From: "Jim Lazar" Subject: [Eva][FanFic][Lime] Garden of EVA 1:7 - Jail Sucks! ======================================================================= Garden of EVA 1:7 - Jail Sucks! Book 1: Sucks Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-1999 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that really sucks. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime ======================================================================= There are some real nasty sexual situations in this part. At least one edges into lemon territory briefly. ======================================================================= Shinji bent over to pick up the bar of soap he had just dropped. He realized his mistake the moment he felt something pressed against his backside. "Arghhhhh!" He shot across the shower room in a split second. "Awwww, the new kid doesn't want to play." The boy who had pressed his... knotty pine against Shinji's buttocks swaggered over. Two other guys followed him while stroking their... little twigs. "Now then... we can do this the easy way or the hard way." A leer appeared on his face. "Personally, I prefer it the hard way." He stroked his tree to help drive home his point. "Grab him!" The other two boys raced over and grabbed Shinji before he could get out of the way. They held his arms tightly and pulled him forward. The first boy walked over, his tree rising to the occasion. "Now then, where were we?" He made a spinning motion with his finger. The two boys holding Shinji turned him around, easily overpowering Shinji's attempts to escape. "No!" Shinji screamed. -E- -V- -A- "No!!" Shinji screamed as he came out of his trance. As the viewpoint froze, Asuka complained. "Come on... I want to see you get it up the ass!" She started to laugh. Three voices belonging to Shinji, Misato, and Rei called out in unison. "Shut up, Asuka!" Shinji dropped to the floor and sat cross-legged. Rei plopped down next to him and wrapped her arms around him to comfort him. Misato frowned. "Hey! You're too close to Shinji, Rei!" "Awww, Mom!" Rei pouted and reluctantly slipped away from Shinji. "Shinji, it'll be okay." Shinji sighed. "Everyone keeps saying that, but it just gets worse and worse for Shinji" "Well, that's what he deserves after toying with Asuka's heart like that." "Shut up, Asuka!" three voices scolded again. -E- -V- -A- "That's enough of that, Worm. Get your cock away from the new kid's ass, you asshole." Shinji let out a sigh of relief as the boys released him. He looked around to see a huge, bald guy standing in the doorway to the showers. 'Worm' smiled awkwardly at the newcomer. "Sorry, Oushi, I was just kidding around." Oushi cracked his knuckles. "Sure you were. I could care less if you and your pals want to stick it to yourselves, but don't force yourself on the newbies." "Right.. sorry..." Worm scurried out of the showers with the other two boys close behind. Oushi threw Shinji a towel. "You okay, kid?" Shinji grinned awkwardly. "Yeah... I guess. Thanks." "No problem. Those guys should know better than to mess with my property." Shinji gulped. "Property?" Oushi leered at Shinji. "Yeah... all the new boys are mine to fuck." He pulled his pants down. "Ack!!" Shinji backpedaled across the room. Oushi let out a loud laugh. "Rei was right, you are a little naive." "You know Rei?" "Yeah... I was this close-" Oushi held his fingers close together. "-to being the lucky one to pop her cherry. Too bad that Hasamoto guy got her attention or maybe I'd have won her heart like you apparently have." Shinji warily made his way to the exit, trying not to picture Rei 'with' the huge guy in his mind. The shudder that ran though his body showed that he wasn't successful. "Yeah..." Oushi finished undressing. "Don't worry kid, I'm just taking a shower. When Rei found out you were being transferred up here to Tokyo-3, she got a note to me and asked me to look out for you." Shinji blushed. "Err... thanks." Oushi looked Shinji over like a side of beef. "Hung like that, you'd be eaten alive--or at least sucked to death--in here." Shinji covered his groin. "Err... thanks, I think." "Well, from what I can see, you'll make Rei really happy." He winked. "But don't bend over in the showers." "Yeah... I already found that one out the hard way." "Worm was pretty hard, wasn't he?" Shinji blushed. "That's not what I meant!" -E- -V- -A- Asuka scratched her chin as she looked at the viewpoint and then at Shinji, who was still in his trance. "Hmmmmm... Hey, Rei, can you make Shinji hard for me?" Rei looked confused. "Huh?" "Well, I'm not going to touch it like that." She pointed at Shinji's penis. "Come on. Make it hard." Rei cocked her head to the side. "What do you mean?" "Like you did before. Suck his penis or stroke it... whatever. Just make it hard." "I'll be glad to, but why?" Asuka sighed. "I just want to check something." "Well, if you feel that you are not capable of making it hard, very well, I'll do it." Asuka's face fell. "No... I... Um..." After regaining some composure, she spat, "Just do it!" Rei shrugged and went to work. After she made Shinji's tree mighty, Asuka pushed her aside. "Hmmmm..." Asuka pulled a tape measure out of nowhere and extended it. She held the end to the base of Shinji's penis and then extended the tape some more. "Ha! I knew it!!" "Asuka, what are you doing?" Asuka smiled awkwardly and looked up from Shinji's groin to his face. "Um... just a little research." She glanced at his groin. "And I do mean little." "I can't believe you'd do that to me! What kind of sicko are you?!" Shinji slapped her hands away from his mighty oak. Asuka smiled devilishly. "Rei's the one who got you hard, I was just measuring it." Shinji looked at Rei. "You were a part of this?" Rei nodded sadly. "Yes, but I didn't know why she wanted you hard." Shinji rolled his eyes. "Rei, the next time Asuka asks you to do something don't do it unless you ask your mom or me if it's right. Okay?" "Alright. The next time she asks me to suck your penis, I'll ask you first." The corner of Shinji's mouth twitched. "You can safely assume that if Asuka asks you to do that to me again, that you shouldn't." He turned and scowled at Asuka. "Now what were you doing?!" Asuka smirked. "Well, I was just confirming a little theory of mine." Shinji looked confused. "Huh?" "You made THAT-" Asuka pointed at the viewpoint which was frozen of a picture of Shinji walking out of the showers with his mighty oak dangling between his legs. "-Shinji bigger than you really are. He's at least an extra two inches longer." Shinji blushed and awkwardly looked at Rei, who was suddenly looking between his groin and the viewpoint. "Um... no... I..." He covered himself. "He's not!" Asuka laughed. "Give it up, Shinji! You had the chance to make yourself bigger when you made your 'perfect world' and you took it. THAT Shinji is easily two inches longer when erect that you are." "Actually, it's only one point six inches longer," Rei casually commented. Shinji and Asuka looked at the blue-haired girl for several moments before Asuka spoke. "You knew?" "Sure. I was taking detailed notes after all." Rei pulled out her notebook and flipped to a page titled 'Relative sizes of the penises'. On it were very detailed drawings of the penises of both Shinjis with calculated measurements. "As you can see, it's also thicker in his perfect world." Shinji sighed. "Can't you girls just play a card game or something instead of playing with my penis?!" "No," both girls answered in unison. -E- -V- -A- "What's wrong, Asuka?" Hikari asked from across the table Asuka looked up from the noodles she had been prodding with her chopsticks. "How can you ask that after what Shinji did to me?!" "I think you're more angry that he didn't do to you what apparently he's been doing to Rei." Touji started to laugh. Asuka stopped his laughter with a bowl of ramen strategically placed on his head. Hikari glared at her boyfriend and then looked back at Asuka. "We don't know that they've been-" She unconsciously glanced at Kensuke. "-having sex. And their parents aren't exactly telling us a lot. It could all have a perfectly simple explanation." Hikari's words didn't even have enough conviction behind them to fool herself, let alone Asuka. "They were running away from the police, handcuffed and naked!! Add the condom on Shinji's ear and the fact they both reeked of... well, they smelled like they just had sex." Touji chuckled. "How would you know?" Hikari added another bowl of ramen to Touji's head. "Asuka, why don't you go visit Shinji and ask him? It's been a week since he was transferred up to the Tokyo-3 juvie hall." "No! Why should I?" "Because you like him. Don't you?" Asuka looked awkwardly at her hands. "Yeah..." "Well, then go talk to him and find out what happened. I'll go with you if you want." Hikari looked at Kensuke and Touji. "We all will." Asuka sighed. "No, I'd better do this alone." -E- -V- -A- Asuka wrung her hands as she waited in the little visiting booth. The door on the other side of the glass partition opened and Shinji walked in. He smiled awkwardly at Asuka. "Hi, Asuka." Asuka sprung to her feet suddenly and pounded on the glass. "You archkriecher!! How dare you lead me on! I'll kill you!!" Even though he knew she couldn't get through the glass, Shinji instinctively backed up from the angry redhead. "I'm sorry, Asuka. I never meant to hurt you." Asuka stopped banging on the glass, but still looked ready to kill Shinji. "Why did you lead me on when you were already fucking Rei?!" "Well, Rei had some bad things happen to her as she was growing up. At first she didn't want anyone to know we were dating and then... well, we had a falling out... of sorts... and that's when you and I... you know." Asuka's eye twitched. The twitch spread down her arm and stopped when she pounded the glass again. "You dumpfbacke!! So the little slut wouldn't give you any, so you came running to me." "No, she would give me it, but we always got interrupted." "So you've never had sex with her?" "Err... two times so far... err three actually." "So... are you going to marry her when you're older?" Shinji sighed and shook his head. "No, I can't." "Then are you going to marry me?" "No. I'm sorry, but I just don't love you. After we both get out of jail, I'll do whatever I can do to stay with Rei. Even if it means living on the streets." Asuka scowled. "Why don't you just marry her?" Shinji looked at the floor. "I... can't. It's a long story. I'm sorry I gave you the wrong idea about our relationship. Things were just so chaotic that I didn't know how to tell you and a part of me was looking to replace the love I feel for Rei that I didn't think I could ever..." Asuka giggled. "When did you get so deep and serious?" "Love does that to you." Asuka frowned again. "Bastard." "I'm sorry." "So why the hell can't you marry her?! If you're ditching me for her, at least you'd better not be stringing her along too." "I want to marry her and I will find a way to spend my life with her, but I can't marry her because she's..." Shinji took a deep breath, uncertain how Asuka would take this news. "She's my half-sister." Asuka's jaw dropped to the floor. Since Asuka seemed unable to speak, Shinji decided to spill the whole story. "My idiot father had a little fling with Rei's real mother, who up until recently Rei thought was her sister. Adoptive sister actually, because Rei's real grandmother adopted Rei as her daughter to avoid her daughter being seen as a slut, which the old witch is." Asuka finally found her voice. "Yeah... you told me some of Rei's problems with her parents. So you're fucking your own sister? You sicko!!!" "I... I didn't know she was my sister at first." "But you do now? And you still are going to fuck her? You're one sick puppy, Shinji!" "I know it's wrong... but I don't care anymore. I love her. I'm sorry I hurt you." "Don't be! I'm better off without a sicko like you as a boyfriend!" Asuka suddenly spun around and stormed out the visitor door. "I'm sorry, Asuka." Shinji sadly made his way back to his cell. Asuka leaned against the other side of the visitor door and tried to contain her tears. "You jerk." She lost her battle with her tears by the time she left the jailhouse. She spent most of the evening walking in a park, thinking about what to do. She frowned and looked up at the stars for inspiration. And got an eyeful of bird do-do. "Fuck!" A voice called out of the darkness. "Fucking is over in the woods tonight, this area is only for necking and breast fondling." Asuka clenched her teeth and wiped the shit out of her eye. "Shut up!!" Her shout and evil glare sent a number of couples running in terror from her. She clenched her fist and looked at the night sky. "Just you wait, Shinji!! I'll teach you to toy with my heart!!" -E- -V- -A- "Next!" Rei called out as a naked girl got off her bed. Rei rubbed her sore hands, but figured she was good for a few more. "You'd better be as good as they say," another naked girl said as she handed Rei a package and then lay down on the bed. Rei casually checked the contents of the package. "I am." She ran her hands across the girl's skin, working her way slowly down the teenager's soft skin. "Ahhhhh..." the girl gasped. "You like that?" "Yeah..." "Oh...." "Ahhhhh..." After a half-hour of this, the girl gave one last sigh of contentment and then rose from the bed. "You give the greatest massages, Rei." Rei smiled and wiped the oil off her hands. "Thanks." "You know, if you ever need some company at night I can arrange to switch cells." The girl winked. Rei shook her head. "Sorry. I've got a guy and I promised him I'd never do it with anyone else but him. Ever." The girl sighed. "Lucky guy." "No... I'm lucky to have met him." "Well, you're in here till your eighteenth birthday, so if you change your mind..." Rei gasped. "How did you know that?" "All the lesbians are talking about you." Rei rolled her eyes. "Can you spread the word that: A, I'm not a lesbian, B, I've got the greatest guy in the world waiting for me when I get out, and C, I'm not interested even if A and B weren't true." "As long as you keep giving backrubs like that, I will." "Deal." Rei smiled. She looked at all the women with towels wrapped around their bodies lined up outside her cell. -E- -V- -A- "Three years!!" Shinji shouted. "Calm down, Shinji," Yui said from the other side of the visitor's booth. She placed a hand on the glass, trying to get as close to her son as possible. "You'll be out in six months." "Who cares! She doesn't deserve to spend that much time in there! I'm the one who ran from the cop!" "I know, dear, but she was convicted of prostitution. There was no way for her to get out of that." Shinji ground his teeth. "Don't remind me." "You're lucky we got them to drop the charges about your being her pimp when we explained that you were her half-brother." "Who cares... without her, I might as well stay in here until she gets out." Yui looked at her son appraisingly. "You really love her that much, don't you?" "Yes," Shinji answered without reservation. "You know that it's not right." "I don't care. After we're both get out of jail, we'll live together. With or without your permission." Yui nodded. "Shinji..." Just then a buzzer rang and a guard called out. "Time's up!" Yui sighed. "Shinji, I love you. I'll see you next week. Are you sure you don't want to see your father?" Shinji scowled. "No! He'll be lucky if I even speak to him after I get out of here." Yui nodded and stood up. "Goodbye, my son." Shinji smiled. "Bye, Mom, I love you." Yui turned around and left the visitor's booth, tears flowing down her cheeks. -E- -V- -A- Excerpt from 'The American Century Dictionary' - 1999 edition: jail n. 1 place for detention of prisoners 2 confinement in jail v. 3 put in jail Excerpt from 'Shinji's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 2nd edition: jail n. 1 detention sucks 2 confinement sucks v. 3 put in a theater... we're all in a jail of sorts, aren't we? Excerpt from 'Asuka's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 1st edition: jail n. 1 place for Shinji to get a dick up his ass 2 confinement in a little cell where Shinji can't run from the rape gangs v. 3 put in Shinji's backdoor Excerpt from 'Rei's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - written by her kind and caring (if a little overprotective) mother: jail n. 1 if you ever find yourself in jail, don't bend over in the showers 2 trust me, it's bad for boys AND girls to bend over in jail showers 3 why? 4 well, when I was younger I got into some trouble... err... just don't do it, okay? -E- -V- -A- "Man, six months in the slammer. That has to be rough," Touji commented as he sat on a park bench with Hikari and watched sun set in the distance. Hikari nodded, but didn't look away from the night sky she was looking at. "Yeah, but Rei's got three years ahead of her." "That sucks too. But it sucks more that Shinji lost his virginity before me." Hikari tensed. Touji smirked and looked at Hikari. "But it would have been worse if Kensuke beat me too." Hikari tensed more. Touji frowned after finally noticing that Hikari had ripped two chunks out of the wood bench with her clenched fists. "Are you okay?" Hikari laughed and looked at Touji. "Yeah.... just a little cold." Knowing an invitation when he heard one, Touji slipped his arm around Hikari and held her tightly. He bent down and gave her a long hot kiss. Hikari's heart wasn't in the kiss, but returned it anyway. -E- -V- -A- After a long make out session, Touji walked Hikari home and gave her one last kiss. After their lips parted, Hikari couldn't stand the fire inside her any longer. "Touji?" "Yeah?" Hikari looked down at the ground to hide the blush she knew must be evident on her face. "Can... you get a room for tomorrow night?" "Huh... why?" Hikari's eye twitched. "Because I'd rather not have to do it in the park, you moron!" "Huh? Everyone makes out in the park." Hikari sighed. "I'm not talking about making out..." "Then wha... Oh!" Touji smiled broadly as he finally realized what this meant. He jumped around for a few seconds before catching Hikari glaring at him. "Um... of course, I'll make it a night you'll never forget." Hikari smiled on the outside while she was frowning on the inside. -E- -V- -A- The next night, Hikari lay by Touji's side and watched his chest rise and fall. She sighed and rolled over and cuddled with the sleeping Touji. -E- -V- -A- A small mob of reporters surrounded the front porch of Kaji's house. They knew the smell of blood when they wrote it. "Mr. Kaji, what is your response to the picture that was taken down in Osaka-2?" "Mr. Kaji, the rumor is that you'll be dropping out of the mayoral race, is this true?" "Mr. Kaji, is your fiancee going to leave you?" "Hey, dirtbag, how are you going to get out of this one?" Kaji peered into the mass of reporters trying to locate the source of that last question. He put on a dashing smile and waved everyone into silence. "Please... please... I assure you that the woman in those pictures is just a good friend who was injured. I was comforting her after she was burned, that's all. I am not dropping out of the race and my fiancee is still very much the love of my life. She wouldn't think of leaving me over these silly rumors you reporters persist in spreading." "Out of my way, Kaji!" Maya snapped. She pushed Kaji aside and walked down the steps carrying two large suitcases in her hands. "Maya? What's this all about?" Maya smirked. "I think you know." She turned towards the reporters. "Get out of my way, you vultures." She pushed past the reporters and was greeted by Ritsuko, who took one of the bags and helped Maya into a waiting taxi. On his porch, Kaji tried to remain calm. "Well, my fiancee is just visiting her mother for a bit." A shout contradicted him from the taxi. "Yeah right! We're through, you asshole! And you can kiss my father's support goodbye." Kaji's eye twitched repeatedly and only his years of political experience allowed him to keep the twitch from spreading to his whole body. The taxi sped off, leaving Kaji behind to face the reporters. Inside Kaji was frantically trying to think of a way to save his campaign. "Mr. Ryouji, I'm here to repossess your house." Kaji's face fell. "Huh?" The geeky repo man looked at his paperwork. "Apparently the collateral for the loan was withdrawn. Step aside, please." Kaji's eye twitched uncontrollably. Since Kaji didn't move, the repo man pushed him aside and started checking out the house. "You've got an hour to get your crap out of here." Kaji's chin fell to his chest and he slunk inside his house. Make that his former house. -E- -V- -A- Misato opened the door and shivered from the cold wind that assailed her. She peered into the pouring rain outside and gasped when she saw who was there. "Kaji?" "Can I stay here for awhile?" Kaji said, hefting two large suitcases in his hands. Misato frowned. "What about your 'image'?" "The harm is done already. The reporters pretty much know we're lovers, Maya left me, they repossessed my house, and I don't know what might happen to my campaign." Misato seemed to appraise the soaking wet man in front of her for a few seconds. "Come in, but don't get anything wet. Kaji looked down at his soaked clothes and shrugged. "I'm not sure that's possible." "Then take off your clothes before you come in," Misato said straight-faced. She spun around and went back inside, leaving the door open. Kaji looked around. "This is because I could never commit to you fully, right?" Misato's voice replied from inside. "Pretty much." Kaji sighed and started undressing. He placed his wet clothes by the door and then grabbed his suitcases. Just as he was about to walk inside, a bright flash blinded him. "What a scoop!!" a photographer yelled as he ran away. Kaji watched the blurry image run away. "What else can happen tonight?" "Archkriecher!!" Kaji looked over and saw Asuka staring at him. She couldn't seem to decide where to look and her eyes ended up fluctuating between his face and his groin. "You pervert!!" Asuka screamed after it twitched and bashed Kaji across his face with her purse. Kaji crashed to the ground and grunted. "I shouldn't have asked." -E- -V- -A- Later, Asuka sat in Misato's living room. Misato and Kaji, who was dressed in a robe, sat across from her. "Why are you here, Asuka?" Misato asked, not exactly pleased to have her there. Asuka looked at her hands, afraid to look them in their eyes. "I need Kaji's help." Misato growled, literally. "You can't sleep with him again!!" Asuka gasped. "What?! Why the hell would I want to sleep with Mr. Two Inches here again?" Kaji flinched as a part of his ego was ripped away. "It's not the size that matters!" Misato's eye twitched. "He may not be huge, but he knows how to use it. Well, except when he tries to pretend it's a train and I'm a tunnel... that is so lame." Kaji's ego took another blow. "Whatever... I initially thought it was so bad because it was Shinji's first time, but if you like it, fine. I'm here because I need your help to get Shinji out of jail." "What? You want to get Shinji out of jail just because he's so much bigger?" Misato asked. Asuka's eyes narrowed. "How would you know?" Misato suddenly found an interesting spot to look at on the floor. "Um... err..." Kaji spilled the beans. "Misato ended up fucking Shinji the night you and I did it." Misato glared at Kaji. "That is not for public consumption, idiot!!" Asuka's jaw dropped. "No wonder he's so confused. Who wouldn't be after fucking an old woman!" "That's no way to talk to your teacher!!" "I could call the principal and tell him that you make a habit of sleeping with your male students..." Misato growled. "You little bitch... I was drunk when I had sex with them, so it doesn't count!!" Asuka laughed. "That'd hardly hold up in court!!" Suddenly, she frowned. "Them?" "Kensuke and Shi... oops." Misato put her hand over her mouth. Asuka's jaw dropped. "You fucked Kensuke and he lived through it?!" She never would have guessed that Kensuke had enough blood to survive having sex. "Damn, you're sicker than I thought. Now are you going to help me get Shinji out or do I talk to the principal and the media?" "Bitch." "Takes one to know one." Misato sighed in resignation. "Fine, we'll see if we can get Rei and Shinji out of jail." "Not Rei, just Shinji. I need to get him to forget about Rei, and for that I need some time alone with him." Misato glared at Asuka, but knew her hands were tied. Well, not literally since Maya had taken all the equipment when she left Kaji. "Very well, Asuka, we'll see what we can do." Asuka grinned in triumph. Misato and Kaji were very shocked when Asuka started to cackle maniacally. -E- -V- -A- The wax dripped down onto Ritsuko's breast. She squirmed, but was held tightly by the ropes that bound her. Except for the blindfold and ropes, Ritsuko was naked. "Ahhhhhh!" "You've been a bad girl," Maya said, shaking the candle she held to release another drop onto her lover's breasts. Maya was dressed in a tight leather teddie and thong with an open crotch. "Oh, Mistress... please stop." "No!" Ritsuko's mother poked her head into the room, which was currently more of a dungeon than a room. "Ritsuko dear, when you and your friend are done playing, we have to get to our appointment." "Okay... okay... I'll be finished soon." "NOW!" "Ahhh gee, Mom!!" -E- -V- -A- Asuka glared at Shinji as he came out of his trance. "You made Kaji smaller too, didn't you!!" Shinji ducked the fist thrown at him. "No!!" Asuka swung again. "Yeah, right!!" "Asuka!!" Misato shouted. "Stop that. Kaji's... size is correct in the world Shinji created." Asuka's jaw dropped. "No way!! My Kaji could never be that small!!" Misato sighed. "Your Kaji only exists in your mind. The real Kaji is smaller than Shinji... both of them." Asuka huffed and crossed her arms over her naked bosom. She glanced down at Shinji's groin and smirked. -E- -V- -A- "Ikari!!" As he sat on his toilet, Shinji looked up at the bars to his cell. "Hey! I'm on the toilet here!" "Fine... fine... I'll just give this pardon to someone else." "What?!" Shinji jumped up and ran to the bars of his cell, leaving a trail of wet spots on the floor. "What do you mean?" he asked the guard as he gripped the bars. "We just got an order for your release. You're free." He opened the door. It took Shinji a few seconds to digest the news. "Alright!!" He ran out of the cell and down towards the exit. His run was greeted by shouting and cat calls. "Damn, that's a long sucker..." "Let me give it a goodbye suck, Shinji!!" "Damn, I could have had a eight-incher!" "Here, have mine." "No thanks, I don't like the look of that rash." "Bye, honey." Shinji finally realized he left his pants behind on the cell floor when an arm reached out from one of the cells and grabbed his penis. "Damn, that's a handful!" -E- -V- -A- Shinji was blushing when he walked out of the jail and hugged his mother. He shot an evil look at his father and then was tackled by a redhead. Asuka gave him a long kiss. "How does freedom feel?" She pressed her body closely against his to punctuate her question. Shinji blushed and squirmed out from under Asuka. "Um... it feels fine. Thanks for coming everyone." He looked around. "The gang isn't here?" Asuka shook her head. "We're taking you out for a party tonight, so you'll see them soon." Yui ran her hand through her son's hair. "You look okay, Shinji. You didn't get raped or molested in there, did you?" Shinji gulped and looked away awkwardly. "No! Rei got a friend to look after me." Shinji frowned. "I have to go visit her now that I'm out." "I don't think that's a good idea, Shinji," Yui said, patting Shinji's hand. "I don't care. I'll see her if I want to." "Well, don't expect us to pay for you to get to Osaka-2." "I'll find a way," Shinji said determinedly. Asuka's eye twitched. "There's time to worry about that later... let's go party!" She smiled and dragged Shinji off. A bewildered Shinji looked at the smiling redhead. Yui and Gendou watched Asuka pull Shinji away. Yui cocked her head to one side. "I think he'll be okay." Gendou nodded. "Yes, he seems to be adjusting. I'm sure he'll give up his silly notion of living with his sister." Yui's eye twitched. "Don't think I've forgiven you for that." Gendou gulped. "Yes, Dear." -E- -V- -A- "Fucking your own sister! What a stud you are!!" Touji laughed. Shinji looked around awkwardly at the other customers at the restaurant the gang had dragged him to. "Shhhhhh..." Obviously, Asuka had told the gang about Shinji and Rei, but she had decided not to mention the tidbit about Misato sleeping with Kensuke and Shinji. That wasn't part of her plan, but making Shinji see how people would react to the idea that he was having sex with his half-sister was. She grinned as she saw how embarrassed Shinji was about the situation. Hikari was not happy. "So... you toyed with my best friend's emotions just because you were having problems with Rei, huh? You're a lowlife, Shinji." Shinji flinched. Asuka smiled. "Hikari, please. Shinji has already apologized to me and I've forgiven him. It's just one of those things that happens." Shinji was very surprised at how Asuka had been acting since he got out of jail. Shinji looked at Kensuke, who was staring at a very well-endowed woman in the next booth. Hikari looked at her best friend in astonishment. "If you say so, Asuka, but I'm surprised at how calmly you're taking this." Asuka shrugged. "What can I do? Shinji's the sick one here, so why should I make a big deal about it?" "I'm not sick!!" "Okay, Shinji. Whatever you say." Shinji dropped his head slightly. -E- -V- -A- "Good morning, Shinji!!" Asuka said as she flung open the curtains in his bedroom. Shinji shielded his eyes from the sudden glare and sat up in his bed. He looked surprised that he was still in his pajamas and Asuka was wearing a nice low-cut green dress. "Why aren't you naked?" Asuka gasped and held her hand modestly over her chest. "What?! How dare you ask that!" Shinji shook his head. "I'm sorry, it's just that was how you kept waking me up before..." "Only a couple times. But if you really want..." Asuka reached behind her back and started unzipping her dress. "NO!!" Asuka shrugged. "Whatever. Come on, get dressed and we can go." "Go?" "To the park for breakfast so we can celebrate your freedom!" "I don't feel like it." "I wasn't asking," Asuka declared, sounding like her old self. -E- -V- -A- Reluctantly, Shinji followed Asuka up the hill. When they reached the top, he looked around. "Where's the gang?" "It's just us, silly." Shinji frowned. "I told you we can't date anymore." "It's not a date. Can't two friends go on a picnic? Or are you saying that I'm not your friend anymore?" Asuka frowned and did her best to look hurt. Shinji waved his hand. "No... no... of course, you're still my friend. I just meant... I..." Asuka smiled. "Let's eat then." As he sat down to eat, Shinji started to wonder if Asuka had been taken over by pods from outer space. -E- -V- -A- Asuka lay on the grass and watched the clouds drift by. "That one looks like a flower." "Yeah... maybe." Shinji muttered. Asuka pointed up at a cloud drifting by. "Wow... that one looks like your head." Shinji squinted. "No it doesn't." "Wrong head." She gestured at his groin. Shinji gasped and tried to deny it. Unfortunately, when he looked at the cloud again he realized it did look like the head of a penis. Despite himself, he started to giggle. They lay like that for another hour, talking and laughing like old times. As they got up to leave, Asuka realized she had forgotten that she was supposed to be making him pay for hurting her. -E- -V- -A- A few days later at school, Kensuke and Shinji swapped stories about their encounters with Misato. "So, was her clit really sensitive for you too?" Kensuke asked. Shinji blushed and looked around the schoolyard to make sure no one was within earshot. "Yeah, I guess... It was dark and I didn't know it was Misato." "Who did you think it was?" "Rei or Asuka... although near the end I was fairly certain that it was Asuka. Rei's breasts are a little smaller." "Yeah, I've noticed." Shinji scowled at Kensuke. "That's the girl I love you're talking about." "And your sister. Are you really going to live with her after she gets out of jail?" Kensuke asked. Shinji nodded. "Yes, I love her. I can't imagine being without her. Knowing that she's in jail is killing me." "Yeah, that's got to be..." Kensuke was cut off when Touji plopped down next to them. "Well, Hikari and me have done it five times now." Shinji rolled his eyes. "You don't have to tell us after every time, Touji." "Yeah..." "You two are just jealous of our exciting love life. We just did it in the girls' bathroom... talk about daring." Touji smiled as he boasted of his escapades. Shinji sighed. "Rei and me did it in handcuffs while we were on the run from the law." Kensuke looked at Touji. "Sorry, man, he has you beat there." Touji frowned. "The wedding cake frosting was kinky and all that, but does it count when he does it with his sister?" Shinji smirked. "Oh yeah... it counted." Touji frowned. "I'll be right back." He rushed off to find Hikari. Shinji and Kensuke laughed. Shinji turned back to look at Kensuke. "You think we should tell him about us and Misato?" Kensuke shook his head. "No, I don't think Hikari could handle Touji trying to catch up with us if he knew that. She's kind of frail and seems to enjoy gentle sex." Shinji's jaw dropped. "You didn't..." Kensuke swallowed hard as he realized what he had let slip out. "Don't tell Touji! He'll kill me!" Shinji looked around to see if they were being overheard and then leaned over to Kensuke. "So how was it?" Kensuke grinned. "Best I've had so far." Shinji patted Kensuke's shoulder. "Don't worry, I won't tell..." "Thanks." Shinji continued. "For the price of a train ticket to Osaka-2." Kensuke gaped at Shinji. "You could have just asked for a loan." Shinji frowned and looked nervously at his hands. "Sorry... it's just that everyone is against me seeing her." "Well, I'm your friend and think you should do what your heart tells you to do." "Thanks. Now about..." Kensuke smiled. "How much do you need?" "Well, there's the ticket itself, but there was something else I wanted to get for her..." -E- -V- -A- "What, again?" Hikari asked as she hobbled out of the school and saw an obviously horny Touji waiting for her. The obvious part was the huge bulge on his pants. Touji smiled and nodded. "Yeah... and I know just the right place." Hikari rolled her eyes. -E- -V- -A- Asuka and Shinji walked home that afternoon, talking casually. "Hey, Shinji?" Asuka asked as they reached Shinji's apartment. "Yes?" "Are your parents home?" "No, you know that they have their marriage counseling today." Asuka tried to act surprised. "You don't say? Well, let's watch TV, play a game, have sex, or something." "Okay..." Shinji absently responded. Asuka smiled broadly. "But forget about the sex. It ain't going to happen." Shinji turned his back to Asuka and inserted his key into the lock. Asuka shot daggers into his back with her eyes until the tears forced her to close them. Shinji opened the door and turned to let Asuka in, but instead he saw her running down the street, apparently crying. He started to run after her, but realized that would only encourage her more. -E- -V- -A- Asuka ran into the night until she found herself in a small park. She collapsed onto a bench and sobbed into her hands. "Shinji, you jerk! Don't you know I love you!!" She gasped as she heard herself say the words. She raised her head and looked into the sky. "Why... why, did I say that?" "Because it's the truth." Asuka looked over at the source of the voice and gasped when she saw a ghostly apparition of herself floating a foot or so over the ground. "Wha..." She slid down the bench and tumbled off the edge in her fright. "Stay away!" The ghostly Asuka shook her head sadly. "Don't worry, I'm here to help." "Who are you?" The ghostly Asuka decided to use the explanation she had given Shinji a while back when he had visited his alter-ego. "I'm the Asuka in your mind." "Yeah, right... who'd believe that? What do you want?" "To help you get Shinji." "How? Do I beat him up until he gives in and dates me again, or do I find some way to blackmail him?" "No... You have to find a way to make him fall in love with you." Asuka swallowed hard and said something she had been denying to herself. Somehow telling it to the ghost was easier. Of course, technically that was admitting it to herself. "He's not interested. He just has the hots for his little slut of a sister." The ghostly Asuka scowled. "Yeah, the clone is always diverting his attention from me too." "Clone?" The ghostly Asuka shook her head. "Don't worry about that. I can only visit you once-" She paused and shuddered at the thought of what she had done to get into Shinji's world "-so we have to get this right the first time. Do you trust me?" Asuka seemed to consider this for a moment before she answered. "Well, you have a honest enough face." After going over the details of her plan, the ghostly Asuka faded out of existence and back into the theater. She looked around the quiet theater to see if anyone noticed what she had done. "A good night's work, I think." She looked down at the sleeping Shinji to make sure he hadn't woken up. Satisfied that he was still oblivious to her intrusion into his perfect world, she withdrew one finger from Shinji's ear and her other finger from his anus. "Damn, that's a disgusting way to get myself into his crappy world. I'm never doing that again." She wiped her hand off on Shinji's stomach and walked away. When Shinji awoke later, he was puzzled by the marks on his belly. He ran a finger across them and sniffed the substance. "Ewwww..." He jumped to his feet and looked around. "Asuka!!" -E- -V- -A- The next day, Shinji awoke to a familiar sensation. He opened his eyes and saw Rei sitting on top of his mighty oak and bouncing up and down. "Rei?" He gasped. Rei put her finger to her mouth and shushed him. "But how did you get out?" Rei put her hand over his mouth and continued bouncing. Shinji got lost in the sensation. He reached up and massaged her breasts as she bounced. Suddenly, he frowned and blinked his eyes a few times. He looked down at where her body joined with his and swore. "Shit! What are you doing, Asuka!!" "I'm Rei." "Don't give me that!" Shinji pushed her off his mighty oak just before he shuddered and a white liquid spurted out. "Why the hell are you pretending to be Rei, Asuka?" Asuka look up from the spot on the floor where she had landed after being rudely interrupted. She frowned and pulled off the short blue wig she was wearing. "Damn, what gave me away?" "For one, your breasts are bigger." Asuka smiled and stuck out her chest proudly. "Yeah, I know." "And second, you should have dyed your pubic hair!" Asuka frowned and looked down at her red bush. "Damn, she forgot about that." "She?" Asuka ignored the question. "What the hell were you trying to do anyway?" "Showing you that sex with me can be just as enjoyable as with your sister." Asuka ran her hands sensually across her body. "You seemed to be enjoying it." "Stop that!" Shinji reached for a sheet to cover his naked body. "It doesn't matter if sex with you is enjoyable or not. I don't love you... I love Rei!" "Well, she's in jail and she's also your sister, Dummkopf!!" "I don't care. It's not just about sex. I love Rei because when we're together I feel good and my life would be empty without her. I've never felt that way about anyone before. I still like you Asuka, as a friend. Although I'm starting to dislike what you're doing. Get it through your head that we can't be lovers, can't be boyfriend-girlfriend, and if you keep this up, we can't be friends anymore." Asuka frowned and started to cry. She stood up and started to redress. "I'm just trying to make you realize that you can't really expect to have a real relationship with a girl who is your sister." Shinji sighed and reached for his pajamas. "Yes, I can. Now... I'm going down to Osaka-2 to see her today and..." After slipping his pants on, he reached over to his nightstand and picked up a small ring box. "I'm giving her an engagement ring. It may not lead to a real wedding, but I love her and that's the end of that! Live with it!" Asuka finished putting her dress back on and then made an attempt to grab the ring box. "Gimme that!" Shinji pulled the box back and held it protectively against his chest. "I'm sorry, Asuka, but there is no chance that we can ever be a couple." Just then, Shinji's Mom opened the door and walked in. "Wake up, sleepy boy..." She gasped when she saw Asuka. "Oh, Asuka. I didn't know you were here." Asuka blushed. "Um, I just wanted to wake him up like old times." Yui looked between Asuka and Shinji. "I see... Will you two please come to the living room so my husband and I can talk to you both?" Shinji and Asuka nodded. Asuka was raging inside at the failed plan. -E- -V- -A- Yui and Gendou sat across from the two very uncomfortable teenagers. "Now, Shinji I'm glad you've started to get over your crush on Rei..." Yui began. "It's not crush!" Shinji insisted. "I love her and no matter what anyone says, I'm going to spend my life with her!" Gendou sighed and looked sternly at his son. "Shinji, Rei is your sister. You are just confused." "Shut up, you jackass!!" Asuka and Shinji looked at Yui after her unexpected outburst. "Sorry, Dear." Gendou bowed his head. Yui ignored her husband for the moment and looked back to Shinji. "Shinji, if you really love Rei, why were you having sex with Asuka!!" "I wasn't!! I mean... she tricked me. I thought she was Rei!" Shinji's blush deepened. Yui looked at Asuka. "Asuka, what do you have to say?" Asuka twiddled her fingers and avoided looking at Yui. She didn't want to admit she had tricked Shinji into having sex with her. "Um... nothing. I was just waking him up like I always have." "So, you've had sex with Shinji every time you came over to wake him up?" "No! We haven't had sex!" Asuka's words did not ring true to Yui. "I find that hard to believe considering what's hanging from your ear." Asuka frowned and reached up and felt her ear, which was the ear Shinji couldn't see. She withdrew her hand and gasped when he saw what it was. "Ewwww..." "Now, how many times have you two had sex?" "It's just hair gel!" Asuka insisted. To prove this, she combed it through her hair. "See?" Yui looked suspiciously at the tall cowlick that now rose from Asuka's head. "Asuka, it's alright with us if you and Shinji love each other." "Yeah, and it's better than Shinji having sex with his sister!" Gendou blurted, but quickly cowered away when Yui glared at him. "Sorry, Dear." Asuka glanced awkwardly at Shinji. "Um... well... I'm just trying to make sure Shinji doesn't throw his life away." "Do you love my son, Asuka?" Asuka blushed and nodded. "I guess." Yui turned towards her son. "Shinji, do you love Asuka?" "No!" Shinji exclaimed with conviction, causing Asuka to scowl at him. "I love Rei, and only Rei. Asuka is just a friend." "Dummkopf," Asuka muttered. Shinji scowled at Asuka. "But I'm not sure for how much longer." Gendou worked up his courage and looked at his wife. "I think it's time we told them. It would help Shinji get over this crush on his sister." Yui nodded. "NOW you start making sense." She turned towards the teenagers. "Shinji. Asuka. We meant to wait until you were sixteen to tell you this and see how you got along. We were very happy when you two started dating." "We never really dated!" "We were so dating, you prick!" "Anyway, after Second Impact reduced the population of the planet, there was a lot of concern over future generations." "Yeah... yeah... we learned all this in history, Mom. But what does it have to do with Asuka and me?" "Well, back when you both were barely out of diapers, we made a agreement with Asuka's parents." "Huh?" Shinji started to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "You and Asuka are engaged to be married." Shinji's jaw dropped. Asuka's jaw dropped as well, but soon turned into a smile as she realized what that meant. "How do you both feel about this?" Asuka was the first to answer. "It's great... Mother. I'll make sure your son is happy." Yui smiled. Shinji clenched his fists. "No! No! No!!" He stood up suddenly. "I am sick of you all telling me I can't be with the girl I love. And now you try to force me into some arranged marriage! This is the third millennium, not the primitive second!" Yui reached out to hold Shinji's hand, but he rejected her attempts to comfort him. "Shinji, I thought it was old fashioned at the time too, but everyone was worried about the fact that the birth rate was decreasing rapidly after Second Impact. Making arranged marriages for your kids to ensure that they had a spouse when they were older was very fashionable." "Fashionable?! So I imagine that it was fashionable for Dad to sleep around with anyone who would spread her legs for him?!" Yui shook his head sadly. "No... he's just a cheating bastard." She glared at her husband. "No, I was just doing my part to repopulate the Earth!" Gendou seemed quite proud of himself for using that as an excuse until Yui reminded of a little detail he had forgotten about. "Shinji and Rei were both conceived before Second Impact." "Well, err..." Gendou retreated into the corner of the couch -E- -V- -A- "Hot damn!" Asuka shouted. She looked away from the viewpoint and at Rei, who was standing by Shinji's side. "Asuka's going to get Shinji after all!!" "I doubt it," Rei casually replied. Asuka smirked. "Shinji would never defy his dear mother... he'll marry me in that world." Shinji snapped out of his trace and sighed. "What else can go wrong?" Asuka smirked. "Nothing wrong with you marrying me, Shinji." Shinji looked sadly at Asuka. "It is if he doesn't love her." "How do you know he doesn't love her?" Shinji looked back at the viewpoint. "He doesn't." He glanced at Rei and saw her smile. -E- -V- -A- "Hey, that's great," Touji exclaimed and held up his glass of soda. "A toast to the happy couple!! Kanpai!" Kensuke followed suit, but not as enthusiastically as Touji. "Kanpai!" Shinji banged his head repeatedly against the table of the small burger joint the gang had dragged him to. Asuka was relishing all the attention their friends were giving their engagement. Hikari was torn between being happy for Asuka and also knowing that Shinji didn't love her. Hikari gasped and looked between Kensuke and Touji. Even as she thought those words, Hikari wasn't sure what she thought she had with Touji. Hikari was shaken out of her thoughts when Asuka asked her a question. "What's wrong, girlfriend?" "Nothing... um... I was just daydreaming." Asuka smirked. "Bet you were wondering what it would be like to be married to Touji." "No!!" Hikari blushed and looked at Touji. Touji laughed. "Well, that one thing I'm not in a hurry to do, so Shinji is more than welcome to beat me to the altar." Hikari frowned. Kensuke straightened his glasses. "Well, we all have a lot of time ahead of us to find the one we want to spend our lives with." He subconsciously glanced at Hikari. Hikari noticed his glance and blushed a deeper shade of red. Despite hating it, Shinji stayed at the improvised engagement party until it broke up. He raced to the train station but missed the last train that could get him to Osaka-2 during visiting hours. . -E- -V- -A- Rei paced back and forth in her cell. "His letter said he'd be visiting today. Where could he be?" She paced some more before spotting one of the guards passing by. "Umiko, have I had any visitors?" The large stocky woman paused. "Nope, sorry. Visiting hours are over now... so maybe tomorrow." Rei dropped to the floor and started to cry. "Have you forgotten me already, Shinji?" -E- -V- -A- After their now daily 'let's find someplace exciting to fuck' date, Hikari walked home along the lake near her apartment. She sighed heavily. "What am I going to do?" "Hikari?" Hikari started at the sudden voice and looked around. "Kensuke? Um... evening." Kensuke smiled. "Good evening. You just get done with your date?" "Yeah..." "I see you had fun." "Huh?" "You're not wearing your panties." Kensuke's voice almost had a touch of jealousy in it. Hikari blushed and looked down at her dress to make sure everything was in place. Touji had torn her panties, so she had to do without on the way home. Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time. "Um... how did you know?" Kensuke shrugged. "No panty line." Hikari blush deepened. "You know, for someone who has only had sex once, you're pretty slick." "Um... it wasn't my first time." Hikari gasped. "Ah! So you did have practice to get so good," she said without thinking. She looked awkwardly at the ground when she realized what she had she said. "Um.. what I mean..." "Don't worry about it, Hikari. I'm not going to risk getting Touji mad at me, so I'll keep my feelings to myself." Hikari stared silently at Kensuke for several seconds before speaking. "Feelings? You have feelings for me?" "Err... no... um... I meant... err..." Hikari shut him up with a kiss. They spent the rest of the night together talking about anything not related to that kiss or the night they slept together. Around midnight, Kensuke walked her home and they awkwardly said goodnight. Kensuke was about to turn away, when he stopped and pulled Hikari into a long kiss. -E- -V- -A- The next morning, Shinji was determined to make it to Osaka-2 on the first train of the day. He ran out of his apartment without even having breakfast or speaking to his parents. He was almost to the train station when Kaji pulled up beside him in a red sports car. "Shinji!" Shinji started and looked into the car and gasped. "Kaji?" "Get in, kid. Misato wanted me to come and get you two." "Two?" Shinji leaned down and looked into the car and saw Kensuke in the passenger seat. "What's going on?" "I don't know, kid, she just asked me to get both of you. Get in." Shinji checked his watch. "Um... I really can't right now." "Do you really want Misato angry at you? Trust me kid, it's not a pleasant experience." Shinji gulped. "Well... as long as it doesn't take that long, it's okay. I've got a train to catch." He got in and the car sped off. -E- -V- -A- Misato stood in front of the couch that Shinji, Kensuke, and Kaji sat on. "Now, I'm sure you are all wondering why I got you all together." The three on the couch nodded in unison. "Since I'm not sure how else to say it, I'm going to make this short." She breathed deeply and looked the three of them in their eyes. "I just found out that I'm pregnant and one of you must be the father." Kaji's political career, which was already on life support, vanished with that single statement. Kensuke shuddered as he heard the news. And Shinji fainted and ended up missing his train trip to visit Rei. -E- -V- -A- Asuka smiled as Shinji shuddered out of his trance and collapsed onto the floor. She put a visor on her head and pulled out a notebook. "Okay, I'm taking bets on who the father of Misato's baby is. Who's in?" "Asuka!" Shinji snapped. Asuka ignored him. "Shinji's the favorite at the moment." Rei frowned. "Why's that?" "Because that would suck the most." Asuka grinned broadly. "Give me a million yen on Kaji being the father." Asuka smiled at Misato. "Okay, you're covered. Although the odds are pretty bad on him being the father." Misato scowled. "Why is that? He's had to have made love to that Misato more than the other two." "Maybe, but Kaji being the father would make Misato happy... so in that world it's unlikely." "Give me two million on Kensuke." Asuka made an entry in her notebook. "Okay, the clone is in. But why Kensuke? I'd have thought you'd always bet on Shinji." "I am. I'm betting that he will find happiness." Rei smiled and looked at Shinji. "You're weird, you know that." "Ten million on Shinji being the father." Asuka gasped and looked at Shinji. "Wow. You're that sure your world sucks?" Shinji sighed. "Why not? If it's bad for Shinji, it'll happen. And I can't think of anything worse than him being the father of Misato's child." -E- -V- -A- "Rei, you have a visitor," the guard called out as she unlocked the door. Rei sprang from her bed and was running down the hall before the guard even finished opening the door fully. Rei rushed down and into the little visitor cubical. "Shinji!!" Her momentum almost sent her crashing into the glass separating the two sides of the cubicle. "That's no way to greet your mother." Rei snarled when she saw Ritsuko standing on the other side of the glass instead of Shinji. "What are you doing here?! I told you the last time you came that I don't want to see you or Grandmother anymore. And that goes double for when I get out of here." "Rei, I know you're mad at me, but you got yourself into this mess. Your grandmother and I love you." "I'm sorry, but until you accept that I will spend my life with Shinji, I don't want to have anything to do with you." Rei folded her hands across her chest and made to leave. "Don't you want to know why he hasn't come to see you since he got out of jail?" Those words froze Rei in her tracks. "Wh...why?" "Well, apparently he's engaged to that Asuka girl." Rei's response was barely audible. "No..." "Yes, I talked to her mother to confirm it. It was arranged a long time ago. Face it, he was just using you for your body." "No... he... he loves me." "Then why hasn't he visited you?" Rei was trembling. "I don't know... I have to get out of here so I can talk to him." "Sorry. You'd best use these three years to get over him. He'll be married to her by then." "No... no... no!" Rei put her hands to the glass. "Listen, Mother, I know you don't like him and think our love is wrong, but you have to get Grandmother to use her connections to get me out of here!" "No. Every time we bail you out of one problem, you just get into more trouble. This time you have to face the music. Maybe this time you'll learn something." Ritsuko sighed and looked downwards. "I'm sorry." Rei started to shake uncontrollably. After several seconds of silence, she looked her mother straight in her eyes and spoke. "You can't leave me in here. I wanted to tell Shinji first, but I'm carrying his child!!" -E- -V- -A- Shinji shuddered and collapsed to the floor of the theater. "I was wrong. Being the father of two different women's babies would be worse." "Like father, like son." Asuka started to laugh uncontrollably. [End - Garden of EVA 1:7 - Jail Sucks!] ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: Archkriecher is German for brown-noser, sycophant, ass-crawler. Dumpfbacke is German for dumb-ass. Okay, I know that I used the cum on ear joke from There's Something About Mary in the last part too, but I found it immensely amusing to turn the tables on Asuka like that in this part. I hope you did too. But don't worry, it won't become a running joke. I'd like to thank my pre-readers Axel Terizaki, EBJ, Michael A. Chase, Thomas Kinnen, Lilly, and Justin Baugh for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML members Patrick McClanahan, Toh Ee Loong, C. Jones, Phil, Mark Ferrer, and Seneca R. Rapso were also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft (October 1, 1999) Revision 0.2 - Pre-reader draft (November 2, 1999) Revision 0.3 - FFML draft (November 15, 1999) Revision 1.0 - Final version (December 1, 1999) Revision 1.1 - First RAAC posting (December 5, 1999)