From: eltf@hotmail.com (Eliot Lefebvre) Subject: [Eva][Fanfic] Neon Epoch Evangelion: Episode 20 X-Original-Date: 6 Jan 2003 11:51:20 -0800 Don't you worry about the pre-story warning. Let -me- worry about blank: This fanfic is an original take on GAINAX's "Shin Seiki Evangelion." It contains alternative characters, plots, and a different overriding internal logic. It is intended, from the beginning, to be different. This includes different Children and different histories. In short: if the mere thought of someone other than Shinji in the cockpit of EVA-01 makes you queasy, you are in -entirely- the wrong place. Any and all flames stemming from this alteration will be mocked mercilessly. You have been warned. Okay, the teaser quote is -definitely- in there now. (Yes, I realize that it's still not corrected in the version on lostfactor.net. We've been getting hit pretty hard by the snow up here in CT, and that means that I've had to scale back on the amount of stuff I, well, do. Other than playing lots of Metroid games, there's been relatively little action in the area.) ]++[ ]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[ presents ]+ NEON EPOCH +[ ]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[ ]+ EPISODE 20: SCARRING LIGHT +[ By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX ]++[ Then the king told the attendants, "Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." - MATTHEW 22:13 ]++[ Gendou Ikari resisted the urge to smile, much less the desire to outright laugh at the black monoliths hovering about him serenely. He knew that he could not yet afford to be openly contemptuous of SEELE and its power, knew that there were still many things that remained to be done before the project neared the point where he could be assure of its success, but he also knew full well that he would not be sitting in the room and speaking with SEELE if his triumph was not growing ever closer. "I must admit some confusion as to the purpose of the meeting," he said slowly, hands tented before his mouth as the miniscule amount of light reflected flatly off his glasses. "There seems to be little to discuss at the moment." "EVA-01 has generated an S2 organ," replied the harsh voice that Gendou recognized as that of the chairman, eminating vaguely from the monolith directly in front of him. "That in and of itself is more than worth discussing." Gendou did not reply, simply staring at the black slab of holographic imagery, the number one printed on it in burning red letters. "The Evas must not be allowed to generate the organ. That was made clear from the beginning of the project." "Rubbish," replied Gendou, trying his best to surpress the urge to sweat and panic, knowing full well that he was pressing his luck noticably. "It has been planned since the beginning that at least two S2 organs would be necessary for the completion of our goals. The fact that 01 has generated one only obviates the need for one of artificial origin." "That Eva is of different circumstances," bellowed one of the other old men, the voice distinct from the others while at the same time being more or less unremarkably angry. "Allowing it to generate an S2 organ brings it dangerously close to a full awakening, and that cannot be allowed to happen. Man cannot be in control of a god." "You have been attempting to control this god, haven't you, Ikari?" asked another voice, virtually indistinguishable under casual observation, the differences minute enough to be irrelevant. "You selected the pilot for your own reasons, nothing more. The only other person that the Eva has ever taken into itself... how much effort did you put into finding the Third Child specifically, making sure that he was the one who was given the machine?" "None," replied Gendou, his tension growing beneath his skin but remaining hidden from the sight of the monoliths about him. A quick adjustment of his glasses gave him enough of a tension relief to continue, a skill practiced from years of failure. "The Third Child was in Tokyo-3 at the right time, nothing more. By all of our knowledge, he had already departed at the time of the Fourteenth Angel's attack, and the record will clearly show that we made no special effort to retain him as the pilot of the machine." "Do not presume that your treatment of the Father is our only concern, Ikari," snapped the voice of the first monolith, drawing quiet murmurs from the other eleven slabs of holographic stone. "EVA-02 and EVA-03 have both been destroyed. We have lost two links in the chain, and the Human Instrumentality Project has been severely slowed by your irresponsible handling of the machines." Gendou wanted to laugh at the statement, at the harsh disapproval the council was showing for the realities of the situation, but instead he simply let himself adjust his glasses once again. "Destroying EVA-03 was necessary in order to break the thirteenth seal. And EVA-02 was destroyed at the hands of Zeruel. This was a known risk at the beginning of the project." He considered shrugging for a moment, then decided against it. "There are high stakes in this project. Setbacks cannot be avoided altogether." "And your entire presence is centered around minimizing those risks and accelerating the project, Ikari," snapped the voice from the head monolith, the chairman obviously growing irate from Gendou's statements. "There will need to be additional Evas produced, additional risks taken, all as a result of this failure on your part. This is unacceptable." "The production of additional Evas is only a tertiary concern, however," intoned another of the monoliths, the tone measured and perhaps the least angry of all the voices that came from the holographic images, as though it had simply accepted the idea that Gendou was betraying the lot of them. "All the evidence we have seen points to you attempting to control the Father above and beyond our ultimate goals." "Your evidence is faulty," replied Gendou, his tone flat and unworried, the stress slowly seeping out of his body. He knew that SEELE's suspicions might point in the correct direction, but he also knew that they could not have nearly enough proof to justify any kind of removal for him, a position that he knew was only beginning to waver. "The work that I have done towards achieving our ultimate goals has far outweighed any setbacks. The Human Instrumentality Project continues with greater speed than we had originally thought possible, and only three seals remain upon the Chamber of Gaf. Evidence aside, there is outright proof of these facts." Tense silence permeated the air like oil through a rag, almost eagerly awaiting the single spark that would send the room into commotion. "You are being watched, Ikari," said the voice of the chairman, the cold and hateful voice of Keel Lorenz, the only voice amongst the monoliths that Gendou could place without doubt. "We have more eyes and ears than you would think, and if you continue to press your luck with us there will be repurcussions." "I am certain," replied Gendou, letting the thinnest smile drift across his lips, hidden by his white-gloved hands as the black monoliths winked out of existence about him. A moment or two passed before he rose from his desk in the center of the room, adjusting the black jacket he wore before turning towards the door the he knew lay just behind him, the gateway from what he had grown to consider as the center of hell. Before he could reach the door, however, it hissed open of its own accord, the slender body of a young girl silhouetted in his eyes from the fluorescent light of the hall behind her. "They are growing suspicious," she said, her tone flat and emotionless, body rigid as she stared at the elder man walking towards her with measured steps. "Are you going to send the Third away again?" "Hardly a need for that, is there?" replied Gendou, the smirk disappearing from his lips as he stepped towards the doorway. His feet sounded heavy against the empty metallic floor of the room, as though he was carrying an immense burden upon his shoulders. "SEELE believes some facts correctly, some facts incorrectly, and we grow ever closer to being free to cut our ties with them completely. They lack the initiative or the option to destroy us unless we prove an outright threat, and by the time we reach that stage of development it will be far too late for them." "Yes, sir," replied the girl, turning halfway out of the door, light filtering through her thin hair. "I heard them mention that they have spies amongst us. Have you considered who it might be?" "I would imagine either Fuyutsuki or Kaji, but neither of them seems to fit the profile. Fuyutsuki is far too involved in the project for them to lack the information they need to incriminate me, and Kaji is far too human to suit their needs." He smiled thinly, his steps leading him closer to the girl, mind drawing the few connections necessary for the resemblance between her and another almost idly. "I have minor suspicions for others, however. Whoever it is, they cannot possibly tell SEELE enough for it to matter." ]++[ Neil had grown uncomfortably accustomed to the sensation of incoherent images and blackness fading into nothingness, making the transition from sleep to wakefulness still slightly disquieting even with a few day's distance between he and the inside of the Eva. It took him a few moments to regain his bearings, the physical shape of the room slowly solidifying in his eyes, his hands closing gently around the soft warmth of Nieve's skin as her rubbed his eyes with his spare hand. "I'm at Misato's," he whispered, keeping his voice quiet enough to avoid waking the girl beside him, a gentle sigh escaping his lips as he lay back on the bed once again. Steady breaths kept him focused as Nieve stirred gently beside him, her arms reaching out and encircling him once again, the thinnest rays of light from the morning sun filtering around the shades over the window. There were still moments when he needed to reassure himself that he was actually freed from the hold of the purple golem, that he wasn't simply waiting for the next torment to emerge from the mind of his double, the swirling seas of light to bleed away his material existence. It was worse than the nightmares that he had grown accustomed to within sleep, a sort of perpetual terror running through his body with no certainty that he would eventually awaken. Nieve's presence was a warm anchor, a body that felt and tasted and smelled real, even neglecting the emotional connections. Reaching out gently, Neil stroked the girl's hair strewn gently across the bed, letting his thoughts drift as the golden beams of light played across them, throwing into stark relief the folds of the sheets around their bodies. "I missed you, Nieve," he muttered, his eyes growing wistful as he remembered their first awkward night together after he had returned. He'd expected that she wouldn't want to sleep beside him, but when he had prepared to go to sleep she had appeared inside his room, pillows in hand, her eyes leaving little doubt as to her absolute intentions. His gentle motions slowed as Neil found his thoughts drifting further, idly wondering what the other Children had been doing. The medical staff had insisted that he stay as inactive as possible, though whether the request sprang from concern for his well-being or a desire to keep their medical miracle pristine for some time was relatively difficult to gauge. That had meant little interaction with the other Children, combined with the fact that he hadn't been called in for synchronization testing. "I wonder if Eiko still hates me," he muttered, tilting his head towards the wall and letting the sun glare slightly into his eyes. "Heck, I wonder if -Vash- still hates me." The girl beside him stirred, and Neil realized he'd been speaking too loudly, her deep green eyes slowly fluttering open as Neil inwardly scolded himself. "Mmph... morning," she muttered, obviously still tired as he rolled to face her, her arms stretching over her head as her back arched slightly. "You sleep okay, Neil? You were tossing around a lot." Giving a weak smile, Neil reached over to the girl's hair, letting some of it fall between his fingers as he idly stirred it around, somewhat preoccupied by his previous train of thought. "Just been a little uncomfortable lately," he replied, inwardly wincing at the thought that he was holding something back from her. He knew that she didn't deserve it, that after the way she'd stayed with him and not given up after his excursion inside the Eva she was owed something more than half-truth answers and intentional vagueness. A minor pang of guilt sloughed through his body, his smile remaining frozen on his face through sheer force of will. "You're thinking about something big. I can tell." Nieve's voice was playful with only the slightest edge to it, her exhaustion seeming to evaporate as she rolled onto her stomach and looked towards Neil. Golden sunlight shone against her eyes, provoking an unintentional smile from Neil that in turn made Nieve even more certain of what was going on. "You -are- thinking about something. Come on, Neil, share with me. Let me know what's going on." "It's nothing," replied Neil, shaking his head gently as he wondered idly why he was denying the obvious fact of the matter, one hand tensing ever so slightly as he stared at the girl on the other side of the bed. "Just... well, thinking about synch testing, actually. NERV hasn't called me in since I was retrieved, and it's sort of strange." He paused, then flicked his eyes across the girl's face, noticing that she was biting her lower lip, inwardly scolding himself again for the fact that he hadn't remembered about her Eva's fate. "I'm sorry. You probably haven't had any testing, either." "No, I still go in. They're using EVA-05 as a replacement for my testing, a substitute until such time as more permanent arrangements are made." The girl sighed, shaking her head and rolling over once again, folding both hands behind her head and the pillow as she stared up at the ceiling. "Misato's offered to let me have a minor position up in the command room during Eva missions, as a sort of consolation prize for not having my Eva any more. I think she sees it as the same thing, like I'm still getting to be in the action so I shouldn't be upset about it." "But you don't want to watch, you want to pilot," replied Neil, a thin smile working its way across his lips as the girl nodded. Outside the room, they could both hear the noise of Misato beginning her preparations for the morning, the awkward crashes and angry sounds of clattering furniture filling the apartment. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'd let you pilot 01 if you wanted to." The words seemed to have the exact opposite effect of what Neil was hoping for, and Nieve's faint vestiges of a smile evaporated as she flicked her eyes towards Neil. "That's your machine, though," she said, her voice sounding calm but betraying a notable tension beneath it, body slowly turning to face the boy beside her. "Hell, I don't want -you- to stop piloting the Evas, I don't understand why NERV is letting an idiot like Vash stay on as a pilot instead of me. You're actually good at your job." "Yeah. Yay for me." The boy sighed, shaking his head, idly wondering in the back of his mind why he'd bothered to mention it in the first place. He knew that the girl wouldn't want his machine - not that he could blame her - and he knew that one way or another he would still have to get in the cockpit again, even if it was only for a few moments. Part of him even remembered how determined he had been to get himself out of the Eva and return to pilot again, to go back to being a defender for the city instead of a destroyer. But he couldn't shake the fear cloying at the back of his mind, and as he looked at Nieve he knew that he wasn't ready to tell her that fact. "Sorry. I just want you to be able to pilot. I know how much it means to you." "I know. You're a sweetie." Nieve let a minor grin float across her mouth, then she leaned towards the boy and let her lips press against his forehead in a quick kiss, the sheets rearranging and falling from her bare shoulder as she moved towards him. "Now come on. Misato's probably going to be cranky today anyways, and I'm still rather fond of the idea of having breakfast with you." She paused, then winked. "You have been gone for a month, after all." Forcing another smile, Neil pushed himself up as Nieve tossed herself out of bed, thin nightshirt allowing the sunlight to play across her pale skin as she walked towards the door. Part of the boy was still preoccupied with the girl's beauty, amazed at the fact that she still wanted to be with him, constantly half-expecting to blink and find that she'd vanished into nothingness. But as he looked at her he couldn't help but think of his time speaking with his double, the way that he'd been taunted, the nagging question of whether or not he was simply staying with Nieve to hurt her. ]++[ Vash was sick to death of the metallic chambers that had become his existence for nearly a month, the pale whitewashed rooms of the medical wing and the oppressive teal-gray that the entirety of Central Dogma seemed to be colored. Had it been up to him, he would have happily avoided the facility for the rest of his natural life, freed at long last from the necessity of hospital care. "But there's still an Eva that needs a pilot," he sighed, rubbing the back of his head idly as he walked along the hallways, fluorescent lights flickering in his eyes. His hair still hadn't entirely restored itself to its previous state of spikiness, partially due to the fact it had been forced out of it for so long after the Thirteenth Angel's attack. Part of it, however, was that he'd found himself lacking the energy to bother with it, even though his father had mocked him when he'd mentioned it over dinner. In the back of his mind, he knew that the black roots were beginning to show, that he needed to die it blonde once again or it would begin to look particularly like his father's. Still, something in him didn't seem to catch the severity of the fact, as though it was more of a distant problem than the crisis that he always recalled it as before. Part of it, he supposed, simply sprang from the changes in the world around him. The school had shrank noticably in size, and throughout the city there were signs of sudden movements. Vash had never been very good at social sciences, but he could see and understand what was going on around him, and he knew that there were some serious doubts in the minds of Tokyo-3's population about NERV's ability to repulse the Angels. He knew full well that there were fewer people who would be watching him, fewer students who thought that he was the hero of the school, and that in and of itself was depressing. But as he turned the final corner towards the locker room, he found himself wondering if he simply had ceased to care about the act altogether, if the effort of maintaining his appearance so meticulously hadn't become more trouble than it was worth. It was a nagging thought at the back of his head, freed and allowed to drift as he stepped towards the door into the locker room, turning on his heel as the metal gateway slid open with its characteristic hiss and whir. Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside of the locker, his hands balling into fists as the doors slid shut behind him. It took a moment for the smell of half-wet towels and mildew to assault his nostrils, but he had grown accustomed to the scent enough to avoid wincing, stepping lightly towards the third row of lockers furthest from the wall. There were far more lockers in the room than were necessary, more than enough to keep all of the Children in a single locker room, a thought that made him smile even as he stepped over to the small vertical chamber with his name stenciled on the front. A deep breath, and he undid the latch holding the locker closed, letting it swing open as he surveyed the interior. The plugsuit hung limply within, a field of purple fabric broken by a few black pieces. Vash had almost expected that they would have given him a different plugsuit to correspond with the change in his Eva's colors, but he could easily understand that NERV had bigger things to worry about. Reaching in, he drew out the fabric, placing it firmly against the wooden bench that sat in front of the lockers before removing his shirt, tossing the garment into the metal container before sparing a moment to survey the seam between his left arm and his body. Although the doctors had told him that there would be virtually no difference between the artificially-cloned flesh and his own skin, he could still tell the difference, could still see thin lines between the shoulder and his chest, the telltale marks of where his real arm had been before. Certainly, it was reassuring to still have both arms, and he doubted that he would have even been allowed to continue piloting an Eva if he hadn't been given his limbs back. But as he flexed the arm and began to undo his pants he couldn't help but feel the inexplicable otherness of the arm, a sort of nagging reminder that it wasn't the same as the arm he'd been born with. "Except it is," he muttered to himself, letting his trousers fall to the floor and idly scuffing them away. Being naked in the locker room made him uncomfortable, even with the emptiness of the room, and he decided to don his plugsuit before putting his clothes in the locker, grabbing the suit and taking a quick moment to make sure that he was putting it on correctly. His legs slipped easily into the still-loose fabric of the legs, and he tugged hard on the suit to bring the thin coverings fully around his lower body before slipping one arm and then another into the sleeves. Much to his surprise, he found the left arm slightly uncomfortable inside the sleeve, as though it had been tailored for someone with slightly smaller arms. Shaking his head, he reached over to his back and pulled the halves of the suit together, tugging up the zipper that would close the suit around his back and neck. "Vash?" His head jerked up at the sound of another voice, and as the door hissed open his brain ceased any effort to try and figure out whose voice it was in light of the fact that it was both female and entering the locker room. A moment of panic followed, then the boy jumped backwards awkwardly, loose plugsuit flopping around horribly as he pressed himself against the side of the row of lockers. A moment of tension passed through his body before he realized that it was Eiko's voice, and with a sigh he shook his head and finished drawing up the seal in the back of the suit, letting the collar clamp shut tightly around his neck. "You know, hon, this is the -men's- locker room," he said, sounding more annoyed than gratified as he pressed his thumb against the button on the wrist of the suit. The hissing noise of air escaping filled his ears as the suit tightened to a skintight fit, still feeling slightly awkward around the left arm but not too unnervingly so. "You're not supposed to come in here." "Your dad said that you had already left, and I assumed that this was the first place you'd go." Vash's hand tightened into a fist involuntarily at the mention of his father, and he closed his eyes for just a moment before stepping out from behind the locker. Eiko was standing at the other end of the row, hands folded behind her back, her loose tan pants folding around her legs as she took a step towards him and tugged on the tight red shirt she wore. "I had wanted to see you before you got here. To talk to you a little before the activation." "Plenty of time for that," replied Vash, gathering up his pants and tossing them into the locker, a vague metallic clank muffled by the fabric. Shutting the door to the chamber with the seemingly unavoidable sound of metal crashing together, Vash stepped slowly towards Eiko, shaking his left arm gently to try and get accustomed to the feel of it inside of the plugsuit. "The actual activation won't start for at least an hour - they've got other things they need to be sure of first, making sure that the Eva has its eject systems working, all that fun stuff. Nothing they couldn't have done before." He shrugged. "What do you want to talk about?" Eiko's mouth opened halfway, then closed as she stepped forward and sat down on the cold wooden bench, her right hand patting the spot slightly to her right. Vash, getting the message, stepped over and sat down, the chill of the wood cutting clear through the thin fabric sheathing his body. "I just..." She paused, shaking her head for a second before turning back towards the boy. "You haven't really been talking about this at all, and every time I try to bring it up you change the subject. I'm... worried, I guess. About whether or not you're ready to do this." "What do you mean?" asked Vash, inwardly feeling a brief surge of anger at himself for letting his weaknesses show through as he forced a smile. "Of course I'm ready for this. I'm -Vash-, savior of the planet!" The smile broadened, and the boy stood, hands planted squarely on his hips as he stared off into the distance, his mind wishing that he had some way of seeing Eiko's reaction to know whether or not it was working. "The people of Tokyo-3 -need- my skills as a pilot, and a hero like me could never turn them down." "Vash, could you be serious for just a second here?" The girl's tone was surprisingly harsh, and Vash turned towards her with halting steps, his blue eyes lighting on her without any idea of what to expect. He'd assumed that he'd given her the vaguest inkling about how he truly felt in regards to the Eva, but obviously he'd let his appearance slip more than he'd initially thought. "If you don't want to pilot the Eva, you don't have to. Nobody would think less of you, especially after what you've been through." The boy felt his muscles tensing at the girl's words, eyes flashing with a momentary anger before dulling back into confusion. She was lying, something that he could never remember her doing before, and it made him more than a little distressed at the thought of how obvious his reluctance to pilot truly was. "Hon, come on, I -want- to pilot the Eva again," he said, forcing himself not to let the nagging nervousness beneath his voice show, the grin on his face wavering only slightly as though he was simply taking her seriously. "Really." He struggled internally to come up with something more convincing, but nothing sprang forth as Eiko's eyes slowly drifted to meet his. "Would I lie to you?" "No," replied Eiko, sounding only fairly certain of her words. She sighed, shaking her head gently as Vash sat down beside her again. "I'm sorry, I just... you just really haven't said anything about it, not even to me. You've been acting kind of odd lately." A gnawing pain flared to life in Vash's chest, like something slowly clawing away at the walls of his heart in a desperate attempt to free itself. Bad enough that he'd been acting obviously different, but Eiko's words merely drove home a point that he'd already guessed at, and his right hand tightened into a fist involuntarily as he raised his left to squeeze her around the shoulders. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice echoing gently off the metal lockers surrounding the two. ]++[ Light trickled in slowly through the drawn shade, the golden energy dancing lightly about the room and shedding the vaguest bit of visual interest into the bland gray walls. It had hardly been necessary to wake Ryo up, but as he swiftly buttoned his shirt he was struck by the coincidence that he had woken with the rising sun, a sort of accidental symmetry that he hadn't expected or planned. Still, it had no bearing on his routine, and he knew that he was suppose to ignore it entirely, to simply continue with the path that he had been given by Dr. Ikari. Quick motions of the fingers buttoned his shirt, then he stepped out of his loose pajama bottoms and towards his pants stretched out immaculately on the bed. It was the same way that he had gotten dressed every day for as long as he could remember, slight alterations made over time but the basic flow unchanging. His underwear slid on first, then the pants, tucking the shirt in about the waist before buttoning and then zipping the pants, right sock before the left, never put on socks while standing. But something was nagging Ryo today, a small little voice in the back of his head that he couldn't quite place as he sat down to slip on his socks. Folding his right leg over his left, he felt the vaguest hints of frustration tickle at the back of his mind, knowing he was breaking routine slightly simply by questioning it. Part of him wanted to experiment, to try putting the left sock on first, to dress differently, to somehow break the routine that had been set for him for so long. It was an odd sensation, one he didn't have a precise word for simply due to inexperience. Shaking his head so gently that it might not have been visible to a casual observer, Ryo stood from his bed and walked to the door, opening it and stepping out in one smooth motion, then closing the door behind him. He stepped down the hall calmly, arms swinging in precise rythyms, one hand balling into a fist as he reached Niobe's door and turned to face it. "Niobe," he said flatly, knuckles rapping gently against the surface of the wood. "It's time for breakfast." Niobe wished, almost idly, that the boy had woken her up, that she had been deep within the relaxed slumber of someone who had earned their daily rest. As he fingers gripped the pillows about her more tightly, the fabric dampened from the cold sweat that had ripped through her body in the depths of the night, she let herself entertain the thought for just a moment, letting the reality of her body become one with the dark room around her. "I'm not hungry," she said, her tone just as flat as Ryo's, her teeth closing gently around her lower lip in an effort to avoid tears once again. "I'll be out later." Ryo turned towards the kitchen, but before he had completed his motion he froze, the nagging sensation in the back of his head growing stronger. He knew that according to routine, Niobe's presence at breakfast was completely irrelevant, that all his routine dictated was that he notify her when it was time for her to rise from bed if she wasn't already active. But something about the routine seemed off, as though he'd taken the steps for granted, that there was something missing despite the fact that he'd followed the routine to the letter. It was, he realized, similar to the time in Misato's apartment, the way that he'd felt a nagging presence at the back of his mind as he spoke to Nieve, as though he'd missed a step even though he knew that he hadn't. That situation still baffled him, but slowly he turned back towards Niobe's door, wondering if somehow the two necessary breaches of routine were connected somehow. "Niobe," he said, his voice still flat as he knocked on the door once again, seeing if simply repeating the step would correct the problem. "It's time for breakfast now." "Yes, I -know-," replied Niobe, her teeth biting harder against the chocolate skin of her lower lip, flushing the skin around her lip a light pink from pressure. "I'm just not hungry right now." Her stomach growled a protest, but she had no interest in listening to it, knew in the back of her mind that it was better to be hungry for a while than to let Ryo see her and what she'd become. "I'll come out a little later, around nine or so. Then I'll head down to Central Dogma for testing. Just not right now." The nagging sensation had not abated in the least, and had possibly only grown more intense, though the difference was only slight and almost unnoticable. He still couldn't figure out a reason for the nagging doubt, but he was beginning to wonder if Niobe's continued refusal to participate in the routine didn't have something to do with it. "Niobe," he said again, knuckles rapping against the hard wood, a dull ache creeping into them. "It's time for breakfast. You should come out and have some cereal, or perhaps a piece of toast." "Perhaps you should listen when I say -not- -now-!" snapped the girl, her fingers digging more tightly into the pillows as she pressed her face into the soft down, letting her eyes close tightly as she felt the tears begin to flow again. A deep breath forced its way into her lungs past the lump slowly congealing within her throat, her mind trying to reassure her that she could successfully get Ryo to leave her alone, that she could avoiding having him see her so broken. "I'm fine, just not hungry! Leave it alone!" "Niobe, it's time for breakfast," repeated the boy, his voice beginning to acquire a tone that he had no name for, his pulse picking up noticably as he leaned closer to the door. He had no idea what was going on, knew only that he seemed to be doing the right thing, that somehow the breach of routine was the correct thing under the circumstances. "We... I... You're not supposed to stay in there. You're supposed to come out and have breakfast." "Damn it, leave it -alone-!" Niobe snapped, jerking upright in her bed, the sweat-soaked sheets sloughing off of her body and falling gently to the bed. "Ryo, for the love of God, I'm just not -hungry- right now! What about that don't you -understand-?" Closing his eyes, Ryo forced himself to take a deep breath, the sudden rush of air into his lungs calming through means that he couldn't entirely explain. "You're supposed to have breakfast now," he repeated, his mind struggling to cope with the sudden influx of new ideas even as he forced himself to say something else. "I'm not going to leave until you come out of your room. We can keep arguing until you are hungry, or you can come out now and not be hungry later." Silence was the only reply that Ryo received for a moment, and he felt the tension within his body increase by the second, each heartbeat seeming to increase the tightness within his body. Then the sound of the doorknob turning filled the air, and the slab of wood swung inward weakly, revealing Niobe in the doorway, her blue eyes flicking only briefly towards Ryo. A yellow nightshirt hung loosely around her body, tracing the curves of her skin clearly underneath, sagging to the left and rising alluringly high on her right thigh. Her hair was matted and dissheveled, eyes bloodshot and haggard. "Fine," she said, sounding not so much angry as simply exhausted. "I'm out. Let's have breakfast already." Ryo's eyes flicked across the girl's body, another sensation seeping gently through his body, another breach in the routine that he had grown accustomed to. Still, he knew that he couldn't break the routine entirely, that it was important to maintain it at least partially, and he turned on his heel and stepped into the kitchen, trying to gauge whether or not the routine felt complete. Something was still nagging at the back of his head, but he still couldn't place what it was, the name seeming to be just out of his reach. "May I fix you something?" he asked, voice flat, the proper order seemingly restored. "If you want to. I certainly don't care." The girl's breaths were coming slowly and shallowly, eyelids half-closed and head hung low as she sat at the table in the center of the kitchen. She had done everything that she knew to be possible to avoid having Ryo see her, and she'd failed to even succeed at that, another item on the long list of things that she was failing to do correctly. "I'm really not hungry, though. It's not like it matters." Hesitating for another moment, Ryo slowly stepped over to the nearest cabinet and retrieved a pair of bowls, the tension still hanging in his chest. He knew, through means that he couldn't place, that it did matter, that something very serious was going wrong, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what that was though he tried. There was still some nagging detail of the routine that he couldn't figure out, somehow compounded by the fact that he was aware of it in the first place. Shaking his head gently, he placed the bowls firmly on the counter, moving to retrieve a pair of spoons as he wished internally that there was something he could do. ]++[ EVA-01 had been stripped of some extra restraints but not all, yet for all the world it seemed to still be perfectly content, its hidden eyes seeming to take in the entirety of the hangar silently. There was a sort of sinister intent written along the metallic jawline, as though it was laughing at the humans about it, knowing full well that they believed they had some measure of control over it when it needed no help from them. The purple-orange nutrient bath swirling about it seemed to slosh more slowly than usual, as though it had somehow been thickened as another level of restraint, the Eva's innate threatening nature being enough to convince NERV's staff that more restraints and shackles were necessary. "Do you find this amusing?" asked Neil, staring up at the white slitted eyes of the machine in front of him, watching and half-expecting the beast to move with his words. There was nothing but silence to greet his question, however, only the steady low noise of the liquid that surrounded the machine. "You do like it, don't you? Letting everyone think that you can be held back, that they can keep you under control, when you know full well that you could tear this entire place apart." Neil stared for a moment longer, then sighed, letting his head fall forward to stare into the darkened depths of the liquid beneath his feet. "Why -didn't- you tear it apart?" he muttered, shaking his head gently and trying to resist the urge to fall into a sitting position. It was a massive effort to simply be standing in the hangar of the machine once again, after all that it had put him through, knowing that whatever Yui and his double represented they still lay somewhere within the Eva. He'd not expected it to be difficult, had believed that simply going to see the Eva would reassure him that he would be able to pilot it again when the time came. Taking a deep breath, Neil looked up towards the Eva again, wishing that he'd asked Nieve to come with him instead of trying to deal with the beast on his own. He'd come, allegedly, to find out if he would still be allowed to pilot at all, if NERV wasn't planning on keeping him without a machine the same way that they were leaving Nieve, but in reality he'd wanted to see the Eva again. Part of him, even, had wanted to get back inside right away, to feel the steady rush of power that only it could bring, the unmistakable warmth and strength that came from the wash of LCL inside the cockpit. "But that's not why I came back," he muttered to himself, unsure if he was trying to convince himself or the Eva. "I came back to help people. I came back because I was needed." A hissing noise came from one of the doors at the far end of the catwalk, and Neil's thoughts were scattered to the wind as he jerked his head around to see Gendou Ikari standing in the doorway. Tension shot through his body momentarily, his hands balling into fists unintentionally as the man walked towards him slowly. "Commander Ikari," he said, trying to keep his voice flat as the man approached, feeling as though something was fundamentally wrong with the situation. "I was just leaving." "Stay," replied the commander, sounding utterly unconcerned with the boy's presence as he paused and turned fully towards the purple Eva, his mouth a thin line and his eyes unreadable. Neil momentarily considered ignoring the command and simply leaving, but he forced himself to stay put, trying to relax the muscles in his body and release his fists. Gendou didn't seem to notice. "Were you admiring him, too?" Momentary confusion spread across Neil's face, enough cue for Gendou to continue talking without interruption from the boy. "The First Angel, Adam," he said flatly, reaching up with one arm and adjusting his glasses as the other hung limply at his side. "Even underneath all of this, he's still recognizable. I can still remember the first time that we saw him, buried within an Antarctic prison, back when there was still an Antarctica to be buried in." He paused, then looked towards Neil, expression still flat. "But you wouldn't remember that. The South Pole was nothing but ocean and icebergs when you were born." "I know about it, though. My mother used to mention it from time to time." Neil's voice was haltering, trembling just the slightest bit, something he couldn't quite place lingering in the back of his head as he raised his emerald eyes to meet Gendou's. "It's starting to form again, though, isn't it? The temperature's still cold enough for it to freeze down there, so the ice cap is starting to come back together. That's what Misato said." "Correct. The climate is slowly repairing itself, one of the natural failsafes that this planet has hardwired into it. It's unlikely that you'll see the pratical upshot of it in your lifetime, however." The commander flicked his eyes briefly towards the Eva again, then turned fully towards Neil, black jacket fluttering slightly around the red turtleneck beneath. "Something else is occupying your mind, or you would not be here. What is it?" The stark forward nature of the statement was enough to put Neil off for a moment, taking a small step back away from Gendou as he wondered almost idly what the commander was trying to get at. Gendou simply stared at the boy, and after a moment Neil shook his head and cleared his throat, still slightly nervous but somewhat more confident. "I was wondering about whether or not I would still be allowed to pilot the Eva," he said, unsure if he wanted Gendou to tell him yes or no. "I know that 01's acted a little odd, and... well, I didn't know if you were going to get rid of it." "Of course not. We have already lost two Eva units, we can hardly afford to lose a third." The commander's words were scolding, but his tone was simply flat and businesslike as his briefly let his eyes flick towards the Eva from beneath his glasses. "However, taking into account the unusual situation of EVA-01, there will be a necessary delay before you will be allowed to pilot again. You may be deployed in fewer situations, and certain tests will be run on the machine before it is declared fit for operation against the Angels once again." "All right," replied Neil, his voice sounding somewhat weak, unsure of exactly how to react to the news. Shaking his head slightly, he began to turn away from the commander, the information slowly processing and sinking in, knowing that he'd done the right thing even though he felt some reluctance. "I suppose I'll be going, then. You'll... NERV will let me know when I should start coming in for synch testing again, right?" "Correct," replied Gendou, his voice still flat as he turned back towards the Eva completely and Neil turned to walk out of the hangar. The boy still felt uncomfortable, something nagging at the back of his head compounded by the disinterested tone of Gendou's final word. Letting his eyes drift closed as he walked slowly along the metal lattice of the catwalk, Neil remembered the first time that he'd ever seen the commander, standing far above the hangar in his observation box, the same sort of flat tone in the man's speech then. Something was bubbling in his mind, the beginnings of anger, of realization of why the situation angered him so much. Freezing, Neil whirled about on his heel, heartbeat growing faster as he felt his breath begin to come quicker. "Commander Ikari," he said, trying to keep his voice calm as he stared at the older man, eyes flashing with anger and nervousness. Gendou ignored the boy for a moment, then slowly turned to face Neil, eyes now hidden entirely behind the lenses of his glasses. "I... I hate you. I hate you." "Is that so?" The man's tone was casual as he reached up once again to adjust his glasses, no visible reaction on his face to the statement. He didn't even sound vaguely distressed, simply observing the fact that Neil had said something and then wanting some kind of confirmation, a fact that infuriated Neil even more as he stared. "Yes," replied Neil, slowly walking back towards the man, hands clenching and relaxing in agonizingly steady rythyms. "I hate you. I hate your organization. I hate your machines. But most of all, I hate you for what you and your organization and your machines have -done-." He paused, gritting his teeth, knowing that on some level he was whining but trying to keep the thought pushed out of his head. "You've made me into a monster, Gendou. You've used me as your pet monstrosity without caring what happens. I hate you for that." "So you really only hate me because of what I've done to you, not some grand crime against humanity." The man's tone was still flat and unconcerned, his arms still hanging limply against the sides of his body as Neil continued his approach. "Or, more accurately, you hate me because of what you've become. Utterly independent of me, really." A thin smile was beginning to play across the man's lips, serving to infuriate Neil further. "Tell me something, Neil - do you think that I made you who you are? Do you think that everything you think inside of the Eva is somehow my doing?" Neil's step slowed, his mouth opening partway to offer an answer but no sound coming out. "I thought as much," continued Gendou, turning away from the boy and back towards the Eva once again, seeming utterly unconcerned by the unfolding situation. "I did not make you crush the entry plug of 03, or make you rush headlong into the Twelfth Angel, or even make you pilot the Eva in the first place. These are all choices that you made yourself, free of any help on my part. All I have done is observe." "That's not -true-!" snapped Neil, his feet now rooted into the catwalk, his determination becoming more certain. He knew that this was all Gendou's fault, that all the blame for what had been going wrong in his life could be laid at the feet of another, that he'd been doing the right thing. "You -did- make me pilot the Eva. No decent person could have turned away in that situation. I didn't have any - choice-, you -know- that." "Wrong. I offered you a choice, and one of the options simply proved undesirable to you. Any restrictions on that choice were self- imposed." The thin smile was still there, humorless and vaguely frightening as the man's eyes continued to fixate on the purple golem in front of him. "I have a proposition for you, Neil. I propose that you only hate me because of the fact that I've forced you to realize the sort of person that you are, not because I have done anything to harm you." He paused, letting his statement sink in momentarily. "Let me ask you, then - if you're angry about finding out who you are, doesn't the true burden on yourself for being that person, not the person who thrusts it into the light?" A single stumbling step backwards hit the lattice catwalk, Neil's face beginning to flush red as the world slowed down around him. He'd been acting off adrenaline, and as Gendou spoke he found himsef feeling the old familiar guilt creep into the back of his mind, the facts of his situation slowly hitting him like lead bricks. "I... I didn't..." He paused, swallowing the dry taste in his mouth as best he could. "I should be going now. There are other things I have to do, and..." "Feel free. I'm not keeping you." The words finally seemed to catch a sort of inflection, somewhere between disgust and disappointment, each syllable seeming to strike Neil with a miniature force. The boy simply bit his lip for a moment, then sighed heavily and turned away towards the exit, wishing once again that he'd decided to stay home at the same time that he wished he could take back the mistakes he had just made. ]++[ Kozou Fuyutsuki was tired. Not that most would have considered that particularly unusual; he was fast approaching his sixties, and even with the advances in medical technology following the Second Impact it wasn't uncommon for those his age to begin to slow down at least slightly. But it was a more fundamental exhaustion than anything borne of age or even outright activity, a sort of tiredness that stretched down into his bones that felt clear in ever twitch of his muscles. Part of that, he knew, came from the green golem visible on the main screen of NERV's command room, its face staring at nothing as technicians milled about. "Initial test results look promising for the new model," noted Misato, her hair pulled up beneath the small red beret that technically completed her outfit. There seemed to be something gnawing at her beneath the air of professionality that she assumed, but Kozou knew it wasn't his place to pry, that if she wanted to say anything she probably would find someone other than him. "Armor's just as strong as it was on EVA-03, but the reaction time is improved, and it looks like the musculature's been improved enough to keep it moving at a higher speed." She paused, then gave a small laugh. "I'm starting to sound like Ritsuko." "Slightly," replied Kozou, forcing a humorless smile at the comment as he flicked his eyes briefly towards the highest level, as though he expected Gendou to appear at any moment. "Don't worry too much, though. It's in a good way. I'm sure she'd agree if she wasn't working with the Eva." Misato tried to force a smile herself, but it wound up as nothing more than a slight twitch of her lips as she stared at the display in front of them, as though she was watching for some sign of movement from the immobile machine. "I have to admit, though, I'm a little surprised by the fact that we're getting Vash to pilot the new model. I'd have expected that it would be Nieve, considering the connections that she has to the project." She paused. "Or did Dr. Soryu not want his daughter to pilot it?" Kozou laughed at the comment, knowing that it would momentarily mystify Misato but not particularly worried by the fact. "That man is the last person in the world who'd be worried about his daughter's safety," he explained, giving a knowing nod to Misato and drawing an oddly displeased stare from the woman as he let his chuckling peter out. "But no, Vash wasn't our first choice. We decided on him largely because we were unsure of Nieve's familiarity with the Japanese model, so we planned on slating her as EVA-07's pilot." "07?" The woman's curiosity had obviously been piqued, her upper body twisting towards Kozou as her eyes flicked back and forth between the elder man and the main screen. "I was under the impression that EVA-06 was only intended as a replacement for our lost units. We're planning on producing another?" "The Eva series has been planned through EVA-08 since the beginning of the project. There was simply no need to accelerate production without the pilots necessary to man additional Evas. But both EVA-07 and EVA- 08 are in preliminary production stages, and the series is probably going to be extended past that." He paused, idly wondering if he was saying too much, doubting seriously that the woman would truly be able to catch at the underlying implications. "You probably received some sort of notification about it. It's gone through all of the regular channels." "But why now?" asked Misato, her voice still sounding oddly curious as she turned back towards the main screen. "Fourteen Angels have been destroyed, and that leaves us with only three more that we're supposed to expect. I tend to doubt that we'll go through machines that quickly." She paused, then flicked her eyes back towards Kozou, something undreadable glimmering beneath her deep brown eyes. "Is there something else going on?" "SEELE makes all of the ultimate decisions about the production of the machines, according to the charter that created NERV." He accompanied his response with a quick shrug, hoping that it would still Misato's curiosity at least for the moment, knowing in the back of his mind that she didn't have enough information to piece everthing together but still wanting to leave her in the dark slightly. The response was an honest one, simply avoiding her question instead of giving a false answer, a bit of semantics that still meant something to him. For a moment, Misato's eyes lingered on the elder man, then turned back towards the golem on the screen as though she'd lost interest in a problem that offered no likelihood of solving itself any time in the near future. "I suppose it can't hurt to have a few extra machines on the grounds," she noted, her tone implying that there was something more lingering beneath her words, that she had hardly given up hope of finding out more on the subject. "Besides, that's a problem for another day." Nodding, Kozou turned and began to step slowly towards the elevator door, his head remaining turned towards Misato. "I've got other projects that I need to check on at the moment, so I had best get going. Both Commander Ikari and I will be here once the actual testing begins." He paused breifly, waiting to see if Misato was going to say any final words, but the woman simply offered a quick nod. Eyes moving back towards the elevator, Kozou resisted the urge to sigh as he pressed the button to bring the elevator to his level. He was still tired, perhaps even more so than before, the conversation with Misato now nagging at the back of his mind as he let the elevator doors slide open and stepped within. It was a distraction, and as the elevator began to move down he rubbed his forehead gently, wondering idly why he'd never noticced any sort of exhaustion for all the years that he'd been working with the Evangelions. "I must be getting older," he muttered, shaking his head to nobody in particular, waiting for the elevator to ding open before he stepped out and prepared to go about the other matters he needed to attend to before the testing commenced. "Activation of a new machine today," noted the surprisingly calm voice of Ryoji Kaji, drawing Kozou's attention to his left as he stepped out of the elevator. The other man was leaning against one of the nearer bulkheads, his arms folded across his chest and a lazy grin on his mouth. "It's kind of disappointing that I don't get to be a part of it, honestly. I know that it's not really in my job description as the head of the intelligence department, but it's still a bit of a slight." "Consider it the lesser of two evils. If I didn't feel some sympathy for your situation, I could have you dismissed from your post for your activities." The man paused for a moment, wondering almost casually if Kaji would show any sort of crack in his apparently unnervable facade at the mention, but his expression remained unchanging, not the slightest change in expression flicking across his face. "I know more about what you're trying to do than you let yourself believe, Kaji. You're tready on rather dangerous ground." "You could make my life a lot easier by simply letting me know what I want," offered Kaji, the smile on his lips broadening for a moment as he pushed off the bulkhead and uncrossed his arms. "But if you wanted me gotten rid of, then you would have done it by now. Which either means that I'm not anywhere near something worth knowing about, you don't think I know nearly as much as I do, or you actually want me to keep poking around the closets in the building." The younger man's smile seemed oddly infectious, a gesture borne not out of any actual amusement but simply as a way of cutting through the stress. In the back of his mind, Kozou wondered if there was some truth to his statement, but he let it fall to the side for the moment, keeping his attention more firmly focused on the concerns of the moment. "Believe whichever you want. I'm certainly not going to let you in on the truth of the matter." He paused, then turned halfway away from Kaji, his eyes flicking down towards the opposite end of the hallway. "Something's on your mind, isn't it?" "Depends on whether or not I can get something out of you," replied Kaji, jamming his hands casually in his pockets and taking a few slow steps towards the elderly man, his expression unreadably except for the vague amusement still traced along his mouth. "I'm well aware of what NERV's production plans are for the Evas at the moment - that's not difficult to get ahold of. But I notice that NERV hasn't specifically requested anything but EVA-06, that all of the other machines are being made under SEELE's sole jurisdiction." "Nosy," noted Kozou, the statement made somewhat redundant by the simple nature of the conversation. "If that's all you're asking about, there's nothing to know. SEELE decided that the Evas would be produced, and they're the ones that make the declarations about what does and doesn't get produced. That's hardly a secret." He paused, wishing vaguely that he was a better liar, that he could simply send Kaji down a trail to nowhere. "You're drawing conspiracies where none exist." "Who said anything about a conspiracy?" asked Kaji, obviously trying his hardest to sound innocent as he took another step towards Fuyutsuki, fluorescent light bouncing off his eyes at an odd angle. "No, I'm more curious about the implications beyond who's requesting the Evas." He paused for a moment, glancing back and forth up and down the hallway, as though to verify the initial appearance that all of the technicians were otherwise occupied. "I'm wondering, Kozou, what are the Evas actually supposed to be -doing-? If you don't have the pilots for these machines, they're certainly not going to be effective in combat... so why are they necessary?" "And now you're asking questions that you know you won't get the answer to," replied Kozou, almost tempted to answer the other man despite himself. It was, he imagined, much the same sort of nagging thought in the back of his head that kept him from simply blowing the younger man's cover, preventing him any further access to NERV's secrets. "You're not going to find what you're looking for, Kaji. My advice is to give it up and stop before somebody else catches notice of what you're doing." Kaji shrugged, turning halfway away from Kozou and once again glancing up and down the hallways. "I'm only trying to find out what SEELE and NERV are really after, Kozou. Is that such a bad thing? If there aren't any conspiracies going on, then shouldn't that be public knowledge?" He paused, then smiled, an oddly resigned look in his eyes. "After all, you looked, and you apparently found that you liked the plan so much you wanted to sign on." Silence passed between the two men for a moment, deep enough for both to hear the steady buzzing of the fluorescent lights above them. "I don't have time to argue with you today," replied Kozou at length, Kaji's accusation stinging slightly as the elder man turned down the hallway to move on to more important projects. "Just don't do anything too stupid. Ritsuko would miss you." He paused, then began walking, feet echoing against the metallic floor beneath him, not bothering to wait for whatever Kaji would have in reply. ]++[ Vash could still remember the first time that EVA-03 had been activated, could clearly recall sitting inside of the darkened cockpit for what seemed like an eternity as the LCL swirled around him and offended his tongue. It wasn't a pleasing experience, and leaning back in the seat of the cockpit he knew that this activation was going to be even worse, with even more time before they activated the cameras and actually allowed him to see. Though he had no method of measuring time, he knew it had been at least half an hour since the entry plug had slid into the back of EVA-06, and the cockpit still hadn't been flooded, the synchronization of the machine not even ready. "Couldn't you have had me wait outside before I got into the machine?" he asked, voice impatient as he listened to the sounds of voices over the radio. "How much longer are we going to be doing this, anyways?" "A while. It depends on how well the tests go." Ritsuko had to bite her lip, resisting the urge to let the boy know that they were largely preparing for the minor chance that he was still infected by the Thirteenth, that if it ahd been any other Child in the cockpit they would have been further along in the process. It was simply another wrinkle in the system, one that she still wished could be rectified with the dummy plug setup. Shaking her head, she turned away from the main window of the observation booth, looking back towards the rows of computer consoles, stepping quickly towards Maya. "How are the systems responding currently?" "Everything's in full working order. All neural pathways are clear and responsive, all primary systems activated." Maya paused briefly, a worried look drifting across her face for the barest of moments before she returned to a calm, professional facade. "The command level is standing by in the event that the Eva becomes infected with an Angel. All emergency interrupts are readied. If necessary, the Eva can be at least handicapped should the Thirteenth attempt to gain hold of it." Nodding, Ritsuko glanced towards the forest-green golem standing outside of the window, hunched over and seeming almost calm despite the perpetual grimace of its jawline. She wondered, almost idly, why it was that Gendou had chosen not to attend the activation, especially considering the stakes that it was operating under and the fact that he'd been present for every other machine first activated in the hangars. But it was a peripheral thought as the woman stepped back towards the main window, her lab coat swirling about behind her as she grabbed the microphone and leaned slightly towards it. "Vash, we're ready to begin synchronization. The chamber will be flooded with LCL in a few seconds." "I know," replied Vash, trying to sound calm but winding up as more perturbed than anything. "This isn't the first time I've been in one of these things, you know." He sighed, inwardly scolding himself for sounding more whiny than confident as he felt the warm orange-red liquid begin to rise up around his ankles. Though he knew that Eiko had meant well, the sole fact that she mentioned him seeming different had simply driven home the point of how importance his appearance was, a deeply tiring sensation that made even the rush of LCL into his mouth and lungs seem unremarkable. Coughing briefly, he shook his head and waited to feel the Eva's body around him, the practice grown familiar through time. "Synchronization beginning to appear, neural pulses flowing through the networks normally." There was an almost physical tension moving through the chamber as the technicians remained glued to their monitors, the nagging question about the Angel obviously on everyone's mind. None of them were speaking up save for Maya, however, the other technicians seeming to prefer sitting and worrying in silence to calling out announcements. "There are a few minor glitches in the network so far, but nothing unusual. Synch ratio at 31% and rising." His hands slowly tensing and releasing around the metal handrests, Vash could feel himself relaxing with the steady sound of Maya's voice, letting himself simply focus on working with the Eva instead of worrying about anything else. It wasn't half as frightening as he'd expected, especially with the subtle reminders that his synch ratio was generally the second-highest of all the Children. He had nothing to worry about - as long as he got in the Eva and did his best, nothing would change at all. "Eiko'll probably forget about me acting differently at all," he muttered to himself, taking slow and steady breaths as he continued focusing on the Eva around him. Inside the booth, the tension was slowly clearing, the dearth of any anomalous readings seeming to calm the staff down. It was a minor blessing that Ritsuko was thankful for, preferring to hear at least some noise to indicate that all of the technicians were actually doing their jobs. "Synch ratio up to 36%," noted Maya, her fingers moving quickly across her keyboard, the light from the computer screen reflecting slightly against her face. "Now at 40%... the rate of ascension's slowing a fair bit, though." She paused, then frowned. "44%... it's not quite at operational levels just yet, but the ratio is barely rising at all. Looks like he's just about hit his barrier." Though the words were muffled by the distance and the barrier of LCL, Vash could hear Maya from over the radio, and his eyes went momentarily wide at the thought. Something had to be wrong with the equipment, he couldn't possibly have lost some of his synch ratio. Gritting his teeth, he gently eased the handrests forward, trying to use the functionless handles to help him focus. Ritsuko had stepped over to survey Maya's screen, a slight frown on her face as she watched the synchronization gauge slowly force itself past the 45% mark, flickering ever so slightly further forwards. "45%," she muttered, shaking her head disapprovingly, doing her best to keep her voice quiet enough for Vash not to hear her. "Might have something to do with the fact that he lost an arm." Sighing, she pushed away from the console and walked back to the microphone, idly wishing that she could see inside of the cockpit even as she reminded herself that it wasn't necessary. "Vash? Your synch ratio's peaked at 45%. That's within normal operating parameters." She paused, feeling vaguely guilty as no response came from within the Eva. "The neural systems in the Eva might need to be double-checked. Low synch ratios with new machines are the expected norm." "Of course," replied Vash, fully aware that the woman was lying to him. He knew full well that all of the Eva's systems had been checked exhaustively, that any problem with the synch ratio fell squarely on his shoulders and not on the machine. Sighing, he released his grip on the handrests, slowly relaxing against the padded back of the cockpit as he tensed and relaxed his hands, his left arm tingling oddly from the LCL that swirled around it. More announcements came over the radio, but Vash was ignoring them, bringing his left arm up to stare at it, the skin invisible beneath the purple and black of the plugsuit. Even if he didn't feel normal any longer, he'd known that he could make it look different, but acting as though he still wanted to pilot the Eva didn't make up for the obvious deficiency in his synch ratio. "Maybe I was right the first time," he muttered, sighing and watching as the liquid about him swirled in reaction. "Maybe it just isn't worth it anymore." ]++[ The questions that Gendou had planted in Neil's mind hadn't faded even with the passing of a full day, a somewhat agonizing distraction as he tried to focus on the school papers lying on the table in front of him. He had more than enough work to catch up on after his month spent inside the Eva, and the last thing that he wanted was to have it hanging over his head any longer than necessary, but each time that he started reading he found his thoughts drifting right back to the conversation from the previous day. "I should have just left right away," he muttered, shaking his head and drumming his pencil idly against the table. "Or not gone in the first place." "Sounds like somebody isn't doing their schoolwork." Nieve's soft footsteps had managed to evade Neil's attention, but before he could even turn towards the girl he found her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, head resting gently atop his own. "I'll take that as indication that you're not particularly worried about it. Come on, let's go do something -fun-." "Nieve... I'm just having trouble, it's not that I'm done or anything." He tried weakly to wrestle his way out of the girl's embrace, not truly wanting to but knowing that he had other things that he needed to do. She'd been increasingly intent on staying close to him, and while it was hardly unpleasant it did have some decided negative aspects. "Besides, I'm leaving to have lunch with Eiko in something like fifteen minutes. I don't really have the time to do anything." A certain tension seemed to twitch through the girl's limbs, and Neil found himself wishing that he hadn't said anything even as he tried to go through his memory, certain that he'd mentioned something about having lunch with the other Child the previous night. "I must have forgotten about that," she said, her voice trembling just the slightest bit as she released Neil's shoulders and moved around to the other side of the table before sitting down. "Are.. are you sure you're ready, though? I know you haven't really talked to any of the others... but I guess you must have talked to her to set this up, right?" "Briefly," replied Neil with a shrug, trying to act as casual about the situation as possible. He stared at Nieve for a moment, then reached over and gently squeezed the girl's shoulder, wondering in the back of his mind how Gendou would see his actions. "It wasn't anything approaching a real conversation, though. We didn't even talk about the one obvious thing. Just set a time and place to meet, then we got off the phone." "It's still a conversation," replied Nieve, sounding slightly more confident as she looked up at the boy, her eyes glittering with something not quite certain. Silence hung between them for a moment, Nieve's mouth opening and closing in slow motions before she coughed gently. "What about Vash? The two of them go to the same school, so there's a pretty good chance that the two of you will..." "Yeah, I know. I realized that afterwards, too." He sighed, shaking his head gently, trying his best not to look Nieve in the eye as he found his thoughts drifting back to his conversation with Gendou once again. He couldn't get the words out of his head, especially with the similarity between the older man's statements and the taunts that his double had offered him before. "I planned on dealing with the problem as maturely as possible, though. I was going to avoid entirely." Nieve frowned at him, and he offered a weak smile in response, fully aware that he was hardly doing the right thing under the circumstances aside from being open with the girl. "You're going to have to deal with him sooner or later, Neil. You said it yourself, the Eva went berserk, it wasn't under your control." She paused, reaching over and gently brushing her fingers against the boy's arm. "That's not your fault, Neil. It doesn't invalidate all the things you've done right, or the fact that you managed to destroy the Angel anyways." Staring into the girl's eyes, Neil wanted to tell her everything that he'd said to Misato as she drove him to the airport, that he knew it was what he had wanted even if he hadn't been in total control at the time. He wanted to tell her that the Eva had never done something he truly didn't want it to even when it did go berserk, that he could remember everything that had happened with the Thirteenth Angel even though it was through a blood-red haze. But he also wanted her not to leave him in disgust, and biting his lower lip he felt himself unable to say anything while his thoughts lingered, left simply looking into the deep seas of green that were her eyes. "I'm just not sure if I'm ready to talk to him about it yet," he said, feeling a pang of guilt at the omission even before the words had left his mouth. "Can't say I really blame you," replied Nieve, her hand gripping the boy's shoulder more firmly as if it would somehow correct the situation. "Listen, Neil, if you want..." Pausing briefly, the girl took a deep breath, her eyes fluttering closed for just a second before staring back at Neil. "If you want, I'll come with you. For emotional support, and whatever else you need. Heck, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't come?" "That's okay," replied Neil, shaking his head and recalling how he'd half-wished that she had been there at the time, wondering almost idly if the same situation would turn out to be true. "I'll be fine. Besides, if it happens, it happens. Like you said, I'm going to have to deal with him sooner or later, right?" "Well, yeah, but that doesn't necessarily have to be 'sooner,'" replied Nieve, a slightly-awkward smile playing across her lips as she sank her head slightly. She looked almost disappointed that he didn't want her there, and for a moment Neil considered taking it back just to make her feel better. "Okay, hon, I'll trust your call on this one. I just want you to be okay. I..." She paused, biting her lower lip. "I need you not to leave. You're too important to me." "I know," replied Neil, his voice haltering as he took Nieve's hand in his, trying to avoid her eyes even as he tried not to feel so awkward about the situation. "I'm not going anywhere. Promise." He felt another quick rush of guilt as the words passed his lips, wishing that he hadn't talked to Eiko about going to have lunch with her, wishing that he hadn't talked with Gendou, wishing for nearly anything besides the situation that he was actually in. Flicking his eyes towards his watch quickly, he saw the time as the easy excuse out of the conversation, giving Nieve's hand one last squeeze before releasing it and standing. "Well, okay, now I have to get going to Eiko's school... but I'll be back soon. Lunch doesn't last long." "Have fun," replied Nieve, her voice somewhat weak as Neil moved towards the small shoe area and slipped on his sneakers, pausing only a moment to adjust his feet before stepping out the door and letting it shut softly behind him. Sighing, the girl hung her head as she stood, wishing that she hadn't lost her Eva against the Fourteenth Angel for what seemed like the millionth time. It would have been nice to have even a momentary distraction with the red golem, some proof that her life was at least partially under control, something to keep her from feeling as though the bottom was quickly falling out from beneath her. "I'll miss you." ]++[ Both Children were sitting in relative silence, only the sound of chewing filling the empty air between them. In and of itself, the break in conversation wouldn't have been a bad thing except for the fact that there had been no conversation besides the silence, and combined with the relative emptiness of the terrace whatever tension might have normally been imposed by the situation was only hightened. Neither Eiko nor Neil was feeling brave enough to break the tense aura of still air between them immediately, however, so instead they simply sat and ate, having lunch together only in the most basic definition of the process. Putting down his sandwich at length, Neil managed a cough, the closest that either of them had come to a sentence as the sunlight filtered through the leaves and branches of the trees above them. Neil was distantly aware that they were sitting in the same terrace that had set off the same fateful chain of events that had led him to his battle with the Thirteenth Angel, but he pushed the thought out of his mind, knowing that it would only make things worse. "Not many people left around here," he noted, voice trembling slightly. "That's what it seems like to me, anyways." "Yeah. Lots of people have been leaving." Eiko's voice was soft, nervous, as though she was afraid the wrong few words would send Neil into a rage. She didn't know what to feel about him any longer - or to be more accurate, she knew what she was supposed to feel but knew that it didn't relate to her actual feelings. It was a familiar situation with Neil, something she'd grown accustomed to since she'd first learned that he had been the pilot of EVA-01, but it hadn't made things any easier over time. "Mom and Dad kind of want to leave, too. Especially now that Toji's out of the hospital." "Toji... he's your brother, right?" asked Neil, some confidence creeping into his tone as he looked towards the girl. She nodded, and he managed to force a smile as he flicked his emerald eyes up towards the flickering sunlight. "I've never actually met him, I guess. Though you could argue that he's well aware of at least part of who I am." He paused, glancing towards Eiko, seeing the awkward expression on his face and feeling a pang of guilt as the smile vanished from his face. "I'm sorry. That seemed funnier in my head." "I think the bigger problem was that it sounded funny at all in your head," replied Eiko, managing a slight giggle that temporarily afflicted both of the Children. It only calmed the tension between the two slightly, but it was enough for the moment, more than either of them had been able to manage before. "You two would probably get along, though. I know that he's not angry with you any more... about what happened." Neil managed one final, forced laugh before his momentum sputtered out, his head leaning slightly forward and his eyes focused simply on the mosaic gray stone of the school's walkway. He'd been avoiding talking in no small part precisely to avoid talking about anything relating to him and the Evas, the only obvious thing that there seemed to be available to talk about. But he doubted that Eiko was entirely enamoured with the idea either, and he also knew that there was no way for him to back himself out of the topic. "What about you?" he asked, his eyes fluttering half-closed. "Are you still mad at me about what's happened?" Silence settled into the air once again, the same sort of crippling and oppressive quiet that had been lodged in the air around them before, and Neil felt himself swallow hard as his mouth went dry. "No," replied Eiko at length, drawing Neil's gaze towards her as her own eyes flicked away towards what seemed to be the nearest convenient object. "I'm not mad at you, Neil. Not really." She paused. "I don't know if I was ever mad at you." "You certainly seemed to be," replied Neil rather flatly, now keeping his eyes focused on the girl to his side as her breaths began to come slightly more shallowly. "I still remember the way that you looked at me that day, Eiko. I thought..." He paused, shaking his head as he turned his gaze partially away, almost idly trying to follow the path of her eyes. "I thought that you were never going to want to speak to me again. I was certain that you didn't believe me. I -" "Please, Neil, enough," Eiko interjected, her voice unusually strong considering the circumstances. "I get the picture." Acquisecing, Neil let himself fall silent while the young girl took a deep breath, her shoulders heaving as the air moved into her lungs. "I won't tell you that I wasn't angry. I was -horribly- angry about what happened. But..." She paused, taking the opportunity to bite her lower lip momentarily. "I was angry that Vash's Eva was destroyed. I was angry that Vash might have died. I was angry that there was nothing that I could have done. But it wasn't you that I was mad at, not even for a second." She sighed. "I was just angry, and I knew that it was because of you even though I wasn't mad at you. I was confused." Once again, the two Children let themselves remain silent momentarily, Neil staring into Eiko's eyes as she stared back into his, a gentle breeze picking up and stirring the branches above them. A tension was growing in Neil's chest as he stared at the girl, and he felt himself unconsciously moving closer to her, his mind distantly aware that he should feel guilty but more focused on the sensations creeping through his body. It was a mesmerizing moment for the boy, and it wasn't until the sound of footsteps echoed harshly against the stone walkway that Neil found the concentration necessary to turn away from the girl, his eyes flicking towards the source of the noise as his head turned somewhat reluctantly. Vash was walking towards them, an unreadable expression on his face, and Neil felt a minor rush of adrenaline flood through his body at the sight of the boy. His mouth opened halfway to say something, then closed as he stood, his hands tensing into fists and relaxing in steady motions. The last thing that he wanted was for Vash to get another punch in before Neil even knew what was happening, although in the back of his mind he was reminding himself that he couldn't really blame the other boy if he did want a fight. "Vash," he said, biting his lower lip gently, the electric feeling of tension prickling along his skin as the boy drew closer. "I didn't think I'd see you just yet." "I did," replied Vash, staring at the boy as the branches rustled over head, the sunlight cast downwards in mosaic patterns wheeling across the two. "I came here to talk to you." Vash allowed himself a momentary pause, his right hand tensing as his left hung loosely, trying to remind himself that he couldn't back out of his decision now even as he wished that he'd told someone so they could hold him to it. "Neil..." He paused. "It's about the Evas." "Yeah, well, it couldn't really be about anything else," replied Neil, his voice tense as he took a step towards the boy, the mild rush of adrenaline increasing as he moved. "Look, Vash, I... I don't know what to say about what happened. I..." He struggled for a moment, feeling guilty about the prospect of lying to Vash about the Eva even as he felt terrified of what might happen if he told the truth. "I know it's not worth much, especially not now, but I'm sorry." "That wasn't what I wanted to talk about," replied Vash, his left hand balling int a fist unconsciously even as he tried to calm himself down. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Eiko watching him, at once giving him more confidence and making him feel as though his words were under scrutiny. "We still have some unfinished business, you and I. Back before the Twelfth Angel, I..." He paused, shaking his head as Neil visibly tensed. "You remember. Anyways, I said that we would finish it later." Once again, Vash paused, his breath coming shallowly now. "It's later." "I still don't want to fight you, Vash," replied Neil, his body sending quite the opposite message to his muscles as they tensed and relaxed in quick motions, his body shifting ever so slightly into the rudimentary beginnings of a fighting stance. "Especially not after what happened with the Thirteenth." He paused, lowering his head, opening his mouth to speak again but then simply falling silent with a heavy sigh. "Not one on one," replied Vash, shaking his head, his mind whirling even as the words came out of his mouth. He at once wanted and didn't want to say that he needed some way of seeing whether or not his best efforts at appearing normal were worth it, partially because he knew that Eiko was sitting so close but more because he didn't want to admit it to himself. "At least, not like this, not now." Gritting his teeth, the boy cast his eyes off towards the serene grove of trees beside him, a welcome alternative focus for his senses. "It's been a while since I've been inside one of the Evas, and I need practice." Neil cocked an eyebrow, somewhat surprised by the turn of events as his muscles relaxed noticably. He truly hadn't wanted to fight Vash in the middle of the school again, especially with the memories attatched to it, but the thought of fighting the boy inside of an Eva again only made things worse. "Doesn't that strike you as just a bit of a dumb idea?" he asked, frowning and flicking his eyes quickly in Eiko's direction. "I mean, consider what happened the last time we went up against one another in an Eva. The track record isn't exactly stellar." Vash didn't respond, simply stared at Neil, his blue eyes holding something vaguely sad behind them as the light from the sun flickered across them. It was an uncomfortable gesture, and as Neil glanced back towards Eiko he found no obvious support from her end either. Sighing, he hung his head and rubbed his temple, unsure of what to do, knowing full well that he'd feel guilty no matter what he said. "All right," he said with a sigh, shaking his head gently. "Once you get out of school, I'll meet you down at Central Dogma." He paused, then raised his head, looking towards the other boy. "But I don't like this." Eiko gave a slight noise of shock, but Vash forced himself to ignore it as he nodded at Neil. He knew that what he'd done must have shown something to Eiko, must have at least done a little to repair the tarnished image she doubtlessly held of him. "Thanks, Neil," he said, forcing himself to keep his voice calm as he turned and began to walk away, silence permeating the air behind him as his breaths came steadily and his mind tried to wrap itself around what he was planning. ]++[ "Absolutely -not-," snapped Misato, her eyes harsh and unyielding as she stared at Neil. In the back of her mind she was distantly aware that Makoto was staring, but it was a minor detail that ultimately felt of little consequence to her, especially in light of the request that Neil had presented her with. "You've -got- to be kidding me, Neil. Did you actually think that I'd let the two of you -do- that?" Shifting his weight uncomfortably, Neil shrugged, more than a little put off by the entire situation and wishing that Vash had been the one asking the difficult questions. "It's not like we've never used the Eva for non-Angel purposes before," he argued, voice trembling slightly, fully aware of the fact that he had virtually no bargaining position. "What about the war games? That was basically the same thing, and we deployed -all- of the Evas for that." "Right. And I didn't want to have anything to do with -that-, either. The only reason that you were in the games was because it helped smooth over relations with the government." She paused, taking a deep breath and trying to force herself to relax, idly wondering if Neil didn't have ulterior motives in wanting to duel with Vash. It wasn't a pleasant thought, but she knew full well how terrified Neil seemed to be of the Eva, and she couldn't wonder what might have convinced him to do something inside of it so casually. "Besides, there was no risk of damage to the machines in that. As long as you all kept your AT Fields active, you couldn't be hurt." "We'll have to be careful, then," replied Neil, his voice rising slightly in volume. Part of him was subtly noting the irony of him arguing in favor of the duel, an idea that he still wasn't particularly enamoured with, but it was too late to back himself out of the debate. "I'm sure that the armor of the machines can handle a little damage. There hasn't even been an Angel attack for more than a month now - it's not like they're crawling out of the woodwork or something." Misato managed a weak grin, shaking her head loosely in the boy's direction. "And that's part of the problem, too. This is the longest lull that we've ever had since the Third Angel's attack, which either means that the Angels have decided to just wait for a while - which I don't believe for a second - or that they're due for another attempt. That would be soon, if it happens, and what does that leave us if you and Vash bang each other up too much?" "Two damaged Evas, I -get- that. Hence the point about being -careful- ." Neil inwardly winced at his own words, knowing that he truly was getting nowhere and sounding rather foolish for it. "Come on, Misato, you know that you can trust us. Time us, cripple our weapons, whatever. I'm sure that there's a way to keep the machines from hurting each other, the sort of thing that you did during the war games." "Nobody expected anything to be touching the Evas during the war games. There wasn't any need to set up combat between the two of them." Shaking her head, Misato turned halfway away from Neil, trying to calm herself down. "Besides, Neil, it has nothing to do with trusting you. These aren't just particularly big toys that we happen to have lying around, these are military weapons. I can't just let you take them out to have fun with them." "Incorrect." The voice was harsh, almost grating, and both Neil and Misato were stunned for a moment at the simple sound of it before they both turned their heads upwards. Commander Ikari was leaning against the outermost edge of the highest level, arms at an angle and supproting his body, head tilted down just far enough so that his eyes could catch the conversation as it progressed below him. "You have full command over when the Evas are and are not deployed. It is well within your authority to launch two of them for the purposes of a training duel." Misato's face shifted into a dark frown as Neil felt his muscles tense unconsciously, the thought of Gendou supporting his position feeling more than a little uncomfortable. "It's not an appropriate use of the Evas, though," Misato offered, taking a step backwards to get a better look at the commander, her arms unconsciously folding across her chest. "Not to mention the potential risk to the pilots or the Evas themselves." "Using the Evas in a duel against one another provides actual information about the machines' capabilities in a combat situation. We have nothing else that can even approach the abilities of the Angels." The commander remained stationary as he looked down, his mouth only moving slightly and the motion difficult to see from the lower level. "As long as appropriate restrictions are placed on the weaponry available to the two Evas, damage to their systems should be minimal." The frown on Misato's face darkened as she flicked her eyes quickly towards Neil, still curious why the boy seemed so insistent about getting into the Eva in the first place. Something felt off, as though he and Gendou had discussed the possibility before she had been informed of it, circumventing the need to bring it up with her completely. "It strikes me as a bad idea, sir," she said, her gaze unwavering as she stared up towards the elder man, worried about what could happen to the boy standing next to her even as she wondered why Gendou was so enthralled by the concept. "Your concern is noted," replied Gendou, his tone unflinching. "However, I maintain that a mock battle between the two machines could provide useful information about their pilots and their capabilities." The man's lips curled ever so slightly at the edge, just enough to keep anyone on the level below from catching the gesture. "Neil has not piloted EVA-01 since his assimilation by the machine. It is important to ensure that he is still fully capable of acting in his duty as the Third Child." "Fine," muttered Misato, offering only a curt nod to the commander before turning towards Neil. The boy simply stared at her, glancing quickly back towards the top level to see that Gendou had moved away from the edge of the level before letting his eyes focus on Misato. She was obviously angry at the situation, something that Neil knew full well was at least partially his fault, reminding himself in the back of his mind that if he'd just let Vash ask the question Gendou might not have offered any support. "Well, Neil, looks like you're getting what you wanted." "Lucky me," he replied, turning somewhat weakly towards the elevator to head down and change into his plugsuit. He'd been doing his best to ignore the gnawing doubt in the back of his mind, forget about the taunts of his double and his conversation with Gendou, but they were both glaring in his mind now, and as he pressed the button to call the elevator he couldn't help but wonder if history was about to repeat itself. ]++[ His arm still felt uncomfortable beneath the tight plugsuit fabric, something that he took as a less than stellar indicator as he pulled himself into the cockpit, feet echoing against the empty metal of the chamber. "Still, can't let it keep me down," he muttered to himself, sliding into the cockpit as the hatch snapped shut, hands closing around the metal handrests and testing their range of motion quickly as the entry plug lurched. He was nervous, something that he was doing his best to ignore as the plug swayed slightly, breath coming faster as he let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the unactivated plug. A mechanical cacophony filled the air, signaling to Vash that the plug was about to be inserted into the Eva, the machine that he still didn't want to pilot even though he knew that he had little choice left in the matter. It wasn't a comforting thought as the plug slid in, the fact that he was being strung along, similar to some extent to his situation with the thirteenth Angel. "Well, too late to back out now," he muttered, releasing the handrests and drumming his fingers against the nearest part of the cockpit seat with one hand. "Besides, I've got nothing to worry about. I'll show everybody that I'm as good as I say I am, and then things will just go back to normal." Sitting inside of his own Eva, Neil had no idea that Vash was in any way tense about the situation, though having learned that would have been unlikely to alleviate his own stress. He couldn't get Gendou's words out of his head, nor could he forget the creeping suspicion that the only reason Gendou had taken his side was because of what he'd said the previous day. More even than that, however, he was afraid of what would happen when he synchronized Eva, unsure of whether or not he'd hear the other's mocking tones anew. "I'm doing my best," he muttered, breath coming irregularly as the hatch in the Eva's back closed above him. "There's nothing more to it. I'm doing my best." Clicking noises that Neil had only distantly noticed before suddenly jumped out at him, and his fists tightened to the point of pain as his whole body tensed for a second, realizing only afterwards that it was simply the noise of the Eva's LCL injection systems activating. It did little to alleviate his stress, however, and his eyes watched with minor trepidation as the orange-red liquid crept up from the bottom of the angled plug, slowly filling the chamber as it made its way towards the boy. A rush of terror and anticipation went through his body as it moved, and instinctively he found himself gulping down breaths of air as it quickly ascended up and past his ankles, covering his legs in what seemed like the blink of an eye. It was as shocking as the first time that he'd ever been immersed in the cloying blood-liquid, and he pitched forward from coughing as the liquid sloughed into his lungs, a tickling feeling running up and down his throat as his breathing restored. "Both pilots have begun their synchronization procedures," announced Maya, sparing a quick sideways glance towards Misato as she let her hands move swiftly across the keyboard, more than aware of the tension running behind the other woman's eyes. "EVA-06 is currently at 31% and rising normally..." She paused, her brow furrowing as she watched the other Eva's gauge momentarily, drawing Misato's attention. "EVA-01 doesn't seem to be synchronizing at all." "Are you certain?" asked Misato, leaning over and squinting hard at the display, as though it was simply a matter of Maya not looking hard enough. The small indicator for the synch ratio remained flashing at the zero mark, no sign of even the slightest motion from it. For a moment, Misato wondered if something was wrong with the machine, but as she turned and stepped towards the microphone she began to feel the vaguest inkling of what might be going on instead. "Neil?" she said, keeping her voice as calm as possible. "Your synch rate isn't increasing at all. Is something wrong?" "No, sorry. I was just distracted." The boy let out a low sigh, his hands flexing about the handrests simply out of a need for something to break his tention even momentarily, the LCL tasting bloody against his tongue. He was afraid of what might happen if he let the Eva's mind brush against his again, afraid of hearing the sinister mocking tones of his double anew, but gritting his teeth he forced himself to take a deep breath. "I'm going to have to pilot this again at some point anyways," he breathed quietly, gently extending his mind outwards, adrenaline slowly trickling into his bloodstream. "This is what I came back to do in the first place." To Neil's surprise, the pressure that he was accustomed to feeling from the Eva wasn't there, instead replaced by an odd sensation that Neil couldn't quite put a name to. It was still hateful, but there was something tempering it, almost a sort of eagerness for the boy's mind to join with it, as though it reveled in the idea of a chance for further destruction. "There," he said, his voice sounding weak through the liquid-filled chamber. "How does it look now?" "Good. Your synch ratio's up to 50%, better than your average." Vash could hear the awkward pause in Misato's voice, and he knew that something was wrong with his synchronization, that he hadn't quite reached his previous levels. "Vash... you've hit 45%, barely. It's still lingering close to lower levels. We can hold on for another few minutes, if you're not ready to -" "I'm ready," snarled Vash, his teeth gritting almost involuntarily as he kicked himself mentally, more than aware of the fact that he was doing a horrendous job of making himself appear anything but incapable. He didn't understand why the Eva was resisting him, especially with the amount of concentration he was devoting to the damned machine, his hands wrapped as tightly as they could go around the metal handrests. "It'll pick up in a minute or so, I'm certain. Let's just get on with this." Misato bit her lip momentarily, then gestured towards Maya, the young woman giving a quick nod before hitting the button to send the two golems racing towards the exterior of the Geo-Front. "You'll both find a number of weapons on the surface," announced Misato, trying her best to sound professional as she flicked her eyes quickly towards the highest level to scan for the commander. He was sitting and observing, watching like a hawk as the main screen displayed the Evas in motion. "They're all rigged as they were in the war games - they can't do any actual damage, but your systems will register them. Both of your prog knives have had their vibrational systems disabled, so while you can still use them and the other progressive weaponry, they won't be nearly as lethal." The noise of the launch sequence was interrupted by the quick noise of opening exit pads, and with a loud clang both Children felt their Evas lurch to a stop, the hatches closing behind them and leaving the two standing unsupported. "Vash's Eva requires a power cord, but now that Neil's has an S2 organ it can produce effectively unlimited power for itself," announced Misato's voice, cutting through the sudden silence as both Evas seemed to survey one another. "Still, the weaponry won't be able to damage the cord, so if you're going to fight fairly it won't come into play." Misato paused briefly, as though she was reluctant to continue. "And most importantly, be careful. Don't kill each other." Neither Eva moved immediately, though both of the pilots were flicking their eyes about the battlefield, taking a quick mental note of the various weapons scattered about on the ground, available for immediate usage. It was a test of nerves to see who would move first, an agonizing time that seemed to stretch on forever, both golems simply staring at the other and making only the slightest movements. Then, with a sudden crash, both moved for the nearest weapons, kicking up clouds of dirt and foliage around them as they snatched up their instruments of destruction and brought them to bear. Vash had always preferred handguns to other firearms, one of the more minor details that he carried over from the source of his nickname. It was of some minor consolation to him that the nearest weapons available to him were twin pistols, Eva-scaled but otherwise identical to human weaponry, gleaming black against the artificial daylight of the Geo- Front. Not wasting a moment, Vash brought the weapons around even as he saw EVA-01 rising, letting the targeting crosshairs circle and flash green on the form of the purple golem before slamming back the triggers and letting both flash forth with their assault. "First strike," he announced, a minor grin rolling across his lips. Ducking and rolling, Neil forced himself to keep a grip on his weapon, the structure of the gun unfamiliar to him but the intent perfectly obvious. He could feel the anger from before bubbling in the back of his mind, his eyes fixing firmly on Vash as the bullets from the other boy's gun exploded harmlessly against a rockface. Knowing that he only had a momentary chance to even aim, Neil brought up the gun, bracing it against his shoulder as he lashed out with a quick burst of fire, not bothering to let the crosshairs in hopes that he'd be able to throw off Vash at least slightly. The blasts exploded to one side of Vash's Eva, but unable to tell where Neil was firing Vash jerked his machine to one side, losing his lock on Neil even as Neil managed to get the crosshairs to flash a quick green acknowledgement. Another pull of the trigger sent a ripple across Vash's AT Field, the impact throwing off the other boy slightly as Neil felt his face curl into a grimace. He hated to enjoy the situation, hated the fact that he found it somehow liberating, but he could do nothing to alleviate the sensation, his breath naturally coming faster as he kept Vash pinned under a stream from his weapon. Relaxing almost the second that he saw the unmistakable ripple of his AT Field, Vash let himself relax for a moment, forcing himself to remain calm even as the sound of impacts with the bullets filled the air. Glancing about quickly to get a full view of the surroundings, Vash's eyes settled on the lake only a short distance away, and after a momentary pause he flung himself into the air, letting Neil's shots begin to bite into rock as his green Eva hurled towards the lake. Both pistols trained towards the purple goliath, letting the indicator flash green just as he impacted hard with the surface of the water, sending up a massive spray of water as he resumed firing. Neil couldn't see the green Eva behind the cascading sheet of water that exploded upwards, but he could guess at the other boy's intent, and he forced his machine into motion even as the bullets whipped past his location, focusing his weapon's bullets on the lake, letting the rifle fire until it clicked out of ammo just as the waters began to fall back to their natural postion. The green Eva stood in the center of the lake, water dripping slowly off its body, looking like some abomination spawned from the depths of the underground as it slowly let the liquid roll off it. Gritting his teeth more tightly, Neil hurled his rifle with all his strength towards Vash, diving for the nearest other weapon as Vash's handguns whipped up towards him. Seeing a rifle whirl towards him was not what Vash had expected, and Vash forced his Eva to one side as he tried to train his guns back on the boy, determined to continue looking better than the other boy, knowing that he had at least managed to start well. "I have to make them see me like they used to," he snarled, distantly feeling the LCL rush about his body as he let his guns fire off with steady pulses, smoke erupting from the barrel as Neil's machine slowly moved back to its feet. The weapon in Neil's hand was a shotgun, a weapon that he'd never had a chance to use before that felt a little too heavy for his arms. Ignoring it, he pumped the shotgun once and let the barrel swing towards Vash's location, slamming on the trigger and letting out a powerful burst of smoke even as he remained moving. The Geo-Front was beginning to clog with smoke and dust, but Neil could still see EVA-06 diving to one side as the shotgun's blast bit against thin air, the green Eva tossing aside both handguns and pausing for a moment before hefting a rocket launcher. "In this case, I don't have to worry about holding back," Vash announced with a smirk, knowing he was misquoting but not caring as he let the launcher fire twice. Twin contrails of fire and smoke snaked out from the launcher, veering about even as 01 began to lurch away from the attack. One rocket exploded harmlessly against a cliff, but the second slammed into Neil's AT Field, sending the purple Eva sprawling as Vash trained the launcher back on his opponent. He was no longer thinking entirely clearly, something that distantly resonated in his brain as he idly wondered if his synch ratio had improved at all. "Let's see if we can't get rid of your AT Field, Neil." "Both pilots are currently at 50% synch ratio with their machines. Still a little lower than Vash's normal totals, but more than impressive." Maya paused, flicking her eyes towards the main screen and watching as Neil's Eva kicked hard against the dirt, sending the machine skidding away from a pair of explosions before Neil forced it back into a standing postion. "Both of their AT Fields are holding steady at 92% power. They could be at this for hours at this rate." "Let's hope not," replied Misato, resisting the temptation to lean into the microphone and declare that the duel was over, knowing that Gendou would have none of it as he sat overhead. Even with the crippled weaponry, Misato couldn't shake the feeling that something could go seriously wrong, the nagging doubt that Neil had managed to destroy Vash once before and would be more than willing to do it again. It felt almost as though she was betraying the boy, but as bursts of gunfire flashed across them main screen and whipped clouds of smoke and dust into maddening patterns, she couldn't shake the sensation, couldn't wonder how far the boys were willing to go to win. The last few rockets harmlessly exploded against nothing, and a smile emerged across Neil's lips as he realized the green Eva was out of rockets, able to see the beast clearly even through the hazy mist of battle that they'd kicked up. He took a distant mental note that the LCL around him was beginning to acquire a red tint instead of its usual transparency during operation, but his primary focus was on snatching up the oddly-shaped gun lying at his feet, letting the barrel whip around to point at his opponent even as Vash scrambled towards the nearest weapon. "Enjoy," he announced, sneering as his finger slammed down on the trigger, the explosion of smoke from the weapon sending a thrill down his spine even as he felt a mild pang of guilt for enjoying himself so much. Vash had never seen anything like the gun that Neil held in his hand, but the harsh impact from the blast hurled his machine against the nearest obstruction, octagonal ripples from the AT Field filling his line of vision completely as he struggled to recover from the shock. Another loud snap of fire filled the air, and knowing full well what was coming Vash rolled to the side, letting the projectile burst ineffectively against the cliff he'd been pinned against moments earlier, his eyes scanning the ground before seizing upon a pair of shotguns. Smirking, Vash grabbed the weapons, waiting until Neil had fired another shot before dropping to a crouch and aiming the twin weapons. Despite their bulk, they felt perfectly comfortable in his hands, a benefit of his machine's strength that he was more than thankful for as he let the guns fire off. "I'm enjoying this plenty, Neil," taunted Vash, his voice cutting through the noise of gunfire as Neil whirled his machine around and fired another quick shot towards the shotgun-wielding golem across from him. "What about you?" Another shot lashed out from Neil's weapon, his breath coming faster and harder, the red tint in the LCL seeming more pronounced and beginning to obscure the battlefield behind clouds of reddish smoke. "Are you having fun yet?" Both shotguns slammed into Neil's AT Field, and he felt his hand unintentionally release his weapon as he fell backwards, the impact more than enough to send him to the ground. Gritting his teeth, he forced his eyes shut for a moment, knowing that he had to relax, that he didn't want to have anything to do with the angry mind of the Eva. "I have to keep this under control," he muttered, hands groping around the ground for a weapon as he let his eyes open, glancing towards Vash to see the other machine training its weaponry on Neil's position. "Even if it means that I lose to Vash, I can't let myself get carried away..." Within half a second, Neil's hands brushed across the handle of a weapon even as he watched Vash begin to fire again, and without thinking the boy grabbed the hilt of the weapon and rolled aside, not even noticing what he was holding until he had scrambled back to his feet and pointed it towards Vash. He'd expected another gun, but in his hands was a sword, an elegantly curved katana whose blade seemed to reach up past the boy's head, the hilt perfectly shaped for an Eva to grip it, armor surrounding the hilt to protect the machine's hands. Neil stared for a moment, then grasped the hilt with his other hand, brandishing the weapon for only a moment before he began running towards EVA-06. "Silly move, Neil, bringing a sword to a gunfight," Vash called, letting both shotguns lash out towards his opponent as he took a step backwards. The sheer sense of power from the guns was appreciable, the kickback a solid and easy feeling as he watched Neil lunge to one side, releasing his dual-handed grip on the blade and letting it trail along in the ground beside him as he ran. A trail of dust followed the purple golem as it moved, but Vash forced himself not to worry, letting the shotguns fire again, his Eva more than capable of dealing with the weight of the weapons as EVA-01 again lunged to one side faster than Vash had expected it to be able to. "Come on, damn it, hit him," he snarled, moving more quickly, swinging his guns from left to right, trying his best to hit Neil as the other boy swung back and forth. Neil was forcing himself to breathe slowly, the red tint in the LCL faded as he came closer and closer to Vash, right hand gripping the weapon in his hand as tightly as possible. He could feel the blasts from the shotgun whipping just past him, but he ignored it, forcing himself to simply focus on the task at hand as he lunged closer and closer to the green Eva, waiting until what seemed like the last possible moment before dropping into a crouch and springing upwards. Bringing the katana back into a striking position, he held the blade over his head as he began his descent, waiting as he fell until his position was perfect before bringing it down with all of his strength. A mild wave of panic washed over Vash as the gargantuan blade tore into his AT field, cutting the octagonal waves in half even as Neil's field dissolved into thin air. There was a momentary pause from the two Evas, Neil landing hard and kicking up a cloud of dust around them with his katana buried in the dirt. Then Vash's eyes narrowed, realizing the opportunity as he brought around both of the shotguns to point at Neil's head. "That was pretty dumb, Neil," he taunted, taking a deep breath and relishing the style of his victory as he slammed down on the triggers. The sound of both shotguns firing filled Neil's ears, a horrifically loud noise that took him a moment to recover from even though he'd jerked himself just far enough forward that he didn't think Vash's guns would hit him. For a moment, he wondered if he'd been wrong, then he saw that his head had moved just within the range of the other boy's arms, the guns poking at the space it had occupied moments earlier. Taking the opportunity, Neil lunged forward, letting the jagged chin of his machine impact hard against the green armor of Vash's Eva, sending the other staggering back enough for Neil to yank out his katana in a sudden burst of dirt and greenery. Vash had already recovered his bearings, but Neil was more than ready to move, stepping elegantly to the side as Vash fired again. Cursing as his shots flew wide, Vash stumbled back from a sudden slash from Neil, his targeting cursor flying wide as he took another quick step away from the boy. Shaking his head, Vash ignored the cursor and pointed the guns himself, firing quickly at the other boy at a range too close for him to possibly dodge. Neil's Eva stepped far enough to avoid the bulk of the blast, but the shot scored across the purple machine's upper arm, giving Vash some small satisfaction once again at having gotten the first shot in on his opponent. Then he felt the electric sting of the katana impacting hard against his forearm, and out of sheer reflex his hand released one of the shotguns as he staggered backwards, his Eva flashing a damage warning about his left arm. It was becoming harder and harder to remain calm, but Neil forced himself to try, blocking out any thoughts of his opponent as he swung the katana in wide arcs, only noticing the green machine's position relative to the trailing path of the blade. A missed slash sent the sword embedding itself into a cliff, and as Neil tugged hard on it he knew that Vash would take the opportunity to attack, gritting his teeth in anticipation of the minor pain that he knew would accompany getting shot. Sure enough, tiny pinpricks that shot through his skin like liquid fire emerged along his left arm as the noise of the weapon firing filled the air, but Neil forced himself to ignore the damage as best he could, bringing around the blade in another arc and scoring clear across 06's chest. Stumbling backwards, Vash took an instant to try and get his bearings, letting himself step away from another lunging cut by Neil as his mind began to formulate a plan. "I can't lose," he muttered, watching as the other boy brought the katana around and twisted the blade in his hands, trying to hit the remaining shotgun out of Vash's hand. "I've made things bad enough as it is, I can't afford to lose now." Aiming his shotgun, he slammed down on the trigger, and with a smile he watched as Neil stepped to one side of where he thought the gun was aimed, seeming utterly shocked as the blast impacted hard against the blade in his hands. The shimmering weapon flew backwards and embedded itself in the ground, and Vash's smile grew wider as he trained the shotgun on Neil's chest and slammed on the trigger again. Instead of the satisfying noise and smoke of the gun, however, he heard only a loud click, and glancing quickly down at the shotgun both he and Neil realized what had happened. Vash glanced up at the purple Eva, both combatants frozen for a moment as they looked for the nearest weapon, Vash's eyes settling on a nearby rifle. A moment more lingered in peace, the drifting clouds of smoke and dust the only thing moving on the field, then Vash hurled his gun to the side and dove for the rifle, only distantly aware of Neil's eva lurching into motion as well. Certain that he'd managed to get Neil right where he wanted him, Vash scooped up the rifle and whirled around, finger easing against the trigger even as he spun to face the purple blur of Neil's machine. As soon as his finger had finished closing on the trigger, however, he saw a quick blur of motion from the other machine, then felt the rifle in his hand get knocked off to the side. It took him a second to realize what was going on, but by that time Neil had already twirled the spear in his hands around to knock the rifle clear out of Vash's grip, the weapon flying loose through the air. Vash had a moment longer to gape at the Eva, noticing that its eyes were beginning to turn a shade of green, then felt himself falling backwards as the spear slammed into his chest. EVA-06 fell to the ground as Neil drew the spear back, moving with swift but deliberate steps towards the other machine as his hands tightened around the weapon. His breath was coming faster now, the red tint beginning to seep through the LCL around him as he brought the spear around and pointed it dead at the throat of Vash's machine, knowing full well that the blade would still be more than able to cut through the neck even if it couldn't penetrate the Eva's armor. "It's over," he said firmly, pressing the spear just far enough down so that Vash couldn't yank it away without risking the point penetrating the skin of the Eva, a position that left little mystery as to the victor of the fight. "All right, boys, that's enough," snapped Misato, her concern about Neil's ultimate goal in the duel compounded by the scene before her, one hand tightened into a fist out of stress. Neil's Eva remained motionless, however, Vash pinned against the ground and in obvious danger. "Neil, it's time to let Vash get up. You know that." Sitting inside of the cockpit, Neil felt only a minor twitch of guilt as he thought about how easy it would be to simply force the spear down, wondering if it would be enough to kill the other boy. He knew that it was wrong, that he shouldn't do it, but something about the idea made it immensely appealing, despite Misato's warning to the contrary. The Eva's hands shifted excitedly around the haft of the spear, as though the great machine were simply waiting for Neil to go along with his desires, to thrust the pointed weapon forward and see what happened. "No," hissed Neil, closing his eyes as he forced the machine to withdraw the spear from the other boy's throat. There was a sensation of protest, but despite it he kept the arms moving, bringing the spear up and away from Vash before he stabbed it hard into the ground beside him. "I'm not going to act like that, even if I -am- like that." Taking a deep breath, he let his eyes flutter open again as he released the spear, the LCL clear around him once again, Vash's Eva looking almost relieved at the decision he'd made as he extended a hand downward. "Okay, Vash, we're done." Lying inside of his Eva, Vash felt his arms and legs going weak, the situation undeniable as he stared up at Neil. He'd been distantly aware of a nagging doubt in his head about what he'd find if he fought Neil, but as the thick LCL swirled gently around him he knew that he no longer had any chance of convincing anyone of who he was, that all of his weaknesses were plain to see for anyone who cared enough to look. It was proof enough to simply look at his defeat, to see that he'd been so clearly outmatched by the other boy. "Thanks," he said, his voice hesitant as he reached up and took the hand of the other machine, thankful that the other boy couldn't see his eyes as he wondered what he was going to do. ]++[ Each ring of the phone only made the situation worse, the slow beeping noise from the other line only compounding Niobe's worries as she forced herself to focus on the light of the setting sun outside the window. She was almost looking forward to no answer on the other end, but another part of her wondered what it would mean if her parents no longer were even willing to talk to her, if she'd lost the ability to merit their attention. "Why couldn't you call me?" she muttered, shifting her legs uncomfortably, the denim of her jeans feeling agonizingly rough against her chocolate skin. Then, like the sound of a gunshot, she heard the pick up on the other line, a momentary agony shooting through her body as she waited for the person on the other end to speak, knowing full well it would be her father. "Niobe," said the elder man harshly, his voice leaving no doubt in her mind as to how the conversation was going to go as she gently gritted her teeth. "You're five minutes late. That's the latest that you've ever been for our scheduled call time. I am not happy about that." Niobe grimaced. She wanted to say that she hadn't had any choice in the matter, that it had been her first chance to get into the shower without Ryo seeing her, but she knew full well that excuses would only make things worse, that she wouldn't have had to worry about Ryo in the first place if she hadn't managed to be such a spectacular failure. "You're right, fa- Joseph," she stammered, her voice trembling slightly. "I should have called sooner." "It's all right," replied the man on the other hand, giving Niobe a momentary pause as she wondered about whether or not he was actually pleased with her. "Frankly, I shouldn't be expecting even this much from you. You seem to have great difficulty managing anything else, the fact that you're late for a phone call comes as no surprise in the least." "Joseph..." Her voice trailed off for a moment, teeth biting hard against her lip as she forced herself not to cry, a thin layer of cold sweat beading across her forehead. "You're correct, and I'm ashamed about being late for the phone call, especially considering how long it was. But I..." She hesitated. "I don't understand what else I've done to make you upset with me." "Perhaps you should consider the fact that you are a failure, then," replied Joseph, his voice harsh as Niobe's hand shifted against the receiver in her hand, sweat beginning to coat the deep black plastic coating as she shifted uncomfortably. "I've seen what happened during the battle with the Fourteenth Angel, Niobe, and I am not happy in the least. But even more than that, I've seen from the reports at NERV's central base that you haven't even been going in for your regular training. You've been sitting at home and feeling sorry for yourself, nothing more." "That's not true!" snapped Niobe, her words tumbling out before she had the chance to think about it. "I've been waiting for my Eva to be repaired! There's no point in going in to practice if EVA-05 isn't available for me to -" "Don't you -dare- to talk back to me, young lady!" snapped Joseph, his voice loud and hard enough to snap Niobe into silence. It took all of her effort to avoid whimpering into the receiver, her entire body trembling from shock and fear, more than aware of what was coming. "You have no excuses for the way that you have been behaving lately. You were useless against the Twelfth, reckless against the Thirteenth, and nearly killed against the Fourteenth. You've failed to even approach being able to deal with an Angel on your own, and even your performance against the Eleventh was haphazard luck as much as anything." "I understand," Niobe sniffled, realizing a moment later that she'd allowed some noise of her sorrow to creep through the phone. A dulling terror seeped through her body, and she could hear her father's breath growing harsher on the other end of the phone, obviously displeased with her actions. "I'm not crying," she said, her voice hasty, forcing herself to resist the reflex to sniffle again. "I've just gotten a bit of a cold from Ryo, and -" "Now you're -lying- to me," growled Joseph, once again stunning the girl into silence, her body slowly trembling as each word seemed to lash out of the phone like a physical blow. "Pathetic. I'm more than aware of the fact that Ryo Ayanami is in perfect physical condition, just as much as I'm aware of the fact that he's actually been going in and doing his duty as an Eva pilot." He paused. "What does that say to -you-, Niobe? That a little bone-white boy can do better than you, the only daughter of Africa? What do you think other people will think when the nothing Japanese boy -" "He's not -nothing-!" snapped Niobe, a tear trickling down her cheek despite her best efforts as she screamed into the phone. Her breaths were coming shorter now, more ragged even as she tried to surpress her growing panic. "Dad, you don't know anything about Ryo, about how focused he is and how hard he -tries-! We're not enemies, we're both trying do the same thing!" A momentary silence came from the other end of the phone, and Niobe allowed herself the opportunity to briefly believe that her father was truly listening to her, that he was going to understand what she was saying and not be furious with her. It was a fantasy, and she knew it, simply let herself believe it for the scant few seconds until she heard her father sharply breathe in. "You talk back to me, you don't listen to me, and worst of all you called me -Dad-," sneered the man, obviously now finding easy fodder to be angry at the girl at the other end of the line. "But that's not what disturbs me the most. I can tell that you've gone and decided that you want to start -dating-. You and this boy have been doing this for a while, haven't you?" "Joseph, please, you don't understand," stammered Niobe, her eyes shut tight to try and hold back the floodgate of her tears. Her entire body was shivering now, the few seconds of the conversation more than enough to set her trembling despite the warmth of Tokyo-3's setting sunlight. "Don't assume that I don't understand something obvious, you lying little girl," snarled the man, his words sounding more hateful than Niobe could ever remember them being before. "You've been dating this boy behind my back. Bad enough that you're dating in the first place, letting yourself be distracted from more important things, but you have to pick the worst possible person, a Japanese boy instead of someone actually worthy of you, worthy of my daughter." There was a momentary pause, and Niobe tried to say something, but her voice caught in her throat as a choking sob, just quiet enough for Joseph not to hear her. "Fine. Why should it surprise me? Why should any of the worthless things that you do surprise me any more? You don't seem to care at all about all the time and effort that made you what you are, Niobe. All you care about is yourself, not success." The man snarled, the noise incoherent. "There's nothing left for me to say, Niobe, except for the fact that I've never been so disappointed in you." "Please don't say that," sniffled Niobe, her body shuddering so hard that she could barely even keep her hands steady enough to hold the phone, the only thing clearly visible through her tearing eyes the slowly-moving sunlight outside the window. "I'm your daughter, Joseph. You know that." "You're no daughter of mine. Not any more." Without so much as a goodbye, the phone clicked off, leaving only a dead dial tone ringing in Niobe's ear. She stared at the receiver for a moment, dumbfounded, then let her body pitch forward as she began to sob, her tears streaming down across her skin, small glittering furrows against the chocolate surface of her skin. She didn't even notice the noise of the front door opening and closing, or the sound of footsteps approaching her location. "Niobe?" asked Ryo, his voice enough to snap her to attention as he stepped towards her, red eyes wide as he extended a hand. She felt herself only slowly realizing what was happening, glancing quickly at the phone in terror before looking back towards Ryo. "Is something the matter? I heard you when I got home, and -" "Don't look at me," whispered Niobe, staggering off the couch and letting the phone drop to the floor, her vision blurred and head dizzy as she staggered to her feet. Ryo still stared, and she stepped away from the couch she had sat on, her feet unsteady, tears dripping from her eyes and splattering against the floor, the world swimming as the sunlight struck against the wall besides her in its last few beams. "Don't look at me!" She took a single haltering step forward, still unsteady on her feet, Ryo stepping backwards but still keeping her in clear sight. "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Lunging forward, Niobe pushed past Ryo as her legs gained some minor measure of stability, just enough to send her barreling past the pale blue-haired boy and towards her room. The door didn't seem to want to open fast enough, but the second that it allowed her entrance she let it slam behind her, hurling her body towards the bed, her sobs escalating to wails as she felt the soft fabric of the sheets embrace her. "I've failed him," she moaned, ignoring the noise of Ryo gently knocking on the door and asking her to come out, knowing that she'd already made more than enough of a fool out of herself in his eyes. "I've failed Joseph, I've failed Ryo, I've failed me. I'm worthless." Her fingers clutched tightly at the bedsheets, tears dripping into them and sending out small bursts of moisture across the fabric. "Why couldn't I have just destroyed that damn Angel? Why?" No answer was forthcoming, and Niobe simply let herself continue to sob, knowing for certain that she wouldn't be forgiven her failures this time, that Joseph was too angry with her failure for anything to make it all right again. Her body shuddered, and pressing her body hard against the bed she wished that it would absorb her, that she could simply dissolve away into its folds instead of trying to prove herself worthy of anything ever again. She only distantly noticed when Ryo moved away from her door, her eyes still holding the images of the setting sun from the window, the recollection of light not nearly enough to chase away the dark shadows that had overtaken her eyes. ]++[ Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic, but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with the utmost respect for the original works and their authors. Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original. Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are. Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but that's more than I know. Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre. NEXT EPISODE: A city lies shattered. An enemy lies in waiting. A child lies broken. NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 21: BROKEN HALOS "Even my own body doesn't want me to walk any more." ]++[ We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it. Electronic Transcendence Productions: http://www.lostfactor.net Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period. Rants: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lostfactor