From: eltf@hotmail.com (Eliot Lefebvre)
Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Neon Epoch Evangelion: Episode 2
X-Moderation-Queue-Date: 16 May 2002 05:06:27 -0700

Pre-story warning, once again!

This fanfic is an original take on GAINAX's "Shin Seiki Evangelion."
It contains alternative characters, plots, and a different overriding
internal logic.  It is intended, from the beginning, to be different.
This includes different Children and different histories.  In short: if 
the mere thought of someone other than Shinji in the cockpit of EVA-01 
makes you queasy, you are in -entirely- the wrong place.  Any and all 
flames stemming from this alteration will be mocked mercilessly.  You 
have been warned.

On a more pleasant note, if you happened to miss the first episode, the 
archive is at http://wwww.lostfactor.net/nee.html, and contains the 
first -three- episodes at the moment!  That's right!  You get one more 
whole episode!  Yay.

And sorry for the lateness of this one - I'm trying to keep a steady 
weekly schedule, but various problems made it impossible this time 
around.  Won't happen again.

                                  ]++[

               ]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[
                                presents

                         ]+ NEON       EPOCH +[
                   ]+ E  V  A  N  G  E  L  I  O  N +[

                   ]+ EPISODE 2: COURTING DISASTER +[

                     By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre

             Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX

                                  ]++[

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for 
yourselves this day who you will serve, whether the gods your 
forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in 
whose land you are living.  But as for me and my household, we serve 
the Lord.
- JOSHUA 24:15

                                  ]++[

Staring out across the green hills of her homeland, Nieve Soryu-Leary 
admitted to herself what she would never admit to anyone else - that 
she was of mixed feelings about leaving her home.  On the one hand, she 
knew that her destiny lay elsewhere, that she'd been put on Earth to 
perform other duties.  That was the only face that she presented to 
others, the only side that anyone at NERV's European branch office in 
Ireland would have been able to vouch for.  But another part of her 
wanted to stay in Ireland, in the land that she was accustomed to, the 
place that she'd come to recognize as her home.

The wind whipped around behind her, and she pulled her legs closer to 
herself with a shiver, red hair fluttering in the gust as the chilling 
blast shot up her dress.  She'd been half-tempted to wear something 
smaller, but the long green dress had proven to be the only object in 
her wardrobe warm enough for the icy winds of the day.  Even the dress 
was ill-suited to the outdoors, and by all rights she should have been 
inside the base, not sitting on the stone wall a few meters away.  She 
knew that it was only a matter of time before someone came looking for 
her, before she was dragged back and forced to undergo some new test or 
new practice.  But she was determined to take a moment for herself, to 
enjoy her few free moments outside.

"You'll catch cold if you stay out here," noted a familiar voice behind 
Nieve, prompting her to turn around.  Standing there was a man that she 
considered possibly the most attractive specimen of humanity that she'd 
ever met - Ryoji Kaji, six feet tall, muscular, possessed of long black 
hair in a perpetual ponytail, quick blue eyes, a strong chin, just 
enough stubble to be cute without being lazy, and an easygoing air that 
seemed to put everyone around him at ease.  He was wearing a blue shirt 
that he had apparently stopped buttoning halfway up and tan slacks, 
observing Nieve with a rather casual gaze.  "It wouldn't do to have the 
Second Child out of the action due to sickness, would it?"

"I'd not lose control of myself to that degree," replied Nieve, 
smirking to herself as her green eyes focused back on the hills, 
looking away from Kaji.  "You might be the man in charge of me, Mr. 
Kaji, but don't forget that I've lived here longer than you.  I'm at no 
danger of catching cold, not in this weather."  She glanced back at 
him, noting that he was now walking towards her at a leisurely pace, 
and for the first time she realized that he had a grave expression on 
his face.  "What is it?  What's wrong?"

"Heh.  I can't keep these things secret from you, can I?"  Nieve 
frowned at him, lowering herself off the rock, and Kaji sighed, shaking 
his head.  "I got word a little while ago from NERV's headquarters in 
Japan, the main branch.  The Angels have finally come.  The third hit 
the city, but the Third Child in EVA-01 managed to destroy it."  He 
paused.  "The other end seemed reluctant to disclose the method, so I'd 
assume that something happened that they didn't expect."

Nieve tried to continue feigning interest, but her mind was elsewhere, 
and had been since the moment that Kaji mentioned the return of the 
Angels.  "They came back," she muttered to herself, turning her eyes as 
slightly as possible towards the horizon, a gesture that Kaji noticed.  
"Sorry.  It's nothing.  I'm just -"

"Come on, Nieve," he said, reaching over and clasping her on the 
shoulder to try and make her feel better.  He smiled at her, and she 
smiled back weakly.  "What happened to your fire for this job?  You 
said that you were going to have the situation under control within 
seconds, that no matter how many Angels attacked you'd be ready and 
able to take all of them out.  Is something wrong?"

"Just..."  Nieve shook her head, not wanting to admit to any feelings 
of doubt.  She knew, on a basic level, that Kaji was right, that she'd 
had the historically best luck with her Eva, that with her extensive 
training she was more prepared for the conflict than any of the other 
Children.  Any apprehension that lingered, she decided, was without 
merit, and the best thing to do was to ignore it.  "I just wonder what 
humans did to bring them here in the first place."

"Good question," replied Kaji, an odd sort of half-smirk on his face 
that implied he knew more than he was letting on.  "That's the same 
question that I asked when I joined NERV.  My own bad luck to wind up 
with the Intelligence division and end up studying humans more than 
angels, I suppose."  He smiled at her, and she smiled back, forcing 
herself to feel better.  "Anyways, I didn't just come out here to tell 
you that.  You're also wanted back inside for further testing."

"Heh.  I've been testing with EVA-02 since I was ten, and even before 
that I knew that I was expected to pilot it eventually.  I was maybe 
the only person to know that I was a Child before the Marduk Report was 
published."  She chuckled, shaking her head but beginning to head back 
towards the facility along with Kaji.  "You'd think that the 
technicians had finished their tests by now."

Kaji nodded, again with the sort of half-smirk on his face.  It made 
Nieve a little uneasy, especially when she knew she had every right to 
know everything that was going on within the European branch of NERV.  
"Better hurry, then," he replied, an actual smile replacing the smirk 
almost too quickly for her to register.  "You've got to get back to 
testing, and I've got to get to work pushing the transfer paperwork 
through.  They want EVA-02 to be transferred to Japan."

"So soon?" whined Nieve, obviously displeased with the idea.  "I don't 
want to go to Japan.  It's always been too hot down there, and since 
the Second Impact it's gotten even worse."  She sighed, looking down at 
her dress.  "None of my clothes will work down there, unless I want to 
be constantly swimming in my own fluids."

"Tell you what, then," replied Kaji, his smile broader now.  "You don't 
have the clothes you need, and I really don't want to have to deal with 
paperwork for longer than I have to.  So, if you perform well on the 
tests that they've got lined up for you, I'll knock off of work early 
and take you shopping for a more suitable wardrobe.  Sound good?"

Nieve knew that Kaji was basically baiting her - he worked for NERV, 
and having the de facto responsibility for taking care of the Second 
Child it reflected poorly on him if she did poorly.  She also knew that 
she really didn't need an entirely new wardrobe, and that Japan wasn't 
so hot that she'd be unable to breathe in what she already owned.  But 
she also knew that any excuse to spend time with Kaji was worth it, and 
an excuse to spend time with him and get to go shopping on his money 
was doubly worth it.  "It's a deal," she replied, smiling broadly and 
extending a hand to shake on it.  "I'll show you just what I can do."

                                  ]++[

His first thoughts, much to his relief, were of his horrible day as a 
young boy, a thought that normally agonized him.  At the instant that 
he awakened, however, Neil was so deathly afraid of the sensation that 
he'd gotten from the Eva of having his identity stolen that anything 
distinctly his own was a blessing.  It took him a few more moments to 
actually remember the combat in the Eva, another few moments to 
identify his location.  What he'd at first thought was simply the 
blinding white that came after being in darkness for too long was 
actually the flourescent glow of a hospital light, drab white ceiling 
helping to augment the feeling.  "A hospital," he muttered, glancing 
down at the curved metal foot of his bed, the unspeakably generic white 
sheets, the blue and white speckled pattern of the hospital gown.  "I 
must have fallen unconscious inside the Eva."

Memories of the battle came flooding back to Neil, of his horrible 
performance against the Angel, of the red frenzy that had come over him 
when the beast discarded him, of feeling his mind invaded by something 
distinctly other.  He sat up, staring at his hands, half-expecting 
blood to still be on them.  "I wonder how long I've been down here," he 
muttered to himself, glancing around the room for a second or two 
before his eyes found the room's other resident.

Ryo Ayanami lay deathly still, an IV hooked into one of the boy's arms 
and bandages still covering his body.  The only thing that gave Neil a 
clear indication that the other child wasn't dead was the fact that his 
head turned towards Neil, moving almost agonizingly slowly, red eyes 
staring directly into Neil's.  The gaze felt as though it looked right 
through him, an uncomfortable sensation to say the least.  "One day," 
the boy said flatly, and it took Neil a second to realize he was 
answering Neil's earlier question.  "Congratulations on your successful 
mission."

"Thanks, but it was as much luck as it was talent," replied Neil, 
blushing slightly at his own remark.  Ryo's expression remained fixed, 
stoic and unconcerned.  The stare had seemed strong the first time Neil 
had seen it, and now it looked bored, but both emotions seemed to only 
be present in trace amounts.  "Looks like your last battle against an 
Angel went worse than mine, though.  Still, we're in the same hospital, 
so -"

"I haven't gone into battle against an Angel yet," replied Ryo, turning 
his stare back towards the ceiling in the same eerily slow fashion as 
he'd moved before.  "My Eva was damaged during other operations.  I was 
injured at the same time."

Neil frowned, something tickling at the back of his mind for an instant 
before he said anything.  "Wait a minute," he said, prompting Ryo to 
half-turn back towards him.  "If you've never seen combat against an 
Angel, why was the one I faced called the Third Angel?  What happened 
to the first two?"

Staring for a moment, Ryo turned his gaze back towards the ceiling, 
less out of disrespect and more out of a simple desire to lay in the 
most efficient position.  "I have no idea," he replied, speaking 
somewhat more softly than before.  "I was never briefed on the 
numbering scheme for the Angels."

"Oh."  Neil paused for a moment, unsure of what to say, due in no small 
part to the fact that he couldn't tell if he was boring, annoying, or 
cheering up Ryo.  "I'm sorry.  I just thought that since you'd been 
here longer than me, you'd know more."

"Don't worry about it," replied Ryo, sounding entirely genuine as he 
continued to stare at the ceiling.  He paused for a moment, then looked 
at Neil again, almost seeming to have traces of something between 
jealousy and apprehension on his face.  "Are you my replacement?"

"Your what?" asked Neil, suddenly feeling extremely confused and not 
liking the sensation.  "No.  No, I'm not here to replace you for 
anything, at least not as far as I know.  Maybe I am, but I wouldn't 
agree to it."  He stared at Ryo, feeling as confused as he had before 
he'd woken up.  "Why do you ask?"

"My prior performance was less than satisfactory," replied Ryo, a touch 
of bitterness creeping into his tone so subtly that Neil wouldn't have 
even recognized it except for Ryo's normally emotionless voice.  "I was 
unsure if you were intended to take my place, considering the fact that 
you got 01 to activate."

"That's a big deal?" asked Neil, confused.  "I just got in and did what 
they told me.  Was it supposed to remain inactive?"

"EVA-01 was built as a test platform, not as a combat model.  Its first 
activation was a disaster."  Ryo's gaze turned back towards the 
ceiling, the same dearth of emotion in his speech as before.  "After 
that incident, its chance of activation was rated at approximately 
.001%, and it was almost written off as unusuable.  Weren't you told?"

"No," replied Neil, shaking his head and sinking back into his pillow, 
suddenly unsure of whether to feel very big or very small.  "No, it 
doesn't seem as though they want to tell me much of anything around 
here."  He stared at the ceiling itself, unsure of what was truly going 
on at NERV, and the image of Unit 01's green eye burning itself into 
his memory.

                                  ]++[

Ritsuko, much to her annoyance, was unable to get Misato's comment from 
the previous day out of her head, the question about her methods 
lingering even as she remained confident she had done the right thing 
for everyone.  "Maya, pull up the synchronization records for EVA-01 
during the battle," she sighed, rubbing her forehead and closing her 
eyes for a moment.  "If Neil's going to be piloting 01 consistently, we 
need to know how the synch pattern will line up."

"Yes, ma'am," replied Maya, fingers tapping for a few moments while 
Ritsuko put her glasses back on and leaned over the young woman's 
shoulder.  Under normal circumstances Maya should have been observing 
the curve the entire time, but EVA-01's first battle had been anything 
but normal.  The graph popped up, and Maya began scrolling along the 
various chronological readings, Ritsuko watching her carefully.  
"Manged to reach 45% within five seconds, far better than the expected 
time for that unit... it only fluctuated slightly while Neil was having 
trouble with the Angel, up to about the moment that it started to 
reverse itself."

"Mmm.  Then it started rising again."  Ritsuko placed her finger on the 
screen at the lowest point of the graph, hovering slightly about 15%.  
She hadn't realized how low it had gotten at the time, only a few 
points away from the limit for being able to control the Eva at all.  
Pushing the thought out of her mind, she traced the curve upwards, 
somewhat surprised by the speed and height of the curve.  "Reached an 
apex of... 72%."  She blinked.  "Is that figure correct?"

"I'll double-check the machine's onboard log," offered Maya, getting up 
and stepping over to one of the other consoles.  The other two primary 
technicians, Makoto and Shigeru, had the day off, but Maya had 
volunteered to come in and lend a hand to Ritsuko.  Ritsuko nodded 
absently to the young woman, taking Maya's seat as she continued to 
trace along the graph absently.  The ratio on screen was higher than 
any historical rate with any unit, much less the most tempermental unit 
ever produced.  "No known problems with the installed recording 
equipment, even with the damage that it sustained.  It looks accurate."

Still scrolling along, Ritsuko almost didn't notice when the graph 
began to rise again, with a similar steepness and an even higher final 
value.  "Maya?" she asked, thoroughly perplexed.  "What was the status 
of the Third Angel at reference position 753?"

"Give me a moment," replied Maya, obviously unsure of why her commander 
was asking that but complying without question.  She tapped a few keys, 
brought up another display, then scrolled to the point that Ritsuko was 
referencing.  "The Third Angel had been destroyed slightly prior.  
Exact timing is difficult, but it's estimated around position 734.  
Why?"

"Come look at the synch graph," replied Ritsuko, waving the technician 
over.  Maya stared at her for a moment, then stepped over to Ritsuko, 
glancing over her commander's shoulder.  "At 753, the synch graph 
starts rising again, hits a peak of 95%, fluctuates wildly, then drops 
off rapidly as EVA-01 shuts down.  What could that correspond to?"

Maya frowned, looking more closely at the graph.  "I don't know," she 
replied, cocking her head to one side and trying to think.  "After it 
emerged from the Angel's explosion, EVA-01 stopped moving, and we 
didn't get an internal feed until the unit had shut itself down for 
retrieval.  Maybe Neil knows more about what happened."

Ritsuko nodded, then stood just as she heard the elevator into her 
level of the complex slide open.  Curious, she glanced towards the 
opening door, and her eyes widened slightly when she saw Fuyutsuki 
stepping out of it.  "Vice-commander," she said, quickly snapping 
herself into a fully standing position and bringing her right arm into 
a salute.  "What brings you here?"

"Errands," replied Fuyutsuki, waving for both Ritsuko and Maya to stop 
saluting.  "Commander Ikari wants to see the readouts of EVA-01's first 
sortie, but he's currently tied up with another aspect of the 
project."  He sighed, stepping over to the console and noticing the 
synchronization graph on the monitor.  "What brings you here today, for 
that matter?  I was under the impression that you didn't have to come 
in today."

"I don't," replied Ritsuko, nodding and turning to print the readouts.  
"But I wanted to take a closer look at EVA-01's data before we came 
back to work, to get a better feel for the machine's operating 
parameters."  She paused for a moment, then shrugged, hitting the 
button to print the information.  "Also, I wanted to check on the 
repairs for Unit 00.  We're taking a few measures to cut the expected 
repair time for the moment - until we get in the other Eva units that 
we're expecting, it seemed like the best plan to have at least one 
other machine ready to act as backup."

"You came in just to do that?" asked Fuyutsuki, sounding somewhat 
impressed as the printer began spitting out the pages that he'd 
requested.  "I'm sure that the crews would have been working on that.  
It probably wasn't -"

"They didn't have all the information," replied Ritsuko, stepping past 
Fuyutsuki and grabbing a large white folder with the NERV insignia in 
black on the front off of the balcony.  "I figured out a few ways to 
accelerate the machine's regeneration process while I was up last 
night.  I had the crews get started on it earlier this morning, but I 
prepared a second copy in case you'd like to review it."  She handed 
the folder to Fuyutsuki, who looked a little surprised.  "I would 
imagine it meets with your approval."

"Heh.  Sometimes you remind me a little too much of your mother."  
Fuyutsuki flipped open the folder and began to look through the sheets 
of paper, examining the processes described with some admiration.  A 
few of the passages caught his eye, and it took him a moment or two to 
realize that he'd seen something similar before.  "Is this based off 
of -"

Ritsuko nodded.  "Whenever my mother mentioned her, she sounded so 
hateful that I'd assumed she had done almost nothing for the project.  
Imagine my surprise when I found out that between her and the 
commander, most of the research had already been done when my mother 
became a part of the organization."  She glanced away, smirking 
bitterly at herself.  "Anyways, she'd put forth some of these theories 
in the most rudimentary forms - I was examining her papers and decided 
that we might be able to use some of them for repairing the Evas."

Fuyutsuki stared at Ritsuko for a moment, then remembered that he'd 
come for a purpose.  Glancing back at the printer, he realized that it 
had finished the readout, and he stepped over to it, picking up the 
neatly piled sheets of paper and tucking them against the folder that 
Ritsuko had given him.  "I'll show it to Commander Ikari, but I doubt 
he'll have any objections," he noted, stepping over to the elevator and 
pressing the small button beside it to open the doors.  "You're doing 
an excellent job, Dr. Akagi.  I'm impressed."

The elevator slid open, and Ritsuko watched as Fuyutsuki stepped in and 
the doors slid shut again.  Then she glanced to one side, realizing 
that Maya was staring at her, and she shook her head, feeling a little 
silly.  "Sorry," she offered, stepping back to the console she'd been 
working at and adjusting her glasses slightly.  "Let's look into this 
final synch spike a little more closely."

                                  ]++[

Neil had expected to find that the doctors had cut off his only good 
outfit in order to make sure that he was all right after the Eva's 
bizarre behavior, but much to his pleasant surprise he'd gotten them 
back completely intact.  Changing into them, however, proved to be a 
far less pleasant experience - they were stiff, slightly scratchy 
against his skin, and still reeked of the blood-scent of the LCL.  As 
he sat in the waiting room, having finally found a position that was 
fairly comfortable even with the awkwardness of the outfit, he hoped 
that a decent wash would get at least the scent out.

He'd learned only slightly more about the situation after the doctors 
came in to check on him after about an hour of waiting in the room with 
Ryo.  According to them, EVA-01 had shut down after he fell 
unconscious, and they'd run a full checkup of his body immediately 
afterwards, including an MRI and a few blood tests.  Everything had 
come up clean, which did virtually nothing to make Neil feel any better 
about his experience with the machine.  The only question that he'd 
really wanted answered was about the mental invasion that he'd gone 
through, and that didn't seem to have anything to do with his body.

Sighing, Neil opened his duffel bag and began to go through it for the 
book that he'd been reading on the plane to Tokyo-3 before he heard the 
unmistakable noise of high heels on tile.  Looking up, he saw Misato 
standing in front of one of the elevators, now wearing a slightly more 
conservative black skirt with a dark red blouse.  She also was wearing 
what looked to Neil like a red flight jacked with yellow piping around 
the shoulders - the same sort of jacket that he remembered Dr. Ikari 
wearing, although with different colors.  Zipping his duffel bag, he 
stood up, waving to her.

Misato noticed him, then walked toward him, the clicking noise of her 
heels all the more noticable by the fact that the waiting room was 
empty except for the two of them.  She stepped walked down the row of 
chairs that Neil had been sitting him, walking up to him with what 
looked like a genuine smile on her face.  "So," she announced, coming 
to a stop in front of him and examining him almost casually.  "How are 
you feeling?"

"Confused," replied Neil, grabbing his duffel bag and slinging it over 
his shoulder.  "Scared.  And now that I think about it, a little 
hungry, too."  He smiled weakly at his own joke, and Misato smiled 
back, either thinking he was funny or pretending to for his sake.  "So, 
they want me rooming with you?"

"Well, not specifically," replied Misato, gesturing towards the 
elevator.  She turned and started walking, and Neil followed, listening 
intently, having been wanting an explanation of his housing situation 
since one of the doctors had let it slip.  "They were going to place 
you in a free apartment closer to Central Dogma, but after what 
happened to you right after you got here it seemed a little unfair.  
Since my apartment has more room than I could use, I assumed you could 
stay with me."  She stopped and hit the button for the elevator, 
glancing at Neil with what seemed to be apprehension.  "Is that all 
right?"

"Perfectly fine," replied Neil.  The elevator dinged open, and Neil 
stepped on, wondering to himself if Misato had actually requested him 
to be housed with her or whether she'd been ordered to do it.  "Are we 
going to get lost going to your car, or have you gotten a little more 
skilled with the layout here?"

There was a half-second of awkward silence before Misato pressed the 
button on the elevator, then she chuckled and hit the button, smiling 
at him.  "The hospital is straight down from the parking lot.  That one 
I got right off the bat."  She flashed him a smile, flipping her hair 
back as she turned her head in a smooth motion that seemed natural at 
the same time as it seemed artificial.  "You'd better get used to the 
layout, too.  You're going to see a lot of Central Dogma, now that 
you're awake.  They'll give you a couple of days, of course, but once 
you have a little time, then -"

"I become their guinea pig," replied Neil, sounding a little disdainful 
as the elevator dinged to a stop.  "Of course.  No man makes a better 
test subject than one who chooses to be so."  He sighed, shaking his 
head and catching a stare from Misato as he stepped out of the elevator 
into the parking garage.  She followed him for a moment as he walked, 
then he stopped dead, hanging his head.  "Misato?  Can I ask you an 
honest question?"

Misato blinked for a moment, confused.  "Of course," she replied, 
stepping around so that she was in front of Neil.  "What is it?"

Neil cleared his throat, then swallowed hard.  "How dependent on me is 
NERV's defensive status?"  He paused for a second, but before Misato 
decided that he was done he started speaking again.  "Don't tell me 
that it isn't, because I can do the math.  I'm asking you a question 
when I know that I won't like the answer, so the least you could do is 
give me the honest answer I'm not supposed to know."

Staring back for a moment, Misato nodded, slightly put off by the 
conviction in his voice.  "There are other Evangelion units completed 
and fully operational, and the Marduk tests have indicated pilots for 
all of them.  However, other than 00 and 01, the units have all been 
constructed at different locations, and it'll take at least a week for 
any of the other units to reach Central Dogma assuming optimal 
transport time.  And when you consider training and everything 
else..."  She sighed, wanting to be able to mask things with words but 
failing.  "Bottom line, NERV isn't planning on anyone other than you 
and Ryo for at least two more weeks, and we're still not entirely sure 
how long it will take Ryo to recover."

"Put bluntly, I'm the only asset NERV has for the immediate future," 
Neil offered, fixing his eyes on a point that wound up coinciding 
nicely with Misato's feet.  He felt a vague sinking feeling in his gut, 
and tried to push it out of his mind.  On some level, he'd been hoping 
that Misato would tell him that there were others there, that Neil 
could go back to his home, but he knew that now there really was no way 
out.  "I guess at some point I should go back to the plane and get the 
other things I'd packed off -"

"You didn't think I'd just leave all of your belongings in limbo, did 
you?" asked Misato, grabbing his chin and bringing his face to eye 
level once again.  She flashed him a smile, and he smiled weakly back 
as she turned on her heel and began walking towards her car again.  
"Everything is already inside my apartment.  All that's left for you is 
to unpack it."  She smiled back at him again, a gesture that Neil was 
getting used to and starting to like.  "You're going to like staying 
with me - we'll make -great- roommates!"

                                  ]++[

"I'm home," announced Neil to absolutely nobody, staring into the 
absolute mess of Misato's apartment.  She'd warned him that it wasn't 
pristine, but just from what he could see of the dining room it looked 
like a federal disaster area.  Beer cans littered the floor, instant 
noodle cups were piled all over, and boxes remained stacked all over, 
as if they were a part of the furniture.  He could see two doors 
leading off of the room to what he assumed were the bedrooms, the 
kitchen past a counter to his right, and another door to his left.  
"Looks lovely."  He stepped forward, hoping he could figure out which 
was his room was his by simple elimination.

Misato let out a loud cough, and Neil froze in mid-step.  There was a 
slightly lowered area for a few steps inside of the apartment, 
something that Neil had been slightly curious about.  "You don't wear 
your shoes inside the house," she snapped, demonstrating by slipping 
off her heels just inside the lowered area before stepping up into the 
dining room.  Neil shrugged, then pushed off his sneakers roughly 
before stepping into the dining room.  "Sorry, but that's the way 
things work here."

"Don't worry about it.  My mom was anal-retentive about keeping dirt 
out of the rug too."  He glanced around for a moment, noticing that 
there was actually a narrow hallway leading from the dining room into 
what looked like a den.  "So, where do I room?"

"Right here," replied Misato, stepping up to the closest of the two 
doors and shoving it open.  The room was dark, but Neil could recognize 
his boxes from where he was standing.  "The bathroom is right there -" 
she pointed to the door to Neil's right "- and my room is near the den, 
over there."  She gestured down the hallway, and Neil craned his neck, 
noticing something that he assumed was a door and deciding that it 
ultimately didn't matter much.  "Any questions?"

"Where do we do laundry?" asked Neil almost instantly, stepping into 
his room and tossing his duffel bag onto the bed.  "This is my best 
outfit, but it stinks like blood from the LCL."  He thought for a 
moment, then reached up and felt his hair for a moment, feeling some 
unfamiliar flakes between the strands.  "Come to think of it, I 
probably need a shower myself.  I stink even without that stuff."

"I hadn't noticed," replied Misato, lying.  "The laundry room is a 
couple floors downstairs - I'll show it to you tomorrow, when I 
normally do my laundry.  For the time being, how about you go hop in 
the shower, and I'll order out for some pizza?"  She smiled softly at 
him, and he nodded, unzipping his duffel bag and grabbing his razor and 
towel.  "It'll be here in a couple minutes, so don't take too long.  
Pull the handle to turn on the shower."

Neil waved absently to Misato as he slid the door to the bathroom open 
and then closed, placing his razor on the sink and slinging his towel 
over the nearby rack.  The bathtub itself was fairly small, and the 
faucets looks old, but they were clean, and the knobs were tight enough 
that Neil was convinced of their reliability once the water began 
running.  He started the shower, letting it run and heat itself up for 
a moment as he began to undress, turning towards the mirror above the 
sink almost unconsciously.

There had been a bathroom at the hospital, but Neil had known that he 
didn't want to look at himself in the mirror there, knowing full well 
that he wouldn't be happy with what he saw.  Now he got to take a good 
look at himself, and he looked about as bad as he'd expected.  His 
hair, although not as bad as he'd imagined, had obviously not dried 
very well, and there were bits of dried LCL holding strands together.  
The clothes, too, were slightly colored, although his jeans were dark 
enough that he could only barely notice it.  His eyes looked bloodshot, 
and there seemed to be a scratch around the eye that the Angel had 
stabbed through in the Eva.  He looked, in his eyes, like he had been 
on a bender to end all benders, something that made him more than a 
little dissatisfied with himself.

Shaking his head, he took off his clothes, noticing that he looked a 
little thinner than before, and stepped inside of the shower, the rush 
of hot water making him feel better almost instantly.  Time, as far as 
he could observe, worked differently inside the shower, and he lost 
track almost as soon as he stepped inside, letting the heated air and 
the clean scent of soap distract him for longer than he could measure.  
By the time he stepped out of the shower, he knew that he'd taken 
longer than the couple of minutes that Misato had recommended, but he 
also knew that he felt better about himself than he had when he stepped 
in.

As he dried off, it took him a moment or two to realize that he was 
being watched.  Glancing up, he saw a penguin standing in front of him, 
a metallic collar around his neck, small metal claws attached to the 
end of his wing gripping a towel slung over his shoulder, yellow frills 
extending above his eyes with an indescribable expression on his face.  
"Hmm.  A penguin."  Neil went back to drying himself, then a moment 
later his brain fully understood what was going on.  "A penguin.  In 
the bathroom.  Watching me."

Misato was eyeing the pizza outside the bathroom, and finally, fed up 
with waiting for Neil, was about to take her first bite when she heard 
a crashing noise from the bathroom along with a startled shout.  She 
stared at the bathroom door as the sound of bare feet against tile came 
loudly for a minute or two, followed by the door sliding open to reveal 
a notably disgruntled and still somewhat wet Neil, towel wrapped 
tightly around his waist.  "Misato?" he asked, prompting her to put 
down the slice of pizza in her hand.  "Why is there a penguin in the 
bathroom?"

"Oh!  I guess you've met your other roommate ahead of schedule."  
Misato stood, elbowing past Neil to stare at the penguin in the 
bathroom, then looking back at Neil, who was still utterly baffled.  
"That's Pen-Pen.  He's one of those warm-water penguins engineeered 
after the Second Impact.  Sorry about that - I told him to wait."  She 
glared at the penguin, wagging her finger disapprovingly.  "Neil is 
just back from the hospital, Pen-Pen, and I told you to be nice to him!"

"Wark!" replied the penguin indignantly, glaring at Neil.  Neil glared 
back, then stepped back into the bathroom and snatched his clothes from 
the floor, walking out as decisively as he could.  He could wait to 
shave.  The penguin watched him go, then slid the bathroom door shut 
with a slam as soon as Neil was clear of it.  Neil glared back at the 
bathroom, then started walking towards his room.

"Don't be mad, Neil," pleaded Misato, and while he said nothing in 
response to her, he didn't slam the door as he went in, something that 
gave Misato hope.  "He's just used to being treated like a person.  I 
picked him up while I was working in NERV's European branch, over in 
Ireland, so he's been with me for longer than I've been back in 
Japan."  She picked up the pizza again, thinking for a moment as she 
heard shuffling noises in Neil's room.  "Are you coming out for dinner, 
or what?"

A second later, Neil's door opened and he stepped out, now wearing gray 
sweatpants and a blue t-shirt.  "Of course I'm having dinner.  I 
haven't had anything decent to eat since the night before I got on the 
plane to come over here."  He sat down at the low table with Misato, 
grabbing a piece of pizza and tossing it on a plate.  "Do you have any 
parmesan cheese?"

                                  ]++[

Arms folded beneath the pillow, Neil stared at the ceiling, pretending 
to be at least somewhere near sleep for nobody's benefit.  He'd taken 
the opportunity after dinner to set up a few of his more important 
possesions, including getting his old VCR to attach to Misato's 
television.  She'd been a little apprehensive about the project, having 
confessed some distrust of technology.  "We've got a DVD player," she 
had argued, though it came about the same time that Neil had already 
finished plugging the DVD box into the back of the VCR.  "Why use 
outdated machines?"

"There's more obscure stuff out there, the kind of things that don't 
get released or even re-released on DVD," replied Neil at the time, 
fiddling around and trying to plug in the VCR at the back of the TV.  
"Heck, by the time I was born, VHS was already on the way out.  I'm 
lucky that I've managed to get some of the real classics on tape before 
it was too late.  Most of my collection is back in America, but some of 
my favorites are here."

"You're a movie buff," Misato had offered, provoking an approving nod 
from Neil.  "Weird occupation, if you ask me.  They're just stories."

Neil had found that comment particularly amusing, and he'd finished 
connecting the VCR at almost that exact moment, so he was prompted to 
stand up and face Misato again.  "To you, maybe they're just stories.  
But I'm American.  Movies are what we use to remember the past, to 
express our values at a given time, to give our fears voices.  That's 
the beauty of American cinema - even when it's bad, it manages to say 
something about where our society is, what we're thinking."

He'd felt proud then, if only for a moment, as if he were in control of 
the situation.  At home, he never really got a chance to talk about his 
hobby passionately - his mother was disinterested, most of his friends 
were a part of the same hobby anyways, and he didn't have the charisma 
to attract others.  For that moment, he'd felt as though Misato were 
genuinely interested in his stories, that what he did for a hobby 
really meant something.

"But it doesn't mean anything, not really," he muttered to himself, 
finally starting to feel the effects of being in another country.  "I 
talk like I'm preserving my national heritage, but I'm really just 
having fun with something that I enjoy."  He chuckled, shaking his head 
and rolling over to his side.  "And talking to myself.  That can't be 
good."

After he'd finished hooking up the machines, the evening hadn't lasted 
much longer.  He'd shown Misato most of his movie collection, she'd 
feigned interest in a couple of titles, then she'd excused herself with 
the explanation that she was needed early over at Central Dogma, and 
they'd both gone to bed.  Neil still felt like an intruder, as if 
Misato had only offered to put him up out of guilt.  On the other hand, 
she'd seemed to genuinely enjoy dinner with him, saying that Sunday 
nights were best enjoyed with someone you could talk to.

Sunday.  The thought hadn't even occurred to him before, that it would 
be Monday the next day and he wouldn't be attending school.  The 
transfer paperwork that NERV had given him for his school had gone 
through without a hitch, but somehow he doubted that the organization 
had any particular interest in worrying about his education.  It wasn't 
his grades he was really worried about - he knew that with his grades 
and the way that his mother had made him study, he could make up for 
any lost time in school.  It was the fact that it was what normal 
people did, that other people his age would be going to school while he 
did nothing.

The irony of the situation - that he was exempt from school when he'd 
been planning on attending a special school - struck him somewhat 
bitterly, and he tried to laugh but could manage no more than a weak 
smile.  After the horrifying touch of unit 01's mind, the joke of the 
situation seemed a cold comfort.  Thinking on the situation, he knew 
that he wanted to go home more than anything, that the risk of losing 
himself to the machine's identity felt like it would choke him.

Closing his eyes tightly, he forced the experience out of his mind, 
remembering Ryo lying on the stretcher in front of the Eva and Misato's 
frank explanation about the state of NERV's defenses.  "I couldn't ever 
look myself in the eye if I walked away from this," he muttered to 
himself, clenching a fist under the covers unconsciously.  "This is 
what I have to do, what I need to do for the whole world."  He took a 
deep breath, then relaxed his eyes, feeling himself finally start to 
drift into sleep.

Without provocation, his mind started drifting back to the death of the 
Angel, his memories filtered through a red haze of one eye and the vile 
scent of LCL.  He remembered the sensation that he'd continued to 
experience as EVA-01 tore off the arms of the Angel and used one of 
them to blind the beast, of watching it writhe beneath him helplessly 
as the Evangelion forced away the beast's life.  Much to Neil's horror, 
he found a grin growing at the corner of his lip, and in the instant 
before he became fully aware of what he was thinking, he realized that 
he did want to pilot the Eva again, that he wanted to experience those 
sensations again.

Neil's eyes flew open, his breathing now coming harder.  Touching his 
forehead, he felt the faintest traces of a cold sweat along his brow.  
Sighing, he wiped off the perspiration, shutting his eyes tightly once 
again.  Sleep would be a long time coming tonight.

                                  ]++[

Gendou Ikari knew, on a purely academic level, that there were more 
important tasks that needed to be attended to, that he had more 
pressing matters which required his attention.  There was a pressing 
meeting with SEELE's council that required his presence in light of the 
Angel's return, the problem of EVA-00's recovery, dealing with Neil 
having no training, and other matters of a more administrative nature.  
However, he also had faith in his staff and their abilities, and he 
knew that they would be capable of sustaining themselves for five 
minutes while he attended to more personal matters.  "Hello, Ryo."

Ryo was looking better than he had earlier - some of the bandages had 
come off, and his movements seemed to be quicker as he turned to look 
at Gendou.  The doctor pulled a folding chair next to Ryo's bed, and 
the young boy looked at him for a moment with his red eyes before 
finally addressing him.  "Dr. Ikari," he said, his lips managing to 
curl into a slight smile.  "I didn't think you'd come.  You said that 
Mondays were always busy."

"You're down here by yourself unless I check on you," replied Gendou, 
smiling faintly himself.  "Fuyutsuki can supervise for the time it 
takes me to check in on you."  He chuckled, a thought occurring to 
him.  "I almost wish that Neil had taken longer to recover - it would 
have given you some company down here."

The comment was meant to cheer Ryo up somewhat, but Dr. Ikari could see 
by the sudden darkening of the boy's expression that it had succeeded 
at doing precisely the opposite.  "The Third Child," replied Ryo, his 
tone dearth of the slight joy that he'd expressed earlier.  "Dr. Ikari, 
I understand that my performance in 00 has been less than 
satisfactory.  However..."  He paused, struggling for the words.  "Is 
Neil Richelieu intended to be my replacement?"

For a second, Dr. Ikari was taken aback by the comment, the words 
stinging dangerously close to words he'd heard before.  Then he forced 
himself to regain his composure, his smile returning, glasses hiding 
the slight pain in his eyes.  "Your replacement?  Don't be foolish.  
Neil serves his own purpose at NERV, not yours.  You can't be 
replaced.  I promise."

"I see."  Ryo's gaze lingered on Gendou for a moment, then he stared 
back towards the ceiling, still seeming a little upset by the 
appearance of Neil.  "You probably need to get back to your work.  It's 
more important than spending time with me, I understand."

Gendou nodded, standing and adjusting his glasses again.  "Today is 
going to be a busy day, so I don't know if I will be able to see you 
again.  I would like to, but business has to come first."  He turned 
towards the door, glancing back towards Ryo over his shoulder.  "I've 
spoken with your doctors - you should be out of here within a day or 
so.  You're recovering wonderfully."

"Thank you for letting me know," replied Ryo, his voice completely flat 
again.  Gendou lingered a moment, then headed towards the door, 
grabbing the handle and preparing to step out.  "I'm sorry that you 
couldn't stay longer."

Quite to his surprise, Gendou found himself frozen in place, the words 
bringing him back in time, back to the time when he had said farewell 
to his son.  An apology for not being able to stay any longer was the 
last thing that he remembered saying on that day, the only salve that 
he could try to offer his son as he walked away from him.  Shinji had 
cried, he'd remembered - cried for his mother, pleaded with his father 
until his uncle finally made him stop, cried at nothing at all.  The 
thought gave Gendou more pause than he'd been expecting, and he froze 
for a moment, lost in memory.

A second later, he returned to the present, his mind once again focused 
on the jobs that he had to finish for the day and the meetings that he 
needed to attend.  "I'm sorry, too," he replied to Ryo, opening the 
door and stepping out into the clean hallways of the hospital, forcing 
thoughts of his son out of his mind as he began walking towards the 
elevator.  He had more pressing matters to deal with, and he couldn't 
be letting himself show weakness for emotions.

                                  ]++[

Misato watched Neil for a moment, his eyelids only half-opened and his 
hair still unbrushed as he downed his cup of coffee in one sitting, 
then reached for the pot again, pouring himself another cup as an 
almost automatic response.  "That's your third cup so far," she noted, 
taking a bite of oatmeal as Neil sipped the warm liquid again.  "Is 
there something I should know about?"

"Not really," Neil replied, only partially lying.  "I just didn't sleep 
well last night, and I need to stay awake if I want to finish 
unpacking."  He sighed, rubbing his forehead as his eyes began to 
regain their focus.  "Misato?  Do you know if any long-term studies 
were done on the effects that piloting an Evangelion can have on 
someone's mental state?"

"The Evas haven't been around long enough for anything like that," 
replied Misato, sipping her own coffee before frowning at Neil.  "Is 
something wrong?  As the commander of Operations, I can't have any 
serious faults in my pilots, or it reflects badly on both my division 
and me."  She paused a moment, then grinned sheepishly.  "Besides, I'd 
probably take a pay cut, and they barely pay me enough as it is."

"You'd make a good psychologist - you're worried about mental problems 
and money."  Neil took another long sip of coffee, trying to sound 
wittier than he felt.  "No, it's nothing, just can't seem to get the 
first battle out of my head.  It... well, it isn't what I'd been 
expecting to find in Japan."  He shrugged.  "Don't worry about it."

Staring for a moment, Misato nodded, apparently willing to trust Neil's 
judgement about the situation.  Something else tickled at the back of 
her memory, and it took her a minute to realize what it was, nearly 
spitting out her own coffee as she remembered.  "That's right!  We've 
got to figure out what you're going to do for school!  I think that 
there's a -"

"Don't worry about it.  I figured it out while I was trying to get to 
sleep next night."  Misato did something of a double take, and Neil 
shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant about the whole affair.  "I'm going 
to get in touch with my school back at home and see if I can't set up 
some kind of correspondence course going.  I'm used to learning more or 
less on my own anyways, and it's a private school, so they won't ask as 
many questions as long as the money's there."

Misato stared at Neil in surprise for a second, rather impressed that 
he'd though of so much in such a short period of time.  "You must not 
have gotten any sleep last night at all," she muttered, taking another 
sip of coffee.  "Wouldn't you rather go to the local school?  I mean, 
we couldn't transfer you in today, but Ryo goes there, and -"

"Language," replied Neil, prompting Misato to nod in recognition almost 
before he'd raised the objection.  "I know that they say the best way 
to learn a language is to find yourself immersed in it, but I doubt 
that this is what they mean by it.  I've got it all planned out.  
Consider it taken care of."

"I don't really have much choice in the matter, I suppose," replied 
Misato, taking one last bite of her oatmeal before standing and 
fluffing her hair one last time.  "Anyways, I have to get to Central 
Dogma on time today, so while I'd love to stay and chat, there are 
other things that drag me away."  She winked at him, stepping swiftly 
over towards the door, pausing only momentarily to grab her purse and 
slip her shoes on.  "Your keys are on the counter over there.  There's 
leftover pizza in the fidge.  Be nice to Pen-Pen!"  Throwing open the 
door, she burst out of the apartment, then took off running, heels 
hitting the tiled floor outside loud enough for Neil to hear even after 
the door had closed behind her.

Neil stared at the door for a moment, then took another sip of coffee, 
feeling worse about himself than he had before.  "I lied to her," he 
muttered, staring down into the steaming brown liquid as if it were 
about to offer him solutions to all his problems.  "She was just 
concerned about my school situation, and I lied to her.  What's wrong 
with me?"

Sighing, Neil finished his cup, reaching up and pouring another, unsure 
of what else he should do.  He was vaguely aware of the penguin walking 
over to the refrigerator and taking out a bucket of fish, more focused 
on his own woes than what the bird was having for breakfast.  "This 
isn't working too well for me," he muttered into the mug, drawing a 
stare from Pen-Pen.  "I think I need to take another shower, get 
dressed, then go for a walk."  He thought about the idea for a moment, 
then finally looked up at the penguin, who was apparently unconcerned 
with the prospect of being left alone.  "Do you know if Misato has a 
map of the city?"

Pen-Pen stared back at him for a second, cocking his head to one side 
as he squatted on the tile floor of the kitchen with his bucket of 
fish.  "Wark," he pronounced at length, shaking his head before 
bringing the fish back towards the refrigerator.  Neil sighed, 
shrugged, then put down his mug and headed towards his room, looking 
for something that he'd be willing to wear for the day.

                                  ]++[

Despite Neil's hopes for the contrary, the heat outside was still 
sweltering, doing little to make him feel any more comfortable in the 
unfamiliar landscape.  He'd known that the Second Impact had caused 
worldwide changes to weather patterns, but he hadn't expected it to 
make Japan universally uncomfortable.  Luckily for him, the teal shirt 
that he'd picked out was light enough to keep him from sweating to 
death, although he still had to leave it untucked and roll his sleeves 
up.  His attire had proven to be the lesser of his problems.

Finding a map, he'd found, was the harder problem to solve.  Most of 
the shopkeepers that he'd found spoke English, if a broken form of it, 
but finding a map that wasn't entirely in Japanese was difficult.  
Combined with the fact that he'd not had a chance to convert his 
dollars to yen, by the time he finally managed to buy a map he had 
wasted half an hour without accomplishing anything.  He'd gone back to 
Misato's apartment, unpacked the rest of his belongings, had a few 
quick bites of food, and then resolved to give the walk a second try, 
now armed with a map and a need to get fresh air.

So he found himself skirting the edges of the city, up in the foothills 
surrounding the city, walking along the sidewalk and occasionally 
glancing back into the heart of the city.  The buildings were now their 
proper heights, all of them standing as tall as Neil had expected 
before he'd come to the city.  It looked beautiful, in its own way, the 
gleaming metal and shimmering glass towering above everything.  In 
another way, it looked artificial, and in Neil's mindset it looked like 
a prison.

Coming to a stop as the road turned again, he leaned over the edge of 
the guardrail, staring straight down at the rather steep grade to the 
city before looking across the city once again.  "Why did I lie to 
Misato?" he muttered, thinking aloud largely because he doubted anyone 
else could speak reliable English in the area.  "Because I still want 
to deny that I'm here, because I know that I have to stay here."  He 
sighed, shaking his head at himself as he gazed at a couple of 
buildings that looked like they had the NERV insignia on them, 
facilities he assumed helped defend the city in lieu of a functional 
Evangelion unit.  "I should want to stay here.  I should be happy that 
I'm getting a chance to -"

A cough came from behind him, and Neil turned to see the source, a 
little surprised.  Sitting beneath a tree slightly up from the other 
side of the road was a young woman that Neil guessed to be about his 
age, wearing a teal-gray skirt and white blouse that Neil assumed was a 
school uniform.  She was slender, her body visibly well-shaped even 
from her sitting position, but it was her face that drew Neil's 
attention more than anything.  Framed by perfectly cropped black hair, 
it was what Neil imagined that Japanese poets had dreamed of for 
centuries, with high cheekbones, delicate features, perfectly shaped 
brown eyes, strong nose, a small mouth curling into a slight grin.  
"Sumi masen," she implored, waving to Neil's left slightly.

The speech caught Neil off-guard for a moment, then he snapped out of 
his admiration and realized that they didn't speak the same language.  
"Oh, crap," he muttered, rubbing his forehead and wracking his brain.  
"Okay, Misato went over this last night... um... je ne parle pas - 
wait, that's French.  Er... damn it, I remembere part of it..."  He 
stared up at the girl, who seemed to be waiting patiently with the same 
half-grin on her face.  "Um... American desu?"

"I know," she replied, smirking at him.  He gaped, and she giggled, 
apparently amused by the situation.  "I heard you talking to yourself 
before.  Sorry, I couldn't resist.  'Sumi masen' means 'pardon me.'  I 
was trying to look at the city, and you were in my way."

"Oh," replied Neil, feeling somewhat relieved at the fact.  He stood 
for a moment, then realized that he still hadn't moved.  "Oh, crap, 
sorry," he muttered, stepping over towards the tree quickly.  The girl 
laughed, then began sketching on the pad of paper resting on her knees 
as she stared out across the city.  "I'm Neil.  You would be?"

"Eiko Suzuhara," she replied, putting down the pencil she'd been using 
and offering her hand.  Neil took it, gave it a quick shake, then 
released it and let her get back to her sketchwork.  "I'm sorry - I 
didn't mean to take you away from whatever you were doing.  I just need 
to try and get this finished soon, or I think I'll go insane.  I just 
can't seem to get the light on the buildings right."

"Can I look?" asked Neil, receiving a hesitant nod from Eiko.  He took 
the sketchbook from her slowly, then looked at the drawing.  It wasn't 
perfect - as she'd said, the light off the buildings didn't look quite 
natural - but it was an excellent piece.  "You're good," he noted, 
flipping back through to some of the other works in the book.  "You're 
really good.  Are you a professional?"

"Heh.  I wish."  Eiko blushed slightly as Neil handed the sketchbook 
back, obviously unaccustomed to the praise he was offering.  "The last 
time I showed my work to an actual professional, he said that I'd never 
be good enough to get my own book.  That was a couple years ago, and 
I've been practicing as much as I can since then."

"If that's indicative of the results, you'll make him eat those words," 
replied Neil, hesitantly taking a seat next to the girl.  She seemed 
unperturbed, and he leaned against the tree, looking out over the city 
with her.  "That's your school uniform, isn't it?"

She nodded, then put her pencil down, craning her neck slightly to 
investigate him.  "Why are you here?" she asked, prompting Neil to 
scramble to his feet.  "No, I didn't mean sitting there, I meant here 
in Tokyo-3.  It's not exactly a tourist attraction, you're obviously 
not Japanese, and you don't even look like a tourist.  Are you a spy or 
something?"

Neil shook his head, sitting back down and feeling a little more at 
ease.  "I'd hope that someone would tell me if I was," he replied, 
smiling at the girl as she folded her sketchbook closed and folded her 
hands over her knees.  "I'm here on United Nations business from 
America.  I just couldn't stay cooped up inside my apartment any more.  
You ever get that feeling?  Like you need a breath of fresh air or 
you're going to suffocate?"

"You should try living at my house.  The way my parents talk about my 
drawing... sometimes I wonder if we're even related."  She shrugged, 
grabbing a small satchel and tossing the sketchbook in along with her 
pencil.  "They want me to be a lawyer, or a doctor, or something along 
those lines.  Never mind my test scores..."

"My mom's been pressuring me to be a scientist like her for years," 
replied Neil, rising to his feet as Eiko did, suddenly wondering if 
he'd said something wrong.  "I'm sorry, am I bothering you?  I can 
leave if you want me to.  You don't have to -"

Eiko shook her head, smiling at him before tapping her watch.  "I 
promised friends from school that I'd meet them down by the arcade in a 
little while, and it takes a few minutes to walk down there."  She 
hopped down to the sidewalk, then paused for a moment before smiling up 
at Neil.  "Why don't you come, too?  There's always plenty of room, and 
we need another person anyways now that my brother isn't around.  Or do 
you have something that you need to do?"

"Anything I have can wait," replied Neil, hopping down next to her and 
smiling back.  Something about Eiko made him feel a little more 
comfortable about where he was, as if he could have something like a 
normal life even with the fate of the world riding on his shoulders.  
"Lead the way, Miss Suzuhara."

                                  ]++[

Walking down from the hill with Eiko only further confirmed Neil's 
initial feelings about the girl and her comforting effects, the way 
that she had about her of making him feel like he actually was home.  
They talked briefly about their families, about their school, about 
what it had been like for Neil moving to Japan, everything.  He'd 
almost intended to mention that he was a part of NERV, but it didn't 
seem to come up, and as they approached what Eiko said was the arcade 
he'd begun to wonder if it really matter.  "Hold on a second," she said 
a few feet away from the building, sticking out her arm in front of 
Neil.  "I'll get them over here, we'll do introductions, and we'll all 
go in.  Okay?"

"Sure, I guess," replied Neil, shrugging as Eiko dashed across the 
street towards a pair of boys who looked nowhere near Japanese.  One 
was slightly shorter than than Eiko, with wavy dirty-blonde hair and 
wire-frame glasses.  The other was a head taller than Eiko, his hair 
bleached blonde and standing almost perfectly vertical, forming a 
dramatic series of spikes that Neil assumed were the result of 
excessive use of hair gel.  Both were wearing school uniforms - short-
sleeved white shirts and teal-gray pants - but the one who had been 
using too much hair gel was wearing a black windbreaker over his 
shirt.  Eiko conversed with them for a moment, then the three started 
walking towards the other side of the road, Neil doing his best to 
remain calm.

The trio came over to the other side of the road swiftly, and Neil felt 
his confidence rise slightly when he noticed that he was still a bit 
taller than the one with the windbreaker, even with the height his hair 
added.  "Okay, Neil, this is Vash -" she gestured towards the blonde, 
who extended his hand for Neil to shake "- and Kensuke."  The other boy 
simply nodded at Neil, extending his own hand for Neil only after Vash 
had gotten a handshake.  "Guys, this is Neil."

"Vash?" asked Neil, the name sounding a little odd on his ears.  "Is 
that a traditional Japanese name, or -"

"It's a nickname," explained Vash, striking a pose.  "My real name's 
Koji, but I've been a Trigun fan since I was old enough to watch it.  
Even modeled my hair after Vash."  Neil stared for a second, cocking 
his head, and Vash grew slightly frustrated, dropping the pose.  
"Trigun?  Big series over here?  Vash the Stampede, greatest gunman to 
ever walk the Earth?"

"Sorry," shrugged Neil, half-expecting Vash to be insulted.  The other 
boy stared for a moment, then shrugged back and slapped him on the 
shoulder.  "Just not my thing, I guess.  Maybe I'll check it out while 
I'm here - it looks like I'll be staying for a while."

"Neil's here with the UN," offered Eiko, waving to the lone car on the 
road to let them pass.  The car obediently came to a stop, and the four 
teens dashed across to the other side, the porcelain-white storefronts 
largely the same on both sides except for the more colorful arcade 
building.

"You're here with the UN?" asked Kensuke, suddenly seeming to perk up.  
Neil nodded, and he grinned broadly, apparently interested in the 
fact.  "Did you get to see the battle that went on a few days ago?  
That was amazing!  With the UN aerodrones, and that Evangelion thing, 
and that big black monster - it's a shame that most of the reporters 
didn't get any good footage of it, but I managed to get a couple good 
shots while the Evangelion was in the fray."

Vash's expression darkened, but Neil didn't notice, beginning to think 
that there might be some positive aspects to his obligation.  "I 
arrived here on the day of the battle," replied Neil, smirking at the 
other teen.  "I'm EVA-01's pilot.  They sort of threw me into the 
middle of things, but -"

Without warning, Neil saw Kensuke's expression darken for an instant 
before he felt the distinctive impact of a fist across his chin, a blow 
that he'd been unprepared for.  Staggering backwards, he rubbed his 
jaw, then looked up to see Vash recovering from the blow, rubbing his 
fist.  "What the hell was that about, Vash?" he asked, standing erect 
again.  "I just said -"

"Do you have any idea what you did in that thing, you idiot?" asked 
Vash, sneering at the other teenager venomously.  "If I'd known you 
were the pilot of the Evangelion, I wouldn't have even let you get this 
close to me.  You didn't have the vaguest idea what you were doing out 
there!"

"I wasn't really planning on being sent into the middle of a war zone, 
no," replied Neil, scowling back at Vash.  The people on the sidewalk 
were beginning to back away, looking a little apprehensive at the 
events.  "All things considered, I think I did pretty well."

"Pretty well?  You did more damage than the beast did!"  He lunged at 
Neil, and Neil stepped back this time, letting Vash's blow swing wild.  
Vash wasn't moving as if he were actually much of a fighter, and Neil 
could tell it from the way he moved - he was moving like someone from a 
movie, a stance familiar to Neil.  It was impressive to look at, but in 
an actual fight it didn't have much practical usage.  "You put Eiko's 
brother in the hospital!  You almost killed him!"

"Eiko's...?"  Neil's attention flew from Vash for an instant, looking 
behind him towards Eiko.  The expression on her face was easy to read, 
torn between what seemed to be two reprehensible choices.  His gaze 
narrowed, and in that instant Vash moved faster than Neil had been 
expecting, slamming him hard across the face again.  Neil fell 
backwards, hitting the white sidewalk hard and looking up to see Vash 
glare at him.  "Look, I might have screwed up, but I didn't have any 
training!"

"Then why the hell did you get in the machine?" replied Vash, grabbing 
the collar of Neil's shirt and yanking him up.  "If you knew that you 
weren't going to be able to do it right, why didn't you say so in the 
first place and save everyone a lot of trouble?"

Neil felt the same sort of red haze of anger that he'd experienced in 
the Eva drift over his vision, an all-too familiar feeling from his 
youth.  "Because I didn't have any choice," he snarled, lashing out 
with his fist towards Vash's nose.  The other boy was apparently not 
expecting Neil to hit back, and he moved back too slowly, letting 
Neil's fist slam directly into the brittle bone of his nose.  Vash 
staggered backwards towards Kensuke and Eiko, a thin red trail 
beginning to emerge from his left nostril.  "If I didn't pilot the Eva, 
the entire city would have been destroyed.  More people would have been 
hurt."

Vash touched his nose, then snarled up at Neil, a faint hint of blood 
on his fingers.  As his mouth began to open, Neil began to regret what 
he had done, wishing that he could turn back the pace of events and 
undo everything he'd done before, wishing that he'd just shut up about 
piloting the Evangelion.  "You could have killed my girlfriend's 
brother and my friend," he spat, drawing himself back up to his full 
height and staring at Neil dead-on.  "I still owe you one for that."

"You girlfriend?"  Neil glanced back at Eiko, and suddenly the 
expression on her face became much easier to understand.  Feeling like 
an absoulte idiot, he took a step backwards, away from the group.  
"I... I was just trying to protect the city.  I didn't mean to hurt 
anybody, really."  He looked up at Eiko, who seemed more concerned 
about Vash than anything.  "Please, believe me... I didn't mean to hurt 
people, especially not... I'm sorry."

Everything had been set up to go right, and Neil could tell that it had 
all gone wrong, Vash glaring at him, Eiko unsure of her emotions, 
Kensuke all but urging Vash to have another go at the other young man.  
Neil sighed, then turned away, pushing his way past the small crowd 
that had gathered towards what he knew was Misato's apartment.  He 
hated himself for hurting Eiko's brother.  He hated Vash for making him 
feel bad.  He hated the fact that Vash was dating Eiko.  But more than 
anything, he was hating himself for the instant that he had hit Vash.

As he glanced at his hand, still sore from the impact, he realized that 
he wasn't really angry because it had upset Eiko.  Clenching his fist, 
he let it swing down by his side, knowing that what truly made him 
angry at himself was the fact that he'd enjoyed hurting the other young 
man, that he'd felt good seeing him bleed.  He took a deep breath, then 
leaned against the nearest traffic light, closing his eyes for a moment 
before taking out the map and unfolding it.

                                  ]++[

It took Neil a moment or two to realize that Misato was staring at him 
as he stormed into the house, kicking off his sneakers violently as he 
stepped into the apartment and into the dining room.  "It hasn't been a 
good day," he muttered, flopping down at the opposite end of the table 
and wiping the thin film of sweat off his forehead for what seemed like 
the hundreth time.  "What are we doing for dinner tonight?"

Misato shrugged, taking a sip of her beer, now changed into the tank 
top and shorts that he remembered her in from her photo.  "I don't 
know.  I was waiting for you to decide."  He sighed, and Misato cocked 
her head at him, eyes wide.  "What went so wrong?  You seemed like you 
were in a good mood this morning."

"Things change," he growled, instantly feeling bad about it.  "I... I 
don't want to talk about specifics, really.  Just found out how much of 
an outsider here I really am."  He sighed, rubbing the back of his 
head.  "It's nothing that I'm not used to, but that doesn't mean that I 
like it much."

Frowning for a second, Misato seemed to be momentarily lost in thought, 
as if debating the best way to make Neil feel better.  "Well, look at 
it this way," she offered after a moment or two, holding up one hand 
with her fingers splayed.  "Number one, you've got me around, and I 
think you're a decent person.  Number two, you're the only person who's 
managed to pilot Unit 01, which is pretty impressive in and of itself.  
Number three -"

"Piloting the Evangelion was the whole problem!" he snapped, slamming 
his fist down on the table.  "I... I put somebody in the hospital 
because I wasn't good enough, because I didn't know what I was doing.  
What kind of a defender am I if I cause more damage than I fix?"

"Hey, don't talk like that," said Misato, leaning across the table and 
pushing Neil's head up to face her.  The warmth of her hand felt good 
against his skin, a thought that he found entering his mind despite his 
moral objections.  "Most people probably would have run away from the 
Evangelion when we told you to pilot it.  You got in, you did your 
best, and you did what you were supposed to.  More people would have 
died if you hadn't gotten into the machine."

"I know that.  I'm not that stupid."  Neil sighed, shaking his head and 
beginning to feel slightly better as he squeezed his eyes shut.  "It 
just feels so much more personal, knowing that somebody was hurt.  The 
fact that he would have been in a worse condition if I hadn't piloted 
the machine feels like cold comfort."

Neil felt a soft warmth around his shoulders, and he realized that 
Misato was sitting next to him, squeezing him around the shoulder.  He 
blushed, something that the woman didn't seem to notice.  "Don't let it 
get you down.  Let it push you forward.  The next time an Angel 
attacks, remember what you did wrong and be ready to not make the same 
mistake twice."  She noticed his face and squinted at him.  "Is 
something wrong?"

A distinct scent hung on Misato's breath, something that Neil had 
gotten accustomed to through means that he would have rather not dealt 
with.  He felt a familiar tension rising in his gut, remembering his 
father and the way that he'd acted towards Neil.  Swallowing hard, he 
looked away from Misato for a moment, then back at her.  "You're drunk, 
aren't you?"

"Little bit."  She giggled, and Neil felt some of his tensions melt 
away, noting that Misato seemed to be in somewhat better control of 
herself than his father had ever been.  "I'm more hungry than I am 
drunk, though.  So what do you say we figure out what we're going to do 
for dinner, then eat, then sit down to one of your wacky old movies?"  
She slapped him on the back, grinning broadly at him.

"Sounds good," Neil replied, smiling back and receiving another hearty 
pat on the back for his approval.  "Anything you had in mind?"

                                  ]++[

For the second night in a row, Neil found himself lying in his bed, 
eyes wide open, sleep evading him as if it were a physical construct.  
Images of Eiko and Misato both danced in his head, inviting him to do 
what he assumed most other boys his age did in his situation, and he 
could feel parts of his body unconsciously responding to the thoughts.  
He sighed heavily, clenching his fists underneath his pillow and trying 
not to think about what was flooding his mind.  "I'm disgusting," he 
muttered, feeling the temptation growing slightly.  "I shouldn't even 
want something like that."

Eiko's face kept drifting across his memory, almost as if it were 
haunting him.  All he'd meant to do was impress her and her friends, 
make them think that he was something special.  Instead, he'd made them 
hate him, made them think he was the lowest form of life.  It was a 
moral impasse - he wanted to run away, because he knew that would mean 
he didn't have to face them again, but he also knew that he couldn't 
run away, that NERV was depending on him.  And he also wanted to see 
Eiko again, wanted to make her smile again.

"And to feel Misato's touch again," he muttered, recalling the sort of 
perfect warmth that her body had radiated, the scent that lay 
underneath the sharp, noxious haze of alcohol.  Before, he hadn't 
thought much about her, hadn't really addressed the immensely 
attractive woman that he'd first seen in a photo and found to be in no 
way diminished by reality.  He'd had a gigantic monster and a crazed 
bloodlust to deal with at the time, more pressing issues.  Her embrace 
changed that, made her more real, more tangible.

Reality.  That was what he found himself drifting back to, over and 
over.  The Evangelion, NERV, Misato, Eiko, Tokyo-3, Ryo lying on a 
hospital bed, even Pen-Pen - all of it had felt misty and without 
substance before, images battered at him at such speed that he couldn't 
really process any of them.  Everything seemed at though it were 
bleeding out of the abstract into the realm of Neil's world, as if 
something he'd thought of as nothing more than a particularly involved 
daydream was being given length.

He couldn't run away from it.  He couldn't avoid it.  NERV was his 
reality, the Eva's perfect green eye an unmistakable truth.  Feeling 
his hands begin to shift unconciously underneath his pillow as the old 
thoughts began returning despite his best efforts, he clenched his 
fists tighter, straightening his body and turning to lie facedown on 
the bed.  "Guess I'm in this for the long run," he muttered to the down-
stuffed fabric.  "Whether I like it or not."

                                  ]++[

Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by 
GAINAX and company.  It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic, 
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with 
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.  
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the 
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.

Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.

Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the 
Japanese portions of the story.  He might not know much Japanese, but 
that's more than I know.

Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.