From: Jim Lazar Subject: [Eva][FanFic][Lime] Garden of EVA 2:5 - The Girls All Blow! X-Moderation-Queue-Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2000 20:22:59 -0700 ======================================================================= Garden of EVA 2:5 - The Girls All Blow! Book 2: Blows Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-2000 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that will blow your mind. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@animeprime.com Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://www.animeprime.com/ff/geva ======================================================================= Oh... heck. If you've read Garden of EVA up to here you know what to expect: Sex, drugs, and rock n' blood. ======================================================================= The girls according to Shinji: Annoying, naked, and I wish they'd stop fooling around with my penis. -E- -V- -A- "Asuka, I'm home!" Shinji called out as he came in his front door. He had just taken off his shoes when a red blur tackled him and started to lick his face. "Missed me, huh?" Asuka barked once in agreement. Yes, she barked. Shinji reached up and ruffled the large dog's thick red hair. "That's my girl." Asuka barked again and then licked Shinji's face. Needless to say, this was going to hurt the Shinji in the theater. A lot. -E- -V- -A- The axe crashed into the theater floor right between Shinji's legs, missing his mighty oak by a leaf. The oak tree made a hasty retreat towards Shinji's body. "How could you make me a dog!!" Asuka shouted and pulled up the axe for another swing. "I'm sorry... but things weren't working out any other way!" Shinji screamed as he backpedaled away from the naked redhead. "And you call that-" Asuka pointed at the viewpoint, which was frozen on an image of Misato paging through a magazine titled '1001 Big Dicks to Lick Your Lips On - Now Cherry Flavored!'. "-working out?" "How the hell could I have known Misato would start craving big penises!!" Shinji cringed as the axe came down and missed his oak tree by a leaf stem. His penis disappeared further into his groin. "Where did you get that axe, anyway?!" Asuka frowned and looked at the axe head embedded between Shinji's legs. "I don't know." She shrugged. "Oh well..." She lifted the axe up and made another attempt on Shinji's manhood. Shinji rolled to the side and sprung to his feet. He set off running with the redhead in hot pursuit. "I'm sorry, dammit!! I wanted to see if things would be better without you!" Asuka stopped in her tracks and she lowered the axe's head. "Huh?" She trembled slightly. "You... wanted a world without me?" Shinji was a little surprised that Asuka was taking that so calmly, so he stopped running and looked back. "Well.. no... but those worlds kept falling apart and having problems, so I... well I just wanted to experiment." "And making me a dog is just an experiment to you?" A single tear dripped down Asuka's cheek. Shinji eyes widened and followed the tear down her cheek. "Um... well... I'll try again." Asuka smiled slightly. "Thank you." Shinji turned around and walked towards the storyboards, not noticing the broad smile that appeared on Asuka's face. Asuka thought as she drove the axe into the floor. She walked towards Shinji in order to make sure Shinji did the storyboards right this time, not noticing the axe slowly fade away. -E- -V- -A- "No!! Make me bustier!!" Asuka insisted, pointing at the storyboard version of herself. Shinji frowned and looked closely at the breasts. "Um... they're the same size as yours are." He looked up from the storyboards and examined her real breasts. "So?" Asuka retorted. "Make them bigger, you jerk!" "Yes, Asuka." Shinji sighed as he rubbed out Asuka's boobs--the ones drawn on the storyboards, not her real ones of course--and drew a larger circle. "Bigger!!" Shinji sighed. "I'll have to make the panel bigger then." "Whatever it takes." Asuka smiled. "After that, I have some other suggestions." "I'm supposed to be making this world, not you, Asuka!!" Asuka reached for the axe, which had suddenly appeared behind her again. "What was that?" Shinji gulped. After endless back and forth arguments on one thing or another, Asuka grabbed the marker. "You're so dense. Here, let me do the rest." Shinji opened his mouth to argue, but shut it when he saw the axe. -E- -V- -A- Asuka walked towards school. Or to be more exact, her breasts bounced towards school and dragged the rest of her body with her. Just how big were they? Well, even Michael Jordan would have a hard time dribbling them if they were basketballs. Of course, he probably wouldn't bother dribbling these huge puppies if he got his hands on them. He would be more likely to stroke, squeeze, and pinch them. "Helllloooooooo, Asuka!" a row of boys chorused as her breasts approached. Asuka giggled and waved to the long line of boys waiting for her to show up. Or to be more exact, her boobs to arrive. "Hi, guys!" She strolled past the line of boys, all of who were at attention. Well, their dicks were at attention, while the rest of their bodies were trying their best to look macho and attractive. She strolled down the row and stopped in front of a small geeky boy, who was picking his nose. "You're up today." The boy stopped digging for his booger and looked at Asuka's boobs. "Huh?" Asuka knelt down to draw his attention to her face. His eyes moved downwards, locked on her pert nipples that were clearly visible through her uniform's blouse. "I'm picking you to be my boyfriend today, didn't you read the school rules?" The boy frowned. "I thought that was a joke someone was playing on me." Asuka smirked. "Nope." "So you really are the queen bitch around here?" Asuka frowned. "Who said that?" The geeky boy pointed down at a tall, dark haired boy standing at the front of the line. Asuka scowled at the boy. "Touji, you're off the waiting list for a month!!" "No, way!!" "Yes, way!!" "Bitch." "Make that two months." Touji opened his mouth to speak, but Kensuke--who was standing at attention by his side--slapped his hand over his friend's mouth before Touji dug himself a deeper grave. The other boys would beat Kensuke up later for his attempts to keep Touji in the running. The frequent fights over Asuka's breasts--better known as the Boob Wars--frequently cut down Asuka's choices for young, healthy, and well hung males. But she didn't mind since that just made the winners stronger. Natural selection at its kinkiest. Asuka looked back at the geeky boy and held out her school bag. "Come on." "Um... why me?" Asuka pondered that question for a few seconds before answering. "Well, sometimes tall, good-looking boys with huge penises get boring, so I figure I should try some of the geeks now and then." "Oh... then that's a problem." "Why?" The geeky boy leaned over and whispered into Asuka's huge breasts. Asuka's eyes went wide. "Really?" The boy nodded. "Wow...." Asuka looked at the boy's groin. "Who'd have thunk that." She grabbed the boy's arm and pulled him out of the line. "Let's go... um... what was your name?" The geeky boy smiled nervously. "Shinji, Shinji Ikari." -E- -V- -A- Shinji shook himself out of his trace and staggered backwards. "What the... you... you... YOU MADE ME A GEEK?!" Asuka casually shrugged her shoulders, causing her normal sized--well normal for her--breasts to bounce. "Well, I think your parents had more to do with it." Shinji's eyes went wide. "Are you calling me a geek!!" "Yeah. Take away your Eva and the fact that you've got the power to make a new world for Humanity and what do you have?" "You... you..." Shinji turned around and walked away. "Dammit." Asuka smirked. "Watch your mouth... the ink's still wet." She looked at the storyboards and laughed maniacally. "You should have heard what I wanted to say," Shinji muttered as he returned to his trance. "What was that?!" Asuka bellowed. But Shinji was already in his trance and couldn't respond. At least that's what he let Asuka think. -E- -V- -A- "Shinji, jump that horse for me," Asuka commanded during gym class. Shinji looked at the gymnastics horse for a couple seconds before nodding. He took a running start and leapt gracefully into the air. The graceful part ended when he slammed into the end of the horse, crotch first. He fell to the floor and groaned. "Asuka Langley Sohryu... failed the horse," the teacher remarked, not even caring that it wasn't Asuka who had attempted the jump. Her scorecard said it was Asuka's turn, so that's who she graded. "You jerk! I told you to jump the horse, not hump it!" Asuka bellowed, causing the other students around her to laugh. Shinji just continued moaning and rolling around on the floor, holding his crotch. "If you've hurt my toy, you're in deep shit, Shinji." -E- -V- -A- Asuka frowned as she looked at the plate Shinji had given her during lunch. "This isn't the cutlet sandwich I asked for." She tilted the foam plate and tried to figure out what the green substance on it was. "But all the big guys always go for those," Shinji remarked timidly. "So?" "They'll beat me up." "So?" "I could die." "So?" "Then my dick would die." Asuka frowned. "Good point." She looked at Shinji's groin. "It's so lively too." She winked and then looked around. "Come on." She stood up and pulled Shinji towards the back of the schoolyard. "Where are we going?!" Shinji asked, looking around. "Never mind that, just come on!" "Yes, ma'am." -E- -V- -A- In a dark, secluded spot known as 'Asuka's Playpen', Shinji lay on the ground and stared wide-eyed at Asuka as she unzipped his pants. "Ack!" "Quiet or someone will find us." "But... but... but... ahhhhh." Shinji's eyes rolled upwards as Asuka lived up to this part's title. And then some. Shinji spasmed. "Don't you dare come yet!!" Asuka ordered. Shinji tried his best, but--as the white fluid that rolled down Asuka's cheek will attest to--he failed. "Now then... get me a cutlet sandwich, okay?" Asuka asked while wiping her face off. Shinji lay on the ground, a crooked smile on his face. "O....kay." He hurried off towards the lunch counter. Asuka smiled and licked her lips. "Now if he dies, at least I've had a taste." Screams were heard from the direction of the lunch counter. Asuka smiled. "He should have zipped up first." -E- -V- -A- Asuka bit into the meat and savored the taste as it flowed down to her stomach. "Hmmmm..." "Where'd you get that from?" Asuka looked up from the half eaten cutlet sandwich and smiled when she saw Rei. "Hey, girlfriend." She glanced at the sandwich. "Shinji got it for me." "I hope he didn't get beat up too hard." "He'll live." Asuka laughed. "You know, Rei, you're just too kind for your own good." Rei shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but I'd never use a man like you do." Asuka smirked, knowingly. "No, you wouldn't. How are you and Hikari doing?" "Great... her parents are remarkably happy that she's a lesbian." Asuka cheerfully slapped Rei on the back. "Well, when the alternative is Touji anything is better in comparison." Rei nodded. "Yeah, thanks for lending him to us so we could freak out Hikari's parents and get them to accept that I'm Hikari's lover." "How does that work anyway?" Rei winked. "Lots of toys and lots of positions." "That must be a sight." "Want to join us sometime?" Rei asked seductively. Asuka chuckled. "Not on your life. Give me a boy with a huge dick any day." "Oh, we've got plenty of those." Rei winked. Asuka frowned. "Huh?" Rei smiled. "They're made out of rubber and don't talk back." "Ah..." Asuka nodded her head. Rei remembered something. "Actually we have one that talks." "What's it say?" "It's an assortment of Mel Gibson clips from all those classic movies of his." Asuka gasped and a trickle of wetness flowed down her inner thigh. "Can I borrow it sometime?" Rei nodded. "You can keep it, we don't really have much use for a talking dick." "Well, Touji did help you out with your parents." Rei almost choked on her tongue as the laugh erupted from her mouth. -E- -V- -A- "You made Rei and Hikari lesbians?!" Misato shouted, looking between Rei--who was calmly watching the viewpoint--and Asuka. "So? I wasn't going to let Hikari's life be ruined by pairing her up with that bastard Touji." "But why Hikari and Rei?" "Why not?" Misato rolled her eyes and came to an internal conclusion. "Shinji might have made mistakes, but at least he cared about the problems he was causing." "What possible problems could making Rei and Hikari lesbian's cause?" -E- -V- -A- There should be a scene here with Rei and Hikari having hot lesbian sex, but that would belong under the 'sucks' book and not the 'blows' book. So, unfortunately, we present to you twelve minutes of Pikachu and Jigglypuff doing the nasty. Yellow and pink flesh undulated everywhere as the rat shagged the... the... whatever the hell Jigglypuff is. -E- -V- -A- After having hot, lesbian sex in the gym's store room, Rei and Hikari walked together into their next class, home economics. "Okay, class, today we are going to-" the teacher read from her class planner. "-learn how to satisfy your man with the proper blow job technique." Without realizing what she had just said, the teacher turned towards the blackboard and jerked in surprise when she saw the detailed diagram of a man's erect penis was drawn on the board. Not by coincidence, the penis lined up perfectly with her mouth, which was wide open in surprise. A girl in the back clicked a quick picture that would be distributed around the school for years to come. "What the..." The teacher looked back at her class planner. "Who changed my planner?!" The girls just giggled and talked about the diagram. Except Rei and Hikari, who remained impassive and just looked on uninterested. "Ayanami and Horaki, you look very guilty," the teacher remarked. "Huh?" Hikari said. "You're all flushed and not giggling like the other girls." Rei smiled. "That's because we just had s... hmmmmpppffff." Hikari slapped her hand over Rei's mouth and smiled at the teacher. "Um... sorry, teacher, we had to run across the school yard to get here in time after lunch." The teacher's eye's narrowed as she looked at the two girls. "Why don't I believe you?" "Because you're a... hmmmmmmpppff." Hikari glared at Rei. "Are you trying to get us in trouble?" she hissed. Rei smiled devilishly. "What could they do?" -E- -V- -A- "Expelled?!" Asuka shouted after school let out. Rei and Hikari nodded. Asuka looked around. "I'll find out who played that joke and teach them to screw with my best friends." "If she's cute, we'll be glad to screw her," Rei remarked. Hikari gasped. "Rei! That's the kind of joking that always gets us in trouble." Rei smirked and shrugged her shoulders. "So what?" Hikari slapped her own head. "Geeezzz..." Asuka chuckled. "Now don't have a lover's spat here... wait till you get home and suck all your troubles away." "Asuka!!" Hikari snapped. Asuka chuckled. "Don't worry, Principal Katsuragi doesn't stand a chance against me. I'll get you reinstated within a day or two. That old hag won't know what hit here after I'm done with her." "Thank you." Hikari smiled and hugged Asuka. "Get your hand off my butt, Hikari." "Sorry, I couldn't resist." -E- -V- -A- "Are you sure about this?" Shinji asked as he stood in the entry to Asuka's apartment. Asuka grinned. "Yeah, my mom and dad are in Hawaii for their anniversary." "Well... I don't think I should." "GET IN HERE!!" Asuka bellowed. A gust of wind flashed past Asuka and down the hall towards the living room. Asuka walked down to the living room and gasped when she saw Shinji standing in the middle of the room, naked as the Shinji in the theater. "Eager, aren't you?" "Not really... but I figured it'd be better to get this over with." Asuka chuckled and checked him out. "Boy, it looks even bigger now!" Shinji blushed and covered himself. "But I wasn't planning on having sex with you." Shinji's jaw dropped, among other things. "Huh?" "What, you think I'm some kind of slut?" "Yeah..." "What did you say?!" Shinji cowered back. "No... no, of course you're not!" Asuka chuckled. "Relax, Shinji. I'm a virgin." Shinji's mouth twitched. "I just love to play around with guys. A little taste here and there, but the closest I've been to having sex is letting Touji lick me all over when we were having that water shortage and I couldn't take a proper shower or bath." Shinji's mouth dropped open. "Wow..." "Now then... I need you to do something for me." Shinji gulped and reached for his pants. "No, don't bother. It'll be better that you're naked for this..." Shinji tried to think of what she could need him to do that didn't involve sex, but still needed him naked. He was wrong. -E- -V- -A- "It's a... it's a p... p... p..." Asuka smiled. "It's a penguin, stupid." "I thought they were extinct?" Shinji remarked as he watched the penguin waddle across the room. "He's a genetically created warm water penguin." Asuka patted the penguin on the head. "His name is Pen-pen." Shinji knelt down in front of the penguin and looked at it. "Hi ya, Pen-pen." He titled his head and laughed when Pen-pen mimicked the gesture. Shinji looked at Asuka. "So what did you want me to do?" "What do you think?" "Give him a bath?" "No." "Feed him?" "No." "Hold him down while you give him a blow job?" Asuka 'acked' and fell over to the side. "I guess that's a no." Asuka chuckled as she got back to her feet. "Some imagination you have there, Shinji." "So what do you want me to do?" "Catch him, skin him, and cook him up for dinner, of course." Shinji fainted. -E- -V- -A- "WHAT?!" Misato screamed and glared at Asuka. "You want to eat my Pen-pen?!" She hefted the axe up into her arms and brandished it menacingly. "Not really." Asuka looked at the storyboards. "I did put Pen-pen in there, but not as dinner." "Then why..." Misato whispered to herself. "Beat's me. I don't recall really detailing anything about what Pen-pen was around for, I just threw him in for kicks." Misato sighed. "You're like a TV producer I used to date, he'd throw in cute and cuddly characters into a show just so he could sell toys." "Surely he had better reasons than that." "You remember that drama last year about the Pacific War?" Asuka nodded. "The one that explored the Japanese Navy's efforts to liberate that island with all the yellow rats?" Misato nodded. "Those rats were a recycled video game character from just before Second Impact." "Really? Wow... it seemed so realistic." -E- -V- -A- "I'm not going to cook a penguin!!" Shinji shouted, cowering in the corner. Asuka laughed. "I was just kidding. I just need you to give him a bath. He got into some oil yesterday and I'm not going to ruin my perfect skin for a stupid flightless bird." "If he could fly, would you wash him then?" Asuka glared at Shinji. "Careful, or I'll have you give him a enema." Pen-pen squawked and ran from the room. Asuka smiled. "Better go catch him." "Yes, Asuka." -E- -V- -A- While Shinji made a mess in the bathroom trying to get any part of Pen-pen in the tub, someone started pounding on the door. Asuka scowled as she put down the latest issue of 'The Modern Woman's Guide to Making Men Do Whatever You Say' and stomped towards the front door. "What is it?" she snapped as she opened the door a foot or so to see who was there. Two men in black and white suits pushed the door open and rushed in. "We're here for the penguin!" the taller of the two exclaimed and adjusted the eyepiece with a red laser he was wearing on his left eye. Asuka's eyes went wide. "What?" The short man flashed a badge. "We're with the Penguin International Salvation Service." "Oh, piss off!!" Asuka spat and tried to close the door. "You've heard of P.I.S.S. then?" The tall man looked down at his partner. His partner nodded his confirmation. "We'll have to change the acronym for our top secret organization again." "How about Association for the Salvation of Salt Water Inbred Penguins Everywhere?" The short man nodded, causing his laser to draw a picture of a penis on his partner's groin. Yes, he was that short. The size difference came in handy on those long patrols when they couldn't sit or lay down. "I like that one." He looked at Asuka. "Okay, where is the penguin, ma'am?" Asuka ducked the laser as it swept near her own groin. "Penguin? What's that?" she replied with an expression that wouldn't fool anyone except the two bozos in front of her. "It's a small flightless waterfowl that looks like this," the tall man said, pointing at his black and white suit. "And has a beak like this." He pointed to the yellow beak on the top of his penguin suit. Asuka tried not to laugh. "Nope, no penguins here." "Damn... we were so sure this time." The tall man turned around and started to leave, but froze in his place when he heard the unmistakable crying of a penguin being leaned on by a fourteen year old boy. "What was that?" "I didn't hear a fourteen year old boy leaning on a penguin," Asuka replied straight-faced. The tall man shook his head. "Damn." The two men turned to leave, but stopped when the sound was repeated. They looked at each other--one up and one down--and silently decided on a course of action while their lasers burned a ragged scar across each other's faces. "I'll go check it out," the short man said and raced past Asuka. "Hey!!" Asuka made to follow, but the tall man grabbed her by her huge breasts and restrained her. For some reason, that 'restraining' involved his moving his hands in circular motions. A minute or so later the short man returned to find his partner lying in the entryway, writhing in pain from the opposite of this part's title. "What happened?" "Nothing!" the tall man said in a high squeaky voice. The short man's eyes went wide. "She kneed you in my plaything, didn't she?" The tall man nodded. "What did you find?" "Oh, there's a kid back there choking his bird." The tall man jumped to his feet. "What?! We have to save that poor bird!" The short man rolled his eyes. "No... no... I mean he's spanking his monkey." "Well... it's not really our job, but Monkey United Front For Defending Inbred Vertebrates Everywhere Required has helped us out before." "No, he's playing with his one armed bandit." The tall man showed no hint of comprehension. "He's jerking off!!" The tall man scratched his head in bewilderment. The short man sighed. "He's masturbating, you idiot!!" Still nothing. The short man shook his head. "He's shellacking his bark!!" The tall man gasped. "Oh!! Why didn't say so in the first place." He stared off into the distance as if remembering a fond memory. "Ah... I haven't had to shellac my own bark since we became partners." "Let's go..." the short man pulled his partner out by his pussy willow. Asuka stared at the door as it slowly closed. "What the fuck was that?" She turned around and hurried down the hallway to find Shinji and Pen-pen. After finding the bathroom empty, she burst into her room and found Shinji masturbating on her bed. "Ack..." "No... huh... penguins... huh.... here... ahhhhhhh." Asuka followed the glob as it arced through the air and nailed her pussy. "Wow... nice range." Shinji seemed to notice Asuka for the first time. "Asuka! Are they..." "They're gone." Asuka started to rub the white cum off her pussy. Shinji sighed. "Thank goodness. Um... sorry about your pussy." "You should be!" She put down the stuffed cat and eyed Shinji's naked body. "Why are you jerking off, anyway?" Shinji blushed and covered his fallen tree. "Um... it was the first thing I thought of." Asuka raised an eyebrow. "You're a sick little boy, you know that?" "Yes, Asuka." Asuka looked around. "Where'd you hide Pen-pen?" Shinji slid over and pulled the sheet off the pillow he was leaning on, which turned out to be Pen-pen. Asuka gasped. "You... you were bedding Pen-pen while you choked your chicken?" -E- -V- -A- Shinji sighed and dropped to the floor of the theater. "This blows!!" Asuka nodded. "Yeah, you'd never have the guts to really masturbate." Shinji flinched remembering the time he had done just that over Asuka's unconscious form. Then he remembered when he used to do her laundry. And when she fell asleep and I cut her bra and panties off her body. And when... His long list of pathetic masturbation remembrances was cut short when Asuka spoke again. "You're just so pathetic. Even the Shinji in these worlds has bigger balls than you do." Shinji clenched his eyes shut. "Shut up..." he muttered. Asuka didn't seem to hear him. "You're making these other Shinji's with more spine than you'll ever have," she taunted, ignoring the fact that she had made the last Shinji. "Shut up..." Shinji clenched his fists. Asuka's eyebrow raised. "What are you going to do if I don't?" Shinji's eyes snapped open and locked on Asuka, causing her to flinch and take a step backwards. Shinji jumped forward and grabbed her hand. In a quick movement that would make Rhet Butler proud, he swept her into his arms and... Asuka's heart throbbed in anticipation. A part of her brain told her arm and hand to slug Shinji, but her arm and hand decided it would rather wait and see what happened next. The readers seconded that vote. Sex always wins out over logic. Shinji leaned down, his eyes locked with Asuka's. A fierce fire of determination burned within those eyes as his lips neared hers and... Asuka sneezed. The mood shattered, Shinji dropped Asuka on her butt. "Um... I wasn't going to do anything... honest!!" he said, while slowly backing up. Asuka wiped her mouth and then rubbed her fanny. A part of her was very mad as being dropped while another was disappointed at the missed opportunity. Then she remembered what had started this sequence of events. "You spineless wimp!!" She jumped to her feet and ran towards Shinji, her hands raised to the beat the living daylights out of him. "I'm sorry!!" Shinji blurted as he ran away from the angry redhead. "You will be. As of right now, I'm licensed to kill anyone who plays with my heart!!" "I wasn't playing!!" Asuka's anger faltered. "Then what were you doing?!" "I was... I was..." Shinji's spine vanished. "I was just angry and trying to get back at you." Asuka's heart shriveled up inside her chest. The force of Asuka's punch sent Shinji sailing across the theater. He crashed into one of the thirteen corners and slid to the floor, dazed. -E- -V- -A- Later after he regained consciousness, Shinji grabbed the storyboards and began to tear, only to be stopped by an urgent shout. "Don't, Shinji!" Misato yelled running up to him. Shinji looked confused. "Why? Asuka's world is so stupid and childish." "And the world where you were surrounded by thousands of naked, impossibly well-built, teenage girls wasn't childish?" Shinji blushed. "I was just curious what that would be like." Misato smirked. "Don't worry, Shinji, those feelings are normal in a teenage boy." "Normal?" Shinji asked, as if shocked by the idea that anything about him or his life was normal. "Yes. Of course, most boys don't have the power to actually make it come true." Shinji dropped to the ground. "Maybe I'm the wrong person for this job." "Maybe, but you're stuck with it." Misato knelt down in front of Shinji and took his hand. "You just have to dig down deep inside your heart and find that perfect world." Shinji looked up and met Misato's gaze. "You want to try?" Misato's jaw dropped on top of her breasts. "What? Didn't you just hear what I said?!" "Yeah, but my heart isn't in it. You stopped me from tearing up Asuka's world, so why don't you see if you can make it better from where her storyboards left off." He pointed at the pile of storyboards. "Shinji... I..." "Give it a try, you couldn't make it any worse." Misato sighed. "That world wasn't that bad." "She made you the pointy-nosed principal with horn-rimmed glasses." Misato jumped to her feet. "What?!" "Yeah, you must not have been watching when you expelled Rei and Hikari." Misato clenched her fists. "That little, redheaded..." "The blank storyboards are over there." Shinji pointed at a pile of blanks. "She's going to curse the day that she made me her principal." Misato stomped over to the storyboards. Shinji frowned. -E- -V- -A- "Asuka Langley Sohryu, please report to the principal's office. Asuka Langley Sohryu, please report to the principal's office." Asuka looked up from her desk at hearing the intercom. "Yeah... yeah... when I feel like it." "Immediately." Asuka frowned. She stood up and walked to the door, accompanied by wolf whistles and catcalls. Shinji leaned over to the boy next to him. "Shouldn't we tell her that her skirt is tucked into her panties?" "Are you crazy? She's got the second best ass in the school." Shinji scratched his head. "Who's got the best then?" "Principal Katsuragi, of course." -E- -V- -A- Principal Katsuragi, sneezed and scratched her butt. She sighed and lay back on the tanning bed, the light playing over her perfect body. The sweat dripped down her firm breasts. Her flat stomach glistened in the light. Her pubic hair framed her... awww... you get the idea. "Principal Katsuragi, Asuka Langley Sohryu is here to see you," Misato's secretary's voice called out over the office intercom. Misato frowned. She slipped off the tanning bed and checked her perfect body in the nearby full-length mirror. "Perfect as always." She grabbed a long frumpy dress and started to get dressed. After zipping the dress up, she grabbed her horn-rimmed glasses--which had a fake pointy nose attached--and slipped them on. She spun around in front of the mirror and nodded. "Have to keep up appearances for the students." She admired her form in the mirror. "Hmmmm... I bet the kids still have wet dreams about me. There's only so much of this fantastic body I can hide." The intercom buzzer shook Misato out of her vanity trance. "Principal?" Misato shook her head. "Ah... yes, send her in." She stepped through to her main office and locked the door behind her. It wouldn't do for anyone to find out that she had a tanning bed, jacuzzi, sauna, and Hans back there. Hans being her masseuse, of course. She had just sat down behind her old desk when Asuka came in. "You wanted to see me, Principal Kantscratchherownbutt?" Misato decided to let the brat get away with that one. "Yes, I understand you've been forcing the male students to wait on you hand and foot." "I wouldn't call it forcing." "You've also been giving them blow jobs behind the school." Misato grabbed a remote and pressed a button. A wall panel slide aside showing an array of twenty televisions, each showing Asuka's lips wrapped around a different penis. "Err... well... they enjoyed it." "Yes, so they said when I examined the evidence." "Evidence?" Misato nodded and had a flashback to the interrogations where her lips were the ones wrapped around the penises. -E- -V- -A- Shinji snapped out of his trance and looked behind him. "Misato!!" Misato looked innocently back at him. "What?" "You set it up so you could give everyone bl... bl..." Shinji stammered, unable to say this books title followed by 'job'. Misato shrugged her shoulders, causing her breasts to bounce. "Yeah, so what?" "Why?" "If you ever have one, you'll understand." Shinji decided to go back into his trance before Misato offered to give him one. "Want me to blow you now?" Too late. "No!!" Shinji shouted and then returned to his trance, his tree rising proudly into the air. Misato smirked. "I knew that'd get a rise out of him." -E- -V- -A- After school, Asuka was fuming. "How dare that witch suspend me! All I did was use the entire male student body as my personal plaything!!" Hikari smiled. "Well, at least she reversed our expulsions." She looked at Rei. "I'll have to thank her sometime." Rei licked her lips. "Rei!" Asuka wasn't listening to the lovers quarrel. Instead, her eyes were locked on the Principal, who was walking across the schoolyard towards the main gate. "That bitch." Misato walked through the gate and just as she reached the curb, a very expensive sports car screeched to a halt in front of her. "Kaji!" Kaji smiled dashingly as he poked his head out the window. "Need a ride, beautiful?" Misato smiled and leaned down to kiss her man, not caring who saw her. "What a hunk." Asuka looked back at Hikari. "What kind of lesbian are you?" Hikari giggled. "Hey, I know a good looking man when I see one." Asuka's eyes narrowed. "You're not bi, are you?" Hikari shook her head. "I don't think so." Rei smiled. "I am. Why limit the playing field?" Hikari gasped. "You're not playing that field anymore, are you?" Rei shook her head and leaned in to kiss Hikari. Asuka turned away, only to see Misato and Kaji still going at it. She looked around for the nearest guy. "Kensuke, get over here!" Kensuke rushed over from where he was studying the new class schedules. "Yes, ma'am." He snapped to attention. "I order you..." Misato cut her command off from where she stood next to Kaji's car. "Asuka, what did we talk about?" Asuka mumbled something very unflattering to her principal and then turned towards Kensuke. "Kensuke, would you like to go out with me tonight?" Kensuke stared at Asuka with a blank look on his face. Seeing that he needed a little sample, Asuka licked his tonsils for several seconds. "Well?" Kensuke started to jump around like a giggly, little schoolgirl. "Would I? Oh yeah!!" Asuka looked around. -E- -V- -A- "What the hell did you do to my perfect world?!" Asuka screamed as she tried her best to pull Misato's penis, only to find out she didn't have one. "Why are you grabbing at me?" Misato asked as Asuka repeatedly grabbed her crotch. Asuka stopped groping the older woman and smiled apologetically. "Sorry. I guess it's just a habit I've picked up whenever Shinji messes my alternate self's life up." "Don't be so rash, having guys wait on you hand and foot may seem like heaven, but it will only lead to heartache." "Yeah, right. How the hell would you know?" Misato dropped to the ground and sat cross-legged. "Remember when I said I was a bit wild in college?" "Well, you made it seem like you were more of a slut than just wild." Misato looked at her storyboards. "The ink's still wet." Asuka gulped and sat down in front of Misato. "So, what's your point?" "Well, the guys would try to get close to me by buying me stuff and treating me like a princess." Asuka smirked. "What did you have on them?" "Nothing. I was smart enough not to let a guy get me drunk, but when it was my own hand I never seemed to know when to stop. So they were always trying to stick close in case I had one of my 'episodes'." "What a bunch of jerks!!" Misato smiled. "Maybe, but jerks come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. One of the guys got impatient and tried to... force himself on me." Asuka gasped and looked away awkwardly. "Maybe you should tell this to someone else?" "Who?" Misato looked at Shinji--who was in his trance--and then she looked at Rei. "What the fuck is Rei doing?" Asuka chuckled and looked at Rei, who was moving back and forth along the theater walls and rubbing her breasts against the wooden surface. "I told her one of the walls was fake and she had to rub them with her breasts to find out which one it was." Misato stared incredulously at the redhead in front of her. "Asuka!!" "Don't worry... I gave her some K-Y Jelly so she won't get friction burns." "Well, that's very consid... err... It's still not a nice thing to do!! What about splinters!!" Misato turned towards Rei, who had just moved onto another wall. "Rei, you don't..." The wall Rei was rubbing suddenly bulged at her touch. She backed up and allowed the oak-paneled wall to turn into a large oak tree. "Found it." Asuka keeled over backwards and gasped for air. Misato couldn't believe her eyes. "Damn, that's a pretty impressive oak tree." Rei looked away from the oak tree and at Asuka. "Now what?" Asuka and Misato exchanged a glance and then ran towards the walls. Shinji emerged from his trance he was greeted by the sight of all three girls rubbing their breasts against the theater walls. "Do I even want to know why you are all doing that?" "Rei made one of the walls turn into an oak tree by doing this and we're trying to find out if any of the others will transform too," Asuka explained as she rubbed her breasts across a mahogany wall. Shinji turned completely around and frowned. "What oak tree?" The three girls stopped rubbing up against the walls and looked around. "Where the fuck did it go?!" "It was here, I swear!!" "That is very interesting, it was there." Shinji sighed. "I think you're all losing it." Asuka harrumphed and stormed over to Shinji. "This theater is strange." Misato walked over. "You're just now realizing this?" "Maybe it's because I let you two draw the world this time." "Nawww... nothing wrong with my world," Asuka insisted. "Except for the parts I fixed, of course," Misato replied, smugly. "I doubt it's any better." Asuka glanced at the viewpoint. "Wowsa..." She tilted her head. "Kaji and you are really going at it." Shinji sighed. "Yeah... that's why I came out of my trance, I just couldn't take much more of the endless sex and all the different positions. " He looked at Misato. "You made his sex drive limitless, didn't you?" "Who me?" Misato's denial was ruined when Rei picked up Misato's storyboards. "Mr. Kaji is hard and naked in every panel he appears in," Rei remarked, flipping through the storyboards. "That explains the dark tinted windows in his car." "Well... so... um..." Misato thought fast. "He forgot to wash his laundry, okay?!" -E- -V- -A- Misato spent that night on top of, under, beside, curled around, and otherwise entangled with Kaji. After their twister marathon, they had hot monkey sex. As the sweat dripped from their naked bodies, someone started pounding on the front door of their love nest. Kaji rolled over on top of Misato, causing her breasts to bulge out the side. "Ignore it, I'm ready again." Misato smiled. "My stallion..." She ran her hand though his hair and gave him a long kiss, ignoring the incessant banging from the front door. After another round of hot, sweat-splashing monkey sex, Misato rolled on top of Kaji's broad chest. Again, her large breasts bulged out the side. "Maybe we should get the door," she suggested, looking towards the front of their love nest where the knocking had continued. Kaji sighed. "No... I'm ready again." Misato smiled. A loud crash and a dozen people rushing into the bedroom wearing monkey suits interrupted her pleasure. "We're the Monkey United Front For Defending Inbred Vertebrates Everywhere Required!" the head monkey said, then his jaw dropped as he got a good look at Misato's bulging breasts and naked backside. The jaws of the other monkeys dropped and the groins of their monkey suits expanded as they got a good look at Misato as well. Well, one of those jaws belonged to a young teenage girl, so her groin didn't bulge, it just became very wet with excitement. "What are you doing here!!" Kaji screamed, trying to cover as much of Misato with his body as he could, which included hiding her vagina with the part of him that fit it perfectly. "Oh, god, look at that huge dick!!" The monkey next to the monkey that had just screamed that looked oddly at his male companion. "That's it, you have to stop watching me in the shower room at M.U.F.F.D.I.V.E.R. H.Q." "Awwwww, man," the gay monkey grumbled. Misato looked over Kaji's shoulder. "What... eepppp!! Are you... ahhhhhh.... Doing here!! Wooooo!!!" She was breathing heavily by the time her question was finished. So were the monkeys. "We're with the-" Deep breath. "-Monkey United Front For Defending Inbred Vertebrates Everywhere Required and we heard there were two monkeys being forced to have hot monkey sex in here!!" Kaji and Misato exchanged an annoyed--yet aroused--look before Kaji answered. "That was just us having hot monkey sex!!" The head monkey scratched his butt and flicked the flea away. "Damn, I could have sworn it was real monkeys this time." One of the other monkeys slapped the leader on his shoulder. "Sorry, dude." "It's not fair..." The leader raised his arms over his head. "Where are all the monkeys!!" He turned around. "Come on guys, we've got to continue our monkey patrol." There was some grumbling from the men and one girl, but they turned and followed their leader out of the room. They raced back into the room when they heard the unmistakable sounds of two monkeys having hot monkey sex. Misato and Kaji stopped having hot monkey sex and glared at the men and one girl in monkey suits. "It's just us fucking again, you idiots!!" "Oh, yeah..." The leader slapped his head. "Doh!!" "Come on, Homer, time to go." Homer sighed and let his monkeys lead him out. Kaji looked back at Misato and smiled. "I always thought we sounded like two rabbits when we made love." Misato smiled and shook her head. "No... we have sex like rabbits, but we do sound like monkeys." "Are you sure?" "Yeah... my family bred monkeys on our old farm. The sound is unmistakable." Kaji started to pump again. Misato suddenly sat bolt upright and started screeching like a monkey. -E- -V- -A- In the theater, Asuka looked at Misato. "You screech like a monkey when you cum?" "No!!" Misato snapped back, trying to hide her blush. Considering she was naked, she wasn't successful. Asuka chuckled. Misato was sitting cross-legged on the floor and mumbling. "An aardvark maybe, but not a monkey." -E- -V- -A- "Oh.... oh... oh..." Asuka panted as she bounced with each of Kensuke's thrusts. "This... this... this is great!!" Kensuke shouted. Asuka smirked. Her eyes went wide and she screamed. Kensuke cringed as Asuka's nails dug into his back. Asuka started making monkey noises, while Kensuke's grunts sounded like an aardvark in heat. Suddenly the door was smashed open and eleven guys and one girl rushed into the room. They were all dressed in aardvark suits. "A redhead!!" the lone girl remarked and wet her panties and the groin of her aardvark suit. "Stop fucking that aardvark and surrender him to the Aardvark National Appreciation League!!" Asuka's muscles tensed as she looked at the intruders. "He's a guy, not an animal!!" "Yeah, right..." Kensuke didn't seem to notice the commotion and continued thrusting until he filled Asuka up. "Hey, Homer, she's right. He doesn't look anything like an aardvark." Homer looked at his 'Pocket Guide to Extinct Animals That Have been Genetically Recreated and Are Now Endangered Due to Humans That Fuck Them' and slapped his head. "Doh!!" -E- -V- -A- Asuka's face was blue and she dropped to the floor of the theater. "Oh no... not me and Kensuke... anybody but him!" She slapped her hands over her mouth to keep from throwing up. "Would you rather be fucked like that by Touji?" Rei asked as she walked over. Asuka's eye twitched, causing her to lose concentration and send her last meal spewing out of her mouth. The vomit splashed across Shinji's legs, causing him to slip backwards. He snapped out of his trance and twisted in mid fall, ending up on the floor between Asuka and Rei, who he had pulled down with him. Shinji squeezed his hands and felt a familiar sensation. Well, the left hand was familiar; the right hand was squeezing something larger. He looked down to see his hands were squeezing Asuka's and Rei's breasts. "Ack!!" "Can you get off me?" "That feels very interesting, please continue." "I said get up!!" Asuka punctuated her request with a swift kick to Shinji's stomach, which separated his right hand from her breast. Rei frowned as Shinji's left hand separated from her breast. "It was an accident!!" Shinji muttered as he shyly retreated from the two girls he had just fondled. "Sorry," he muttered, trying to hide something that rose to the occasion. "Pervert!" "Actually, it was a most interesting experience." "Oh, shut up!" -E- -V- -A- "You did what?!" Asuka screamed. Shinji straightened the storyboards in his hands. "I let Rei do a set of storyboards to see if she could improve on the world you and Misato made." Asuka looked at Rei, who was examining the lint in her own navel. "Well, she couldn't mess it up more than Misato did." "What was that?" Misato snapped as she stormed over, her breasts bouncing up and down with each stomp. "Rei's going to fix all your mistakes," Asuka laid the seed of a big argument. "What mistakes?" Misato asked, glaring at Shinji. Shinji gulped. "That's not it! I... I... I just thought Rei deserved a chance to try." "Well, she better not have done anything weird to Kaji and me." Shinji looked at Rei and shook his head. "I'm sure it'll be fine." He turned and prepared to enter his trance. -E- -V- -A- "So what do you want to do this afternoon?" Shinji asked as he walked home after school with Rei, who was wrapped around his arm like a boa constrictor around the trunk of an oak tree. "What do you think?" Rei winked and slipped her hand into Shinji's pocket and wrapped it around his mighty oak. "Again?" Shinji rolled his eyes. Maybe in exasperation, but probably in appreciation of Rei's touch. "We go there almost every day." "But it's fun." Rei squeezed again. Shinji's voice rose several octaves. "Oooo..kay!" -E- -V- -A- Rei helped Shinji take off his shirt. Running her finger across his ribcage when his chest was revealed. Shinji reciprocated. Rei arched her back as Shinji ran his hand down her chest. She felt his hands around her waist as he started to remove her skirt. -E- -V- -A- Asuka's hand neared Rei's face, but the blue-haired girl ducked and slid sideways along the wooden floor of the theater. Asuka scowled and followed Rei's evasive maneuver. "I can't believe you of all people would set yourself up for a little action with Shinji!!" Rei ducked Asuka's next swing. "Actually, I'd be surprised if you wanted to do this with Shinji." Asuka flinched. "Well... well... of course I don't want to do that with Shinji, but I... um..." A blush formed on her face. "Don't try to change the subject!!" "What's the subject?" Rei asked as she did a graceful back flip to avoid Asuka's hand. Asuka pointed at the viewpoint. "Ditching Hikari and setting it up so you could screw Shinji." Rei frowned. "I was not aware that Shinji was a robot and a loose screw that needed tightening." Asuka rolled her eyes. "He has a screw loose, alright." She watched Rei walkover and start examining Shinji closely. She sighed. "He doesn't really have screws!! I meant you wanted to have sex with him!!" Rei looked up from the hole she was examining for a screw. "Oh, why would I want to do that?" She released Shinji's penis and stood up. "You tell me." Asuka pointed at the viewpoint, which now showed the naked Shinji and Rei walking towards a naked Hikari. "Wha... what is Hikari doing there?" "It's more pleasurable with more people." Asuka cringed back from Rei. "You... you... sicko!!" "Thank you." -E- -V- -A- Hikari crossed her arms over her naked bosom and smiled. "You know, Shinji, you could just come without Rei having to entice you." "This is weird, that's all." Shinji said, looking awkwardly around the vast room. Hikari grabbed Shinji's left hand and pulled. "Come on already." Rei grabbed his other hand and together the two naked, teenage girls pulled him towards a steel platform. Shinji gulped loudly as he was led up the steel stairs. "Why don't you like this, Shinji?" Rei asked as she tested the temperature of the pool in front of them with her toe. "I don't know... it's spooky." Hikari sighed and then pushed Shinji in. "Every time it's the same thing." Rei smiled. "Yeah, but the more the merrier." Hikari giggled and took Rei's hand and then jumped in with her lover. They quickly sank into the yellowish liquid until they found their natural buoyant point in the thick, gelatinous liquid. Shinji was holding his breath, but when the oxygen in his lungs ran out he gasped and breathed the liquid into his lungs. *Just relax and enjoy it, Shinji.* Shinji flinched as Rei's unspoken thoughts filled his mind. *It's just so weird.* *At first, yes, but if you relax and let your thoughts wander, we will become one.* *Yeah...yeah... but it's never worked for me before.* *There is a first time for everything.* *Mr. Spock! You're here today?* *Yes, over near the redhead.* *Asuka, huh? What is it with you and redheads?* *They are most stimulating.* *In your dreams, logic-boy.* Rei shifted slightly to face Shinji. *Just relax, Shinji. Don't think. Just relax. Empty your mind of everything.* *That'll be easy.* Hikari shook her head sadly. *Asuka, please. Let Rei try and calm Shinji's inner turmoil like she has yours.* *Asuka's calm?* *I heard that!* Hikari shrugged, causing ripples in the form of her breasts to spread through the liquid. *You should have seen her before this LCL center opened up. She was always irritable and nasty.* Shinji looked at Rei and didn't even have to think that Asuka was still irritable and nasty. They had become one. Nine months later, Rei gave birth to a real dorky baby. -E- -V- -A- Shinji came out of his trance and dropped to the floor. "Rei..." He looked at the naked girl. "Your perfect world would be inside your tank?" Rei nodded. "It is the most peaceful and relaxing environment I could imagine for us. To exchange information with my other selves was the highlight of my day." Asuka rolled her eyes. "Rei, you have to be the dullest person in the world." "Thank you." -E- -V- -A- Three years later T.S.T., Shinji tore up his most recent set of storyboards. T.S.T. being Theater Standard Time, which Shinji and the girls thought up to keep track of time in the theater. Basically it's a complex measurement of the intervals between Shinji's erections, Asuka's bowel movements, Misato's butt scratches, and Rei's blinks. After they got sick of keeping track of all that, they just started guessing what time it was in T.S.T. Asuka walked up to Shinji with a scrap of storyboard stuck to her butt. "So, that's what... six hundred and fifty fucked up worlds you've made?" Shinji sighed. "Six hundred and sixty five." "Well, at least you were close on that one." "Close!!" Shinji snapped. "You turned out to be a mass murderer!!" Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "So?" "You killed everyone in the world!!" "So?" "And then you stuffed and mounted all the guys penises and... and..." Shinji shook his head to clear the image of Asuka using the penises-on-a-stick over and over again. Asuka smirked. "You're just mad because I didn't use your penis." Shinji blushed and turned away. "No!" Asuka smirked. Across the theater another Shinji shook his head and looked at his ghostly mother. "Why are you making me watch all this again?" "So you can learn from your mistakes," Yui said, hovering angelically over the floor. Shinji frowned. "I was supposed to be learning something?" "Yes, weren't you paying attention?" Shinji gulped and looked away from his mother. "Um... well... sometimes." Yui rolled her eyes. "Just like your father. I had to show him how to combine and split recombinant DNA several times before he could do it without creating some mutated monster or talk show host." She shuddered. "I hope someday that the world forgives us for creating Jerry Springer." "I'm sure they forgave you as soon as Third Impact happened." "Really? I hope so." Shinji looked down at the floor. "Sorry about not paying attention..." Yui sighed heavily and then took Shinji's hand. "Well, let's go back to Third Impact and see if you can retain more this time." "Sorry." -E- -V- -A- The story up to here in super-ultra-condensed form: Misato gave Shinji a French kiss. Shinji got a hard on (the first of millions). Asuka was alive when she was pulled out of Unit Two. Or was she? Oh... and then a little thing called Third Impact happened and the Human Race was reduced to yellow goo and their souls went through Rei's vagina and into her uterus where they are awaiting a perfect world to recycle the souls into. But that's just a side story and not really that important in the grand scheme of things. Shinji has to make that perfect world. He's not doing so good. After six hundred and sixty five worlds were created and discarded, Shinji looked at his mother and scratched his head. "Well, I guess I figured out that making a world where O.J. Simpson was actually not guilty wasn't a good idea." "Is that all?" "Don't make a world where everyone is the same sex." "Why?" "Because the human race dies out pretty fast if they can't have sex." Yui nodded. "Yes, even if they didn't kill each other out of frustration at not being able to get laid they would have died out when they couldn't reproduce." "Yeah, but you'd have thought they'd have all been gay under that circumstance." Yui shook her head sadly. "Are you gay?" Shinji's eyes widened. "No!!" "Good, I was a little afraid after you gave that blow job to Touji in world sixty-nine." Shinji blushed. "That was because Asuka changed the panels!!" Yui nodded knowingly. "Yeah... yeah... so you keep saying." "Well, now what?" Yui pointed at the other Shinji who was putting the finishing touches on a set of storyboards, surrounded by three naked girls. "Now we can see how world six hundred sixty six turns out." Shinji sighed. Yui took her son's hand. -E- -V- -A- Shinji pulled the storyboards together and tapped them on the floor to straighten them. "There. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this world. It's perfect." Asuka rolled her eyes. "And how many times have you said that?" Shinji frowned and looked to his left at the redhead. "I forget." "Eight hundred, fifty-six times," Rei informed them from the other side of Shinji. Shinji looked at Rei. "Really?" Rei nodded. Shinji concentrated. "Well... I really mean it this time." Asuka looked at the storyboards. "Failure six hundred and sixty six coming up!" Shinji shook his head. "No... this one won't fail. No matter what I'm going to see it through." "That's very mature of you," Misato remarked, walking up in front of Shinji. Shinji stood up proudly. "I've spent an entire week designing this world and I'm sure it'll be perfect this time!" "Eight hundred, fifty-seven," Rei said. "Only if you made me queen of all the little men in the world," Asuka remarked, standing regally with her breasts upturned. Shinji shook his head. "Nope." "Please?" Asuka asked while rubbing up against Shinji. "No!" Shinji snapped, stepping away from Asuka. Asuka frowned and looked at Shinji's groin. Misato smiled. Something else occurred to Misato. Rei tilted her head. -E- -V- -A- After school, the gang was sitting around the old oak tree in the schoolyard. Kensuke was gesturing wildly with his hands, while Touji was trying to nonchalantly look into Hikari's blouse. Shinji was listening intently to Kensuke, while trying to ignore Asuka's complaints that she was bored. "I'm bored!!" Asuka repeated as she swung on one of the branches of the old oak tree. Shinji looked at her, only to catch a glimpse of Asuka's green lace panties as she swung towards him. He blushed and looked back at Kensuke. "So... you want to go today?" Kensuke nodded. Touji shook his head. "Um... well... I think we have plans." He grinned lopsidedly at Hikari. "We'll go," Hikari said, cutting Touji's wet fantasy date with her off at the knees. It could have been worse; she could have cut something off higher up. Touji's head sank to his chest. "Darn it..." Everyone looked at Asuka, who shrugged. "I guess... it's a bit boring, but okay." The others all looked at each other and exchanged a knowing look. Asuka hopped down from the tree and put her arms around Shinji and Kensuke, herding Hikari and Touji in front of her. "Let's go kick some Angel butt!!" "You're suddenly very eager," Shinji remarked. "Just getting into the right frame of mind, buttwad." Shinji smirked, knowing that Asuka loved to play Neon Genesis Evangelion as much as the rest of them. They made their way to the front gate of the school, only to have a girl run around the corner and crash into them, sending them all crashing to the ground. "Look where you're going!!" Asuka snapped. Shinji's eyes went wide as a beautiful sea of blue lace was spread out before his eyes. He clutched his nose to keep the blood from spurting out. Rei slapped her dress down. "Pervert!!" "I like that shade of blue, Rei," Touji remarked and was immediately flattened by his girlfriend. "Jerk!!" Hikari harrumphed and stomped off, followed by a groveling Touji. Shinji got to his feet. "Sorry... it was an accident." "Yeah... right." Rei sighed. Kensuke checked his watch. "We'd better get going guys, the Eva center gets pretty crowded after six." Rei's eyebrows raised. "Eva center?" "Yeah, it's this cool game. Ever heard of it?" Kensuke asked. Rei smiled. "I'm... familiar with it." "Want to come play with us?" Kensuke asked, ignoring Shinji and Asuka's insistent waves to not invite Rei. Asuka because... well, something bugged her about the blue haired girl and Shinji because Rei wouldn't do anything but crash into him and accidentally show him her panties. Most boys would take the hint, or at least enjoy it, but this is Shinji we're talking about. Rei smirked. "Sure, it could be fun." "Let's go then," Kensuke said as he started off in the direction of the mall. Rei nodded and followed. Asuka and Shinji exchanged an annoyed look. "Well, I guess it won't be that bad to have her playing," Shinji remarked. "She couldn't play any worse than you do." "Hey!!" Shinji snapped. Asuka giggled and ran off towards Kensuke, who had been joined by Hikari and a bruised Touji. "Well... at least she has a great butt," Shinji said to himself as he checked out the view from behind. -E- -V- -A- The ghostly Shinji looked at his mother. "This... this is the last world I created." "Yes, it is," Yui remarked emotionlessly. "I remember this one... I wanted to stick with it even when it got bad." Yui put her hand on her son's shoulder. "That's a sign of maturity. Sticking with a situation even when it isn't quite right." "Quite right?! It bit the big one! It sucked!! It blew big time!!! It was fu-" Shinji snapped. "Watch your language, Shinji." "Sorry," Shinji muttered and looked at his other self, who was in a trance. "He should have started over when... when..." Yui tilted her head. "You're not sure, are you?" "Well... no." "Although there were bad things about that world there were good things, weren't there?" "Yeah... I guess." Yui smiled. "That's why you could never bring yourself to destroy it and why..." Shinji's eyes snapped open when he remembered how he came to be with his mother. "Kaworu!!" Suddenly, the theater exploded around him. Splinters of wood flew all around him as the walls blew apart. As the winds blasted him, Shinji reached for his mother's hand, but she withdrew it from his reach. "Mother!!" Seemingly unaffected by the winds, Yui shook her head. "You have to handle this on your own, my son." Shinji saw his mother fade from view as he was sucked away into darkness. -E- -V- -A- Shinji opened his eyes and saw a familiar, gray ceiling. "Where... Oh... shit!! I'm in jail!" He looked away from the familiar ceiling and at the rest of the cell. It was the same cell he had stayed in during his last stay in the Tokyo-3 juvie hall. He shook his head. He looked around the cell and saw two other guys snoring in their bunks, leaving one empty. A familiar feeling washed over Shinji's body. He slipped off the bed and silently made his way to the toilet. Looking around to see if anyone was watching, he slipped off his pants and relieved himself. "Ahhhh... it seems like an eternity since I've gone." "You look cute like that." Shinji went white with fright and looked at his cellmates, only to see them still sleeping in their beds. He looked around and then saw the source of the voice. "Rei?" "How are you doing?" Rei asked, craning her neck to get a good look at Shinji's mighty oak. Shinji jumped up and ran to the bars. "Rei! What's going on?" Rei looked down at her feet. "Well, you're pissing on my shoes, for one thing." Shinji looked down and saw that he had forgotten to shake and pull his pants up, thus dribbling on Rei's shoes. "Eep!!" He reached down, but Rei stopped him and pulled him against the bars. "I don't mind," Rei said, and pulled him into a long tongue-twisting kiss. Shinji knew he shouldn't be kissing this Rei, but somehow couldn't pull himself away from her. That probably had a lot to do with Rei's vise-like grip on his penis. The kiss ended and Rei ran her hand through Shinji's hair. "Don't worry... we'll find some way to get you out." Shinji frowned. "Why am I in here anyway?" Rei flinched and looked away awkwardly. "You don't remember?" "No... not really." Shinji concentrated, but couldn't remember anything after the big fight in the Eva center. Well, except for reliving Third Impact and his first six hundred and sixty-five perfect worlds with his mother, but he didn't think he should tell Rei that. "Well..." Rei looked away, troubled. "Tell me." "They charged you with murder after Hasamoto died on the way to the hospital." Shinji's eyes went wide. "Kaworu!!" -E- -V- -A- The girls according to Shinji: My friends, family, and only reason I'm still sane in this twisted place we call the theater. But I still wish they'd leave my penis alone. [End - Garden of EVA 2:5 - The Girls All Blow!] ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: And once again Shinji finds himself in the slammer. Just to refresh your memories about world 666, you might want to re-read books zero and one. Things really blow from here. I'd like to thank my pre-readers David Johnston, EBJ, Reaver, Thomas C. Kinnen, and Michael A. Chase for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML members Steven A. Pirrone, Jose Argao, Jon L, and E.L. Toh were also helpful in fine tuning this story. And a special thanks to Thomas Hackwood for a particularly helpful suggestion. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft began (May 20, 2000) Revision 0.1 - Initial draft completed (June 22, 2000) Revision 0.3 - Pre-reader draft (June 22, 2000) Revision 0.4 - FFML draft (July 12, 2000) Revision 1.0 - Final version (July 25, 2000) Revision 1.1 - First RAAC posting (August 11, 2000)