen were tossing a Frisbee back and forth among each other. Ritsuko was trying valiantly not to cry tears of frustration in front of Maya. The tears, she knew, could wait. "Ikari Shinji will be our next secretary," she told the outside world. Maya stood and moved closer to the older girl to hear her better. "And he may be a good one. If nothing else, he'll bring a fresh perspective. And when he comes on board, he'll bring Shekhinah with him. Maybe, just maybe, he'll see our point of view. You don't think he'll relinquish control of her, do you, Maya?" "No, there's no way," Maya replied. "Even he's come to believe that he's her husband now." Ritsuko chuckled. "That's so? Perhaps we can use that emotional bond...ah, whatever, I'm getting ahead of myself." "That's exactly the kind of mistake I'd make, sempai. Jumping to conclusions." "You've picked up my worst habits." Still leaning against the windowsill, Ritsuko turned to her kohai and spoke more frankly, less emotionally. "Anyway, once Ikari is secretary we can convince him that our taking ahold of the revolution is really the only thing to be done. Do you think he'll listen, Maya?" "Well, sempai," Maya said, "I think that it's a good question. We might, and we might not. It's a question of what we say to him, how, and when." "What do you suggest?" "I'll think about it." Ritsuko turned to look outside at the three young men playing catch. "Maya...the truth. Do you think she's beautiful?" "Who? Shekhinah?" "Yes." "I think she's very beautiful, sempai, but I wouldn't be seen dating her," Maya said to her shoes. "I think she's too remote. Too...oh, what's the word. Untouchable, maybe." "Boys admire her for that reason." Maya frowned. "I don't like people to be untouchable. I like someone I can be around." A breeze picked up for an instant outside, and the Frisbee's path bent to one side, forcing the nearest boy to make a mad diving catch. Ritsuko closed the window and slipped her nose guard off of her face. "It looks nice out," she remarked. "Let's go take a swim, Maya." "That's a great idea!" Maya exclaimed. "I'll go put on my swimsuit, and I'll meet you out front in five minutes." -- In the evening, Ayanami Rei poured a glass of water and watched it for an hour. When it first came out of the tap, the water was in a highly disordered state: there were all kinds of gases dissolved in it, particulate matter was suspended in solution, and the molecules were bouncing around in a naturally random motion. She set the glass down on the table by Shinji's bedside and examined it carefully. The first thing to happen was that most of the gas escaped through the top of the glass. The particles, by contrast, took a long time to settle. They were small, with little mass and large surface areas to their volume. Gradually, mass won the battle against intermolecular tension and each mote of dust or fleck of clay sank to the bottom. The chaotic motion of the water molecules themselves never ceased. It did become homogeneous. The velocities of the molecules became more constant. The velocities of the air molecules on the outside of the glass ensured that this would be so. Before an equilibrium could be reached, as Rei watched, water condensed on the outside of the glass. The border of glass between water and air was cool below the dew point; water particles suspended in the air stuck to the side of the glass. Rei studied the water itself. It bent and scattered the light. Her hand, seen on the far side of the glass, looked slightly blue and off-center about eleven degrees. As it warmed in the air, the water expanded. Touching the sides of the glass, it took hold, drawn by its own slight polarization; and a bow-shaped meniscus formed. _All this is so,_ Rei thought, _well..._ She listened to the sound of her own teardrop splashing into the glass of water. _Is that splash more than waves through the air and waves through the water? Is a teardrop more than water and salts? Am I more than what I am? _How do I know? How do I know if I am more than I what I am? _Does Shinji know? If Shinji told me, I would believe him. Why should what he tells me be more than words? _Does Ibuki know? Does Suzuhara know? Does Langley know? _If Shinji told me that I am more than what I am, but Ibuki told me that I am only what I am, why would I listen to Shinji and not Ibuki? _If Ibuki told me that I am more than what I am, but Shinji... _... _Why do I draw back from my own question? Why do I not want to contemplate...it? Why do I not want to contemplate what I do not want to contemplate?_ A second tear fell into the water. A third. The splashes thundered through the room. With both hands, Ayanami Rei reached out and clasped the sleeping Shinji's hand. _Shinji, I must know. Am I more than what I am? Please, tell me. Please..._ Rain from a young girl's eyes. _Please, Shinji. If I fall, please be the water to catch me._ -- Ikari Shinji woke to a dark room. Night had fallen long before. His head was throbbing and his mouth was dry like lint. He felt too weak to lean upwards off his pillow, but he looked around as best he could. He could make out a few shadows. A Rei-shaped shadow, breathing. A table-shaped shadow with a blueness on top, a blue shape against the black. Weakly, hesitantly, gingerly, Shinji touched the blue shape with his fingertips. It was a glass. He tapped the side with a fingernail and listened. It was a glass filled with water. The water called his name, and Shinji propped himself against the headboard of the bed. His head was pounding, hot blood beating inside his skull, but his thirst drove him on. He took the glass in both hands, raised it to his lips, and took a hesitant sip. It was not pure water. It tasted hard. But it was refreshing. A change, a newness. He thought of fertile earth, ready to be given its first seed. Shinji drank the entire glass in gulps, then rolled back his head to let the water's moistness and flavor seep into his palate. "Thank you, Rei," he said softly. "That was just what I needed." Refreshed, his pain blunted, Shinji slipped back under his bedsheet and quickly fell asleep again.