Subject: [Eva][FanFic][Lime] Garden of EVA 1:8 - Fatherhood Sucks! From: Jim Lazar ======================================================================= Garden of EVA 1:8 - Fatherhood Sucks! Book 1: Sucks Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-2000 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that really sucks. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime ======================================================================= There are a couple references to/from End of Evangelion in this part (and more in the next part). I have endeavored to keep spoilers down to a minimum, but there may be potential spoilers herein. And all the usual sex, blood, guts, and bad jokes are here too. "Of course, it's Garden of EVA." ======================================================================= Shinji straightened his bow tie and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He took several deep breaths and tried to calm himself. After getting his hand to stop shaking, Shinji turned around and started to walk towards his destination. After he reached her door, he paused. He started to turn around when he stopped himself. He turned around and knocked on the door. Behind the door, Rei sprang to her feet and smiled. "He's here!!" She checked her hair in a mirror and flicked a strand of hair that was out of place. "I'm going, Mom!!" "Have fun, dear, but not too much fun, if you know what I mean." Rei sighed. "Okay, okay... I already promised not to fuck him during our date tonight!" On the other side of the door, Shinji blushed at hearing Rei's shout. His hand started to shake again as he raised his arm to knock again. Before his hand reached the door, Rei opened it. "Hi, Shinji!" She smiled. Shinji's heart skipped a beat as he withdrew his hand. "Hi... Rei..." His voice cracked and rose a few octaves. He held out his other hand and handed a bouquet of roses to her. "Here." Rei face brightened as she took the flowers. "Thank you, Shinji. Shall we go?" Shinji nodded, not trusting his voice. He held out his hand and Rei eagerly took it. "So, where are we going?" Shinji looked at Rei and smiled. "Over to the other side of the theater." "Oh, it's so pretty over there." Rei beamed. "I like the bow tie, by the way." Shinji blushed. "Thanks." "It doesn't go with the rest of what you're wearing, though." Shinji looked down at his naked body and frowned. "It doesn't?" Rei shrugged, causing her naked chest to rise slightly. "It just seems out of place for some reason." -E- -V- -A- Shinji and Rei lay next to each other and stared at the ceiling. "You do this a lot?" Rei asked after she grew tired of staring. "Yeah... it's sort of relaxing." "It's a bit boring." "Yeah... that too." Rei sat up. "Shinji?" Shinji looked up at her and saw that mischievous look in her eyes that he was used to seeing in Asuka's eyes. He swallowed and then reluctantly answered her. "Yes, Rei?" "Can we..." "Can we?" "Can we paint the ceiling?" Shinji's mouth dropped open at the unexpected question. "Huh?" "Well, since you think it's boring, let's paint it a different color." Shinji thought for a few moments before smiling broadly. "Okay... why not." -E- -V- -A- Later, Shinji lay on the floor of the theater and looked up at the ceiling. For once, he didn't get depressed when he did this. Instead of its old solid white paint job, it now had a vivid rainbow painted across its surface. Flowers and other colorful plants were painted around the rainbow in a splash of color that the theater desperately needed. Shinji looked over at Rei and then down at his naked body. He frowned when he saw all the paint drops and splashes on his skin. He looked back at Rei and wondered about her clean skin. "How did you keep from getting paint on you?" "I was careful." "Ah." Shinji turned his head back and contemplated the ceiling. He stealthily reached over and grabbed a paintbrush with red paint on it. In one quick swipe, he painted a racing stripe down Rei's side. "Shinji!" Shinji smiled playfully and painted two circles around her breasts. In retaliation, Rei reached behind her and grabbed a blue paintbrush. With a flurry of movement, she wrote 'oak tree' on Shinji's chest and an arrow down to his groin. In no time, the two teenagers were splashing paint all over each other. After several minutes of this, Rei's blue hair was a mixture of red, blue, green, purple, and burnt umber. The rest of her body was splashed with similar colors. Rei had been more detailed in her painting. In addition to her pointing out Shinji's mighty oak, she also had painted lightning bolts down his thighs, flower petals around his nipples, a kabuki mask on his face, and a tiger-striped thong on his nether regions. How she managed to paint in such detail was anybody's guess. Shinji was trying his best to get her back in kind, but was obviously not able to do anything as detailed as the 'kick me' painted on his backside. He reached a brush towards her, but she easily dodged his attempts to paint 'spank me' on her buttocks. Maybe he should have just spanked her instead, she might not have dodged that. In his attempts to paint Rei, Shinji slipped on a discarded paintbrush and fell forwards. Rei reached out to help, but instead ended up falling with him. They crashed onto the floor together. Shinji grunted and opened his eyes to find himself looking directly into Rei's eyes. "Um..." Rei waited for something to happen. Half of her was longing for his kiss and the other half was screaming about the pain from her hip where he had landed on her. She ignored the latter, in hopes of the former. After an eternity of beating hearts, Shinji slipped off her body. "Sorry." He slipped a few meters away and sat cross-legged on the floor. Rei frowned as she got up off the floor and knelt down next to him, rubbing her hip. "Shinji... didn't you want to kiss me?" Shinji didn't look up. "Yeah..." "Then why didn't you? I enjoyed it when you kissed me before." "I don't know. I wanted to, but..." "But what? I thought you had made a choice." "I did and I want to see it out... but..." Rei reached out and pulled Shinji's head to face her. "But what?" "I... don't have any protection." Astonished, Rei's legs went limp and she fell to the side, making a mighty thump when she hit the floor. Shinji grabbed a paintbrush and grinned mischievously. He quickly wrote 'spank me' on her buttocks. "Got you!!" Rei spun around a few times trying to see what he wrote, but couldn't. "What does it say?" Shinji smiled. "I'm not telling." "Please." Rei started to get dizzy from spinning around trying to look at her own butt. "I'll show you." "Okay." -E- -V- -A- Asuka heard a loud slapping sound and looked up from the card game she was playing with Misato. "What was that?" Misato clenched her fists. "I don't know." She looked back at her cards. Asuka smiled as she lifted her two replacement cards. "Ha!" Misato looked at her opponent. -E- -V- -A- Shinji banged his head repeatedly against the last wall in his room without head holes in it. "No... no... no." Shinji's mother poked her head in the door. "Shinji, are you sure you won't talk to me about this? You've been upset about something for the past few days. If it's about your engagement..." "I'm not marrying Asuka!!" Yui flinched from the loud outburst. "Then what is it?" Shinji stopped banging his head and collapsed onto his bed. "I'm just upset about missing my train to Osaka-2 the other day. No refunds, my ass." Yui sighed. "Come on." She held out her hand. "Huh?" "If you must see her, we can go down together today." Shinji was stunned. He looked between his mother and the clock, mentally calculating the time they had until the next train. "Why all of a sudden?" "I had hoped you would realize that it's just a crush or infatuation by now. Maybe talking to her will..." Shinji got angrily to his feet. "It's not a crush, it's love!!" "Shinji, you're too young to know what love is." Shinji looked ready to continue fighting, but decided it was a waste of time. "Whatever... let's just go." He walked over to his dresser and paused. "I'll be right out." "Okay." Yui sighed and left her son's room, wondering if she was doing the right thing. After his mother left, Shinji opened his top drawer and pulled out the little ring box. -E- -V- -A- "We're sorry, but due to mechanical problems, the ten O'clock train to Osaka-2 has been canceled." "Fuck!!" Shinji screamed, oblivious to the other waiting passengers on the platform. "Shinji, watch your language." Yui put a comforting hand on Shinji's shoulder. "There's always tomorrow." "I can't wait any longer! You can't possibly know how it feels to be separated from her." Yui smiled. "Yes, I can. When your father is away at one his seminars..." Shinji scoffed. "Learning the best way to unstick vending machine nozzles is hardly a seminar!" Yui ignored her son's interruption. "I miss him terribly when we're apart." "It's not the same, I LOVE Rei!" Yui smirked. "Despite his shortcomings, I do love your father." "Shortcomings... right." Yui sighed. "Shinji, your father is a good man. He has his flaws-" She exhaled deeply. "-many, many flaws. I can't even count them anymore. I tried once and got a headache. I mean, how does one man have so many flaws? It's..." Shinji cleared his throat to stop his mother's ramblings. Yui looked a bit embarrassed. "Anyway, what I mean is that it's not like he's some sort of evil megalomaniac bent on destroying the world." "Sometimes I wonder..." Yui smiled slightly. "Just between you and me, he's not exactly a rocket scientist. He can't even get our HD-DVD recorder to stop flashing twelve o'clock, let alone figure out how to destroy the world." She started laughing. Despite himself, Shinji joined her. Yui gave her son a long hug. "That's what I like to see, my happy son." "If you truly want me to be happy, you'll let me live with Rei." "Shinji..." An announcement interrupted Yui. "Ladies and gentlemen, the train arriving on platform two is being rerouted to return to Osaka-2 to replace the southbound train that some moron ran off the tracks." A second voice was heard over the loudspeakers. "It wasn't my fault! A blonde girl in a sailor suit ran across the tracks!" "Before you said it was a rabbit." "Exactly!!" "Alright!" Shinji exclaimed and grabbed their bags. He rushed towards the bullet train that was just pulling up to the platform. "Come on, Mom." Yui reluctantly followed her suddenly re-energized son. As Shinji and Yui stepped onto the train, another mother and child stepped off from the next car. "It's about time. I thought you'd nag me to death before we got here!" Rei snapped as she made her way to the exit. Ritsuko glared at her daughter. "That is no way to speak to me after I just got you out of three years of prison!" "Fine... I'll wait until later." Rei went silent, as if giving up the fight. Ritsuko smirked at her triumph. The smirk vanished when Rei started speaking a moment later. "Okay, it's later. You know damn well that you and grandmother did it just to avoid the stigma of your unwed daughter having a baby in jail. Just being in jail makes me 'just another bad kid' and you could probably get sympathy from your stuck up friends, but being left in jail when I'm pregnant would make you a bad mother in their eyes. Right?" "You could be a little more grateful." "Yeah, right. You were going to leave me to rot in jail!" Ritsuko sighed and decided she wasn't going to win this argument. Rei smiled at finally getting her mother to shut up. -E- -V- -A- Later that day, a very tired Shinji and Yui stumbled into their apartment. Shinji threw down their bags. "I don't believe that we went all the way down to Osaka-2 and she wasn't there!! How could she have gotten out of jail and not have told me!" Yui opened her mouth to speak, but someone else replied. "Because I wanted to surprise you." Shinji looked down the hallway and saw Rei standing at the end. "Rei!!" He closed the distance in a split second and pulled her into a long kiss. After the kiss went into its second minute, Yui cleared her throat. When it entered its third minute, Yui pulled the two teenagers apart. "Put your hormones in check. What are you doing here, Rei?" Rei was trying to catch her breath after the long kiss, but she was still smiling. "Your husband let us in." Shinji and Yui looked around. Rei giggled. "He's hiding in the bathroom." Yui rolled her eyes. Rei turned toward Shinji. "I'm sorry, Shinji. If I had known you were coming to visit, I'd have told you I was getting released today. I wanted to surprise you." "You did." Shinji started give her another kiss, but was interrupted only seconds into it this time. "Get your lips off my daughter, you asshole!" Shinji instinctively backpedaled away from Rei at hearing the angry shout. "Oh... you're here, old woman." He did not sound thrilled to see Ritsuko. Ritsuko closed the distance to Shinji in a heartbeat. She pulled his hair and yanked him away from her daughter. "Shut up, or I won't let you marry my daughter." Two jaws hit the floor and made a mighty thump. Those jaws belonged to a mother and son. -E- -V- -A- Two mothers squared off across from each other in the living room with their respective son or daughter. After being dragged out of the bathroom, the father of both children sat as far away from the two mothers as he could manage. "I'm sorry, but Shinji is already engaged to marry Asuka," Yui stated. Rei frowned and looked at Shinji. "I know you didn't expect me to get out this soon, but did you really forget about me that fast?" "It's not my idea, Rei! Our parents set it up years ago and just told me last week!" Shinji blurted, wanting to take Rei in his arms to reassure her. Only Ritsuko's repeated threats to cause him great bodily harm kept Shinji from doing so now. Rei's face fell and she seemed to be on the verge of tears. "Oh... so you can't marry me then?" "You bet I can!! Asuka can go take a flying leap off the new Tokyo Tower!" -E- -V- -A- Shinji came out of his trance after Asuka bashed him over the head with a mallet. "Hey!!" "Jerk!!" Asuka swung the mallet at Shinji's head again. "Stop that," Rei said casually as she grabbed the mallet in mid-swing. Asuka looked in amazement at how Rei had managed to stop her swing so easily. "He deserves it after so casually ditching me!" Shinji rubbed his head. "He never accepted that engagement before, so why is it so surprising now?" "I just don't like how you're treating me." Shinji sighed. "I'm sorry, but that world has gotten out of my control, so it's no use blaming me." Asuka crossed her arms. "Things seems to be looking up for that Shinji, if you ask me." "Just wait till he finds out Rei is pregnant... he'll lose it." "Want to bet?" "Sure." "Okay, if he freaks out, then you can have sex with me. If he doesn't, then I can have sex with you." "No!! She's trying to trick you!" Rei blurted. "Really? Are you sure?" Shinji smirked knowingly and then looked at Asuka. "Forget it then, Asuka. I don't want to fuck you." Asuka huffed and folded her hands over her naked bosom. -E- -V- -A- Rei smiled. "Thank you, Shinji. I'll do whatever I can do to be a wonderful wife for you." Yui cleared her throat and looked at Ritsuko. "Excuse me, but since Shinji is already engaged, I'll have to have a reason for your sudden change of heart before I even consider this as being a serious offer." Ritsuko glared at Shinji, not particularly pleased to have to make this confession. "After Rei made her decision, I was reluctantly forced to admit that Shinji should marry her. Despite being the son of that bastard-" She glanced at Gendou. "-he does appear to love her. I guess a part of me wants her to be able to have a better life than I did, so at least this way her child won't be born out of wedlock." "Yeah, but..." Shinji went silent when Ritsuko's last words finally sunk in. "Child?" Rei nodded. "I'm pregnant." "That's my son!" Gendou proudly blurted. Yui threw an end table at her husband. "That's the problem, you idiot! He's too much like you! Well... at least he wouldn't be stupid enough to get two girls pregnant like you did." Shinji gulped and thought about the fact that he had a one in three chance of being the father of Misato's child. They wouldn't know for sure until they could have some genetic tests done on the fetus and Shinji was dreading the outcome of that test more every day. The news that Rei was pregnant just added to his dread. Yui looked at her son. "Assuming you weren't lying about not sleeping with Asuka." "No! I never did!" Shinji snapped, earning a pleased smile from Rei. "Except for that one time that she tricked me, and we didn't... you know... finish." Rei frowned. Ritsuko spoke up. "Anyway, Rei has decided to keep the baby. Having gone through the same decision myself, I am at least going to give her the same support my mother did." She glared at Gendou. "Unfortunately, the father of my child took off on me." Shinji was amazed at the change in Rei's mother. Gone was the cold, hard bitch that had tried to maim, eviscerate, and castrate him--which one depended on her mood and menstrual cycle. Instead, Shinji saw a mother who saw herself in her child and was trying to help Rei avoid making the same mistakes that she had. Gendou was suddenly the recipient of three very angry female glares that almost caused his manhood to fall off. He backed into the corner and looked at Shinji for help. None was forthcoming. "But... but... they're brother and sister!" Ritsuko glared at Gendou. "You would know, wouldn't you, asshole?" Gendou retreated further into the corner and decided not to mention that little fact anymore, it just seemed to get him into more trouble for some reason. Ritsuko looked back at Shinji and Yui. "I already thought about that. As far as the law is concerned, their birth certificates don't list any common parents. And they are both fifteen now, so with parental consent a marriage shouldn't be a problem." Shinji and Rei exchanged glances. Rei spoke first. "Why didn't we ever think of that?" Shinji shrugged his shoulders. He smiled and looked at Ritsuko. "Ms. Akagi, it would be my pleasure to marry your daughter, my sister, and mother of my child." "You haven't heard the conditions yet, sperm-boy." Shinji frowned. "Huh?" Rei looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry, Shinji, it was the only way she would agree." "What conditions?" Yui asked. Ritsuko grinned, as if she was going to enjoy telling him. "One, you'll promise to NEVER call me mother, grandmother, old lady, or anything other than Ms. Akagi." Shinji agreed right away. "Deal." "Second, I get to name the child." Shinji was a little more hesitant on his agreement for this condition, but decided it was a small price to pay. "Deal." Yui and Gendou didn't seem to like that condition. "Third, you get a vasectomy." "Deal..." Shinji's balls receded into his body when they realized what he had just agreed to. His brain figured it out a second later since it had a slightly lower I.Q. than his balls. "What?!" Ritsuko's expression didn't change. "You heard me. Being related, you two can't have any more children and since I can't make sure that you two don't have sex without cutting off that little cock of yours that's the only way to ensure you don't have any more children." "It's not little!!" Rei blurted and then blushed. Shinji echoed the blush. "Well... if that's what it takes... okay." Yui put her hand on Shinji's hand. "Shinji, are you sure? You're so young and what about Asuka?" Shinji nodded. "I'm sure. I love Rei, Mom. Asuka is a friend, but I don't love her and never will." "But... the agreement between her parents and..." "I never agreed to it and I can't honor it. I'm sorry." Yui nodded. "Okay, it's your decision. You have to tell her yourself and deal with the consequences. That's what a man has to do." "I understand." Ritsuko looked at everyone assembled. "So, is it agreed?" Shinji nodded. Rei nodded enthusiastically. Gendou wouldn't dare disagree. All eyes turned towards Yui. "Please, Mom?" "I'll try and make sure you son is always happy, Mrs. Ikari." "Honey?" "Come on, come on... I don't have all day." Yui looked at her son. "Shinji, I have been amazed at the maturity you have... sometimes exhibited during these events." Shinji seemed to take exception to the 'sometimes', but didn't dare comment on it under the circumstances. "So... I will give my permission..." Shinji jumped over to Rei and gave her a long kiss. Or started to. "Wait... I have some conditions of my own." Shinji reluctantly broke the kiss and looked at his mother. "What?" "One, you'll clear up your relationship with Asuka once and for all." "Deal. There really isn't any relationship anyway." "That's not what Asuka thinks. Until she accepts it and nullifies the engagement herself, I will not give my blessing." "Okay... she's a bit headstrong, but I'll get her to give up her fantasy." Yui nodded. "Second, You two live together here with your father and me at least until you're eighteen." Ritsuko stood up. "No, they'll live with my mother and me!!" Yui stood up and returned the other mother's glare. "You had your conditions, I have mine." The two mothers faced off until one blinked. "Fine, but they don't get married until her third trimester. I don't want him married to her if she miscarries." Rei frowned. "Thanks for the positive outlook, Mom." "I just don't want to see you stuck in a loveless marriage." "It won't be loveless!!" Rei and Shinji chorused at the same time. They smiled at each other and stole a quick kiss. "Break it up!" Ritsuko snapped. Rei and Shinji's lips parted, but they continued to hold hands and stayed close together. "And my third and last condition..." Everyone leaned forward to hear Yui's last condition. "That you both live happily ever after." Rei had been expecting something different, so just started blankly at her future mother-in-law. Shinji smiled. He stood up and gave his mother a kiss on her cheek. "We will." He turned to Rei's side and looked into her eyes. "I will make you happy." Rei smiled. "You already have." She leaned over and gave him long kiss that was uninterrupted, despite Ritsuko's grinding teeth. Shinji dug into his pocket and pulled out a small box. "Will you marry me, Rei?" He opened the box to reveal the ring inside. Rei gasped and looked at the ring. The diamond was very, very small, but to her, it was huge. The magnifying glass Shinji was holding in front of it might have helped too. "How... how could you have known?" Shinji smiled and lifted the ring out. "I didn't. I was going to give it to you when I visited you. It wouldn't have been a real engagement ring then, but it is now. Will you marry me, Rei?" Rei scrunched up her face, as if thinking about it. "Well, I don't know...." Shinji smiled slightly at what he assumed was Rei pulling his leg. He hoped. "Okay, I'll marry you." Rei smiled broadly as Shinji slipped the ring on her finger. -E- -V- -A- "This sucks," Asuka said as she dropped to the theater floor in front of Misato and sulked. Misato looked down at Asuka. "Well, you're the one who always said it wasn't real, so why are you upset?" "Because the little clone gets all the breaks." "That's my daughter you're talking about." "Oh yeah... Well, I meant the fake one. Ritsuko's daughter." Misato seemed to consider this for a few seconds before speaking. "Yeah, Ritsuko couldn't raise a daughter properly if her life depended on it." Asuka grinned when she successfully redirected Misato's anger. "Yeah, you're doing so much better in raising your Rei." "Thanks." -E- -V- -A- Hikari smiled as her lips parted from Kensuke's. "That was like... nothing I've ever felt before." "Yeah..." Kensuke glanced around the park to make sure no one they knew was around. Hikari sighed contently and put her head on Kensuke's shoulder. "So what are we going to tell Touji?" "What?!" Kensuke screamed and sat up straight, causing Hikari to slip from his shoulder. "We can't tell him anything! He'll kill me and then you!" Hikari pulled slightly away from Kensuke. "But we can't keep doing this. This is the third time we've been able to get together without being caught, but I know it can't last. I can't look him in the eye anymore when he..." "But... but... he'll kill us!" "Well, what else can we do? I can't just go on pretending with him forever. Every time he wants to have sex with me I either have to make up a story or let him have his way with me." Kensuke looked over at Hikari, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "Hikari... I want to keep seeing you, but I can't see any way to let Touji know and still remain breathing." Hikari sighed and put her head back on Kensuke's shoulder. "I know, but we have to do it. And Touji isn't a killer, so don't worry about that." -E- -V- -A- "I'll kill you!!" Touji's fist impacted against the soft stomach and made a sizable indention. He used his other hand to wipe away the blood that had splashed across his head. "That'll teach you!!" He twisted his arm and extracted it, pulling an assortment of intestines and other assorted organs out of the bloody cavity. He smiled and did a little happy dance until his head was sliced off. "Damn!!" Touji shouted as his controls went dead. Hikari glanced at the display as Touji's Eva was destroyed. She glanced around and noticed that Asuka had a pair of Angels cornered and was slowly dissecting them. Hikari smiled and then took a running jump and landed by Kensuke's side. "Need some help?" "No, I'm fine." Kensuke slashed the Unit Seven in half and then turned to face a little blob that was rolling towards him. Hikari keyed her private channel. "Are you sure?" She keyed her armor release. "Hikari!!" Kensuke screamed when he saw the naked female body under her armor. He found himself unable to resist checking out the sensuous curves. Had it been the featureless female bodies that the Evas normally had without their armor he could have resisted, but since Hikari had enabled the full sex cheat, the body was accurate down to the last pubic hair. His mighty maple responded to the sight. He reached over and keyed his armor release, the sex cheat, and full privacy mode cheat. The later cheat caused the black blob to suddenly roll off in another direction in search of a visible target. Asuka ended up being crushed to death by it. Hikari smiled as Kensuke's armor fell away and revealed the twenty-foot long penis. Elsewhere, Rei's grandmother sneezed. -E- -V- -A- Touji watched Asuka come out of the launch bay. "How'd you do?" Asuka shrugged. "Not bad, but we really have to get Shinji to practice with us." "We're lucky that the organizers are going to let him play again. I just wish we didn't have to use Misato and her boy-toy to play in the final match. They are so bad." Asuka pounded the wall, causing her breasts to bounce. "Don't remind me. If it wasn't for the fact that we'd have to forfeit without them, I'd never play with that asswipe." "Why don't you like him?" Asuka's blushed and started to turn away, but then stopped. "None of your damn business!!" She shouted at Touji and backed him into a corner. "He's a jerk, that's all!" She shook her fist in his face, causing her breasts to bounce repeatedly. He titled his head. "Too bad Rei is still in jail or we'd be a shoe in." "We can win without the little tramp!!" Asuka harrumphed and crossed her arms over her breasts, causing her cleavage to become more pronounced. "I'm not so sure..." Asuka took a step towards Touji and punched his chest. "Dummkopf! There is no way I'd ever play with Rei again! The two old fogies are where I draw the line!" She repeated her punch to punctuate her point. Right on cue, Touji slid down to the floor as if the punch really hurt him and was greeted with a spectacular view of Asuka's panties under her short skirt. He looked around. -E- -V- -A- Hikari moaned as Kensuke's Eva made sweet passionate love to her. Every few seconds she would subconsciously glance at the privacy indicators to make sure that they couldn't be seen by anyone else. "Damn... how can you be this good, Ken-chan!" "You're the one who's good." Hikari blushed a deep shade of red as she followed the movements of their naked Evas on the displays. She tilted her head. "Oh my, Touji never managed that." -E- -V- -A- "Are you in here, Shinji?" Asuka said as she poked her head into his room. Shinji quickly pulled the blanket over his body. "Asuka!! Um... what are you doing here?" "I came to try and convince you to start training for the finals with your friends and fiancee!!" Asuka struck a sexy pose for him, which didn't exactly do anything to convince Shinji to concede to her wishes. Shinji flinched. "I told you, I'm busy right now and can't do it!" The corner of his mouth twitched. "What's more important than winning the championships?" Shinji scrunched his face up. "Um... lots of stuff." "Like what?" Shinji gasped. "Ah... well... oh... I'm not feeling well. Ya, that's it." Asuka frowned. "You do look a little flushed." She sat down on the bed and heard a soft 'ouch'. "Where does it hurt?" "Err... just a stomach ache." Asuka rubbed his stomach. "My poor baby. Let me make you feel better." She leaned down to kiss Shinji, but he turned his head away. "Now what's the matter?" "I've told you many times; I don't love you, I'm not going to marry you, and I love Rei!!" Shinji rolled his eyes and his eyelashes fluttered. "Well, the tramp is not here!!" The blanket covering Shinji suddenly rose up and knocked Asuka off the bed. Asuka rubbed her sore butt and glared at Shinji. "What did you do that for?" Shinji smoothed out the blanket. "Err... charlie horse. Sorry." "Awww... my poor baby." Asuka sat down on the bed again and whipped back the blanket to reveal his leg. "Let me rub that for you." She started to rub the slender leg. "Ummmm... you don't have to do that!" Shinji's eyes crossed. Asuka smiled and continued rubbing. "I can see you like it." "No..." Shinji's voice rose a few octaves. Asuka smirked as she continued rubbing and massaging the leg. "Wow, your leg is so smooth and slender. You don't shave your legs, do you?" "No!! What kind of question is that?! I... I... just don't have hairy legs, okay?" Asuka shrugged. "Why don't you want to practice with us?!" Asuka ran her hand up Shinji's leg. "I've got a lot on my mind right now." Asuka could have sworn that smoke started pouring out of Shinji's ears. "Well, tell me." "Can't this wait?" "No!! Tell me!" Shinji stiffened. "Um... fine. Asuka, I can't marry you!! I'm going to marry Rei!!" "Yeah... yeah... tell me that in three years after she gets out of the slammer!" "I'm telling you now!! I will marry Rei because I love her and she's carrying my child!!" Shinji shuddered. Asuka's face went blank and she stopped rubbing. "What?" "You heard me, she's pregnant with my child and our parents have blessed our marriage!!" Asuka's face scrunched up. "You're lying!!" Shinji sat up on his elbows and looked Asuka straight in her eyes. "No, I'm not. I'm sorry, Asuka, but no matter what you say or do, I'm not going to marry you. Ask my mom if you want to, she'll confirm it." He waited for the outburst he expected to follow. Asuka suddenly burst into tears. "You bastard!! Why can't you love me?" Shinji was momentarily surprised at Asuka's reaction. He saw a different part of her at that moment. A part that was hurt deeply by his actions. He felt his heart go out to the redhead, but knew that there was no turning back now. "I'm sorry." "Sorry doesn't help me!" Asuka wiped her eyes. "I gave you my love and you spat it back in my face!" "I'm sorry." Asuka spun around and took a step towards the door. She paused and turned back around and pounded Shinji hard in his stomach. "You bastard!!" Satisfied, she stormed out of the room. he cringed when he heard the sounds of something breaking as Asuka stormed down the hall. "I'm sorry, Asuka." More crashing sounds followed. "I'm sorry." He paused to make sure she wasn't coming back and then flipped down his blanket. "Are y..." He paused as something very large was heard crashing to the floor. "Are you okay?" Rei rubbed her stomach. "Yeah... it was a small price to pay." She slid up Shinji's body and gave him a long kiss. Shinji brushed Rei's hair out of her eyes. "You could have stopped when she came in." Rei smiled. "It was like being a baby in a candy store, I couldn't resist your sweet taste." She winked and started to rub the part of Shinji she had just been attending to. Shinji blushed. "Thanks..." "I've got to admit though, Asuka does have a sensual touch." She wiggled her leg that Asuka had massaged. "Really? Maybe I should marry her then?" Shinji smiled devilishly. Rei rolled on top of Shinji and pressed her naked body against his. "Oh no, you're all mine." Shinji smiled and wrapped his arms around his fiancee. "I love you." -E- -V- -A- "Why?!" Asuka bellowed. Yui lowered her head, unable to look the young girl in the eye. "I'm sorry, Asuka. I can't force my son to marry you when he's so against it. And I would prefer it if my grandchild wasn't born out of wedlock." "But the agreement between..." Yui interrupted. "I already talked to your parents, Asuka. They didn't like it, but they understood. Shinji is free to marry whoever he chooses." Asuka grinned and opened her mouth to speak. Yui shook her head. "And if I know my son, that means Rei. I'm sorry." "She's his sister!! If I can't have him I'll make sure that the government finds out they are related and that'll end their marriage plans faster than a monkey can get a flea out of his ass!" Yui sighed. "Asuka, why are you so determined to marry my son?" "Cause I love the jackass!!" "Why?" "Well, because... because... I'm not letting that bitch take him from me!" "Asuka..." "He's mine and always has been! The agreement..." Yui took Asuka's trembling hands in her hands. "Asuka, you never knew about the agreement until a week ago. You're only using it now because you're trying desperately to hang onto something that you know you've lost." Tears streamed down Asuka's face. "No.. no... Shinji loves me and not that tramp!" Yui sighed and pulled Asuka into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, Asuka, that's just not true and you know it. It took me a while to see it and accept it. Maybe it's time you do too." Asuka clenched her eyes shut tightly and felt her tears drip onto Yui's back. "Yes..." she whispered softly. "Let it out, Asuka dear. Let it out." Yui clenched her eyes tightly. -E- -V- -A- Excerpt from 'The American Century Dictionary' - 1999 edition: fatherhood n. Act of being a child's male parent. Excerpt from 'Shinji's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 2nd edition: fatherhood n. No matter what girl he's gotten pregnant, that Shinji will do a better job than my father did. Probably. I hope. Excerpt from 'Asuka's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - 1st edition: fatherhood n. Act of Shinji's life getting screwed up since he couldn't keep his dick out of all the wrong pussies (i.e. not mine). Excerpt from 'Rei's Guide to the Post-Third Impact World' - written by her kind and caring (if a little overprotective) mother: fatherhood n. Well, Rei, your father was very tall. And he glowed. And he incinerated Antarctica and caused worldwide global devastation. Well, some of the blame goes to Mr. Ikari and Seele for that. So I guess your father wasn't all that bad after all. Could be worse, at least I didn't have to sleep with him. I can only imagine how painful that would be. I mean, I saw pictures of IT and it was huge! -E- -V- -A- "So, we'll be getting married in a few months and Rei *WILL* be playing in the championships with us," Shinji informed Hikari, Kensuke, and Touji in the school yard a couple days later. He looked between Hikari, Kensuke, and Touji to see how they were taking the news. He squeezed Rei's hand to reassure her and received a contented smile from her in return. Kensuke was impassive at hearing the news, since he had his own relationship problems to deal with. Touji smirked. "Whatever. You are such a stud, Shinji. Having Big-Red and Rei here drooling all over you." He glanced at a female student who walked by just then. Shinji blushed. "Err.. yeah." "And knocking your own sister up... damn, what a mess. You have to use condoms, man!" Touji reached into a pocket and tossed a large super-economy package of condoms at Shinji. Shinji looked at the package and frowned. "Err... well, she's already pregnant." A light bulb lit up in Touji's head. It flickered a bit before settling into its normal forty-watt capacity. "Oh... right. Well give them back then, I'll be needing them later." When he leaned forward to retrieve the box, he didn't notice the arrow that whizzed through the air where his head had just been. Kensuke noticed Hikari shudder at the mention of Touji needing the condoms. He shuddered like that every time he thought about what Touji and Hikari did whenever they snuck off together. So preoccupied with his thoughts, he missed seeing the arrow strike between his legs and bury itself in the ground. Hikari was gnashing her teeth together trying not to kill Shinji for ditching her best friend. Only a short time previously, she might have condemned Shinji for jilting Asuka, but she found herself in a similar situation. "Shinji... how is Asuka taking this? I haven't talked to her for several days and she won't take my calls or come to the door." Shinji sighed. "I really don't know for sure, but I know she's not happy about it. I haven't seen her since I told her." "How did you tell her?" Kensuke asked, trying not to sound like he was doing research. Hikari glanced at Kensuke, knowing exactly why he had asked that question. Shinji glanced at Rei and blushed. "Err... well, I just told her directly and honestly. I think she talked to my mother about it too." The arrow shot over Hikari's head when she looked down at her hands and whispered to herself. "Tell him directly and honestly, huh?" Shinji looked at Hikari oddly. "Did you say something?" Hikari blushed and waved her hands in front of her. "No... no, just mumbling." Shinji suddenly got a bad feeling in his stomach as he looked between Hikari and Kensuke, who both looked very nervous, and Touji, who was happily counting his condoms. When the gang stood up and walked away, they failed to notice all the arrows that were embedded in the trees and ground all around the spot where they had been sitting. Across the schoolyard a tall boy smacked another boy holding an empty bow. "Where the hell did you learn to shoot, you idiot?" The boy threw the bow down in disgust. "Hey! It's my first time, okay? Hasamoto said to make it look like an accident and the archery club is practicing right now... hence a stray arrow hitting one of them wouldn't look suspicious." The tall boy looked at the dozens of arrows embedded into the ground where the gang had been sitting and started laughing. "You'd better go take lessons then." He stopped laughing when the other boy shoved the last arrow up his ass. Oh, that's gotta hurt! -E- -V- -A- A confession. "Before we do this... I have to tell you something." "What?" "Misato is pregnant and..." "And?" "There's a chance I could be the father." The sudden silence chilled him to the bones. He waited nervously until she finally found her voice. "How... when... why..." "She was drunk and..." She stopped him. "No need to go on. It doesn't matter, but what will you do if it's yours?" "Well, Misato and her boyfriend already have said they will raise the child no matter what, but if it's mine I... want to be there for it as it grows up." "That doesn't mean some twisted three way marriage, does it?" "No!!" He frowned. "At least I don't think it will. I don't love Misato... I love you." She blushed. "Call me crazy, but I feel the same way." More silence. "We have to tell Touji soon." Even more silence. -E- -V- -A- Same confession, different players. "I have to tell you something." "What?" "Misato is pregnant and..." "And?" "There's a chance I could be the father." The sudden silence chilled him to the bones. He waited nervously until she finally found her voice. "How... when... why..." "She was drunk and I..." She stopped him. "No need to go on, I get the picture. What are you going to do if it's yours?" "Well, Mr. Kaji and Misato are going to get married and raise the child. Since he withdrew from the mayoral race, he doesn't have to worry about his public image anymore." "What is he going to do now?" "Misato got him a job as a janitor at school." Rei gasped. "I thought that guy cleaning the toilet this morning looked familiar. So what about us? You don't want to have some sort of four-way marriage with them, do you." Shinji studied the look on Rei's face for a few moments, unsure if she was repulsed by the idea or intrigued by it. "No... but I want to be around for it. My father took off on you and your mother... I won't do the same." Rei nodded. "I understand." She cocked her head to the side. "That's one of the reasons I love you." She took a deep breath. "Shinji, I have to tell you something." "What?" Rei looked down at her stomach and put a hand over it. "It's about my pregnancy." Shinji's face went pale and his stomach started to sink into his gut as his worse fears seemed to be coming true. They'd been doing that a lot lately. "No... You don't mean that it's not mine? But... but..." Rei shook her head. "That's not it. Shinji, I was upset when you never came to visit me and..." "I'm sorry. First I had to get the money for the train and then... some things delayed me." Rei shook her head again. "That's okay, I understand now. What I need to tell you is that..." Shinji leaned forward. "I'm not really pregnant." Shinji eyes went wide. His face showed a mixture of relief, annoyance, and sadness. "I'm sorry. I was hoping to tell you as soon as I got out of jail, but it never seemed the right time." She paused and scolded herself internally. "No... that's not entirely true. I was afraid of how you'd react." Shinji opened his mouth, but nothing came out. -E- -V- -A- "What a little liar!" Asuka snapped, looking at Rei. Rei shrugged. "She was desperate and in love." "You're just saying that because her lie screwed me out of getting Shinji!!" Rei nodded. "Mostly." Asuka pulled back her fist and swung at Rei. She stopped herself before striking Rei, who didn't even flinch. "Why aren't you scared?" "I know you won't hurt me." Asuka was tempted to hit her again. "How can you be so sure?" Rei tilted her head. "I think a part of you has felt the same feelings that led that Rei to lie." Asuka ground her teeth. "No... she's just lying to get what she wants." "As you were when you said you loved him." "Well, that Asuka does love him!" "Maybe, maybe not. But I was referring to you lying about that here in the theater." Asuka started and looked at Rei. "I wasn't... err... I mean..." "So you do love him?" Asuka crossed her arms over her breasts. "Maybe. But he seems to be so hung up on his perfect world, that he's ignoring what's here for him." "I didn't feel ignored when we went out on our date." Asuka looked at Rei. "Huh?" "We went out on a date to the other side of the theater." Rei pointed at the far end of the theater that had the freshly painted ceiling. "We painted the ceiling and then made out. It was a most... stimulating evening." Asuka's mouth twitched. The twitch flowed down her arm and into her fist. Shinji rubbed his head after Asuka punched him. "What'cha do that for?!" "You took Rei on a date and yet you won't even have sex with me!!" Shinji blinked a few times, trying to find the logic in Asuka's statement. "Huh?" "Err... I mean... why won't you date me?!" "You never asked." "Huh?" "Rei asked me to take her out, Rei asked me if I could love her, Rei asked me..." "Shut up!!" "Asuka, I like you, but you never showed any interest in me that way." "I don't!" "See? You always deny it and always hit me or twist my penis for no reason. I'm sorry, but I'm going to see where my relationship with Rei leads me." Asuka fumed. "Jerk." She spun around and stormed off to the corner of the theater. She took one look at the colorful ceiling and then spun around and stormed off to a different corner. "Jerk!!" she repeated as she passed Shinji and Rei. Shinji sighed and shook his head sadly. "Hey, Rei?" "Yes?" "Do you want to go make out?" Rei smiled. "Yes, Shinji." -E- -V- -A- "You're not pregnant?" Rei shook her head. "No. It was the only way I could think of to convince my mom to get me out of jail. After I found out about your engagement to Asuka, I needed to get out and find out what was going on." "And then you used the baby to get her to agree to our marriage?" "Actually... that was her idea. I never expected her to be as supportive as she has been." "I'm surprised she took your word about being pregnant." Rei scowled. "She didn't. I had to bribe the prison nurse to fake some positive test results before my mom would believe me." She looked sadly at Shinji. "Please don't hate me for not telling you sooner." Shinji shook his head and wrapped his arms around Rei. "That's okay. I'm sorry my parents' lame engagement plan caused you such pain." Tears dripped from Rei's eyes. "You're just too good. I don't deserve you." "No, I don't deserve you." Shinji pulled Rei into a tight embrace and gave her a long kiss. Rei was smiling when the kiss ended. "Now what do we do?" Shinji smiled and took Rei's hand. "Now we get to work." "Huh?" "The only way our parents will let us get married is if you're pregnant, right?" Rei nodded. "So the sooner we get you pregnant the better, right?" Rei smiled broadly and took his hand. The couple ran out of the park they had been talking in, not hearing the tree that fell and crushed the bench they had just been sitting on. Of course, if a tree falls in the park and no one is there to be flattened by it, did it really fall? Of course it did, stupid! "Shit!! We almost got them!!" The tall boy shook his head sadly. "Let's go find one of the other ones and see if you can actually hit something." "Yeah, okay. We'll use a whole building this time... I can't miss with that." The tall boy looked back at the tree and then down at the axe in the other boy's hand. "I'm not so sure." "Shut up!" He shoved the handle up the tall boy's ass. Well, that must hurt too, but not as much as if he had used the sharpened edge. -E- -V- -A- A few days later, Rei hobbled into the Eva center with Shinji. They spotted Kensuke, Touji, and Hikari over in the Central Dogma staging area. "Are you okay, Rei?" Kensuke asked when he noticed her hobble. "Yeah, just a little tired." Rei glanced at Shinji briefly, causing him to blush. "Damn, Shinji, you have to give her a break from sex every now and then!" Touji shouted, ignoring the crowd around them. Hikari snapped. "You're one to talk! You get horny at the drop of an eyelash!!" "Well, you're just so sexy." Hikari ground her teeth. "Will you kids shut up!!" The five teenagers looked over to see Misato and Kaji walk up to them. Misato glared at them all, giving Shinji and Kensuke an extra powerful glare. "I don't know why I came to help you little brats out." Kaji squeezed her shoulder and then whispered to her. "Yes you do. Asuka threatened to report you and since Shinji or Kensuke could be the father of your baby, we can't afford any attention from the authorities right now." Misato glared at Kaji. "I know that, you jerk!!" Kaji looked suitably confused. "Then why did you... urk!" Misato twisted her heel on top of Kaji's foot a few times to shut him up. Touji looked around. "Where's Asuka? It's almost check-in time..." Hikari glanced at Shinji and Rei. "Um... I'm not sure she's coming." "I hope she wasn't hurt when that hotel collapsed near her place. Hikari and me almost checked into it, but... ouch!!" Touji shut up when Hikari bashed his head. Hikari looked at Rei. "I'm sure she's fine, it's just that she said that she'd never play with..." Rei looked sadly at the ground and completed the statement. "With me. I'm sorry, guys, I never meant for my problems to become yours." Shinji squeezed her shoulder to reassure her. Touji laughed. "Rei, don't sweat it. You're a better player than Asuka anyway." "Arschloch!! Asuka yelled as she rushed over and kicked Touji in the groin. "Asuka!!" everyone chorused as they recognized the redhead. Well, Touji just groaned. "Asuka, I'm glad you came," Shinji said. "Save it. I'm here for my friends." Asuka looked at Hikari, Kensuke, and Touji. Then she glared at Kaji and Misato. She completely avoided looking at Rei. Hikari hugged Asuka and then looked at her team. "I was worried about you, girlfriend." "I wasn't going to let the asshole's bitch keep me out of the championships that *I* deserve to be in." Hikari nodded. "Well, that makes a full team of eight then." "Seven." Hikari frowned and looked at Asuka. "Huh? Didn't you come to play with us?" Asuka nodded. "Yes, with my friends, the two old fogies, and the asshole there." Hikari sighed. Kensuke slapped his hands together. "All right, Dark Eva Knights are go!!" "Okay, what's the strategy?" Touji asked, looking at his teammates. Everyone looked at someone else for guidance and then finally at Hikari, who always had a solution at times like this. "Don't look at me," Hikari said, blushing. "I haven't had time to do any planning." Everyone looked at Kensuke. Kensuke cowered under the attention. "Um... I've had something on my mind. Sorry." "Oh, this is fucking great!! We're screwed!" Touji yelled. "No, we're not. We split into two teams and deal with them in groups of two or three. No one goes it alone in there." Everyone except Asuka looked at Rei as she started to describe the battle plan. "Before I detail the plan, there's something I have for you all..." -E- -V- -A- "You idiots!!" Hasamoto kicked the tall boy. "You morons!" He kicked the other boy. "You didn't even get one of them out of the game!!" The tall boy cowered back from Hasamoto. "We're sorry! They kept avoiding our traps somehow. If we didn't have to make it look like an accident, we could have taken them all out!!" Hasamoto spat on both of the boys. "Idiots! We can't bask in the glory of the win if it's a simple forfeit!!" He kicked the boys again and then looked at the small boy wearing glasses by his side. "Makie, it's up to you to figure out some way to defeat them." Sweat dripped of Makie's forehead as he opened his binder and started to examine the stats he had researched on the Dark Eva Knights. "I'll see what I can do..." Hasamoto kicked Makie hard. "No! Do or do not. There is no try!!" "Okay..." Makie replied, trying to remember where he had heard that threat before. "Keep in mind if you DO NOT find a way for us to win, your sister will get a visit from me. Shame for her to lose her virginity when she's barely got hair on her pussy, but then that's what happens to people who disappoint me." He glared at the two boys he had been kicking earlier. "They or their sisters get screwed. Personally, I'd enjoy tasting that sweet little sister of yours, so don't let me down." -E- -V- -A- "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the finals for the Neon Genesis Evangelion Championships!!" a young girl dressed in a lab coat announced from the raised pillar that towered above the Central Dogma staging area. The crowd applauded and cheered. The young announcer waved her hands to quiet the crowd. "And now, may I present to you, Commander Akagi, the creator of Neon Genesis Evangelion!" She stepped aside to reveal an older woman sitting behind a large desk. The audience applauded. The woman's hands supported her chin and were positioned in a triangle, the tips of her fingers touching the tip of her nose. A pair of dark rectangular glasses helped her serious look appear very sinister. "Thank you." 'Commander' Akagi rose from the desk and looked down at the crowd. "It is my pleasure to present this year's finalists who will compete to save us from the Angels and prevent Third Impact!" In the shadows, Shinji leaned over and spoke to Rei. "Rei, isn't that your grandmother?" Rei nodded. "Yeah... Sorry I never mentioned it, but when I boasted about it down in Osaka-2 I got into a bad situation." Shinji nodded his understanding and squeezed her shoulder. "And on top of that, she's so embarrassing when she talks about Eva. As you can see-" She gestured to her grandmother, who was going on and on about how the Angels will destroy the world if left unchecked. "-she takes the game and especially the championships very seriously." "Your grandma created Eva? That is so cool!!" Kensuke gushed. "How did she come up with the idea of using..." Kensuke's question and the unasked questions of the others went unanswered after they were bathed in a bright light. "I present to you the Dark Eva Knights!!" Commander Akagi announced. The crowd applauded and then went wild when they got a good look at the gang. Jaws dropped, drool dripped from lips, trees rose to the occasion, and bushes overflowed with the nectar of the gods. The sight that inspired these reactions from the crowd was Rei and the others all dressed in perfect replicas of the plug suits used in the advertising for the Eva centers. Truth be told, the skintight outfits worn by the models did not look anywhere as good as they did on the four female members of the Dark Eva Knights. Marriage proposals, catcalls, and shouts of appreciation were directed at the female pilots from the boys and at least one girl in the assembled crowd. Most of the girls were admiring the forms of the guys in their form fitting plug suits. Touji loved the attention that the plug suit directed to his bulge. Shinji and Kensuke were indifferent to their own suits, but recognized how good Rei and Hikari looked in their suits, which had the side effect of making their bulges more prominent. Kaji's bulge was barely noticeable. The gang all waved their hands at the crowd and smiled as they had been instructed to before the night's events began. Touji leaned over and whispered to Asuka. "They seem to like the outfits." Asuka grinned and struck another in a series of sexy poses. "Of course they do! Who couldn't resist this body of mine in a skin tight outfit like this?" "Shinji?" Touji regretted his answer the instant Asuka's fist impacted his face. Shinji smiled and looked at Rei. "They really love the outfits the promoters gave us." Rei chuckled and whispered back to him. "Actually, I arranged for them myself. I figured that Asuka wouldn't wear hers if she thought it was from me." Shinji laughed and nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right." "And now-" Commander Akagi announced. "The reigning champions, the Rampaging Evas." She gestured to her other side and a spotlight illuminated the gang's competition. The seven boys and one girl were all dressed in black uniforms, making them look very sinister. "No..." Rei shuddered and backed away. "No... that wasn't his team's name." Shinji looked worriedly at Rei. "What's wrong, Rei?" "The guy in front... that's Hasamoto." Shinji trembled involuntarily at hearing the name. He looked back and met Hasamoto's cold stare. Shinji found himself surprised by Hasamoto's appearance. To hear Rei talk about him, he should have been a huge guy with pointy horns and fangs. Instead, he was of average height, average build, and sported a short mop of hair. Only the stern look on his face made him appear anything like Rei had described him. Hasamoto grinned. "Is your team ready to lose, Rei?" Rei cringed and stepped further back. "Leave her alone, Kaworu!" Even as Shinji said the name, he had no idea why it seemed to fit Hasamoto. -E- -V- -A- The Shinji in the theater did though. "Kaworu," he gasped and collapsed to the floor. "No... no... he can't be there. He's dead. He can't be there." Rei dropped to Shinji's side and placed a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. "It's okay, Shinji..." "No it's not!!" Shinji snapped, standing upright. "I never wanted to see him again! I want to forget the kind expression on his face when I crushed his body! I want to forget the sound of his head splashing into the water. I don't want him there or here to remind me!!" "Who's Kaworu?" Asuka asked. Misato took Asuka's hand and pulled her away. "He was the Fifth Child." Asuka frowned and whispered to Misato. "And Shinji killed him?" "It's complic..." Misato was interrupted by Shinji's shout. "Yes, I killed him! He was an Angel and I killed him! It was him or me. Eva One or Eva Two. He made a choice to die and I made my choice to live!" "Too bad you couldn't have made a better choice for the rest of the world." Asuka looked around the theater. "I guess your own life is more important than everyone else. This Kaworu must not have meant much to you if you killed him so callously." In one quick movement, Shinji jumped over and grabbed Asuka by her throat. "Don't you dare talk about him like that..." When he realized what he was doing, he gasped and released her neck. "I'm sorry..." Asuka stared at Shinji for several heartbeats, unsure how to react to his attack. A part of her wanted to beat the crap out of him and a part of her wanted to run off and cry. The former won. "What the hell do you think you were doing?!" "Asuka..." Shinji's apology was cut off when Asuka slapped him hard across his face. He dropped to his knees when she kicked him in his groin. "Gah..." Shinji bent over and supported his weight on his hands. "What have I become?" He looked at his hands, as if he couldn't believe they were his. "I'm a murderer." "Not if he was an Angel, you idiot!" Asuka wanted to kick him again, but Misato had rushed up behind her and pulled her back out of range. "Angels are bad, so we had to kill them!" Asuka insisted, trying to get out of Misato's grip. "He wasn't! I mean... he was an Angel, but he was still good." Shinji started clenching and unclenching his fists. "I know my father and everyone said that the Angels were bad, but Kaworu was kind and said he loved me." Asuka opened her mouth to say something, but Misato clamped her hands over the girl's mouth before Asuka could make matters worse. "Maybe that's why he's in your world," Misato suggested. "Huh?" "Hasamoto is a bad person, right?" "Right." "But you don't and have never thought of Kaworu as a bad person, right?" Shinji nodded. "So your guilt over killing a 'good person' manifested itself in your perfect world as Hasamoto. He looks like Kaworu and is clearly a bad person, so you can justify killing him." "I don't want to kill anyone!" Asuka broke free of Misato's restraining arms. "Then why didn't you stop Third Impact, dummkopf?!" Shinji looked at his hands, which were tightly balled into fists. The veins on his arms and neck could be seen throbbing. "I... tried. I failed." "Yes, you failed and destroyed our world," Asuka said, glaring at Shinji. "YOU burned it all up." "No..." Shinji shook his head. "No..." Shinji clenched his fists. "No..." Shinji slammed the floor hard. "No!!!!" Shinji pounded the floor again and again until the floor shattered, along with the theater around him. -E- -V- -A- "Leave her alone, Kaworu!" Shinji shouted. Hasamoto looked over and glared at Shinji. "How did you know my real name, asshole?" Shinji looked around him in confusion. "Wha... where am I?" Rei stepped over and looked at Shinji, concern evident on her face. "Are you okay, Shinji?" Shinji looked at her. "Rei?" He then saw the others in their plug suits. "Huh? Where did you guys... oh no..." He dropped to his knees. He looked at his own body and saw he was wearing a plug suit. "Oh no..." Touji came up to Shinji. "You okay, man?" Shinji looked awkwardly at Touji, unconsciously looking at his friend's intact left arm and leg. "I don't think I'm in the theater any more, Touji." -E- -V- -A- Shinji shuddered and collapsed to the theater floor. He looked around and saw Rei, Asuka, and Misato standing over him looking very confused. They were also very naked. "Ack!!" Shinji backpedaled away. When he hit the wall, he stopped and breathed heavily. Rei took a few cautious steps towards him. "What's wrong, Shinji?" She leaned down over him, the nearness of her breasts causing him to breathe even heavier. "Why are you all naked?" Shinji looked down at his body. "Why am *I* naked." He looked around the theater. "Where are we?!" Asuka looked down at her naked body. "Yeah, why are we naked?" Misato shrugged her shoulders. "Beats me. But is that important right now?" Asuka smirked. "Only if we want to cover our butts." Misato ignored Asuka and looked back at Shinji. "Are you alright, Shinji?" "It's a dream... Hasamoto knocked me out and I'm dreaming. That's it." "Kaworu didn't knock you out, Shinji," Rei said. "He's dead, remember?" Shinji frowned at hearing the name. "I heard that name... no, I spoke that name before I appeared here." He looked around again. "Wherever here is." Rei knelt down next to Shinji and cradled his head in her bosom to comfort him. Shinji relished the feeling of her breasts before realizing what must have happened. "Ah, I know! Hasamoto killed me and this is heaven." He looked at the three naked girls. "And you three are Angels." He looked at Asuka. "Well, at least two of you." "What was that?" Asuka rolled up a pair of imaginary sleeves and took a step towards Shinji, but Misato restrained her. Rei looked at Shinji closely. "Who are you?" Shinji's face fell. "Huh? I'm Shinji. Your fiancee and father of your child?" He winked at the end. Rei gasped and looked over at the viewpoint, which normally would be frozen when Shinji was not in his trance. It wasn't. It showed the Eva center and Shinji was wrestling with Hasamoto. "Oh no... Shinji's crossed over to his perfect world." She looked down at the floor. Asuka and Misato followed her gaze and gasped when they saw the story boards that depicted Shinji's perfect world. Instead of their normal paper appearance, they were now made out of stone. Set in stone as it was. Misato looked between the stone storyboards and the viewpoint. "He's now a part of that world and can't come back to us." Rei jumped to her feet and ran into the viewpoint, hoping she could crossover. She just ran though it and appeared on the other side of it. "No!! He was supposed to take me with him!" She dropped to her knees and began to sob. Shinji looked sadly at Rei and started to walk over to her before Asuka grabbed him. "That means this is the other Shinji?" Asuka asked Misato. Misato nodded. "Wonderbar..." Asuka looked seductively at Shinji. "Hey Shinji, do you want to kiss me?" "No!!" Shinji pulled out of her grip and went over to Rei. Asuka pouted. "Great, we finally get a new Shinji in here and he's as hung up on the clone as the last one." -E- -V- -A- In the Eva center Hasamoto was punching the living daylights out of Shinji. "Don't say that name!!" "Kaworu, please..." Shinji head recoiled under the force of a punch. "I hate that stupid name!" Hasamoto said as he punched Shinji again. "I'm sorry I killed you." Bang. "Don't do this to me." Bang. "You don't belong here..." Bang. "Stop it, Hasamoto!! You're killing him!!" Rei pleaded and tried to stop his swing, but was savagely hit across her face and sent tumbling across the floor. "Shut up, Rei!!" Hasamoto spat and went back to beating up Shinji. The girl on Hasamoto's team flinched at hearing the name. She idly fingered a bruise on her arm. The rest of the two Eva teams were fighting as well. Touji had two boys already out of the fight and was pounding on a third, Kensuke wasn't having my luck with the boy he was fighting until Hikari bashed him over the head with a chair, and Kaji was pounding on a boy who had pinched Misato's ass during the confusion. Misato and Makie were the only two contestants not fighting and found themselves under a table to avoid the flying bodies. "I hate this game," Misato mumbled. "Tell me about it. I never wanted to be part of that creep's team," Makie said. "Why are you then?" "He said he'd do some bad things to my little sister." "What an asshole." "Yeah." "Don't worry, I'll make sure that brat gets what he deserves." "Thanks, for an old woman, you're not bad." Makie looked Misato over. "And stacked too." It shouldn't need to be mentioned, but Makie ended up talking as a soprano for the following week. Shinji was already bruised and battered when Hasamoto landed his latest punch. "Prick! You think you're a big man just because you're screwing the whore now?" He kicked Shinji in the stomach. "Rei is just a cheap plaything. Like any other plaything, you should use it and then discard it, asshole." He lifted his foot over Shinji's already bloodied face. "Or don't you think she can be replaced?" "She can't..." Shinji muttered. "I love her." "Love?" Hasamoto guffawed. "Love is for fools." His foot descended towards Shinji's face. It never reached it. Hasamoto was hit over the back with a chair and went crashing to the ground. The girl on Hasamoto's team dropped the legs of the broken chair and exhaled. "So I'm just a replacement Rei to you, am I?" She kicked him in his acorns and turned away. "People aren't playthings that you can discard and replace on a whim, you jerk!" After taking a couple of steps, she turned around to face him again. "And the name's Sawa, you bastard!!" Hasamoto reached out for her, but she was too far away. "Come back or I'll kill you!!" "Oh no you won't!" Shinji yelled before kicking Hasamoto savagely in his face. Hasamoto crashed to the ground with Shinji standing over him, a little unsteady on his feet. "Stop this at once!!" Mrs. Akagi shouted from her pedestal. "Take it out in the game!!" Shinji wiped the blood off his lip and glared at Hasamoto with hatred in his eyes. "This isn't a game. This is my life." Hasamoto started to rise, but Shinji kicked him in his kneecap and he crashed back to the floor. Shinji had a haunted and crazed look on his face when he bent down and wrapped his hands around Hasamoto's neck. "Die, Kaworu!!" He squeezed his hands. Various people cried out in shock and told him to stop, but Shinji was in a world of his own and blocked out the people in the world of his own making. Rei saw what was happening. "Shinji, don't!!" She ran over and grabbed Shinji's arm, trying to pull him off Hasamoto. "Shinji!! You're not a killer!!" Rei's voice managed to get through Shinji's crazed mind. "Huh?" He looked around and saw the concern on her face and then looked down at his hands that were still wrapped around Hasamoto's neck. "What?" He released his hold on Hasamoto and let the unconscious boy fall to the ground. Shinji was locked in his own inner turmoil and didn't even notice that Hasamoto had started to breathe again. "No..." Shinji shook his head. "No..." Shinji clenched his fists. "No..." Shinji slammed the floor hard. "No!!!!" Shinji pounded the floor again and again until the floor shattered, along with the Eva center around him. -E- -V- -A- Shinji was huddled in a corner of NERV headquarters with his hands pressed against his ears, trying to block out the noise of the alarms, the gunshots, and the explosions. The alarms had been going off since the invasion of NERV had begun, the gunshots and explosions had started shortly after. Shinji kept muttering "No... no... no..." over and over again. Unseen by the huddled Shinji, a ghostly Shinji stood nearby and looked down at himself. "What? Where am I now?" He looked around the corridor and flinched backwards when several men stormed in and surrounded the huddled Shinji. "Third Child confirmed. Eliminating," one of men reported to his superior over his headset. Then the man held a gun to Shinji's head. "No!!" The ghostly Shinji cried out, but was unheard over the gunshots that rang out. Not that anyone could hear him anyway. [End - Garden of EVA 1:8 - Fatherhood Sucks!] [End - Book 1 - Sucks] [Coming soon: Book 2 - Blows] ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: Arschloch is German for asshole, bastard. Yeah, I know it's a nasty place to end the book on, but there is a very good reason for it. You'll have to wait for "Garden of Eva 2:1 - Third Impact Blows!" to find out what happens. Incidentally, this ending (Shinji breaking out of the theater/his perfect world and going back to Third Impact) was first going to be used back in Book 0, but I realized I still had to get Shinji and Rei closer and make Shinji's life really suck for the events that follow to work. Everything blows in the next book. Unfortunately, there will be a slight delay in the start of the next book to give me time to finish the last chapters of Childhood of a Modern Dynasty. By that I mean written out in draft form not actually released as a final version. Once I have that much then I can start on the drafts of 2:1 (although about a third of it's written already). For those of you who might not have seen End of Evangelion, some of the events in the next book might contain spoilers. Unfortunately, I am forced to use several events from Third Impact as shown in the movie to explain Garden of EVA's Third Impact (they are not exactly the same). I will endeavor to keep the spoilers to a minimum. I'd like to thank my pre-readers Thomas Kinnen, Michael A. Chase, Axel Terizaki, EBJ, and David Johnston for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML members Toh Ee Loong, Ukyosama, and Mark Ferrer were also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft began (November 4, 1999) Revision 0.1 - Initial draft finished (November 22, 1999) Revision 0.2 - Pre-reader draft (December 5, 1999) Revision 0.3 - FFML draft (December 15, 1999) Revision 1.0 - Final version (January 1, 2000) Revision 1.1 - First RAAC posting (January 8, 1999)