From: feldspar@cryogen.com (Antaeus Feldspar) Subject: [Eva][FanFic][Lemon] Ayanami Afternoons X-Moderation-Queue-Date: Sun, 6 Aug 2000 16:25:33 -0400 DISCLAIMERS AND AUTHOR'S NOTES: The following story is a work of fiction, based on characters from the animated Japanese series "Neon Genesis Evangelion." This fan-fiction is not meant to reflect on this high-quality production, and my use of these characters is in no way meant to circumvent or obviate the purposes of copyright. The content of this story is sexual in nature. It may be illegal to read depending on your age and your geographical location; proceeding past this warning places responsibility with you. The description of certain acts in a work of fiction is in no way meant to be interpreted as approval of these acts in reality. ************************************************************************ AYANAMI AFTERNOONS by Antaeus Feldspar Misato took another sip of beer and decided that her doodling on the napkin was turning into a fairly good likeness of Gendo Ikari. She tipped her chair a little further back, keeping herself balanced with her toes under the kitchen table. She heard the apartment door opened in a rush, and knew who it was by the sound of school shoes being ripped off and hurled to the floor. Sure enough, Asuka entered a second later. Her face was almost the same orange-red as her hair. "Where is he?" she demanded. "Has the idiot come in yet?" Misato added a few lines to Gendo's beard. "Shinji hasn't come in yet. If that's who you mean by 'the idiot.'" Of course it was; who else did Asuka ever use that epithet for? Asuka hurled her bookbag to the floor and spat something in dark German. "That tears it. That's fine! Fine! The stupid Third Child can just go see the Nowhere Queen every day of the week, if he wants, and it's fine with me!" "Ah, Shinji went to visit Ayanami after school again." Asuka turned around, her red hair swinging. "Of course he did! They're only the two most boring people on the face of God's Earth, so of course they gravitate to each other! Spineless and Wonder Girl, a match made in Heaven." Misato hid her grin behind the mouth of the beer can. "Yeah, I can see how it would bother you. Where you want such boring people to pay you attention and all." _Especially Shinji._ "Are you kidding?" Asuka turned and stomped out of the room. "She can have him! They're probably going at it doggy-style right now." Misato's spurt came out her nose and left a trefoil-shaped puddle of Yebiisu beer on the tabletop. "Asuka!" she said, when she could breathe again. "Good grief, you're not even supposed to know about things like that yet! Are you? How much do you kids know about sex these days, anyways?" "Everything," Asuka called back. "I'll just bet." Misato started wiping up the spill with her Gendo napkin. _Asuka only thinks she knows everything. Still, I wonder. Not like my own start wasn't early enough, Lord knows._ She smiled. _What a mental image, though: Shinji Ikari getting hot and heavy with Rei Ayanami. He's far too shy, and she -- I doubt that she even knows what it is._ *** Mouth dry, Shinji eased his fingers underneath the leg hole of Rei's cotton panties. Under the thin white fabric, he could make out the outline of her sex and the dark shadow of her pubic hair. He moved his fingertips over the dark curls and stroked softly downward, feeling the swollen heat of the skin. "Does it feel good when I do that?" he whispered to her. When she made no answer, he looked up at her face. There were no clues in her features. Her lips were neither smiling nor frowning, and her sunset-colored eyes (the only eyes of that color Shinji had ever seen) merely seemed to gaze at something else, something far away from this tiny apartment and perhaps far away from this world. He bent his face downwards again to hide his disappointment, and kissed her shoulder. Sometimes -- he never knew when -- she'd give the tiniest of humming sighs as he touched her, as if he'd made it good for her. Other times she made no noise or expression no matter what they did together; those were the times when Shinji walked home conscious of feeling unfulfilled, even if he had climaxed rubbing himself between her breasts or in the soft valley between the cheeks of her bottom. He gently caressed her back, feeling the tiny bumps of her vertebrae under his fingertips. There had been times he'd woken in the night, his dazed senses still reporting the feel and the smell and the warmth of Rei, though she had never been there in that bed with him. When this happened, it was never her breasts, or buttocks, or her sex whose shape tingled in his palm. It was the sharp point of her shoulder blade he'd recall from memory and ache for, the underside of her knee, or her forearm just above the wrist, where the down was a silver-white invisible against her alabaster skin. He nuzzled the side of Rei's breast, his lips just grazing the curve underneath, and breathed in the tantalizing scent that was strongest there. Asuka, he knew from the mess she left behind in the bathroom, shaved under her arms and used some sort of talc-like powder to stop any odors from there. Rei seemed to do neither, and the scent that emanated from among those fine wisps of hair, lavender like the hair of her head, was rich and intoxicating. At times she seemed a ghost, pale and insubstantial; at others, particularly when the earthy smell of her was in his nostrils, or when as now the warm wetness of her sex was around his fingers, she seemed more real than anything else in the world. She breathed out, and shifted just slightly on the bed, so that his fingers slid deeper into her. Shinji wanted to say "Thank you" but wasn't sure how, or if, she'd react. He wondered if she would stop him if he started to do what he'd been thinking of for the past week. Had she ever stopped him? Not by word or gesture... but there would be the softest exhalation of breath, the tiniest downcurve of the mouth, or a stiffness in the posture, and Shinji had taken the message to mean refusal. Or had he stopped himself? Had he read rejection where there was none? Perhaps she would like it, perhaps... "Rei?" he whispered timidly. "Yes," she answered softly, after a few moments. "May I... I mean, would you like me to... put my mouth on you? There, I mean?" She gazed off at the corner. After a while, her thighs parted, and she put her hand on his, calmly removing his fingers from her. She shifted forward, wiggling the juncture of her thighs over the edge of the bed. Lying back and lifting her hips, she pushed the waistband of her panties down, until they hugged only the lower curve of her bottom cheeks. Shinji blushed, and got down onto the floor, kneeling before her. The tangy scent of Rei was stronger now, and so was his excitement, straining in his pants. He reached up reverently, and pulled her panties down her slim legs. Slim, pale white columns, like fallen marble pillars on either side of a cathedral door -- there, the arched entrance. Shutting his eyes, praying for grace, he touched his lips to the parted, swollen doors of her passage. She was soft inside, and wet, and warm, and salt like the ocean. He lost himself inside, so entranced by her scent made taste upon his tongue, all his intentions were forgotten in a delirium of licking Rei's tender inner flesh; dimly hearing the muffled sighs and gasps, not knowing whether they were hers or his. Finally he stopped to catch his breath, to wait for his racing heart to regain a normal beat. He leaned his face against Rei's soft inner thigh, and ran his tongue over his lips, fascinated by the honey-tang that adhered to them still. He almost missed her trembling shudder -- well, no, perhaps he couldn't have, not with his face against her thigh, staring dreamily at the lavender hairs turned violet in moisture. He blinked, and watched as a second tremor ran through Rei's body. The tiny nub that had slipped from under her clitoral hood peeped out shyly, and then pulled back again. Concerned, he got to his feet and studied Rei, worried. Her cheeks burned with a crimson flush; so did the slopes of her breasts, and the normally pallid skin between them. Her violet eyes stared upwards at the ceiling light, her lips parted to show even white teeth clenched together tightly. "... Ayanami?" he whispered. "Are you okay? Did I... hurt you?" Panic struck him, and he tried to keep it under control; he laid a hand without thinking on her belly. Under his hand, she gave another trembling shudder, arching her back and drawing in air between her teeth, the sound no more than a tiny hiss. And then she breathed out, deeply, and to her face returned the calm, impassive Rei he knew. She closed her legs, and sat up. Shinji bit his lip, trying not to push for answers he knew she wouldn't give. Without a trace of her earlier upheaval, she stood, and walked to her dresser. She returned with two moistened towelettes, and handed one to him. Shinji knew what he was to do; he dabbed at his mouth, feeling the sting of the astringent alcohol as it wiped away the lingering traces of Rei around his mouth and nose and chin. Rei herself sat on the bed with her legs open, wiping firmly around her sex. Shinji sighed, wondering what she'd think of him if he said he wanted to be the one to clean her, to touch her tenderly after their other acts were done. Perhaps that would seem strange to her; he didn't know, after all, how these things were done... "Ikari-san." He turned and looked at her. She still stared at the featureless wall. "Yes, Ayanami-san?" "You have a desire for full intercourse with me." Shinji swallowed hard and nodded, though he wasn't sure that it was a question. Did he see a motion of her shoulders as he admitted that yes, he longed to dive into her cool body and share his heat with her? "There are certain items," she said. "I know that they exist. If you can obtain them for your use during sex, then you may have full intercourse with me." Shinji nodded. He knew exactly the items she referred to; had passed them, blushing, in the aisles of the drugstore, had wondered how anyone got up the nerve to buy such things, let alone the ones decorated with crude boasts. He cursed himself suddenly; he'd been exploring with Ayanami how long, and he'd never even once thought about her protection? He was stupid; worse than that, he was useless -- "These are the items," Rei continued, in a flat voice, and proceeded to outline exactly what she required. Shinji felt his jaw drop, and thought his brain might try to escape through his ears, as she proceeded to detail exactly what would and would not be suitable. After a while, he began to write the details down on the back of a discarded envelope -- not so much because he feared being unable to remember them later, but unable to believe them. _Good grief,_ he thought later, _I wish it _had_ been condoms._ *** Shinji barely picked at the instant curry that was Misato's idea of supper. He was vaguely aware that Asuka was ragging him, maybe even more intensely than usual, and that Misato had been giving him funny looks all night. But these things weren't what held his attention. His mouth chewed mechanically as visions swirled in his head of Rei stretched out under him, open, vulnerable, yielding. ... 'I know that they exist,' she had said. Good grief, where had she ever learned about such things? Well, come to think of it, where had he learned about them? He'd seen them in a hentai manga or two... but he'd never seen Rei with a manga, or any form of reading material, come to think of it. And while he had gotten a look at those hentai manga at the house of a slightly older friend, he hadn't any idea who Rei might go to to obtain -- "May I be excused from the table?" he asked, voice sounding distant to his own ears. "Oh, thank you for noticing we're still _here_, idiot," Asuka snapped. "From your sparkling conversation, we thought you thought you were dining alone." "Thank you," Shinji answered, and left the table. He dimly heard Misato's thoughtful snort behind him, but his mind was on other things. In the phone nook, he opened up Misato's address book. _Ryogi, Kaji_ read the entry, followed by a seven-digit number, and at different times the entry had been decorated by hearts, hearts pierced by sharp daggers, flowers and grimacing skulls, none of which had ever been fully erased. He dialed, and waited nervously. A hearty voice with fast cars and mountain climbing in it answered. "Yeah?" A pause, while Shinji tried to work out what to say. "Yeah, who's there?" "Shinji," he managed. "Ikari?" Kaji replied, sounding amazed. "Didn't know you had this number... ah, but that's not important. What can I do for you, Shinji?" "I, uh... I actually need to get some ... things. I, uh... they're not..." "Not the sort of things you can ask Misato about?" "No." "Well, now, why don't you just tell me what you need, and we'll see what we can do." Kaji added a laugh. "If the women can all stick together, the men have to, in self-defense." Shinji told him. There was a long pause after he'd fumbled his way through the last detail Ayanami had given him. "Shinji... it's _you_ who needs all this?" Kaji finally replied, voice awed with amazement. "Well, she asked..." Shinji murmured. His face began flushing as he trailed off. It hadn't occurred to him until now what Kaji would think... not that he knew, but it must be pretty bad, or Kaji would be talking to him... "Let me think," Kaji said. Shinji waited, staring down at the phone cradle. "Tomorrow," Kaji said. "Call me at this time tomorrow, at this same number, and I'll tell you what I can do." _So ... maybe he isn't thinking what I thought he was thinking._ Shinji managed a few android pleasantries along with his sincere thank-you, and put down the phone again. He stared at the hearts and daggers doodled on the page. _Then what is he thinking, then? What should he be thinking?_ *** He did not know how long he wrestled through dark clouds of unease, until he found himself sitting on a padded bench in a monorail car, wearing nothing. Not quite nothing, he found, reaching up to the side of his head; nestled in his hair were the two amplifiers that amplified his neural commands to the Evangelion unit. Smirking back at him, sitting under a window that showed only dark emptiness beyond, was a boy with a face that Shinji saw in the mirror each morning, wearing his own plugsuit. Who are you? Shinji asked. "I am the you that exists in your mind." The boy continued to stare at him fixedly, with an arrogant little half-smile. Why do you wear my plugsuit? When I wear nothing? Shinji asked. He was not cold, not even with the window at his back, but he felt exposed, vulnerable. "I am the you that exists in your mind," the boy said. The boy was not wearing the neural amplifiers. "But I am a you that does not exist." I don't understand. Why are you-- "Do you like to watch, Shinji?" Shinji thought about the first time he had seen Rei's body, as she stepped from the shower naked. "Do you like to listen?" Somehow, without moving the arms crossed in front of him, the boy removed headphones from his pocket, and slipped the tiny buds into his ears. The button on the SDAT player depressed, and the faint strains of a cello closed Shinji out. A soft thump against the window behind him made Shinji turn. Rei Ayanami pressed against the glass on the other side of the window, blinking sleepy, hungry sunset eyes. Her legs parted absently, fully showing her furred sex. Shinji turned his head, but the boy had his eyes closed, and the headphones still on. He turned back to Ayanami and stood on the seat, trying to make a noise that would reach beyond the window. Ayanami? he called. Ayanami, it's me, Shinji. She gave no indication that she heard him or could see him. Instead, she sighed silently and closed her eyes as she pressed her breasts to the glass, and began to rub her nipples against the smooth surface. They hardened under this treatment, and she sped the pace at which she moved against the glass. Shinji put his fingers to the glass, to touch those tender nubs, but he touched only the flat glass pane. Rei opened her mouth, gave another silent moan of pleasure, still giving no indication that he was there. She spread her legs widely, and began to grind her swollen mound rhythmically against the glass; shortly, she was biting her lips and tossing her head as her flushed lips flattened against the smooth surface of the glass. Shinji called again, but whatever he said, she did not hear. His gaze dropped to the triangle between her legs. Her lower hair and her upper thighs were dewed with glistening liquid; on Shinji's side of the window as well, there were beaded droplets of moisture. He dropped to his knees, kneeling on the seat, and began to lick at the moisture, hoping for the warm taste of Rei's lubrication -- -- but no matter how he licked, the beads remained nothing but salty condensation. *** Shinji didn't see Ayanami in school the next day, and when he tried to call her apartment, the ringing telephone went unanswered. When he got home to the apartment he shared with Asuka and Misato, the Major informed him that Ayanami had been scheduled for a special all-day synchronization test at NERV. "Did you have something special you were planning with her?" Misato asked. The tone was casual, but the way she looked into his eyes before she asked was not. "Nothing special," Shinji said without thinking. The Major seemed satisfied by this, and went off to look for her key ring and I.D. card, soon muttering under her breath about how they could possibly disappear so consistently. Shinji watched her search for and eventually find both items, and run out the door, apologizing for not cooking dinner, as she was already late. All the while, he was thinking about what he'd told Misato. It wasn't that he felt disturbed about lying to her -- so much as that it had happened without conscious decision. ... which seemed, sometimes, to be how he'd fallen into these secret sessions with Ayanami. Asuka suggested an early supper, and he agreed. She insisted on cooking, though it was penciled in on the chart as his night to cook, and produced a nice curry dish. After the dinner, she suggested a game of chess, claiming that there was nothing on TV she wanted to watch, and that she'd read all her books too many times already. Shinji wondered why Asuka was being so strangely nice to him tonight, but he was having trouble concentrating. His chess pieces were pale marble, and their shade and sometimes shape brought vivid memories to mind. About twenty moves into the game, he found himself rubbing the spherical nub atop a pawn, comparing it in his mind to the nubs that tipped Ayanami's breasts. Flushing, he moved the pawn forward. "Stupid!" Asuka screamed, getting to her feet. Shinji looked down at the board. The pawn's movement had put his own queen in check. "You're not paying attention to the game. How *could* you, you -- you --" Asuka's fists balled up. "Argh! I don't know why I even bother trying to be nice to -- to -- to a numbskull like you!" She stomped off, and a moment later, the door to her room slammed forcefully. Feeling guilty, not knowing why or even understanding why Asuka was so upset, Shinji put away the chess pieces, wrapping them in their cloth board, and then put away all the dishes from supper. From there, he hesitated ... and then went again to the phone nook. Kaji answered his cell phone on the fourth ring, and once confirming it was Shinji, named a street corner and a time to meet before hanging up abruptly. Shinji sometimes wondered about Kaji; even at NERV, where secretiveness was a way of life, it sometimes seemed that he must have more or deeper secrets from the way he employed his charming style to divert people from them. Shinji was thinking about that when Kaji stopped his car at the corner and motioned for him to get in, but his attention was completely diverted when Kaji put a nylon backpack in his lap. "Look in there," Kaji said, and pulled away from the curb. Shinji zipped the bag open, and blushed hard as he took out a hollow ball made of red, hard rubber, which had a nylon strap strung through two of the many holes that dotted its surface. "You've never worn one of those before -- have you?" Kaji asked. Shinji shook his head, cheeks burning. "Take a careful look at the clasp." Shinji did so. "If for some reason you need to get it off in a hurry -- it is *you* who's wearing it, right?" Shinji shook his head, mute with embarrassment. After a long silence, Kaji resumed. "Well. Then... show whoever's wearing it... that clasp has an inset button. The gag's unlikely to come off by accident, but when you want it off, just a touch of the button should pop it open. There are similar buttons on the cuff chains." Shinji dug into the backpack and pulled out four pairs of wide, padded cuffs, and each did indeed have a release button, if you knew where to look for it. "There's more," said Kaji, passing a slow-moving limousine. "Reach down farther." Shinji did so, puzzled. What more was there? Rei hadn't asked for anything else... He reached into the pack and came out with a pair of little metal discs, shaped like cymbals, each attached to an elastic loop. He vaguely remembered seeing them in a picture of a Middle Eastern belly dancer... he slipped them onto his finger and thumb, and chimed them experimentally. "The finger cymbals and the gag," Kaji said, "are yours to keep. The cuffs, I do expect back when you're done." "The finger cymbals... what are they for?" "Obviously, with a gag on, you can't use your safeword." Kaji didn't take his eyes off the road; Shinji still had the impression that Kaji was looking at him. "A safeword, as you know --" Shinji didn't -- "is the word that all partners agree on in advance, which truly means 'Stop' regardless of what games are being played." "Oh." "After all, you always want to be listening to what your partner wants, right? Even if it's only coming as a chime of cymbals." Some sort of response seemed to be expected to this. Shinji nodded, slightly, and said yes. After a while, Kaji continued, as if making small talk of things they both knew. "These things -- these add spice between a man and woman. But of course, you can't have just spice, can you? Spice has to go on something." "Yes, I -- I see that's so." "Ah, but surely whoever you're using these things with knows that." Kaji slowed the car as they reached the corner of Shinji's block. Shinji slowly opened the door and stepped onto the curb, watching the sun set over the horizon and thinking of Rei's eyes. Kaji leaned towards the passenger side to pull the door shut, and looked up at Shinji. "You will call me if anything goes -- that is, whenever you're finished with the items?" Shinji blushed and nodded. Kaji wished him a good night and good luck before his car door closed and the car rolled away. *** There were no windows in Rei's apartment. Intellectually, Shinji knew that it must be still light out, but with no light but a vanilla candle he'd brought burning atop Rei's dresser, he could believe that they had chosen the darkest hour of night for this exploration. Shinji finished undressing Rei by pulling off her light blue socks, and placing them in the pile that held the rest of her clothes. Around each pale, delicate ankle, he fastened a cuff, and tested the slack in each chain, to see that it was as taut as Ayanami had instructed. The soft glow of the candle painted her spread-eagled body a shade of cream, a sculpture nestled in the rumpled sheets. She should have been a study in light and shadow, of pale tones set off by touches of gray in the hollows of her body, lavender hair lightened by the candlelight, garnet flickers as she blinked. The effects was ruined by the dull black sheen of the cuffs and by the angry red of the ball gag that forced her jaws apart. Feeling his naked hardness grow as he watched her, Shinji came around to the side of the bed, and sat beside her, unable to keep his eyes from running over every inch of her that was laid out for his inspection. And, well, why should he? Wasn't that what she wanted these things for? He'd wondered what the appeal of such gear and such games could be, and now he wondered how he could have wondered. Amazed at his own daring, he ran his fingertips along her inner thigh from knee to parted lips, and was rewarded by the involuntary shiver that ran through her. He bent closer, putting her naked skin a bare inch from his eyes and nose and tongue. The curve of her breast excited him, but so did the line along her rib cage and down to her hip. He licked his way along that line and back again, flicking his tongue across the smooth muscle above her underarm, trapped taut by the chain that held her arm above her head. His hand caressed the tiny rise along her side. _I could be the only one who knows that Rei has this tiny love handle,_ he thought, and the thought aroused him immensely. He mouthed his way up from Rei's arm to the snowy hillock of her breast, pale nipple already pointing up at his descending mouth. It slid along his tongue, and he suddenly discovered he needed to bring his hand down to stroke his erection, which was almost painfully pleading to be stimulated. He opened his mouth wider over Rei's warm breast, and moaned as his erection thrilled to the few rough strokes he gave it. The short sound by his ear surprised him; he hadn't realized that such an in-drawing of breath would whistle passing through the narrow air holes in the gag. He raised his head to look at Rei; he longed to see the same pleasure in her eyes as he was feeling now. Her eyes merely stared half-lidded at the ceiling, and though he could hear her soft exhale through the gag as well, there was no information in it for him. He paused, waiting for something more; nothing more except the occasional blink of her lashes. He felt his member, previously insistent, sagging disappointed into his encircling hand. Laying his head along Ayanami's side, he suddenly realized that he felt the way he had piloting an Evangelion for the first time: not knowing what he should do, not sure he could do it even if he knew -- he was fully limp now -- filled with resentment both against his own inability and against whoever had forced him into the situation where he confronted it. Except ... now only he had done this to himself, no one else. _But of course, you can't have just spice, can you?_ He lifted his head. If he couldn't... if he couldn't do it one way, he'd do it another. He looked down to the footboard of the bed, decided that he would be far too uncomfortable trying to lean or lie over it, and instead he lay his body alongside Rei's, snuggling closer until her breast nestled against his belly. Putting his mouth to the curve of her hip, he kissed his way along the shadowed crease, kissing and licking down to her furred mound. The closer he got, the more he could smell her own spicy scent mingling with the vanilla in the air... and as he caressed and smoothed down her soft cloud of pubic hair off to the side, in preparation for delving into her with his tongue, her legs twitched as far apart as they could, within the limit of the chains. Inside her sex, his tongue delved into wet honey, and this time, with his skin pressed to hers, he could feel her trembling under him. When his tongue-tip licked a slow circle inside her, there was no mistaking the shudder that ran through her. He held, squeezed, caressed her buttocks in his hands and he could feel her frantic efforts to arch her pelvis up to his mouth. He straddled her torso and brought his mouth down closer to her sex, so that his tongue could go deeper between her wet, swollen petals; he thought he heard frantic, muffled moans behind him as he spread his mouth wide over her whole sex and gently sucked. He hoped that she might feel his re-hardening against her skin and massage it between her breasts, until he remembered that she was bound. He reached down and pushed his rigid manhood down, stroking the swollen head against each soft globe in turn; his hardness made it painful to push so far down but his excitement made even the pain pleasurable. He continued to taste of her until his tongue ached from exertion. He had stopped rubbing his erection when he felt himself nearing the point of no return, and had slowly let the internal pressure subside (no matter how frantically his hungry stiffness ached, demanding release now now now now) lifting his lower body away to prevent accidents (no matter how it tried to control his muscles and make him thrust against her skin for that last bit of friction yes yes yes). Now he turned himself carefully around, until his still-hard cock pressed to the slick, soaked lips of her sex. As he lowered his body onto hers, he brushed her hard nipples with the backs of his fingers, bent his head to give each of them a small kiss. "Rei?" he whispered. "Are you ... ready?" He looked up into her eyes. They stared back at him, shadows hiding any expression they might have given. He waited for some sign, but he heard nothing, not even a sigh. _Do you like to listen?_ He reached out to caress her cheek, pinioned under the wide strap of the gag. He gently tucked a stray lock of blue hair back behind her ear. "... Ayanami? Are you ready?" Surely she must want him to; she had invited... no, allowed him to... "I don't want to hurt you, by ... doing it when you're not ready..." Something about her silence disturbed him... he looked at her clenched fists, , and realized that the fingers he'd slipped the black elastics of the finger cymbals were now bare... From the way her fingers whitened as she clenched, she'd slipped them off and into her palm. "Please ... Do you still want me to ... go inside you?" Her hips bucked against him, and the sudden wet friction that traveled up his shaft electrified him into action. It meant yes, he decided, yes it must mean yes, and he reached down hurriedly to position himself for entry into her. Would it please her? It had to be enough to please her; it was the longest and thickest and stiffest he'd ever been... He had to crouch back, like a lion ready to pounce, in order to fit his flushed, flared head to her wet lips... He pushed forward, and felt a velvet glove of muscle travel down over his shaft, down to the very hilt. He couldn't know if she, too, cried out in the same moment; he only knew that his own spine seemed struck with lightning and that he'd cried out, not in pleasure or pain so much as pure release. He arched his back, shivering as a thousand lesser waves of sensation washed over him... and then it struck him. _I'm inside someone. Fully._ Awed by the enormity, he cautiously rolled his hips from side-to-side, turning his shaft inside its sheath without pulling out. _I'm having sex... full sexual intercourse. For the very first time. Wait... the first time for me... for Rei? Is it... it *is* her first, too, isn't it?_ He looked down at Rei again, but this time her eyes were tightly closed... as tightly closed as her fists, as sealed as her lips were around the dark red sphere. Her breath rasped noisily through the gag as her chest rose and fell, but there was no way of knowing what it contained for him. He pulled back slightly, shivering as the cool air hit the inch or so of his shaft that the movement exposed; he reversed and sunk in again. Rei's muscles contracted around him, and her body shuddered under his... but where was she? Did she tremble in love, or lust, or fear, or revulsion? _Spice has to go on something. Ah, but surely whoever you're using these things with knows that._ Surely he was pleasing her... giving her what she wanted. He had done what she asked for... wasn't this what she wanted? This was the way she wanted to do this... with eyes closed, with limbs pinioned, with mouth bound... _After all, you always want to be listening to what your partner wants, right? Even if it's only coming as a chime of cymbals._ Licking at a pane of glass, the taste nothing but salt condensation. Shinji stretched out fully along the length of Rei's body, putting most of his weight on one elbow as the other hand slid softly along her pale, outstretched arm. Her eyes didn't flash open in alarm until his thumb pressed the inset release button on the chain, and the cuff popped open. She moaned in muffled dismay and shook her head from side to side, but the motion turned into a writhe; the fingers of her freed hand fluttered helplessly for the out-of-reach bedpost, and then reached down to clutch Shinji's shoulder blade. Those fingers tightened, the nails digging into his skin, as he stretched forth to release her other wrist. Rei let out a long gasp as he dug into the bed with his toes, stretching fully; he could feel his pelvic bone pressing down on her hot and swollen mound as he reached a little farther, a little farther, and then the dark dull band gave up her thin wrist, stark white where it had been bound. Her arms wrapped around his torso; her closed fist pressed into the small of his back as she arched her pelvis up towards him. Her long lashes fluttered at him as he rolled his hips, pumping his shaft gently in and out of her, and caressed her cheek. But when his fingers continued along the nylon strap, towards the release catch, her eyes shut tight and even through the gag, the moan of 'no... no...' was audible. Shinji pressed the button anyways, and gently pulled free the cruel nylon strap. He kissed the marks it had made on either cheek, until her jaws relaxed and released the perforated rubber ball. The tiny gasp she let out into his ear hit the right frequencies to send chills up his spine; she clutched him tight as his penis descended into her again. Her tongue dove into his mouth, exploring forcefully; one arm wrapped around his shoulders to keep his mouth to hers, and the nails of the other hand raked his back in long scratches that only stimulated him more. Finally, Rei's head dropped back on the pillow. "F-fuck me, Shinji," she gasped. "Fuck my h-hole, fuck me..." With that, he couldn't keep any longer to the shallow strokes with which he'd been trying to make himself last; he pulled out almost entirely and thrust back again. Rei screeched with delirious passion and writhed under him; her legs seemed to strain at their bonds with the attempt to lift and wrap around his hips. Instead, both hands grabbed helplessly at his back, sharp nails and round edges of the finger chimes scraping his skin, as he lifted again and pushed back into her. "Sh-shin... fuck me, f-fuck, fuck..." Her head lifted and her teeth dug into the muscle between his neck and shoulder. Shinji cried out loud, but the discovery that the pain was exciting drove him over the edge, left him with only the goal to do as Rei had commanded, to fuck, to fuck her hard, to fuck her hole again and again with his hard prick, to fuck her senseless, to fuck her until they both came. Her body shook, the bedsprings screeched, from the violence of his thrusts. Her teeth remained locked on his muscle, but her hands clawed at his back as if scrabbling for purchase. He pumped into her furiously, grunting as the rough friction seemed to rocket through his nerves. He'd never felt so alive. With each thrust into Rei's wet willing cunt, the pressure inside him had built up again, until once more the odd floating sensation inside his balls told him that the floodgates were about to open, and once they opened, nothing would stop their release. He didn't intend to stop; he had no reason to stop; he reached up and pushed Rei away from his shoulder and down onto the bed. She stared up at him, a panting wild animal caught in the fever of rut. He put his hands down, trapping her shoulders, pinning her under his weight, and stared into her wild eyes. "Rei," he said. Her mouth opened to let out a high-pitched wail; she arched her pelvis up to meet his body, and deliberately, forcefully, he thrust himself into her, again and again and again... "Sh-shin! Coming, c-come, coming, Shinji, come in me..." Her voice rose again in a wail as her head tossed; his thrusting cock found itself gripped hard by a spasmodic contraction of her sex, and his flood of liquid loosed itself inside her. Wave after wave of pent-up juice spurted deep in his lover's belly, and she made soft cries under him, body shaking as she was overtaken by her own climax. Once the last jet of liquid spurted from him, Shinji felt drained, as if all his energy had gone with it. He dropped his head, resting it on Rei's shoulder; he could hear her still-racing heart and the heavy pant of her breath. In the calm after the storm, he became aware of all the scrapes and scratches that had been dug into his back, and winced at the sting as the salt sweat he was coated in trickled into the broken skin. He closed his eyes, understanding now why climax had been called 'little death' or 'sweet death' in some languages... it was this stillness, this peace, sweet in its cessation of worry. Rei's fingers brushed his bangs back from his forehead, and twined briefly in the short hair at the nape of his neck. Shinji sighed and kissed the sweat on Rei's skin, nuzzling her. When her hands moved to his shoulder and began pushing, he realized that if he was pressed close enough to her to feel her shudders through his entire body, his weight on her might be too much. He struggled to get his arms underneath him, so he could lift himself. As he pushed himself to hands and knees, his softening shaft slid free from Rei's warmth; he looked up, into her sunset eyes. He had just enough time to see the angry tears glistening there before her open hand caught him on the side of the face. Painful stars exploded silently in his field of vision. The finger chimes clinked against each other as they fell from her hand; Shinji put his hand to his cheek and felt tricking liquid where the chimes had cut him. He stared at Rei, sitting there with her mouth clamped tightly shut, anger burning in her eyes, chest hitching with angry sobs. She opened the fists her small hands were balled in, and shoved him. "Rei," Shinji whispered, barely believing this, "why? What did I do wrong?" She ignored him, and stretched forward, bending towards her ankle. When she couldn't reach, she spread her legs further and pushed herself further down the bed. Her flushed womanhood was exposed to Shinji, and her breasts brushed against his chest as she reached brusquely past him, but he made no move to touch them. The cuff that held one ankle opened, and she leaned back again. "Ayanami," he asked, quietly, "what did I... what did I do wrong?" She looked at him with narrowed, glistening eyes. "Go away, Third Child," she said. Her shoulder hit him in the upper half of the rib cage as she leaned towards the other ankle. Shinji dropped his gaze, and found himself looking at her bare back, at the soft bumps of each of her vertebrae, tiny rises he had caressed, had kissed. "I only wanted to make you happy," Shinji murmured. His fingers brushed the hair that lay matted with perspiration at the back of her neck. Rei sat up. Her face went blank of expression, a transformation that happened before his eyes. Her head lifted; her gaze went level and she stared at the wall, or perhaps through it. Her shoulders, which had been drawn in tight, relaxed and seemed to be forgotten. Shinji reached out to touch her as she pulled up her legs and turned so that she sat sideways on the bed. Instead, he let his hand drop to his side. She had become as separate from him as if a sheet of plate glass had been abruptly dropped between them. She stood, and walked over to the bureau, as though she were no longer conscious of his presence in the room, or even perhaps her own. A dark shadow with a halo that flickered as the candle did, she pulled open the top drawer and pulled out a towelette. She opened its foil packet, scrubbed at her eyes with the alcohol-soaked paper, and let it drop to the floor. She opened another, and scrubbed at her hands, long and hard. When she dropped it to the floor, and opened another towelette to keep scrubbing at her hands, Shinji let his head drop between his pulled-up knees. He had failed, when he thought he had found the way to succeed. What had Kaji said? That he should always be listening, to hear what Rei wanted. It had never occurred to him that she might not want him to listen. *** The monorail car was nearly deserted at this time of night. An automated voice announced the districts they were passing through, those they would and would not stop at. Shinji stared at the window; he could not prove any of it, because he saw nothing outside the window but darkness. He pressed his face to the window and let the salt tears run down the glass. THE END ************************************************************************ This story is not in the public domain. The rights to redistribute this story by electronic or other means for non-profit purposes is freely granted, as long as it is distributed intact, including these notices. Distribution of this story for profit is expressly prohibited. The practice of altering this story, including but not limited to appending 'continuations,' is expressly prohibited. -- * -jc IS *NOW* feldspar@cryogen.com * Home page: http://members.tripod.com/~afeldspar/index.html * The home of >>Failed Pilots Playhouse<< * "Better you hold me close than understand..." Thomas Dolby