From: eltf@hotmail.com (Eliot Lefebvre)
Subject: [Eva][FanFic] Neon Epoch Evangelion: Episode 22
X-Original-Date: 20 Jan 2003 08:51:56 -0800

You -spray- pre-story warnings!  It's what you do!:

This fanfic is an original take on GAINAX's "Shin Seiki Evangelion."
It contains alternative characters, plots, and a different overriding
internal logic.  It is intended, from the beginning, to be different.
This includes different Children and different histories.  In short: if
the mere thought of someone other than Shinji in the cockpit of EVA-01
makes you queasy, you are in -entirely- the wrong place.  Any and all
flames stemming from this alteration will be mocked mercilessly.  You
have been warned.

There's something profound about turning twenty years old, I suppose.
There'd be something more profound if I was posting Episode 20 at this
point, but I'm not, and at any rate I hardly feel "equipped" for being
this old.  Especially since I still laugh periodically at the word
"titmouse."

But, anyways, you didn't come here to listen to my not-yet-mid-life-
crisis, you came here to read about people getting the crap end of the
deal of life.  Happy to oblige.

                                  ]++[

               ]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[
                                presents

                         ]+ NEON       EPOCH +[
                   ]+ E  V  A  N  G  E  L  I  O  N +[

                  ]+ EPISODE 22: CRUCIFIX OF HEARTS +[

                     By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre

             Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX

                                  ]++[

We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve.  But
this man has done nothing wrong.
- LUKE 23:10

                                  ]++[

Somehow, the simple absence of one of the Children made the entire
testing room seem more empty, even though it was the first time that
Misato could remember in recent history, with almost all of the
Children testing at once.  The simple sight of the five entry plugs in
the chamber should have been enough to offset any of her feelings of
loneliness, but as she stared at the plugs, numbers bold across the
entry hatch, she couldn't help but be painfully aware of the lack of
Niobe.  "How much longer is it going to take?" she asked Ritsuko,
briefly flicking her eyes towards the blonde woman.

"I don't know," replied Ritsuko, her eyes fixed on Maya's console, not
bothering to deviate for even a second.  "We've still got a lapse in
data from the stunt you pulled last week.  So I have to at least finish
putting together enough information for Nieve and Neil to make up for
the gap, and then I can start dealing with the rest of the Children."
She paused.  "Or are you going to object to that, too?"

Misato felt her fists clenching tightly, her pulse quickening slightly
as she stared at the other woman.  There had been an obvious tension
between the two of them since the incident with the Fifteenth Angel, as
though the veneer of civility had disappeared from Misato at just the
right time.  It was simultaneously a liberating experience and an
irritation - while Misato had little interest in the continued
emotional fencing between her and Ritsuko over Kaji, she couldn't say
that she was enjoying the new dynamic any more.  "Despite what you
might think, Ritsuko, we have an obligation to these children," Misato
sighed, forcing herself to remain calm.

Ritsuko glanced back towards Misato momentarily, then flicked her eyes
back towards Maya's display, apparently unconcerned with the other
woman's statement.  "Nieve's ratio is the only one that hasn't fallen
at all since recent events," she noted, speaking to Maya and not
Misato.  "Even Ryo seems to have tapered off a little."

"He's been going down to visit Niobe daily," offered Misato, taking a
step forward, finally drawing some attention from Ritsuko as she
spoke.  "I imagine that he's taken the loss of his roommate rather
hard, considering how little he sees of others.  Especially the
circumstances under which -"

"That's a minor detail," replied Ritsuko sharply, turning immediately
back towards the testing booth, her white lab coat swishing about her
ankles.  "Much as it might be nice to worry about Ryo's emotional
problems, we have to be more concerned about the reality of the
situation.  Our pilots are in a downward spiral, and that doesn't bode
well for our long-term goals."  She paused briefly, staring at the
booth before glancing towards Maya once again.  "You don't suppose we
could try manually increasing the synch ratio and hoping to minimize
the feedback?"

"You've got to be kidding."  Misato stepped forward and forced her heel
down firmly, letting the point click hard against the metal floor and
drawing Ritsuko's attention just as Maya opened her mouth to speak.
The expression on the blonde woman's face left Misato with little doubt
that the woman was fully serious, but she allowed her the benefit of
the doubt.  "Look at what just happened to Niobe, Ritsuko.  We can't
force these children into that sort of situation in good conscience."

"And what of our obligation to be the adults here?" hissed Ritsuko,
lowering her voice even as she took a step closer to Misato.  Her eyes
were flashing with something Misato couldn't quite place, somewhere
between anger and simple resentment.  "I don't like the thought of it
either.  But what's important isn't being kind to them, whether we like
it or not.  If push comes to shove, our first priority is to destroy
the Angels, you know that."

"Our priorities are -wrong-," snarled Misato, the old doubts flaring in
the back of her mind and springing to life.  "I've been hearing that
since the first time we deployed EVA-01, and it's not -right-.  If we
can't take care of six teenagers, how the hell can we be expected to
take care of the entire planet?"

Ritsuko's jaw clenched more tightly, and the other woman forced herself
to look away for a moment before stepping closer to Misato and staring
her directly in the eye.  "Even if our priorities are wrong, we don't
have any choices.  You should know that, -Major- Katsuragi - this is a
military organization at its core.  Our responsibility has to be saving
as many people as we can.  If six children have to die in order to save
three billion others, that's an acceptable loss."  She paused.  "And if
you're not willing to make that decision, perhaps it's time you
considered another line of work."

"What the -hell- has happened to you, Ritsuko?" snapped Misato,
stepping closer herself and staring her former best friend in the eye
as well, feeling anger build up in her chest.  "You're using people as
if they were nothing but machines, and you don't seem to care about
it.  Every time you talked about your mother, this is what you said
that you hated about her, and now you're -"

"-Don't-," snapped Ritsuko, her right hand jerking up and her index
finger pushing hard against Misato's nose.  There was only anger
flashing in her eyes now, no traces of anything else.  "Don't you dare
finish that sentence.  You have -no- right to talk about me or my
mother."  She paused, then turned away from Misato, coat and hair
swishing gently.  "Just like you don't have any right to talk about
Kaji."

Misato frowned for a moment, then reached out and grabbed Ritsuko's
shoulder, yanking the other woman back towards her, a more physical
gesture than she was accustomed to making.  "That's where you're wrong,
Dr. Akagi," she snapped, forcing herself into Ritsuko's face, distantly
aware of the pensive look taking hold on Maya's face.  "I was with Kaji
a lot longer than you have been, and I know more about him than you
ever could."

"That's what you convinced yourself," snapped Ritsuko, yanking her
shoulder away from the other woman with a scowl, straightening her lab
coat with a quick tug.  "You thought you knew a lot more about him than
you actually did.  But if you knew the first thing about him, it
wouldn't be you alone right now."  Glaring, Ritsuko took a step
backwards, her gaze still locked on Misato.  "Not like you could get
him back now if you tried."

"I don't -want- him back," snapped Misato right back, taking a step
forward to counter the other woman's movement, her anger drawing her
along.  "I just don't want -you- to have him.  You don't have any
right, Ritsuko, after the relationship he and I had.  We were lovers
back then, you know that better than anybody."

"You were the only one in love, Misato," Ritsuko said coldly, folding
her arms across her chest and letting her blue-gray eyes shimmer
underneath the humming fluorescent lights above them.  "You want to
know what Kaji was going to tell you the day that you left him?  He was
going to say that he was leaving, that he didn't want to lie to you any
longer."  She paused, seeming to take some small pleasure in the pain
written across her friend's face.  "He was only staying with you out of
pity, not any kind of genuine love.  Once his obligations were
finished, he didn't have any interest in you."

Before Misato even knew it, her hand was flying along a path of its
own, striking across Ritsuko's cheek hard and filling the air with the
snapping noise of a slap.  There was a momentary pause, the world
seeming to slow down to a crawl as Ritsuko's head recoiled, red
blossoming along her cheek, her expression returning to the icy and
disapproving gaze that Misato had grown accustomed to.  Then, shaking
her head, Misato turned and stepped away from Ritsuko, her jaw set in a
hard line, hand rippling with the sting of the contact with the other
woman.

Ritsuko watched Misato leave, then raised one hand and gingerly touched
the spot where she had been slapped, as though she was afraid it was
bleeding.  "Ma'am?"  Maya's voice sounded worried, and Ritsuko only
lingered for a moment longer before turning towards the younger woman,
taking in the nervous position of her body.  "Are... are you all
right?  Is there something I should know about?"

"No," replied Ritsuko, forcing herself to take a deep breath as she
stepped over towards the testing booth once again.  "Just me letting my
emotions get the better of me once again."  She paused for a moment,
flicking her eyes towards the booth, then turning back towards Maya
reluctantly.  "Though between the two of us, we'll need to keep an eye
on Misato.  I'm starting to wonder whether or not she's fit for her
position any longer."

                                  ]++[

"You shouldn't be in here."  It was a simple statement, enough to
rattle Kaji ever so slightly as he leaned back in his chair, a minor
look of surprise sweeping over his face as he leaned back and stared at
the entering subcommander.  Kozou had no doubt that the man took the
warning as hollow, but he still felt a vague obligation to say it, to
make it clear that he did understand full well what Kaji was doing.
"The security room is no place for the head of the Intelligence
department."

"I disagree.  I consider this gathering intelligence."  Kaji paused,
then glanced back towards the wall of television monitors in front of
him, each one conveniently labeled in regards to where the security
camera was located.  It was dizzying, seeing all of the images flashing
at once, but Kaji seemed unaffected, sitting in the chair in front of
the screens and leaning back, his legs just beneath the control console
for the room.  "There's an awful lot to be found out in this building,
you know, and a lot of it isn't hidden too well.  Or at least, not so
well that the security system doesn't look over it."

Kozou shook his head, then stepped fully into the room, letting the
darkness encase him as the teal-gray metal doors slid shut behind him.
The only light in the room came from the cameras and the flashing
indicators on the console, a way to keep the room as free of
distractions as possible.  "How did you even get in here, anyways?" he
asked, casting his eyes about the multitude of screens.  "I didn't see
any damage with the key lock, and I know you don't have the authority
on your entry card."

The younger man didn't reply for a moment, then tilted his head back
towards his elder and smiled broadly.  "A girl has to keep some
secrets," he offered, drumming his fingers idly along the arm of the
chair before looking back towards the monitor.  "So, what are you going
to do to me today, Commander Fuyutsuki?  Heck, for that matter, how did
you even know that I was in here?"

"You think that we don't have failsafe monitors on this room?" asked
Kozou, sounding just the slightest bit incredulous as he stepped over
to the younger man's chair, letting himself take in the displays around
him.  "This was really a more reckless move than I would have expected
of you, Ryoji.  We've got this room under close surveillance, you have
to know that.  And you knew that we'd notice the second you entered it."

"I'm getting bold," replied Kaji lightly, leaning forward in his chair
and looking more closely at one of the monitors, apparently unconcerned
by the implications Kozou was making.  "Besides, you've said it
yourself, you think that NERV has a leak to SEELE.  I'm doing my best
to monitor the situation and find out who it might be."  He paused,
then smirked.  "Not that NERV has anything to hide."

"We both know that's not the truth, Kaji.  Who are you trying to
convince?"  The elder man sighed, looking towards the monitor that
looked into the synch testing room, distantly aware of the fact that
Misato should have been there.  "And you shouldn't take this so
lightly.  I find you out because I know more about this than you do.
My patience is nearing its end.  Can't you accept the idea that NERV is
benevolent?"

"Not really, no," replied Kaji, turning towards the elder man fully,
his hands planted firmly behind his head as he stared up.  "If it was,
it really wouldn't have anything to hide.  I wouldn't be finding such
interesting little secrets when I dig through old records, just
financial information and other things that any organization would keep
secret."

Sighing, Kozou shook his head, feeling as though he was in a
confessional despite the circumstances.  "Being a benevolent
organization doesn't mean that everyone will agree with your methods,"
he offered, knowing that he was saying more than he should but also
knowing that he wasn't saying anything Kaji didn't already know.
"Sometimes, people need to have the truth obscured from them for their
own good.  That's what differentiates leaders and visionaries from
others."

Kaji chuckled, sounding more bitter than anything else.  "Sounds to me
as though you're trying to justify yourself," he said, turning back
towards the monitors and leaning back, seemingly unfazed by the tack of
the conversation.  "Leaders who have something to hide from the public
usually have a different idea of what's good for them than the
majority.  They either make people afraid to question their goals, or
they keep them hidden so that nobody can question them.  Don't you
think people know what is and isn't good for them?"

"People just want to stay the same," replied Kozou, shaking his head
and grabbing the back of Kaji's chair, forcing the younger man to turn
and face him.  The motion obviously shocked Kaji, something that gave
Kozou some mild satisfaction.  "They don't realize that this is a time
of change, that someone is needed to guide the changes in the most
beneficial direction."  He paused, staring the younger man in the eye
for a moment before glancing back towards the display of the synch
booth.  "Ritsuko's more than aware of everything that goes on here,
things I'm certain you haven't found out.  Does that bother you?"

"Not particularly," replied Kaji, letting his gaze follow Kozou's, his
eyes resting on the glass monitor and growing slightly wistful.
"What's going on between her and Misato bothers me more.  I wish this
room got some kind of audio feed from the room, something to let me
know what they had been arguing about."  He paused, biting his lower
lip gently.  "They were great friends in college.  Nothing could come
between them."

"Obviously -you- could," replied Kozou, a hint of bitterness creeping
into his voice even as Kaji looked towards him in surprise.  The elder
man only glanced briefly towards the younger man, shaking his head.
"Come on, Kaji, do you honestly not realize what they're arguing
about?  Or have you been so busy trying to undermine NERV's ultimate
goals that you simply haven't noticed the tension between the two of
them?"

"I was being optimistic," replied Kaji, shaking his head gently as he
stared at the main screen.  He was taking the situation seriously, that
much Kozou could tell from the expression on his face, but exactly what
he was thinking was hidden.  "I don't like the thought of doing
something to the two of them... but I hardly have a choice in the
matter."

"Explain that," replied Kozou firmly, distantly aware that his voice
was growing more angry.  "You decided to begin a relationship with
Ritsuko when you arrived, not the other way around.  Whatever you
believe, I'm certain that you couldn't have imagined that would have a
positive effect on their relationship with one another.  How could you
not call that your own fault?"

Kaji didn't reply immediately, instead letting his eyes fall back
towards the display of the testing room, a vaguely wistful look in his
eyes.  "It's for their own good," he said at length, only flicking his
eyes towards Kozou for a second as if to see the elder man's reaction
to his prodding.  "Even if they don't realize it."

"You're too hold to be acting like this," snapped Kozou, his patience
beginning to wear thin.  "And I don't have interest in playing verbal
fencing games with you, especially not right now.  Those women are in
this state because of your actions, and you need to take responsibility
for that."

"What makes you think I -don't-?" asked Kaji, his expression unchanging
as he stood from his seat, standing nearly level with Dr. Fuyutsuki in
height.  "I take responsibility for all of my actions, Kozou.  Even the
ones where I don't like the consequences."  He paused, letting his
words sink in.  "What isn't NERV admitting responsibility for, doctor?
For that matter, what was it that made you decide to stop trying to
find that out yourself, made you decide that you were going to join the
organization you'd spent so much time investigating?"

A dry lump formed in Kozou's throat, and he kept his eyes fixed on the
monitor that looked into the synch testing chamber.  "I found out what
was being kept secret," replied Kozou flatly.  "Just because I was
investigating didn't mean that I wanted to tear the organization down,
Ryoji.  I only wanted to know what I wasn't being told."

"I don't believe that for a second," replied Kaji flatly, drawing a
sharp stare from Kozou.  "Here's what I think happened.  I know full
well that SEELE contacted you after the Second Impact, and that's when
you pieced together enough about the research being performed at the
site to know that there was something far more interesting than a
meteor impact going on.  Except you also knew something more important
than anyone else who was curious about the site - you knew Yui and
Gendou Ikari, two of the head researchers.  And that gave you the
momentum to start looking into what the heck Gehirn was doing in the
first place."  He paused.  "But when you confronted your old student
Yui -"

"Enough," snapped Kozou, stepping between Kaji and the monitors, brown
eyes flashing with anger in a way that he couldn't remember happening
for years.  He was almost always within complete control of his
emotions, but something in Kaji's words had tipped him over the edge to
anger.  "This room is off-limits to you, Ryoji.  Leave now, or I'll
contact NERV's security personnel, and we can see if they'll be as
lenient as I've been with your activities."

The two men stared at one another for a moment, as though they were
feeling each other out, testing to see which would break first.  It was
an uncomfortable situation for Kozou, something he could never remember
being good at coupled with the fact that he was already nervous about
what Kaji might be planning.  After a moment, Kaji simply shook his
head, turning and stepping slowly towards the exit.  "All right,
doctor," he said calmly.  "No more for today."

"No more.  Period."  Something in the elder man's voice convinced Kaji
to turn back around and look at Fuyutsuki, a minor courtesy he was
grateful for.  "I'm not going to allow this any longer.  Enough is
enough.  The next time that I catch you doing something that you're not
supposed to, you'll be called on it."  He paused.  "I've tried warning
you, but you haven't listened.  Call this your final warning."

Kaji glanced towards the door again, then back at Fuyutsuki, as though
he was weighing his option.  "This really means that much to you, does
it?" he asked, sounding genuine as he took a step back towards the
elder man.  "I'd thought that you considered me something of a
comrade.  But protecting NERV comes first?"

"For your own good."  The words felt awkward coming out of his mouth, a
sensation he didn't like in the least, having long assumed that periods
of awkward words and self-doubt lay in his distant past.  He knew that
at his age he was supposed to have a handle on his situation, that he
shouldn't be second-guessing himself and his words.  "I can't trust
what you'd do if you knew everything, Kaji.  There's too much risk
involved in that.  If you're going to keep trying to tear down this
organization, I won't protect you."  He paused.  "And while you're at
it, stop playing around with Ritsuko and Misato.  They're people, not
tools."

"So is everyone on this planet," replied Kaji gravely, turning on his
heel and heading for the door.  The was an oddly resigned expression on
his face, as though he intended not to give up so much as simply ensure
Fuyutsuki didn't find out what he was doing.  "Keep that in mind,
professor.  You have no more right to play with the lives of the planet
than I do."

The doors slid open and shut behind Kaji, and Fuyutsuki forced himself
to take a deep breath, trying to calm himself down and remind himself
that he was doing the right thing.  It was an awkward feeling, the
doubt coursing through his mind as he gazed back at the display of the
testing room, his mind gently toying with the idea of whether Kaji was
right or not.

                                  ]++[

Eiko Suzuhara was feeling just the slightest bit out of step with her
world.  That, in and of itself, was nothing particularly unusual to
her, having felt as though she'd missed something important ever since
Neil's cataclysmic battle with the Thirteenth Angel.  It was a
different feeling now, though, a sort of creeping discomfort in her gut
as she stared at the half-filled glass in front of her, the sound of
laughter echoing from the tables nearby, eyes taking in unfocused
images of the rest of the restaurant.  "Wonder what's taking Vash so
long," she muttered to herself, idly running a finger along the rim of
her glass.

Sighing, the girl let herself shift her gaze about the room, taking in
the deep brown furniture and the dim romantic lighting, the slow
movements of the fan on the ceiling keeping the place just cool enough
as waiters bustled about in perfectly pressed black and white suits.
There had been a time when she would have laughed at them for being so
caught up in their appearance, but she couldn't figure out whether or
not she was so disgusted with them or not.  It was a dicomforting
thought that she hadn't even intended to have, and casting her eyes
back towards the direction of the restroom she tried to push it back
out of her head.

It hadn't been a good day, even with the fact that Vash had finally
lived up to his word and taken her out to someplace nicer than the
arcade for dinner.  The worst part, though, was the fact that she
couldn't put a finger on what it was that was bugging her, what the
strange melancholy seeping through her body had come from.  It had been
permeating everything she did for weeks now, and it irritated her in
the back of her mind that it had been Nieve who had noticed it first.

Taking a sip of her drink, Eiko let her eyes flicker to the smooth tan
pattern running across the ceiling, memory playing the quick exchange
between her and the other girl inside the locker room.  It had been
sudden and unexpected, the other girl pulling her aside just as she was
about to leave.  "Hey, Eiko, can I ask you something?" she'd asked, her
head cocking slightly to one side, red hair falling along the shoulder
of her half-buttoned blouse.

At the time, Eiko hadn't thought anything of it.  "Sure, go ahead,"
she'd replied, happy to have someone to talk to in the wake of Hikari's
impending departure.  "What's going on?  Was something wrong with your
Eva?"

"Um, not exactly."  Nieve's voice had gone oddly quiet at that moment,
the first sign to Eiko that something odd was going on.  "Eiko...
you're not attracted to Neil at all, are you?"  She'd paused then,
letting her head roll back slightly, the fluorescent light reflecting
into her emerald eyes, an oddly derisive gesture.  "I mean, I know the
two of you are friends, but... that's all, right?"

Exhaling sharply, Eiko shook her head, breaking from her memory for the
barest moment, letting herself trace her finger along the rim of the
glass as she glanced towards the men's room again, wishing that Vash
would return to the table.  "She didn't have any right to ask me that,"
she muttered to herself, letting her fingers move down and drum against
the side of the glass, small beads of moisture splattering against her
skin.

She'd said nothing that sharp at the time, however, and while part of
her wished that she had part of her was glad that she hadn't been
rude.  "We're just friends," she'd said, turning somewhat sharply away
from Nieve, her musceles tensing slightly as she felt a red flush seep
into her cheeks.  "Nothing more than that.  Good friends, I'll admit,
but that doesn't mean anything."

"Right."  There had been a tension in the other girl's voice just then,
something that Eiko couldn't quite place even as she thought back to
it, as though Nieve had seen through Eiko's own doubts on the matter.
"Sorry.  Just needed to ask."  She paused.  "I guess it's just because
of how lonely this place is now, without Niobe.  It was empty enough
with only the three of us."

"Yeah," muttered Eiko, letting her eyes drift closed momentarily as she
tapped her fingers against the glass once again, trying to figure out
why the conversation had bothered her so intensely.  She knew that it
was irrational, that all she'd done was answer a question honestly, but
something in the back of her mind wouldn't stop nagging her about the
fact that she'd answered it honestly, as though she was lying to
herself simply by saying so.

Her eyes flicked back towards the men's room idly, and she'd grown so
accustomed to not seeing Vash that it took her a moment to fully
realize that he was walking towards her.  "Hey," she said, trying to
sound calm as she straightened her body out in her seat, trying to look
proper as best she could.  "Nothing yet.  We always know what we want
as soon as we come..."

"...and that frightens the waiters away," Vash finished, smirking
towards the girl as he sat down, his blonde hair swishing about his
chin.  It was a disturbing change that she'd noticed in the boy, the
way that he'd stopped caring at all about his hair and his appearance,
a change that had only grown more marked with time.  She could see the
black roots of his hair clearly now, poking out between the dyed-blonde
strands.  "But that's okay.  I'm in no hurry, especially considering
how much homework we've got."

The remark would have made Eiko laugh under normal circumstances, but
with the doubts riddling her mind she simply tilted her head forward
and managed a weak smile.  "Everyone's moving away," she sighed.
"Hikari's mother is moving within a week, now, and Mom and Dad want to
take Toji and move out to the fringe of Tokyo-3.  I've told them that
it's not going to be any better out there, that the Evas would have
more trouble getting out there, but..."

"I know.  Dad's the only one in the city that doesn't seem to be
worried."  Vash sighed, letting his blue eyes trace across the table
for a moment, something hidden beneath his eyes by the dim light of the
restaurant.  It was gone in an instant, but Eiko knew that it had been
there, knew that she would have to figure out what it was sooner or
later.  "But, then, it's not like his habits would change anyways.
Unless the Angels crush all the liquor stores."

"At least you can -talk- to your parents," replied Eiko, shifting
uncomfortably in her seat.  "I mean, I even try to explain to Mom and
Dad that they wouldn't be any safer on the outskirts, and..."  She
paused, realizing that the boy was looking noticably less comfortable
with the new topic of conversation.  "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry.  It wasn't intentional, I know it."  He sighed, shaking
his head, right hand snaking forth and grabbing his fork to tap it
gently against the dull brown table.  "I just wish that Mom was still
around.  She'd be able to talk some sense into the man."  Another sigh,
and Vash let his eyes rest on Eiko once again, seemingly finished with
his melancholy on the surface.  "Enough of that.  How did your day go?"

"Okay, I suppose.  After testing I finally found that nifty little B-
net client that you'd been talking about, then I spent a little time
online, got a bit of sketching done, nothing too major."  She paused,
momentarily debating whether or not to talk about her conversation with
Nieve, knowing that she shouldn't have anything to worry about but
still feeling slightly nervous.  "And I had a kind of weird talk with
Nieve today, after testing."

Vash's fingers slipped ever so slightly, and the fork clattered out of
his fingers unexpectedly, drawing Eiko's gaze towards it momentarily
before she snapped her eyes back towards the boy.  "Oh," he said,
sounding as though he was holding something back but at the same time
sounding more normal than Eiko could remember him sounding for some
time.  "What was it about?  Evangelion troubles?  Woman troubles?"

"I'm not exactly sure," replied Eiko, shaking her head weakly, eyes
glancing about the room and wishing that she could see some sign of
their waiter, already regretting the direction she'd steered the
conversation in.  "But she asked me if I was attracted to Neil or not.
That was the part that really threw me."

Glancing towards Vash quickly, Eiko expected some reaction from the
boy, and was rather surprised to simply see a blank expression on the
boy's face.  He had recovered the fork, letting the thin metal drum
lightly against the table, and after watching him for a moment Eiko
shook her head and returned to scanning the building for their waiter,
glad that the conversation had cut itself off.

"Are you?"  The question sent a shock down Eiko's spine, all of her
muscles tensing in unison as she stared at Vash in surprise.  He seemed
unidistressed, his voice calm and measured, eye focused on Eiko as he
let his fork fall rythmically against the table in smooth motions.
"It's not a hard question.  Are you?"

"You... I... of course not!"  Eiko could feel her cheeks seeping full
of a burning red flush, her own inability to make a decision about her
feelings gnawing at her gut along with hunger.  "Vash, I'm with -you-,
not Neil.  Doesn't that say something to you?  Something important?"

"It says to me that you're dodging the question," replied Vash, setting
his fork down gently and taking a quick sip of his own drink, something
hiding within his eyes that Eiko couldn't quite put a name on.  "Hon,
I'm not asking you if you're dating him or something.  I'm just asking
you whether or not you're attracted to him or not.  It's a simple
question."  He paused, setting his drink down and staring intently at
the girl, arms folding on the table in front of him.  "So... are you
attracted to Neil or not?  What did you say to Nieve?"

"I said..."  Eiko paused, biting her lower lip gently, knowing what the
correct answer was and not wanting to answer the question at all.  She
had no idea what Vash was looking for, not the slightest clue what he
was trying to find out, but most confusing of all was the fact that he
didn't look the slightest bit rattled by the prospect of her saying
yes.  It threw her more than she'd expected, and in the back of her
mind she let the concept kick around while she turned back to the
situation at hand.  "Where is this coming from?"

"You brought it up," he replied with a shrug, letting himself lean back
slightly in his chair, head tilting back and staring at the ceiling.
"You said that Nieve had asked you the question, so I was curious about
what your answer had been.  Nothing more, nothing less."  He paused,
then tilted his head forward as the rest of his body remain leaning, an
oddly relaxed appearance for the boy.  "Why don't you want to answer
the question?"

"Because it's not the sort of thing that you usually ask," replied
Eiko, tone sharper than before, a note of concern managing to slide
in.  "Because you're acting odd about this, because usually you'd go
nuts at the simple concept of me being attracted to Neil."  She paused,
cocking her head slightly to one side.  "Is something wrong, hon?  Is
this connected to why you haven't dyed your hair again?"

Vash's eyes widened noticably, and one hand raised to the side of his
head, touching against the thin blonde hairs.  "Oh.  This."  He
shrugged, letting his arm drift back down.  "Not really.  It's just not
the way that my hair looks, you know that.  Back before I saw Trigun, I
had black hair.  I barely even remember why I spent all that time dying
and styling it in the first place."  He paused, then smirked weakly at
her, something obviously gnawing at him from behind the grin.  "You
always said that it was the hair that got you, though.  That if I
hadn't changed it, you might not have started dating me."

Eiko managed a nervous smile, but she knew that the boy was glossing
over the issue, that something far more fundamental was wrong.  "You've
been keeping your hair that way for years now, though," she sighed,
shaking her head.  "Hon, what's going on?  Why do you care about some
stupid question Nieve asked me out of the blue, something I shouldn't
have evene told you about?"

"I'm curious," replied Vash with a shrug, tilting his head back towards
the ceiling, dim light still managing to filter through the remaining
blonde strands of his hair.  "It's a question that I want the answer to
anyways."  He sighed, then shook his head gently.  "Besides, there's
nothing that I can do about it either way.  You're attracted to who
you're attracted to, even if it isn't me."

"What are you -talking- about?" asked Eiko, beginning to grow visibly
more distraught as she stared at the boy across from her, wishing that
he would turn his face towards her.  She had no way of knowing what he
was expecting or wanting from her, knew only that she was nervous.
"Come on.  You're really starting to scare me."

"Sorry," replied the boy weakly, letting his eyes flutter shut for a
moment before slowly leaning back towards Eiko, elbows resting on the
table.  "I guess I've just been thinking about it a lot, ever since my
little duel with Neil, the way that he managed to take me out even with
me trying my hardest."  He sighed.  "Remember how much I said that I
was going to fix NERV?  How I bragged all that first day that I was
going to show all those slackers what it meant to pilot an Eva?"

Again, Eiko smiled weakly, but Vash didn't seem to notice, lost in his
own words and recollection.  "Thing is, Neil's not a slacker.  He's
done everything right in his Eva... even when he almost killed me, he
was doing the right thing for the situation, making certain that the
Angel was destroyed.  We would all be dead several times over if it
wasn't for the way that he piloted that machine."  He paused.  "I
guess... I can see why you were attracted to him in the first place.  I
don't blame you.  I'm even a little upset with myself for not seeing it
sooner."

"Vash..."  Eiko's voice trembled and cracked slightly, her nervousness
increasing with each word out of the boy's mouth, something
inexplicably damning about them.  She wanted to reach over the table
and grasp him, to make him feel better, but part of her couldn't help
but agree with him, that there was something inescapably attractive
about Neil.  Torn between two emotions that both seemed oddly foreign
to her, she could only shake and hang her head, her hands clenching
gently.  "Vash."

"Forget I mentioned it," replied the boy, shaking his head again as he
stared off into the distance, a feeling Eiko couldn't quite place
lingering behind his eyes.  She had never understood her relationship
with Vash perfectly, but the situation only seemed to have made things
more complicated.  One hand closed around the fork, and she found
herself wishing for her sketchpad, for some means of exerting reason on
the world before her eyes.

                                  ]++[

Misato Katsuragi was crying.  She knew that, and she hated the fact
that she was being so weak about the situation, that a simple remark
designed to sting from Ritsuko had worked so successfully.  She took
some solace in the fact that her tears were weak, simple minor droplets
of water rolling down against her tanned cheek like miniature marbles,
her brown eyes half-closed as she walked through the hallways of NERV.

On an ordinary day, she would have expected to see more technicians and
other employees crowing the streets, something other than the
conspicious lack of other human beings.  But she knew that she would
have the hallway mostly to herself, especially in light of the
increasing turnover rate for NERV, the sharp increase in the number of
employees resigning from the agency.  It was something that she knew
she was supposed to be managing on some level, but trying to stop the
flow of people out of Tokyo-3 seemed a task akin to turning back the
tide.  "They don't trust us," she muttered, trying to distract herself
with thoughts of the city, fluorescent light going blurry in the tear-
filled view of her eyes.  "They're probably right, too.  We haven't
been doing a banner job of keeping the city safe."

Biting her lower lip, Misato found herself thinking of the fact that
all of the work she was protecting was directly related to her father's
research.  And her father always made her think of Kaji, of everything
she loved and hated about the man, of the harsh words that Ritsuko had
uttered.  "I don't want him back," she snarled, shaking her head,
trying to ignore the tears falling and splattering against the teal-
gray floor.  "If my father had been alive to meet him, they would have
loved each other like brothers.  That's reason enough not to want him.
Ritsuko doesn't know what she's signing on to."

The pressure on her lip increased, her thoughts whirling as she stepped
around a corner almost blindly, heels clicking against the metal
surface of the floor beneath her feet.  She knew that she was right,
that her father was a horrible man, but something in her didn't want to
believe it, kept her flashing back to the horrible night of the Second
Impact, the way that her father had shoved her away from the explosion
with no thought for himself.  "He just hurt Mom more that way, though.
He just let her fare for herself without any concern for what it would
be like."  She sniffed slightly, the tears beginning to come with more
force.  "He always was a horrible person like that."

She forced herself to take a deep breath, forcing the heavy air down
into her lungs, her hands trembling slightly as she resolved to make
her way back to her office, knowing that she was lost in the maze of
Central Dogma with little hope of extraction.  Thinking about her
father always made her equal parts angry and confused, struggling to
understand the last act that he had taken even, what the look on his
face had meant as she shot out of his life and light consumed him.  It
was better not to think about, and she knew that - a problem without an
answer, something she couldn't begin to work through.

"You look distraught."  Kaji's voice cut through Misato's other
thoughts, and she found herself spinning to see the man standing behind
her, hands jammed in his pockets as usual, a weak smile on his face.
"Poor time for it, too.  There's so much left to be done in the day,
and so little time with which to do it.  Want to talk about it at all?"

"Not with you," snapped Misato, squeezing the tears out of her eyes as
best she could, glancing back and forth around the hallway, trying to
figure out which way would lead to her office and utterly unable to
guess.  "What in the world are you doing here, anyways?  Your office is
three floors down..."  She frowned, trying to get some sense of her
location.  "Or up.  One or the other.  It's not here."

"When am I ever in my office?" asked Kaji with a smirk, taking a step
towards Misato and extending a hand towards her.  She hesitated for a
moment, then slapped him away, an act that only seem to surprise him
for a moment.  "Come on.  Talk to me."  He paused.  "Are you lost
again?"

"I've got nothing to say to you," Misato snarled back, inwardly wishing
that Kaji wasn't himself, wanting very badly to break down and ask for
directions.  She was lost, and she knew that, but she didn't want to
have to deal with admitting that, not as she was trying her damndest to
remind herself that she didn't need Kaji's help.  "I'll find my way
back sooner or later.  Anyways, get back to wherever the hell you
crawled out of."

"Don't think that Dr. Fuyutsuki would let me back into the security
room, frankly," replied Kaji, his words almost falling on deaf ears as
Misato tried to think of where she was.  Then the implications hit her,
and slowly she moved her eyes back towards the man, letting herself
take in his expression and stance, trying to figure out if he was being
sarcastic or not.  "He was rather irritated that I was there in the
first place.  Don't think he's figured out how I managed it, but that's
okay - I'll probably let him know sooner or later, just so he doesn't
lose sleep over it."

"The security room," Misato repeated, drawing a nod from Kaji as she
flicked her eyes around the hallway.  They were alone, without any
onlookers - as far as she knew, there weren't even any cameras in the
corridor.  "You... you aren't supposed to be in there."  She paused,
biting her lower lip once again, unsure of whether or not to ask the
question on her mind.  "Did you see... in the testing room?"

"Yep.  Nice follow-through on that slap.  That would sting."  He
paused, then managed a smirk, cocking his head slightly to one side.
"Were you looking for comments on your form?"  He paused, then took a
step towards the woman, something hiding behind his deep blue eyes that
Misato couldn't quite place.  "What were you two arguing about,
anyways?  There's no sound feed into the rooms, so -"

"I need you to tell me something, Ryoji," Misato said, making her tone
as grave as she could, letting the man know that she was entirely
serious as she forced herself not to cry.  As much as she wanted to
hate him, it was difficult when he was standing before her, his eyes
taking her in and his body uncomfortably close.  "Ritsuko said... she
said that you never cared about me.  And you told me that there was
something you wanted to tell me, the day that I left."  She paused,
taking a deep breath, feeling the air rushing into her lungs.  "Was
that what you were going to tell me?  That you weren't in love with me,
you didn't care about me?"

Something flickered across Kaji's face, a sort of awkward guilt that
Misato had never seen, a stark deviation from his usual air of
confidence.  It only lasted for a second, however, replaced quickly by
a morose frown, eyes downcast slightly as he took a step backwards.
"Yes," he replied, his hands finally leaving his pockets, straightening
his body up to its full height.  "I didn't want to tell you now,
because I knew that you'd only be angry, and I knew you didn't need me
to dredge old things up again.  But if you hadn't left, I was going to."

Misato felt herself beginning to brim with tears, the thought hurting
even though she'd made the decision to leave Kaji years before, a quiet
voice inside her head reminding her that she didn't want him back.
"Why did you stay, then?" she asked quietly, her hands tugging her
skirt down, body feeling unnaturally exposed.

"Pity," Kaji replied, hands hovering awkwardly by the sides of his
body, as if they were unsure of what to do without the comforting womb
of his pockets.  "I felt sorry for you, for the life that you'd had to
lead after the Second Impact.  It wasn't as though I didn't like you,
but I thought that you were in love with me, and I simply didn't feel
the same."  He shrugged.  "To be honest, it was almost a relief when
you left - I hadn't wanted to break your heart or anything.  You're a
great woman, Misato.  I just don't feel that way about you, and I
couln't bring myself to say that."

Kaji's arm raised and grabbed the woman's wrist a few inches short of
his cheek, the same sort of resigned sadness written across his face.
Misato didn't care, her emotions thrown into a tumult, tears beginning
to force themselves forward despite her best efforts.  "So that's what
you think," she snarled, tugging her arm back, forcing herself not to
cry.  "You're wrong, you know.  I was never in love with you.  I stayed
with you because you were convenient, that's all."

"I know," replied Kaji, nodding slowly, his expression slowly growing
more relieved even as it looked forced, stepping closer to Misato.  "A
shame, isn't it?  We spent so much of our time together, time that we
could have spent with someone who really cared about us."  He paused,
then smiled at the woman, her mind too distracted to notice the fact
that it was clearly a forced smile.  "I'm sorry.  I should have told
you when we were together so that you could have moved on."

"Yeah," replied Misato, her eyes fluttering closed, chest clenching
tightly as she remembered the night he had kissed her in Central
Dogma.  She couldn't forget the perfect electric feeling of that
instant, the way that it had managed to mesh perfectly with everything
she had wanted.  The thought that it was all for her benefit made her
feel cheap.  "I've got to go back to my office.  I have work to do."

Kaji simply stood and watched the woman go, his expression unchanging
as she walked unsteadily out of the hallway, turning at the first
intersection without any clear sense of her destination.  Had she been
able to see back into the hallway, she would have seen Kaji frown
deeply, his body slumping forward slightly as he took a deep breath,
one fist clenching.  "Damn," he muttered, the clenched fist hitting the
teal-gray wall gently, his eyes shut tight as the fluorescent light
hummed weakly above him.

"This is why you didn't go further, isn't it?" the man asked nobody,
drawing himself back to his full height, forcing his expression back to
the casual smirk that he usually wore, his hands slipping back into his
pockets.  "We're too deeply intwined in this place, aren't we?  Digging
down for the scars is bound to hurt us, too."

Shrugging, Ryoji Kaji turned and began walking, looking for all the
world as if nothing had happened to him.

                                  ]++[

Ritsuko heard the door slide open behind her, but she let herself
ignore it for a moment, fully aware of who would be entering her
office.  Her fingers rested lightly on the white plastic on her
computer's keyboard, legs crossed as she shoved her cigarette into the
overfilled ashtray beside her, letting her eyes linger for a moment on
the small black and white kitten statuettes littering her desk.  "I'm
busy right now," she announced, hearing the steady noise of footsteps
on the floor, her hands twitching slightly in anticipation.  "What do
you need?"

Not a word was spoken as Kaji wrapped his arms around the woman's
shoulders, pulling her back towards him as he leaned over and turned
his smile towards her.  "Nothing much," he replied, managing a shrug as
his arms moved down Ritsuko's body and encircled her stomach.  "A few
half-decent drinks, a cigarette, maybe a little lovemaking later
today.  Not necessarily in that order."  He smiled more broadly, then
pecked the woman gently on the cheek.  "How are you doing?"

"Decently," replied Ritsuko, letting her head fall back against Kaji's
shoulder, her blonde hair drifting across the light blue of his shirt,
eyes focusing up towards the ceiling as her body soaked in the
magnificent warmth of the man's body.  "I'm still trying to fill in the
blanks for Nieve and Neil after the synch test Misato pulled them
from."  She sighed, letting her tension ease and melt slightly.
"Sometimes that woman is infuriating.  If not usually."

Kaji gave the woman's body one last squeeze, then released her,
stepping around her chair and leaning on her desk, something hiding
behind his eyes.  "I ran into her, actually.  A little before I came
down here."  He paused momentarily, flicking his eyes towards the door
inexplicably.  "She said that the two of you had a fight at the synch
testing.  Do you want to tell me -"

"Honestly?  No."  Ritsuko shook her head rather emphatically, her eyes
shifting back to her computer as a convenient resting place for her
gaze.  "She was being an idiot, and I lost my temper when I shouldn't
have.  I'm embarassed with myself already."  She sighed, folding her
arms across her chest.  "Frankly, I'm starting to wonder if she's fit
to hold such a high position, all things considered."

"You're being awfully harsh," Kaji said, shaking his head gently, his
lower lip sinking slightly into his mouth for reasons that Ritsuko
couldn't place.  "The two of you used to be the closest friends I'd
ever met.  It's hard to believe that so much has changed since college."

"We've changed everything since then, Ryoji.  Jobs, lives, goals,
personalities... the Misato that I used to be friends with doesn't seem
to exist any more."  She sighed, letting her head tilt forward
slightly.  "We were arguing about nearly everything, if you must know.
The way we deal with the Children, our parents, our goals..."  She
paused, biting her lip for a second before taking another breath.
"You."

Her eyes still cast towards the computer screen, Ritsuko missed seeing
the look of tension that briefly washed across Kaji's face, her
thoughts elsewhere as her eyes turned back towards his.  "She's still
in love with you, you know," she said, doing her best to sound and
remain calm, legs uncrossing and recrossing in one smooth motion, the
fabric of her skirt tangible through the thin cloth of her panthose.
"I can tell it just from the way that she talks about you."

"That's not true," replied Kaji, moving closer to Ritsuko and looking
into her eyes.  "She said that you told her the truth about my
feelings, and she said she didn't love me any more, either."  He
paused, then shrugged.  "We had a little talk about it, actually.  It
was a good thing.  Got a lot of our old baggage into the open air."

"Of course she's not going to admit that she'd in love with you,"
snorted Ritsuko, shaking her head as she leaned closer to Kaji as
well.  "But you can -see- it, Ryoji.  Just look into her eyes.  She's
furious at me about nearly everything else, but she's angrier than
anything else about the fact that you're with me and not with her."
Sighing, Ritsuko stared up at the man, her legs uncrossing almost
unintentionally.  "Trust me.  I notice these things."

"I suppose you do," replied Kaji with a shrug, kneeling and letting
himself lean forward, elbows planted firmly between her legs as he
smiled up at her.  "What about you, though?  Are you in love with me?"

Ritsuko managed to force a smile, then leaned forward and let her
fingers run against Kaji's hair, moving through the dark strands even
as her own blonde hair fell around her face.  "I though we agreed never
to talk about that," she teased, moving herself slightly closer to the
kneeling man, one of his arms falling down to his side as she moved
closer.  "Really, it's not something that we need to be worried about,
not right now of all times.  I'm satisfied proving my mother wrong."

Kaji's eyes widened for a moment, and Ritsuko's smile gradually
softened from forced into genuine happiness.  "What do you mean by
that?" he asked, leaning slightly closer to her.  "Did your mother say
that you would never land a man?  More importantly, did she say you'd
never get one as good as me?"

"No, she always pointed to my mole," replied Ritsuko, one hand lifting
away from Kaji's hair, her finger gently touching against the small
brown mole slightly below her left eye.  It was a small mark, easily
overlooked if not specifically pointed out.  "She said that a woman
with a mole in the path of her tears was doomed to unhappy love
affairs."  She paused.  "But she was wrong.  The one who had the
unhappy love affair was her, after all."

Propping himself up slightly, Kaji drew closer to Ritsuko, and she
could smell the inexplicably unique scent that rose from his body, feel
the warmth of his closeness seeping through the thin fabric between
them.  "And what affair was that?" he asked calmly, letting himself
draw closer to her, one arm wrapping around her body as the other
remained limply by his side.  "Your father?"

"Perhaps, but it wasn't what I meant."  She paused for a moment, her
expression growing more morose.  "It was Commander Ikari.  She was
obsessed with him from the day that she met him, even though she met
him long before Yui's death."  Sighing, Ritsuko shook her head, letting
herself draw closer to Kaji once again.  "But that's not important.
This isn't the time to talk about things like that."

"Right," replied Kaji, leaning closer to Ritsuko, her body giving a
slight electric thrill as his moved against it.  "There's nobody else
around right now.  We've got the office all to ourselves."  He smiled,
and Ritsuko let herself sink forward into his lips, letting her tongue
rub against his, warmth and softness melding together.  It was a
perfect sensation, and she felt her hands tightening as they wrapped
around his back, the thoughts in her head scattered as the kiss ended
and he stared at her with a bittersweet smile.  "I'm sorry, Ritsuko."

The remark surprised Ritsuko for a moment before she felt a pricking
sensation in her thigh, a slight pressure that she recognized from her
own medical training.  Eyes going wide, she glanced down to see a small
syringe jabbed into her thigh, Kaji's thumb slowly pressing down and
letting the contents seep into her bloodstream.  Gasping, Ritsuko
shoved the man back as best she could just as the syringe emptied, her
hands flying to the small plastic device.  "What are you -doing-?" she
exclaimed, feeling a dull ache begin to creep through her body as she
tried to stagger to her feet.

Kaji moved faster than she could ever remember seeing him move before,
his hands pinning her shoulders against the chair, an expression she
couldn't quite recognize in his eyes.  "Calm down.  It's just a
tranquilizer."  He took a deep breath, obviously intending for her to
do the same.  "You'll be completely fine, I promise.  I picked it up
during my most recent visit to the hospital area.  It's safe for
humans, I checked."

Struggling against the man's grip, Ritsuko could feel her strength
slipping away, her mind too preoccupied with the immediacy of the
situation to notice how gentle Kaji was being, hands holding on just
tight enough to restrain her without hurting her.  "What are you trying
to do?" she asked again, letting the syringe fall to the floor weakly.
"Are you going to -"

"No," replied Kaji, shaking his head and staring sorrowfully at
Ritsuko.  "I need your access card, and I knew you wouldn't give it to
me.  Managed to copy some of the encoding off of it, but not enough,
though it was enough to get me into parts of the base I'm fairly
certain I shouldn't get to see.  There's all sorts of intersting things
going on here... but you knew that already."

"You..."  Ritsuko knew that it was the drug affecting her, but she
couldn't help but feel tired, her muscles going limp, sleep beginning
to cloud her eyes over as she tried to force herself to remain awake.
It was a battle between her body's physiology and her own willpower, a
battle she had no doubt that she would lose.  "You... why did... I
don't..."

"I didn't want to do things like this," Kaji said, his voice implying
that he had the vaguest idea of what she was going to say, hands
slipping into the pockets of her lab coat and drawing out her small
NERV access card.  He only stared at the red piece of plastic for a
moment before tucking it into his breast pocket, releasing Ritsuko's
shoulders and moving away from her.  "But my welcome seems to be
wearing out with NERV, and that means I have to find out what I can
while I still have the chance."  He paused, giving a weak smirk.
"Assuming I actually make it back, I assume you're going to want to
break up.  I understand that."

Ritsuko was feeling too tired to speak, her mouth only managing to
drift halfway open as Kaji stared at her.  "I really am sorry,
Ritsuko," he said again, beginning to step away from the woman sitting
weakly in the chair.  "I didn't want things to end this way... really,
I would have been happier if I could have avoided doing anything like
this to you.  You were my friend, not somebody that I wanted to hurt."
He paused, touching his hand to his breast pocket where Ritsuko dimly
knew her card lay.  "There isn't any other way.  There never was.  And
I'm sorry for hurting you."  He sighed, shaking his head.  "I wish that
I had the time for a better apology."

The dull throb of interrupted sex had mingled with the unspeakable
exhaustion seeping through Ritsuko's body, and as she slumped further
in the chair she found herself unable to even lift her hand as Kaji
walked away calmly.  Fluorescent humming was all that filled her world,
her eyes slowly drifting shut, darkness seeping in around her vision as
she heard the noise of the office doors hissing open.  "Don't hate
Misato," he offered, the words only vaguely registering with her sleep-
dulled ears.  "Hate me.  I'm the one that deseves it."

Before Ritsuko could say anything, or at least make some drug-addled
effort to make noise, the doors had hissed shut, leaving her alone in
the seemingly darkening room.  Her mind distantly registered the
thought that she should press the alarm, send someone in pursuit of
Kaji, prevent him from his goal, but the effort of simply lifting her
arm proved far more than she could manage.  Her body slumped against
the chair, cradled in the arms of a drug-filled sleep.

                                  ]++[

Japanese had always sounded vaguely mysterious to Neil, a sort of
language that didn't seem to obey any laws he could understand, unlike
the snippets of other languages that he'd managed to pick up from
school.  It had intimidated him just slightly that he would be
completely immersed in the language from the day that he was first
invited to Tokyo-3 - he doubted that he would start to pick up on it,
and the thought of not knowing what anyone was saying was
understandably a somewhat stressful idea.  However, the wafting noise
of Japanese voices coming from the living room arrested his attention
for entirely different reasons, more from the fact that he knew the
only other person in the house was Nieve, who spoke no more Japanese
than he did.

Stepping into the living room, Neil's eyes flicked towards the
television, taking a moment to absorb the three people shouting at one
another, presumably some kind of argument about the woman on the screen
from what Neil could see.  "I thought you said you hated Japanese
television," Neil said flatly, stepping around and sitting on the couch
before looking towards Nieve.

"Yeah, that was -before- I finished my book," replied Nieve with a
shrug, shifting slightly as one of the two men on screen slapped the
other one.  She was wearing a low-cut red blouse that Neil could
remember seeing before, a knee-length plaid skirt riding up to her
thighs simply from her slouched position.  One elbow rested on the arm
of the couch, propping her up as she leaned towards it, the other arm
balancing the remote gently on her knee.  "Nothing else to read, at
least not right now.  All of the libraries in this country have nothing
but Japanese books."

"For no apparent reason whatsoever," offered Neil, drawing a
momentarily nasty stare from Nieve and flashing a weak smile in
response.  She turned back towards the television, Neil's gaze
following hers as the participants on the screen continued shouting.
"You could always watch a movie, though.  Everything I have at least
has English subtitles, so you'd know what was going on."

"I'm starting to get the hang of this show, actually," replied Nieve,
smirking as she gestured towards the screen with the remote.  "See, the
woman is Rumiko - or something like that - and, um, the guy in the
business suit is Hiro-something.  I don't remember what the other guy's
name is, but I think he might be her husband or something, because I
know that he was fooling around with some other long-haired person
before."  She paused, frowning.  "I'm pretty sure the long-haired one
was a girl, but I'm not certain.  I know their name was something that
started with a vowel."

Neil nodded reluctantly, his eyes flicking back and forth between the
screen and Nieve.  "Did you get to see anything?" he asked, turning
fully towards Nieve, realizing almost immediately from her expression
that he should have been clearer in his statement.  "I mean, if you got
to see her breasts, or something, you'd know that she was a woman,
or... or if..."  A red flush spread across his cheek.  "Please don't
look at me like that."

"When you're acting like this, it's kind of hard not to," replied
Nieve, the mischevious smirk on her lips growing as she edged her way
closer and closer to Neil.  "That's all that's on your mind, isn't it?
Breasts, breasts, and more breasts."  She paused, edging slightly
closer, red hair falling alluringly down her shoulders, the television
program long forgotten.  "It's not as though you'd have trouble getting
your hands on them, you know.  You could always try -asking-."

"That wasn't - I didn't - you don't..."  Neil shook his head, aware
that he was stammering even as he felt himself sinking further into a
pit of incoherence, the red flush on his cheeks growing brighter.  "I
was just asking if you'd been able to tell if the damn person was a man
or a woman.  I didn't mean for you to -"

"I -know-, Neil," replied Nieve, reaching over and letting the back of
her hand brush lightly against Neil's cheek, his eyes turning towards
her reluctantly.  The traces of mischief had disappeared from her
expression, replaced with a smile of simple warmth, her body shifting
and turning to face the boy.  "You're so cute sometimes, you know?  It
doesn't take much for you to get all bent out of shape about these
things, and..."  She paused for a moment, biting her lower lip, then
moving quickly closer to Neil, letting her body press against his.
"It's just so nice to have you back.  I mean... -you-."

"Yeah," replied Neil, raising his arm and letting his fingers run
through the girl's hair, the flaming red strands slipping through his
fingers in a delicate cascade, her smile growing wider and wider.  "I
missed you a lot while I was stuck inside of the Eva, and..."  He
paused, then shook his head, taking a deep breath.  "I don't know.  It
feels like it hasn't been that long."

"Mm."  Nieve paused for a moment, flicking her eyes briefly towards the
television screen before moving closer to Neil, her hands closing
around his shoulders.  "Hey, I just had an idea.  Why don't we catch up
on something more important than the television, and we'll see if we
can't make you blush about something other than -thinking- about
breasts."

Neil felt almost immediately guilty, knowing that he didn't do anything
wrong but feeling as though he'd made Nieve self-conscious, his
expression dropping for just a moment.  Before he had time to dwell on
the regret, however, Nieve had pressed her lips against his, her intent
obvious as she pulled him towards her.  "Shh," she muttered, letting
her tongue dart between his lips, the gently wetness rushing past his
admittedly limited defenses.

The kiss felt perfect, and Neil felt his arms raising to embrace the
girl, her body moving backwards and pulling the two of them towards the
couch, the soft padding cradling their bodies as Nieve broke the kiss
and smiled up at the boy.  One of her hands reached towards the arm of
the couch where the discarded remote lay, fumbling for a moment before
hitting the off button, letting the voices click silent.  "This is much
more interesting than anything on television," she muttered, pulling
the boy closer, letting the warmth of their bodies mingle.

Any reply Neil might have made was stifled by the sensation of Nieve's
tongue pushing gently into his mouth once again, eliminating his
admittedly minor protests without any further effort.  The girl arched
her back gently, and Neil felt an electric ripple through his body at
the contact, his arms tightening around her as he pressed his hips
against her, letting their bodies draw closer even as the kiss
lingered.  Her scent drifted through Neil's nose as his eyes closed,
letting himself surrender to the moment and simply let the process
proceed naturally.

Her back arched once again, drawing their bodies still closer as Neil
ran his hands along her back, lips gently drawing away from Nieve's as
he dropped his head slightly.  He kissed her neck gently, feeling the
muscles within it tense as air rushed into her lungs, the excitement in
her body more than tangible.  As her fingers wrapped around his head
and through the blonde strands of his hair, however, something sprang
to his mind, so glaringly that he couldn't help but move away from
Nieve's neck and say it.  "Eiko -"

Before he even realized what was happening, Neil felt Nieve pushing him
away, and the realization of what he'd done slammed against the back of
his head like a sledgehammer.  "Please tell me you didn't just say what
I -know- you said," breathed Nieve, forcing herself to take a deep
breath, her hands planted firmly on Neil's chest.  "Please, for the
love of God, have a good explanation for this."

"No, no, no, Nieve, it's not what you think," gasped Neil, trying to
continue speaking despite the guilt gnawing into the back of his mind,
knowing that he barely deserved for Nieve not to throw him off of her
simply by virtue of his mistake.  "I was saying that Eiko had mentioned
she might be moving away.  It just sprang into my mind, I don't know
why.  I'm sorry."  He paused, taking a deep breath.  "I'm sorry, Nieve,
I didn't mean for you to think that, not when we were just about to...
you know."

"I know.  I know, Neil, I believe you."  The girl's voice left that
more than a little doubtful, drawing her legs closer to her body even
as her skirt rode just far enough up to reveal her underwear, any trace
of arousal clearly gone from her mind.  "It was just... just really
sudden, a little too sudden."  She paused, taking a deep breath, puling
her knees up against her chest.  "You had to say that right then?  You
couldn't have waited until afterwards?"

"You're right, I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me," replied
Neil, his words coming in a jumble, guilt surging through his body with
new motivation.  He'd been feeling genuinely good about himself for
more than a few days, but he inwardly noted that he should have seen
something similar coming, knowing full well that he had a tendency to
say the wrong thing at the words possible moment.  "It just... it just
sprang into my mind."

Sighing, Neil squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to crawl into a hole, the
realization of what he'd done slowly seeping into his body like water
into a sponge.  He could remember the night he and Nieve had first
kissed clearly, and he remembered the horrible mistakes he had made
then as well, as though the whole thing was coming back to haunt him.
The problem was that he knew it would take more to fix the problem this
time, that it was something more serious.  Nieve had been more
concerned about their relationship since his return, he knew that, and
he couldn't help but wonder if his stupid mistake had put that
relationship in danger.

"Neil.  Neil, look at me."  Nieve's voice was calm enough that Neil
felt comfortable letting his lids crack open, staring towards the red-
haired girl with his eyes wide, a nervousness bleeding through his body
about what she would say.  There was worry written within her emerald
eyes, a tangible sensation that Neil could feel across his skin as she
stared at him.  "Neil... are you attracted to Eiko?"

The boy said nothing for a moment, simply stared at Nieve awkwardly,
shifting uncomfortably in his seat.  He knew that there was a right and
a wrong answer to the question, but he also knew that the answer he was
supposed to give wasn't entirely true.  Sighing, he hung his head
slightly, feeling guilty without saying anything further, his mind
fighting itself over whether to tell the truth or say what he knew
Nieve wanted to hear.  "A little," he replied at length, hands
clenching shut.  "I guess I am, a little bit."

There was no immediate response, and Neil only hung his head for a
moment longer before turning his head towards Nieve, hoping that the
girl would be taking his response at least vaguely well.  To his horror
if not surprise, she was simply staring at him, lower lip trembling
slightly, sadness sitting within her emerald eyes as she looked at
him.  "Nieve, that doesn't mean that I'm not attracted to you," he
said, moving closer to her, knowing the whole situation was his fault.
"I mean, anyone our age would be attracted to her.  It's not as though
I -"

"Enough."  Her voice sounded pained, and Neil fell silent, simply
watching as the girl hung her head, strands of red hair obscuring her
face, Neil wondering what was going on.  She sighed heavily, a single
tear falling from her eyes and gently splattering against her bare
leg.  "Neil... do you know what it feels like when you've got an eating
disorder?  Do you know what it's like to feel as though you're not in
control of anything going on around you, that somebody else is
scripting your actions?"

Neil's mouth half-opened to say something, but before he could utter a
word Nieve had sprang from the couch, her hair swishing behind her as
she stormed out of the living room, not looking so much angry as
mournful.  Hesitating for a moment, Neil realized that he needed to
follow the girl and sprang off the couch as well, but by the time he
had exited the living room she had already put her shoes on.  Nieve
shot one last glance at the boy, a piercingly sorrowful expression that
froze him in his tracks as she opened the door and stepped out.

"Please don't leave," Neil whispered as the door shut, his words lost
to the noise, his body slumping weakly against the wall behind him as
he forced himself to take slow and steady breaths.  He knew that he had
done something horribly wrong, but he hadn't the first idea of how to
fix it.  Closing his eyes, he let himself begin to slide down the wall,
tears beginning to tickle at the back of his eyes, his guilt eating
away at his chest.

                                  ]++[

Moonlight was filtering through the windows of the hallway as Misato
trudged through them slowly, her lids heavy, body aching with a pain
not quite physical but not little enough for simple emotion.  She could
hear Kaji's words ringing in her ears as she moved, the horrible
statements spewing from his mouth without thought.  "Pity -me-," she
muttered, one hand drifting into her pockets, drawing out the small
keyring lying within.  "I don't need anybody's pity.  Least of all his."

Her fingers found her apartment key, her other hand rubbing her eyes
gently, exhaustion and irritation melding into an unpleasent emotion.
She knew that what she really needed was a drink, a good few beers to
bleed the day away, the same way that she always did.  It would kick
out all the unpleasant thoughts that Kaji had filled her head with,
would let her just be alone with herself for a while, something she
sorely needed.

"It's not like a couldn't find someone else if I wanted to," she
muttered to herself, letting the silver key glint in the moonlight for
a second before it splipped into the lock.  "I just haven't wanted to.
I'd have another man in my life, but I'm happy as it is."  She sighed,
turning the key and listening for the click, trying to force herself to
relax.  "Shut up, Misato.  Just go inside and have a few drinks, fall
asleep, have some aspirin ready for a hangover.  That's what you need
tonight."

The door swung open, and Misato could hear the noise of the television
echoing from the living room as she kicked her shoes off weakly.
Blinking once, she heard the noise of quick footsteps towards the door,
her brown eyes flicking towards the hallway to see Neil come out of the
Living room swiftly, then stop in his tracks with a rather disappointed
expression.  "Oh," he muttered.  "I thought you were Nieve."

"She's not here?" asked Misato, trying to ignore the disappointment in
the boy's voice as she trudged towards the kitchen, her entire body
seeming to ache.  She didn't particularly want to deal with Neil, not
in the state she was in - more than anything, she wanted to be alone to
get drunk.

"No," replied Neil, his voice somewhat weak as Misato half-ignored him,
her goal already certain as she moved towards the kitchen.  "We had a
fight, and she left... I'm not quite sure how long ago.  I was hoping
that she would be back by now."  Misato opened the fridge, reaching in
and retrieving a small golden can from within, the cool caress of the
metal a precursor to the solace that she knew lay within.  "You know,
Misato, it really might not be a good idea to get drunk tonight."

"You know something, Neil?" asked Misato, slamming the door to the
fridge with her foot as she cracked open the can, the bitter smell of
the liquid within hitting her nose immediately.  "I don't care if it's
a good idea or not.  It's what I'm doing."  She paused, then took a
sip, the liquid fizzing harshly against her tongue as it slid down her
throat, cool and soothing, promising release from a day that had worn
on too long.  "It's none of your damn business anyways.  We adults make
decisions about our lives without consulting you, and there's nothing
you can do about it."  Another momentary pause, her brain reaching back
for a second to try and remember what the boy had been talking about.
"What were you two fighting about, anyways?"

For a moment, Neil didn't respond, leaning against the wall and
shifting uncomfortably on his feet, casting his eyes down towards the
floor.  "She... she asked if I was attracted to Eiko.  I told her the
truth, that I was, and then... she just left.  She didn't explain
anything more to me, just left."

Misato closed her eyes momentarily, feeling something build in the back
of her head as the alcohol slowly seeped through her cells, dulling the
pain that was still throbbing in her chest.  "If you're not attracted
to Nieve, don't stay with her," she hissed, forcing herself to breath
slowly, taking another sip of her beer.  "It's not fair to the girl,
you know that.  Be honest with her."

"I didn't say that I wasn't attracted to her," replied Neil, shaking
his head and glancing towards Misato momentarily before looking back
towards the floor.  "I am attracted to her.  I'm just attracted to Eiko
too.  It isn't necessarily a zero-sum equation, you know."  He sighed.
"She's been so much more sensitive about our relationship since I came
back from the Eva.  It's getting kind of worrisome, as though she'd
have a heart attack if I wasn't with her for a moment."

"Why don't you let -her- judge that?" snapped Misato, another burst mof
alcohol surging down her throat before she slammed the can on the
counter and glaring at the boy, feeling the fizzing liquid splash up
from the can as a few droplets landed on her hand.  Neil looked shocked
at her anger, but she was only mildly concerned by the fact, releasing
the beer and taking a step towards the boy.  "God, I hate men like
you.  You think women can't live on their own without your help?  You
don't think that we can be perfectly happy without interference?"

"N-no!" replied Neil, his voice shaky but forceful as he shook his
head, green eyes wide and catching the light from the room as his
blonde hair swished around his head.  "Misato, I didn't say any of
that!  I was just telling you what had happened between Nieve and I!"
He paused, then took a hesitant step towards the woman, obviously
unsure of what was going on.  "Are... are you all right?  Did something
happen?"

"Like I said before, none of your damn business," replied Misato,
shaking her head as her brown eyes fixed on Neil.  She'd not wanted to
deal with the boy, had simply wanted to have her beer, and he'd made
even that difficult.  "I'm an adult, and I'm more than capable of
dealing with my own problems."

She paused, letting herself take in Neil's appearance for a moment, the
blonde locks of his hair falling down loosely around his forehead, the
way that his eyes caught the light from overhead, the way that he held
his body even as he took another reluctant step towards the woman.  He
was handsome - she'd known that on an academic level before, but it had
never truly resonated with her.  Now she couldn't seem to take her eyes
off of him.  "Neil... do you find -me- attractive?"

"Oh, God," muttered Neil, taking a hesitant step backwards, the
expression on his face changing as Misato continued to scan over his
body.  She could see the way that the fabric of his shirt was shifting
across his skin underneath, the way that his muscles tensed and relaxed
with each movement.  "Misato, please, I don't want to answer that
question any more.  Especially considering how horribly wrong each
answer that I've given has been."

"Just be honest, then," replied Misato, taking another step towards the
boy, stepping around the corner as her hand swept across the counter.
She had forgotten the beer, but gave the can little mind as it went
flying from the force of her hand motion, the fizzing golden liquid
splashing out across the floor as the aluminum can weakly pinged
against the floor.  "Remember the night that I came in to your room,
Neil?  You wanted to see the rest of my body then, didn't you?"  She
smiled.  "You are attracted to me, right?"

"Misato, -please-," replied Neil, his insistent backing away beginning
to irritate the woman, his expression looking somewhat awkward.  "I
really can't deal with this right this instant, okay?"  He sighed
again, shaking his head, taking another stumbling step back towards the
living room.  "Look, drink all you want, it's okay.  You're right, it's
none of my business.  I'll just be in my room, and you let me know when
you're done, okay?"

"Get -back- here!" snapped Misato, something she couldn't quite place
rising in the back of her throat, her arms reaching out as she barreled
towards Neil.  He wasn't expecting the quick flurry of the woman's
motion, and with a slam his back hit the wall, Misato pressing her
weight against him as her arms pinned his, her expression a harsh
grimace.  "Don't you dare just -leave- me, Neil.  Tell me!  Do you find
me attractive or not?"

Neil's muscles tensed, but they weren't nearly strong enough to push
Misato off of him, a small grunt coming from behind closed lips as
Misato heard the gentle noise of the beer continuing to flood out of
the forgotten can.  "I... you're beautfiul, Misato, you know that,"
grunted Neil, his eyes closed tightly, head turned away from Misato,
face twisted into a grimace.  "Please, let go... you're hurting me."

For a moment longer, Misato stared at the boy, her eyes narrowed and
her hands pressed hard against his arms, the warmth of her body
mingling with his as the merciful dulling sensation of alcohol
continued to permeate her mind.  She wanted somebody to hold her, she
knew that, and she knew that above everything else Neil was a
funadmentally decent human being, that to be held by him wouldn't be a
bad thing.  Then her eyes widened, and she realized what she was doing,
realized the harsh pressure she was placing on the boy's body, the
gentle squirming of his body as he tried to escape.  Her mouth half-
opened in shock, the only sound in the apartment the fizzing noise of
spilled alcohol.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, releasing Neil almost as an afterthought as
she staggered backwards, her mind reeling.  Her feet were unsteady, the
releasing caress of alcohol unable to dull the growing realization in
her mind, motions slowly sending her towards the spilled beer.  "I... I
don't know what I was... I didn't mean to..."

Her foor hit the chilled alcohol pooling and dribbling down into the
small recessed area of shoes, and a shot of clarity burst through her
head like a ray of dawn, panic gripping her as the pain in her chest
returned with a vengeance.  "I'm sorry," she said again, stepping down
carefully, slipping her shoes on with motions only slightly dulled by
beer, her eyes remaining fixed on Neil.  "I'm sorry.  I'm going out.  I
don't know how long I'm going to be gone, maybe until tomorrow
morning.  Don't worry about me."

"Wait!  Misato, you've been drinking, you're in no state to -"  Misato
shut the door before Neil could continue, turning on her heel and
moving swiftly down the hallway, her eyes beginning to tear gently.
She wanted to reassure the boy at the same moment that she wanted to
hide from him, but more than anything she knew that she needed to
leave, that she couldn't bear to be within the oppressive yellow walls
of her apartment for a moment longer.  Swallowing hard, she moved
towards the staircase, emotions whirling about in her head like boats
caught in a storm.

                                  ]++[

Nieve's wrung her hands nervously as she walked cautiously down the
hallway, her eyes darting about the drab walls and half-expecting
something to burst out of them and try to grab her.  Ryo's apartment
building was unpleasant under the best of circumstances, something that
the situation was most certainly not.  She was worried, scared, and as
she walked down the hallway she couldn't help but feel the vaguest
tickle of guilt creeping into her head.

Lost in her own thoughs, she almost didn't notice the numbers on Ryo's
door indicating she had reached her destination, and it took her a
moment of standing in front of the door before she even raised her hand
to knock.  Taking a deep breath and swallowing hard, she let her
knuckles rap against the surface, each motion seeming to take an
eternity, here eyes taking in every detail as her hand rose and fell
against the door.

Then the world snapped back into the normal flow of events, the door
clicking from within as it swung open, Ryo revealed in the doorframe.
Nieve blushed almost instinctively at the sight of him - he was wearing
only loose white pajama bottoms, his naked chest seeming almost
reflectively pale in the fluorescent lighting of the hallway.  "Nieve,"
he said, his voice calm but holding a slight twitch of curiosity to
it.  "What are you doing here?  Are you all right?"

"No," replied Nieve, pushing her way into the apartment and brushing
past Ryo gently, her heart rushing at the slight contact with the boy,
mind still whirling about what Neil had said to her.  She didn't want
to think about it more than she had to, but having to think about it at
all seemed like far too much.  "I... I was just... Neil and I..."  She
sighed, rubbing her forehead.  "I'm sorry.  You were probably asleep."

"Don't worry about it," replied Ryo, his voice still sounding awkward,
almost sad, as his eyes flicked towards the hallway that led towards
the living room, the moonlight pouring in visible even from just inside
the apartment's door.  He stared at the girl for a moment before he let
the door swing shut, turning fully to face her, his bare feet making a
soft slapping noise as he stepped towards her.  "I... I've been going
to bed later, lately."  He paused, biting his lower lip for a moment.
"It's... my way of coping with losing Niobe."

"I know.  I know you miss her, and I know you don't need to deal with
my problems on top of everything else, I just didn't know where else to
go."  She sighed, letting herself step hesitantly towards the living
room, legs unsteady as her eyes darted around the apartment.  "Neil and
I had a fight tonight, when we were..."  A pause, and she shook her
head, leaning against the nearest wall and letting her green eyes
follow Ryo walking towards her.  "We were fooling around.  We do that.
Everyone probably knew, I just... assumed... never mind."

Ryo hesitated for just a moment, looking as though he was made
uncomfortable by the conversation, but he said nothing, simply
continuing towards the girl slowly.  "I never noticed," he said calmly,
his bare chest reflecting the moonlight spilling in from the living
room, thin blue hair swishing about his head.  "Then again... I suppose
I didn't notice a lot of things that would have been obvious to anyone."

"Suppose neither of us did," replied Nieve, shaking her head, pushing
off the wall and stepping lightly towards the living room, her eyes
squeezing shut even as tears managed to begin shoving themselves
forward behind her eyes.  "Anyways, we were fooling around, and Neil...
I asked him if he was attracted if he was attracted to Eiko.  Stupid
thing to ask, a question I didn't want to know the answer to, I
shouldn't have asked it in the first place, but I did anyways."  She
sighed.  "Why do I get the feeling that this whole damn thing is my own
fault?"

"It's okay," replied Ryo, shaking his head as he stepped swiftly behind
Nieve, the speed more or less unnecessarily considering the fact that
he was noticably taller than Nieve.  He could feel the tension rising
his chest, the awkward worry that he was breaking routine - a poor
description that he held onto despite the fact that he had let himself
begin to release from his routines, a description that he only used
because he knew no better frame of reference.  "You had every right to
ask the question, I'm sure."

"Oh, Christ, that doesn't mean that I -should- have," muttered Nieve,
beginning to let her own self-resentment begin to seep in from the back
of her skull, her eyes only opening long enough to let her find the
couch, flopping down on it limply as the moonlight streamed down around
her.  "Hell, I could be having sex now if I'd just kept a handle on the
situation.  I'm supposed to be able to keep a handle on myself, least
of all the situation that I'm in, especially when..."  She sighed.

"Don't worry about it," replied Ryo, stepping over and sitting down on
the couch, his red eyes focused closely on Nieve as she rubbed her eyes
weakly.  "What did he say?"

"Yes," replied Nieve, her voice beginning to break slightly, every
ounce of her willpower beginning to be devoted to the effort to resist
crying as best she could.  "Would I be here if he'd said no?"  She
sighed, trying to remain calm, trying to remind herself that she didn't
have to worry so much.  "Anyways, I just... I... Christ, I can't even
talk straight any more."  Another sigh.  "So I left.  So I needed to
come somewhere else, and... and I remembered when you had stopped by,
after Neil seemed to be leaving."  She paused, opening her eyes and
looking towards Ryo.  "Remember?  We all thought that he was going to
leave Tokyo-3, before the Fourteenth came and Neil... Neil..."

Nieve's tears began to push themselves forward more forcefully,
something that even Ryo could notice as the girl slapped her hand hard
against her eyes, her mouth drawing into a thin and harsh line as she
forced herself to breathe hard.  "I know when you're talking about,"
offered Ryo, the tension in his chest growing larger as he moved
tenatively towards Nieve.  "What... why do you bring it up again?  Do
you want to -"

"It's what -you- wanted then, that's what concerns me," replied Nieve,
another breath drawing into her lungs harshly as she turned her tear-
brimming green eyes towards Ryo.  She didn't want to say what she was
thinking, didn't want to voice the ulterior motives lying beneath her
actions as she inched closer to the boy.  "I know that you wanted me to
love you, then... and..."  She paused, then swallowed hard.  "Maybe we
could both find what we wanted.  Together."

Ryo's eyes widened slightly as the girl's hands moved towards him, her
fingers lightly splaying across his skin, moonligh embracing the two
Children as she allowed herself to completely take in the appearance of
the boy next to her.  A twitch of guilt licked along her spine, the boy
looking angelic as the moonlight shone off his pale skin, his red eyes
wide and innocent.  Taking another deep breath, Nieve forced herself
towards him, letting her lips part gently, trying to tell herself that
she was doing the right thing, that she had no alternatives left to her.

"What are you trying to -do-?" asked Ryo, his voice more forceful than
Nieve could remember him ever being, his hands firmly pressing against
Nieve's chest and pushing her back.  Her eyes flew open, taking in the
boy's gaze, his red eyes more curious than angry.  "You're not in love
with me.  I know that."

"No," replied Nieve, shaking her head as she let her hands wrap around
Ryo's wrists, pulling his arms away, letting her move closer to him
once again.  "But you want me to be.  And I want Neil to want my
affection, for him to be mine, completely..."  She hesitated, the
meaning of her words slowly sinking in for a moment before she pressed
forward.  "We're using each other for what we want.  That's the way
that the world works."

Once again, Ryo pushed away from Nieve, this time gently flexing his
arms and letting his body move away from the girl, her eyes opening
again as he began to frown.  "No," he said firmly, shaking his head as
he wrestled his arms free of Nieve's weakening grip.  "No.  I don't
want to be used by anyone.  If you did this to me... you'd be turning
me into a tool for your own ends."

"You're all I've got -left-!" replied Nieve, her voice cracking as one
arm thrashed against the couch, moonlight nearly blinding as she tried
again to move closer to the boy next to her.  Her body was sending
creeping sensations of dirt across her body, as though she was mired in
filth and was only working her way further in, her arms aching as she
continued to force herself not to cry.  "Don't you understand that?
I'm not using you out of hatred!  I'm doing the best that I -can-!"

"No," Ryo repeated, shaking his head as he stood, the moonlight
striking him squarely on the chest, blue hair swaying slightly and
seeming to filter the light through each individual strand.  "I don't
want to be used any more, Nieve.  I've been used my entire life, and
I'm tired of it."  He paused, hanging his head slightly, as though the
mere concept of speaking out against being used was novel to him.
"Please, don't force this.  I'm sorry that I tried to kiss you.  It was
wrong of me."

Biting her lower lip, Nieve stared up at the boy, feeling her body
begin to tremble, tears trying to force their way through her defenses
as they crumbled.  "I... I just want Neil to want me the way that he
wants her," she sighed, sinking her head, unable to look Ryo in the
eye, her own guilt beginning to rip into her from the back of her
head.  Her hands began to clench into fists, eyes shutting tightly even
as the moonlight bled in from the corners of her vision.  "I wanted
your help, Ryo, and I know it was wrong, but..."  She coughed, the only
thing she could think of to hold back a sob.  "You don't know what this
is like for me.  You don't have any idea what I'm going through."

"I don't," replied Ryo, drawing Nieve's gaze back towards him as her
hands relaxed slowly, green eyes taking in the half-naked boy washed
over with silvery illumination.  "But that doesn't..."  He paused,
voice faltering as his gaze lowered slightly, red eyes seeming to lose
their focus slightly.  "I don't know what to tell you, Nieve.  If you
want to use me, then I'll -"

"Please, stop," replied Nieve, rising unsteadily to her feet and
stepping around the boy swiftly, the feeling of filth still crawling
across her skin.  She had done nothing, and she knew it, but she
couldn't shake the feeling that she'd surrendered even more of her
control simply by going to Ryo's apartment.  "Don't... just don't tell
Neil that I came here, that I asked you to do... anything.  Promise me
that."

"Of course," replied Ryo, his eyes regaining their focus on the girl
stepping away, her legs moving unsteadily as she moved towards the door
of the apartment.  "I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Nieve.  I..."  He
paused.  "I'm still willing to talk if you want to.  I won't go to bed
for a while, so if you need someone to -"

"No, no, no," replied Nieve, opening her mouth to say something more
but then closing it again as her shoes slip on.  She let her hand find
the doorknob swiftly, twisting it harshly and letting the lock click
open, her feet moving her out of the door.  Ryo's red eyes followed her
even as she awkwardly staggered out, letting the door shut behind her
before she let herself fall backwards against the drab gray wall of the
building, her eyes going blurry as the tears finally refused to stay
restrained any longer.

She still didn't know if she had truly seen her mother inside the
depths of of her Eva or if she had simply hallucinated under the
stress, but either way she knew that it had been her mother's machine
in her control when the Eva had been destroyed.  "I used to have a
handle on things," she muttered, wringing her hands once again, tears
falling to the floor as she wished she knew how to get control back in
her hands, how she could stop being drawn and pushed along by the
outside world.

A noise came from one end of the hallway, and Nieve forced herself to
take a deep breath, to regain control of herself at least temporarily
as she turned towards the exit.  The creeping sensation of filth hadn't
left her as she began walking once again, wanting Neil to hold her,
wanting him not to leave, wishing that she had never tested his loyalty
even as she knew that she had done what she had to do.

                                  ]++[

Japanese pop music echoed from the car's speakers, the noise just loud
enough to register on the edges of Misato's brain as her hands gently
cradled her pistol.  The music itself was the same bland and
inoffensive mixture of synthesized chords that Misato could remember
from when she was in college - it may well have been a song that was
around when she was in college, considering how little the style had
changed.  It was on because she lacked the heart to turn off the radio,
because it had been on when she had started her brilliant blue car from
its resting place within the parking lot.

Her pistol was the sort of black that only weaponry could be, bland and
unattractive and obviously designed for nothing more elegant than the
taking of human life.  It was standard issue for NERV personnel, and
while she knew that she'd learned the model's name in small arms
training she couldn't remember it for the life of her.  For her
purposes, however, it mattered little, her smooth fingers running along
the surface of the weapon and sliding bullets smoothly into the
chamber, the gold and silver cylinders slipping in nearly effortlessly.

Sighing, her legs shifted, kicking an empty bottle of liquor off of the
passenger's seat, the glass clinking slightly against the carpeted
floor of the car.  Letting her eyes remain fixed on the gun for a
moment, she flicked her eyes down towards the bottle, feeling the
inexplicable sensation to shoot it, to let the glass shatter into
nothingness with one simple action.  "We're destroyers," she muttered,
her voice slurred slightly from alcohol coursing through her blood.
"We gain pleasure from controlling creation and destruction, but mostly
destruction.  Things that we can blow up."

Another sigh, and she slid the gun's clip back in, letting her hands
shift to hold the smooth and oddly comfortable grip, one finger falling
against the trigger while her thumb cocked the gun with a satisfying
click.  She'd never contemplated suicide before, had never had a reason
to, but holding a gun in her hands she couldn't help but think about it
if only momentarily, wonder what it felt like to pull the trigger
knowing full well the bullet would penetrate your own skin.  It gave
her a shudder, and shaking her head she pointed the barrel of the gun
towards the bottle, doing her best to aim at the emptied container
despite the haze of alcohol surrounding her vision.

"Bang," she muttered, words slurred as she weakly shook the gun,
imagining the glass shattering as she lowered the weapon.  She had no
idea what she was doing, and even the liquor permeating her world
couldn't dull that awareness.  She could remember what she had done to
Neil vividly, the look upon his face, a mixture of horror and disgust,
only barely tolerable at the time and torture after the fact.
"Shouldn't have done that.  Not his fault that I can't deal with God
damned Kaji and his damn lies, he's not..."

Rage bubbled within Misato's gut, and snarling she kicked the door to
her car open, stepping out into the cool night air, the area around the
bluff empty.  It was an excellent place to look out over the whole
city, but she had chosen it because it was also the perfect place to be
alone, something that she more than wanted as she howled in desperation
at nothing.  Whirling on her heels, she aimed her gun at the moon,
steadying the weapon only for a second before slamming down on the
trigger, feeling the kick of recoil from the weapon as a plume of
explosive smoke seeped out of it.

Not caring about the implications, Misato pulled the trigger again, the
weapon growing comfortable as it fired again into nothingness, each
pull sending out another burst of smoke and flash of light as a bullet
tore through the night air.  It continued for what seemed like an
eternity, until Misato forced the trigger back one final time and was
greeted only with an empty click.  "That's all of it," she muttered,
falling to her knees and sighing heavily, her eyes beginning to tear
despite her best alcohol-coated efforts.  "Dad and Kaji, all for you.
Stupid heartless bastards."

The moonlight washed over her, and Misato let her body pitch forward,
the dirt and grass folding beneath her hands as she felt her stomach
violently reject its contents, vomit mingling with undesired tears as
Misato shuddered violently.  "Why spoil a perfect evening?" she
muttered before another wave of sickness hit her, vomit falling past
her lips as she shuddered, her body feeling inexplicably filthy as she
knelt in the dirt beside her car.

Both vomit and gunshots faded after a few moments, and Misato's ears
began to pick up the vapidly lilting tunes of another pop song, dirt
pushed up about the red sleeves of her jacket, tears falling weakly on
the ground as she tried to force herself back to her feet.  "Nothing
new," she muttered, trying to dust herself off even as she moved
unsteadily.  "Just because he saved you instead of himself doesn't make
him a good person.  Just because he made you feel like a woman doesn't
make him worth loving.  They're both the same in so many ways."

She sighed again, staggering back to her car, gun held limply in her
hand, her brown eyes blurrily flicking about the area, something
picking at the edge of her attention that she couldn't quite pick out
through the haze of alcohol and tears.  "I don't really love him.  The
only reason I think I do is because he was my father, because he
brought me into this world and then finally defended me at the last
possible moment, because -"

Hesitating, Misato realized that the pull on her attention was the
gently beeping of her cell phone, sitting on her pasenger's seat
amongst the discarded beer cans.  She let the phone beep for a moment
or two longer, then lunged over and fished it out, her hands curling
around the smooth black plastic, gun clattering to the floor as she
flipped it open and tried to regain her demeanor, knowing full well
that the only people who would be calling her were inside of NERV.
"Katsuragi," she said, noticing the slightest slur in her tone, doing
her best to ignore it as she shoved herself into a sitting position in
the driver's seat.

"There has been an incident inside Central Dogma," replied the cool and
emotionless tone of an Intelligence agent, sending a minor chill down
the back of Misato's neck even as she forced herself to pay attetnion.
"Ryoji Kaji has been observed to have penetrated the lower levels of
the compound beyond his security access, and is believed to have
possibly injured several NERV employees.  Your presence is requested at
the base for his necessary capture or termination."

Misato froze for a moment, shocked, the thought that Kaji had run so
squarely afoul of NERV more than a little disorienting.  She knew that
he was doing things that he shouldn't, that he was pressing his luck,
but she had little doubt that he would manage to squirm free of the
base's security forces - skilled though he might be, the best he could
hope for was likely spending the rest of his natural life inside of a
prison cell.  Her regret and anger surged upwards, gnawing at her chest
as she stared into the darkness outside of her car, the minor benefits
of alcohol seemingly shocked out of her system.  "I'm within a few
minutes of an entrance to the base," she said slowly, trying to figure
out the easiest route.  "I should be there within ten minutes."

"Come," replied the voice on the other end, capping the sentence with
the firm and unmistakable noise of the phone hanging up.  Misato let
herself simply hold the phone to her ear for a few moments before
turning it off and tossing it back into the seat beside her, eyes
shutting as she thought about the situation, the realization that she
was going to be partially responsible for Kaji's capture sinking in.
Her emotions were a maelstrom, tossed about and distorted by the sudden
news, adrenaline seeping into her bloodstream.

Then the expression on her face hardened, and she fumbled on the floor
of her car for a moment before she found her gun, a flick of a switch
sliding the now-empty clip out as she buckled herself into her seat.
Her ammunition was sitting beside her, and with quick movements she
slid the smooth bullets into the clip, fingers moving more quickly,
spurned by both urgency and desire until the clip was filled.  "This is
it," she muttered, slamming the clip back into the weapon, letting the
weapon arm with a satisfying click, her eyes narrowing as she let her
car's engine spring to life once again.  "You're not getting away with
this one, Ryoji."

                                  ]++[

"I screwed up," muttered Neil, his green eyes fixed on the ceiling as
he shifted his body uncomfortably, taking in the sheer dearth of
interesting activity above him as the only available distraction left
in the apartment.  He wasn't entirely sure about how long it had been
since Nieve and Misato had both left, but he knew that it was too long,
that he'd had too much time to think about all the mistakes he had made
in dealing with both of them.

Sighing, Neil let his eyes close for a moment, the green of EVA-01's
eye greeting him within the darkness of his eyelids as he'd grown
accustomed to.  He could still remember hearing the sound of Vash's
voice over the phone, picking up when he'd expected to hear Eiko,
something at the back of the boy's voice that Neil hadn't been able to
identify and hadn't quite wanted to.  "I just wanted to talk to a
friend," he muttered, rolling to his side, not trying to sleep so much
as trying to chase the thoughts in his brain away.  "It wasn't anything
more.  But Nieve wouldn't believe that."

Another sigh, and Neil dug his fingers into the soft surface of the
mattress beneath him, unsure if he was trying to convince himself or
the night air of that fact.  He could remember clearly every moment of
sparse physical contact that he and Eiko had shared, each time that
their hands had accidentally brushed together and each time the warmth
of her body had merged with his own.  It was an exhilirating memory,
enough to provoke a mild shudder along his skin at the thought.

"But that's not right of me," he muttered, forcing his eyes open again,
letting them take in the whole of the room around him, blue-black
darkness cloaking the room and cut through by piercingly silver
moonlight.  "I'm with Nieve.  I should be thinking about her touch, her
voice, the way that we interact."  Shaking his head, he rolled again,
his arms flopping to his sides as he found his eyes twisting towards
the ceiling.  "That's what normal people do.  Vash sure as hell isn't
thinking about anyone else."

Momentary silence wrapped around the boy's head, and he let himself
think for a moment, breathing deep and trying to assemble the scattered
ideas within his head.  "Vash doesn't live here, though," he muttered,
remembering the way that Nieve had cried the day that they'd first made
love, the way that he'd felt a spearing agony for hurting her, the
guilt that had occupied his mind that night.  He couldn't escape the
notion that his guilt had been pulling his hands along with the girl,
that the only reason he wanted to apologize to her was because he felt
guilty for hurting her.

His mouth opened to utter another confession into the night, but he was
frozen in place by the noise of the front door clicking open, clearly
audible from his room laying almost directly across from it.  Both arms
pushed him upwards before his body froze, eyes locked on his own door,
indecision and worry holding him in place.  Part of him wanted to rush
forward, to greet Misato or Nieve and apologize, to hope that he could
patch up the relations that he assumed were strained.  Part of him also
wanted to do nothing more than pretend to be asleep and hide as best he
could, to avoid dealing with the worries that surrounded his mind.
Even the gentle sound of footsteps kept him from moving, his mouth only
halfway open as he listened to the unknown person move towards him.

Another click came with the opening of his own door, and it took him a
moment to recognize Nieve's silhouette, her features obscured by the
light behind her that briefly flooded into his room.  The girl said
nothing, simply stepped in and closed the door softly behind her,
moonlight running along her body as Neil stared, her hands lingering
for a moment on the doorknob before moving to the front of her blouse.

It took Neil's mouth a moment to work correctly again, but he finally
managed to kick himself into action.  "Nieve, please, you don't have
to -"

"Shh."  The noise was decisive enough to make the boy fall silent as
Nieve shrugged the red fabric of the blouse off, letting it fall to the
floor as the moonlight caressed her shoulders.  She paused for only a
moment longer before reaching back and unzipping her skirt, stepping
out of the pleated garment carefully and walking towards Neil's bed,
her body basking in the moonlight and an inexplicably sorrowful
expression on her face.

Both Children remained silent as Nieve stepped onto the bed, one hand
resting on Neil's chest and gently pushing him down to the surface.  He
acquiesced, feeling guilt surge within his chest as he surmised what
was about to happen.  Then, to his surprise, Nieve simply lay next to
him and wrapped her arms around him, her body pulling itself closer to
him, skin pressed hard against the fabric of his clothes as her hair
fell against his arm.  "I'm sorry, Neil," she whispered, voice almost
inaudible as her lips spoke into the side of his body.  "I was out of
line."

"Don't worry," replied Neil, letting his arms embrace the girl lying
next to him, feeling her warm skin shift slightly under the touch of
his fingers.  "So was I."  He paused, then half-opened his mouth before
closing it again, settling for simply letting his embrace tighten, the
only way that he could conceive of sending the message that he wanted.

There was more to discuss, but the two remained silent, holding one
another and letting moonlight wrap around them, the soft heartbeats of
their bodies echoing in time with one another.  After what seemed like
an eternity of silence, Nieve moved herself slightly, bringing her face
closer to Neil's, her lips brushing lightly against his cheek.  "Neil?"
she asked quietly, obviously afraid of something that he didn't quite
understand.  "Do you think that I'm... that I..."  She paused, biting
her lower lip for a second as the boy's emerald eyes looked towards
her.  "Do you think that I'm worthless?"

Neil was taken aback for a moment, his eyes widening as he took in
Nieve's features, his guilt over having hurt the girl increasing as he
felt his arms tighten unconsciously.  "No," he whispered, shaking his
head at the same time, feeling as the girl's lips moved along his face
from his own motion.  "You're a wonderful girl, Nieve.  You're not
worthless at all."  He paused briefly, feeling her own arms tighten
around him.  "Nieve, do you want to talk about something?"

"No," replied Nieve, shaking her head before nestling it upon Neil's
shoulder, exhaustion obviously managing to sink into her body as she
clung to him.  "I just want to feel clean again."  The boy began to ask
her what she meant, then decided against it, simply holding her more
tightly, thoughts of Eiko driven away by the immediacy of Nieve's
troubles.

                                  ]++[

Anger burned like a halo around Misato's thoughts, her muscles moving
smoothly as she ran down another corridor, her gun held firmly with
both hands and prepared to fire as soon as necessary.  She had seen
Ritsuko, drugged and robbed, and despite the resentment she still bore
towards her former best friend the thought of what Kaji had done was
enough to spring her into action.  Her intentions lethal, the woman let
her eyes scan the hallways about her, fluorescent lighting shimmering
through the air around her as she tried to pick out a noise other than
the sound of her own breathing.

There was no other visible life in the corridors, not even the
intelligence agents that had called for her assistance in pursuing
Kaji.  They were patrolling upper levels, performing a methodical sweep
downward, a standard routine for pursuing a classified intruder in
Central Dogma.  "Shame I can't tell them they're doing it all wrong,"
sighed Misato, still slinking through the hallways swiftly.  "Kaji must
have expected their moves.  He's the head of the their department.
Must be expecting to get out of here alive."

Gentle beeps coming from the earpiece that she wore provoked a
momentary start from Misato, followed by a scowl as she glanced about
and pressed against a wall.  She had been forced into wearing the
communicator in order to keep in touch with the Intel agents, but she'd
immediately seen it as a stupid idea, an excellent noisemaker to make
it perfectly clear to Kaji when his pursuers were approaching.  "This
is Katsuragi," she hissed, glancing back and forth, hoping that her
former lover couldn't hear her.  "Make this fast."

"Major!"  Makoto's tone was unmistakable, even distorted through the
hissing noise of the ear communicator.  "I've been fumbling with this
thing for a few minutes and thought I'd never get your frequency right!"

Her eyes widening, Misato flicked her gaze about once again, still
concerned about Kaji hearing her but also baffled by the fact that
Makoto was even using one of the communicators.  "Makoto?" she asked,
her hands returning to her gun as she slowly inched her way along the
wall.  "What are you doing?"

"Looking for Kaji, same as you.  Intel wasn't too enthusiastic about a
technician piching in, but I was on the late shift anyways, and...
well, I didn't want you to be all alone with them."  He paused, and
Misato could hear him blushing on the other end of the line, enough to
bring a slight smile to her face.  "Anyhow, where the hell are you?
I'm on one of the mostly cleared levels of the facility, and I was
hoping to arrange a rendezvous point?"

"Can't.  I'm too busy trying to find him."  She paused for a moment,
then let herself step across an intersection of hallways, keeping her
gun out and pointing it at the air, determined not to let Kaji past
her.  "Listen, he's not going to be where any of the agents are.  I'm
certain of it.  I'm almost at the bottom of the facility now, but I'm
going to proceed further.  If I know him, I'd be willing to bet that
he's not going to be headed anywhere inside Central Dogma."

"You mean..."  Makoto's voice took on an almost reverent tone, as
though Misato were unveiling the secrets of the universe to him.  "You
think that he's heading for Terminal Dogma?"

"I'd be willing to bet on it," replied Misato, casting her eyes towards
the staircase that she knew lay only a few dozen feet away, knowing
full well that Kaji would have to descent through it if he was going to
head any further down.  "Be careful, Makoto.  I can't stay on any
longer."

The younger man doubtlessly had something more to say, but Misato
quickly reached up and snapped off the signal, focusing instead on
aiming her gun towards the door to the stairwell, keeping her ears
peeled for the slightest hint of noise around her.  It was ferociously
quiet inside the hallways, and as she listened to the quiet humming of
the fluorescent lights about her she couldn't help but wonder if she'd
moved to slowly, if Kaji hadn't already made his way lower.  "I should
keep going," she whispered, eyes fixed on the door in front of her.
"Even if he's not down there, I'll cut him off."

"Sorry, Misato."  The words were unexpected, and the woman had barely
whirled her head halfway around when she felt Kaji's strong arms
wrapping around her and sending her skidding away, the distorting
effects of alcohol allowing her only the barest glimpse of the man's
powder-blue shirt as he moved past her.  By the time that she had
recovered her footing, she could see him moving into the stairwell, the
sliding doors already shutting behind him.

"Don't move a muscle!" shouted Misato, bringing her pistol to bear and
firing without thinking, the weapon giving a loud burst of smoke and
light as a single bullet ripped forward.  She knew she had missed, but
she ignored that, running forward on slightly unsteady feet and forcing
the sliding doors open again, standing on the landing and pointing her
weapon down towards Kaji, fully aware of his destination.  "Stay there,
Ryoji!  I don't want to have to shoot you!"

Forcing a grin, Kaji flung himself sideways as Misato fired again, her
bullet pinging against the wall a moment too late.  Muttering a curse
under her breath, Misato began to descend the stairs as fast as she
could, fully aware that he would reach the bottom before she did, his
movements already too fast for her to get a solid shot off at him.  In
the back of her head she knew that she needed to call and get some kind
of backup, but something kept her determined to follow the man herself,
to keep the conflict just between the two of them.  "Don't do this,
Kaji!" she shouted, trying her best to catch up.  "We're going to catch
you!"

There was no reply, and Misato's eyes widened with the realization that
he had opened the door into Terminal Dogma, the unmistakable noise of
the sliding doors hissing open coming from just below her.  Gritting
her teeth, she flung herself down the stairs, falling awkwardly on her
high heels and feeling a jab of pain from her ankle, forcing herself to
keep moving forward and down another level to see the doors beginning
to slide shut.  Her ankle sent another pained protest, but she ignored
it, lunging forward and wedging her hands between the closing halves of
the door, doubting that her own keycard would open it again.

Metal gears whined in protest of her presence for a moment, then the
door slid open again, apparently convinced that it was not being left
any choice in the matter.  The doors rushed open to reveal corridors
that Misato had never seen, the drab teal-gray of Central Dogma
replaced with a red and black that seemed even more oppressive, the
lights above her seeming just the slightest bit dimmer.  "Terminal
Dogma," she muttered, stepping tenatively into the corridors.  "NERV's
lowest levels.  Even I'm not supposed to be down here."

Her thoughts were scattered as she heard footsteps, and flicking her
gaze to one side she saw Kaji dashing down the hallway, disappearing
into the darkness of the cavernous hallways.  "-Stop-!" she shouted,
forcing herself into motion as she pointed her gun towards the man,
something keeping her from pulling the trigger immediately, his outline
only a vague silhouette in depths of the corridor.  "God -damn- it,
Ryoji, give it -up-!"

Exact moments began to lose meaning as Misato chased the man lower and
lower, occasionally running through stairwells anew and firing when she
thought she had a clear shot, each bullet missing its mark by scant
inches.  The levels only caught her eyes briefly, just long enough to
realize what it meant that she was treading in areas where she was
unwanted, where only a few were supposed to be present.  She had the
vaguest ideas what lay within the rooms of Terminal Dogma, but there
was no time or desire to confirm her thoughts, only a single-minded
certainty that Kaji had to be stopped.

Flipping out another clip, Misato let the spent canister fall weakly to
the floor as Kaji continued to run, her mind distantly aware of the
fact that they were passing a truly massive chamber.  As she slammed
the fresh clip into the gun, she saw an opportunity that she hadn't had
before, a momentary stumble from Kaji, as though his feet had slipped
on something unexpected.  "FREEZE!" she shouted, hesitating only half a
second before slamming her finger down hard on the trigger.

Kaji's entire body pitched forward as a red mist jetted out of his
shoulder, the wound slowing him to a halt as one hand clutched at the
wound.  Misato paused for a moment, her eyes going wide with the
implications of what she had done, then began to walk swiftly forward,
her gun remaining trained on Kaji, hands trembling only slightly.
"This is the end of the line, Ryoji," she said, struggling to remain
calm as the man drew himself back to his full height.  "You try to run,
and I swear to God that I'll shoot you dead."

The man said nothing for a moment, then turned slowly towards Misato,
his mouth an awkward grin despite the blood seeping slowly out from his
left shoulder, one hand clenched tightly around the wounded area.
"Good shot," he noted, his breaths coming slowly.  "I love you, Misato."

Misato's eyes went wider, the thought of another revelation giving her
a momentary rush.  She knew that she wanted nothing to do with the man,
that she didn't want to feel his warm embrace, his soft kiss, his
gentle touch, but the thought was enough to provoke a pause before her
eyes narrowed again.  "That's it," she snarled, cocking the pistol once
more.  "I've had enough of you playing around with my emotions.  You
and my father both, you've had enough fun with me for one lifetime."

"I'm not playing with you," replied Kaji, his voice carrying an
inexplicable air of decisiveness about it, his eyes lacking the sort of
impish sparkle that the woman would have expected from some kind of
deception.  "I love you, Misato.  Not Ritsuko.  That was what I wanted
to tell you the day that you left - that I wanted you to marry me, that
I was in love with you."

Part of Misato wanted to shoot the man regardless of whether or not he
was telling the truth, simply because it was easier than trying to deal
with the implications of his words.  But she couldn't bear to pull the
trigger back and fire on him, not with the expression on his face, with
the thought that he was truly in love with her.  "Then why did you lie
to me?" she asked, her voice trembling, pistol shaking in her hands
even as she pointed it towards his heart.

"Ritsuko had something you don't, Misato.  She had access to this level
of NERV, to the place of secrets."  He paused, wincing slightly from
the pain of his wound.  "I lied because the only way to get access to
this point of the building was through Ritsuko.  And like I told you
before, I've been trying to investigate NERV, trying to find out what
it's hiding from us."

The man paused for a moment, as though allowing Misato a chance to
speak, a chance she found herself unable to take before he cleared his
throat and continued, obviously in pain.  "Something big is going on
here, and there are people that don't want NERV to keep obscuring the
truth from his."  He paused, then slowly drew his hand away from his
wound, reaching towards his breast pocket.  "There are things in this
base that even you don't know about.  This is one of them."

Kaji hesitated for a second, then swiped the card through the reader to
one side of the massive chamber's doors, letting them slide open with a
creaking noise.  Misato frowned at the man, then let herself look
inside, expecting to see nothing of any particular note.  As she took
in the sight, she gasped, and her hands involuntarily released the gun
still pointed at Kaji, letting it clatter to the floor and ignoring it.

She was looking into the chamber from the side, and simply by glancing
in she could tell that it extended far below them, that it was far
bigger than she had expected.  However, the size of the chamber was
necessary for the massive occupant in the center of the room, nailed to
a blood-red cross that seemed more than large enough to hold an Eva
unit.  It was a white, doughy mass in only the vaguest shape of a human
being, but it was obviously patterned after the body structure of
humans, even ignoring the mask nailed to its face as its entire body
slouched forward.  From its chest projected a great red weapon, massive
even were it to be wielded by an Eva, a red double-pronged spear with a
great whirled haft that stretched almost beyond Misato's ability to see
in the dimly-lit room.  "Lillith," she gasped, blinking once, her eyes
widening.

"Yes.  The Second Angel.  They've been keeping her down here since the
Second Impact, exactly like this."  Kaji paused, wincing from pain and
bringing his hand back up to his wound, Ritsuko's keycard clattering to
the floor as he staggered slightly.  "The first two Angels are both in
NERV's possession - the Second was not destroyed as they'd have you
believe.  And if that sounds bad... they've got a reason for keeping
her here, too."

Misato could only stare for a moment longer, her mind struggling to
wrap itself around the sight of the great white Angel nailed inertly to
a metal cross.  She remembered the beast, though only distantly, the
one who had been the source of the Second Impact and her father's
death, something she at once hated them for and could care less about.
Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she turned back towards Kaji.
"What's the purpose?" she asked, voice trembling.  "Why are they
keeping her here?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out," replied Kaji with a quick nod,
taking a deep breath and a step towards Misato, an odd expression on
his face, one that she couldn't quite read.  "But I have a few
guesses."  A pause, then he glanced up and down the hallway, as though
he expected someone to come after them at any moment.  "Don't trust the
Seventh, Misato.  They're going to bring her out soon, I'm certain of
it, and I promise you that whatever they're keeping the Angel here for
is related to -"

A gunshot pierced the air, and Misato felt the world seem to go into
slow motion for a few second as it pierced Kaji's back, blood
blossoming outwards as his body pitched forward, following after what
seemed like an eternity by the bullet bursting out of the man's chest.
She could only watch in horror as the blood slowly began to seep out of
his chest, ignoring the sting as the bullet clipped her ear, more
concerned with the man pitching forward in slow motion.  Everything
stayed slow until the moment her hands touched him again, then she
could feel time snapping back to normal, the bullet pinging off the
walls of the corridor, blood spilling out of the wound in the dead
center of Kaji's chest.

"No," gasped Misato, holding Kaji as his breaths became more pained,
her eyes flicking up to see Makoto standing with his gun still
smoking.  For the barest of moments she considered screaming at the
young man, but she ignored the sensation in favor of the more immediate
fact of Kaji's dimming life, burying her head against his chest.
"Ryoji, why didn't you tell me any of this?  Why didn't you let me
know?  I would have understood, you know that!"

"Because... I love you," hacked the man, his body shuddering slightly
as Misato's arms clutched him tightly, blood trickling out and
splattering against the dark gray floor.  "If you'd... known... you
would... have... followed... me."  He hacked again, this time a fine
mist of blood bubbling to his lips.  "Misato... go to where... we
first... kissed.  I've left... you... every..."  The coughing increased
again, his body pitching franticly, voice distorted through the vital
fluids seeping out of his body.  "I - love -"

One last shuddering cough managed to escape the man's lips, then his
body fell still, eyes half-closed and blood still slowly trickling out,
Makoto approaching almost reverently.  Misato stared at the body for a
moment longer, then clutched to it with all her strength, letting her
tears fall and mingle with the blood covering her former lover, her
entire body wracked with sorrow as he gazed blankly into darkness.

"You should have told me," she whispered, her hands desperately
clutching at the man's bloodstained shirt, eyes closed tightly as the
tears continued to stream forth.  "It's my decision if I want to follow
you or not, even if it hurt me.  I..."  She hesitated, unsure of what
to say, wishing that she had just a few scant seconds more to speak
with the man.  "I love you, Ryoji Kaji."

A moment passed in relative silence before Misato let out a low,
wailing moan, her entire body seeming to collapse against Kaji's inert
form as her shoulders shuddered violently.  Makoto took a tenative step
forward, then stopped, tossing his gun to one side, unsure of what to
do as he watched the elder woman cry.  There were no words left, only
tears, only the spreading blood along the ash-gray floor as Misato
cried over her lover.

                                  ]++[

The air was tense inside of the meeting room, the Children all sharing
an awkward silence as Dr. Ikari approached the podium towards the front
of the room.  Neil and Nieve had both heard about Kaji's death first,
directly from Misato, but the other Children had been filled in with
varying degrees of sensitivity, something that struck Neil as
ultimately being trivial.  He had only briefly interacted with the man,
but he knew full well that Nieve and Niobe had had the most to do with
him, something that was reaffirmed by the state that the girl was in, a
sort of disbelief mixed with sadness.

Gendou, for his part, was unconcerned with the state of the Children
regarding the events of the prior night, although he couldn't help but
be mildly irritated by how far Kaji had managed to get before someone
had managed to stop him.  Mercifully, there appeared to be no signs of
sabotage, something he certainly didn't need in light of SEELE's
increasing curiosity.  He was being forced to play his hand far more
quickly than he'd originally wanted to, but he knew that it was for the
best as he stood behind the podium, that he was advancing appropriately.

"Ryoji Kaji was shot dead during an intrusion attempt into Central
Dogma last night," he announced flatly, riveting the attention of the
Children with the sheer bluntness of his statement.  "It is unknown
exactly what he intended to accomplish, but he posed a clear threat to
the security of this organization."  He paused for a moment, adjusting
his glasses.  "As you have all been informed, any information that you
may have regarding this matter should be divulged as soon as possible."

Letting his voice fall silent, Gendou glanced about the room for a
moment, knowing full well that whatever Kaji had been doing was
independent of the Children.  It was something that he had to say, the
best way to help keep the man's death uninvestigated.  "Furthermore, we
have another matter to discuss," he continued, fixing his eyes on the
entrance to the room, resisting the urge to smile.  "As you may or may
not know, Evangelion unit 07 has been completed and is being delivered
to NERV for our use.  This unit was originally comissioned to restore
our forces after the destruction of EVA-02 at the hands of the
Fourteenth Angel."

Nieve shifted in her seat, made obviously uncomfortable by the mention
of her lost Eva.  She disliked the thought of what had happened to it
every bit as much as she disliked the almost ghoulish sensation of
piloting Niobe's Eva as the African girl lay comatose.  "We're fully
staffed now, though," offered Nieve weakly, almost wishing that she had
remained silent.  "Why do we need another Eva?"

"The unit was comissioned before the incident with the Fifteenth Angel,
therefore giving us a surplus of one Eva unit," replied Gendou flatly.
"Because of the circumstances, however, it seems wasteful to not use
the unit to its full potential.  For this reason, we have recruited
another Child to utilize EVA-07."

As though on cue, the entrance to the room slid open, and everyone
turned their gazes towards the door, watching as a girl stepped through
almost mechanically.  Her appearance was striking in its almost eerie
familiarity, her pale skin beneath the fluorescent lights, red eyes
blankly surveying the assembled Children, light blue hair hanging
thinly about her head.  She wore a short blue skirt and a white blouse,
and took a moment to let her eyes flick about the room, something about
her appearance tugging at the back of Neil's room before she opened her
mouth.

"Hello," she said, voice cold and surprisingly flat as her eyes rested
on Ryo.  "I am the Seventh Child.  My name is Rei Ayanami."

                                  ]++[

Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by
GAINAX and company.  It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.

Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.

Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the
Japanese portions of the story.  He might not know much Japanese, but
that's more than I know.

Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.

NEXT EPISODE:
             The dove flies free from the tree.
             The animals return to their homes.
             The hate returns to the hearts of man.
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 23: AFTER THE FLOOD
"It's just not the same any more."

                                  ]++[

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