From: Jim Lazar Subject: [Eva][FanFic][Lime] Garden of EVA 2:8 - Shinji's Perfect World Blows! X-Moderation-Queue-Date: Wed, 03 Jan 2001 19:14:54 -0800 ======================================================================= Garden of EVA 2:8 - Shinji's Perfect World Blows! Book 2: Blows Neon Genesis Evangelion characters and situations created and Copyright by Gainax, Project Eva, ADV Films - Used without permission Garden of EVA series created, written, and copyright 1998-2000 by Jim Lazar A series set within episode 26 of Neon Genesis Evangelion that will blow your mind. "Speech text in double quotes is spoken as Japanese." E-mail comments and/or criticisms to: mailto:jimlazar@animeprime.com Previous parts and my other fanfiction can be found at: http://www.animeprime.com/ff/geva ======================================================================= Nothing bad, disturbing, or disgusting in this part.... yeah, right. Expect sex, blood, and bitch fights. Then expect the unexpected to blow worse than anything has ever blown before. ======================================================================= Shinji's perfect world according to Shinji: It bites, sucks and blows!! I want to destroy it and all memory of it!! -E- -V- -A- "Hi, Sis, what's up?" Shinji asked, looking up from the video game he was playing. On the television screen, a big purple robot was dissecting some kind of redheaded monster. A short, blue-haired girl bounced into the room. "That cute boy finally asked me out!" Shinji smiled. "I'm amazed he had the nerve." "Why?" "All the boys think you're weird." Rei frowned. "Why?" "Because you have sex with your brother and run around naked." Rei looked down at her naked body. "Is that wrong?" she asked, squeezing her breasts. Shinji shrugged and started hacking apart a monster with a mustache-less beard. "I don't think Touji sleeps with his little sister." "Well, I'm your older sister." "Only by a few minutes!!" Shinji insisted. He was distracted just long enough for the monster to slice off his second favorite appendage. That being the arm that he used to have fun with his most favorite appendage. "Not that again..." Rei sighed. "I'm sorry I elbowed you on my way out of Mom's uterus, okay?" Shinji didn't look away from his video game. "That didn't sound very convincing." "Whatever..." Rei smirked. "Anyway... your age isn't the problem. Most siblings don't have sex." "Except in Arkansas." Shinji sighed. "Actually, West Virginia has more instances of recorded incest." "Whatever," Rei replied, rolling her eyes. "I didn't see you complaining last night when we did it in the attic." "Well... um- if you'd have turned on the lights, you'd have seen me complaining!!" Rei smirked. "Or the day before in the laundry room." "Well... if you'd have looked up from my penis, you would have seen me complaining!!" "Or in front of class last week for sex-ed class." "Well... I didn't want to flunk- ack!!" Shinji screamed as Rei sat down on top of his joystick, which was made out of solid oak. And it was getting more solid every time Rei bounced up and down on it. Why was Shinji playing a video game in the nude, you ask? Don't ask, just imagine a naked Rei bouncing up and down on top of you and enjoy. Female readers can picture themselves bouncing up and down on top of the male stud of their choice or they can just keep the Rei image if they swing that way. And to cover all bases, males that swing that way can picture themselves on top of Shinji's oak joystick, but please don't send pictures (mental or physical) of such activities to the author. Then the worst thing that could happen to a brother and sister who were fu... um... engaged in sexual intercourse happened. Their mother walked in. "Hi, Mom," Rei said as she arched her back. Shinji just grunted as his seed flowed into his sister. "When you two are done can you take out the garbage?" Shinji mumbled something. "What was that?" Yui asked her son with his dick in her daughter's vagina. Of course, Shinji was her only son, so qualifying that he was the one with his dick in her daughter's vagina is pretty much unnecessary and is only included to make it perfectly clear that Shinji's penis was thrust far into Rei's hot, dripping wet vagina. "Nothing..." Rei smiled. "It's okay, we're done here anyway," she said as she stood up, letting Shinji's oak tree drop to the forest floor. "Man, you'd think I could screw my sister without being interrupted all the time!!" Shinji complained as he went back to his video game. "Shinji," Yui said, glaring at her son who had just ran his oak tree up her daughter's sawmill. Shinji gulped. "Okay... okay... I'll take the trash out." He stood up and walked out of the room. "Good boy." A minute later, shocked cries were heard outside. Yui shook her head sadly. "He forgot to get dressed again." Rei smiled. "It's okay... it makes it easier for me to get him to fuck me." "Yes, I guess it would." She sighed. "I wish I could get your father to fuck me, but he's always at work with his boss." "How is Mrs. Akagi?" "Your father says she's great." -E- -V- -A- Shinji sat bolt upright in his bed and looked around. "Oh... thank goodness, it was all a dream." "Shinji, get dressed. Your birth mother and the sister that you've been having sex with are here." Shinji cringed at hearing his mother's voice. "Guess that dream was better than reality." It took three point one four seconds for Shinji to realize that he wasn't in a real world. In fact, he wasn't sure what was real anymore. He got up and looked into the mirror over the dresser. "Is this world real?" He touched his cheek. "Am I real?" A hand reached into his shorts and grabbed his penis. "Feels real to me." Shinji spun around and gasped. "Rei!" Rei smiled. "Morning." Shinji smiled nervously. "Morning." One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. In all, ten seconds went by before Shinji spoke. "Um... are you going to take your hand out of my shorts?" Rei cocked her head and squeezed Shinji's cock. "Why? You got your bandages off, so..." Shinji's mouth opened, but no words came out of it. That probably had to do with what Rei was currently doing inside his shorts. "Uhhhhhh..." Rei smiled. Shinji finally realized why he shouldn't let Rei do what she was doing in his shorts. "Rei, I'm your brother!!" "Yeah, whatever. Half or full, I still love you." "Well... um... erk!!" Shinji's eyes rolled back into his head and dropped into his shorts. They knocked against his balls and made a thunderous clang. Stimulated by this, his oak tree made its appearance through the opening in his shorts and spurted his seed across the room, nailing his birth mother in the eye. His other self's birth mother, that is. "Of all the kids in the world I had to have, I have to have two that can't stop having sex with each other for five minutes!!" "Hey, I haven't seen him since last night!!" Ritsuko sighed and wiped the cum out of her eye. "Ten horrible minutes in bed with a jackass and now I'm stuck with a son and a daughter who can't keep from fucking each other at the drop of... anything." "It's because we love each other!!" Rei said, snuggling up to Shinji's side. "Love is more than sex!!" "You're one to talk! Ms. Wham, bamm, thank you for knocking me up, I'll see you in fifteen years to totally destroy our twins only hope for happiness!" "Take that back!!" Shinji got between his birth mother and fraternal twin. "Now, now, girls, let's not fight." The glare the two women gave him caused his oak tree to turn into an acorn and bury itself deep in his forest. -E- -V- -A- Plan A: "We all move into a big house together." "Do I get to have sex with you, Ritsuko?" Gendou asked. Ritsuko opened her mouth to speak, but Yui answered first in the form of a frying pan to Gendou's skull. -E- -V- -A- Plan B: "We all move into a big house together. Gendou only gets to have sex with Yui-" "When I feel like it," Yui interjected. Ritsuko nodded. "-when she feels like it. I only have sex with Maya. Rei and Shinji don't have sex with anyone, especially each other." "Hey!!" Rei and Shinji jumped to their feet and objected to plan B. -E- -V- -A- Plan C: "We all move into a big house together. Gendou only gets to have sex with Yui when she feels like it. I only have sex with Maya. Rei and Shinji can have sex under my strict supervision." "Hey!!" Rei and Shinji jumped to their feet and objected to plan C. "You like to watch that sort of thing?" Yui asked Ritsuko. Ritsuko blushed. "No! I... um... just want to make sure my daughter isn't hurt by my son's huge penis." Yui nodded. "Yes, I can see why you'd be concerned." She looked at her adoptive son. "He is hung like a stallion." "Mom!!" -E- -V- -A- Plan D: "We all move into a big house together. Gendou only gets to have sex with Yui when she feels like it. I only have sex with Maya. Rei and Shinji can have sex, but Shinji has to be castrated." "Hey!!" Rei, Shinji, and Gendou jumped to their feet and objected to plan D. -E- -V- -A- Plan E: "We all move into a big house together. Gendou only gets to have sex with Yui when she feels like it. I only have sex with Maya. Rei and Shinji can have sex, but they can't get married or have kids." Yui frowned. "I always wanted grandchildren." Ritsuko thought for a moment. "Since Shinji isn't your real son, he can get you pregnant and you can call the kid your grandchild." "Hey!!" Rei jumped to her feet and objected to plan E. She glared at her partner in incest. Shinji hesitated just a bit before he objected. "No way!" Yui considered it before shaking her head. "I wouldn't feel right having someone who sucked my breasts be the father of my child and/or grandchild." Gendou grumbled something about never getting to suck his wife's breasts. "You're not a baby, dear, so don't act like one." -E- -V- -A- Plan F: "We all move into a big house together. Gendou only gets to have sex with Yui when she feels like it. I only have sex with Maya. Rei and Shinji can have sex if Shinji gets a vasectomy." "Hey!!" Rei and Shinji jumped to their feet and objected to plan F. "What?" "No touching the oak tree with any surgical instruments!" Rei insisted. "Oak tree?" Ritsuko asked, puzzled. She sighed. "That's why I'm a lesbian now... all these stupid nicknames for a guy's cock that you have to remember. At least a woman's vagina only has a few nicknames." To prove her wrong, the others in the room started listing the better-known ones. "Beaver." "Cum target." "Cunt." "Honey pot." "Oak tree planter." "Snatch." "Slot A." "Taco." "Clams." "Warm slurpee." "Ugly." "Vagina." "That's its real name, Shinji." "Oh..." "Black hole of love." Yui shook her head sadly when her husband used his usual term for her vagina. "Why did I ever marry this jerk?" -E- -V- -A- Plan Z-triple X-BL-0-W5: "We all move into a three town houses in the same complex. Yui and Gendou in one. Maya and me in another. My mom in a old bat's home." Ritsuko paused and made sure her mother was still in the bathroom, then continued. "And Shinji and Rei in the third, but chained up so their privates can't touch each other." "Hey, that's not what we agreed!!" Shinji jumped up. "Yeah!!" Rei jumped up next to Shinji. "He gets to take the chain off at least once a week or there's no deal!!" Ritsuko sighed and crumpled up the latest plan and tossed it onto the waist deep pile that surrounded them all. Impeded by the accumulated garbage, Rei sat at arm's length from Shinji. She couldn't reach any part of him with her hand, but her foot was another matter. Shinji tried to keep a straight face as Rei's foot shellacked his oak tree. "Shinji, do you need to go to the bathroom?" Yui asked, noticing the constipated look on his face. "No!" Shinji squeaked in a high-pitched voice. -E- -V- -A- After the 'how to keep our unhappy families together without one of us strangling another member of that new unified family' negotiations had broken down for the second day in a row, Shinji lay in his bed and looked up at the ceiling. "Maybe we shouldn't have tried to emulate that old anime show." Rei sighed. "Yeah... who's idea was it?" "My mom... err... my adoptive mother. She swore that it worked for two families that swapped parents in Marmalade Boy, so the same thing should work for us." "If only our lives were as simple as an anime show." "Yeah..." Shinji sighed. "Maybe we should just run away together." "That didn't work out so well the first time," Rei reminded him, reaching for his hand. Shinji thought back. "Oh, yeah..." "At least they are still talking." "Yeah." "I expected my mom and grandmother to forbid us to ever see each other again." "Yeah." "I hope we can come to an agreement soon, I miss touching you." Shinji gulped. "Yeah... um... me too." He stretched his leg to get a half-centimeter closer to Rei. The chain around Rei's ankle rattled as she reached and touched the tip of Shinji's outstretched finger. "They don't trust us, do they?" Shinji looked down at the chain on his ankle and then at the similar chain on Rei, which were keeping them from getting any closer to each other. "No, I guess they don't." -E- -V- -A- "At least that fucker can't touch my Rei!!" Shinji yelled at the viewpoint. "You could get back at him by having sex with me," Asuka suggested as she rubbed her fig leaves against Shinji's naked chest. Shinji sighed. "Why do you keep suggesting that!!" He pushed her away and tugged at his oak leaf covering his oak tree and acorns. "It's not like we can get these leaves off!" Asuka harrumphed and tugged on her fig leaves for the millionth time. "You ever hear of foreplay, you dork?!" "Foreplay?" Shinji thought. "Is that when Rei puts the condom on?" Asuka shook her head sadly. "Such a boring little sex partner." "Yeah, like you would know!" "I would." Asuka grinned. "I've had sex with our Shinji many times." "That's not what you said before." Asuka swore. "Or Rei said." Asuka swore again. "Or Misato... or my... err.. that other Shinji's mother." "Okay already!!" Asuka snapped and stormed away. "All I want is a little sex, is that too much to ask?!" She dropped down into a corner and started to leaferbate. Don't know what that is? Just imagine your erogenous zones are permanently covered by fig leaves and you'll get the picture of what Asuka is doing. -E- -V- -A- Two weeks earlier, a teacher had interrupted Touji's attempt to beat Kensuke into a bloody pulp. After searching high and low for Kensuke since then, Touji had finally tracked down the boy who had once been his best friend. Now, Touji only saw him as the boy who had stolen his girl from him. There was only one way he knew to respond to such a betrayal: with violence. "I'll teach you to steal my woman from me!!" he yelled as his fist impacted Kensuke's already bloody face. "Touji, please stop!!" Hikari pleaded, trying to get between Kensuke and Touji. Touji reached around Hikari and landed another fierce hit to Kensuke's face. "Stay out of this, it doesn't concern you!!" Hikari flinched. "How can this not concern me? You're beating up the boy I love!!" "You love me!!" Hikari's muscles tensed. "No, I'm sorry, but I love Kensuke now." Touji stopped his latest swing and looked at Hikari. "You're just saying that because I hit on Sana." Hikari shock her head. "No..." "Ami?" Hikari shook her head. "Fumi?" Hikari shook her head. "Miki?" Hikari realized that she had made the right choice. "You jerk!!" Left hook followed by a right jab. Touji gasped and crumpled to the ground. "Wh... what?" Leaving the gasping Touji on the ground, Hikari rushed to Kensuke's side. "That's why I can't stand being your girlfriend!!" She ripped off a piece of her skirt, moistened it with her tears, and dabbed it onto Kensuke's bruised and bloodied face. "No matter what you say, you're always leering at other girls, always chatting them up, and always being a two timing jerk!!" Touji shook with rage. "How can you dump me for this... this... this traitor!!" Hikari opened her mouth to protest, but Kensuke spoke first. "Touji... I'm sorry, I tried to fight my feelings for her, but... but... I fell in love and couldn't fight them any longer." Hikari smiled. Touji clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly as he tried to figure out what to do. His final solution was--to say the least--unusual, not to mention bloody. But then so was everything in the world he lived in, so it fit right in. If it had some unbridled sex, it'd be even more normal for his world. -E- -V- -A- Hikari gasped and clutched her chest when she saw Kensuke's arm get severed. "Oh no!!" Asuka put her arm around her friend and tried to reassure her. "Don't worry... he'll be okay." A loud clang rang out as Touji deflected Kensuke's latest sword swing. "Chop Touji's legs off, Kensuke!!" Hikari yelled at her boyfriend. "Don't say that!!" Hearing the shout, Hikari looked behind her and saw Shinji and Rei walking up to them. "Why?" "That isn't something I want... to see again..." Shinji shuddered. Asuka briefly stopped glaring at Rei in order to glance at Shinji. "It's just a game, Shinji." Hikari glanced at Asuka. "It's not a game... it's my love life." "Your love life is pretty bloody," Asuka remarked as she looked at the video monitors just in time to see the brown Eva hack what looked like a liver out of a black Eva. "Ha! Kensuke's got Touji's liver!!" Hikari snapped her eyes back the screens. "Alright!! Gut that bastard, you stud!" She looked back at Asuka. "At least this is better than watching Touji really beat up my sweet Kensuke." Asuka smiled. "I still can't believe that you and Kensuke are in love. Who'd in their right mind would've thought you two could be a couple?" "Maybe I wasn't sane when I thought this world up..." Shinji muttered. "What was that?" Asuka asked. Shinji gulped. "Never mind." "This is certainly an interesting way to decide who's going to be your boyfriend," Rei remarked, as Touji activated his jump jets to avoid having his Eva's legs amputated. "It isn't... I've already decided on Kensuke." Hikari winced as Touji started hitting Kensuke with a large mutated sea bass. "This game is to allow Touji to accept it." Asuka looked skeptically at her friend. "Do you really think playing this game will change Touji's desire for you?" "Probably not... but I believe Touji will do the right thing in the end. Otherwise, I'd have fled to Osaka-2 with Kensuke." Rei shook her head. "Trust me, that may not be a good idea." She squeezed Shinji's hand. Asuka looked back at the monitors and cringed when Touji swung upwards with his poleaxe, driving the blade deep into the groin of Kensuke's Unit Ten. "I hope you're right." Hikari cringed. "Thank goodness this is just a game." Unseen by the others, Shinji trembled as he remembered his real battles within Unit One. And they were anything but a game. -E- -V- -A- With the sharp end of the poleaxe still embedded in his groin, Kensuke lashed out at Touji with his right arm blade, but found that he couldn't reach the black Eva that was holding onto the other end of the poleaxe. "Sorry to have to do this to another guy, but..." Grinning from ear to ear, Touji twisted the poleaxe. Kensuke's Unit Ten howled in pain just as it was programmed to do whenever a sharp object impaled its groin. For whatever reason, the Eva's all had various programmed responses to groin impalement and penis mutilation. Rei knew the reason all to well; her grandmother hated men. Not to mention she was as crazy as a Japanese anime director. Kensuke didn't feel the poleaxe himself, but he winced in pain as he saw his Eva's large penis fall off and crush a tanker truck parked underneath him in the city landscape they had chosen for the battle. Seeing the tanker start to smoke, Kensuke grinned as a plan formed in his mind. Touji pushed on his poleaxe again, shoving it deeper into Kensuke's groin. He was so preoccupied with his impending win that he missed seeing Kensuke kick the tanker truck. He did see it when it crashed into his Eva's face and exploded. "Crap!!" Kensuke felt the poleaxe being released and watched Unit Three stumble backwards, its upper body engulfed in flames. Reaching forward he tried to pull the poleaxe out of his groin, but couldn't. "Uh oh..." he gasped as he saw Unit Three stumble forward, still operational despite half of its head being blown off along with its left arm. The charred remains of its still burning flesh hung precariously on its skeleton. Touji's eyes burned with rage. "Throw a tanker truck at me, will you!!" He wrestled with his controls, trying to adjust for the loss of one of his monitors and extensive damage to the control systems. Seeing the ghastly remains of Touji's Eva stumbling towards him, Kensuke snapped the poleaxe in half. Leaving half of the pokeaxe's shaft imbedded in his groin, he ran forward and pointed the other half of the large wooden shaft at Touji. "Take this!!" Touji tried to dodge Kensuke's shaft, but couldn't get out of the way and he found himself with Kensuke's shaft thrust up his anal discharge port. His ass, in other words. "Arghhhh..." "How do you like that, bitch!!" In the briefing room, Hikari's eyes went wide. "Kensuke really gets over-excited when he plays this game." Asuka smirked. "Or he just likes ramming his shaft up another guy's..." Hikari, Rei, and Shinji all slapped their hands over the redhead's mouth. A bright light caused Hikari to look away from Asuka at the screens. "His S2 engine exploded." Asuka mumbled something incoherent. Shinji didn't know it, but he was about to say exactly what Asuka was trying to say, but wasn't able to with her mouth covered. "It's a tie game." Hikari sighed. "That's the third tie today. Plus six in yesterday's matches." Rei's eyes went wide. "Really?" Hikari nodded. "That's very unusual, ties are very rare in Eva." "What about tuxedoes?" Shinji asked, smiling. The three girls started to laugh. -E- -V- -A- "What a lame joke!!" Shinji blurted and looked away from the viewpoint. Asuka smiled and stopped pulling on Shinji's oak leaf. "Yeah, Shinji always told lame jokes." Shinji shook his head sadly. "See, I knew he couldn't be the real me. *I* never tell lame jokes!" Asuka smiled and sat down on the theater floor. "Okay, tell me a joke." Shinji gulped loudly. -E- -V- -A- "What a lame joke!" Asuka said for the hundredth time after Shinji told his hundredth lame joke. Rei, on the other hand, was rolling around on the theater floor laughing her ass off. Well, not literally, since her ass was still attached to her firm teenage body. Shinji was blushing either in embarrassment at telling such awful jokes or because of how incredibly sexy Rei looked rolling around in front of him with nothing but her three fig leafs on. "Well.. well.. it's because... um... you just..." He glanced at Rei again, causing his oak leaf to bulge. "Um... Rei likes my jokes." "Well, she just doesn't know any better." Asuka looked around. "Now if Misato or your mother would laugh..." One more joke later, three women were roiling around on the floor laughing their asses off. Shinji looked over at Asuka and smirked. "Oh, shut the fuck up, you jerk!!" -E- -V- -A- "Oh, shut the fuck up, you jerk!!" Touji cringed and backed away from the angry redhead who had greeted him when he walked into the Eva center's briefing room. "What? All I said was that I'd get the 'slimeball bastard that stabbed me in the back and stole my babe from me' next time." Asuka took a step towards Touji and seemed to tower over him. "Stop treating Hikari like some kind of prize!!" "I'm not!" Touji retorted, glaring back at Asuka. "I'm just trying to win her back from my former best friend!" "You can't," Hikari said softly. Touji and Asuka looked at Hikari, who was standing next to the monitors. "But, honey..." Touji pleaded, walking past Asuka towards Hikari. He doubled over a second later when a knee was applied to his family jewels with intent to neuter. Hikari walked over and put a hand on Asuka's shoulder. "That's okay, Asuka. I appreciate the thought, but this is my problem." "No... it's mine," Shinji whispered to himself. Asuka lowered her leg, but continued glaring at Touji. "I don't know what you ever saw in this guy." Hikari looked down at the moaning figure on the floor. "I still see it in him, but it's not enough any longer." Asuka bent down and tried to see any redeeming feature in Touji. "So what is it?" she asked, when she couldn't find any trace of it. "He's a caring and compassionate person in his heart," Hikari said longingly, wishing that Touji showed his compassionate side more often. "Wow, nice rack." Asuka slapped her hand over her blouse to cut off Touji's view of her dangling breasts and then gave him a second helping of her knee. Touji screamed in pain again. "What did I say?!" Hikari sighed and rolled her eyes. "And that's why I dumped him." "Sorry..." Kensuke said sheepishly as he stepped over his rival for Hikari's heart. And her lips. And her breasts. And her... well... you get the picture. Hikari smiled at Kensuke. "That's okay, you did your best." -E- -V- -A- After the tenth tie of the day, Hikari sobbed into Touji's chest. "Please stop this... it's pointless to continue playing these games." Touji straightened up and flicked his head back. "No... for your love, I must battle." The large videowall behind him replayed his last battle with Kensuke, right up to the point when the two Evas started humping each other. Asuka took a picture of Touji standing in his heroic pose in front of the graphic Eva sex scene. "That'd sound a whole lot more convincing if you weren't humping Kensuke's Eva behind you." Touji spun around and cringed at seeing the image of the black Eva humping the white Eva. "Crap!! Hey, it's not my fault my Eva's penis got stuck in his butt armor!!" "Well, who would have thought-" Asuka started to say as the white Eva exploded, taking the black Eva with it. "-that the Evas self-destruct when you shove a dick up th... mhphhhh..." Shinji, Kensuke, and Rei's hands quickly silenced her. Kensuke looked at Hikari and smiled awkwardly. "Sorry, honey." "Don't you call her honey!" Touji shouted. "He's got every right to call me honey!" Hikari retorted and slipped away from Touji and ran into Kensuke's arms. "It's okay, I know you're doing your best." "I will win your love..." Hikari smiled and kissed Kensuke's lips gently. "You already have." "Let's get the next game going already," Touji muttered and started towards the entry plugs. Rei looked over at Touji after having released Asuka's potty mouth. "Are you going to fight to win this time?" Touji stopped in his tracks and looked back at Rei. "What are you talking about?" Rei smiled slightly. "After all the times we've played together I know your style pretty well." Hikari looked between Touji and Rei. "What are you saying?" "He's intentionally causing ties." Everyone looked at Touji. "Not a chance, Wondertramp," Asuka said, chuckling. "His over inflated male ego would never let him throw a fight." "Yeah!" Touji agreed, not realizing he'd just insulted himself. Kensuke frowned. "I... I thought he held back a killing blow a couple times, but... but..." Hikari took a step towards Touji. "Why?" "She doesn't know what she's talking about!" Touji insisted. "My grandmother made this game and I've played every Eva available." "So?" "The unit three Eva isn't gay and has built in restrictions about trusting its dick up another Eva's hmpppphhh..." This time, Asuka slapped her hands over Rei's potty mouth. "So Touji is throwing the games?" "No!!" Touji insisted. Rei nodded. "But if that's true... why are you just causing ties?" Hikari asked Touji. Touji let out a long sigh and turned away from the others. "I didn't want to win you in a game." Hikari gasped. "I wanted to draw out these matches until you got over this crush you have on Kensuke." "Touji..." Hikari whispered, clutching her chest. "It's not a crush." Touji looked around and stared at Shinji. "How would you know?" Shinji sighed. "I just know. I've been in this position before and-" His eyes looked over at Rei and Asuka. "-I know how painful it can be to let go." He looked back at Touji. "Sometimes it's as hard to give up on one love-" He glanced at Asuka and then at Rei. "-for an... err... in hopes that she can be happy with another man." "Screw that!" Asuka shut her open mouth when the male voice came out instead of her own voice. She looked back at Touji. Touji glared at Shinji. "You have no idea how I feel. You had two girls to choose from, I... I..." Although he tried to hide them, tears started too pool in Touji's weary eyes. "I only had my sweet Hikari." "Oh, Touji..." Hikari said softly as she walked over to Touji. "I'm sorry to have hurt you, but..." She pulled him into a hug. "We just can't be a couple anymore. I'm sorry." "You... you're the only girl that understood me." "I'm the only girl that could put up with you chasing anything with breasts," Hikari translated Touji's statement. "You always were there for me." "I was always there when you got rejected by another girl." "You gave me warmth in a cold world." "I'm the only girl that will press my hot body against yours." "I'm pond scum, aren't I?" Hikari smiled and squeezed her arm tighter around Touji. "That one you got right. I'm sorry." "I'm sorry, Hikari... I had a chance and I blew it." Hikari looked back at Asuka. "See? This is his compassionate side." Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "Who'd have thunk it." -E- -V- -A- "Oh, shut the fuck up, you jerk!!" Shinji stumbled away from the angry redhead. "Huh? Wha... what's the matter?" He looked around, wishing he hadn't agreed to walk her home after the 'Boyfriend Eva Challenge' ended when Touji finally gave up on Hikari. Asuka sneered. "You say that after coming here with that... that..." She tried to think of an appropriate term, but couldn't narrow it down to a single expletive. "...you know!!" Shinji glared at Asuka. "Don't you talk about Rei that way!!" "It's bad enough you dumped me for her, but to show up to Hikari's boyfriend battle with her is just so... so..." Shinji slapped Asuka. Hard. Hard enough to cause those in the theater to drop what they were doing and look at the viewpoint. The balls that Asuka had been juggling dropped down onto Shinji's lap and then rolled across the theater floor. "Ouch!!" Shinji yelled as he rubbed his sore balls. Why was Asuka juggling bowling balls over Shinji's groin? Don't ask; it's a very long and pointless story. Back in Shinji's not so perfect world, Asuka put her hand to her cheek. "You bastard!!" "You tell him, girl!!" the other Asuka shouted at the viewpoint. "I know you're upset that I chose Rei over you, but you've got to get over it," Shinji said softly. Asuka clenched her fists. "Why should I?!" "Because you're my friend and I'd like you to stay a friend." "Some friend... leading me on like that." Asuka looked away. "I'm sorry. I should have told you how I felt before..." "Before what?" Shinji looked up at the night sky. "I do love you Asuka..." Both Asukas' hearts skipped a beat. "...but we missed our chance at love. I'm sorry." Shinji looked at Asuka, a pained look on his face. "There's no way to go back, we just have to accept the cards we have been dealt." "Accept it?!" Asuka bellowed. "That's bullcrap. If you want something, you have go get it!" Shinji nodded. "I agree." Asuka looked hopeful until Shinji continued. "When did you ever try to get me?" he asked, repeating a conversation he once had in the theater with the other Asuka. "Well..." Asuka thought furiously. "I... well... It's the boy's responsibility to make the first move!!" "That's not the Asuka I know talking." Shinji slipped his hand up and touched the cheek he had slapped. "We were both afraid to take a chance at getting hurt, so in the end we went down different paths." He felt a tear splash against his hand, uncertain if it was his or not. "I'm sorry Asuka." "No..." Asuka hissed, denying what her mind was telling her. Shinji leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, Asuka." In the theater, Asuka tried to hold back her own tears. "Shinji... you... you..." she mumbled, as her tears splashed across the floor. Somehow, Shinji managed to look in exactly the right direction to meet Asuka's eyes through the theater's viewpoint. "I'm sorry to you too, Asuka." "Shinji..." Asuka muttered, clutching her chest right between her fig leafs. Asuka looked angrily at Shinji. "Huh?" Shinji gulped and looked back at the Asuka in his not-so-perfect world. "Um... I'm just really sorry." Asuka stared at Shinji for several seconds before speaking again. "Shinji... you've changed." "No, deep down, your Shinji is a part of me." Shinji looked around the deserted street there were on. "All of this is a part of me. The buildings." He looked up at Asuka. "The people." He bent down and picked some blades of grass from beside the sidewalk. "Even the smallest blade of grass is all my doing." Asuka stared wide-eyed at Shinji. "Boy, have you changed." She spun around. "Well, I'm not interested in a boy who's obviously insane." She started to walk towards her apartment building. "I'll see you around... I guess." She wiped a tear out of her eye just before she turned the corner. "I am sorry, Asuka." Shinji looked around. "I'm sorry for this... this... world of sadness I created." Suddenly, a pair of hands came out of nowhere and covered Shinji's eyes. "The world isn't sad unless you let it be sad." A pair of breasts suddenly were pressed into Shinji's back. "Rei?" Very familiar breasts apparently. "Yeah... I wanted to make sure Asuka didn't ream you a new one." Shinji's anus tightened. "It's still sore enough from the bullet wound, thank you." Rei giggled. "Do you think she'll be alright?" she asked as she removed her hands. "Maybe." Shinji looked through the unseen viewpoint again. "I hope so." He looked at Rei as she snuggled up to his side. "What made you suspect Asuka was up to something when she wanted to walk home with me?" he asked, trying to hide his own embarrassment at not realizing it was a setup. "I wasn't sure she was as forgiving as she seemed when we all ate lunch. There was something about she kept throwing knives at that old oak tree in the food court." Shinji nodded. "Yeah, I guess it'll take time for her to get over what happened." "Although, it was nice to be able to be the 'gang' again, even if Touji wasn't talking much." Shinji sighed. "I really messed up this world." Rei giggled. "You've really got to stop blaming yourself for every little thing that happens." Shinji looked down at Rei and studied her face. "Yeah... I know." He sighed, knowing that he was without a doubt responsible for every little thing that happened in this world. Good or bad. Problem was, every time something good happened it was quickly followed by something bad. They turned the corner and stopped in their tracks when they saw a police car in front of the apartment building the Ikaris lived in. A small crowd had formed around the entrance as well. Rei and Shinji rushed over and tried to see what was going on. "What's going on?" Shinji asked a young woman in the crowd. The woman looked back slightly. "They're going to arrest that awful little Ikari brat for murder." Shinji turned whiter than white. Rei gasped and looked around. "Come on..." she hissed softly, tugging on his sleeve. Shinji didn't move. Seeing an uniformed officer appear at the building's front doors, Rei grabbed Shinji hand and pulled. Trying to look casual as she hurried away from the crowd, she pulled the dazed murderer with her. When they got around the corner, her fast walk became an all out run. "We've got to get out of town, fast!" "But... but... it was self defense," Shinji muttered after they had run a couple blocks. Rei glanced back at him. "If there's one thing I've learned about the justice system, it's that it will always screw you in the end," Rei remarked, cynically. "I never got butt fucked in jail, okay?!" Shinji shouted, blushing. "That's not what I meant." Rei looked around awkwardly at the people on the street around them, who had suddenly dropped what they were doing and were staring at the young fugitives. "Ouch!" a young man cried out when the bowling balls his girlfriend had been juggling dropped onto his crotch. -E- -V- -A- Asuka was rolling around on the theater floor, laughing her ass off. "Yet again, they're on the run from the law!" Shinji sighed and looked at Rei. "This is going to end badly, isn't it?" "Probably," Rei said softly. "He'd better take care of Rei for me or I'll..." Shinji trailed off when he realized he was unable to do anything. "You love her, don't you?" Rei asked, a slight trace of jealously evident in her normally emotionless voice. "Yes," Shinji said without hesitating. "I wish my Shinji could love me." Shinji felt his heart go out to his sister/girlfriend/lover/fiance's alter ego. "I'm sure he does." Rei cocked her head and looked at Shinji. "Thank you." Shinji smiled nervously at Rei. "I'm sure they'll be okay." "Oh look, they're getting shot at!!" Shinji and Rei snapped their eyes towards the viewpoint, only to see Rei and Shinji curled up together in a dark alley. "Made you look!" -E- -V- -A- "Shinji, what are we going to do?" Rei asked, shivering from the cold air that blew down the dark alleyway. "I don't know," Shinji answered, wrapping his arms tighter around her in a desperate attempt to keep her warm. "We have to get out of Tokyo-3 tomorrow and head south. After that... I don't know." "I think I can get us some money for train tickets." "Okay..." Shinji's eyes went wide as he suddenly remembered what the Rei in this world did for money. "No!! I won't let you do that anymore!" "Relax, Shinji, I didn't mean that." Shinji relaxed. "I'd never kill for money again... I'll just go have sex for money instead." Shinji fell over backwards into the pile of garbage he had been leaning against. "Just kidding," Rei said as she slid on top of Shinji and gave him a long kiss. "Not funny," Shinji said as the kiss ended. "Just trying to lighten to mood." Shinji smiled devilishly. Trying to be romantic, he flipped Rei backward and gave her a dashing look. The romantic moment was ruined when a half-eaten tuna sandwich and a half dozen rotten eggs crashed down from the trash pile and landed on her face. "Oops..." Rei smiled as she wiped the rotting food off her face. "That's okay." -E- -V- -A- Shinji held Rei's hand as they raced down an alleyway, the sound of a police siren fading into the distance. "I think we lost them," Shinji said as they came to a four-way intersection. He looked left and right, before continuing straight. "I hope so," Rei said, scanning the alleyway for signs of trouble. "I'm not sure that was a coincidence." "What?" "Them being outside my friend's place. I think we're on our own now." "Yeah..." Shinji looked around. "Where are we?" "Near International Plaza." Shinji scratched his head. "Are you sure?" Rei nodded and looked up. Shinji followed her gaze and smiled when he saw the Tokyo-3 Mega-tower soaring into the sky above him. Like the old tower in the old Tokyo, the four support legs sloped upward from the ground upwards to meet at a spherical observation platform. Unlike the tower that rose above the old Tokyo, the four support legs continued past what would have been the 'top' of the old tower and bent outwards. They ended with four more spherical observation platforms at the end of each support leg. From the air, it resembled a four-leaf clover. "Wow... my Tokyo-3 didn't have that." "Huh?" Shinji gulped. "I mean I wasn't looking up while we ran." "You say the strangest things sometimes, Shinji," Rei said, a confused look on her face. "Yeah... I'm just trying to get used to everything that's happened lately." "I understand," Rei said, cuddling up to Shinji's side. "We should..." She went silent when she heard voices coming from the street in front of them. "This way please, folks." A young girl in an official looking uniform said as she passed in front of the alley. "The next stop on our tour of the International Plaza is for dinner and we have quite a treat in store for you." As a crowd of people of all shapes and ages shambled by the alley's end, Rei smiled and grabbed Shinji's hand. "Come on." "Huh?" "Let's blend in with that tour group." "Huh?" "I don't know about you, but 'dinner' sounds pretty good to me." Shinji stomach growled at the thought of getting to eat. Since they had been on the run, they had only been able to swipe a couple apples to tide them over and they had only been able to eat half of them before the ten Dobermans attacked and chased them away from the forbidden fruit. "But..." "Plus, being in a large group will make it harder for the cops to spot us." "Okay... but let's be careful." Rei smiled and grabbed Shinji's hand. "What could go wrong?" she asked as she pulled Shinji towards the end of the alley. -E- -V- -A- Shinji swore as he slid feet first down the slopped roof of one of the observation platforms. Just before he plunged off the edge to his death, he managed to stop his descent with the soles of his shoes and his hands, both of which had been rubbed raw during his descent. His heavy breathing caused the steel roof to fog up as he pledged never to create a crappy world without decent safety regulations again. "Shinji, are you okay?" Rei call from the top of the observation platform, hanging onto the too-short-for-Shinji's-liking railing around the inaccurately-marked-'exit'-instead-of-'roof-access' hatch they had crawled through when their presence in the tour was noticed. Shinji just grunted, since he was afraid to look up from the roof, lest his precarious hold on the roof falter. "I'm sorry, I didn't know they'd be having dinner up in the tower!" "That's okay." "I didn't know that there would be a police retirement dinner going on." "That's okay." "I didn't know that crawlspace would lead up here." "That's okay." "I didn't know that..." Rei eye's widened as she saw Shinji slide a bit towards the edge. "Don't move!" Shinji didn't respond, since he had started to make out with the rooftop. "Why are you kissing the roof?" Shinji wasn't about to respond, since the suction of his lips was the only thing keeping him on the roof. "Hang in there... I'll get help." Shinji hung in there. -E- -V- -A- "How does he get himself into these things?" Shinji asked as he looked away from the viewpoint. Asuka smirked. "That's what he used to say about you." Shinji pointed at his other self's image. "I never got into that bad of a situation." Asuka laughed. "No, instead of dying when you were running from the cops, you used to have sex at the drop of Rei's skirt." "You saw all that?" "Everything." Shinji gulped. "Asuka, stop picking on Shinji." "Make me, Wondergirl." Rei slapped Asuka. Hard. Asuka put a hand to her red cheek. "Wha..." Rei looked at her hand. "Fascinating, it works with this Asuka as well." Shinji looked at Rei, confused. "Why did you hit her?" "I wanted her to shut up and that technique seemed to work well on the ot... urk." Rei's explanation was cut off when Asuka tackled her. Shinji watched the two almost naked girls roll across the theater floor. "Don't fight, girls!" The girls fought. Asuka pulled on Rei's hair. Rei pulled on Asuka's left nipple fig leaf. "Ouch!! Asuka cried out. One point for Rei. Rei pulled Asuka's arm. Asuka punched Rei's nose. "That was an unpleasant sensation," Rei wheezed and pushed her nose back into shape. One point for Asuka. Asuka tried to get Rei in a headlock. Rei kneed Asuka in her stomach. "Fascinating, that works on girls too," Rei said, calmly. Another point for Rei. "Stop it!" Shinji pleaded. Rei threw Shinji at Asuka. Asuka blocked with Misato. "Hey!! Keep me out of this!!" Misato yelled, knocking Asuka and Rei's heads together. Rei and Asuka crumpled to the theater floor, stars and little birdies circling their heads. And the winner is... Misato. Misato shook her head sadly. "I knew they'd snap eventually." -E- -V- -A- Shinji's trembling hand reached out and grabbed the railing. He exhaled in relief after inching his way slowly up the metal roof using the suction of his lips and his bleeding fingertips. Just then, the hatch popped open and Rei poked her head out. "Shinji?" Shinji was so surprised at her appearance that his hold on the railing slipped. He started to slide backwards towards the edge of the roof once again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." "Shinji!!" Rei yelled again as her only reason for living disappeared over the edge. "Shinji!!" One of Shinji's fingers wiggled in the air just at the edge of the roof. Rei looked closely and could see eight little fingertips that were just barely keeping Shinji from falling to his death. "Shinji!" She looked around franticly and then grabbed the rope she had slung over her shoulder. She tied one end to the still-too-short-and-too-slippery-for-Shinji's-liking railing and then tied the other end to herself. "Hang on, Shinji!!" "The thought had occurred to me," was Shinji's calm response. Rei launched herself down the sloping roof, hoping beyond hope to catch Shinji before his fingers lost their precarious grip on the edge of the roof. She reached the edge and looked for Shinji's fingers. Her jaw dropped when she saw him falling away from her. "Shinji!!" She leapt from the roof reaching desperately for his flailing arms. Just as she felt the rope pulled taut, her hands made contact with Shinji's groin. "Urk!!" Rei pulled on his crotch and reached with her other arm, just managing to grab one of his flailing arms before his crotch slipped out of her fingers. "I've got you!!" The pained expression on Shinji's face made it clear that he knew all too well that he was in Rei's experienced hands. As the rope stopped their plunge, they felt their bodies pulled and twisted in all sorts of unnatural positions. Well, unnatural for this Shinji. This Rei was very used to having her body in odd positions while holding a man's penis in her hand. Of course, this is the first time she had done that while suspended four hundred meters over Tokyo-3. Remarkably though, it's not the first time a sex act had been performed while dangling off the Tokyo-3 Mega-tower. The 'Tower Sex Jumpers' bungie team had managed to 'perform' three times before their star got pregnant on the last jump. They plan to have the birth in mid air. Even though the bungie jumping doctor will have a large net to catch the baby, they suggest spectators NOT try to get a good view of the action from underneath the tower. That would be... messy for them. "Are you okay, Shinji?" Rei called out as she tried to get a better hold on him. "Yes..." Shinji squeaked in a very high-pitched voice. "Wrap your..." Rei stopped talking and went pale when she felt the rope jerk. "Quick! Wrap your arms around me!" Shinji wrapped his arms tighter around Rei's legs, then looked down to see her release his crotch and wrap her arms around his legs. "Hang on!" he yelled as the rope jerked again. "The thought had occurred to me," Rei yelled back and she tightened her grip on Shinji. The bouncing stopped and they started to sway gently in the breeze. "Well, I think we're going to make it," Rei remarked. "Yeah..." Shinji said right before the rope snapped and they started to plunge towards the pavement four hundred meters below. They both screamed. "I love you, Rei!!" Shinji called, but went unheard over the rush of air and Rei's continued screaming. Shinji looked down and smiled when he saw a truck filled with mattresses parked directly below. "Alright!!" He frowned when the driver got into the truck and drove away. "Crap!!" He frantically thought of how he could save them both, but couldn't. So he cursed instead. "Dammit, I hate this god-dammed world!! I wish we were back in the theater!!" A shattering explosion that sent shivers down his spine suddenly assailed Shinji's senses. All around him, the fabric of the world he created bent and folded until finally it exploded into billions of small fragments. Seconds later a long rope slapped against the pavement, going unnoticed by the people walking by. Several assorted pieces of clothing drifted down as well, a passing pervert collecting Rei's bra and panties. "Pretty panties!" the little old man chimed as he carried his sack of ill-gotten undies away. -E- -V- -A- An eternity later, Shinji and Rei appeared above the theater floor. Both were screaming and were also naked as the last time they took a bath together. The others in the theater looked up and gaped in astonishment at the sudden appearance of the two naked teenagers. Shinji had a split second to realize that he was back in the theater with Rei still safe in his arms. It was the happiest moment of his life. Then he realized he was still falling as fast as he was when they disappeared from world six-six-six. That realization came when his skull impacted against the wooden floor of the theater at terminal velocity. Before the horrified eyes of the theater's other five occupants, Shinji's skull cracked open and spilled its contents across the theater floor. Fragments of the wooden floor and rafters exploded as his body was driven through them and into the concrete underfloor. Bones cracked; torn flesh was flung in all directions; organs were mangled and tossed aside. Being oriented feet down, Rei had her legs driven up through her torso, which was quickly ripped apart as her various bones shattered and sliced apart her internal organs. Her internal organs joined Shinji's in being mangled and thrown across the floor. Finally her skull slammed into the pool of blood that once was Shinji and the rest of her body. Her skull was flattened and cracked into two pieces. Her lifeless eyes stared blankly ahead as the left side of her head slid down the side of the right half. A few meters away from the dark pool of expanding blood and guts, two hearts lay next to each other where the impact had thrown them. And took their last beats together. -E- -V- -A- Shinji's perfect world according to Shinji: Boy, that really blows. [End - Garden of EVA 2:8 - Shinji's Perfect World Blows!] ======================================================================= Author's notes/ramblings: Not the end... I'd like to thank my pre-readers Thomas C. Kinnen, Michael A. Chase, EBJ, and David Johnston for helping me find and fix problems with this story. FFML members C. Jones, Cherry Tiger, Jose Argao, and Long Tsun were also helpful in fine tuning this story. Thank you all. Of course in the end, any mistakes and botched characters are my fault. Revision 0.0 - Initial draft began (September 3, 2000) Revision 0.1 - Initial draft completed (October 25, 2000) Revision 0.3 - Pre-reader draft (November 2, 2000) Revision 0.4 - FFML draft (December 6, 2000) Revision 1.0 - Final version (December 19, 2000) Revision 1.1 - First RAAC posting (January 3, 2001)