From: "Jim Lazar" Subject: [Eva][FanFic][Lime] Garden of EVA 1:6 - Love Sucks! ======================================================================= Garden of EVA 1:6 - Love Sucks! Book 1: Sucks Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-1999 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that really sucks. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime ======================================================================= Just assume I wrote a warning about all the sex, bad language, and bloody guts for this spot. Thanks, that'll save me some time. ======================================================================= Round three. Misato was running full speed towards two of the blue enemy units. As she neared them. She screamed when they started firing bullets and rocket shells at her. Whether she was thinking about the enemy or her teammates who had forced her and Kaji into playing in the championships was anybody's guess. "Misato, two second jump jet burst! NOW!!" Hikari ordered over the intercom. Misato frantically searched her controls. "Jump jets... jump jets..." Hikari sighed irritably. "Left thumb button! Hold it down for two seconds!!" Misato's entry plug shook under the impact of another explosive shell. "Ah!!" She held down the button Hikari indicated, which caused her Eva's jump jets to ignite and lift her Eva into the air. As it rose into the air, it flailed its arms wildly. Her displays showed the scenery and the attacking Eva's diminishing under her. "Oh shit!!! I'm afraid of heights!" After the two seconds had elapsed many times over, she finally let go of the button when she had to put her hands over her mouth in order to avoid making a mess in the entry plug. After tracing a smooth arc over the two enemy Evas, her Eva touched down. The jarring of the entry plug as she landed caused her to finally lose her lunch. As she had been told to do if not instructed to do anything else, Misato took off running in a straight line again. As she ran, she wiped the sushi off the front display. The two blue Evas that she had just jumped over spun around and gave chase. Hikari smiled at her tactical display as she traded sword blows with another Unit Five like her own. So concerned over Misato, Hikari almost missed seeing a second Eva with a progressive knife lunge at her from behind. She did a quick side flip and dodged the attack. She followed with a quick swing of her sword and managed to slice her attacker between two pieces of armor covering its leg. Blood spurted out of the wound. Without any time to relax, Hikari deflected a sword blow from her original opponent. She scanned the tactical display and saw that she was pretty much on her own. Although the second Eva was wounded, it was merely a flesh wound and wouldn't prove to be too much of a problem to the pilot. Hikari was managing to fend off their blows, but was being slowly pushed backwards towards a group of buildings. -E- -V- -A- Asuka swung her pike in a wide arc, slicing two nearby Angels in half before her pike embedded itself in her real opponent: a blue Unit One. Asuka felt her pike enter the soft flesh of her opponent and smiled in triumph. "Now, Kaji!!" Kaji swung around in his Unit Eight and hefted his long-range rifle in his arms. He pointed it towards the Eva Asuka had skewered and fingered the trigger. He remembered his quick and dirty training and blasted away. The bullets went wide of the target. Way wide. A nest of the sickeningly cute Angel babies went up in smoke instead of the Eva. "Pika.... chuuuuuuuuu!" "Dummkopf! Line up the target first!!" Asuka was barely able to hold her enemy still using her long pike. Unfortunately, she couldn't finish off the enemy without first releasing it from the end of her pike. Under normal circumstances, she might be able to withdraw the pike and dispatch the Eva before it could damage her, but she could see another enemy Eva approaching fast from her flank. "Kaji! Blast this thing fast!!" Kaji's reply came over the intercom. "I'm trying... this thing won't fire straight." "You child molesting, half-inch-long dick, shit for brains! Blast this Eva on the end of my pike before the one coming up from behind me kills me!!" "You little slut!!" Kaji emptied his clip in the direction of Asuka and hit the Eva at the end of her pike instead. It went up in a huge ball of fire. As she gloated about her cleverness in getting him to finally hit the target, she spun around just in time to slash her other attacker across his Eva's chest. "Ha!" She did a side flip and parried one of the arm blades of the Unit Ten. She managed a glancing blow to its shoulder, but in the follow up the enemy got his left blade through her defenses and cleanly sliced off her right arm. Asuka's entry plug shuddered at the blow. She glanced at her damage display. "Only a flesh wound... Kaji! Will you put a new clip in and start firing at this guy already?" "I can't get a clear shot!" "Like that would help!!" She grinned as he started firing again. As the enemy unit exploded, she cheered. Her cheering stopped when the explosion blew off her right leg. "Shit!" She hopped around, using all her skill to keep her balance. A warning from Kaji saved her life. "Asuka, look out, five o'clock!" Or would have saved her life if he'd gotten the direction correct. Asuka looked at five o'clock and was promptly impaled by a sword from the opposite direction. "You bastard!! You two-timing, mother-fu..." The rest of her expletives where cut off when her Eva exploded and her intercom was automatically disabled. -E- -V- -A- Hikari saw Asuka's indicator fade from the tactical map. "Shit, we've lost Asuka. It's six to five now." Although one of their drones was still firing away at two blue Eva's that were attacking Touji, Hikari never included drones in her counts. If Kaji didn't technically have two kills already and Misato didn't have two of the enemies chasing her--and thus not bothering the rest of the Dark Eva Knights--she'd have considered the count six to three. Hikari's sword flashed out again and scraped across her enemy's sword, causing sparks to fly. She scanned the surrounding area. Hikari saw one of the enemy Eva's vanish from her display. "Good going, Kensuke!! Um... Touji could use some help... the one that killed Asuka is almost on top of him and he's got two on top of him already." "Already on my way... what about you?" "I'm one on one with this guy... he's good, but I can handle him." As she talked, she spotted something in her side display. She did a side flip to get into position. "Kaji... see if you can blast any of the Evas by Touji." Hikari saw a building about a hundred meters from Touji go up in flames. "Aim the gun, dammit!!" "I'm trying, you brat!" "My parents are voters..." Kaji shuddered in his entry plug and his political instincts took over. "Aim... squeeze..." One of the Evas attacking Touji suddenly went up in flames. "Shit... he did it," Hikari gasped in surprise. She returned her full attention to the Eva attacking her and managed to goad it into the proper position. She traded blows with her enemy until she managed to drag her sword down his, producing a long trail of sparks. The sparks hit the nearby tanker truck that Hikari had spotted earlier and a fireball engulfed both Evas. Hikari had been expecting the explosion, so had the chance to hit her jump jets and escape with only minor damage to her Eva. Well, minor compared to the smoking ruins of her opponent. Since she was missing her left hand and a chunk of her left thigh, she was hardly in prime condition when she landed. "Four to five... we can do this!!" Misato suddenly ran by Hikari. Although shocked by her and her pursuers' sudden appearance, Hikari managed to slice off the arm of one of Misato's pursuers before it sliced her head off. "Damn..." Hikari pounded her dead controls. "That moron! Leading them right back to the main battle!" -E- -V- -A- Hasamoto and his gang watched the game with keen interest. "Um... where did they get those two new players?" "They're pretty bad..." "But the team is holding their own... so far." Hasamoto grunted, ending the idle speculation from his gang. "It's obvious that the two new players are amateurs, but they're using them pretty cleverly to help keep the enemy away from the good players. That's always been Yohada's biggest problem with his team... no tactical skills. We'd be able to beat them easily this year with Makie-" He looked a the newest member of the team, a small geeky looking boy with glasses. "-to outsmart them... but the Dark Eva Knights..." One of the tall boys laughed. "Ha! With only four good players? Even if they get to the finals we could..." Hasamoto glared at he boy. "Idiot! Even with only four good players they are holding their own against that team of eight good players... who almost beat us last year, if you recall." "Oh yeah... even after we drugged their food." Hasamoto glared at the boy who had just spoken. "I haven't forgiven you for screwing up the dosage, you know. They were just drowsy instead of falling asleep entirely." The boy was saved by a comment from other of the other boys. "Uh oh... the Dark Eva Knights just killed another enemy... four to three now." Hasamoto eyes burned with rage. "We need some time... Makie, fry that sucker." The young, short boy with glasses frowned. "Now?" "Yes... before either of the teams wins. Got it?" Hasamoto glared at the short boy. Makie nodded quickly and scurried off. "That's just going to delay the finals." Hasamoto grinned broadly. "It'll be enough to make sure both teams suffer some more... shall we say 'losses' to their teams." He cracked his knuckles. -E- -V- -A- Touji sliced the head of a blue Eva off and then glanced at his tactical map. "Kensuke, you've got the last... oops." He sneered as Kensuke's indicator faded from the display. Except for Misato, who was running full speed across a minefield, he was the only Dark Eva Knight left. "Guess I get to be the big hero this time." His ego overflowed into a broad smile and he lumbered over towards the last enemy Eva, who was now chasing after Misato. "The idiot." He switched his intercom to the Dark Eva Knights general channel. "Misato... we're the only two left. I need you to..." "No... no... no.... arghhhhhh!!!!" Touji winced in pain from the loud scream from Misato and switch the intercom off. "I forgot that I turned it off in the first place because of her hysterical screaming. Well, she'll be no help." He looked at his situation. "Well, I'm missing an arm, but as long as I don't have to jerk off, I'll be okay." He smiled at his joke and then grabbed a discarded rifle from the ground. He absently pulled Kaji's severed arm from the trigger and took aim at the enemy Eva. It was a little awkward to use one-handed, but Touji wouldn't let a simple missing limb stop him. He aimed and squeezed the trigger. He frowned when he heard only a click and turned the rifle over. Instead of a magazine, the brains from Kaji's Eva were inside. "Nasty... Well, that's what you get when you let someone shove a missile up your butt, moron." He tossed the rifle away and then ran towards the enemy, scanning the battlefield for a weapon. As he drew closer he found a long sword embedded in Hikari's corpse. When he was within fifty meters of the enemy, he realized why he was being ignored. "Ah! His sensor package has been damaged. He's blind except for his visual monitors." A large grin grew on Touji face. "This will be like sneaking up on a hot chick and goosing her... except I'll goose him with my sword... hmmm... I guess I could goose women with my 'sword' too." He laughed at his sick little joke, wishing someone were around to hear his wit. He approached the Eva directly from behind, knowing that most of the Evas had a blind spot that the tactical display made up for. But since this Eva was damaged, it was unable to spot Touji's approach. Suddenly, Misato veered left to avoid a huge diamond shaped angel that was approaching her. "Shit!" Touji cried out and tried to adjust his attack in time, but it was too late. The enemy Unit Ten turned to pursue Misato and in the process, the pilot saw Touji out of the side of his entry plug. The Eva's left arm blade came up and slashed Touji's remaining hand off. "Shit!" Touji barely jumped back in time to avoid the follow-up swing from the Eva's right arm blade. He glanced at the self-destruct system, wishing he could use it to take out the last enemy and leave Misato as the sole survivor, but that system was disabled during tournament play. He extended his flexible arm and used it to keep the enemy at arms length as he backed away as fast as he could. Unfortunately, that 'arms length' was decreasing rapidly as his enemy chopped sections of his extended arm off with each swing of his arm blades. Touji checked his tactical map and smiled at what he saw. "He won't see it coming without his sensor package." He laughed as he slowly guided his enemy into position. Touji keyed his systems to sever his arm, turned to his right, and took off running at full speed. His opponent was taken by surprise and looked at the fallen limb to make sure there wasn't a grenade or some other nasty surprise left behind with it. After confirming that the arm was just an arm--or most of an arm by that point--he started running after Touji. Without his tactical map he scanned the battlefield carefully, wary of a trap. Suddenly, Touji disappeared over a hill in front of him. Not wanting to give Touji time to setup a trap, he bounded over the hill in front of him ready to slice Touji into pieces with his arm blades. Instead, he found himself teetering on the edge of a steep canyon. "Shit!!" he cried out and tried to keep his Eva from going over the edge. Down below, Touji watched his enemy as he plunged towards the canyon floor. "Shit... go over!!" The last thing he saw was his enemy take a step backwards and avoid the plunge. "Damn." As Touji's screen when dark, he slammed his fists against the controls. "Damn... damn... damn..." -E- -V- -A- The last member of the blue team, a pimple-faced boy named Hidoe, smiled as he managed to keep his balance and then step back from the edge of the crevasse. He grinned broadly and turned around. The grin vanished when Hidoe saw Misato's Unit Sixteen running full speed directly at him. He tried to get out of the way, but was pushed over the edge when she ran into him. The two Evas tumbled off the cliff's edge locked in a twisted ball and fell into the deep canyon below. "Oh shit!!" Misato cried as she saw the ground rushing at her. She scanned for the off switch, but didn't find it. Mostly since there wasn't one. "I don't like this game!!" She suddenly remembered the jump jets and figured they might help her in this situation. "What I really need is a parachute, but..." She scanned the controls. "Where was that button again?" The ground came closer and Misato just started pressing buttons at random. In the course of her pressings she managed to sever her left arm, turn on her fog lights, set off a signal flare, clean her front visual sensors, and fire a spike pack from her shoulder holster. The spikes from the pack exploded outward and actually managed to hit the enemy Eva. The two Evas pulled apart and continued their plunge separately. Although it wouldn't save her life, she also managed to trigger her armor release. As Hidoe watched, the armor fell off Misato's Eva and revealed the featureless female body underneath. Without the sex cheat enabled, all he saw was a pair of nipple-less breasts and an opening-less, hairless groin. It was still enough for him to get a massive nosebleed. Since he had no idea what a real girl looked like naked anyway, he just assumed that all women looked like that. All his favorite anime TV shows showed that women were really like that, after all. Finally, Misato managed to trigger the jump jets and slowed her descent. She grinned from ear to ear as her Eva started to gain some altitude. Hidoe wiped the blood off his nose and forward screen. He laughed after seeing Misato's Eva rise on a plume of smoke. "Fool... you'll run out of propellant long before you reach the top and then fall to your death." He smugly calculated his rate of descent against his available propellant and waited until the last moment to fire his jump jets in order to make a soft landing on the canyon floor. Misato's jump jets gave out just as her opponent's ignited. "Oh... shit." She found herself falling again. "Oh shit!!" Hidoe cried out at about the same time when he realized that only one of his jump jets had ignited. He toggled the manual igniter for the second jet a few times trying to get it to fire. "Oh fuck!!" he shouted when the second jump jet fired, but in the wrong direction. Outside, a single spike from Misato's earlier accidental firing of her spike pack had been driven into one of the jump jet nozzles. The spike had damaged the control systems and deflected the nozzle of the second jet to the side. His Eva spun around like a firecracker until it finally impacted against the canyon wall and exploded in a huge fireball. "Oh... pretty!!" Misato commented and smiled. Her smile vanished when her entry plug exploded in a series of multi-colored sparks. Real sparks. -E- -V- -A- Moments earlier, Makie crushed in a dark cabinet filled with wires and circuit boards. "Damn... this is impossible." He pulled out a mass of wires and gaped at them. "Which one is it?" He started cutting the wires, one after the other. "Nope... nope... nope... aaaaacckkkk!" He convulsed in pain as the electricity flowed through him. Smoke rose from the young boy's hair. "That's the one..." Shaking his head to clear it, he stripped the installation off the wire and moved it towards a capacitor on one of the circuit board. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes as the wire touched the capacitor. Small cabinet he was in was quickly filled with sparks as he overloaded the game systems. -E- -V- -A- Hikari, Asuka, ad Kensuke stared at the displays in the briefing area in disbelief. "She... won?" Asuka gasped. "Impossible." "Wow. I didn't even calculate the odds of Misato winning if she was the only one left. It is about as ridiculous as Hikari and me sle..." Kensuke shut up fast before Hikari could kill him for spilling the beans about him planting his tree in her forest. "Well, err... um..." Before Kensuke could dig himself deeper into trouble, Touji walked out of the launch bay with a huge frown plastered on his face. "Sorry guys... I blew it." Hikari giggled at the forlorn look on his face. "You are so cute. Misato managed to kill the enemy Eva and win the game for us." Touji's jaw dropped and he looked at the monitors. On one was the frozen image of the players' stats. Only Misato's Eva was listed as functional. "Wow... I don't believe it." He frowned again when he saw all the other monitors were displaying digital static. "What's wrong with the other displays?" "Who cares! We won!!" Asuka threw her fist triumphantly into the air. "It's a miracle!" Hikari started to laugh. "No, just an improbable series of events that..." Kensuke's serious demeanor vanished as he couldn't hold back any more. "...allowed us win the game. We are so great!" As Kaji sat nearby and brooded, the gang started to dance around and celebrate. The four teenagers all hugged each other. Kensuke and Hikari exchanged embarrassed smiles when the group hug broke up. Asuka decided not to kill Touji for feeling her up. Their celebration was cut short when a group of the game center's workers rushed by. "Out of the way... there's something wrong with the system!!" -E- -V- -A- The gang looked on concerned as they wheeled Misato out on a stretcher. Kaji rushed to Misato's side. "Oh my... how could I have let you do something so dangerous?" Misato looked vacantly into Kaji's eyes and made some gurgling noises. "Don't try to speak. I love you." Kaji kissed her sweetly on the lips. Misato moved her jaws as if to speak. Kaji bent down and placed his ear to her mouth. As he heard her whisper, he smiled. "Don't worry about that. Right now, you are my only concern. I'm sure there isn't a reporter within miles of here." He bent down and kissed her again. Suddenly, a man popped up and took a picture of the kissing couple. "What a scoop!!" Kaji started to chase the photographer but lost him in the crowd surrounding them. "Shit." -E- -V- -A- One of the Eva championship organizers stood at the front of the assembled crowd, which included Asuka, Hikari, Touji, and Kensuke. Kaji had gone to the hospital with Misato. Fortunately, she wasn't hurt too badly and only had a few minor electrical burns. "Ladies and gentlemen. The game systems have suffered a huge power surge that overwhelmed our protection circuits. Unfortunately, we will not be able to hold the finals tomorrow. We will reschedule for a later date either here or at the Eva center in Tokyo-3." There was a lot of grumbling and complaints from the crowd, but one angry voice was heard over the rest. "What about that last game? Did we win?" Asuka asked, since they never announced the official results after Misato got her butt fried. The other members of the Dark Eva Knights added their voices to her question while their opponents tried to claim that their last player was still alive when the game was damaged. "He was not, you asshole!" Asuka glared at the other team. The organizer in front waved her hands. "Quiet... quiet. We have reviewed the data from the game and it does appear that the last 'Mother Fucker'-" She paused to shake her head sadly at the lame names that some of the teams chose. "-died two point one five seconds before the power surge. So the Dark Eva Knights are the winners of the third round and will advance to the final championship round and play the Rampaging Evas." The gang all cheered and hugged each other. In their excitement, Hikari and Kensuke exchanged a light kiss. They quickly moved away and tried to hide their embarrassment. Touji meanwhile was taunting the other team. "Buttholes! You lost... you lost... the Mother Fuckers are a bunch of losers!" Needless to say, Touji was beaten up by eight pissed off boys. -E- -V- -A- "Makie, you fucking idiot!" Hasamoto kicked the trembling boy again. "I told you to make sure to fry the game BEFORE either team won!" Another kick. Makie grimaced from the impact and curled up tightly in a ball. "I tried... I did my best." "That's not good enough!" Another kick. The sole girl in Hasamoto's team grabbed Hasamoto's shoulder. "Hassy... please... don't hurt him any more. I'm sure he got the point." Hasamoto backhanded the girl. "Shut up, bitch!! I'll teach this little moron not to screw up my plans!!" The girl fell to the floor and put a hand to the dark red welt that had appeared on cheek that he hit. "I'm... sorry... but we'll need his help if we're going to beat them in the final round." Hasamoto stopped his latest kick before it connected. He considered her words for a few seconds before kicking the bruised boy again. "Fine... that'll be enough. But you screw up again, and I won't stop kicking you until you're dead. Got it?" The bleeding mass grunted. Hasamoto stormed out of the room. The girl started to go to help the boy, but flinched when Hasamoto barked another order. "Rei, come on!!" The girl mouthed a silent 'sorry' to the boy and then scurried off after Hasamoto. -E- -V- -A- Rei ran down the street wearing just her bra and part of Shinji's torn up shirt wrapped around her waist to make an improvised skirt. As she ran, the skirt flapped and caused occasional flashes of blue hair. This caused passing men to stop and stare. It also caused a number of passing cars to crash into light poles and trashcans. Shinji ran by her side, wearing the rest of his shirt as a loincloth. In their haste to escape from the police, they had run out of the warehouse so fast and left most of their clothes behind. If they were swinging through the jungle on vines, they wouldn't have looked out of place. But instead, they were running through a district in Osaka-2 handcuffed together. If it was the red-light district, they might have gone unnoticed and maybe even gotten jobs at one of the myriad of S and M shops that one found in the red-light district. But instead, they were in an upscale shopping district. The three policemen who were chasing them did not seem to be offering them employment either. Except maybe jobs making license plates. Anyway, the Tarzan and Jane wannabes held each other's hands tightly as they dodged pedestrians and tried to evade their pursuers. They held each other's hands not for comfort or reassurance, but to avoid chafing. "Shit... we've got to get out of these handcuffs and get some clothes!" "Don't worry about it, Shinji, you look great," Rei smiled at her half-naked lover. Her eyes brightened as she caught sight of a familiar building. "Down that alley! Quick!!" They hung a quick left and entered a long thin alley. Rei ran down about halfway before bursting through an old door. She pulled Shinji inside and slammed the door shut. She leaned against it and breathed heavily. Shinji looked around the small dirty room they found themselves in. "Where are we?" Rei sighed. "It's a place I worked at for a short time." She stood on her tiptoes and looked out the peephole. "The cops just ran by... good. I guess they are paid to ignore this place as well as I thought they would be." Shinji looked around and then moved towards the inner door. He was pulled back by Rei. "What? Isn't the place you had a friend who could get us out of..." He rattled the handcuffs that bound them together. "No... it was just a convenient place to hide from the cops. We'll have to go as soon as the cops are out of the area." "Why?" "Let's just say that I left this place under bad circumstances and they'd probably do something worse than have us arrested if they found us." "Rei..." Shinji pulled her into a tight embrace. He cringed when he heard a shout from the other side of the door. "Hey, Akemi, your daddy warbucks is in room five!!" Shinji looked at the inner door in a different light. "It's a... a..." Rei nodded. "It was after the miscarriage... I was really messed up and..." "I understand. It's okay." Shinji gave her a sweet kiss to put her at ease and then pulled her into a tight embrace. Rei looked out the peephole again. "We'd better get going again." When she turned around, she smiled at the sight of Shinji's bulging loincloth. "Well, maybe we can stay here for a bit longer." The improvised skirt and loincloth dropped to the floor and soon another couple added their voices to the groans and cries of passion in the brothel. -E- -V- -A- "Time number three coming up," Asuka muttered absently. She barely paused in playing her solitaire game to make the comment. Rei just smiled slightly at the viewpoint and took notes. Suddenly she slipped her hand down her body and touched herself. "Hmmmm, that does feel good." She made some more notes. "Great... Shinji's can't stop watching his perfect world fall apart and Rei's learning the joys of masturbating." She flipped a card down. "Great, I needed that card!" "What is masturbating?" Rei asked. "Ask your mother... I refuse to talk to you about sex anymore. If Shinji will do me, then I'll be glad to tell you all about it, but until then, forget it." "Okay." Rei turned and went off to find her mother. After a short while, a shocked voice called out. "What?! Ummm... oh no. Ask your father... oh... I guess the First Angel was your father... well... err... oh fuck. I need a drink." -E- -V- -A- Rei rested on top of Shinji's naked chest, listening to the pleasant beat of his heart. "I love you." Shinji smiled and ran his hand through her hair. "Yeah... me too. We'd better..." Suddenly, the inner door opened and a bag of used condoms was tossed into the room, spilling it contents over Shinji and Rei. "Ack!!" Shinji and Rei jumped to their feet and brushed the condoms off. "Who are you?" the condom man asked. "Shit, let's go..." Rei ran for the door, pulling Shinji behind her. "Hey! It's that Rei slut who ripped us off!" The man pulled out a gun and fired a bullet at their retreating backs. Shinji ducked at the sound of the gunshot. "Bloody hell!" Rei was leading the way through the twisted back alleys of Osaka-2. "This way." "Err... we forgot our clothes again." Rei smiled and looked back at her naked lover. "You want to go back for them?" Shinji shook his head. Rei giggled and took a moment to put her bra, which had been dangling on the handcuffs, back on. "I think there is someone a few blocks from here who can help us... but..." She paused when she realized what she might have to do to get that help. "But?" "He might want me to... you know... to pay him back." "NO!! I don't ever want to see you sell your body for any reason." Rei heard the love in his voice and nodded. "Okay... thank you, Shinji." They kissed and then Rei looked around for signs of trouble and led him away again. "Come on... there's a girl I know who will help us." "But not for sex with you, I hope." "No... but she might be tempted to borrow you." She winked, but quickly laughed when Shinji's face went blank. "Don't worry... I'd never share you. You're all mine." She gave him a deep kiss and they took off running again. And ran right into another couple. The four of them fell to the ground in a heap of twisted arms and legs. "Watch where you're going, dummkopf!!" "Asuka?" Shinji looked up from the pair of breasts his face had landed on. "Oh... um..." Touji looked up from the breasts his face had landed on. "Wow!! Rei, I like the new look!" He was sporting various bruises and cuts from his earlier pummeling by the Mother Fuckers. Rei blushed and squirmed out from under Touji, hiding her naked lap with her free hand. Shinji tried to hide his nakedness as he awkwardly got off Asuka, but Asuka still got an eyeful. "Ouch!" Asuka rubbed her eye where Shinji had poked his semi-erect penis into it. "Watch where you point that thing!" "Sorry." "Why are you naked anyway, jerkoff?!" She bashed Shinji on the side of his head. "And handcuffed to Rei!" Another blow. "And getting an erection!" Shinji recoiled under the last blow. "Stop that!" He turned towards Asuka and glared at her. Asuka frowned and stared at Shinji's left ear. "What is that?" Shinji looked confused and absently felt the side of his head. "Huh?" Asuka looked closer. "Is that... a condom?" Rei gasped and looked around to see the used condom that was dangling from Shinji's ear. Since she was handcuffed to his right hand, she hadn't noticed it before. "Shinji... your ear," she hissed. Shinji went pale as he frantically groped for the condom and threw it off. "Err... um..." He thought furiously. "It's hair gel!! Yeah..." He looked away when he thought he heard a police whistle. "Listen guys, we don't have time to talk. Touji... give me your pants and Asuka give Rei your skirt. Now!" "What?!" a shocked redhead cried out. Touji was already out of his pants and handed them to Shinji. "Need the underwear too?" Asuka looked crossed at Touji. "Pervert." She looked back at Shinji. "Shinji, what the hell is going on?! Your parents came down from Tokyo-3 and asked us to help them find you before the cops did. What did you two do?" She glanced at the discarded condom and shuddered. Shinji gulped. "Err... um... my parents?" "Yeah... they showed up right as we were leaving the Eva center!" "The Eva championships!" Shinji slapped his forehead. Then Rei slapped him too. Shinji winced in pain and recalled that they were handcuffed together. "Damn... I forgot about the cuffs." He looked at Touji. "How'd you do?" Touji smiled proudly. "We won... barely. But the game system is fried so..." "That's not important right now, Touji!!" She glared at Touji and then back at Shinji. "Tell me what's going on with you two!" Shinji looked nervously at Rei and handed her the pants to put on since Asuka wasn't making any move to take her clothes off for Rei. "Sorry, but we really have to get out of here before the cops find us." "You prick, tell me what's going on!" Asuka insisted more. In this case, that insisting included grabbing his penis and twisting. "Owwwwwwww!!" Rei slapped Asuka's hand away. "Stop that!" She gently rubbed the sore appendage, which made it grow in size. "Are you okay?" Shinji nodded. "Let's go." He looked back at Asuka and Touji. "Um... tell my parents we're okay, but we just can't be separated anymore." Asuka laughed. "You make it sound like you're eloping, idiot." Shinji looked at Rei and smiled. "Yeah... something like that." Rei giggled. Asuka's jaw dropped. Shinji took Rei's hand and took off running. He was still naked, but at least Rei had the pants and bra on now. "Wow... who would have ever guessed Shinji and Rei were fucking each other." After leaving a bruised and battered Touji behind on the pavement, Asuka ran after the fleeing couple. "Ouch." -E- -V- -A- Shinji and Rei ran cuffed hand in hand around a corner. "Watch out!!" Hikari gaped at the sight of a naked Shinji running towards her. She shook her head to clear it, but by that time Shinji was gone. "What the..." She looked around. "Kensuke!!" Kensuke ran back to her from the store he was checking out. "What?" "Shinji and Rei just ran by here." She pointed in the direction that the two fleeing fugitives had vanished. "Let's..." Kensuke went silent as Touji and Asuka ran by them in pursuit of Shinji and Rei. Touji glanced back quickly. "Come on, we've got to catch them!" "Shit... where are Touji's pants?" Kensuke asked. "At least he's not naked like Shinji is." -E- -V- -A- Shinji could hear the shouts from the gang behind them, but dared not slow down. "Damn, they'll attract the cops." "I think you being naked is more likely to draw attention. I know I like the sight." "Rei, can't you be serious?!" Shinji snapped. "Sorry, but when I'm with you, I just feel so happy." Shinji smiled. "Me too... any ideas how we can get out of this mess?" Rei looked around the unfamiliar streets. "No... I don't know this area of Osaka-2 that well." Shinji ran around another corner and saw a man standing directly in their path. He threw his handcuffed hand up in order to keep from hitting the man, but he didn't quite get their hands high enough in time. The chain of the handcuffs caught the man across his throat, causing all three of them to drop to the ground in a tangled heap. Rei rubbed her sore butt and apologized. "Sorry about that." Shinji rubbed his head and looked at the guy they had hit. "Yeah, we're... DAD!" Gendou rubbed his sore neck and looked up to see Rei and Shinji. "Shinji! Rei! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" "Oh fuck... this is all your fault old man!!" "Don't speak to me that way!" Gendou scolded. "If you hadn't let your cock wander..." Gendou completed the sentence. "Rei would never have been born..." Shinji flinched and looked at Rei. "Well... still..." Rei heard police whistles and looked around. "Shinji, we've got to go!" Shinji started to stand up. "Yeah..." "No you don't!!" Gendou grabbed the handcuff chain and held on tightly. "Let go! Or do you want us to go to jail?" "No... but running away isn't the answer!" Shinji kneed Gendou in the groin and then managed to pry his father's fingers off the chain. "Come on, Rei." Gendou gasped for breath and rubbed his various sore spots as he watched his two children run away. He had just started to rise to go after them when he was run over by the gang as they chased the fleeing Shinji and Rei. Touji looked around. "Did we hit something?" Asuka shrugged. "Who cares. Come on, we're going to lose them." -E- -V- -A- In the theater, Shinji had suddenly smiled broadly. Rei looked worried as she examined Shinji's face closely. "Do you think he's okay? That grin is odd." Asuka laughed. "Oh, I imagine that he's just happy at seeing his father get his family jewels busted." "Family jewels?" Rei asked, confused. "Balls." Rei's expression didn't change. "Num-nuts." No reaction. "His rocks of love." Asuka sighed. "His testicles!" "Oh." Rei paused and then tilted her head. "Why would his father getting kneed in his testicles make Shinji happy?" "Let's just say that men are particularly sensitive in that area." "Yes, I noticed that when I sucked Shinji's penis." Asuka glared at the blue haired girl. A part of her wanted to pound Rei and part of her wanted to do what Rei had done to Shinji. A wicked grin crossed her face. "You know, Rei, maybe you should go talk to your mother. I'm sure she's busted a lot of balls in her time and can tell you more about it." Rei tilted her head slightly. "You want to suck his penis too, don't you?" Asuka blushed. "Shut up!" All things considered, it was not one of her better comebacks. -E- -V- -A- And they're off! In the lead was a naked Shinji cuffed to a provocatively dressed Rei. Close behind was a pissed off redhead and a horny teenage boy. Three guesses which of them thought that. On their heels, we have the non-couple who had sex the night before. Not that either of them would talk about it. The occasional awkward glances that passed between them as they searched for and then chased Shinji and Rei showed they weren't happy that they ended up together when the search teams were chosen. But their concerns were nothing compared to the animosity between the next pair. New to the race were the two mothers, who didn't trust each other enough to let the other search by herself. "Shinji, please stop!! We can work this all out!" Yui pleaded with her son, but he didn't hear her. "You little prick, come back with my daughter!" Ritsuko cursed at the boy who was fucking her daughter. Well, not at that moment, but she had a pretty good idea why Shinji was naked and her daughter was wearing a pair of men's pants. And stumbling up from behind is the bruised and battered father of the two leaders. The race took them down back alleys, down main thoroughfares, across a wedding banquette table, through the local zoo, through a gay bar, through a crowded bargain sale, and finally through a park. By the time the race reached the park, there were several more people, a bride, a herd of elephants, and a panda in pursuit of Shinji and Rei. The bride was chasing Shinji since he was bigger than the groom was. Several bar patrons had joined for similar reasons. And a number of young bargain shoppers gave up their quest for cheap dresses for a chance at catching Shinji. Well, at least two of the young women were after Rei, but since one of them was bi, it was hard to get an accurate count of who was chasing who for what reason. In fact, several people had joined in the chase out of sheer curiosity. Shinji and Rei jumped over a necking couple. The pursuers didn't quite clear the couple and several bodies ended up on the ground in a twisted mass of limbs. The elephants decided to jump in the nearby lake to cool off. Several boats floating on the surface capsized, dumping the lovers within into the cold water. "Hey! That's my ass you're touching!" "Who's touching my breast?" "Someone touch me, dammit!!" Rei glanced back at the remaining pursuers, which still included their parents, the gang, and an odd assortment of people she didn't know, one of which had a black and white fur coat on. She glanced back at Shinji and started to laugh. "It's not funny!" Shinji insisted. "I'm sorry Shinji, but you look so cute when you're naked and covered in wedding cake frosting." Rei reached over and ran her hand across his frosting-covered chest. She pulled back her hand and licked the frosting seductively off her fingers. "Yummy." A mound of frosting rose from Shinji's groin. "Damn... we've got to find someplace to hide from these guys so we can fuck!" Rei laughed. She gripped Shinji's hand tighter and they redoubled their pace like only a couple of horny teenagers looking for a place to have sex could. Normally fate would provide a way for Shinji and Rei to do just that. But fate was on vacation and poetic justice was on duty. Unfortunately, poetic justice wasn't a big Shinji and Rei fan. They emerged into a large clearing and screeched to a halt at the sight that befell them. At first glance, it was just a large barbecue. At second glance, it was a very large barbecue. At third glance, it was the Annual Southern Japan Police Officer's Barbecue Bash, as evidenced by the large banner over the main stage that proclaimed that in large characters. At fourth glance... well by the time Shinji and Rei had a fourth glance they knew their life as fugitives was over. Poetic justice is a bitch, isn't she? On stage, a fat balding man was making a speech. "And our next award goes to Officer Anno for bringing down the evil purple robot that terrorized Osaka-2 last night." The audience went wild and hooted and hollered. "Bring out the robot killer." "Anno got his robot after all!" "How many bullets did it take to pop that balloon?" As Officer Anno slunk up to the stage to accept his Golden Plunger for his heroic deed, the aforementioned mob chasing Rei and Shinji burst into the clearing that was full of police officers. Although off duty, the police officers were immediately suspicious of the naked boy covered in frosting and handcuffed to a girl wearing just a bra and pants. The police in southern Japan were known for being fast to pick up on clues like these. The fat man on stage spoke into the microphone. "Excuse me... but the nude, co-ed, S and M cake toss isn't until the end of the barbecue." They are also known for having extremely kinky barbecues. Just as Rei and Shinji had a ray of hope that they'd somehow get away from the mass of police officers, Officer Anno's eyes went wide. "Shit! Those are the two kids who escaped from my car last night!!" Needless to say, Shinji and Rei did not get to compete in the nude, co-ed, S and M cake toss. Although somehow Touji, Kensuke, Asuka, and Hikari managed to get into the contest. Touji and Hikari took first place, while Asuka refused to run and caused her and Kensuke to come in last. Go figure. -E- -V- -A- Shinji awoke the next morning and stretched. "Ouch," he cried out when he banged his arms on the cell bars. He rubbed his arms as he rose from the thin mattress and looked around the bare cell he had spent the night in. He sighed and suddenly had the urge to pee. He looked out into the hallway to see if there was anyone watching then glanced back at the toilet in the cell and grimaced. He slowly walked to the bowl undoing his prison pants. He sat down and let out a long 'ahhhhhhhhhh'. "Shinji?" Shinji started at hearing his name and looked around. "Huh?" "Shinji, is that you?" "Rei?" "Yeah... I'm in the next cell." Shinji jumped to his feet, pulled his pants back up, and rushed to the wall leading to the cell her voice had come from. In his haste, he didn't shake and a wet spot spread across his pants. "Rei, are you alright?" "Yeah... they just moved me in here after some problems with my roommate. I'd recognize your ahhhh anywhere." Shinji smiled. "What happened with your former roommate?" "She was a girl I used to know. She still blames me for stealing Hasamoto from her." "Did you tell her she could have him back?" Rei chuckled. "Yeah, but she wouldn't believe my story and sort of got violent." "Are you okay?" "Yeah... she looks worse than me." "Sorry about all this. I should never have run from that cop." "No... I enjoyed it. Well, at least the sex part." Shinji blushed. "Yeah... however long we're in here, I'll find you when I get out." "Thank you." Rei's hand appeared around the outside of the bars searching for something to hold. Shinji saw the hand and reached out and grabbed it. "I love you, Rei." He squeezed her hand to reassure her. At that moment, it was all he could do. It was enough. In her cell, Rei smiled as she felt his hand grasp hers. "I love you too, Shinji." She pulled the ice pack off her eye to reveal the black eye she had gotten during the fight. "Forever." -E- -V- -A- "Love sucks!" Shinji screamed as he came out of his trance. "Why, Shinji?" Misato asked. "Why?!" Shinji pointed at the viewpoint. "Look what it leads to. They're both in jail!!" "But they look happy." "They're in JAIL!" "But they're together." "Not for long!!" Misato put a comforting hand on Shinji's shoulder. "Sometimes those few stolen moments together are better than spending every waking moment with the one you love." "That's bullshit. Love sucks! It just leads to pain and more pain." Misato pulled Shinji into a hug. "Maybe, but it also leads to happy times. You just have to open your heart to the offered love." Shinji blinked loudly. "Are you telling me to return Rei's love?" Misato scowled and pushed Shinji away from her. "No! If you touch my pure and innocent daughter, I'll make eternity a living hell for you!" Shinji glanced at the viewpoint. "Don't bother... I'm doing a pretty good job of making a mess out of it without your help." -E- -V- -A Excerpt from 'The American Century Dictionary' - 1999 edition: love n. 1 deep affection or fondness 2 sexual passion 3 sexual relations 4 beloved one; sweetheart 5 Tennis. No score; zero v. (loved, loving) 6 feel love or a deep fondness for 7 delight in; admire; greatly cherish 8 FOR LOVE for pleasure, not profit 9 IN LOVE enamored (of) 10 MAKE LOVE have sexual intercourse Excerpt from 'Shinji's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 2nd edition: love n. 1 I have no idea what love is 2 wow... um... well... I guess what Rei did to me felt good 3 yowsa... um... well maybe after a few dates 4 I don't think I ever really had a chance to have one 5 Tennis. Don't know how to play it v. (loved, loving) 6 I like Rei, but I don't know if I can return her love... and what about Asuka? 7 I delight in all three of the women I share this theater with... Admire? Yeah, except when Misato is drunk or Asuka pulls my penis. Cherish? Well if we were the last people on Earth then maybe... oh we are. Okay, I guess I can cherish them too. 8 FOR LOVE for pain, not pleasure 9 IN LOVE could I be in love with Rei... or maybe Asuka? 10 MAKE LOVE No, I won't fuck you, Asuka! Excerpt from 'Asuka's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 1st edition: love n. 1 Shinji has no idea what love is 2 that Asuka and Kaji sure had some hot passion together 3 yeah, I'd do it with Shinji, but Kaji would be better 4 I've had a lot... I was very popular back in Germany 5 Tennis. Anything that involves busting balls, I'm good at v. (loved, loving) 6 Yeah, what about me? 7 Gee, I'm so glad it took the end of the world for you to finally cherish me. Be still my heart. 8 FOR LOVE well, that other Rei was sure doing it for cash 9 IN LOVE what a joke. Rei thinks she loves that little boy 10 MAKE LOVE when do I get to have sex? It's not fair. Come on, Shinji, I'm bored. Do me! Excerpt from 'Rei's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - written by her kind and caring (if a little overprotective) mother: love n. 1 love is confusing, don't mistake feelings of loneliness or friendship for love 2 don't even think about doing anything with Shinji 3 I mean it 4 kissing is okay, but no tongues (P.S. Asuka was a slut in Germany) 5 Tennis. Make sure to wear bloomers so the guys can't see your panties when you hit the ball or you'll have to hit their balls when they swarm all over you after the game v. (loved, loving) 6 don't you feel him either or go deep on him again 7 you can admire him from across the theater 8 FOR LOVE don't you dare take money from him for anything 9 IN LOVE even if you are in love with Shinji, don't have sex with him 10 MAKE LOVE for the last time, Rei, do not fuck Shinji! I forbid it! -E- -V- -A- "Hey, Shinji, do you want to fuck me?" Shinji's jaw dropped to the theater floor. "Rei... um..." "My mom has told me all about it and I think it could be fun." Shinji squirmed. "Well, I'm sure she said you shouldn't rush into it." "Yeah, she clearly told me not to have sex. But for some reason that makes me want to do it even more." Shinji sighed. "Rei... why? Why do you think you love me?" "I just do. I don't feel complete without you. I feel so warm inside when we're close. I feel I can relate to you. I empathize with you. I don't know how to say it another way, so I'm saying that I love you." Shinji dropped to the ground and started to shake. "He... he said the same thing." "He?" "Kaworu." "Kaworu said he loved you? But he's a boy." Rei inquired innocently. "Was a boy. Until I killed him." Shinji looked down at his hands and imagined they were covered in blood. Of course, considering the nature of the theater there suddenly was blood on them. Rei gasped. "Shinji. Let it go. If you don't the pain will eat you alive." "Why? Your second self killed herself for me. Kaworu wanted me to kill him so that I could live. My mother..." Shinji rubbed his hands together and the blood slowly faded from them. "Everyone who loves me... dies." "I'm sure people who hate you die too." "Gee, thanks." Rei sunk slowly to Shinji's side. "You know, Shinji, I only have some of my second self's memories and I don't know what happened at the end of her life, but I don't think she felt the same way as I do now." Shinji looked up at Rei, confused. "Huh?" "I am the sum of my experiences. My first self saw the child of Mr. Ikari and wanted to play with him." "You met me when we were kids?" Rei shook her head. "No, we didn't meet then. I saw you on the security cameras when you visited the test center. At the time, I was almost always in the tank and the cameras were the only view I had of the outside world." "That's awful." "It was... all I knew at the time. My second self felt the need to join with you..." "You mean have sex?" "No... it was more of a bonding of souls, than love or sex. My third self combines those and adds my observations of my fourth self." "Fourth?" "The Rei you created." She gestured at the viewpoint. Shinji considered this for a few moments. "So, that's why you think you love me... because that Rei loves that Shinji. Rei... that's not you and that's not me." "Aren't they?" "No!!" "Why not? That Shinji is a part of you. That Rei is a part of you. So, somewhere inside you there must be a part of you that loves me." Shinji frowned as he considered this. "Rei... even if that's true. I just don't know if I want to return your love. It'll just lead to pain and heartbreak like it has for them." "I promise I won't become a prostitute, if that'll help." Shinji had no idea if she was being serious or making joke, but a smile appeared on his face. "It's not like there are a lot of customers around." "Just you." She paused briefly. "And Asuka and Misato, but I don't believe they are lesbians." "No... probably not." Shinji sighed and idly traced random patterns on the floor with his finger. "What is love?" he whispered to himself. Rei leaned in. "Did you say something?" Shinji looked up at Rei and sighed. "Rei, don't get the wrong idea about this." "What?" "This." Shinji leaned over and gave Rei a short and tender kiss. Shinji watched her face as he pulled away and could see the happiness spread across her face. It was a smile unlike any of the others he had seen on her. It was a smile that made him warm inside. He touched her face, marveling at the touch of her skin. "I don't know if there is such a thing as love anymore, but I'm willing to take the chance that that other Shinji took." "Thank you, Shinji." Rei leaned in and kissed Shinji. Shinji thought before getting lost in the sensation of the kiss. A choice is made. [End - Garden of EVA 1:6 - Love Sucks!] ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: Well, does love suck or doesn't it? I don't know. Do you? The condom on the ear joke was inspired by the movie 'There's Something About Mary'. I couldn't resist. I'd like to thank my pre-readers David Johnston, Thomas C. Kinnen, EBJ, Michael Liebenow, Robert Wurtsmith, and Michael A. Chase for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML member Toh Ee Loong was also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft (September 2, 1999) Revision 0.1 - Pre-reader draft (September 26, 1999) Revision 0.2 - FFML draft (October 12, 1999) Revision 1.0 - Final version/Frist RAAC Posting (October 27, 1999)