From: "Jim Lazar" [EVA][Fanfic][Lime] Garden of EVA 1:1 - Families Suck! ========================================================================= Garden of EVA 1:1 - Families Suck! Book 1: Sucks Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-1999 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that really sucks. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime ========================================================================= This story begins the second book of Garden of Eva with the appropriate theme of 'sucks' for the titles. Because, man, are their lives really going to start sucking big time. ========================================================================= This series contains 400% of the recommended daily dose of: Sex, spoilers, various sexual organs, bad language, 14-year-old hormones, naked people, and really horrific plot twists. ========================================================================= Two hours before Second Impact. Two men worked on a gantry surrounding... something. They snapped to attention as their boss, a middle-aged man, walked by. "You two, insert the lance into IT right there." The boss pointed at the chest of the... something, which had a circle labeled 'Insert Lance Here' written on its surface in crayon. Other notations on the glowing skin included: 'Stand back 3 meters', 'Elvis was here', 'Post no bills', 'Gendou was here', 'Gendou is a jerk', 'One more day of this frozen hellhole and I can finally see the new Star Wars movie', and 'What the fuck is this thing, anyway?' Before the man got out of earshot, he turned and snapped off one more instruction. "No deeper than three-point-one-four decimeters." "Yes, Doctor Katsuragi!" After their boss left, the two men began to move the large lance into position using an overhead crane. One of the men looked around to make sure their boss was out of earshot and then leaned over to his comrade. "Where is Ikari, anyway? This is the final phase of the project." "He flew back to Tokyo, something about dealing with some political problems." "That's a laugh... he probably wanted to fuck that fine wife of his." "Yeah, probably. Why else would he miss out on the final tests?" For some reason, the two men suddenly thought they could hear ominous music coming from somewhere and looked around for the source. Unable to find it, they shrugged and went on with their work. "Lance of Longinus inserted." "Depth three-point-one-three-nine decimeters." "Skin has become permeable." "Commence sample collection." "Roger." The man guided a complicated looking apparatus against and then into the skin, which had been impenetrable before the lance was inserted. A large collection of equipment became scrap metal when IT was first found and they had first tried to sample it's composition. "Careful not to twist the lance while it's in contact with IT." "Do I look like a moron to you?" He casually moved a couple steps away from the lance. "Yes, actually you do." "Shut the fuck up!" "You shut up!" "Both of you shut up." The two men snapped to attention as their boss passed by again. "Yes, Doctor!" They waited until their boss walked out of earshot, before continuing their conversation. "Why did Ikari leave Katsuragi in charge today anyway? They were always fighting about who was in charge of the project." "I don't know. It seems odd that Ikari would let that guy get all the glory of the final stage in the project." The two men paused again as they heard the ominous music for a second time. This time, they looked down to one of the lower gantries trying to find the source. "Hey, Johnson! Turn off your damn Walkman!" "Well, let's just finish getting that sample." "Got it. Open the sample canisters." The other man held out two cylindrical sample canisters. "What are they going to do with the samples anyway?" he asked, as he watched the other man slide the glowing sample material into the canisters. "Hell if I know, I'm just following orders. I don't even know what they are going to do with IT." Both figures looked up at the tall white figure that towered above them. It gave off a faint glow and seemed to pulse slowly, almost like a heartbeat. Doctor Katsuragi leaned over a railing high above the two workers. "Hey you two! Quit slacking off! Get half of that sample to the helipad and the other half to the operating room, stat! They have to finish their testing on the fresh sample before we finish the insertion! And Ikari... err... the test plan is clear that the final insertion must happen exactly at oh-nine-forty hours sharp." "Yes, Doctor!" The two figures snapped to attention and scurried off with the samples. Doctor Katsuragi looked around and then gestured to his assistant, a young shapely blond. "Have you seen my daughter? I wanted to get her on the last flight out before the final tests." The woman hesitated for a few seconds. "Um... no, Doctor. I'll call the living quarters and see if anyone has seen her." She turned away to hide the guilty look that crossed her face. Doctor Katsuragi nodded and then returned to checking the checklist. He smiled as he saw that he was keeping everything on schedule down to the last second. -E- -V- -A- Twenty minutes before Second Impact. In a dark operating room, a young girl of about fourteen years old lay naked on the operating table. A doctor and a pair of nurses operated on her. Or butchered her depending on your viewpoint. "It's finished," the doctor said, pulling a long instrument out of the young girl's vagina. "The sample material is now part of her womb." He frowned when some of the material seemed to be slowly slipping out between the girl's folds. He used his glove-covered fingers to push the material back in. "Suture." One of the nurses handed him a suture needle and the doctor put a couple of stitches across the girl's folds to keep the material in place inside the girl's womb. The doctor finished his sutures and put down the needle. "There, that'll hold it. It should inseminate her eggs and produce the First Children." "Inseminate... right. We're not dealing with some drunk selling his sperm to a sperm bank to buy booze here," a male voice said from the shadows. "You have a better term to describe the procedure?" The man in the shadows took a long drag on his cigarette before answering. "Looks like she's being fucked by that thing Ikari has in the basement." The doctor signed. "You don't like Ikari, do you?" "No, not particularly. I think we're all being fucked by him." The doctor looked over at them man. "He *IS* trying to save mankind." "Well, forgive me for being skeptical that he's going to save the world with the help of a fourteen-year-old virgin's uterus," the man in the shadows said, exhaling a puff of smoke from his cigarette. "Virgin birth indeed." "He, and the people he works for, are convinced that it had to be a virgin in order for the material we took from-" The doctor's voice suddenly softened, as if afraid to say the rest loudly. "-IT to work properly." "Kind of convenient that your daughter, Ritsuko, wasn't a virgin then, isn't it?" The doctor flinched at the accusation. "I am as dedicated to this project as you are. It's not my fault my daughter happened to get screwed by her boyfriend!" He didn't bother mentioning that he had encouraged her boyfriend to fuck his daughter to save her from being used as the host in this experiment. He didn't know what Ikari had in mind for the so-called 'First Children', but he wasn't about to sacrifice his only daughter's ability to have children to satisfy his commitment to the project. Since he had never had the time to spend time with his precious Ritsuko while she was growing up, he longed for the day when he could hold his grandchildren in his arms and play with them. "Well, at least there won't be any problems getting the material through customs this way, but I still think Ikari has something up his sleeve." He took one last look between the girl's spread legs, grinned, and then departed with a canister containing the remainder of the sample meant for the girl's uterus. He chuckled softly to himself as a plan formed in his twisted little mind. "Won't it kill her?" a young nurse in scrubs asked sadly. She brushed the hair out of the teenager's eyes. The doctor looked over from where he was washing his hands. "Not if they get to her in time..." He stiffened, as if he'd just let something slip. "Never mind that now... Just get her dressed and then tell her father that he has to get his daughter on the next flight out of here BEFORE they begin the final tests on IT. And remember not to mention the operation to him." "Yes, Doctor," the other nurse answered. She pushed the younger nurse away and started to dress the girl. As she put the girl's bra onto the girl, the nurse had to move a small cross pendant out of the way. -E- -V- -A- Fifteen minutes before Second Impact. Workers scurried around the huge figure in the underground chamber. A young man slid up beside a young female worker in a lab coat. "Hi ya, Baby. What are you doing after we're done with this thing?" The woman didn't pause or look away from her work. "Oh, freezing my ass off running around naked with you in the snow up top." The man grinned broadly. "Cool, let's get going, babe!" "You idiot, I was kidding! I'll have tons of data to examine after we're done here." "Plenty of time for that..." He paused and looked down. "Turn that music off already, Johnson!" The ominous music stopped. "Now then... let's find a quiet corner and melt some ice with our hot bodies." The man gave the woman his most charming smile then leaned backward onto the apparatus that held the Lance and struck a pose he always assumed drove women wild. It didn't. What it did do was push the Lance of Longinus into IT another two centimeters and twisted it ninety-eight point six degrees counter-clockwise. Unfortunately, the harness the Lance was in made this extremely easy to do. But what do you expect from the lowest bidder? Twisting the Lance while it was inserted into IT was not a good thing. For instance, this meant that everyone in the base, except one fourteen-year-old girl, would die three minutes early. It also meant the plans of a Mr. Gendou Ikari would be delayed for at least fifteen more years. But the worse thing was that it meant that the young man would die a virgin. Not that those three minutes would have changed that. -E- -V- -A- Ten minutes before Second Impact. Make that seven minutes. The Antarctic facility shook as an explosion vaporized one of the lower levels. Doctor Katsuragi raced though the shaking corridors with his daughter cradled protectively in his arms. A large red stain was spreading across her chest. He saw the door to the elevator to the helipad just before it was engulfed in flames. "Shit... what the hell did those morons do to IT this time?" He looked at his watch. "Damn, they weren't even supposed to start for three more minutes. They are definitely fired this time." He looked around frantically, then ran towards the stairs, the corridor started crumbling around him. He cringed as the cold Antarctic air assaulted him. A short time later, he stumbled out of the remains of a corridor onto the ruins of the helipad. He frantically looked to where the helicopter should have been. The only thing he saw was an escape pod and a trail of cigarette butts leading to where the helicopter should be. "Damn, that asshole from Seele took it." He stumbled over and opened the hatch on the emergency escape pod. He gently put his daughter into it, then began to close the hatch. Just before it closed, he saw his daughter's eyes open. "Father?" Her eyes were the last thing he saw before he was vaporized along with most of the rest of Antarctica as Second Impact was initiated three minutes early. Somehow, the escape pod survived the blast. Considering the escape pod was made for a Doctor Gendou Ikari's use in case of emergencies, this would not surprise anyone who knew him. The champagne and silk sheets, on the other hand, would be surprising to anyone who wasn't a James Bond fan. The teenage girl and the First Children within her survived Second Impact. That was until Third Impact occurred fifteen years later. And then the definition of 'survived' changed. -E- -V- -A- Excerpt from 'The American Century Dictionary' - 1999 edition: survive v. 1 continue to live or exist 2 live or exist longer than 3 remain alive despite (a danger, accident, etc...) Excerpt from 'Shinji's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 2nd edition (Asuka tore up the first one): survive v. 1 continue to bicker with Asuka 2 live or exist longer than the entire population of the planet Earth 3 remain alive despite (a power-crazed madman, Third Impact, Misato's cooking, Asuka pulling on my penis) -E- -V- -A- Rei finished explaining Second Impact and her origins during it to the gang in the theater. Shinji and Asuka were dumbfounded by the revelations. Misato was tracing the scars between her breasts from the injury she sustained in her escape and then moved down to the smaller scars on her lower abdomen from when they removed her uterus. "So that's why they gave me a hysterectomy after I was rescued?" "Yes," Rei replied quietly. "Those bastards! To use me like that and then rip out my womb!" Misato screamed. She could barely remember events in the months that followed her waking up in the escape pod. She was in no condition to ask why her vagina had been sewn shut or why a few weeks after her escape they had wheeled her into the operating room to remove her supposedly diseased uterus. "How could my father let them!" "I believe he wasn't aware of their intentions. Originally they were going to use the daughter of the doctor who did the procedure." "Then why didn't they?" Misato fumed. "It turned out Ms. Akagi wasn't a virgin." "Damn that Ritsuko! I bet she just let some boy fuck her to screw my life up!" Misato theorized, ignoring the fact that she hadn't met Ritsuko until college. "I guess I should have just let that little Toma brat fuck me when I was thirteen after all." "That would have been a good idea," Rei agreed. "Damn it... I can't believe you're my daughter," Misato said, looking at Rei with a mixture of confusion and sadness on her face. Rei seemed to consider this. "I always wondered what it would be like to have a mother that didn't have a chipped rim." Misato, Shinji, and Asuka all gaped in surprise. Then Asuka smirked. "Gee, the little clone has a sense of humor." "Do I?" Rei asked, straight-faced. Misato felt her stomach again. "So I have a daughter. Something I had never expected to have." "Good luck getting child support from the First Angel!" Asuka started to laugh. Everyone ignored her. She didn't like being ignored. "Over the past year I had come to think of Shinji and Asuka-" She looked at her two former roommates. "-as the kids I could never have. And now I find out I do have a child. Ironic that our little 'family' here would wind up together despite all that has happened." "Gee, Mama, can I go out and play?" Asuka quipped. "Cut it out, Asuka," Shinji scolded. "This is tough on her." "Oooooo, little brother Shinji is trying to be the man of the house." "Well, I am." Shinji looked around the theater. "Do YOU see any other men here?" "I don't see any men at all... just three gorgeous women and a little boy." Shinji looked ready to explode then calmed himself. "Lucky me." He cast a sly grin at Asuka. "As if... don't get your hopes up." Asuka turned away from Shinji to hide the smile that appeared on her face. Meanwhile, a sudden thought crossed Misato's mind and she dropped to her knees. "All those clones..." Rei nodded, then finished the thought. "...were not clones in the traditional sense, although we did turn out to be genetically identical due to the material from the First Angel. The embryos that survived were gestated in your womb after it was removed and expanded-" Shinji interrupted. "Expanded?" Rei nodded. "It was stretched and forced to grow using some of the technology used later to create the Evas. They put it on artificial life support and waited for us to be born a year later." "A whole year?!" "Yes, our gestation period was longer than a normal human." Asuka smirked. "I always knew you weren't normal." She was ignored again. She REALLY didn't like being ignored. Misato was shaking. "How many?" "Excuse me?" "How many survived?" "A little over five thousand, I believe." Asuka smirked. "Gee, think of the stretch marks if you had to give birth to them all." No reaction from anyone. Asuka was fuming inside. "Five... thousand? And Ritsuko killed them all..." Misato's eyes could be seen burning. Rei shook her head. "No. Only those in Toyko-3. Others were used in the dummy plugs, which the EVA series use... used. I believe every NERV facility had a group of me." "You really get around, don't you?" Asuka remarked, not even receiving a twitch of acknowledgement from anyone. "Why... why would they do all this?" Rei shrugged. "In addition to my original function in Second Impact, my use as an Eva pilot and as a dummy plug became necessary when Second Impact occurred three minutes before Mr. Ikari was ready." Shinji stepped forward and spoke with a shaky voice. "Ready for what?" "I believe he was going to have intercourse with his wife and come to orgasm just as Second Impact was triggered." The others just looked blankly at Rei until Shinji spoke. "Why?" "I believe he thought he could control Second Impact if he was in perfect sync with another soul. That control would have allowed him and his wife to control my development into whatever form they choose." She looked sadly at the ground as she finished. Asuka snorted. "Damn, what a lame idea." "It might have worked," Rei said calmly. "Huh?" "The union of a man and a woman is the most powerful force in the universe." Shinji didn't notice Rei glance at him as she made her statement. But Asuka did. "I saw that! Rei has the hots for Shinji!" Shinji stared. "What?" Rei blushed. "You embarrass me." Asuka pounded Shinji on the back and pushed him towards Rei. "Come on, Shin-boy... fuck her already." Shinji looked around and glared at Asuka. "Will you stop being so pushy, Asuka?!" "Come on, I know you want to. That's why you set up that other Rei as a slut so you could spend your life in your horny little dream world fucking the clone!" "I didn't set it up that way, dammit! Why I ever thought I loved you, I'll never know!" Asuka, for once, was lost for words. Rei silently looked between Shinji and Asuka. Misato grabbed a bag of popcorn and sat down cross-legged on the floor. "Damn, and I thought Shinji's perfect world was twisted." She gulped down a handful of popcorn. -E- -V- -A- Ritsuko had walked slowly over to Rei and took her hand gently. This calm action started Rei, so she didn't resist. "Rei. I'm sorry about everything, but you really can't marry Shinji. Now or ever." Rei grew angry again. "Shut up! You sound just like a scratched DVD! I'll marry him... with or without your permission!" "You can't. He's... your half-brother," Ritsuko said. "What?!" everyone except Ritsuko yelled out. Gendou finally managed to get a good look at Ritsuko. "Oh... no..." Ritsuko sighed heavily and pointed at Gendou. "Rei, this is your father, Gendou Rokubungi." After the large thud caused by Gendou collapsing to the floor in shock, the room went silent. -E- -V- -A- A while later, Gendou was cowering in a corner as Ritsuko finished her explanation to a very upset Yui and shocked Shinji and Rei. "After I told him-" Ritsuko glared at Gendou, who tried to press himself deeper into the corner. "-I was pregnant with Rei, he disappeared. I looked all over for him, but never found him. Clever of you to change your name." Yui glanced over at her husband. "I was always curious why you wanted to take my family name so badly after you got me pregnant and my father forced you to marry me, Gendou." Gendou had started to scratch at the wall, in hopes of tunneling out of the room. "You can hate me if you want Rei, but if Gendou had stuck around, my mom wouldn't have had to protect her families' so-called good name by adopting you like she did." Rei glanced at Shinji, feeling a twinge in her heart. "I can't believe all this." "It's the truth. I'm done lying about my... our past." Shinji reached over and grabbed Rei's hand. "That's okay, Rei, this just makes it easier for me to protect you... as your brother." A faint smile crossed Rei's lips. "I'm proud of you, Shinji," Yui said. "I am too!" Gendou said from his corner. When Yui glared menacingly at him, he suddenly started playing with a tire. Yui shook her head sadly. -E- -V- -A- Shinji and Rei walked together a few meters behind Ritsuko and talked quietly. "Are you sure you're going to be okay alone with her tonight?" Shinji asked. "Yes. She's calmed down since she knows that you're my half-brother. I guess in her mind she doesn't have to fight me anymore since she's won the battle to keep us apart." "She hasn't. I'll always be there for you." Rei sighed heavily. "Don't take this personally, Shinji, but finding out we're family really sucks," she said, without looking at Shinji. "Yeah, I know. I'm going to do everything and anything I can to make you happy from now on." "Anything?" Rei said. She looked at Shinji with a slightly lopsided grin on her face, which didn't reveal and of the pain that she felt in her heart. "Yes... anything. Err... we can't have sex anymore... but I'll always be there when you have a problem." Rei smiled. "Thank you, Shinji." She leaned up and kissed Shinji gently on his cheek. She smirked as she noticed his reaction. "That's not exactly a good reaction to have towards your sister." Shinji blushed and covered his groin with his hands. "Err... well... most brothers don't get to do the things we did." Rei snickered. "True, only in those sleazy hentai mangas." "Rei, I do love you." Rei nodded. "I do too. Too bad our father is a bastard." "Well, he does have his good points. It's not like he's some evil maniac bent on destroying the world or anything." "Not unless he's planing on destroying the world with vending machines." Rei smiled and Shinji laughed at her joke. "Well, I guess I'll have to spend some time getting to know him." "Assuming my mom doesn't kill him tonight, that is." When they finally reached the Akagi apartment and Rei found she couldn't take the final step over the entryway. Ritsuko gestured from the doorway. "Come on, Rei." Shinji noticed Rei's expression of uncertainty and offered something he hoped would help. "Um, Ms. Akagi, can I stay tonight? I think your daughter needs the support and I don't think I'm old enough to hear what my mother is probably saying and doing to my... our father." Ritsuko smiled as she thought of the man she had hated for so long getting what he had coming after so long. But that didn't eliminate the image of Rei sitting on top of Shinji from the previous night. "And let you fuck your own sister again? Dream on, you little walking cock!" "No! Listen... I love your daughter... my sister. I just want to protect her. That's all." Ritsuko appraised Shinji for a few moments. "Hmmmm, for a boy and the son of that asshole, you're not that bad." "Gee, thanks." "Fine, but I'm going to make sure you can't do anything to her." Shinji gulped as he thought of all kinds of horrid things that she could do. Many of them involved the removal of his penis. "Err... okay, but I'd like to have children one day." Ritsuko looked crestfallen. "Darn. I wanted to add your penis to my collection." Shinji started backing up slowly. "I was kidding, you little meathead." -E- -V- -A- Shinji lay on the bed as Ritsuko finished handcuffing him to the bedpost. "Gee... I didn't know you were into bondage." Ritsuko glared at Shinji. "It's this or my first idea." Shinji gulped as he felt his penis retreat into his foreskin, like a turtle into its shell when it found itself in a turtle soup factory. "Okay, but this had better not be one of those hidden camera shows." "Of course not. Now be a good boy and get to sleep." Shinji sighed and rolled over. "Good boy." The lights went off and then Shinji felt the bed bounce. "What the?" "You didn't think I'd leave you alone so Rei could sneak in here so you can fuck her again, did you?" "She's my sister dammit! I'd never do anything with her now that I know!" "Yeah, I bet that's what all those guys in those hentai mangas said before they did the nasty with their pure and innocent sisters." "Well, I'm not sure I feel comfortable sleeping with you." "Just remember that I'm not your sister, so there is no reason for you to even consider fucking me." "I don't want to fuck Rei because she's my sister, dammit!" "So you still want to sleep with her?!" "Yes... no... I don't know! This day has been very confusing." "Tell me about it. Just you remember that she's your sister... give me any reason to doubt you're anything other than her brother and... SNIP." Shinji gulped. "Yes, ma'am!" "Now get to sleep. Behave yourself and maybe I'll let you keep seeing Rei... as a BROTHER." "Alright... all I want is what's best for her." Shinji started to fall asleep when he felt Ritsuko's hot breath on his back. "You know, this is the first time I've ever slept with an old woman." Things suddenly became very painful for Shinji as Ritsuko tried to do her best to perform her original idea using her bare hands. -E- -V- -A- Rei lay in her bed and cried herself slowly to sleep. "Shinji..." -E- -V- -A- Gendou slept on the couch. Or tried to. -E- -V- -A- When Shinji awoke, he found that he was no longer handcuffed, much to his relief. He rubbed the marks on his wrists to make sure there was no permanent damage. Just to make sure he looked under his shorts to make sure everything was okay down there as well. He slipped out of the bed and looked around. He wandered out of the bedroom and looked for someone or the bathroom, whichever came first. He ended up finding the kitchen first. "Morning, Ms. Akagi," he said to the old woman who was preparing something at the countertop. The woman who turned around was not Ritsuko, much to Shinji's surprise. "Oh, you must be that boy who slept with my granddaughter." Shinji gulped. "Err... well..." "Don't sweat it kid... the first dick I touched was my brother's. Although *HE* never went all the way with me." Mrs. Akagi flashed a toothy grin. Shinji was very stunned at the woman's manner. He had pictured Rei's grandmother as an old biddy, much like Ritsuko, but this woman actually seemed like the complete opposite of Ritsuko. "Err... yeah... um... where's Rei and the ol... her mother?" "They'll be back soon. They just popped out to get some more food for breakfast. We weren't expecting a new family member." "Well, I'm Rei's half-brother... I'm not really related to you or your daughter." Shinji really wanted to leave, but if Rei was coming back, he wanted to be here for her. Mrs. Akagi's expression grew stern. "You're FAMILY... don't forget it when you spend time with your HALF-SITSTER! Got it?!" This was more like what he expected and Shinji snapped to attention. "Yes, Ma'am!" Mrs. Akagi's expression softened again and the goofy smile returned. "Good. I'll forgive you fucking her once because you didn't know--and she is such a hot young babe after all--but do her again and..." She chose that moment to chop a carrot in half. The worst part of this statement, as far as Shinji was concerned, was that she never stopped smiling that goofy grin of hers. Shinji watched the carrot fall to the ground. Suddenly, he wasn't very hungry. "Maybe I should leave." "Nonsense. Go wash up and we'll be ready in a short time. Bathroom is third door on the left." "Well... ok." Shinji made his retreat down the hallway, but not before hearing her last comment. "And you'd better take a bath, I can still smell my granddaughter on you." -E- -V- -A- Shinji soaked in the bathtub, staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. This was actually the first time he really had to think about recent events. "Great, I finally lose my virginity... only to find out she's my sister. The guys will have a field day with this if they find out. Of course, all of them are virgins, so I at least beat them to it. Too bad I can't talk about it. Maybe it's for the best that we never told anyone we were dating." He continued to watch the steam rise from the water's surface. "What a pathetic jerk I am." "Maybe, but are you happy?" Shinji started and looked over at the source of the voice. "What the..." he gasped as he saw a ghostly image of himself standing naked in front of the tub. The ghostly Shinji repeated his question. "Are you happy?" Deciding he was dreaming, Shinji answered, "I don't know. Finding out Rei was my half-sister was pretty shocking." "Yes, I know. But are you happy?" "Who are you anyway?" "I'm..." The ghostly Shinji glanced off to the side, as if listening to someone. "The Shinji in your mind." "What the hell does that mean?" The ghostly Shinji glared to the side, as if scolding a red-haired girl for a lame suggestion. Then he turned back to the Shinji in the bath. "Just answer the question." Shinji thought for a few moments. "Yes, I guess so. Even as messed up as things are right now... I do have good friends and a loving family... even if what my father did really sucks." The ghostly Shinji paused and absorbed the information. "What do you think of Rei?" "I love her. And I'm going to make sure she's happy from now on." "Despite the fact that you can't be lovers?" "Yes. I didn't fall in love with her for her body." "Good luck, I can't promise happiness for you, but it could be worse." Shinji splashed some water in his face, still wondering if he was dreaming. "Who are you really?" "Just think of me as... a friend who wants everyone around you to be happy." The ghostly Shinji glared at the unseen person. "No! I'm not going to ask him that, Asuka!" He started to fade away, but not before his penis started to spin like a fan. Shinji blinked a few times and then splashed some more water over his face. "Weird..." -E- -V- -A- "Come on! Ask him if he's going fuck me now that he can't do Rei anymore!" Asuka insisted. In this case, her 'insisting' included spinning his penis. Shinji slapped her hand away from his penis. "I said no! The connection is broken already anyway." Shinji looked down at the storyboards in front of him. "Well, as we agreed, it was his decision. I'm sorry, Rei." Rei sighed. "That's okay. Maybe she'll be happier with you as a brother." She turned away to hide the tear that rolled down her cheek. Misato walked up behind her daughter and put a comforting hand on Rei's shoulder. "It'll be okay, Rei. Even if that world isn't perfect, that Rei will have a loving brother to support her." "I suppose. I wonder if most mothers would let a world like that exist where their daughter was so unhappy." Misato flinched. "I do want you to be happy, Rei. I'm kind of new to this mother thing... Let's take it slow." Asuka chose that moment to interject. "Okay, first thing a mother and daughter should do is..." She pushed Rei's face down against Misato's breast. "Breast-feed! Come on, suck away!" "Asuka, stop..." Misato stopped speaking suddenly as she realized that Rei was actually sucking on her nipple. She gently pried the sucking child off her breast. "Um, Rei... you really don't have to do that. Asuka was making one of her jokes." "Oh." Rei wiped the saliva off her lips. "I didn't find it particularly funny." Then she casually wiped Misato's nipple off. Misato pushed Rei's hand away. "That's okay... I can take care of that." She turned away to hide her suddenly erect nipples. Shinji had to turn away from the girls to hide his 'reaction' to all this. -E- -V- -A- Shinji got up out of the tub and began to dry off. He flinched when he heard the door open. He blushed when he saw Rei standing in the doorway. "Err... good morning, Rei." "Morning, Shinji. Breakfast is ready," Rei said calmly. She glanced briefly at Shinji's groin and smiled. "You'd better not come dressed like that." She spun around and departed. The smile would be with her throughout breakfast, much to the confusion of her mother and grandmother. Shinji sighed then looked down at his erection. "That's not the proper reaction to have to your sister." -E- -V- -A- "Mein Gott! Now the little prick is talking to his prick!" Asuka exclaimed. "Shut up, Asuka!" Shinji said. He turned to Rei. "Are you alright?" "Leave the clone with her mother, Shinji. Let's go fuck. I know you want to... 'cus you love me. Shinji loves me. Ha ha!" Asuka started to do a happy little dance. "Just leave me alone with Rei, can't you?!" Shinji waved his hand in a dismissing motion. Suddenly, Asuka and Misato disappeared. He gaped at the spot they had been standing in just seconds previously. "What?" "What did you do?" "I don't know... Just this." He repeated the gesture, causing Asuka and Misato to reappear. "You jackass! What the hell..." Asuka was cut off when Shinji gestured again, causing Asuka and Misato to disappear. "Cool! I didn't know I could do that!" "You have more power than you realize," Rei muttered, tears forming in her eyes. -E- -V- -A- Excerpt from 'The American Century Dictionary' - 1999 edition: family n. 1 set of relations, esp. parents and children 2 descendants of a common ancestor 3 close-knit organization Excerpt from 'Shinji's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 2nd edition (Asuka tore up the first one): family n. 1 set of morons, esp. fathers who cheat on their girlfriends with fourteen year old girls 2 descendants of a common philanderer 3 close-knit... never mind [End - Garden of EVA 1:1 - Families Suck!] ========================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: And thus begins Book One of Garden of EVA. Doesn't really suck yet, but it'll get there. The alternate tittle for this part was "Garden of EVA 1:1 - Rei Sucks Misato's Tit", but that would have given away a joke. :) I'd like to thank my pre-readers EBJ, Rex Yu, Johan Holmberg, David Johnson, Arnold Callwood, Justin Baugh, Axel Terizaki, Thomas C Kinnen, Taler Schilling, Thomas C. Kinnen and Rei No Tenshi for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML members EeL and Michael A. Chase were also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft (March 20, 1999) Revision 0.1 - Pre-reader draft (May 1, 1999) Revision 0.2 - FFML draft (May 16, 1999) Revision 1.0 - Final version (May 24, 1999) Revision 1.1 - First RAAC posting (May 26, 1999)