From: Jim Lazar [EVA][Fanfic][Lime] Garden of EVA 0:1 - Reality Bites ======================================================================= Garden of EVA 0:1 - Reality Bites Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and Copyright 1998 by Jim Lazar A biting series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion ======================================================================= Spoiler warning: This story contains references to episode 26 of the Neon Genesis Evangelion TV series. If you have not seen that episode, this story may contain spoilers and/or spoiled food. Also, seeing that episode would be helpful to fully enjoy this story (I was going to say understanding that episode would be helpful, but I still haven't fully figured it out myself). This story has no connection with any of the Eva movies (mostly because I have not seen any of the movies). ======================================================================= Naughty words warning: There be some bad words in this here story. Rather than bleep them out or tone them down, I'm just warning you. Live with it. ======================================================================= Naked people warning: There be some naked people in this story. Unlike the Eva anime, they do have nipples and other bits. Of course, you have to use your imagination to see them anyway. ======================================================================= Sex warning: No sex to speak of in this story. Well, some talk of sex, but no actual sex acts. Well, that depends on your definition of sex acts, I guess. ======================================================================= Warning warning: There are no more warnings in this story. ======================================================================= "Unit 01, Angel at 9 o'clock." "I've got it. Asuka, take the Angel on your right. I'll take this new one," Shinji called out. He quickly adjusted his Eva's controls and his Eva Unit 01 lumbered to engage the new threat. "Who put you in command?!" an angry female voice replied over the intercom. Shinji sighed. It was like this every time they piloted the Evas. "Just do it, you're closer to that one!" Shinji yelled back. "Jackass," Asuka replied. Then her Eva Unit 02 launched a volley of high-powered bullets at her target. "You'd be better off using hand to hand with that Angel," a calm female voice informed Asuka. "When I want your advice, I'll ask for it!" Shinji was wrestling with an Angel that was twice the size of his Eva. He tried to get his progressive knife into the Angel's core, but it kept moving around the body to avoid the knife. "Damn it!" Shinji cursed as an explosion rocked his entry plug. He turned his Eva's head to find the source. It was Unit 00. "Rei!" "I am undamaged," Rei replied. Shinji returned to trying to kill his Angel. He grinned as he finally found the core with his blade. The Angel exploded underneath him and sent him flying backward to land on top of Eva Unit 02. "Get off of me, Shinji!" Asuka called. "I'm not doing this because I like you!" Shinji screamed back. He tried to move his Eva off Eva Unit 02, but the Angel Asuka was fighting had wrapped an elastic arm around both of them. "Hey look! Shinji and Asuka are doing it!" Touji called out. "Pervert! Just fight your own Angel and leave the lovebirds alone!" Hikari scolded Touji. "We are not! Our Eva's are just tangled up!" Asuka insisted. "Very well, I'll take care of this," Rei said. Soon, Eva Unit 00 deftly destroyed the Angel holding Units 01 and 02 in their doggy style position. As the Angel exploded, the three Eva units were blasted in all directions. Touji was chasing a glowing Angel through the streets of Tokyo-3 in his Eva Unit 03 and used his Eva's flexible arms to strangle the glowing Angel in front of him. With a sickening sucking sound, the Angel's head popped off and a bloody mess fell to the ground. "Cool!" Touji exclaimed. "Oh, that's just sick," Hikari said, holding back her lunch. She then pivoted her Eva Unit 06 quickly to dodge the Angel who was rushing at her back. With a graceful sweep of her long progressive sword, she cut the Angel in half. She smirked. Poetry in motion was the best way to deal with Angels. "Nice form, Hikari," Kensuke called out, just as he used his Eva Unit 05 to toss an Angel into an energy barrier that the ground forces had erected nearby. The Angel exploded along with a chorus of song. "Hey! Quit hitting on my babe!" Touji snapped. "I'm not a babe! You Neanderthal!" Shinji had gotten his Eva Unit 01 back to it's feet and was scanning for an Angel to attack. He spotted one advancing on the group of Evas from his left; he raced off towards it. "Die!" he screamed, as he grabbed a huge rifle from a nearby ammunition building. He swung the rifle up and blasted the Angel repeatedly. The Angel's advance was slowed by his shots, but not stopped. Suddenly, Eva Unit 00 was in front of Shinji. It was facing him and appeared to be grinning, but that couldn't be. Shinji was so surprised at it's appearance that he didn't even get an arm up to block the knife that Unit 00 thrust deep into his Eva's head. The knife sliced through the armor of Unit 01's head and projected out the back. A dark red liquid oozed out. Shinji saw Unit 00 start to pull his Eva's arm off just before his controls all went dead and he was left in darkness. "Damn it! Why did you do that, Rei?!" Shinji shouted, but got no response since his systems were all dead. After he had run through every swear word he knew, and some that he just made up, his entry plug opened up. Shinji crawled out. Rei was standing over him in her school uniform. Rei grinned and put her hand on her hips. "That's for looking at my panties after school," Rei said, then added, "Not to mention on my first day of school, too!!!" "That was an accident!" Shinji insisted. "Yeah, right. Hikari filled me in on you and the rest of the Idiot Trio," Rei said. "And how in the hell is flipping my skirt up after school an accident?" "Fine then. If all it cost me was losing a dumb VR game, it was worth it for a peek at your panties!" Shinji snapped back at Rei, grinning. "A nice pink lace, with little hearts on them...if I remember correctly." Rei blushed. He had gotten a good look at them after all. "That's the last time you'll ever see them! Pervert!" Rei informed Shinji and stormed out of the game area. Shinji watched her leave, then was joined by Touji and Kensuke. "Oh yeah...she has the love jones for me," Shinji said. "She hides it well," Kensuke said, smirking. "So, Shinji...what was it like to hump Asuka?" Touji asked. "Huh? Oh...that was nothing." "Tell me about it... I didn't even feel it," Asuka said, as she walked up behind the Idiot Trio. "But since I have seen you naked it actually was pretty realistic." She smiled at Shinji and made her exit. "Hey! It was cold this morning!" Shinji shouted at her back. "Bitch," he muttered. "Okay you three morons! Get out of the game area and we can see how pitifully you did," Hikari commanded, then herded them out. The next group of Eva pilots crawled into the game entry plugs. -E- -V- -A- They all sat in the food court at the shopping center where the Evangelion game center was. "That was a fun game, until Rei killed me," Shinji remarked, glaring at Rei. Rei stuck her tongue out at Shinji, then leaned in to take a sip of her drink. She winced in pain as the straw jabbed into her still extended tongue. She gasped, then rubbed her hurt tongue. The gang all started to chuckle. "Hey, Shinji! Why don't you kiss Rei's tongue to make it feel better!" Touji said, pushing Shinji closer to Rei. "Hey! Cut that out!" Shinji exclaimed, taking a lingering look at Rei. "If only those Eva units were real. It'd be really cool to pilot them," Kensuke said, examining a schematic book of the game Evas. "I guess, but Shinji would want his to be anatomically correct," Asuka remarked. "I already said that was an accident!" Shinji insisted. "Shinji loves Asuka. Shinji loves Asuka!" Touji and Kensuke taunted. "Cut that out!" Shinji yelled. Ignoring the three stooges, Hikari examined their scorecards. "Looks like Rei beat us all on points scored." "How the fuck did she do that?" Asuka screamed, jumping to her feet and pounding the table. "Well, she got a big bonus for killing Shinji," Hikari explained, pointing to the scorecard. "Well, that's easy enough to emulate," Asuka remarked, grinning at Shinji. "Damn. No fair ganging up on me! Asuka, you're just mad because you're not number one anymore!" Shinji exclaimed. "Well, we'll see how 'Wondergirl' does in tomorrow's game." "Tomorrow?" Rei asked. "Well, can't beat me and then not give me a rematch. Can you?" Asuka asked, then smiled at Rei. "You're on, Asuka," Rei replied, then added, "We can take turns killing Shinji." Shinji grew pale. Kensuke looked up from the blueprints, adjusted his glasses, and said, "Maybe I'll use Unit 01 tomorrow. It seems to respond a little quicker than the later models. Shinji yelled, "No! I always use Unit 01!" "He's so set in his ways, isn't he?" Rei asked Asuka. "Yeah, but if you hit him hard enough he bends," Asuka quipped. Asuka slurped down some sort of gelatinous food, then asked, "Rei...how did you know about Unit 00, anyway? It's not listed in any of the Eva books." "Oh...I used to play Eva down in Osaka-2. One of the Eva-heads down there discovered the secret prototype Eva in the program," Rei explained, awkwardly. "Is that how you found out how to override the lockout on killing your teammates?" Touji asked. "Yup. Just wait till you see what I show you tomorrow," Rei said, smiling knowingly. -E- -V- -A- The gang walked home from the mall, Rei and Hikari brought up the rear. "So...is Asuka really Shinji's girlfriend?" Rei asked Hikari, softly. Hikari replied, "Not that I know of. They just grew up together." Upon hearing this, a small smile crossed Rei's face. She looked at all of the cute butts in front of her as she walked. She wore a large smile by the time she got home. "I'm home!" Rei called out as she walked in her front door. "Welcome home, Sis!" Ritsuko replied. "Mom's still at her new job, so it's microwave lasagna again." "Can't you just nuke a different instant meal for once, Big sister?" Rei called back, as she pulled her school uniform off. "No," Ritsuko replied, poking her head into Rei's room. "How was your first week at the new school?" "Not bad. I met some kids...they are a little strange, but nice...I guess," Rei said. "Any cute boys?" "Err...maybe," Rei replied, blushing. Ritsuko smiled. "What's his name?" "No, it's not that...honestly," Rei insisted. "Right," Ritsuko replied, unconvinced. "What did you do after school?" "Me and the gang went and played Neon Genesis Evangelion at the mall." Ritsuko raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Already 'The Gang', huh? Did you tell them that your mother designed that game and you probably have more hours in the entry plug than anyone else in the world?" "No, it didn't come up." Rei grinned, mischievously. -E- -V- -A- "I'm home!" Shinji called as he walked into his family's apartment. "Welcome home, Shinji!" his mom called back. Shinji tossed his books into his room, went to the kitchen, and rummaged through the refrigerator. "Shinji, don't spoil your appetite. Dinner is in an hour," his mother informed him. "Okay, Mom," Shinji replied, but kept looking through the refrigerator. "Nag, nag, nag," he muttered, as he pulled out a can of soda out and a leftover pork bun. He inhaled the pork bun, then thought that he should have nuked it first. He chugged down the soda on his way to the bathroom. He washed up and then sank his body into the tub. He sat silently with his eyes closed. "Is this really the world you want?" a female voice said. Shinji opened his eyes and saw Rei standing over him. Naked. "Rei!" Shinji gasped, then tried to cover himself. Then he realized that he wasn't in the bathroom anymore, although he was still naked. "What's going on?" he asked, as he rose to his feet and scanned the large empty theater he found himself in. "Your world isn't perfect," another female voice said, behind him. Shinji looked back at Asuka, who was also naked. She hadn't been there when he looked around the room a few seconds earlier. "Asuka? But...my mom is alive and I don't have to see my friends die and don't have to pilot a real Eva and I don't have to kill and even my dad seems human. It seems perfect to me." Rei said softly, "There is no perfect world. You created this world with what you considered a set of perfect conditions." "But after that initial starting point everything will start changing as people interact with each other," Misato said, from Shinji's left. Rei added, "No person is an island." Shinji looked at Misato and wasn't too surprised that she was also naked. "Seems okay to me so far." "But, it's not real," Asuka said. "Reality bites! I'll take this...no...I'll take *MY* world any day!" Shinji exclaimed. All three of the women faded out saying, "We'll see." Shinji awoke from the dream he was having about the new girl. "Rei has a naughty side, apparently." He grinned, as he remembered the whipped cream all over her body. "Shinji, dinner!" his mom called from outside the bathroom. "Coming!" Shinji replied, then got up and dressed. [End - Garden of EVA 0:1] ======================================================================= Neon Genesis Evangelion Virtual Reality Experience Simulator (VRES) Evangelion Unit Data Eva Unit 00 - Prototype/Modified Model (disabled on commercial game systems) Color: Blue Design date: June 16, 2014 Eye configuration: One Armor: Dual-polymer titanium (38 metric tons) Built-in weapons: (2) Progressive knives in shoulder holsters Usable weapons: All type 1, 2, and 3 manual weapons AT field generator power: 135x2 Response time delay: 30 milliseconds Power supply: 600 seconds run time, average usage Special equipment: Mono sighting scope, for long range targeting Invincible mode for debugging purposes Eva Unit 01 - Testtype/Modified Model Color: Purple Design date: July 12, 2014 Eye configuration: Two Armor: Dual-polymer titanium (44 metric tons) Built-in weapons: (2) Progressive knifes in shoulder holsters (1) Head horn can be removed and used as sword or spear Usable weapons: All type 1, 2, and 3 manual weapons AT field generator power: 145x2 Response time delay: 21 milliseconds Power supply: 600 seconds run time, average usage Special equipment: Invincible mode for debugging purposes (disabled on commercial game systems) Eva Unit 02 - Production Model Color: Red Design date: September 1, 2014 Eye configuration: Four Armor: Tri-polymer titanium (48 metric tons) Built-in weapons: (2) Progressive knifes in shoulder holsters Usable weapons: All type 1, 2, 3, and 4 manual weapons AT field generator power: 130x2 Response time delay: 42 milliseconds Power supply: 600 seconds run time, average usage Special equipment: Two mouths with razor sharp fangs ======================================================================= Email me at: mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net with comments, criticisms, or if you want to join my pre-reader list. http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime Author's notes/ramblings: In the beginning, there was darkness. Then the author pressed the fast-forward button on his remote control and fast-forwarding past the devilish commercials at the beginning of the thirteenth Neon Genesis Evangelion videotape. And the author beheld what the creators were working up to for the past 24 episodes. And the author was confused. Therefore, the author watched the tape once again. And, alas, the author was still confused. However, on the third viewing the author latched onto a brief five-minute piece of inspiration. The author tried to sleep as an idea for a twisted fanfic floated in his head. The next morning, the author mumbled something about why didn't they end the story with the alternate world. He then realized that would have been a major cop out on the creators' part. Then with a burst of light and angelic music, he realized that what was fanfic authors were for. To cop out. Or cop a feel. Divinely inspired, our noble and handsome fanfic author put data to disk. He composed a short 8k story based on the aforementioned five minutes of episode 26. A scant hour and a half later, the story was sent to the FFML. The author jumped in his jeep and drove to the coast to get some sun. Two sunburned legs later, the author returned to find his holy mailbox was full. And it was good. But how to expand on this story, for it had no angst. It was a 14-year-old boy's perfect world. The author pondered for two sunsets and two more viewings, then arrived at the solution. Our saintly author put more data to disk and rewrote the story to provide for more action, more bad language, more nudity, and tossed in a dream that set the tone for the series. Angst this. The pre-readers and FFML agreed. Mostly. And thus a new series joined the busy author's masterpiece, Childhood of a Modern Dynasty. <--blatant plug. And it was good. <--blatant ego trip And then the author changed the title of the series from 'Reality Bites' to 'Garden of EVA'. This Bites. No, that is the name of the next part. This part is called Reality Bites. Stop before your ramblings are larger than the story. Yes, Rei. -E- -V- -A- Unlike my big series, Childhood of a Modern Dynasty, this one isn't as tightly plotted, but I do have an mental image of where this series will lead. I just don't know how long it'll take me to get there and how many parts it will be (much the same as CMD). This series will be in small parts (between 15k and 20k). I can't handle another big series of 60k to 100k chapters right now. Besides, the small parts for this series seems to work well (of course I've only done two parts as of this writing, so who knows). The up side is that I'll probably have more parts in a shorter time span. Sorry (sort of) about the language in this series, but it is keeping with the five minute alternate world Shinji envisioned in episode 26. Considering that world is based on a 14-year-olds idea of an ideal world, it's understandable they would all have potty mouths and raging hormones. The specifications for the game Evas are similar to the real Evas, but not exactly the same. More specifications will appear in the next part. I'd like to thank all the FFML members who commented on the rough drafts and also my pre-readers: Ryan Erik, David Johnson, Nlson31, and Antookis. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 1.0 July 23, 1998 Revision 0.0 - Initial draft/FFML feedback piece Revision 0.1 - Pre-reader/FFML draft (highly revised from initial piece) Revision 0.2 - Final draft Revision 1.0 - First RAAC posting