From: Jim Lazar Subject: [Eva][FanFic][Lemon] Garden of EVA 2:666 - God Blows His Nose! X-Moderation-Queue-Date: Sat, 04 Aug 2001 15:47:53 -0700 [EVA][Fanfic][VeryLimeWithASliceOfLemon] Garden of EVA 2:666 - God Blows His Nose! ======================================================================= Garden of EVA 2:666 - God Blows His Nose! Book 2: Blows Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-2001 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that will blow your mind. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@animeprime.com Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://www.animeprime.com/ff/geva ======================================================================= There's no reason to warn you after all the blood, guts, and semen you've waded through to get to this point. Be afraid... be very afraid. P.S. There are many references to End of Evangelion in this part that might not make that much sense if you haven't seen that movie yet. I don't think there are any major spoilers contained within, but I can't make any promises. ======================================================================= Shinji ran towards the wrinkled bump on the wall and tore off a piece of the wallpaper. "Rei!!" he shouted as her perky breasts were revealed. "Shinji, it's so dark!" Another piece of wallpaper was pulled off, revealing her blue bush. Not to mention her pink vaginal folds, but I won't mention those. Several more rips later, Rei fell into Shinji's arms. "What happened?" Shinji finished picking off some bits of wallpaper that were still stuck to Rei's skin. "Um.. well..." He looked at Yui. "Sorry about that..." Yui said, looking around at the wallpapered theater. "I was doing a little redecorating and must have missed seeing you there." "Oh... I dozed off against one of the walls, I guess." Rei looked around and saw the little severed Gendou heads on the wallpaper. "I don't like the pattern." She grinned. Shinji smiled. "I love your smile." He leaned down and gave her a long kiss. When it ended, he apologized. "I'm sorry if I upset you when I told Asuka and Misato that I loved them." "That's okay." She lowered her head, causing some of her hair to fall over her eyes. Shinji could tell she was still troubled by the look in her eyes when he brushed her hair away. "Rei, whatever else has happened and will happen, I love you; now and forever." Rei burst out laughing. "That's so corny." Shinji shrugged. "Yeah, but it's the truth." Rei melted into Shinji's embrace. "I love you too." Shinji's lips met Rei's once again and they shared a private moment. Well, private except for Yui standing nearby and watching their every move, that is. When something suddenly came up, she turned away. "Well, I'll just leave you two alone." She started walking away. As he slid on top of Rei, Shinji pressed against the half-wallpapered wall. Oblivious to the loud cracking sound that rang out, Shinji pressed his body against Rei's. Their lips touched again, sending waves of excitement through their young bodies. Rei moaned as Shinji's hand slid seductively up the side of her body, pausing at all the right spots to make her moan louder. Relying on the memories of the Shinji who had actually done it before, Shinji slipped his mighty oak into her waiting forest with a mighty wall-shattering thrust. And then the wall collapsed behind them, covering them with dust and splinters. Coughing, Shinji wiped the debris off Rei and looked up. "What happened?" He gasped when he saw the wall of the theater had fallen down and noticed the wooden supports sticking out of the back of it. It looked exactly like the false walls that you would find on a movie set. "Wha..." "Oh my..." Yui said as she walked back over. Shinji looked back at Yui. "Mom, what's going on?" Yui shook her head. "I'm not your mother, I'm his mother." She pointed behind Shinji. Following her gesture, Rei and Shinji looked through the settling dust and saw themselves floating on a sea of LCL. Ironically, the other naked Shinji and Rei were in a similar position as the Shinji and Rei in the theater were. Except Rei was on top. "What the..." the Shinji on top gasped. "What the hell did you do to my wall!!" the Shinji on the bottom yelled. "Wall?" Shinji repeated as the remaining walls began to spin around him. Mostly since they started to fall down, one after the other in a thunderous crashing orgy of destruction. "Shinji, who is that on top of you?" the Rei on the bottom asked the Shinji on the bottom. "This is Rei." "The third Rei, actually," the Rei on top clarified in a monotone voice. The Rei on the bottom frowned. "But I'm the third... plus another Rei from world six-six-six." The Rei on top shook her head, causing her breasts to shimmy. "No, you're not." "Am too!!" the Rei on the bottom insisted. "You're just part of a world that Shinji here-" The Rei on top indicated the Shinji she was on top of. "-made when he went insane after Third Impact." The Rei on the bottom gasped. "So... I'm not..." She looked up at the Shinji who still had his manhood thrust deep into her. "WE'RE not the real Shinji and Rei?" Then she remembered something. "Not even half of them?" The Rei on top of Shinji shook her head, causing her hips to wiggle. "No, Shinji was so distraught that Misato and Asuka had died, that at the moment of Third Impact his mind snapped and he created a false world where he could be walled off from the real world with the three women he loved more than life itself." "This can't be true..." the Shinji on top of Rei with his mighty oak thrust deep into Rei's wet forest said. "It is," the other Rei and Shinji said together. "I couldn't face the reality of my old world and escaped into a fantasy world," the Shinji on the bottom with his penis pressed against Rei's vagina explained. The Shinji on top shook his head and scanned what remained of the theater, which was broken wood panels and the cheerful ceiling he had painted with Rei. "No... this was no fantasy world. It was like hell itself!!" "Only because you made it hell." The Shinji on top gasped and stared at his other self. "What?!" "You had all the time in the world with the three women you loved more than life itself and what did you do?" The Shinji on the bottom shook his head sadly. "You decided to make other worlds." "What was I supposed to do?" "Love them." Shinji opened his mouth to reply, but shut it when he realized that he was right. "I had a chance to love them and I ran away, didn't I?" The Shinji on the bottom nodded. "And in the end when I could open my heart to them and tell them that I loved them, I lost them?" The Shinji on the bottom nodded. "Then why didn't you scrap the theater and do something else?" "It was easier for me to let you do all the work of making a new world, that's why." The Shinji on top grew angry. "Why you lazy bastard!!" The Shinji on the bottom shrugged his shoulders. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." "That's probably why you're on the bottom, too, you lazy sex partner!" the Shinji on top spat, but was prevented from expounding on that when his mother--make that the other Shinji's mother--put her hand on his shoulder. "Shinji, my son was only doing what his genes told him to do; just like his father he let someone else do the dirty work." "I'm not like my father!!" both Shinjis insisted. Yui sighed. "So much alike." The Shinji on top looked at Yui. "So you're not really my mother?" Yui shook her head. "I never really said I was." "You should have told me!!" "I thought about it, but you seemed so happy to see me I didn't have the heart." Yui rubbed Shinji's face. Despite himself, the Shinji on top enjoyed the warmth of the woman who he had thought to be his mother. "So I'm not really carrying the souls of humanity and Misato's not really my mother and..." Yui shook her head. "No, all that was true. Of course, they actually pertain to the third Rei over there." She nodded towards the Rei on top. "That would make me the fourth then..." the Rei on the bottom said, rubbing her stomach. She suddenly felt empty inside and started to wonder what her purpose was if she wasn't carrying the souls of humanity any longer. "Don't worry, Four-" the Rei on top said. "-you're carrying the souls." The Rei on the bottom looked confused. "Huh?" "I didn't want stretch marks, so I let you carry them." A part of the Rei on the bottom was elated. The other part wanted to ream the other Rei a new one. The Shinji on top looked between all the other people in the theater... make that in the sea of LCL with bits of the theater floating in it. "So what do we do now?" Yui smiled. "You could start by taking your cock out of that girl's pussy." Shinji gulped and started to withdraw. The Rei on the bottom moaned. It wasn't clear if the moan was from disappointment or ecstasy. Probably a bit of both. -E- -V- -A- A pair of Shinjis and a pair of Reis sat cross-legged on a large chunk of the theater floor that floated on the sea of LCL. The collection of floorboards had torn free of the large concrete pilings that had once supported the theater and was just one of the large chunks of theater that now littered the sea of LCL since the walls had collapsed when Shinji had started to bang Rei and banged the wall instead. So for several centuries, they stared at each other from the corners of the square they formed on the floating floorboards until Yui floated over to the four of them, her white robes fluttering like an angel as she touched down. Her graceful landing was spoiled when her added weight cased the floorboards to tip and send its occupants rolling into the sea of LCL. One of the Shinji's was the first to surface. He looked around for the others and the theater floor. "Crap!' he spat when he saw Rei sinking into the LCL, a strange contented look on her face. Shinji took a deep breath and dove under the LCL. He swam through the thick liquid towards the sinking Rei. Just as his air was running out, he grabbed her hand and started to rise towards the surface as fast as he could. Gasping for breath as he surfaced, Shinji pulled Rei out of the LCL and swam over the floating floorboards with one hand. Pulling Rei--who still had the same contented look on her face--up onto the floor, he coughed few times and then looked at Rei. "Shit!" he swore when he noticed she wasn't breathing. Instinctively, he opened her mouth and pressed his own over hers. Blowing several deep breaths into her lungs, he puled back and compressed the center of her chest several times, her perky breasts bouncing with each push. "Come on, Rei, breathe!! I'm not going to lose you after all we've been through." "Hey, dummy, we can breathe the LCL." Shinji looked at the source of the voice and saw his own head rising from the LCL. "Then why..." He looked down at Rei. Rei opened her eyes and spoke. "I just wanted to know what a kiss felt like." "Rei!!" Shinji shouted in joy and smothered Rei with wet kisses. It wasn't until Rei's face was covered with slobber that her words sunk into Shinji's mind. "Wait... you're not my Rei, are you?" Rei shook he head. "No, but it was a most interesting experience to be slobbered on by you." Shinji stopped slobbering on Rei and looked around frantically for his Rei. His jaw dropped over when he saw her doing the backstroke in the LCL. "Rei?" Rei smiled and started to head over to the floating floorboard. "This stuff is great to swim in." Shinji laughed. "Um... can you get off me now?" Shinji looked down and realized he had his left hand on Rei's breast. "Oops... sorry..." He slid his hand off her breast and looked towards the other Rei. "That's okay, it was a most simulating experience." Rei tilted her head. "Is that what they call the breaststroke?" Shinji's eyebrow rose as he remembered how his Rei used to be when they first appeared in the theater. he thought as he carefully helped Rei up onto the floorboards. Yui smiled apologetically from the other side of the floorboards. "Sorry about that." Rei looked up at Yui as she squeezed some LCL out of her hair. "Why do you think we were sitting apart like that? It was to balance the floorboards." "I thought you were just having a long talk about what to do," Yui remarked. One of the Shinji's sighed. "We tried, but all we could agree on was that we should call me and Rei Shinji-prime and Rei-prime to avoid confusion between the real us and these fakes." He pointed at the other Shinji and Rei. "I'd really wish you'd stop calling us fakes!" Shinji insisted. Shinji-prime sighed. "Yeah... yeah... how about 'reality challenged'?" Shinji slid towards Shinji-prime, but stopped when the floor started to tilt. "Just be glad this floor is so unstable or I'd show you what I think of that suggestion." He hit his hand with his fist. Shinji-prime laughed. "Oh, I'm shaking in my boots," he said, ignoring the fact that he wasn't wearing boots. Or anything else, for that matter. For some unknown reason, Rei-prime chose that moment to look down at her chest and then at the other Rei's chest. "My breasts are smaller than hers." "No they're not," Shinji-prime said, unconsciously covering his lap. "Shinji-prime's penis is smaller than my Shinji's too," Rei said, reaching over carefully and squeezing her Shinji's penis. "That's not important right now!!" Shinji-prime insisted, blushing and looking away. "Fascinating," Rei-prime said as she forced Shinji-prime's hand away from penis-prime and examined his member. "Apparently, when he created the theater he unconsciously made his penis and my breasts bigger." The other Rei laughed. "Yeah, my Shinji did the same thing in the worlds he created." She looked hungrily at Shinji. "In fact, since this is the body of Shinji from world six-six-six, it's even bigger than the Shinji that Shinji-prime made." "Fascinating." Rei tilted her head. "Why do men fixate on the size of their penises and women's breasts so much?" "They're all sex crazed perverts, that's why," Rei answered. "But sometimes you find one that makes it worth putting up with their perversions." She winked. "And you can even use those perversions to great effect sometimes." Rei-prime seemed to consider this for a moment. "You are quite peculiar." "You stick with me, girl, and these two Shinjis will be drooling over us in no time." Rei-prime tilted her head. "And that's a good thing?" Rei smiled broadly. "It can be, if done right." "Fascinating." While the combo-Rei brought Rei-prime up to speed on the finer points of men, sex, and everything else, the two Shinjis glared at each other. "I don't care, I think it was a good solution!" Shinji snapped, glancing at the frozen viewpoint that hovered at the spot where the theater used to stand. Shinji-prime shook his head. "Wiping out the history of Mankind just to get Rei, Asuka, Hikari, Misato, and that nameless chick in the back of the schoolroom as your sex slaves is not a good solution!!" "Hey! Hikari is part of Touji and Kensuke's harmonious clan and Misato has her own as well!" Shinji insisted. Shinji-prime scratched his head. "Really?" Shinji nodded. "Well, I wasn't really paying attention. Anyway... that was a real lame world." "Was not!!" "Was too!!" "Look, you little boy, at least *I* tried to make a perfect world." "Shut up!" "What did you do? You just made some lame theater and then left it up to me to make a new world for humanity." "That's no way for you to talk about your creator!!" "Oh, shove it!" Shinji snapped and chanced sliding a bit closer to Shinji-prime. "I'm not only the creator of over six hundred worlds, I'm both the created and creator in one." He tapped his head that held his merged brain. "Yeah, I enjoyed that bit." Shinji-prime laughed. "Watching you fall off the Tokyo tower and spattering across the floor of the theater. If my mom hadn't been bored and put you back together again, where would you be now?" "Well, I'm very thankful she put me back together and then merged our brains, but that doesn't mean I'm going to take any crap from you, dickhead!!" Shinji-prime inched his way towards Shinji, making sure not to rock the floorboards. "Take that back, buttwad!" "In your dreams, pencildick!!" "Asshole!" "Mother-fucker!!" "I never fucked my mother!" "You did in world five-twenty-eight. "That wasn't me, that was one of the fucked up worlds you made!" "Well, you made me, so you're responsible for everything I did, dipshit!" "Don't push your failures off on me, asshole!" "Don't call me asshole, you asshole." "Don't call me asshole, goo-for-brains." Having gotten within hitting distance of Shinji-prime, Shinji pulled back his arm and aimed towards his own face. Before he could swing, Rei walked casually over and grabbed his arm. Amazingly, she managed to walk casually, but still avoid tipping the floorboards over. "Shinji, come with me." "Why?" Shinji asked, still glaring at his other self. "I want you to fuck me." Shinji gulped and looked at Rei. He glanced back at Shinji-prime and considered if he wanted to fight himself or have mad, passionate sex with Rei. "Hey!!" Shinji-prime shouted as Shinji and Rei raced off to fuck each other, rocking the floorboards in the process. Trying to steady himself, he reached out and grabbed something firm. "Don't grab me there unless you mean business, mister." Shinji-prime squeezed the firm breast he had used to steady himself. "Ah... sorry." "That's okay." Rei titled her head. "While they are busy, want to go fuck?" "Rei?!" Shinji-prime gasped. "What?" Shinji-prime squeezed her breast again. "You're not my Rei, are you?" Rei shook her head. "Your Rei wanted to find out what sex was like, so I lent her Shinji for a while." Shinji-prime glared in the direction of the grunting and panting sounds. "Why that bastard!!": Rei grabbed his arm to prevent him from storming off. "It's okay. Unlike you two Shinjis, I can get along with myself and share my toys." "Toys?" Rei's eyes looked down at Shinji-prime's crotch. Shinji-prime gulped loudly and covered his lap. "Oh... so you wanna fuck?" Shinji giggled like a little schoolgirl. "My Rei would never talk like that." "Probably not." Rei raised one eyebrow. "Well?" "I don't know..." Shinji-prime looked away awkwardly. Rei sighed. "Such a boring little boy." Shinji-prime's eyes widened. "What is it with you girls and that line!!" -E- -V- -A- One perverted, kinky, and twisted sex scene later, Rei-prime lay on top of Shinji's chest. "Was that it?" Shinji flinched. "Um... yeah..." "That other Rei seems to enjoy it so much, but I failed to see the point in all that humping and grinding, not to mention the panting and moaning." "Um... well... it was your first time." "Oh, so the second time is better?" "Probably. The half of me that remembers all sorts of weird events surrounding sex seemed to enjoy it more as time went on." "What made it better?" Shinji grinned slightly. "Less interruptions, mostly." "Oh, so can we do it again then?" Shinji opened his mouth to answer, but Rei beat him to it. "Nope, you've had your turn. Go fuck your own Shinji this time," Rei said as she tiptoed over on the unsteady floorboards. Rei-prime looked up at the other Rei. "Oh... okay." Springing to her feet, she did an impressive backwards summersault and landed behind Rei, only causing the floorboards to shift slightly in the process. "Damn, if she can do that why couldn't she..." Shinji trailed off as he noticed Rei glaring at him. "Hi, honey." He smiled like only a boyfriend who had just screwed another woman who happens to be virtually identical to his girlfriend could. "I only lent you to her that one time, so I hope you're ready to rock my world." "Um... sure." Rei looked down at the obviously spent Shinji and smiled. "Or we can just cuddle here for a little while." She slid down on top of Shinji and wiggled into a comfortable position. Shinji sighed in appreciation and wrapped his arms around Rei. Within moments, the couple blissfully fell asleep in each other's arms. -E- -V- -A- Rei screamed as her abdominal muscles contracted, causing her to push out of instinct. Shinji knelt by her side and looked on worriedly until he was slapped savagely across the face by one of Rei's flailing arms. Falling sideways, he grunted and rubbed his red face. "Ooo..." Rei growled again. Asuka was kneeling between Rei's spread legs and gasped suddenly. "Buu fuu poo poo!!" she exclaimed suddenly, which meant 'That's the biggest turd I've ever seen!!' Rei was sweating furiously and looked down at the redheaded girl. "Poo poo?" she said, which meant 'Turd?' Asuka nodded and then said, "Ewwwww..." when a foot long object poured out from Rei's vagina along with a lot of blood. Rei grunted as the last spasm finished cascading through her exhausted body. "Muu poo poo fuu woo poo poo," she said, which meant 'I never want to lay a turd like that turd again'. Suddenly, the turd started to cry. Naturally, this surprised everyone out by the shitting tree that was one tree over from the lesbian's tree because turds didn't normally cry. Well, there is this one Mexican place in Tijuana has some strange sounds coming from their bathrooms, but it's not exactly the turds crying. "Poo poo coo," Asuka said, prodding the turd with a stick. Roughly translated, that meant 'Your turd is crying'. "Coo poo poo?" Rei said, straining to see her turd. Shinji crawled over--out of the range of Rei's arms--and looked closely at the turd. "Hhhhhhh..." he muttered as he wiped the blood off the turd. Rei and Asuka ewwwww'ed in unison. "Nuu fuu poo poo, iuuuuuu!!" Shinji said as he put his finger in the little turn's mouth. Translated that meant 'It's not a turd, it's a... argh!!'. Shinji tried to free his finger from the jaw of the little turd. "Guuu guuu guuu!!" he screamed, which meant 'Get it off, get it off!!' Rei reached forward and pulled the turd off Shinji's finger. She was about to toss it into the shit pile with the rest of the shit, but then it started sucking on her breast. "Ewwwww.... poo poo suu boo boos," she said, meaning 'Ewwwww... the turd is sucking on my joy bags'. Asuka prodded the turd with the stick again. "Yuu goo fuu poo poo. iuu suu puu," she said, which meant 'I don't think it's a turd after all, I think it's a little person'. Rei frowned and looked at her turd's eyes. As the mother's eyes made contact with the baby's eyes, a strange and unfamiliar warmth passed through Rei and the strain and pain of passing the turd was forgotten. A smile formed on her face and she cradled the turd against her bosom. "Poo poo iuu fuu luu," she said, meaning 'I love my turd'. -E- -V- -A- Shinji shook his head as he came out of his trance. "I hope they stop calling it a turd..." he mumbled softly. "What was that?" Shinji-prime asked. Not softly enough, apparently. Shinji flinched and looked over at where his other self sat with a Rei on either side of him. "Um... nothing." He point back at the frozen viewpoint. "See? They are already reproducing in my really-really-I-mean-it-this-time-perfect world." "Well, that doesn't mean it's really perfect." Shinji-prime looked at the viewpoint. "I mean... they almost threw it in a pile of shit." Shinji shrugged. "They're learning things by trial and error. You can't expect them to get it perfect on the first try." Shinji-prime smiled in that smug way that drove the other Shinji bonkers. "But I thought this was your really-really-I-mean-it-this-time-perfect world?" Shinji proceeded to wipe Shinji-prime's smile off his face with a combination of right hooks and left jabs. "Stop beating yourself up, Shinji." Shinji's latest swing to his own face paused as Yui floated over. "Okay..." he muttered as he bashed Shinji-prime right between the eyes. Shinji-prime collapsed and clutched his bloody nose on top of the floorboards, which had been stabilized by tying the floating wooden ark to one of the concrete pilings near the viewpoint. Shinji walked over to the two Reis and Yui. "But he gets on my nerves, Mom!" Yui shook her head. "I'm not your mother; I'm the mother of the boy you were beating up." Shinji sighed. "Sorry, but he won't admit that my really-really-I-mean-it-this-time-perfect world is the best choice for the new human race." "Just because you can't get your way doesn't mean it's okay to use violence, Shinji," Yui said, putting a motherly hand on his shoulder. "Yeah..." "Now... if you can't decide what to do without killing each other, I'll just have to decide." Shinji's eyes opened wide. "No!! You'll make some boring world where there's nothing but prudes and singing Disney characters!" Yui shook her head. "First, that's an oxymoron, but..." "I'm not a moron!!" To prove it, Shinji shook his head violently around and then showed his ears to Yui. "See? No brain ooze." Yui sighed. "Anyway, it's not true. I'd never make a world like that." She looked closely at Shinji's penis. Looked VERY closely. "I didn't put the fig leaves back on, did I?" Growing uncomfortable with his mother--or a close approximation of his mother--kneeling in front of him and staring at his manhood, Shinji stepped back. "Well, that's only because you ran out of leaves!!" Yui flinched as Shinji hit the nail right on the head. "Well... just because I think people shouldn't run around buck naked like you four are, doesn't mean I can't create a good world too." Shinji sighed. "I know, but it's my responsibility to do it." "Actually, it's mine, jerk," Shinji-prime snapped as he wiped some blood of his lip. Shinji glared at himself. "Not any more!! You gave up the responsibility when you let me continue to make worlds in my theater." "Don't talk to your creator that way, you little... ooooof!" A swift knee to his balls interrupted Shinji-prime's power trip. Shinji's mouth dropped open as he saw his other self clutch his crotch, crumple to the floor, and writhe around in pain. He looked at Yui. "Why did you do that?" Yui lowered her knee. "Because he's gotten a little full of himself after he created you, the others, and the theater. Waiting in this vast ocean of LCL with Rei sitting on top of his manhood must have bent his unstable little mind." "He didn't even put it in me while we waited," Rei-prime complained for some unknown reason. Yui shook her head. "Great, now we've got three sex-crazed teenagers here." "I won't lose my virginity until I'm married, honest, Mommy!" Shinji shook his head. "I can't believe this wimp is me." "I'm not you, I'm your creator!" Needless to say, Shinji-prime got another ball kicking. This time from Shinji. Then Rei and Rei-prime took their turns. -E- -V- -A- "Rock, paper, scissors!!" Shinji held out a closed fist, while Shinji-prime held out two fingers. "Shit... best five out of nine!!" Shinji-prime spat. -E- -V- -A- "Rock, paper, scissors!!" Shinji held out a flat hand, while Shinji-prime held out a closed fist. "Shit... best fifty out of ninety-nine," Shinji-prime insisted. -E- -V- -A- "Rock, paper, scissors!!" Shinji held out two fingers, while Shinji-prime held out a flat hand. "Shit... best five hundred million out of nine hundred million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, and nine hundred ninety-nine!!" Shinji-prime pleaded. Shinji sighed. "No!! I'm sick of this. You're just prolonging the inevitable!!" "Nothing is inevitable if you can hide from it long enough!!" Shinji-prime snapped back. Shinji recoiled from the lame response. "That is so fucking lame!! You have to face life, not hide from it!!" Shinji-prime's eyes narrowed. "Who are you? No creation of mine could be so rational." Shinji smirked. "I'm not you, you moron! I may have started as your creation, but I have learned and grown into a different person..." He paused. "Two different persons, actually. I've decided to stop running away from life, you should too!!" "Don't act all smug because you've got that extra goo between your ears." "It's solid now!!" Shinji insisted, clenching his fist. "Stop it now!" Yui yelled as she did a graceful summersault in mid air before landing. "Showoff..." Shinji muttered. "Now then... if you two can't decide what to do with the human race, I'll have to decide." "No!!" both Shinjis insisted. "Well, then maybe I should merge both of your minds?" Yui suggested. "No!!" both Reis insisted and ran over from where they had been... cleaning themselves. Yes, cleaning. That's the only reason they would have been licking each other, right? There's nothing kinky or sexual happening on the ark. Really. "You can't merge them!" Rei pleaded. "The readers would have a fit if the author repeated that gory brain surgery sequence!" "Yeah, plus that would reduce the number of penises on the ark!" Rei-prime explained. "Huh?" Shinji gasped. Rei smirked and exchanged a sly smile with the other Rei, her pupil in love. "And the animals were led onto the ark, two by two." She winked at Shinji. Shinji laughed heartily, scaring the shit out of Shinji-prime. Shinji-prime looked up from the fresh pile of shit on the floorboards beneath him. "I wish you wouldn't laugh like that... it's not something I'm used to hearing myself do." Shinji exhaled deeply. "And that's your problem. You're so wrapped up in the hell that your life was, you can't step back and enjoy your life." Shinji-prime's lip twitched. "Don't you mean afterlife?" Shinji shook his head. "No, we didn't die during Third Impact. Well... you didn't." "No, but everyone else did..." "Yes, but they are waiting for us to give them a world to be reborn into." Shinji-prime looked at Shinji. "Us?" "I can't do it alone..." Shinji-prime looked at the frozen viewpoint. "You're that sure that your Garden of Eva is the way to go?" Shinji nodded. "But if we release the souls into that one now..." Shinji nodded. "I know... it's okay." Shinji-prime silently appraised himself for several moments before speaking again. "You'd give up your life... no... your very existence to make that garden a reality?" Shinji nodded. "After going though hundreds of alternatives... failed alternatives... I have no doubt that my garden is the true future for the human race." Shinji-prime could see that his other self was dead serious and was prepared to trade his existence to ensure the next stage of Humanity. Doubts flooded into his mind as he searched his soul for the same answer. All he found were excuses. "And the sum of all human knowledge up to Third Impact that's currently contained within Unit One's core? Does it just disappear forever?" Shinji frowned. Despite his confidence that his latest world would work out, he did regret erasing all of human history to build that world. Well, except for the four years of terror that followed Second Impact and George W. Bush's election. Historians still couldn't decide which event really did more long term damage to the world. Of course, those historians were now reduced to LCL and their souls were inside Rei, so the point was probably moot as far as they were concerned. Shinji finally made his decision and was just about to wipe out the history of the world when he remembered that he would also be destroying all the music of his favorite singer. He sighed as he remembered all the classic music he had heard since he was just a baby and continually played and replayed in his portable tape player as his world sucked and blew around him. "Well... maybe we can preserve the history somehow." Shinji-prime smiled. "Good, I'd hate to think that all those classic Britney Spears songs would be gone for good." Shinji smiled back and nodded his agreement. -E- -V- -A- At the end of one world and the beginning of another... Shinji fucked Rei like there was no tomorrow. Mostly since they knew there was no tomorrow for them. "Oh, Shinji!!" "Oh, Rei!!" If Asuka was there, she'd have thrown up. Without being distracted by a vomit spewing redhead, Rei and Shinji reached orgasm together, collapsing into each other's arms and holding on for the rest of their time together. "Nope, that didn't work." Shinji and Rei looked up with weary eyes at the three people who had just observed them fuc... making love like two wild hyenas until their brains started to ooze out of their brains. Figuratively, since their brains were now as solid as most people's thick brains. Maybe even thicker. "Crap... are you sure this is how we have to complete Third Impact and transfer the souls to the Garden of Eva?" Shinji asked Yui, sitting up with Rei still wrapped in his arms. Yui nodded. "Yes, the love between a man and a woman is the final trigger." "Maybe he doesn't love me... err... her." The others all looked at Rei-prime and studied her face to try and determine if there was some deeper meaning behind her slip of the tongue. There was. Shinji looked at Shinji-prime and smiled. "Maybe it's not us who have to complete Third Impact." Shinji-prime gasped and glanced awkwardly at Rei-prime. "Well... I..." "I'm willing to give it a try," Rei-prime said softly. Shinji-prime gulped loudly and looked at Shinji. "You knew this all along, didn't you?" Shinji blushed. "Well... I..." Rei smiled and looked behind her at Shinji's smiling face. "You just wanted to make love to me before we vanished forever, didn't you?" "Well... yeah..." Rei stretched her neck up and gave Shinji a long kiss. "But why did you have to have sex with her forty-five times in a row before telling us?" Rei-prime asked, studying the kiss. Shinji smiled after breaking his lip lock with Rei. "Because it was very enjoyable." "I see," Rei-prime said, turning towards Shinji-Prime. "Shinji, please fuck me now." Shinji-prime's loud gulp cracked the concrete pilings and caused the ark to rock as it broke free of its improvised moorings. -E- -V- -A- Rei-prime arched her back as Shinji-prime pumped her full of... LCL. With each thrust, the level of LCL that the ark floated on decreased as it flowed into her waiting womb. How it got from the sea of LCL and into Shinji-prime's testicles to be pumped into Rei-prime's womb is either one of those things that will never be explained or a real gross image involving his asshole. The reader is free to pick which explanation to envision. But please don't puke in the LCL if you chose the later, because that would be even more disgusting. Even as her womb filled with the protoplasmic soup known as LCL, her belly was still as flat as it was when Shinji first slipped his rigid member into her. "Oh... oh... oh..." both Rei's gasped. Yes, both. What better way to spend your last precious moments of existence than screwing the one you love? Yui looked on as her son finally lost his virginity. Most mothers would have probably tried to stop it or give a long boring speech about the birds and the bees. And that is what she would have done if the future of the human race wasn't dependant on two of the four teenagers in front of her fucking each other's brains out. Instead, Yui was looking back and forth between the two couples and comparing their techniques. She sighed. She tilted her head to the left. She tilted her head to the other side. Suddenly, every muscle in both Rei's bodies contracted and they screamed in ecstasy as the orgasm to end all orgasms rippled through every fiber of their beings. Or being. For one brief and glorious moment, the two Reis... or five Reis depending on how you counted Reis... were one. One mind. One body. One soul. The two Shinjis were still two. Plus they were in incredible pain as the muscles of the Reis/Rei contracted around their love shafts. Then the Reis were five again. Yes... five. A five-year-old Rei lay on the ark, her little neck twisted in a way that could only be fatal. A fourteen-year-old Rei... well pieces of her flesh, at least... was riddled with mutated veins and deformed limbs and organs. Pieces of a fifteen-year-old Rei were scattered across the ark in the same pattern as they were after she fell from the Tokyo-3 Mega Tower. They were only slightly more recognizable than the mutated Rei's body parts. The other two Reis were still on the end of the two Shinji's penises. Except one of them was very obviously pregnant. Rei screamed as the souls with in her started to combine with the LCL within the other Rei and form Humanity. Yes, Humanity. The whole freaking race. As an inner glow started to consume Rei from the inside out, her stomach stretched to the breaking point and beyond, Without warning, her body blew apart. One would expect--especially long time Garden of Eva readers--a bloody orgy of flesh being torn from bones, but that's not what happened. Rei's body did burst, but as it did millions and billions of tiny balls of LCL-charged lights flew from her womb, passing through each and every cell of her body. As the souls of the new humanity started to swirl around them, Shinji looked down at the spot where Rei had just been. For a second, he saw her face staring back at him. It smiled contently before fading from view. "Rei..." he whispered wistfully, still staring at the spot where she had just been. As the last of the LCL was absorbed into the souls, Yui watched from outside the spinning sphere of souls as they--and the three teenagers within--slowly were funneled into the new world of Humanity; the Garden of Eva. "And so it all ends... again. And begins... again," Yui said, looking around the empty space that had previously been occupied by the LCL and ruins of the theater. Emptied of he protoplasmic fluid, the distant walls could now be seen. Although various debris were strew against the curved walls, it was now obvious that they had been within a large black sphere. That sphere had been known as the geofront to the people who had worked in the Tokyo-3 NERV headquarters. Now only Yui was left to float in the middle of the empty sphere. After endless hours of starting at the ruins of the theater, the fragments of the NERV headquarters pyramid, Kaji's watermelon plants--which had somehow remained intact through Third Impact and the passing millennia--and other miscellaneous debris, she sighed and looked away. That was when she saw the single object that floated at the exact center of the sphere. "How can that still be here?" -E- -V- -A- Rei walked slowly through the green pasture, clutching a small baby to her chest. She hummed a tune as it sucked gently on her teat, feasting on her motherly juices. Shinji and Asuka strolled along next to her, fascinated with the newest addition to their harmonious clan. The unnamed girl who used to sit in the back of the classroom, skipped behind them, picking flowers. The other boys and girls that called the green paradise home stopped and stared as the mother, father, and their other harmonious clan members walked by. "Fuu doo doo?" a young Ritsuko asked, looking up from young Maya's lips that she had just been kissing. The reader may chose which set of lips she was kissing. In any case, Ritsuko had asked, 'Where did the little person come from?' Rei smiled and pointed at her vaginal folds. "Duu coo suu vuu." Ritsuko looked down at Maya's vaginal folds, which were glistening with saliva. Okay, so I chose for you after all. "Luu suu doo?" Ritsuko asked, meaning 'Little people come out of there?' Rei nodded. "Huu?" Rei and the rest of her harmonious clan shrugged their shoulders. Maya had stood up and walked over to Rei and the baby. As she watched the nursing child, something stirred in her. Some instinct that she couldn't quite place. A longing. She looked at Ritsuko. "Muu fuu boo boo zoo," she said, which translated as 'For some reason, I want a little person like that." Ritsuko understood, she had similar feelings on seeing the mother and child. "Suu wuu fuu boo boo," she said, which meant 'Sure, we'll have a little person of our own'. Maya smiled broadly and took Ritsuko's outstretched hand. The two of them skipped off together to their all female harmonious clan to make a little person. As they ran off to attempt the impossible, they passed by a glowing sphere of light made up of billions of swirling lights. Like the others that ran around the green pasture, they didn't even notice it. Nor did they notice the two balls of light that separated from the mass of glowing lights and shot towards them. But they did pause as the lights entered their bodies and lit them up like a tacky Christmas display. They seemed momentarily puzzled, but quickly started towards the tree their all-girl harmonious clan called home. They were unchanged, but somehow they seemed more full of life and energy. -E- -V- -A- Shinji-prime watched the souls enter Ritsuko and Maya before looking down at Rei-prime, who was still embedded on the end of his penis. "Unless Shinji changed a few facts of biology, they are going to be disappointed when they try to have a baby." Rei-prime looked over at Shinji, who was sitting cross-legged nearby. "Life isn't always fair." Shinji-prime nodded. "I don't know if I could have given you up like he did." Rei-prime smiled. Shinji looked up from something he held cupped in his hands. "My Rei's not gone..." He tilted his hands so they could see the tiny blue haired embryo he held in his hands, which looked remarkably like the embryonic Adam that Kaji had delivered to Gendou. Only cuter. "She's here and..." He scanned the billions of lights that surrounded them. "She's all around us. A part of her is in each of these souls that will be reborn into the new Humanity." Shinji-prime nodded. "Yes... and a part of you will be too." Shinji sighed. "I don't know... I kind of expected my existence to end when she gave birth to the new human race." "Humanity needs a mother and father, doesn't it?" Rei asked. Shinji smiled slightly. "Yes, but Humanity will have to find it's own way now. For better or worse." "I'm sure it will be alright, you just..." Shinji-prime went silent as a young teenage boy ran by him, just outside the glowing whirlwind of souls. "No!!" he screamed and started to shake violently. "He can't be here!" Shinji looked at the boy Shinji-prime was staring at, the fifth member of Shinji's harmonious clan. "Oh..." "Oh? OH?!" Shinji-prime snapped. "How can you be so calm about seeing him after what he did to me... you... us?!" Shinji's response was accompanied by a contented smile. "Because I love him... WE love him." Shinji-prime recoiled in horror. "But not in that way..." Shinji winked. -E- -V- -A- Hauling a large, roughly hewn satchel over his shoulder, Kaworu bounded up to the rest of his harmonious clan and frowned. "What is that thing chewing on her joy bags?" he asked, not bothering to go through the usual translation process since the author is tired of doing that. Rei smiled. "It's my little person." "Where'd you find it?" Kaworu asked, opening up his satchel and showing off the coconuts inside. "I didn't see anything like it on my foraging trip, but I found some more of these things." He looked between his haul and the baby. "But yours looks like it'll be good to eat too." Rei frowned and instinctively clutched her baby tighter against her chest. "My little person is not for eating." "Oh... what's it for?" Kaworu asked. Rei didn't have an answer for that. She just knew that the little person in her arms was hers and needed her protection and nurturing. As she searched for an answer a word popped into her mind. "Love." "What is love?" Kaworu asked, but no one had answer. Of course, no one could truly answer that even in the world that preceded the new world. Vague notions of what it was were constantly exchanged between lovers, friends, and family. And occasionally debated on daytime talk shows. But in the end, no one could truly answer that simple question. What is love? The five members of Shinji's harmonious clan didn't dwell on the question for long, they had more pressing matters. "Ewww... little person pee pee on you!" Asuka exclaimed as a yellow liquid flowed down Rei's stomach. Rei pulled her little person away from her. "Hmmm..." For some reason, she handed the little person to Shinji. "Here, clean it up like last time." Even in the new world, the father gets stuck with cleaning up their children's messes. The more things change... -E- -V- -A- Shinji-prime watched the happy five-plus-one-some walk off towards their tree, laughing and passing the little person between them. "They look happy together." "I know how you feel about Kaworu, but denying his existence by leaving him out of the new world will only lead to pain." Shinji looked around him at the glowing souls. "I tried leaving him out of my last world, but he appeared in it anyway and played the serpent's role." He looked out at the peaceful pasture. "My Garden of Eva will only have a serpent if they evolve the need for one." Shinji-prime still looked trouble. "But will he betray us again?" Shinji shook his head. "I don't know, but did he betray us or did we betray ourselves by refusing the love of others around us and putting our trust in him. All because..." Shinji-prime finished for Shinji. "All because he said the words, while the others wouldn't or couldn't say them." Shinji nodded. "Maybe love is more than words," Rei said softly. The two Shinjis had no reason to disagree. Or the time to. Without warning, the spinning souls reversed direction and started to funnel upwards. "Whaaaa...." Shinji-prime and Rei-prime said and looked up. "The rest of the souls will wait in the geofront until they are needed," Shinji said as he watched the souls spiral upward towards the black moon that hung in the late afternoon sky. Like the Moon that had given birth to Humanity the first time around and still orbited the Earth opposite the black moon, the new moon would hold the souls for future generations. The Room of Gafs was full once again. "But aren't they needed?" Rei-prime asked. "In time, but the new world cannot support billions of people to all at once. And definitely not at the primitive state they are starting out at. So the souls will wait in the new Well of Souls until they are needed." Shinji-prime nodded his understanding. "The new Children of Eva will have to grow from the small number of harmonious clans that you've spread out across the whole world." Shinji nodded. Rei-prime frowned. "Not all of them will survive, will they?" Shinji gulped. "I don't know. There are no assurances in life, but I have..." He paused, amazed at what he was about to say. "I have faith in the human race's will to survive." And especially amazed that he really meant it. The three of them silently watched the souls soar into the sky, briefly lighting up the black moon as they sank into its surface. The black moon already bore several impact craters from debris impacting its formerly smooth surface. The debris that were blasted into orbit along with the geofront would slowly transform the black moon into a cratered world not unlike the Earth's first Moon, itself a remnant of First Impact. Shinji-prime helped Rei-prime to her feet. "I guess it's our turn to leave now." Rei-prime nodded and looked at Shinji. "Thank you." Shinji shook his head. "No, I should thank you both for giving me the chance to live." An uneasy silence followed as the three naked teenagers looked at each other for the last time. "Well?" Shinji-prime said, breaking the silence. "Well, what?" Shinji responded. "Are you going to thank us or not?" Shinji's jaw dropped. Shinji-prime smirked. "Gotcha..." "Damn, I'm a real bastard." Rei-prime nodded. "Yes, you both are great big bastards." Both Shinjis looked at Rei for several seconds before laughing. After the laughter died down, Rei-prime stepped forward and embraced Shinji. "Thank you for making me human." Shinji closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of Rei. It wasn't the feel of her firm teenage breasts pressed against his scrawny chest that filled him with joy, although it was the reason for his erection. No, the reason for the warmth that spread through him was the love that he felt for Rei, himself, and the rest of Humanity. And to think, it had only taken the complete destruction of the world and the creation of a new one for Shinji to finally and truly know what love was. Unfortunately, it's impossible to describe exactly what Shinji was feeling at that moment and convey it to the reader. So we'll just throw in a lame joke instead. "Is that a penis pressing into my stomach or are you just horny?" Shinji smiled and kissed Rei-prime's forehead. "Both." Rei smiled as she stepped back. And for a moment, she was all the Reis once again, smiling lovingly at Shinji. In the next moment she was just a glowing ball of light. "Goodbye..." A tear rolled down Shinji's face as he looked towards his other self; his creator and his worse nightmare combined. "Goodbye and thank you." "I guess I should say something deep and meaningful here." Shinji nodded. As the cells in his body started to glow and compress him into a small tennis ball sized ball of light, Shinji-prime said one word. "Live." One of Shinji's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Live?" He muttered as the two glowing souls started to spin around him. "My life ends now, but I will live on within you both." After a minute or so, the two souls stopped revolving around Shinji and shot off towards the retreating figures of Shinji's harmonious clan, passing through Shinji's body on the way. Shinji gasped as he, Shinji-prime, and Rei-prime were all one for a split second. All three minds mingled, their memories merging into one. The three people--or four if you count both of the two Shinjis previously merged into one--become one watched the two memory-less souls fly off and enter the Shinji and Rei that called the green pastures of the Garden of Eva home. The Garden of Eva's Shinji and Rei paused, the rest of their harmonious clan continuing towards their tree. Looking behind themselves, they saw the vague outline of a boy. Rise, young boy, to the heavens like a legend. Shinji and Rei followed the rising figure as it soared into the heavens, towards the dark sphere in the sky. So, boy, stand tall and embrace the fire of the legend, embracing the universe like a blazing star! Before Shinji and Rei's eyes the figure seemed to wrap its arms around the dark sphere, which exploded with the light of a million suns, spreading its warmth over the pristine Garden of Eva. Shinji looked at Rei and Rei looked at Shinji. They couldn't describe what they had just seen and they couldn't understand it. But deep inside they felt slightly different, as if they were only then... alive. Shinji held out his hand, and smiled as Rei slipped her fingers between his. Taking one last look at the gradually dimming orb in the sky, they turned and ran off towards their harmonious clan, hand in hand. Ran off towards their future. And the future of Humanity. -E- -V- -A- At the beginning of the new world... -E- -V- -A- Shinji floated in space between the black moon with its fresh craters and the crucified remains of Evangelion Unit One, which still orbited the Earth where it had been when Third Impact wiped out the human race and reduced the Earth to a blackened cinder. But that Earth now teemed with life. Some of the old continents could still be made out, but it was only a passing resemblance. Where wastelands, deserts, and uninhabitable land once stretched for as far as the eye could see, green pastures and lush forests now cascaded over gently rolling hills. In time, the natural forces would slowly change the world to a precarious balance between life and death once again, but for now Humanity would have a world green with life. Shinji smiled down on the world he had made. And it was good. Looking around in the heaven he floated in, his eyes settled on Unit One. What was almost his tomb several times, now would preserve the history and memories of the former human race. "It's time," he said to himself... or more accurately, the other selves contained within his mind. "Yes," Shinji-prime's memories replied. Just his memories. His soul was down on Earth along with Rei's soul. "We will always remember," Rei-prime's memories said as they left Shinji's mind and drifted towards Unit One on a trail of pure thought. "Be at peace now, Shinji," Shinji-prime's memories thought as they followed Rei-prime's thoughts. Shinji just watched the thoughts enter Unit One, not that he could actually see them with his eyes. But he knew exactly where they were regardless. Almost the instant they entered, Unit One sprouted wings. Golden wings of the most delicate feathers. Wings of an angel. With a mighty flap. Unit One slipped away from the Earth's gravity and began its eternal voyage through the universe. "For as long as you travel, the great accomplishments and great failures of the prior human race shall forever be preserved," Shinji whispered, not that there was anyone or anything that could hear him in the vacuum of space. For several years he watched Unit One slowly move off into the universe, until it vanished from his sight. Then he wondered... again... why he still existed. "Surely my job is done?!" he screamed to no one and nothing in particular. "Yes, your job is done." Shinji spun around, breaking all the laws of physics in being able to do so while hanging in empty space. But then he'd broken all those laws and more already, so why stop now? "Mom?" Yui smiled, deciding not to argue the point. "Your job is finished now," she said as she floated by Shinji, her robes fluttering even in the windless space they floated together. Shinji felt relief inside at hearing that, but there was still on nagging issue on his mind. That issue was the fact that he still had a mind to have a nagging issue with. "Why am I here?" Yui nodded thoughtfully. "Man has asked himself that for his entire history without truly knowing the answer." She glanced at where Unit One had disappeared. "And will do so again." She looked down at the new Earth. "No! Why am *I* STILL here if my job is done?!" Shinji snapped. Yui smiled sweetly. "I'm a bit surprised at that myself... but I think I know the answer." She held out her hand toward Shinji. "What?" "I'll show you." Yui stretched out her hand farther. Shinji took the hand and then almost vomited as they accelerated to light speed instantly. He would have liked to scream, but it wasn't possible as his lungs seemed to have been left behind. Yui--with Shinji in tow--plunged down towards the surface of the black moon. Just before they hit, they vanished... -E- -V- -A- ...and reappeared in the center of the geofront. Shinji gasped in surprise at the intricate dance of the souls around him. Not content to just wait motionless for their turn to inhabit a newborn baby, the souls spun around in seemingly random directions, but the end result was that of a well choreographed dance number. Eat your heart out, Steven Spielberg. "It's amazing!" Shinji said, mesmerized by the rainbows that spun between each soul, like a trillion little multi-colored spider webs. "Yes, but the Room of Gafs is not what I wanted to show you." Shinji just looked dumbly at Yui. Yui sighed and went into lecture mode. "The Room of Gafs is where souls wait to be born into newborn babies. It's also sometimes called the Well of Souls. After First Impact, the Moon was the Room of Gafs. Now, this black moon will be." Shinji looked back at Yui. "Well, if the Well of Souls isn't want you wanted to show me, then what did you want me to see?" Yui floated to the side, revealing a large stone tablet that was slowly spinning in the exact center of the geofront. "What is that?" Shinji asked, leaning forward. "Look closely," Yui said, smiling. Shinji slid forward, only having to think to do so from where he floated. He examined the tablet for several seconds, noticing that it was actually several thin stone pieces stacked together. He gasped. "The last perfect world I made..." Yui nodded. "But I discarded it and made my Garden of Eva." Yui shook her head. "But... then... it still exists?" Yui nodded. "When you left the theater and entered that world-" She pointed at the stone storyboards. "-it was set in stone." Shinji stared blankly at Yui. "Deep within you, there was a part of you that had accepted that world and so it was destined to be the next world for humanity." Shinji's jaw dropped open. "But... but... but..." Yui reached over and closed Shinji's flapping mouth with her hand. "You're not a motorboat, Shinji." Shinji gulped. "But I made my Garden of Eva and THAT'S the new world." A horrible thought struck him. "Isn't it? It has to be!! I want that world to last, dammit!!" Yui smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, your Garden of Eva is humanity's new world. Nothing can change that now except for another Impact and there's no chance of another one of those for quite some time." Shinji relaxed, but still looked at the stone storyboards with trepidation. "Then..." "Because I merged your two brains together into that-" Yui glanced at the storyboards. "-world's Shinji's body, Third Impact was reset and allowed you to make another world and set that in stone as well. But while that world was populated with the souls of Humanity, this world has none." "So..." Shinji prompted, still having no clue as to what Yui was talking about. "It can't be the real world for Humanity, but it is real for you. Hence why you still exist." Shinji looked at the storyboards. "But I don't really want it to be real." Yui shook her head. "Yes, you do. A part of you does or it would never have been set in stone in the first place. Plus at least half of you is a part of that world." "So, I'm dammed to spend eternity in that living hell?" "Only if you make it hell yourself." "Without Rei, it would be hell." "Rei's still a part of that world." "But... she... she became a part of every soul," Shinji said, scanning the souls that spun all around them. "And..." He looked down at the blue haired embryo he still held gently in his hands. "Yes, but as your existence is bound to that world, so is her's." "So we can be together again?" Shinji asked, his will to live rekindling itself. "Yes, all it needs is for you to will it as you reenter that world." Doubt crossed Shinji's mind. "I don't now... things were pretty bad in that world at the end." "Where there's a will..." Shinji finished the statement. "...there's a way." Yui nodded. "Goodbye... my son." With that she started to fade away. "No!! " Shinji yelled and reached for her. "Don't go, Mom!!" Yui shook her head. "You don't need me any more. None of my sons do. Trust in your will and everything will turn out okay." Shinji started to sob as Yui faded forever. "Mom..." He wasn't sure how long it was--it could have been a minute or several billion millennia--but as he hung there and felt the weight of the decision bearing down on his shoulders the souls surrounding him slowly and methodically swarmed around him, one after the other. But he was in no mood to pay attention, he just couldn't bring himself to reenter world six-six-six. But even as his conscious will refused to make the leap, his subconscious was willing... and able... to take the first and most important step. "Shinji?" Shinji's eyes went wide and the sound of the voice he had willed into existence once again. The souls had dutifully listened to his true will and reassembled her from the bits and pieces they carried within them. "Rei?" He said, looking down at his empty hands. The blue haired embryo was gone. "Thank you for keeping us together," Rei whispered as she wrapped her arms around his back and snuggled against him. At that moment, Shinji knew without a doubt that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the woman he loved. What world didn't matter, not even a fake world. "Rei..." he said softly. He turned around, so that he could look into her eyes. "That word isn't perfect." Rei smiled. "With you by my side, it will be perfect." She stretched her neck and gave Shinji a long kiss. As they shared their love, their skin started to turn to stone. First their legs, then their torsos. They didn't feel any pain or even react to the change, not even when their heads were finally set in stone. And so Shinji and Rei floated beside the stone storyboards, eternally locked in their kiss. Their kiss of eternal love. -E- -V- -A- They reappeared--in the flesh--in world six-six-six where they had left it. Rei pulled her lips away from Shinji's and screamed as they plunged towards the pavement below the Tokyo-3 Mega Tower. "Shinji!! We're going to die!!" Shinji just smiled, knowing his will wouldn't allow that to happen. He hoped. Just has he had willed it, the mattress truck blew a tire just as it was preparing to pull away. The driver swore as he climbed out and kicked the flat tire. He swore louder when two kids fell into the open back and bounced up and down on the mattresses. "What the fuck?" "We're alive!!" Rei exclaimed as her breasts bounced and jiggled under her blouse. Shinji smiled and wrapped his arms around Rei. "Welcome to the rest of our lives." Suddenly, Rei felt a draft. "Oh.... pretty pink panties!!" Shinji and Rei turned their heads to follow a perverted little dwarf bounce away with a pair of pink panties in his grubby little hands. "Shit!!" Shinji started to go after the panty thief, but Rei held him back. "I don't need them," She said seductively, raising the hem of her dress and giving Shinji a peek of heaven. Shinji gulped loudly and leaned towards the forbidden fruit; a cherry in this case. "Hey! Will you two kids get off my truck!" Before he tasted Rei, Shinji looked at the truck driver. "Oops..." "I'll oops you..." The truck driver rolled up his sleeves. Shinji and Rei exchanged a nervous glance, but burst out laughing. Taking Rei's hand in his, Shinji jumped off the truck and fled with the girl he loved in tow. -E- -V- -A- "How did you get that truck to be there? Last time it drove off before we hit the ground," Rei asked after they had lost the trucker in the streets of Tokyo-3, streets that they had become very familiar with while running away from their troubles in the past. Shinji tapped his head. "I willed it." "Wow!! So you can will anything you want?" Shinji shook his head. "I don't think so. Only what I willed as we returned to this world." He looked back the way the had come from. "Like that mattress truck not driving away just before we hit the pavement." "You could try..." Shinji shook his head. "I did... to get your panties back." Rei sighed. "Oh well..." She raised her skirt, revealing her blue bush. "Where were we?" Shinji laughed and reached towards the offered slice of heaven. "Sir, pull your hand away from the pussy and keep your skirt up, miss." Rei looked at the source of the order and swore. "Shit, the cops are still after us!!" She started to run--dropping her skit and disappointing the cop in the process--but Shinji grabbed her hand and stopped her. "We're fugitives from the law, remember?!" she asked, astonished that he had stopped her. Shinji smiled and tapped his head. -E- -V- -A- "You kids shouldn't have run away from home like that. Your mother... mothers had us search everywhere for you after we came over to tell you that the DA dropped the murder charges since the witnesses we interviewed indicated it was self-defense." Rei looked away from the police officer driving the squad car she and Shinji were riding in. "Willpower?" Shinji nodded. "Can't have us running from the law for the rest of our lives, can I?" Rei smiled and leaned towards Shinji. "No, but you could have done something about this other problem we have." Shinji tried to think of what problem she meant, but gave up after the list went into triple digits. "What problem?" Rei pressed her body against Shinji's. "This problem." Shinji didn't see what the problem was. From where he sat, the sensation of Rei's perky breasts pressed against him was a problem he wished he had more often. Then the problem became obvious. "Don't make me use my pepper spray on you." Shinji gulped as realization dawned on him. "Ah... the little problem we had with getting interrupted all the time." Rei nodded. Shinji smiled. "I didn't directly deal with that, but I believe another problem that I did deal with will help negate it." -E- -V- -A- In the Ikari living room, Shinji and Rei sat together, hand in hand. Across from them, sat an angry redhead. Beside Asuka, Hikari and Kensuke tried to keep far enough apart that their animal attraction wasn't obvious. Regardless, Touji did his best not to jump over and pummel Kensuke to death. The fact that he was handcuffed to his heavy chair helped matters immensely. "So, that's the whole story. We hope we can all be friends once the shock of all this dies down and our other personal..." Shinji searched for the right word as he scanned his dearest friends in front of him. One of which still looked like she'd rather castrate him than be friends. It's a good thing Asuka was tied up like Hannibal Lechter at that moment. Apparently, both Asuka and Touji were still a bit miffed at Shinji and Kensuke, respectively. The other three in the room didn't really have a problem with Shinji, save Hikari who still felt bad that he had hurt Asuka so badly. Of course, she had dumped Touji to be with Kensuke, so she wasn't in a position to be mad at Shinji for doing the same thing. "...problems get worked out," Shinji finished. "You sick bastard!! Asuka mumbled through her facemask. "Dumping me for your own twin sister!" Touji nodded. "I have to agree with Big Red, that's really sick, Shinji." Shinji sighed. "Yeah... but we can't live apart." He looked lovingly at Rei. "Well, I think you two look cute together," Hikari said, sliding a little bit away from the bound Asuka instinctively. Kensuke laughed a bit. "I think it's funny you two were found in baskets on the river too." Rei blinked loudly, twice. "Too?" "Yeah, my mom used to joke that she found me floating down the river in a basket." Kensuke chuckled. "She was just joking, of course." Rei looked at Shinji, who tapped his head. A broad smile formed on her face. "What date?" "March 8th." "That's when me and Shinji were found..." Rei raised an eyebrow. "In Hokkaido?" Kensuke nodded. Rei tried not to burst out laughing, but she lost that battle. "What's so funny?" Shinji answered for Rei. "There's a chance that you're her twin brother instead of me." Kensuke's eyes widened. "But my mom was kidding... I'm sure of it." One phone call later... "Damn, what a way to find out you were adopted after being found floating down a sewage filled river," Kensuke muttered with his head buried in his hands. Shinji laughed. "There are worse ways, trust me." He winked at Rei. Hikari snuggled up to Kensuke's side and comforted him. "It'll be okay." Touji strained to pull the handcuff free. "But how can we be sure which one of you is Rei's brother?" Hikari asked. One home paternity test later... Rei jumped onto Shinji and covered him with kisses. "You non-brother stud, take me now!!" Four throats cleared themselves. Rei and Shinji stopped pulling off each other's clothing. They looked at the others and smiled apologetically. "Sorry." Hikari looked at the discarded test sticks. "Why didn't you just get tested before to make sure?" Shinji and Rei looked at each other and slapped the others' head. "D'OH!!" -E- -V- -A- One explanation to their odd assortment of parents later... Ritsuko laughed and gave Kensuke a big hug. "I always knew my son couldn't be a spineless, bedwetting, sex crazed monster like Shinji!!" "Hey!!" Shinji complained. Ritsuko hugged Kensuke even tighter. "I'm so glad to finally find my long lost son after all these years of searching." Kensuke looked a bit stunned and teary eyed as his real mother embraced him for the first time in his life. "Mom..." "Call me 'Mommy'," Ritsuko asked, squeezing tighter. Kensuke started to turn blue. "Mommy, can you... urk... let me... urk... breathe?" "Sorry, Baby." Ritsuko relaxed her scissor-hold on Kensuke's neck and smiled lovingly at her child. Shinji sighed. "Sure, he gets pampered and I get yelled at and tormented by the old hag," he muttered softly. Hearing this, Rei laughed and snuggled against Shinji. "Now we can get married for real." "Oh no you can't!" Rei glared at her mother. "Can too!!" "I don't care if he isn't your bother, he's still a jerk and he's not good enough for my baby girl." Rei glared at her mother. "But he's the father of my baby!!" She put her hand on her stomach. Ritsuko laughed. "We found out you were faking that, remember?" Rei gasped. "Oh yeah..." She looked at Shinji and tapped her head. Shinji shook his head. "Some problems we'll have to work out for ourselves." -E- -V- -A- God's in his heaven, all's right with the new world and world six-six-six might not suck after all... Might. "I really wish it wasn't number six-six-six," God said, his radiance blinding the reader enough that the author doesn't have to describe him. "Why?" "That bastard Lucifer picked that number in the pool." "I see... I hope both those worlds turn out well for Shinji." "He seems to have chosen well." "So why am I here in heaven, sitting at your side?" God laughed. "Where else should my daughter be?" Yui's eyes bugged out and she toppled off the beams off light that made up God's throne. "Daa... daughter?" she gasped, shaking. God nodded. "I sent you to Earth to oversee Third Impact." "But... but I don't recall any of this." "Well... the last time I sent one of my children down with the knowledge of who he was and what I wanted him to do, things didn't work out that well." God smiled lovingly at Yui. "You'd look horrible on a cross." Yui just stared at God in amazement. "But I don't look anything like you." God chuckled, causing his round belly to jiggle. "All that crap about man being made in my image is the fault of that author I hired to write my biography. What a hack! I never once said anything about not coveting your neighbor's wife. And I NEVER let Adam or Eve--especially not Eve--wear fig leaves in MY garden." God looked askew at Yui. Yui gulped. "Sorry, I never knew." "That's okay... you did great. I made you in Man's image so you could guide them through Third Impact." "I see..." "Although, I can't see what you saw in that husband of yours." Yui nodded. "Yes, he did have some faults... some major faults, but if I had know who I was..." God interrupted. "That's why I sent you Earth without the knowledge of who you were. You weren't shaping a world for me, you were shaping it for the next inhabitants of the Earth." "Humans..." "Or one of the other Angels... I can't play favorites in these things. Although..." Yui looked at God. "Although?" "I have to admit, I was cheering for that son of yours." "Your grandson, you mean." "Yes.. yes. He just reminds me of myself when I was that young. The first world I made had nothing but naked female penguins running around in it. No matter what species, there's nothing like a naked woman to get your blood boiling." Yui giggled. "So is that why you moved in with Misato, 'Penpen'?" God laughed, holding his big stomach with his flippers. "I just wanted to keep an eye on things firsthand, that's all." "Huh uh..." God's yellow beak turned bright red as he became embarrassed. "Really. I mean... I did see Misato and Asuka naked a few times, but it was always an accident... really. And well... when Rei and Hikari came over for that sleepover, I sort of... and..." Yui half sighed and half giggled. "And I thought being absorbed into Unit One was the strangest thing that could happen to me." "What do you mean?" "Well, finding out that my dad's a penguin who used to be someone's pet would be bad enough, but to find out he's also a pervert on top of that is just beyond absurd." "I'd have thought that my being God would be the most shocking." Yui shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, that's not that big of a deal." God sighed. "That's what your mother said when I impregnated her." "I wasn't immaculately conceived?" God laughed. "Where's the fun in that?" Yui rolled her eyes. "Pervert." "That's what Mary said too." -E- -V- -A- Once Shinji and Rei reached the age of sixteen, a wedding was taking place at the biggest chapel in Tokyo-3. The bride wore a white dress and the groom a white tuxedo. As they kissed and sealed their vows, the roof caved in a killed them both. At another church across town that wasn't quite as big and had a stronger roof, Rei walked down the aisle in a white dress, smiling from ear to ear. The dress was patterned with lace flowers throughout, revealing just a hint of the slim figure underneath. Her long train was splayed out behind her and glittered like the sun, making her look like an angel to the young man in a black tuxedo that looked nervously at his future bride form the front of the chapel. At one time, we would have had to crush such an angel with his Evangelion, but those days were far behind him. Now he had the joy of his life with the woman he loved to look forward to. Not to mention the honeymoon since two of the conditions of this marriage that Ritsuko had insisted upon was that they'd wait until they were sixteen and wouldn't have sex until they were married. Which is why the story has skipped ahead all those months. What's Garden of Eva without some totally inappropriate sex? Part 2:11 - Nothing Blows or Sucks Anybody's Naughty Bits - The Lost Chapter. Behind Rei, the bridesmaids walked wearing their matching green dresses. Well, except for the bridesmaid of honor, whose dress had quite a bit more cleavage showing than the other two girls. Asuka was still single and unattached, after all. Hikari and that nameless girl from the back of the classroom looked radiant--just not as slutty as Asuka--as they walked down the aisle. As she passed an usher, Hikari blew a kiss at Kensuke and winked. Kensuke blushed, but not from the kiss or the wink; it was in reaction to how beautiful his fiancee looked in the green dress. In the audience, the groom's adoptive mother and father--the later of which was also the bride's father--were seated on the groom's side. On the bride's side, the bride and usher's mother and grandmother sat with Maya in between them to prevent a cat fight. What a spoilsport. Sprinkled in the rest of the pews were friends, family, and classmates; all there to wish Shinji and Rei happiness in their life together. Well, there was at least one person there who would like nothing better to break up the wedding and make Rei and Shinji's lives a living hell. Fortunately for the future couple, he was present only in the form of his ashes. Despite the differences between the 'Hasamoto' of this world and the real Kaworu, Shinji and Rei wanted him to be there, if only in ash form. So they dug up his body and cremated him in their fireplace the night before the wedding. Well, not really, but it might have happened that way. As the bride stepped up to the altar next to Shinji, she smiled. Shinji's knees suddenly gave way and he crashed to the floor, drooling over Rei's polished shoes. "Shinji!" Rei gasped. Soon, the best man rushed to their aid. "Come on, Shinji, don't wuss out now when you're so close to having sex again." Shinji looked up at Touji with weary eyes. "That's why I'm so weak... lack of sex." Touji laughed and helped Shinji to his feet. "Don't give me that bull, you just were stunned by your foxy bride's beauty." Shinji looked at Rei and smiled. "Well, that too." Rei blushed and smiled. "I love you." "Me too." Shinji leaned in to kiss her, but the minister cleared his throat. Looking at the minister and then at the assembled guests, Shinji and Rei blushed. "Sorry." Taking Rei's hand, Shinji stood up straight and faced the minister. "Kids today just can't wait." After hearing that, it started as a twitch. During the minister's opening words, it grew to a tremble. Just before the vows, it erupted into a full out laugh. The minister looked on horrified as first the bride and then the groom broke out laughing. Mostly because of the long months they had waited for the wedding, plus the long millennia they had spent in the theater just 'waiting'. The wait was over. "Sorry," Shinji and Rei said together after their laughs petered out. The old minister glared at the two in front of him and then continued the ceremony. "We are here to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony." He looked at Shinji. "Please recite your vows." Shinji gulped loudly and took his soon-to-be bride's hand. "Rei, when we first met, we were different people." He smiled knowingly. "At least four different people, but I might have lost count somewhere along the way." Rei chuckled softly, but the joke was totally lost on the others in the chapel. And some of the readers who haven't been paying attention were quite bemused, as well. "We've been to hell, a run down theater, paradise, and back again to arrive at this point and I wouldn't change anything for fear of not ending up on this altar with you. The battles with the Angels..." Hikari rolled her eyes and whispered to Asuka. "He's really into the Eva game, isn't he?" Asuka chuckled. Shinji continued. "Our time in the theater..." "Did they ever appear in school plays?" Yui whispered to her husband. Gendou shrugged. "Our time on the run for various nutcases, psychopaths, and law enforcement officers... not necessarily in that order or mutually exclusively." Everyone in the chapel understood that reference. Or thought they did. "We've seen the end of one world, the endless possibilities of others, and the birth of a new world..." There was a general outburst of confused chattering from the people in the chapel as no one could figure that one out. "And now we find ourselves in a not so perfect world about to embark on our lives together." Shinji squeezed her hands tighter. "Whatever the future holds for us, remember that I love you... now and forever, in this world and others, through Fourth Impact and beyond, to the end of time immemorial..." Gendou leaned over and whispered to his wife. "He's getting a little melodramatic, isn't he?" Yui shushed him. "Look who's talking, Mr. 'get it over with so we can get naked already'." Gendou gulped. "Sorry about that." "...nothing will ever part us. I love you." Rei smiled. "I love you too." The minister looked at Rei. Rei smiled devilishly. "Ditto." Shinji fell down in shock. After helping him back up, Rei started her real vows. "Shinji, when we met I was but an empty shell. Just a tool for a madman's schemes." Both Rei and Shinji subconsciously glanced at Gendou. "But without that scheming, we would not have ended up here." Rei took a deep breath. "You are my friend, my creator, my lover. You completed me like no one else could have. Half of me will forever be a figment of your imagination. The other half will forever be a part of your soul." She smiled broadly. "Together, *WE* will belong to your heart; now and forever, in this world and the next, till the end of eternity. I love you." The minister wiped a tear out of his eye. "That was so beautiful... the parts I understood, at least." Shinji and Rei chuckled. Sniffling, the minister continued the ceremony. "Is there anyone present who knows of any reason why these two people should not be wed? If so, speak now or forever hold your doubts." Everyone in the chapel looked at Asuka. "What?!" Asuka growled, looking like a cornered cat about to rip everyone's faces off. "I'm happy for Rei and can't stand the little wuss anymore." Rei and Shinji both silently mouthed 'thank you' and turned back towards the minister. "Then, since there are no objections, I now..." the minister said before being interrupted. "Sorry, we're late!" Everyone looked towards the back of the church to see Misato and Kaji walk in, looking like they just drove through a car wash in a convertible with the top down. Since it wasn't raining outside that was exactly what happened. "I told you to turn RIGHT in front of the car wash, stupid!" Misato snapped. Shinji laughed until he noticed Misato's huge stomach. "Oh, crap!! I forgot to will away the possibility that I was the father of Misato's child!" There are worse things to shout out on the altar just before you were about to be pronounced man and wife, but not many. "You forgot to make sure that you weren't the father? You fucking idiot!!" Rei snapped, losing her chance at the world's most eloquent bride award. Kensuke's eyes were wide open. "Oh, crap!! It could be mine too!" Hikari's eyes narrowed. "What?!" Kensuke gulped. "Well... it was... kind of...um... she was drunk!" "And what's your excuse?" Hikari asked, sharpening the ACME castration kit that someone had given Rei as a joke--probably--present at her bridal shower. That someone was Rei's mother, of course. When Asuka had volunteered--more like begged--to use it on the groom, Hikari had decided to hang onto it for safekeeping. "Um... I'm a teenager with rampaging hormones?" Hikari suddenly smiled. "Oh, yeah... okay, I forgive you." "Crap... I can't believe both of you bagged Misato and I didn't!!" Touji was suddenly in intense pain as all the women in the chapel kicked him repeatedly, including the bride and the future mother of a child with a still undetermined father. -E- -V- -A- "God damn!!" God looked at Yui. "Don't take my name in vain, daughter." Yui bowed her head. "Sorry, Father, but I was just distressed at this turn of events. They don't deserve this after all they've been through." She looked at the viewpoint they had opened so that she could see her son get married. God shook his beak. "I'm sorry, but that is a world of his own making. I cannot alter it. His will, and his will alone was responsible for the structure of that world." "But you must be able to do something." God shook his beak. "But..." "I'm sorry, but he must live with the past actions of both Shinji's that currently make up his mind." Yui looked back at the viewpoint, sadness filling her eyes. "Shinji..." "He is wi...' God suddenly sniffled and then sneezed, covering Yui's face with snot. "Sorry." Pulling out a handkerchief from one of the pockets of the tuxedo he was wearing, he blew his nose and finally made the connection to this part's title. "That's okay." "It's that darn Lucifer again... intentionally turning the heat down in hell to make Heaven colder than it should be." God sighed. "I shouldn't have cut corners when I built Heaven and put in a separate heating system instead of sharing it with Hell." Yui didn't know what to say. God was about to put the handkerchief into the pocket of the tuxedo he was wearing when he noticed something glowing in the snot. "Oops..." "What's wrong?" God poked the end of his flipper into the snot and extracted a small glowing piece of dust, no bigger than the head of a pin. "I accidentally blew out Shinji's world six-six-six," he explained as he shoved his flipper--that had world six-six-six perched precariously on the end--up his right nostril. Yui's mouth gaped open. "You keep it up your nose?" God looked oddly at Yui. "Where else should I keep it?" Yui was at a loss to think up an answer to that. "Well... I guess since it's not a real world, it's okay." God laughed and dug into his left nostril. Pulling out the flipper, a yellow speck was on the end. "I keep the real universes in my left nostril." Yui fell backwards and off the throne in shock. God pointed at the glowing speck. "That's the universe with the real Earth in it." "I can't believe the universe lives inside God's nose." Yui stretched her neck and looked up God's huge honker. God laughed. "No more up there now. Although, I do keep a couple other universes in the pockets of my tuxedo for safe keeping. Yui laughed. "Pocket universes, huh?" God nodded. "Of course." [End - Garden of EVA 2:666 - God Blows His Nose!] ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: I *SWEAR* to Penpen that the next part--"End of the Garden of EVA (really)"--will be the real and completely final ending to this series. Honest. With a name like that, it has to be the real ending, right? Probably. I had really intended to finish up in this part, but it ran a bit longer than I thought it would and couldn't resist one last cliffhanger like that. Sorry. Portions of this part were written while waiting on the tarmac in Boston during a Penpen-dammed United flight (flying the friendly skies is great... if they can actually get you INTO the skies), flying over the Atlantic, in the United Kingdom, and flying over Belgium. I'd like to thank my pre-readers Michael A. Chase, Olesh Hotra, Rebeka Thomas, Thomas C. Kinnen, and David Johnston for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML member Michael Bartosh was also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft began (April 11th, 2001) Revision 0.1 - Partial draft to prereaders (May 23, 2001) Revision 0.2 - Initial draft completed (June 20, 2001 while flying over Belgium) Revision 0.3 - Pre-reader draft (July 1, 2001) Revision 0.4 - FFML draft (July 13, 2001) Revision 1.0 - Final version (July 22, 2001) Revision 1.1 - First RAAC posting (August 4, 2001)