From: mew3point14@doramail.com (Daniel Snyder) "Who is the rose--it is Knesset Yisrael, the community of the strivers with God. "For there is a rose above and a rose below. What of the rose among the thorns, it has red and white, just as Knesset Yisrael has justice and mercy. What of the thirteen petalled [sic] rose, just as Knesset Yisrael has thirteen attributes of compassion enveloping it on all sides." --Opening lines of the Zohar Come, my Beloved, to meet the Bride ; let us meet the Sabbath. "Observe" and "Remember" in a single command, the One God announced to us. The Lord is One, and His Name is One, for fame, for glory and for praise. Come, let us go to meet the Sabbath, for it is a source of blessing. >From the very beginning it was ordained, last in creation, first in God's plan. Shrine of the King, royal city, arise! Come forth from your ruins. Long enough have you dwelt in the valley of tears! He will show you abundant mercy. Shake off your dust, arise! Put on your glorious garments, my people, and pray: "Be near to my soul, and redeem it through the son of Jesse the Bethlehemite." Bestir yourself, bestir yourself, for your light has come; arise and shine! Awake, awake, utter a song; the Lord's glory is revealed upon you. Be not ashamed nor confounded. Why are you downcast? Why do you moan? The afflicted of my people will be sheltered with you; the city shall be rebuilt upon its ancient site. Those who despoil you shall become a spoil, and all who devour you shall be far away. Your God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. You shall extend to the right and the left, and you shall revere the Lord. Through the advent of a descendent of Perez we shall rejoice and exult. Come in peace, crown of God, come with joy and cheerfulness; amidst the faithful of the chosen people come, O Bride, come, O Bride. Come, O Bride, O Queen Sabbath --the Lekhah Dodi "The cello is the closest instrument we have to the human voice." --Michael Stern -- Somewhere, a small child is laughing. A telephone rings, connection. -- Ikari Shinji woke to a quiet and still world, quiet and still like a newly-written poem. He sat up in his bed and looked to his right. Nagisa Kaworu was squatting down on top of a chair, looking at him, reflecting the young man's image as if upon polished cinnabar. The two said nothing, and the house was quiet and still. At last, Shinji spoke. "Good morning, Kaworu-kun. What's today's lesson?" "Nothing," Kaworu replied. "Nothing?" "Yes, nothing. For today is the day of the Revolution. Get dressed, then follow me. I have something eternal to show you." Kaworu leaped down off the chair and walked quickly out of the room. Shinji stepped out of his bed trying to make as little noise as possible, like a man floating in the seas between sacred islands. He saw that his trousers from the day before were still lying out; he put them on, slipped clean socks on his feet and stepped into his shoes. He opened the door to his room to see Kaworu disappearing around the corner that lead to the front room. _Where on Earth is he off to?_ Shinji wondered, and hurried after his companion. He pushed open the swinging door to the reception area just as Kaworu slipped out the front door. Picking up his pace, Shinji followed. Soon, the two were jogging along the path west towards the center of campus. Kaworu led Shinji by a matter of five meters; yet without turning around, he could speak to his friend, student and master just as clearly as if they were face to face. "Do you know the story of Creation, Shinji?" "Which story? There's a lot of Creation myths around the world, everyone's got one." "Not many stories, Shinji, only one. Listen closely. "Once upon a time, there were beings on this Earth that looked very much like humans. In fact, if you were to meet one on the street, you might not tell the difference. They hunted animals, gathered food, and some even tried primitive agriculture. "One day, one person--a man or a woman, it doesn't matter which--saw something wonderful, or heard something beautiful, or tasted something that was delicious. And it was _more_ than he thought was possible. More than his primitive sense of reason could have told him was possible. And do you know what he said?" They were jogging past the library in that instant. Kaworu turned off by the lamppost where, many days before, Shinji had first met Ayanami Rei. Grabbing hold, Kaworu swung around and around the lamppost. When Shinji finally caught up to him, the smiling boy continued. "He said, 'Wow.' And there was Light." The two continued in to campus, walking. "A covenant had been made between Man and God. From that instant onwards, until the last person loses the battle against entropy, everything in this cosmos has had a spiritual dimension. And our first human saw this, and he was humbled. Trying to give words to his thoughts, he ran back to his people, eager to explain what had happened. "Some refused to have anything to do with him. The rest all got it wrong." Kaworu and Shinji were standing at the base of the column. Shinji was blinking in confusion. "So what happened? Is he still alive?" "Incarnate? Certainly not!" Kaworu laughed. "He died before what we would call middle age. But this illustrates the nature of the Original Sin. The Original Sin was envy--envy that someone might be closer to God than you. And this also illustrates the nature of how this sin is forgiven. You must draw close to God." Kaworu opened the door to the pillar. Standing in the middle of the pillar was a potted tree with green leaves sprouting out of each of the branches. They stepped inside, letting the door close behind them. The swordsman, the scholar and the tree were gently lifted upwards as the floor rose. "Anyone can reaffirm this covenant, Shinji, anyone. A prince. A carpenter. A shopkeeper. Even you--a young man poised on the razor's edge between joy and misery who now knows the nature of balance. You can reaffirm the covenant, Ikari Shinji. Your end is embedded in your beginning. It is only here in the physical world that you can make the choice between good and evil, between life and death, between all that can be expressed with words and that which must not. The path lies before you. "Friend Shinji...I did not have time to teach you all I know. But I believe that you can find whatever true knowledge you lack. We have found something eternal together; now that you are alone, flesh and blood, you must find whatever it is that you are lacking. "Oh, look, we're at our floor already." The rise of the floor had slowed, halting finally at a door in the stucco wall of the elevator. Shinji and Kaworu stepped out into a large circular room bare of any furniture. The floor was a polished slab of some light-colored rock that Shinji couldn't identify: light was streaming through the fogged-up windows that made up the outer wall, and the reflection was too bright. He raised his eyes from the floor. Kaworu was standing by one window that was different from the others. It had a hinged frame that would swing outwards. The young man had cocked his ear to one side and was listening carefully. "Listen," he said breathlessly, "can't you hear it? If your soul hasn't given up, you should be able to hear the sound resounding across the ends of the world." Shinji fell silent. "Hi. I'm not home right now. But if you want to leave a message, just start talking at the sound of the tone." His jaw dropped open in shock. It took him a few moments to collect his thoughts; and he was about to say something to Kaworu... ...when a chorus of trumpets blared so loudly that it rattled the windows of the strange room and left Shinji momentarily deaf. The first thing he could hear when he took his hands away from his ears was the sound of a bolt being slid back in a lock. Kaworu was still standing by the doorway, with his hand on the knob. "Do you want to see something eternal, Ikari Shinji? I do not mean to tempt your sense of good or evil. Yes or no--would you be interested to see something eternal?" _I want to know..._ "What is it?" "Nothing." "Yes, I would be interested in seeing...whatever it is that's behind the door." "I understand." Nagisa Kaworu opened the door and stepped through. Ikari Shinji flung himself down onto the ground, sobbing, overcome with raw emotion. "Do you believe in what you are experiencing, Ikari Shinji?" "I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW! I DON'T KNOW!" "I'm not asking you if you know it, Shinji. Of course you don't know it or understand it. Do you believe in it?" "...yes! YES, I DO BELIEVE!" "And that is what makes it eternal, Shinji. THIS IS THE REVOLUTION. Please...as one last courtesy to me, get up off of the floor so I can talk to you. And open your eyes and look at me." Somehow, out of the chaos and void his spirit had been thrust into, the young man found the courage to stand up straight and look at his friend on the far side of the threshold. "Kaworu," he said, "I almost can't say goodbye to you. You mean so much to me...you've completely changed my life. It would be selfish if there was some way to keep it from ending...but Rei's right. The wages of variety is the end. I guess...this is goodbye." Kaworu smiled one last time. "On behalf of myself and my Father...we apologize for the inconvenience." "What?" "It's a classical allusion." He made a strange and beautiful sign with his hands. "Walk in faith. Farewell." And then he was gone in a breath of air and a tear that clung to Shinji's cheek but did not fall. -- He was so dazed that he barely felt the soft petals of the Living Rose wrapping him up like fingertips to take him home. The darkness of the totemic Earth, of relief that precedes regeneration, washed over Shinji. He did not resist her as she took him through space and time back to the place he called home. Walking in the front door, he was slightly surprised to find that Ayanami Rei was gone. He called out to her in a loud voice, but there was no reply. He walked quickly to their bedroom, and for an instant he thought that he saw her sitting there, crouched down in a corner with her face to the wall. But it was only his cello case, awaiting his afternoon recital. Even Pen-pen was gone. Shinji took the cello out of its case and tested the bow against the strings. The instrument was in perfect tune already, but he cautiously put a little resin on the bow. He played a scale in the key of A major, just to be sure; and he lingered as the eight notes resonated deep inside the body. It was time to go. He put the cello and the bow back inside the case, hefted it up into his arms and trundled next door. Kazarashi Dormitory was quiet and still. Where was all the usual useless activity that marks any school campus on a Saturday afternoon? True, the sky was slightly overcast, but that was no explanation in and of itself... Shinji stepped up to the front door and, just as he was about to knock, the door flew open. It was Ibuki Maya with a big mischievous grin on her face. "I got you back!" she announced triumphantly. The young man laughed. "I hope I didn't make you hide for very long," he said. "No, I saw you trying to lug that case over here. Do you need some help with it?" "Yes, please." On the north end of Feuervogel Academy was a landscaped garden; and in the middle of it all was a temple of all faiths, shaped like a pagoda made out of gray stone. It was the first time Shinji had ever been inside, but Maya said she had been in there several times over the years. Though the main entrance was through the south, from the inside the building faced west: four rows of pews divided by a nave covered the eastern half of the building, while the western half was open space for an altar. Maya brought Shinji a folding chair to sit in, then seated herself in the front pew to listen. He played one song of about ten minutes in length. It was a Modernist Classical piece. It low and slow and soulful, but not quite sad and downhearted. Ikari Shinji put his spirit into the piece, and so it did not compromise its beauty to shallow emotion. There was no one specific theme; rather, the melody traversed minor chords, and the chords followed one to the next. A pilgrimage. The music was a crust of rock cooling on top of magma. The music was a poem written to ward away ice. The music was Shinji. Maya was moved to tears by the music, and applauded fervently at the conclusion. "Bravo, Shinji-kun, bravo! You're an incredible musician, incredible! I'd never heard that piece before, never heard anything like it-- you didn't write it, did you?" "No," Shinji admitted. "It was written around the turn of the century by an American named David Darling. It was originally a duet for piano and cello, but that was a variation on the cello's portion. And a little bit of ad-libbing," he confessed. "I couldn't tell the difference, it was really great," Maya said. "I think it's amazing that you've taken the time to learn a musical instrument...now, if you want to entertain yourself, you don't have to buy a CD or anything, you can just play." "You have an instrument too," he observed. He leaned forward and tapped her throat. "Your voice." "What...?" Maya was thunderstruck. "Shinji-kun...I can't sing. I can't carry a tune." "Have you tried?" "...no." Shinji waggled his bow chasteningly at the girl. "Pick a tune, any tune. One you'd like to try singing. A song you know well." "Um, you probably don't know..." "Maya-chan..." She sighed, then said, "Well, when I'm listening to music...the only song I ever really skip through the whole album to listen to is 'The Thesis of a Cruel Angel' by Sagisu Shiroh. You wouldn't...?" "As a matter of fact," Shinji said with a broad grin, "I would. I'll play the first few notes, then when you're ready, I'll accompany you. OK?" "OK." Maya closed her eyes and listened to the notes in her mind; and sure enough, they were identical to the ones that came from the cello. Her eyes opened, her mind cleared, and the words poured forth: -- Like a merciless angel from heaven, Come, young man, rise up just like a legend! Bluest sea, the cold winds that blow, I stare as they tear through your heart's fastened door But you stare back at me, it's as if you don't know, You stand and, serene, you smile there. Desperate for something to touch A moment of kindness, the dream means so much But your eyes cannot lie, they cannot see the rush The way that your fate has to bear! Someday you'll see all the places you've been and The wings that have found you a home Fly and go seek on lightning fast streak To the future you reach all alone! This cruel angel has cast down his thesis Out the window, and through the blood storm to its pulse If your pathos proves traitor to your memories Temleyakos will scour you with his hot curse Through the fire, into the legend limitless, Like a comet, boy, embrace the universe! Always, your young sleepy head My love cradles you when you lie in your bed When all else are awake in the dawn's streaks of red You are the one we call Morpheus Twilight comes, the moon in the sky The sapphire shadows on your narrow spine And I would, if I could, trap this moment of time The world could all share in the bliss! So, if our meeting must take on a meaning Then let's have that meaning unfurled I will reveal this one longstanding freedom, My Bible, my LOGOS, my Word! This cruel angel has cast down his thesis Melancholy, still face the dark illusion; Shape your life, make your choices and embrace this, Your own future, the dream and its solution: When you wake, boy, outshine the flat and failed mass Burn, young man, brighter than the tradition! People take strands and weave love like a carpet, The world will soon turn with their love If I cannot move closer to the Goddess, I'll fall and, incarnate, still live! This cruel angel has cast down his thesis Soon you will fly across the sill into the storm Only you can now undermine your holiness Temleyakos will burn you a new form All will be yours to raise in elemental bliss Follow LOGOS and become a newborn! -- She returned to Earth at lightning speed, suddenly aware of being alone in the Church of All Faiths with the ringing reminders of her song. He set aside his cello and said in a voice for her ears alone, "Maya-chan, you have the voice of an angel." -- Hello? This is the author. Are you there? Are you coming home? Hello? Is anybody home? Well, you don't know me, but I know you. And I've got a message to give to you. REVOLUTION So you better get ready. Ready to go. You can come as you are, but pay as you go. And he said: "I have no arms and no legs. I'm throwing back my head and starting to yell from fright. But I only started because I have no mouth to yell with. I don't have any tongue and I don't have any teeth. There is no roof to my mouth and there is no mouth. I begin to reach out with the nerves of my face. I begin to strain to feel the nothing that is there. The nerves and muscles of my face are crawling like snakes towards my forehead. I am blind. I have no legs and no arms and no eyes and no ears and no nose and no mouth and no tongue." This is the hand, the hand that takes. Here come the angels. And she said: "A bundle of myrrh is my well-beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breasts. My beloved is unto me as a cluster of caphire in the vineyards of Engedi. Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes. Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant; also our bed is green. The beams of our house are cedar, our rafters of fir." Neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Because when the Way is lost, there is goodness. When goodness is lost, there is kindness. When kindness is lost, there is justice. When justice is gone, there is ritual. When ritual is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. And he said: "Hurry mother I'm down here. Here mother. Here in the darkness. Pick me up here I am I can't wake up. Here I am. I can't wake up mother. Wake me up. I can't move. Hold me. I'm scared." So hold me, Mom, in your long arms. And she said, "I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys. As the lily among the thorns, so is my love among the daughters. As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me." In Feuervogel, where the rain that falls is breath For flowers in the garden 'round the Temple of All Faiths, The children stand upon the threshold of the Crown Of God; and innocent of what their vindication brings When righteousness is melody to harmony Of thousand-tongued, no, million-tongued fantastic beasts on high They slip away; In Feuervogel, where a man who calls himself The Master of the Chariot, an act of human faith, A child who stands below and merges with the Crown Of God; and innocent that one could vindicate belief, That wholesomeness grows splendidly to harmony When one in thousands, millions, says "I love you" from on high He slips from her; In Feuervogel, where tears can fall as death Is conquered, death-in-life that robs us of our hope and faith, When children do not dream to reach up for the Crown Of God; and gnosis tells us vindication will not come, That boy will fall from grace, and fall down on his knees; Because, inside her heart, a million years is like a day, She will catch him. As surely as fields of flowers carved from stone are found in Heaven, these words are true. -- They were left trembling from the experience. Neither one of them spoke for a half an hour. Side by side on the pew, his body smaller and less developed, lying before hers. There was an odor of fluids in the air. Their breaths came in beautiful rhythm. Finally, perhaps before it was quite appropriate, she spoke. "I forgot everything. I'm still not quite sure how I got here, or what I'm going to do next. I can't remember when my birthday is, or how to read. The only reason I remember you, Shinji," she said with a gentle kiss on his cheek, "is that your name is tied forever to the feelings in my heart right now." His turn came. "I think I almost died. I think I would have died, because I found God in you and your love...but then, I found you in God's love, and it was calling me back. Thank you, Maya. Your love saved me from the brink of insanity." "What's it like?" Maya asked. "To find God? I can't even begin to explain!" "You're silly. You're precious and you're silly." Lackadaisically, she pulled his body closer to hers. "Tell me what it's like to be Shinji and I'll figure out the details myself." He kissed Maya on the nose, slipped a leg around her knees and began to talk. "I remember when I was a very small boy. I want to say that I was five, but I don't think I ever went to the park after my mother died, so maybe it was earlier. I was in the park, and I was there for a long time, all afternoon, perhaps. It had rained the night before, so the sand in the sandbox was damp. It was perfect for making a sand castle. "So I made the perfect sand castle. There was a central, you know, castle thing in the middle, and there was a wall around that, and there were towers at each corner. And I finished it off by digging a moat around the whole thing. "And then I smashed it to pieces. I smashed it all." Maya was startled. "Why did you do that?" she said, sitting up. "Because it was perfect. Because I'd made something perfect and beautiful, and I wanted to show the world that I was bigger and stronger than something that was perfect." He cleared his throat and added, "The instant I was done, I felt miserable because my perfect sand castle was gone, and I hadn't changed any. I've felt bad in secret about it for years." Maya said, "I don't know what to do in a situation like this, Shinji- kun. Where you've said something so beautiful and true, but it's so sad at the same time." "You could try smiling," he said. "That would make me feel better." She smiled. She looked beautiful, and then she said, "Can I give you a kiss, too?" "You may." She gave him a kiss, and he gave her one back. "Now it's your turn. Tell me something about you nobody else in the whole world knows." "OK." Maya paused for a moment, and a solemn look swept across her face. "Shinji...I told you a white lie." "Eh? What do you mean?" "About me and the gym class. I mean, I only told you part of it." A lump was forming in her throat, she tried to swallow it. "I mean, I don't like gym class, I don't like putting on bloomers in front of all the other girls and having to run and jump around and stuff...but I could learn to live with it. "The real truth...is that I wanted to fail out of Feuervogel and go home to my parents." Ibuki Maya's voice became softer and softer. "They worked so hard to get me into school here, Shinji-kun, it never even crossed my mind until after I was already failing that they might be ashamed of me. They might be embarrassed that their only child couldn't last even one little semester here in high school. God! I was so scared when my case came up before the school board!" She started crying. Shinji drew her tighter into his embrace, and she rested her head against his. "I told them the first thing that popped into my head, 'cause I'd met Juri-sempai before and she seemed like a nice sort of person, and...I've never...told her how grateful I was for letting me onto the team. Every practice of every day, I've never once forgotten how kind she and Ritsuko-sempai were to help me out. But...the worst part...was that, when I called them on the phone after the first semester...I lied to them, like I lied to you and everyone else...and they were proud of me! PROUD! They thought that I was creative and hard-working 'cause I'd found my way into a situation I didn't like and I'd found my way out, when the truth wasn't like that at all! I was just stupid and reckless and so sick lonesome for them...I'm amazed Kanae-chan never noticed how often I've cried myself to sleep." "Maya-chan," Shinji said, "your parents had every reason to be proud of you. The fact is that not only did you make good on your fencing practice, but you also fought against your loneliness. How many times did you see them after you came here?" "Not once. Not once." "But you found friends, and you became the Housing Vice President. Your life is a success, Ibuki Maya. Your parents would be proud to see you now." She cried openly for several minutes when she heard those words. "You should have met them, Shinji-kun," she told him when she was calm again. "They were the gentlest, sweetest, most generous people ever. I loved them. Shinji-kun, don't say anything, just hold me for a while and help me put the pain behind me." "I think you're the most wonderful person in the world, Maya." "...you can say that." -- "A little lower...there! Right there, please." Maya arched her back as Shinji rubbed the washrag firmly against her skin. She shifted to one side and then the other as he gave her back and shoulders a thorough cleaning. Soon he was dipping a small bowl into the furo, pouring clean water over her to wash away the suds. "Ready to soak?" "Yep!" Shinji stepped into the furo and offered Maya his hand, helping her into the bath. As one they sank into the warm water. Maya leaned back against Shinji's chest, closing her eyes and resting her head against his left shoulder. Playfully, he scooped up some water in his hand and drizzled it over her face and chest. "Well," she sighed, "what happens now?" "Now we learn to live together...by living together. Maya-chan, you're the friend and companion I want. I promise you, I will work to make everything all right between the two of us." "I promise too. But," Maya continued, "you made one condition of this love that you would put God before me. I understand why and I've accepted it. What does it entail, Shinji-kun? Tell me. I think I need to know now." He scooped up more water. "If you say no, Maya, I will not strive in earnest to be closer to my God than I am at this moment. It's too dangerous to go alone, Maya-chan. I feel the Breath of God on one side of me, and on the other, the One Who Breathes." It was a pun on the spelling of Maya's family name. "I could never throw my life away when you are here. I will express my love and devotion to God a different way. I will bring others closer. Anyone who can listen. I'll teach kendo. Teaching may take away time when it could be just the two of us...that's what it entails. Is that too much?" "Teach me, Shinji-kun!" The young woman rolled over onto her stomach and wrapped her arms around his neck. The water on her breast formed a seal between his chest and her own, her heart and his own. "You've brought such magnificence to this campus, Shinji-kun. Maybe nobody else appreciates it. I do. I want to see what you've seen." "Everything I know about I've found on this campus, Maya. It's everywhere I look." The words were no sooner out of his mouth than his eyes lit up, like winds roaring through the summer sky. Laugher burst out of his mouth; exuberant, rowdy laughter. Still with his beloved in his arms, he sat up excitedly. "Maya! Maya! We've been wrong! We've had it backwards this whole time!" "Eh? What on Earth are you talking about, Shinji-kun?" Shinji moved Maya onto his lap and spoke triumphantly, like a celestial detective. "Maya-chan, listen. We've been wrong this whole time. My father didn't destroy the outside world, he's destroying Feuervogel! Because my mother is here--he's separated the Academy from the rest of reality. Maya-chan, your parents and all your friends outside are still just fine. As soon as we walk outside, you'll find them there." "R--really, Shinji? You think so?" "Of course!" He swept his arm around the room and said, "This world is just an illusion, begun by my father and perpetuated by my mother. He couldn't defeat her by building Akumafune over the Living Rose. So instead he sent me to Feuervogel and created the illusion that the outside world was destroyed. If I had taken Rei as my wife, the Living Rose would believe the illusion and my father would become powerful enough to bring her back. But the instant I leave...my mother has nothing to fight my father for. And then..." "Shinji...don't leave. Not now. You can't leave..." Ibuki Maya looked at Ikari Shinji the way the neighborhood stray watches her home town burn to the ground. "Shinji, you...I've caught a glimpse of how you've changed over these past few weeks, Shinji-kun, don't pull it away! Oh, for the love of everything beautiful, don't pull it away! Can't you understand how selfish it would be? To leave me alone when I have so much to learn from you? I can't do it alone, Shinji, no more than you could have. "You told me that you would put God before me, Shinji, but this isn't that at all! If you go...I won't be here to tell everyone what you've done. If you go, I'll have to learn the way by myself, from scratch, and that's not right! Please, Shinji, stay. Stay and teach me, and make love to me, and promise you won't...at least...you won't leave before your time." He took her hand in his own and kissed every finger. "Maya, I promise you, " he said, "with all my heart, I will stay. I could never hurt you. I could never go if you could not follow me. I will teach you to walk, and then you can run on your own." In their shifting touches and the dance of sun and shadow, their love became immortal. So gentle it could grind stones into dust. So powerful it could raise and quell the wind.