From: "Rakna" The One I Love Is... Chapter 6 - Friends Written by Alain Gravel Assisted by Darren Demaine Based on characters created by and copyright GAINAX http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Teahouse/2236/ (*) See translations notes for details (number) See the author's notes for details on a specific subject WARNING: This chapter contains lime scented elements. ======================================================================= Chapter 6 - Friends Part 1 - The trip A month had passed since the Twelfth Angel's attack. Things had pretty much gotten back to normal. Well, as close to normal as my life could be, anyway. After some difficult moments, Asuka and Rei had managed to "solve" their differences in a civilized matter. Asuka could now do whatever she wanted with me on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, while I was Rei's on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I tried to object to the idea of having my life run by a schedule that I had no role in working out, especially since the possibility of freedom was only one day a week, Sunday. There was no way I could possibly stand long against *both* of them, so I just accepted their arrangement. Besides, it wasn't really that bad. In fact, many of the guys at school envied my situation. Still, there were some changes. Asuka was now definitely nicer to me. She still called me 'baka' almost a hundred times a day, but she barely yelled any more. Most of the time, anyway. For her part, Rei had changed considerably. She was definitely more open to others now and, while not the extrovert type, she did show a bit more how she felt to the people around her. Her biggest improvement was the fact that she now actually had a friend outside of NERV, one of our classmates, a girl named Hotaru. Even with the recent changes, that girl seemed to be the only student of our class who didn't seem uncomfortable in Rei's presence. Well, beside me and Asuka to an extent. Even Touji and Kensuke didn't yet feel at ease around her. Maybe the closeness of the two new friends was due to the fact they were very much alike. Hotaru was a shy girl who had clearly no friend, like Rei months ago. Because of her frail complexion, her skin had the same porcelain qualities as Rei's. If her short hair had been blue instead of black, the two could have passed as sisters (1). As I looked at them happily eating lunch together, I couldn't help being proud of Rei. She had made a lot of progress in the last few weeks. "Shin-chan! We have to do something!" This sudden outburst from my red-headed companion dragged me from my thoughts. "Uh? What do you mean?" "Look at them!" she almost shouted, pointing at Touji in a corner of the school cafeteria, then Hikari a few seats away. "The way they try to ignore each other, even though they are madly attracted to each other, is driving me insane! We must help them! They too deserve to know the happiness and love we share!" Those last words got the attention of the entire student body. Not that there were many students in this school these days. Still, we couldn't help but blush under all those looks. I almost crawled under the table when I noticed Rei's burning glare. She could be really scary when she looked at you that way. "What are you all looking at?" shouted a suddenly angry Asuka. Scared of the red-headed fury, everyone decided to get back to whatever they were doing a few moments before. "Are you really sure she likes him?" I asked, trying to calm her down. "Sure! I asked her. I don't know why, but she has the biggest crush on that baka. Personally, I think she deserves better, but if she want him that bad..." "Hey! Touji's a nice guy!" I objected, wanting to defend my friend. "He's just a pervert like you!" Wide opening here... "I didn't know you liked perverts..." "I don't!" "Then we don't go out tonight like you had planned? You did call me a pervert a few seconds ago..." For a few seconds, Asuka didn't know what to say. "Fine, you're not a pervert. But he's still one." Well, there was no point in starting that argument all over, so I stayed quiet. Besides, I knew that deep down, Asuka probably didn't really think Touji was a pervert. She just needed to complain. "Okay, she likes him and I know that Touji has a little crush on her as well. So?" "So? We help them get together, of course!" "We? Why we?" "Because I've got a plan. And I need you to help me." "Me? I can't even solve the problems of my own love life!" "That's because you're too stupid to realize that Wonder Girl ain't a match for me!" I tried to ignore that last comment. Now was not the time for *that* fight. Again. "So, what do you have in mind?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Asuka took some time to look around. Whatever she was looking for, she didn't really seem satisfied by what she saw. In a few seconds, she finished her meal, then grabbed me and dragged me out to a deserted classroom. "Less spying ears here," she explained, seeing my puzzled look. What was with the paranoia all of the sudden? "A camping trip," she then said flatly. "Uh?" "A camping trip. We will all go on a camping trip." "A camping trip?" How was that supposed to draw Touji and Hikari together? "Yes. You go with Touji. I go with Hikari. Then, by some twist of fate, we all meet at that lake you showed me on our first date. When night comes, you and I take the tent you were supposed to use with Touji, so he and Hikari will have no choice but to sleep together in the other tent. If Touji is like any other male, he will take that opportunity to put the moves on her. Perfect plan." I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that plan. It seemed... devious. "What if she doesn't want him to put the moves on her?" "Are you kidding? She's only waiting for that!" "She told you that?" All of the sudden, Asuka became quite embarrassed. "Well... no..." "You don't know, then!" "Of course I know! Remember when I spent a few days at her house? You should have heard her in her sleep, moaning that baka's name and..." She was almost crimson red now. "And what?" "I really can't tell you. You'd get a nosebleed..." Being a boy, I imagined quite a few scenarios. All of them with the potential of being hit by Asuka and called a pervert if I expressed them. Since my own cheeks suddenly turned red, Asuka seemed to guess what was crossing my mind. "Pervert!" "Ouch!" I complained, after being hit behind the head. Before I even realized it, I put my foot into my mouth. Again. "Like I'm sure you did nothing when you saw her!" "What!?" This time I was slapped. "You're really worse than Touji!" Before I could even think of a reply, she had stormed out of the room. Then, her head reappeared. "You'll come to the mall with me after school, we've got camping gear to buy. Try to control your hormones in the mean time." This said, she was out again. "That girl is a pain. Can't wait for tomorrow. It's safer with Rei." * * * "A camping trip?" asked a dumbfounded Touji. "You're asking me to go camping with you?" "Well... yes." Oh, man... That wasn't going well. I just knew it, this was a bad idea. Why something so complicated? Why couldn't Asuka have thought about something simpler like going to the movies and having both of them sit together? "I dunno. It's more Kensuke's thing..." I knew it. He was trying to find a way out of this. "I asked him, but he said he couldn't. Something about a new Top Secret military project. Come on, it would be fun. Aren't you tired of Tokyo-3? I sure am." "Well..." Time for pleading, I guess. "Everything's ready! I don't want to go alone..." "Misato is letting you go? Just like that?" "She gave me some tracking devices to carry with me. NERV will know exactly where I'll be and they can get me to headquarters in around ten minutes. Besides, we'll be away only from Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. I really doubt an Angel would choose that time to attack..." Well, at least that was what I hoped. "And what about your girlfriends? Aren't you owned by Asuka on Saturdays? Surely she won't let you got that easily..." "Hey! She doesn't own me! And they're not my girlfriends!" "Yeah, right..." said Touji, barely suppressing a chuckle. Damn, I really hated being reminded of my problems with the girls... "Asuka doesn't really mind." If he knew that was actually her idea... Maybe Touji was right. I really needed to stand up a bit more to Asuka... "Oh, alright... I'll go with you!" "Great! Trust me... you won't regret it!" Silently, I hoped this would be true... * * * Once we got out of Tokyo-3, Touji seemed to relax a bit. Once we actually got to the lake, he seemed to actually be glad he had agreed to come with me. "You know, Shinji... this wasn't such a bad idea after all," said Touji, lost in contemplation over the lake. I only half listened to him. Without really realizing it, I walked toward the lake and stopped a few meters away. I bent down, and touched the green grass. There was nothing specific about that particular spot of grass I touched, but the memories it stirred made me go through a wide range of emotions. This was where I had shared my first kiss with Asuka... "So, that's the place?" Startled, I raised my head to see Touji at my side, a big grin on his face. "What do you mean?" "Come on, Shinji. I heard the story. This is where you first kissed Asuka, isn't it?" "What?! How do you know about that?" "Hikari." "I see... I guess girls would talk about such things..." "So, that's the place?" I nodded. Touji's grin grew even wider. I was about to tell him to stop looking at me that way when someone called our names. "Suzuhara-kun? Ikari-kun?" While I expected that turn of event, I was still surprised. Not as much as Touji, however. "In... Inchou?" (*) Both girls had appeared behind us, carrying similar backpacks as those Touji and I had brought with us. While Asuka seemed oblivious to the weight on her shoulders, Hikari seemed almost exhausted. I was only a bit surprised to see Touji run up to her and take that burden off her shoulders. Hikari thanked him and both of them blushed. When I took my eyes off that scene, I realized Asuka was staring at me. I understood why as I realized I was still kneeling down on the spot of grass I had previously touched. Silently, Asuka walked toward me. I stood up. We stared at each other for a few seconds, then Asuka surprised me with a deep kiss. I knew that Touji and Hikari were watching, so I froze at first. It was the first time we actually kissed in public. But after a short moment, I forgot about our friends. "This time, we did it correctly," whispered Asuka, after she broke the kiss. When I brought my attention back to our friends, I noticed that Hikari had an astonished look on her face while Touji showed again that damn wide grin. "What are you boys doing here?!" suddenly shouted Asuka, startling me. I knew it was part of her plan to try to convince both Hikari and Touji that this was not some scheme, but I still didn't expect her to yell just after kissing me. "Camping of course!" replied Touji, pointing at our belongings, a few meters away. "What a coincidence!" exclaimed Hikari. "We came here to do the same..." That was just perfect. Coming up herself with the coincidence hypothesis was the best thing that could have happened. However, even if he didn't mention it, I could feel that Touji felt sceptical about this. "So, what do we do now?" I asked. Asuka had expected Hikari to take advantage of the situation. She did. "Well, we had planned for a girl trip, but now that we are all together, why not all stay here? It would be fun! The more the merrier!" I noticed Asuka had trouble hiding a grin. Realizing this, she played her usual role, which was yelling and making a lot of noise about nothing. "What?! You want us to camp here? With those perverts?!" "We're not perverts!" I objected. From that point, things just escalated into the kind of argument we usually had. "You are! I'm sure you heard I was coming here and came yourself to take advantage of the situation! No Misato around... Admit it, you the other baka planned all this so that you could do all sort of perverted things to us, defenceless girls!" "What?!" shouted Touji. "Oh, my..." said a dumbfound Hikari. The argument continued for a while, until we got tired of it and all decided to stay, exactly as Asuka had planned, of course. Since dinner time was coming fast anyway, nobody had the time to find another place where they could camp. Soon, Touji and I were handed the task of setting up the tents, while Asuka and Hikari were gone in the woods to put on their swimsuits. "Why do we end up with all the work?" complained Touji, while trying to figure out how to set up Asuka's tent. "Because we're guys? Besides, I'm sure you're happy to lend Hikari a hand..." "Yeah, but this is still the Demon's tent..." "Hey! Asuka-chan's not that bad!" "Oh, so it's Asuka-chan now? That kiss must have been something..." Damn! I had let that "chan" slip... Oh, well, after what he had seen earlier... "Nah... That was nothing. You should see us when we sleep together..." "What?!" Touji was so surprised that he lost his hold on the tent. Everything went down. I smiled. I had my revenge. "Oh, man! I've got to start over now!" I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Touji soon followed. So far, everything seemed to indicate it would be a pleasant day. * * * The day had gone by pretty nicely. Since the girls had resolved to catch some sun while we were taking care of the tents, it seemed that the task of gathering wood for a fire and prepare dinner would fall on us gentlemen. Since Touji's cooking skills were limited to the use of instant microwave meals, he decided to take care of the wood. When he had gathered together a reasonable pile of branches and timber, I worked on starting up a small campfire. By the time the girls got tired of lying around, our meal was under way and the sun was slowly leaving us. We ate, then chatted for a while until Asuka went to our tent and came back carrying a sake bottle and a six pack of Yebisu in each hand. "Let's start the real party now!" I was, to say the least, more than surprised. "Where the hell did you get that, Asuka?!" "Where do you think? The same place Misato buys her weekly supply of alcohol. The owner didn't even suspect a thing when I put those on her credit." "You did what?!" "Relax Shin-chan... It's not like she keeps count of how much beer she buys..." I shook my head in disbelief. Sometimes, Asuka just went too far... "We shouldn't be drinking... we're too young..." "Oh... Is little Shinji scared?" "I'm not scared!" "Prove it." She handed me a beer, a smirk on her face. "It won't work Asuka. I'm not going to drink that." "Just as I thought. You're a wimp. Say, Touji, are you more of a man than Shin-chan here?" "I've got nothing to prove to you." I had expected Asuka to give up, but instead, a huge grin grew on her face as she eyed Hikari. "Then I guess you're the only one left, Hikari. Shall we show these guys we've got more guts than them?" "I don't know Asuka..." "You don't want the boys here to think you're a shy girl, do you, Hikari-chan?" I knew that when she had said 'boys', Asuka had meant 'Touji'. And by the way Hikari glanced at my friend, I knew Asuka had hit a nerve. "No... of course not..." Reluctantly, Hikari took the Yebisu can Asuka handed to her, before taking one for herself. Both girls opened their cans. Hikari took a shy sip. "It's not so bad..." "Come on, Hikari, that not how you drink!" I was stunned to see Asuka lift the can and make a very good imitation of Misato. I was impressed. She drank the entire can in one shot. I couldn't help but seriously wonder if this was the first time Asuka drank beer. "Yeah! Misato's right, that's the way to drink!" "You want me to do that?!" shouted a still stunned Hikari. Asuka nodded. For a while, Hikari stared at her can... then she attempted to copy what Asuka had done a few minutes earlier. She didn't really manage it, but she still drank most of it before almost choking and splashing some of it all over herself. Then she burst in a fit of giggles, followed by Asuka. Touji and I looked at each other. We both nodded and grabbed a beer ourselves... * * * I'm not shy to admit it. I can't handle alcohol. It was the case back then and it's still the same today. After the first can of Yebisu, I felt its effects. I was a bit light-headed and I realized I was laughing a lot more than I usually did. After the second can, I had problems walking straight, which I realized is annoying when you have to walk any significant distance to get some privacy while paying for one of beer's side effects. After the third can and a couple of drinks at Asuka's sake bottles, I realized that any attempt at moving any of my limbs in a coordinated way was almost futile. While my mind was more or less clear, my body was completely out of it. And as time passed, I was very slowly but surely drifting off to sleep. At least, I wasn't the first to get drunk. Hikari was totally out of control before I finished my second can. I must say it was... an interesting sight. I don't know if she used the pretence of being drunk as an excuse, or if she was really that drunk, but soon enough, she was glomping Touji. At first, this scared the hell out of the guy, but after a short while, he seemed to relax and actually enjoy the situation. Maybe the beer was helping. Asuka quickly followed Hikari's example and was soon all over me. Like for Hikari, the effects of the alcohol rapidly showed on her attitude, as she kept switching from an overly happy demeanor to a shy and silent attitude. Touji didn't really seem affected by the alcohol, if we didn't take into account the fact that he got comfortable pretty quickly to the attention Hikari provided him. Sure thing, we had a lot of fun, something I didn't experience that often. We sang songs, told jokes that we normally wouldn't have laughed at if we had been sober, and even went as far as a midnight swim in the lake. Fortunately, none of us were stupid enough to swim out too far, so no unfortunate incident occurred. I guess the party ended when Asuka realized I was seriously dozing off. "If you'll excuse me, I'll go put my dear Shin-chan to bed before he falls asleep and manages to get himself into the fire, or something stupid like that." Touji, of course, had a good laugh. I felt someone grabbing me and dragging me somewhere. It must have been hard on poor Asuka, because I really had trouble walking. Not that I really tried to help her... Eventually, I heard the sound of a zipper being opened and I was thrown forward into my tent. "Oh, yeah..." said Asuka to Touji before following me, "Earlier today, I moved my things here and put your gear into my tent. Surely you understand that I want to spend the night with dear Shin-chan..." "What?!" shouted what sounded like an obviously shocked Touji. They argued for a while, but I didn't pay attention. Lazily, I removed my shoes using only my feet and crawled toward my sleeping bag. Well, I supposed it was mine since it was the only one in the tent and it was where I had last put it. Slowly, I unzipped it, then crawled inside, although not closing it. I felt too lazy to remove my clothes, so I just lay there, ready for a welcome night of sleep. Of course, I was shaken awake by Asuka a few minutes later. I guess this meant that she had won the argument. "Come on, don't fall asleep yet, you baka! Geez, talk about low alcohol tolerance. You're really pathetic..." Those words struck me as odd. This wasn't the drunken girl that had been glomping me a while back. That thought was enough to keep me awake for a while. As I opened my eyes, I realized Asuka definitely seemed like her usual self. "Well, that's better. If we're stuck together, you could at least keep me company." "You make it sound like it's a bad thing. You know, you're the one who's always crawling in my bed!" "Of course... Your bed is more comfortable than mine." For a few seconds, I really asked myself if she was serious or not. "Speaking of bed, where's your sleeping bag?" I asked, trying to change subject. "Left it at the apartment, I had to make some room for the beer and sake." "What are you going to do?" "What do you think? Use yours of course!" "What? It's mine!" To affirm my claim, I grabbed it with all the strength I could muster. Asuka just shrugged. "So? There's room enough for two..." It was probably useless to try to argue, so I kept my mouth shut. It would be a bit tight, but I guess we could manage to squeeze ourselves in a single bag. I really wonder... When we had gone shopping, she had insisted that I take a larger bag, saying I would be more comfortable. Had she actually planned to leave her bag way back then? But if she did, why did she buy one in the first place? Just so that I wouldn't grow suspicious? It seemed a bit too much, even for someone like Asuka. Oh, well... It wasn't like it was the first time we'd share sleeping space anyway... "Shinji? Do you think I'm pretty?" I was taken aback by this question, but answered before even thinking. Not that I could really ponder much on this question. "Of course I think you're pretty, Asuka-chan! Who wouldn't find you pretty...?" I expected her to be all smiles after such an answer, but her face was very serious. I didn't recall seeing her this serious before. It felt... almost as if I was looking at the Rei I knew two months ago. "Do you think I'm prettier than Rei?" I cringed at that question. I really didn't know what to answer. If I said no, I might hurt her. If I said yes, Asuka was likely to tell Rei. Why did she have to ask that question...? "You're both the prettiest girls I know!" I knew this wouldn't satisfy her, but at least it would buy me some time. Not that it really helped... "Oh... So, I'm as pretty as her, am I?" I just nodded nervously. Part of me, however, was really worried about her. The way she had asked that question, in a monotone voice similar to Rei's... "I see..." In fear, I awaited her wrath. I never would have anticipated what she did next. She stood up, then, before my brain registered what she was doing, she let her swimsuit top fall at her feet. I was shocked beyond belief. Not to mention a bit scared. Still, I couldn't help but stare at her newly exposed breasts. It was, after all, a lovely view... However, I felt slightly disturbed by the emotionless expression on her face. It was like what she had just done didn't mean anything at all to her. "So, is Rei still as pretty as me?" I tried to give some kind of answer, but no words managed to came out of my mouth. "I see you still need some convincing." I can't believe I didn't either faint or suffer from a major nosebleed when I realized that the "convincing" consisted of removing her bikini bottom. Part of my mind commanded me to close my eyes and run away, but another part was just too fascinated to do anything else but stare. So that's what I did. "So, am I prettier then her?" I just nodded like an idiot. If that's what she wanted to hear, that's what I would say. Quite frankly, I didn't really give the question much thought. And I didn't care much at the moment. I barely reacted as Asuka slowly moved to position herself on top of me, her knees on each side of my body. Probably too much for my brain... She bent over, so that her breasts were only inches away from my eyes. "Do you want these?" "Asuka, you should stop that..." She didn't listen. Instead, she grabbed each of my wrists and simply put my hands on her breasts. I gasped at the touch. They were soft, yet firm, warm, and delightful. It realized it felt a bit similar to Rei's breast I had accidentally grabbed months ago. Although, unlike then, I could take the time to enjoy the sensation. Again, I felt a hint of worry as Asuka's face seem fixed in a mask of indifference. Something was wrong here... "Asuka... we... we shouldn't be doing this..." I said the words, but part of me didn't mean them. I was nervous as hell, but I knew that this wasn't the reason why I tried to resist this redhead goddess. The only thing that kept me from surrendering to her was fear. Fear of hurting Rei. And fear of hurting her too... I gave a sigh of relief as Asuka removed my hands from her chest, but froze as she started to undo the buckle of my belt. The girl had not listened to a word I had said. I couldn't really blame her, since I wasn't putting out much of a fight. Not to mention that a certain part of my anatomy clearly showed I didn't much believe in my own words. It didn't help that I let out a slight moan as her hand "accidentally" touched it. Finally, some expression appeared on her face. A small, but clear grin. "Tonight, you're mine." "Asuka, please..." I couldn't say more as pulled down my pants. "I'll be your first. This time, I'll beat Rei..." Those words had as much impact on me as an N2 explosion. My thoughts became crystal clear as I understood one simple reality. With those words, all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. The camping trip. Getting us drunk. Us sharing the same tent. Even Asuka's expression. Asuka's purpose had never been to help Touji and Hikari in admitting their feelings. From the very beginning, Asuka's sole intention had been to achieve what Rei had failed to do: have sex with me. It wasn't even something she wanted to do, her cold attitude was proof of that. Without even thinking, my hand lashed out. Asuka fell, her eyes widened in surprise. She raised her trembling fingers to the cheek I had just slapped. "All along, you've been manipulating me... Did you ever care for me? Or was it just a competition with Rei, with me as the trophy?" "Shinji... I..." "Shut up." I had spoken in a voice barely louder than a whisper. But it had more effect than if I had shouted, as the words carried all the hurt I felt. I put my pants back on, grabbed my gear, with the exception of the sleeping bag, and left the tent. Strangely, I didn't feel the effects of alcohol anymore. "Shinji!" She screamed my name a few times. As I walked toward the fire, I ignored her calls. Finally, my legs gave in and I collapsed. I didn't try to get up. I didn't have the strength, or the will. If death would have been coming my way, I wouldn't have moved. "Why?" I shouted, hitting the grass with a fist. Why? How could she have done this? Did she ever love me in the first place? 'You should not worry about her. If she cannot even say that she loves you, than she cannot be more than a friend.' Maybe Rei was right. Asuka had never actually said that she loved me. Only that she liked me. It could mean anything... Of course, I was guilty of the same crime. I never had found the courage to tell either of them that I love them. Yet, I knew I did. But I never told them, fearing that those words may eventually hurt one of them if I chose the other. Could this be only a misunderstanding... 'This time, I'll beat Rei...' No, there was no other way to interpret those words. Asuka was just... toying with me. Like she always did. I felt like crying, but resolved myself not to. I had suffered enough because of my father. I wouldn't cry for another puppeteer. "Damn you, Asuka!!! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you..." * * * "Man, you look awful..." I raised my head, just enough to see that Touji had joined me near the fire. "You should be in Hikari's arms right now, not here trying to cheer me up..." I told him, trying to drive him away. I didn't feel like receiving someone else's pity. "Yeah... But it seems Hikari can't handle alcohol. She fell asleep the instant she laid on her sleeping bag." "It's a shame." "It's not so bad. I know how she feels now. Thanks Shinji." I gave him a puzzled look. "Hey! I'm not an idiot!" said Touji. "I know it wasn't a coincidence we all met here." "It was all Asuka's doing. She just wanted to drag me away from Misato and Rei so the she could use me like the idiot I am." "Maybe... but you... you did this for us, didn't you? So, again, thank you, Shinji." I took some time to analyze what Touji had just said. Then I smiled. "Hey, if this mess can make my best friend happy, then I guess it's worth it." Touji smiled in return. Then, he gave me a serious look, the kind that only appeared on his face when he was worried. "So, what happened?" I explained it all to him. Even the most intimate details. It wasn't like it had meant anything in the end anyway. "If it weren't for the fact that I'd be angry too if I were you, I'd call you stupid. A lot of guys would kill for a chance with that girl." "She can fuck any guy she wants, I don't care..." Without any warning, Touji hit me hard on the head. "Hey!" "Baka! You don't mean that and you know it! Otherwise, you wouldn't feel so miserable over this." As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. "I guess you're right. Maybe that's why it hurt so much. You know, I envy you Touji. Hikari's a nice girl. She's cute, honest and she really cares for you. You won't have a love life as complicated as mine." "Maybe you should let Asuka explain herself..." "So that she could try and manipulate me again? No." For a while, we both kept silent, not knowing what to say. "At least, you still have Rei. There's no doubt that she loves you." "Rei." At the mention of her name, my heart actually seemed to feel lighter. "Maybe you should be happy about this. That solves your problem. Now that things are over with Asuka, then you can go forward with Rei. You did say that you loved them both as much. One or the other... what's the difference?" Those words perturbed me. Was... was it really over? Like this? But Touji was right. It did solve my problems. Didn't it? Suddenly, I wasn't so sure anymore. I used to think that I loved both of them equally. But was it really the case? What if... what if I loved Asuka more than Rei? "Say, you're not going to sleep outside, are you? You can sleep in our tent if you want." "No, I don't want to impose." "Really, Shinji..." "I'll stay here, Touji." Realizing he wouldn't change my mind, Touji left. He quickly came back from his tent, holding a sleeping bag. "Here. At least you won't catch a cold." "And you? What will you do?" I asked, worried. "I'll manage, don't worry. At least I don't have to worry about the rain or the wind." "Thanks, Touji." Touji gave me a proud smile. "Hey! What are friends for?" Then a serious expression showed on his face again. "Shinji... We live in a crazy world. You should know that better than any other. Whatever decision you make, don't wait too long. Because if you do, something may happen and you could regret it. Think about it. I've been doing that a lot myself these past hours..." When Touji left, I had indeed a lot to think about. I wished I had brought my SDAT player. It always helped to push any thoughts out of my mind. Damn... * * * I awoke, regretting I did. I didn't know if it was the result of the alcohol, or the fact that I had slept under the stars, but I felt miserable. Well, more than the previous night. I was feeling dizzy, it felt like all my muscles hurt. My mouth felt dry and gritty, like I'd been eating sand. While last night the alcohol had affected my limbs but left my mind free, today the after-effects were just the reverse. I had perfect control over my body. Too perfect. It seemed as if I was oversensitive to everything. Any movement sent a blizzard of signals that slammed into my brain. Nothing was missed, no sensation too small to overload my mind with its buzz. This maelstrom of feelings added to my general feeling of rottenness. I had been betrayed. Again. Betrayed by someone I thought I loved. No. Not thought I loved. Loved. That's what made it so painful. I had nothing left here. The euphoria I had experienced yesterday had collapsed in ash, choking me with its remains. I should have remembered what I'd learned before coming to Tokyo-3: never open your heart. They couldn't hurt you if you didn't let them in. I'd let Asuka in; I thought I could trust her. Instead she'd torn something from me. I could almost hear her mocking laugh. Worse, I could almost see the smirk that must be on her face. I'd seen that same smirk in my nightmares. It was the same as my father's. That hurt most. Painfully, I got up and stared at the sky. It was barely dawn. Awake, but my mind not really focused on what I was doing, I dragged myself toward the lake and, using my hands as a cup, I took a few sips of water, then splashed my face. For now, I tried to bury my pain deep down, like I always did. I found it harder to do then usual. In the process of trying to focus on what was going on outside my mind, I noticed a very important detail I had neglected to see a few seconds earlier. On the ground laid a towel and some clothing. That meant... that someone was bathing in the lake! And since I doubted that Touji wore panties, that someone was very likely female. Okay, it wasn't a problem... I just had to turn around, go back inside Touji's sleeping bag and fake sleep. But part of my mind wouldn't let go of a single thought... it could be Asuka. How pathetic. With all she's done, here I was, almost drooling at the thought of seeing her... Partly disgusted at myself, I raised my head. As I suspected, someone was in the lake. A brown haired girl. Hikari I supposed, as she was the only brown haired girl around. I didn't know if I should have felt relieved or disappointed. Since the girl wasn't facing me, she hadn't noticed yet that I was staring at her naked back. Of course, with the luck I've had these last weeks, she had to turn around before I could decide to do the same and leave. So, when she did, not only did it confirm that the girl was indeed Hikari, but it also gave me a perfect view of her breasts. While the view was nice, I couldn't help but to be overwhelmed by fear. I was dead. If Hikari didn't kill me, Touji would. And I was sure that the dumb smile I had on my face wouldn't help at all... How stupid! "I'm sorry!" I managed to mumble as I quickly turned around and got back to the now dead fire where I awaited my death sentence. It only took a minute before I felt a presence at my back. "Ikari-kun." "Horaki-inchou... I... I..." As I turned around, I forgot any excuses I was trying to say. Hikari was standing just in front of me, only wearing panties and Touji's sport jacket. That last fact caught all my attention. Did they...? As I noticed the overly happy expression on her face, I concluded that indeed these two indeed had... shared some good time. Asuka had been right after all. At least this whole trip wasn't a waste. Asuka... Couldn't she just leave me alone? Why couldn't I get her out of my thoughts? My mind absent again, I didn't react at first when Hikari bent over me and planted her lips on my mine. But when I realized what had just happened... It had been only a very light kiss, but it still shocked me. "Thank you, Playboy-kun..." (2) I stared at her as she left for her tent, humming an happy tune, and kept staring for a whole minute after she had gotten inside, my brain unable to function correctly. I tried to analyze the latest events. Touji and Hikari had apparently slept together. Then, I had seen Hikari naked, but I was still alive. Not only that, but she had kissed me instead of breaking every bone in my body. Surely that girl wasn't the usually shy, sometime bossy Hikari that I knew. Maybe she was still drunk. Yeah, must be it. Satisfied with this conclusion, I decided to completely forget about the last minutes and go gather some wood to start a new fire. It would be breakfast time soon. At least, what had just happened did have some positive side effects. For a few moments, I had stopped thinking about Asuka. And now that I thought back at what I saw a few minutes ago, I couldn't help but smiling. A very small smile, but one nonetheless. "I envy you Touji. She's a nice, cute, normal girl..." * * * Breakfast was nearly ready when Touji and Hikari joined me. I noticed that they were holding hands. For the first time ever, neither of them was trying to hide their mutual feelings. In fact, with the broad smiles that showed on their faces, these two seemed to be in some sort of private paradise. Another fact that surprised me was that Hikari didn't wear her usual hair style. Instead, her brown hair was falling loose over her shoulders. It was a thought that I usually tried to avoid, but this time, I couldn't. Hikari was a very cute girl. I couldn't help but shudder once Hikari finally took notice of me. However, she kept quiet about the previous incident. In fact, she was overly nice to me. Maybe she was just so happy that she didn't feel like being angry at me. I relaxed as I realized that we would simply share an enjoyable meal. And I must admit, even thought I felt a bit depressed, I did have a lot of fun watching Hikari feeding an embarrassed Touji. Soon, we were all laughing. But the laughter died down as soon as Asuka came out of her tent. Hikari excused herself, mumbling something about plates needing to be washed. Touji volunteered himself to fetch some wood for the fire, even though there was still plenty left. I was now all alone with Asuka. Some friends I had, deserting me like rats fleeing from a sinking ship. Asuka stood in front of me. She bore a neutral, emotionless face. I knew I probably had the same expression myself. "Shinji, I..." "Stop." I commanded. "Not a word. I don't want to hear a word. No excuses, no explanations, no insults, nothing." I could clearly see the surprise on her face. And, to some degree, the pain. "Right now, I'm not sure I can trust any of your words." I didn't leave her the chance to reply. I left. She said nothing to hold me back. Good. If she wanted breakfast, she would have to cook it herself. I wouldn't. * * * An hour later, Hikari suggested that we should return to Tokyo-3. We all silently agreed. The fun was over now. We picked up our gear, and left. Asuka, Hikari and Touji headed directly home. However, rumor said that later that day, Touji and the class representative had been seen together in a park, in a very cozy position. They didn't deny the rumors, but rather confirmed them with a kiss right in the middle of a class full of astonished students. I wandered for a while before returning to the apartment. With all my camping equipment, I attracted many curious stares, but I barely noticed. I had some heavy thinking to do. I let my thoughts wander. Mother. She left me. Sometimes all I could remember about her was how much it had hurt when I knew she wasn't coming back. Father. He too, had left, but I'd always secretly hoped we could get another chance. Well, that hope had died recently, and if I hadn't had the two girls to think about, I don't know what I would have done. And now Asuka had left me as well. Not in a physical sense, but emotionally. Left me feeling used, toyed with, controlled. As always. I'm so pathetic... People I loved died. People I loved left me. People I loved used me. Was everyone I loved going to abandon me? No. Rei wouldn't. Rei wouldn't die like my mother. I had the ability to protect her. Nothing would happen to her, I wouldn't let it. She wouldn't abandon me like my father. We each had nowhere else to go. She'd stay with me. And she wouldn't use me, like... like... Damn her! Rei was all I had left, all I could count on. Even if there was no one else, I could always believe in her completely. 'Did Rei tell you her secret?' I banished my father's words from my head angrily. I could trust Rei. I could! She'd never hide anything from me. She was my last hope, and she wouldn't let me down. She wouldn't. She wouldn't... If she did... When I finally got back to the apartment, I was relieved to be told by Misato that Asuka was in her room. I headed toward mine, emptied my backpack of most of its content, then packed most of my clothing. I grabbed my schoolbag, my SDAT player and exited the room. "Shin... Shinji? Where... where are you going like this?" asked Misato, visibly surprised and worried. "To Rei's place, Misato-san. I'm not sure I could handle living here right now." Even though she still looked worried, I could tell Misato felt relieved. She had probably thought I was planning to run away again. I gave a last look around. To think I had started to consider this apartment like home. Now that I felt at peace here, I had to leave. Was this some kind of twisted fate? First, Father had dragged me out of the boring but peaceful life of my uncle's home. Now, I had to leave this place, kicked out by Asuka... I hated my life. "When will you come back?" "I don't know. Maybe I won't come back." ======================================================================= Part 2 - I Love You I woke up, still holding Rei's naked body in my bare arms. Like the previous mornings since I had moved into her apartment. Since Misato wasn't around, the blue haired girl didn't see the necessity of wearing anything in bed. And after the last few nights we shared, I didn't see the point either. As I stared at the ceiling, I thought back to what had happened a few days ago... * * * After putting my things in an empty room, I collapsed on the floor, unable to hold back the tears anymore. I felt sick about myself. I was just a weak little boy. No wonder others used me as if I was just a toy. A toy you could play with, then discard when you got tired of it. Father, and now Asuka. Through the walls, I heard yelling. Two voices I knew very well. Misato was obviously very angry at Asuka. As best as I could, I tried to tune them out. But each time I heard her... I think I snapped and yelled at them to shut up. I'm not entirely sure, maybe I just imagined I did. But moments later, I stopped hearing them. Soon after, I was wrapped in Rei's delicate arms as she tried to calm me down with soft, tender words. I felt safe and warm in those arms and shed on her shoulder all the tears I had kept deep inside myself all those years. I cried myself to sleep. I awoke the next morning to find myself still in her arms. But now I was in her bed, rather than sitting on the floor of the other room. I don't know how she managed to carry me all the way there without waking me up. Maybe I had just been too exhausted to notice. I was startled at first to realize that we were both naked, but soon relaxed, as I realized it felt warm and comfortable. We remained in the apartment all morning. I tried to convince Rei to go to school, but I could never make her change her mind. She just said she wanted to stay here for me, that it was more important than listening to Sensei ranting about Second Impact. While I didn't say it out loud, I was really grateful that she didn't go. She prepared breakfast for both of us. As always, I couldn't help but be amazed at how good she had become in the kitchen. As she handed me a cup of hot tea, she asked me what was wrong. I asked her to follow me in the living room where we both sat down around the low table. Then, I told her everything. As I talked, I noticed the way she frowned a few times. And when I told her what happened in the tent, anger clearly showed on her face. But she quickly regained a calm and passive demeanor. Once I had told her everything, her words surprised me. "I do not think she intended to hurt you." "What?! How can you say that?! She tricked me! She used my friends to get to me!" "Maybe she thought it was the only way..." "The only way?" For a few seconds, Rei seemed lost in thought. "I am not sure. There are many things about her I do not understand. There is a wall around her, a wall that pushes people away. It must be hard for her to try and express her feelings, when all that she knows is how to repress them." Dumbfounded, I stared at Rei as my brain processed what she had just said. Somehow, I knew she was right. Asuka never opened herself. She was like a fortress. Impregnable. Her anger was her weapon, whose purpose was to push people away. In ways she was... like me. However, it couldn't explain what had happened that night. It wasn't just a problem of lack of communication. She had manipulated me. Used me. Used Hikari. Used Touji... "Do not let the past hurt you..." I felt her hand on my arm. Only then I realized that my anger had pushed me to clutch my hand into a fist. Her touch calmed me. "I am here..." I looked at those red orbs below the blue hair and saw how much she cared about me. "I am here for you..." Slowly, she leaned toward me, her gaze never leaving mine. "There is no need to worry about her..." I couldn't resist. Her lips were like magnets. "I love you Shinji..." I lost myself into a long series of deep passionate kisses. But I'm sure that I said the words that came to my mind. "I love you too, Rei-chan." We spent most of the morning locked into a warm embrace. Only in her arms did I felt the calm and peace I longed for. We barely talked. Each time we did, it followed a simple pattern; I would say how much I felt hurt and betrayed by Asuka and Rei simply answered that she would always be there for me. After lunch, Rei left the apartment. I could see that she didn't want to, but she said she had to go for some tests scheduled by Ritsuko. I assured her that I would be all right and told her to go. But before that, I asked if she could get my cello from Misato's apartment. Once she was gone, I tried to lose myself into the music I played. I wasn't very good with the instrument, but playing helped me get my mind off Asuka. All day, I tried to keep myself busy. I started by setting up my new room, which was done very quickly since there wasn't much to do. From a closet, I picked up a futon, a pillow and spare blankets. Rei had bought those under Misato's suggestion, just in case someone would have to use this room. Another example of good planning by the Major. Since I had only brought part of my clothes, setting everything up only took a few minutes. This done, I wandered around the apartment, in quest of something, anything, I could do. But ironically, now that I had shown Rei how to take care of her apartment, there wasn't much to do. Everything was almost impeccable, including the bathroom. I still decided to wash the bath and the toilet, as well as all the floors and windows, just in case. Then I proceeded to make some laundry, starting with Rei's bed sheets, followed by whatever I could find in Rei's wash basket, as well as some of my own clothing. I eventually found myself wasting time organizing the content of her fridge, before giving up trying to be "useful". Since Rei didn't have a TV, I finally grabbed my cello and played for what was probably the longest time in my life. I wasn't sure when Rei would come back, but I still made dinner for both of us. I figured it would at least make more dishes to wash. When she came back, a few hours past dinner time, she found me working hard on my class assignments. Somehow, I had done more homework in a single day then I usually did in an entire month. Rei tried to apologize, but I interrupted her. I was just too relieved to see her back. I fixed a quick meal for her and watched her eat. She couldn't help but blush under my gaze. When it came time to go to bed, Rei seemed disappointed when I walked to the guest room, where I had set up a futon, but didn't say a word. While I felt comfort in her presence, I wasn't sure I really wanted to sleep in the same bed as her. This was how everything had started in the first place... Later that night, I stood against the railing of the balcony, staring out into the night. I had been awaken by nightmares and since then I had found myself unable to close my eyes. After getting tired of looking at the unfamiliar ceiling of my new room, I chose to gaze at a more pleasant view. The night air was cold against my bare arms and legs, but I barely registered it. I just looked in fascination at the numerous lights of Tokyo-3. Tokyo-3... The city that I was defending. Why didn't I care about it? Really, what was there left to care about? Why did I go on? Bringing my head down, I looked down at the road below. It was quite a distance from where I stood on the balcony. I couldn't help but wonder... Would I feel any pain if I were to fall all the way down there? Again, for maybe the hundredth time, I remembered the last part of the nightmares that had plagued my sleep. Asuka was standing behind me, a slight smirk on her face. Then, between laughs, she spoke... 'Baka!' 'Just a toy.' 'A pathetic little boy.' 'Did you really think I could love you?' 'You're so pathetic.' 'A coward.' 'Hypocrite.' 'Meaningless.' 'Worthless.' 'Useless!' 'Why should we care about you?' 'Who could love a boy like you?' 'Who could...?' 'Who could...?' 'Who could...?' I stiffened when I suddenly felt two arms wrapping around my waist and a head leaning against my shoulder. For a brief moment, I was frozen with fear, thinking that those arms belonged to Asuka. But I quickly relaxed as I realized that this was reality and not a dream, which meant that those arms could only belong to Rei. "You will catch a cold if you stay out here much longer," she whispered to me. In the cool night air, I could feel her warm breath against my back. I can't begin to tell how good it felt to me right then. "I couldn't sleep." As I felt her lips against my skin, slowly kissing every inch of my neck, I lost complete interest in any thought that I previously had. I turned around and stared at the blue-haired girl. She wore only a light blue nightgown that left very little to the imagination. I had convinced her to at least wear something when she walked around the apartment, in case Misato or someone else from NERV happened to come over unannounced. She also had on her silver cross, now attached to a silver chain. As far as I knew, she always wore it except when she had a swimsuit or plugsuit on. So far, I hadn't thought about asking her what that cross meant for her. I looked into her red eyes and saw how much she cared for me. In a common accord, our lips met and we stayed locked into each other's arms for what seemed an eternity. "I will make you forget about her..." Rei took my hand and showed me the way to her room. I did nothing to resist. Before leaving the balcony, I looked once more at our city. I had been wrong. There was still something to care about... The next day, I woke up to see that Rei wasn't in bed anymore. A bit worried, I got up went to look for her. I found her in the kitchen, putting the final touch on breakfast. We greeted each other with a small kiss, then she told me to sit down and that she would bring my meal. It felt weird to be taken care of that way. An odd thought then crossed my mind... that was how a wife would act for her husband... well, unless she had a more important job then his. I could barely picture women like Misato or Ritsuko taking care of a husband... well, especially Misato, since she could barely take care of herself. Still, that thought was odd. It also reminded me of what Rei had said a month earlier. 'It should be a matter of time before we are engaged.' This wasn't such a bad idea. If we were engaged, she wouldn't have any reason to go away, right? "Take your time to eat, Shin-chan. I will go take a bath, then prepare yours." "You won't eat?" "I am not hungry. Do not worry, just enjoy your meal." "I always enjoy the meals you cook." Rei blushed, then left. Once she was out of view, I happily started to eat. Asking her to be my fiancee. Could I do that? Did I really want that? Was Rei the girl I wanted in my life? But did it really matter? There was no one else now... I was done eating my miso soup and rice when I heard the doorbell. That was odd. Who would come by Rei's so early? Curious, I went to see who it was. "Who is it?" I asked as I pressed the button for the intercom. "It's me." I felt a surge of anger when I heard the reply. Asuka! That damn little...! Deciding to ignore her, I headed back to the kitchen. But she kept buzzing, and when that didn't work, she started to knock. Very loudly, too. After the fifth knock, I gave up. I had forgotten how annoyingly persistent she could be. "What do you want?" I asked as I opened the door but stood in the opening not to let her in, putting as much venom as I could in my voice. Asuka didn't react at all. Her face was blank, emotionless. She just simply said, "Today's Tuesday." I immediately understood the implications of what she had said. I couldn't believe this girl. How could she dare to ask me to spend the day with her after what she had done? "So what?" I replied, the venom still in my voice. Was it my imagination, or did she actually flinch at bit at those words? Whether it was my imagination or not, part of me actually enjoyed it. "It's over," I added. "Go away." "No!" Her outburst surprised me. Before I could react, she knocked me down to the floor using her elbow, then entered the apartment. "We need to talk!" She didn't seem angry, but rather... desperate. I was confused. This wasn't the Asuka I knew. "Get out." Startled by those words, I turned around to see Rei standing behind me. Obviously, she had still been in her bath when Asuka decided to burst in, as she stood there naked, soap and water dripping on the floor from her hair and skin. Her eyes seemed to burn with anger. Asuka didn't say a word. She just stood there, looking at Rei, then at me, then back again at Rei. The pain became obvious on her features. "I see..." she whispered between gritted teeth. As she said those words, I could feel the hurt in her voice. I also couldn't help but wonder, why? Why should she feel pain in the first place? Because someone else was now playing with her toy? Well, too bad for her. "Get out of my apartment," Rei said in a quiet, subdued voice. Asuka obeyed the order without so much as a word of her usual protest and even closed the door behind her. I could hardly believe it. What had just happened here? I didn't understand anything anymore. Did she...? Did she have feelings for me after all? But in this case... why? 'Maybe she thought it was the only way...' Could that be it? No, that was just too easy... Then why? "I think I will stay here with you today," said Rei, breaking my train of thought, as I stood up. "You don't have to..." She gave me her sweet smile. "I want to." Not bothering about her state of nakedness, she walked toward me and her lips met mine. As my hands wandered on her wet skin, I stopped thinking about Asuka... We spent a quiet day together. I mostly tried to catch up with the school work that I had neglected over the last few months. Rei simply read quietly. Well, until she started to read a few manga she had borrowed from her friend Hotaru. Seeing her giggling is always something that amazes me. An hour after dinner time, both Rei and I were startled by a knock on the door. Afraid it was Asuka again, I let Rei answer. "Hotaru-chan!" "Rei-chan!" I was amazed to see both friends, one of them usually very shy and the other still quite reserved, except with me, hug this way. Rei was obviously beaming with joy, seeing her friend here. The moment she noticed me, the young girl became suddenly quiet. I was probably making her uneasy. "Hello, Tomoe," I said, followed by the warmest smile I could manage. "Hello, Ikari-kun," she replied, her head bowed. I really wondered why this girl was so shy. An awkward moment of silence followed. I was about to retreat to my room, since my presence obviously make everyone nervous, when Rei's friend spoke again. "Ikari-kun... can... can I ask.... can I ask you a question?" If possible, she seemed even more nervous then before. She was almost red with embarrassment. "Er... Sure, ask." "Why are you here at Rei-chan's apartment? Isn't it Tuesday today?" I couldn't help but to groan. Did everybody know? "It doesn't matter anymore which day we are. It's over." The frail girl seemed surprised. "Does that means that you're Rei-chan's boyfriend now?" "Hotaru-chan!" said a blushing Rei. I gave the idea some thought. If I considered the last few days, I could really give only one answer. "I... I guess I am." "Yay!" That wasn't a reaction I expected. In fact, this change of attitude was almost scary... "I won the bet!" said the girl proudly, before realizing that she shouldn't have said that... Rei had a scolding look on her face, while I had a dumbfound look. "A bet...?" "Er... You... you know our classmate, Kuno Minami? Short brown hair, rich family girl?" I nodded. The name did seem familiar. I also remember hearing the Kuno name from some argument Misato had on the phone a few weeks ago. If I was right, Kuno Minami's mother was the owner of one of the biggest companies that worked on repairing the Tokyo-3. Her services were rumored to cost a fortune but, when it came to repairing damage, her crew was supposed to be the fastest. "Well, she started a bet about which girl would be your girlfriend between Rei, Asuka and Hikari." Not those rumors with Hikari again... Well, luckily Touji and her were going out now, so I didn't have anything to fear anymore. Unless Hikari told him about what had happened at the lake. "It seems," continued Hotaru, "that she got the idea from her mother. Minami's mom made a lot of money betting on which girlfriend her sister's fiance would date. Some rumors also says something about bets concerning which boyfriend her sister's fiance would date, but it doesn't really make sense..." "And you bet on me?" simply asked Rei. The girl blushed. "Well... you're my best friend. I had to support you..." Rei's face softened. "That was sweet of you Hotaru-chan." "So, what brought you here, Tomoe?" I asked, trying to change the subject. I still couldn't believe someone was wicked enough to make a bet about my love life... "Oh... I almost forgot." From a bag she carried, she pulled out to big stack of paper. "Here's your printouts." Damn! And I had barely caught up with my past homework... Oh well, it would keep me occupied. "That much in only two days?" I asked, a bit curious. It was, after all, a bit odd. "Well, Sensei is sick and his replacement isn't really interested in Second Impact history." "So we're actually working in class for once?" "Yes. And our homework is really hard..." complained the girl. "Do you need any help?" asked Rei. The black haired girl seemed to beam with joy. "You would help me?" Rei nodded, a smile on her face. "Great! But I left my own homework at my place..." Rei looked at me. In silence, I agreed with what I knew was on her mind. "Then we will go there." After a few minutes, the girls left. Maybe it was a good thing. Some part of me felt guilty about monopolizing Rei here, even if it was her own choice. It was good to see her go out with a friend and classmate like any normal girl would do. School. Maybe it was time that I go back. But Asuka would be there. If I tried, could I ignore her presence? I wasn't sure. But I couldn't really stay hidden here much longer either. Maybe just another day... There were still a few things I needed to figure out. Mainly my feelings for both girls. When Rei came back near midnight, I was still awake, waiting for her. We exchanged brief kisses, then we both headed towards her room. If felt natural this time. * * * "You do not mind if I go take a bath first, do you?" Those words snapped me back to reality. I had been so lost in thought that I didn't even realize that Rei was up. I smiled as I looked at her. She was so cute, her eyes still barely opened, her hair even more a mess then usual. I couldn't help but to give her a deep kiss. She didn't complain, quite the opposite in fact. "What a nice way to be greeted in the morning," she said with a smile. "You know I can do better," I replied with a grin. Rei simply answered back by giving me a quick kiss on the forehead before getting out of bed. "Sorry, but I should really go to school today. Hotaru-chan wanted to meet me early, there are still a few things she needs my help with." I nodded. "It's okay. Besides, I want to leave early for Headquarters, to see if I could find Kaji-san." She nodded. "Yes. I am sure he can help you. If I understood correctly, Major Katsuragi rejected him in the past. He should be able to help you understand. Then, you will see that there is no need for you to let the past affect your life." It sounded reasonable. But even after all those years, Kaji still had feelings for Misato. Would it be the same with Asuka? Was it possible to forget? Maybe. I did have Rei. It was a very good reason to forget... "The more time passes, the more I feel that I can believe you, Rei- chan." She smiled. I watched her gather her school attire, then leave for the bathroom. Only then did I get out of bed myself. Despite everything, I felt rather good. Humming a little tune, I proceeded to go make breakfast. * * * After searching for a while, I found Kaji leaning against Misato over a vending machine. Both of them had a very serious expression on their face, which was quite unusual for Kaji. Some important discussion must have been going on. In an instant, both of them moved away from each other and tried to act casual. They had probably heard my footsteps. When she saw me, Misato seemed uneasy. Something was going on. Probably something I wasn't supposed to be aware of. "Well, I've got to see Ritsuko..." said Misato to Kaji. Then, she looked at me. "Hello, Shinji-kun." "Hello Misato-san." She barely looked at me. She just walked away. Was it because I chose to leave her apartment for Rei's? Well, I'd have to deal with that later. For now, I had other problems to deal with. "Hi, Shinji-kun!" Kaji was now back to his usual cheery demeanor. "Kaji-san... I'd... I'd like to talk to you... about something..." "Judging by the expression on you face, this seems important." "It is to me." The man took a few seconds to think. Then, he smiled. "Very well. But this is not a good place to talk. Come with me, I'll show you something good," he said, flashing that ladykiller smile of his. "I'm a boy," I reminded him. * * * What a surprise! As I leaned over to get a better look, I couldn't believe my eyes. To think that there was something like this, here, this close to NERV Headquarters... "Are these watermelons?" "Don't you think they're cute?" said Kaji, obviously proud of his work. "This is my hobby. Keep this secret from the others. Making something or growing something is wonderful! We can see and learn many things through it. It also brings pleasure." "It also brings pain." For the second time this day, I could see a serious expression on Kaji's face. Probably as serious as mine. "Do you hate pain?" "Yes..." "Did you find what brings you pleasure?" "I thought I did. But it only brought more pain. Now, I don't know..." I couldn't help but think about the last few days. Even now, as I started to feel happy again thanks to Rei, I wondered if it would last. "I see. This is about the camping incident, isn't it?" "You've heard of it?" I asked, surprised. "Yes, Katsuragi told me. A fine mess, really. You want my opinion about this, do you?" I answered with a nod. "Asuka is a complicated girl, but not a bad one. I don't think she intended to hurt you. You should probably give her the chance to explain herself." "That's what Touji said." As I said those words, Kaji seemed surprised, but the expression left his face as fast as it appeared. Strange. "That was wise advice. You should listen to your friend." "But... I just don't know what to do. I... I... I'm afraid to face her." Again, Kaji took a few seconds to think about it. "Katsuragi is leaving for a business trip and I'm supposed to watch over you kids tonight, although nobody sees the point anymore, especially with you and Rei living in another apartment. You could come with me. Maybe my presence will help calm things between you two. You know that you two need to talk, do you? Otherwise, you'll always wonder why she acted as she did." "Yes, I guess we do," I muttered, not enthused at the prospect. The eternally unshaven man smiled. "Good. You kids have synch tests this afternoon. Once you're done, we can have dinner together, then you can come to Katsuragi's apartment with me. I'm buying." Synch tests. I had forgotten. That meant I would see her... I banished those thoughts from my mind and tried to cheer up. "Great!" * * * "Well, Shinji-kun, ready?" "Not really, but it'll have to do." Kaji nodded, then knocked at the door. I could have opened it myself, I still had my keycard, but I guessed it would be better to let Kaji handle this. A few seconds after he had knocked, we heard Asuka's voice from the apartment. "Kaji-san!" So, she seemed to be as infatuated with Kaji as she used to be. That wasn't much of a surprise I guess. The red haired girl opened the door, a wide smile on her face. However, the moment she saw me, that smile faded completely. "I believe you two have to talk," Kaji said simply as he entered the apartment. Both Asuka and I stood still, neither of us daring to make a move, or say a thing. Only when Kaji told us that the living room would be more suitable for a talk did we move. However, once we sat down on, each of us at one side of the low table, we froze again. "Well, while you two talk, I believe I'll go take a bath..." Hearing that, I nearly panicked. Kaji just gave me a small smile and disappeared into the bathroom. Only then did I again turn my attention to Asuka. Well, here I was now. Shouldn't I ask the question that had been plaguing my mind since that night? How hard could it be? Very hard, apparently, as the words kept dying in my mouth. Each time I was about to do something, the visions of the dreams that I kept having at night came to my mind, putting a stop to any attempt to speak. What would be the use anyway? She would just laugh at me. But... as I looked at her... The Asuka I had before me was nothing like the one I dreamed about. This Asuka just stared at the floor, not knowing what to say, not daring to look at me. This was not an Asuka I knew... "Why?" I finally managed to say. Thank God! Okay, now the ice was broken, the ball in her court. Asuka took her time before answering. She seemed very nervous. A few times she seemed about to say something but stopped, biting her lip. It was an unusual sight. "I... I... I didn't know what else to do... I... I didn't intend things to go that way. When... when I said I wanted Touji and Hikari to get together... I really meant it! That was my goal at first. But quickly... I... I realized the possibilities. Once those two would get together... that would mean... that we would be left on our own. Alone. Without Misato or Rei to interfere. Just a moment for us... only us." "So we could have sex without them knowing!" I shouted, unable to keep calm, not even taking the time to fully analyze what she had just said. Asuka shook her head. "No! I didn't think about that! I swear! It just... I feared that night... that it wouldn't last! We would have a good time, then the weekend would be over... and then... then... we would be back here in Tokyo-3 and... the next day... you... you... would be back in her arms! Like you always do!" Those words struck home. I finally made the connection I had failed to see. As I saw tears flowing freely from her eyes, I felt her pain in my heart. "Do you realize how much it hurts?!" she continued, slightly shaking as if she were about to burst into tears. "Do you know how it feels to hold you, at night, knowing that the next day you'll hold her in your arms instead of me?! Do you know how I feel when we're eating together at school and that you look at HER instead of me?! I... I... I was desperate... I knew that... in the long run... I'd lose you. I'm only good at piloting EVA... That's the only thing I can do and I'm not even the best at that anymore. Her... she cooks like a chef... while I barely know how to make instant. She cleans, does the laundry, her apartment always sparkles... here, I expect you to do all those chores and my room is a mess. She's good at school... do you know that she's our class's top student, even though she misses half the classes? I can barely keep up because I can't understand all the kanji... me... a college graduate... how pathetic..." There before me, from this girl who'd never shown anything but self assuredness, was a catalogue of failures. I couldn't believe it. Asuka was the toughest person I knew, and definitely the most stubborn. I'd never seen anything but self confidence emanate from her, and hearing her words drove home just how much I expected it. More than expected, because in its own way I'd found her arrogance comforting. I know it sounds strange, but seeing the imperious way she acted, I secretly hoped that one day I might be able to deal with my doubts the same way. To have that kind of courage. And now I watched as she did a wonderful job of tearing herself apart. I'd thought once before that she was a lot like me, by pushing people away... but I'd never imagined this. It was distressing to find out how much we really were alike. I was living one of my worst nightmare. As I had feared, my indecision had hurt one of them. I felt really ashamed of myself. It... it was all my fault. All of it. I was the one to blame. Like always, I was the source of my own misery. But I had blamed her... I had been mean to her. I even hated her. And now... whatever self-esteem I had began to shrink at an exponential rate. If it was possible, Asuka's expression darkened. It felt as if a knife had suddenly been thrust into my heart. "If it was only that... but... she's nice to you. She takes care of you. I'd bet she'd do anything you'd want her to do! She'd probably die for you if she had to! And she's almost as beautiful as me!" The tone of her voice dropped. It suddenly felt almost empty. All you could feel from it was despair. As I watched, she seemed to shrink in on herself. She wrapped her arms around her chest tightly and drew her legs up. "But worse... she loves you and isn't afraid to show it. So, tell me Shinji... how can I expect to win against her? I have no chance... no chance at all... so I thought... that if we shared something you two didn't have yet... maybe you would... It was a stupid idea." "Asuka..." Her face was now bowing low, her eyes, partially hidden by her red hair, were closed. I didn't know what to say. I felt overwhelmed by Asuka's words. So she truly loved me? "I can't blame you for choosing her. Anybody with the slightest bit of common sense would make that choice." "Asuka... I..." She interrupted me. Well, sort of. I really wasn't sure of what I wanted to say. What could I say? Even if she truly loved me, I still had feelings for Rei. "Don't worry Shinji. So far, I've lived on my own, by my own, only for me, only for my own values and my own satisfaction. I don't need you, or anyone else for that matter. I... I don't want to be lonely anymore. If I could... I'd rather be with you then be alone. But it's too late now. And besides... half of your heart is not enough. If I can't have you all to myself, then I'd rather not have you at all..." "Asuka..." She raised her head and looked at me. I could see sadness in her eyes, yet there was something else. It almost seemed as if she suddenly felt at peace. A hint of a smile appeared on her face, a kind of smile I had never seen before. Despite the situation, the only thought that crossed my mind at that moment was that I had never seen anything as beautiful before. "It's okay. I can manage on my own. You be happy with Rei... Shinji... I... I love you..." This said, all that remained of her strength collapsed and she retreated to her room. She had just said that she loved me... she loved me... I wanted to go after her, but a strong hand grabbed my shoulder. I was surprised to see Kaji, still in his clothes and his hair obviously dry. Apparently, he didn't took that bath after all. "Leave her alone for now. She needs time to think. You need some too. You shouldn't make the same mistake you did before and make rash decisions again." While my heart commanded me to go after her, I understood his words. I nodded and Kaji released his hold on me. Then, a wide grin appeared on his previously serious face. "Well, well... I didn't expect her to actually say it. If things weren't so complicated, I'd congratulate you, Shinji-kun. Not just anybody can claim that girl's heart. So, what will you do now?" I didn't know. I really didn't know. More then ever, my thoughts were a mess. "Go to school tomorrow, I guess. Then, we'll see what happens..." I was about to leave, but suddenly changed my mind. I wasn't sure that facing Rei now was a good idea. "Kaji-san? Would you mind if I stayed here tonight. I think I could use a bit more advice..." "I don't know if I can be of further help, but I will enjoy your company, Shinji-kun." "Thank you..." ======================================================================= Part 3 - The Fourth Children It was still early in the morning when I left Misato's apartment for Rei's. I had wanted to leave the apartment before Asuka would be up and I wanted to get to school early. That way, I could at least avoid Asuka until there. Now, with everything cleared up, I knew I had no reason to try and avoid her. However, I felt uncomfortable with what she had told me. She loved me. But she told me to be happy with Rei. This was so confusing. Did... did she really love me that much? So much that my own happiness was more important to her then hers? But... did she really love me? This could be another trick... I drove those thoughts out of my head. Those tears I had seen were real. She wouldn't have cried if she had wanted to trick me. She wouldn't have seemed so hurt inside. No... her feelings were genuine. But... what were mine exactly? How did I feel about her now? And how did it compare to my feelings for Rei? I sighed in frustration. How did things get so complicated? Oh, yeah... because I made the stupid decision of trying to date both of them... A surprise was waiting for me when I entered Rei's apartment. Rei was up, already in her school uniform, finishing setting up the table for breakfast. "Your bath is ready, Shinji. By the time you are finished, your meal will be waiting for you." For a few seconds, I stared, eyes wide. "I have surmised that you would want to possibly avoid Sohryu this morning, so I prepared everything for you." Was I so predictable? In any case, this was a sweet thought. I smiled at her. "Thank you, Rei-chan." Happy, her face softened and she smiled back. "Go take your bath. You can explain to me what happened yesterday night while eating." I nodded and walked toward the bathroom. Minutes later, I came back clean and wearing fresh clothes. I then proceeded to explain everything to her between a few bites. While she didn't seem to react much, I could tell that Rei wasn't pleased with these latest turns of events. I had gotten better at reading her expressions in the last few days. I didn't expect her reaction however. "Please... stay." "Uh?" I said, confused. "I know that when you came here, it was to avoid her. Now, you do not have any reason to avoid her anymore. Still... I am asking you to stay here... with me. This... this... is... the... the first request I have ever made in my life. Please... stay with me..." Here, right before me, was Rei... pleading for me to stay with her... Rei... a girl I believed even stronger willed than Asuka... "These last days... you were happy, were you? Why leave? So... please..." She looked so fragile... so beautiful.... I... I simply couldn't refuse. And I owed her. She had been there when I had needed her the most. I just couldn't leave like that. Otherwise, it would be as if I had only been using her. Like my father used everyone. "I... I'll stay with you, Rei-chan..." I wasn't sure it was a good idea. But then again, here or at Misato's... both places would make any choice difficult. 'If I can't have you all to myself, then I'd rather not have you at all...' At least Rei wanted me here. It was probably for the best after all... Then, why did it feel like I was betraying Asuka? Why did I feel this dull ache? Was there anyway I could ever be happy? "Shin-chan!" She took my hand into hers and held it tightly. I guessed that she would likely have hugged me if a table hadn't been between us. She looked so happy... it made me feel so good. Yes, that was for the best. I would stay here... with Rei. Smiling, I got up and took her in my arms. She held me tightly. I was surprised to hear a faint sob. Was she so happy that she was crying? As I looked at her face, I dried two lonely tears with a finger. Then, we kissed. Not a deep kiss, but rather a soft, tender one. The guilt I had felt almost instantly vanished. * * * Life is ironic. That morning, Rei and I tried to leave early to avoid Asuka. What did I see when exiting her apartment? Asuka, coming out of Misato's. We both froze upon seeing each other, Asuka as much surprised as me. It seemed that she wanted herself to avoid me. For a second, I wondered if this situation wasn't a consequence of our synchronization training. "Shinji..." said Asuka as I spoke her name myself. Yes, definitely some side effect of our synchronization training. An awkward silence followed. "We should leave if we want to be on time," said Rei, apparently deciding to take the situation into her hands. Without a word, we rode the elevator downstairs, then headed on our way to school. This lasted probably five minutes until Asuka finally broke the silence. "Wonder Girl..." We all stopped walking. As Asuka seemed tense, I deduced that she had something to say. Something probably related to what had happened the night before. Rei looked at her, an odd annoyed look on her face. "Shinji chose to be with you. Fine, I can live with that..." As she spoke, Asuka gained back her confidence. "But you better watch out, Wonder Girl! If I feel that Shinji's unhappy, I'll take him back!" For a moment, Rei just stared at Asuka, without reacting. Then she answered. I must say it was totally unexpected. Before replying, I could swear I saw an evil grin on her face. "Do not worry, Demon Girl. Shinji will be happy with me. I will not harass him, nor will I take advantage of him and certainly will not do anything to hurt him... like someone else did." I gasped at Rei's words. She acted so... so... Asuka-like. No, even worse... this... this wasn't my Rei... I expected Asuka to be offended by those words, but instead, she turned her head away, as if she couldn't stand Rei's gaze. "I see. Forgive me... Ayanami. Take care of him." I couldn't believe my ears. Asuka was... apologizing... to Rei? Did I just miss something important here? "Well, don't want to be late for school..." This said, Asuka ran away. I just stared at her departing figure, confused. "I just made sure that she understood that she should not bother us anymore. And I also showed her how unpleasant it can be to be called names," Rei tried to explain, noticing my confusion. "Still... I don't understand how she could give up so easily..." "Because of you." Because of me? "Come, we should go." Without really thinking, I followed her. * * * I didn't know what to make of this new situation. Again, without much protest, Asuka had just accepted my relationship with Rei. But what exactly was my relationship with Rei? Thankfully, we got to school quickly enough, so I managed to put those thoughts aside for the moment. As both Rei and I took our places, I noticed in amazement that we were actually the first to arrive. Strange, where was Asuka? Soon, other students came. Most of then, I didn't know. They were just familiar faces, nothing more. I smiled as Hotaru came through the door. I frowned when I noticed a short brown haired girl; Kuno Minami. For a few seconds, I mentally debated about telling her about the displeasure I felt concerning her bets. I was getting close to gather the courage to face her when suddenly I noticed someone walking toward her desk. Asuka. "Hey! Kuno!" The brown haired girl raised her head from her laptop to look at the redhead. A slight grin appeared on her face, almost as if she had just spotted a defenceless prey. Which was quite odd, since I knew that Asuka was anything but defenceless. "What can I do for you, Asuka-chan?" "Here." Without saying more, Asuka pulled out a wad of yen from a pocket and handed it to the girl. She seemed a bit surprised for a mere second, then her eyes narrowed and her grin widened as she took the bills. "What for?" "Cause I lost the bet," simply said Asuka as walked toward her own desk. These were simple words, but they had an enormous impact. It only took a few moments before all eyes were focused on me and Rei. Our increasing blushes answered everyone unspoken question. "My God! It's true! "What?" "Whaaaaaaaa... I'm ruined..." "Shinji you lucky dog!" "I knew it! I knew it! "Does this mean we can date Sohryu now?" "So did you two do it?" "I'm soooo jealous!" "Damn you, Ayanami! "Ikari! You bastard!" Half of the class had gathered around my desk, the other around Rei's. However, Rei used her usual emotionless act and just ignored everyone to stare outside the window, so everyone turned toward me. I just tried to tune out all those voices as well as Rei seemed to do. Not paying attention to my classmates, I noticed Hikari entering the class. It immediately struck me as odd. Hikari was always one of the first students to arrive, not the last. And that expression on her face... she seemed... worried. Something was wrong, usually Hikari was very cheerful, except when she was acting as the Class Representative. From the look on Asuka's face, I could tell that she too found Hikari's behavior out of the ordinary. Quickly, the girl observed the whole classroom. Then, she looked in my direction. It almost seemed as if her eyes were locked on me. As she walked toward my desk, I expected her to tell everyone to behave and go sit at their places. She completely ignored the other students, in fact, she shoved a few of them aside in order to reach me. She almost looked... desperate. "All of you. Return to your places. Now." Everyone in the room seemed to freeze in astonishment. Rei had just addressed the whole class, something that never happened before, as far as anyone could recall. While her words had been said in a very normal tone of voice, they had as much impact as if Hikari had been shouting orders. Without a word, everyone left, leaving me alone with Hikari. Obviously, Rei had noticed as well that Hikari had a problem. "Horaki-inchou, can I...?" "Ikari-kun! Have you seen Touji?!" Touji? Why would Hikari be this worried over Touji? Did... did something happen? Now it was my turn to be worried. Strangely, I noticed that Rei had gasped when she heard his name and for a moment, she seemed perturbed, before hiding everything behind her usual cold expression. What was going on here? "Everyone! Out! Now!" shouted Asuka. Apparently, our classmates had become very interested in hearing Hikari's question. However, fear of the Legendary Wrath of Asuka Langley was enough for most to forget about their curiosity. The others were almost literally kicked out by the said Langley. "This seems serious, so we may as well do without all the gossip," said Asuka in a severe tone. "We've got a few minutes before Sensei shows up. So Hikari, what's the problem?" "Touji... Touji disappeared..." "Disappeared?" "Yes... I... I can't find him anywhere... he's not home... he's not at the hospital... Kensuke hasn't seen him since school yesterday. Ikari-kun... did you see him this morning?" "No... but... you know... Touji always get here late. He'll probably show up..." "But..." "Is there's something you're not telling us, Hikari-chan?" asked Asuka, her eyes narrowed by suspicion. "Well..." Quickly, Hikari turned completely red. "When is the last time you saw Touji?" asked the redhead, still with an inquiring expression on her face. "Er... well... maybe... maybe... around... one... one in the morning..." "One in the morning?!" I gasped. "What were you two doing together at such an hour?" Asuka groaned. "Dummkopf! (*) Really Shinji... just look at the way she's blushing. I'm sure even *you* could guess what they were doing together..." Quickly, the gears in my brain went into work. Then, the answered appeared, amazing me by it's simplicity. I quickly felt my cheeks burning, as I understood the implications and constructed many scenarios in my mind. "Oh!" An awkward silence followed. If possible, Hikari's blush increased. "He... he came to my place last night... I wasn't expecting him. He... he didn't look well... he looked... worried. When I asked, he told me everything was all right, but I didn't believe him. I... I hugged him... I wanted him to feel that I was there... for him. And then... one thing led to another... I really wasn't sure I wanted to listen to that. But Hikari seemed to need to talk about it. So I just continued to listen. "We... we had decided to wait... for a while. I was scared and wasn't sure I wanted that. But... it felt so good... feeling him so close. And I wanted him to feel better..." I tried to hide my surprise. I was sure those two had done it back at the lake... "So you...?" asked Asuka. Hikari nodded. Both Rei's and Asuka's interest in Hikari's story seemed to increase. "When... when I woke up... he was gone... without a word. It... it's not like him to do something like that. So... so I tried to find him... but I couldn't... I'm... I'm so worried! What... what if... what if he never liked me? What if he only wanted to...? And now that we..." "No way!" I said firmly. "Touji isn't like that and you know it." "Yeah. You told me yourself it was his gentle side that you loved," agreed Asuka. Hikari nodded and wiped a few tears. Rei put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a small smile. "Do not worry. I am sure everything is fine. Maybe he had something important to do and forgot to tell you." "You... you think so?" "He is strong willed. Nothing will go wrong." Both Asuka and I eyed Rei curiously. Something was odd here. Rei had talked as if... she knew something. But if she did, why didn't she say it? I gave her an inquiring look. She just smiled, then walked back to her desk. Soon she had returned to gazing at the view through the window. "Rei..." I whispered. An unsettling thought selfishly pushed Hikari's problems out of my mind. Could Rei really... hide something from me? Soon, our classmates came back. I noticed that Kensuke was among them. He looked really depressed. This got me worried, but before I could ask what was going on our sensei arrived and classes began. As Hotaru had said, this sensei's classes were not focussed on Second Impact, so I found myself so busy trying to follow that I couldn't find the time to talk to Kensuke through our school internal mail. Guess I would have to talk to him at lunch time. I looked at Touji's desk. Empty. Were Hikari's worries genuine? I tried not to think about this for now and listen to Sensei. Didn't I have enough problems of my own? Why should I worry about my friends problems as well? I groaned. Why was life so complicated? * * * Seeing that Rei and Asuka were taking care of Hikari during lunch time, I decided to join Kensuke. He had isolated himself, looking as depressed as when he entered the class. Not really knowing how to approach him, I opted for asking a straight question. "What's wrong Kensuke?" The boy barely raised his head to acknowledge my presence. "It's not fair! Why, Shinji? Why didn't they choose me as the pilot of Evangelion Unit-03?" "Uh?" I stared, confused. "Evangelion... Unit-03? There's no Unit-03..." This brought Kensuke back to life. "What to you mean, no Unit-03? It arrived from the United States yesterday! They'll be doing the activation tests at the Second Experiment Installation in Matsushiro today! Don't tell me you don't know!" A fourth EVA unit... Well, that would explain why Kensuke was feeling so down. "No... I didn't know... I haven't been talking much with anyone lately. Hey? Matsushiro you say? So that's why Misato's had to go there!" An activation test. Maybe that's why Misato had been avoiding me the other day. Maybe she was afraid I might get worried. After all, Unit- 00's first test did result in Rei getting hurt. Still... "I'm so jealous," said Kensuke. "I wonder who's gonna pilot it? Touji, maybe? He's absent today..." I stared in disbelief at Kensuke's comment. "Touji? No way! Nobody would give him an EVA!" Touji? Piloting an EVA? No way! I knew that even if he had forgiven me, he still hated the EVAs for hurting his sister. He would never ride one. And unlike Kensuke, he seemed to have understood that piloting EVA only brought pain... "It probably had a pilot already, like Unit-02," I added, although I really didn't know about that. "Probably some American guy..." Kensuke went back to his depressive state. Damn! "Makes sense..." I had to try to cheer him up a bit... "I'm sure the guy isn't as good as you would have been." "You think so?" "I'm sure." I lied. Evangelion Unit-03. Why didn't anybody tell me? * * * As we came back from lunch, I noticed that Rei was clearly agitated. Instead of looking at the window, she just kept glancing at our class clock every five minutes. Asuka seemed to notice Rei's odd behavior as well, as she gave her a strange look. Rei either didn't see it or simply ignored her. Suddenly, our classes were interrupted by the ringing of three cell phones. Everyone froze and looked at us EVA pilots. Asuka seemed excited as she picked up her phone. Surprisingly, Rei seemed uneasy. She just glanced at the clock for a few second before finally picking up her phone, her hand shaking. I did the same thing, but I didn't really need to do it to know what was going on. A loud siren soon confirmed it. An Angel... * * * We were quickly picked up from school and rushed to NERV, then to our lockers. As we rode the elevator that would lead us to the EVA, I could hear Asuka muttering something like "This time I'll kill it..." as if it was a mantra, before running toward Unit-02. Unlike Asuka, Rei walked out of the elevator calmly, an air of peace on her features. I froze as I tried to make a step forward. For some reason, I couldn't help but have this strong feeling of dread. Something bad was going to happen. I could feel it. Maybe I was just scared, as the events of our last battle came to my mind, but still... the feeling was there. Rei walked toward me and put her gloved hand on my shoulder. I looked at her and saw a worried look on her face. "I can't help but to think that..." "Do not worry," said the girl, cutting me off. "Sohryu and I will take care of it." I could now see determination on her face. "But if..." "Then do not hesitate. Whatever happens, fight our enemy. You must. Please... take care of yourself..." Her lips brushed against mine. Then, she was gone. 'Whatever happens, fight our enemy.' Those words... it sounded as if she already knew what we would be up against. Rei... why those secrets? * * * "An accident at Matsushiro?" I gasped. "But... Misato's there! What...?" "Contact has not been restored yet," Rei said simply. My God! Then we didn't know if... No, I didn't want to think about it. Misato was surely all right. "So... what... what shall we do?" Asuka's image appeared. Naturally, she seemed annoyed. "What are you whining about? We don't have time to worry!" "But we have to fight the Angel on our own..." We always had relied on Misato's orders. Without her to guide us, I felt... lost. As if I was asked to fight that Angel with a blindfold. "Commander Ikari is taking direct command for now." "The Commander is...? Father was going to lead us. The feeling of dread I had felt before came back stronger than ever. * * * Inside the entry plug, I waited for our orders, now that we had all taken position. Curiously, I was designated as the last EVA to intercept the Angel, so it meant it would have to get through both Unit-02 and Unit-00 to reach me. That was odd. It was the first time I was assigned as backup. Over the comm, I heard both Shigeru's and Makoto's voices. "The target is approaching." "All units, stand by for ground battle." I gasped as I saw the said target on the viewing screen. There was no way to mistake the shape. It was an EVA... "What? No way... an Angel? You mean that's an Angel?" "Correct. That's the target." I cringed as I heard my father's voice. "The target? But... it's an EVA, isn't it?" Could it be... the Evangelion Unit-03 Kensuke had talked about? It would explain the accident at Matsushiro... "Gott im Himmel! (*) I can't believe it! Was it taken over by an Angel?" Asuka sounded slightly worried. I couldn't blame her, I felt the same. Then, suddenly, a disturbing thought occurred to me. "Is it piloted by a kid, just like the other units? Someone my age?" That was a disturbing question. If someone was inside, what should we do? "What?!" exclaimed Asuka "You think it's piloted by someone? What the..." I heard her scream just before all communications with her EVA ceased. "Asuka? Asuka!" I was really worried "Eva Unit-02 was silenced completely," announced Makoto. "Pilot has ejected. Salvage crew is on the way." Thank God! She was all right! "The target is moving toward Unit-00." Unit-00... Rei... This time, it's my father's voice I heard over the comm. "Rei, avoid close combat, and stop the target." "Hai." (*) A few silent seconds passed. Nothing. Then I heard my father again. "Rei. Fire on the target." "I... I cannot." What the...? Rei was actually disobeying one of Father's orders? "Rei!" Through the comm, I heard Rei scream. I felt anxious. Not Rei too! Silently, I hoped that she would be all right. 'Do not worry. Sohryu and I will take care of it.' She had seemed pretty sure of herself. She probably would be okay. But Asuka had been easily defeated... After some time, I heard Maya's voice. "Mid-level damage to Unit-00, and the pilot has been injured." "Rei!" My heart was racing. Rei was injured! I clenched my teeth. That goddamn Angel! It would pay! But... the enemy was also an EVA. My anger died down as fast as it came. "The target is approaching," said the Commander. "Contact within 20 seconds. Take care of it." "You say it's the target, but isn't there a person inside?" I asked, although I wasn't sure if I was asking the Commander or myself. "A kid my age?" I stared at the black EVA as it came closer and closer. My finger was ready to hit the weapons trigger, but my hands just kept shaking. I couldn't do it. I couldn't attack it without being sure if someone was inside or not... Suddenly, it jumped at me. The speed of the attack took me by surprise. Before I knew it, my EVA was lying on the ground. As my EVA stood up, I got a good view of the other EVA's back. There, I saw it: a white entry plug, apparently stuck with a weird bluish substance. "An entry plug! There's someone inside it!" The black EVA was still on the ground on all fours when suddenly, its arms extended to an unbelievable length and its arms caught Unit- 01's neck. Unit-01 was lifted off the ground, then thrown over a hill. Then, Unit-03 squeezed. It was an odd feeling. I felt an almost unbearable pain. I had trouble breathing. But still, I somehow stayed calm, just staring that the black EVA. "Shinji, why don't you fight?" asked the Commander "There's a person inside, I think." "It doesn't matter. It's an Angel. Our Enemy." "But I can't do it. I have to save the pilot! I can't kill a human!" How could he expect me to kill someone else? What kind of monster was he? "You will die." "I don't care! It's better than killing someone!" Suddenly, everything went dark. The pain and pressure against my throat died down. This could mean only one thing: they had cut my synchronization with the EVA. I wondered... what happens next? I was startled as red light flooded the interior of the entry plug. An odd whirring sound filled the air, much like the turning of a turbine engine. My head swung around at the sound of a computer terminal switching on. But I couldn't really see anything. "What the hell are you doing, Father?!" I knew I had sworn to myself not to call him that ever again, but in situations like these, you often forget such details. Then, to my surprise, I felt the EVA move. Slowly, I saw it raise its arms, then it grabbed Unit-03's neck, the same way it was holding Unit-01's. Then it started squeezing. Quickly, it became obvious that Unit-03 was suddenly losing the battle against Unit-01. Then, suddenly, in a sickeningly sound, Unit-03's neck snapped. I stared, horrified, as I watched its head roll limply forward and its arms fall from Unit-01's neck to hang loosely by its sides, like a lifeless, broken puppet. A single thought came to my mind. The pilot! If I had felt the pain while Unit-03 was squeezing Unit-01's neck, then what had just happened to the pilot... could he... my God! No! But this was only the beginning of the horror. For a few seconds, Unit-01 squeezed even harder on the other unit's neck, then it twisted itself around and slammed Unit-03 on the ground, hard. Furiously, it brought its fist down on the black EVA's head. It literally exploded in a shower of red blood, metal and bones. Teeth flew in one direction, an eye in another. Paralyzed, I just... watched. I don't know how I managed not to be sick at that sight. A single though kept repeating itself in my head in an endless cycle: "The pilot! We're killing the pilot!" I only reacted when Unit-01 started to completely dismember it. The shower of blood seemed endless. Arms were forcefully broken and thrown away. Unit-01's fist pounded without rest the other EVA's chest after its armor plate had been pulled out violently, destroying every organ, covering everything with blood. With all my might, I pulled the controls, trying to stop the EVA, but to no avail. "Stop it! Father, no! Please stop doing this!" No answer. The EVA just kept hitting and hitting and hitting... like a beast hungry for blood and destruction. "Damn! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!..." I was now crying. Helpless and crying. Suddenly, I stopped hearing Unit-01's pounding. With a flicker of hope, I raised my head. But soon hope became utter despair. In it's hand, Unit-01 held the other EVA's entry plug. The white cylinder shook under the pressure of the EVA's fingers. "Aaah! Stop it! Make it stop! NOOOO!" The gigantic hand clenched shut. LCL poured from the now twisted plug. I screamed in horror. If any hope had subsisted, it was now gone. The pilot was dead. I... I... I had killed a human being... I was a murderer. Those hands. The hands of my EVA. My hands. My failure to stop the beast... Again, I cried. * * * "Shinji..." Misato's voice. It took me out of my daze. I was still crying, but my brain refused to think. I couldn't... if I did... my God! What have I done?! "Misato-san... you're okay..." Part of me felt relieved. Only a small part of me. The other part was still obsessed with what had just occurred. "I... I'm sorry. I... I had to tell you something important, but..." She sounded weak. And she did truly sound sorry. But I barely noticed. "Misato-san, I've... a person... I've killed... my father... I begged him not to..." "Shinji, I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Over the comm, I noticed Maya's voice. "Report from the entry plug salvage crew. Survival of the pilot confirmed!" These words hit me hard. Alive! I raised my head, full of hope. Alive! So I hadn't killed the pilot! "He's alive?!" Over the comm, Misato continued what she seemed to be struggling to say. "The pilot of Unit-03 is... the 4th Children is... I looked down at the twisted form of the entry plug. Indeed, something seemed to be removed of it. I zoomed the image. My heart stopped... A boy... a boy in a dark plugsuit... a boy I knew well... "Touji?" I think Misato started to call my name over and over again. I'm not sure. I stared at the boy. He looked hurt. And the content of the entry plug. It was red. Not yellow as LCL, but red. Red as blood. Touji... Touji! I screamed. Then my mind went blank. * * * Why? Why Touji? Why did he have to be hurt. This was a question that I kept asking myself. I tried to ask Father too, but I was denied an answer. Even as I threatened to destroy HQ, the only answer he gave me was knocking me out by increasing the pressure within the entry plug. I awoke in the infirmary, then was escorted into a prison cell. I stayed there for a while, until I was escorted to my father's office. No, the Commander's office, I mentally corrected. My father had died a long time ago... I regretted the fact that my hands were held behind my back by handcuffs. As I looked at him, I would have liked to put those hands around his throat, as he had forced my EVA's hands to strangle Touji's. It wouldn't matter much. I had came close to killing Touji. Who knows, maybe he had died at the hospital. So, why should another murder matter? But it wouldn't really be a murder. He was after all more a monster then a human being. The Commander spoke. "Disobeying orders. Personal occupation of an EVA. Crude intimidation. These are all criminal acts. Do you have anything you want to say?" Oh, there was a lot a wanted to say. A lot. Countless insults came to mind, a few in German, thanks to Asuka's influence. But I kept quiet. It would be a wasted effort. The man didn't care. He didn't care about anything. "I won't pilot EVA ever again." "Very well then. Leave." I nodded. Then, against my better judgment, I asked the question that plagued my mind since I saw the broken entry plug. "Why him?" The Commander surprised my by answering. "Because it was convenient." The son of a bitch! If looks could kill, I would have killed him a thousand times over. Without waiting for the security agents' indications, I turned around and left. "You are running away again. You disappoint me. I assume we won't meet again." "For your sake, we'd better not," I said, my seriousness surprising myself. Ikari Gendo... how I had wished to see you dead. * * * Lying on my bed in Misato's apartment, I stared at the ceiling. What now? What could I do? What would happen? If I didn't pilot EVA, then my purpose here had come to an end. I no longer worked for NERV. I was not sure I could be allowed to live here or at Rei's. I wasn't sure I wanted to stay here either. This place reminded me too much of NERV... the EVAs... Touji... Touji... Misato had told me that he had been saved and he even had regained consciousness. But he had been badly hurt. His left arm and leg... (3) too damaged... they had to... no! Dammit! Dammit! NO! Silently, I felt the tears slowly soaking my cheeks again. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair! Touji did not deserve this. I would have wanted to shut my mind off. But I couldn't. Instead, it was spinning with images and memories. I saw Touji, glaring at me for hurting his sister. Unit-01's fist descended, the black skull cracking under the force. There was Touji, demanding I go all out and hit him. The spray of blood from a torn leg painted a building with a gruesome arc. Touji, bugging me about looking at Rei in her swim suit. Unit-03, the final shudder as its neck collapsed. The blood rushing to his face as Hikari shyly presented him with her chocolates for Valentine's day. The blood rushing free from the neck of Unit-03, trying to feed the decapitated head. My best friend drooling over Misato when she leaned over to pick up a file from the floor. Internal parts, like intestines, tossed carelessly over a traffic light. From them a liquid dripped down to the street, turning the ground red. Touji, giving me a friendly smile. Broken bones, pieces of metal, shredded scarlet flesh; the remains of Unit-03. My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. I ignored it. I didn't want to see anybody. Almost silently, the door slid open. Out of the corner of my eye, It was her. Rei... "Shinji." Her voice seemed neutral, but I knew that she felt uneasy. Good. She had reasons to be. "Why?" I asked. "You knew, didn't you? Why didn't you tell me?" "It would not have changed anything. You did all you could do to protect him. Knowing who was the pilot would not have changed the outcome." I promptly sat up and gave her a hard glare. "That's not what I mean! You knew before, did you? You knew when Hikari came to me that morning, looking for him, did you?" "Yes." "Since when?" "Monday. Since he was chosen as the Fourth." I felt my anger rise. My hands clenched into fists. "Why?! Why didn't you tell me, dammit?!" "It would have worried you. I... I did not want to add this to your pain." I jumped to my feet and without thinking, grabbed her shoulders with all the strength I could and slammed her hard against a wall. While she hadn't reacted, the tears that fell from her eyes attested that it had hurt. But I didn't care. I didn't really realize what I had just done. "Dammit, Rei! You should have told me! I... I could have convinced him not to pilot! Touji... Touji knew... he knew how much pain EVA can bring... he would have understood... you... you hypocrite! You're no better then Asuka! While you were saying that you wouldn't hurt me, you kept that secret all to yourself. You're no better than her!" "I... I am sorry..." said Rei, tears in her eyes, still a bit dazed from the impact against the wall. "This doesn't change anything!" I yelled. Rei seemed to shudder in fear. "Even if I had wanted to..." Rei tried to explain, "Commander... Commander Ikari... had ordered me... not to tell you..." Father! The mention of his name only increased my rage... "I don't give a damn about that bastard's orders! He's not God! He can go to hell for all I care! Is it how it'll always be? Will you always choose him over me?" Confusion and pain showed all over the girl's face as she tried to answer. "I... I..." "Do you care more about him than me? Just say it, you don't really love me, do you?" "No!" It came out as a strangled cry. Tears poured down freely in her satin white skin. I didn't give a damn. "Then why... why didn't you tell me? WHY?" "He would not... have changed his mind. His sister... NERV promised to take care of his sister..." His sister... He did this for his sister... I felt suddenly weak. I might have fallen if Rei had not caught me. She dragged me back to the bed. My fault. It was all my fault. "It's my fault... I failed to take control of the EVA... Father... my hands... he used me to harm Touji. And now... you say he piloted because of his sister? It's... it's all my fault! If I hadn't hurt his sister in the first place, none of this would have happened! Touji wouldn't have piloted! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!" Rei took me into her arms. But for the first time ever, her touch didn't bring me any comfort. "It is not your fault. Suzuhara's sister was hurt because she neglected to reach a shelter and because your EVA went berserk. You had no power over this. Nor did you have the power to stop Unit-01 from destroying the Thirteenth Angel. It is not your fault..." I stood up, freeing myself from Rei's embrace. "You don't get it, do you? It's my fault! If I had acted differently... if I had been willing to fight against the Third Angel instead of being frozen in fear... if I had tried to stop Unit-03, maybe pull the entry plug out..." Rei shook her head. "You could not. Unit-03 acted too fast. You would have had to fight back... and it would have brought the same result." "You don't know that!" Rei bowed her head for a moment, then she raised it again. I could see fear in her eyes. She was shaking. She tried to speak, and almost failed, but still managed to say a few words. "If... if you need someone to blame... blame me..." I gave her a confused look, not understanding what she meant. "What do you mean?" She just lowered her head, unable to look at me. "Answer!" I shouted as I grabbed her shoulders again and shook her. "The data... the data from the system that took over... the dummy plug system... it... it came from me... so in essence... it... it was I... who fought against Unit-03..." "You?" This killing frenzy... this hunger for blood and destruction... Rei? Such a thought... I couldn't handle that thought. Not able to look at her, I exited the room. I was about to leave the apartment, run away from Rei, when I almost bumped into Hikari as I opened the door. I stared at her in disbelief. "Ikari-kun!" Then, she burst into tears. "Ikari! They... they won't tell me anything! I've learned from his father that Touji was hurt in the last Angel attack, but nobody knows any more then that! He's not even at the hospital! I'm... I'm so worried..." I froze as I heard her words. I looked at her. The fear and hurt in her eyes... the tears... Then, before I knew what was going on, she was in my arms and crying again my shoulder. This sent me over the edge. I didn't think about anything, I just reacted. I pushed her away, as if she was some sort of monster. Then I ran. I ran away. I couldn't face her. Not her. Not knowing that I had hurt Touji. That I had tried to kill him. That because of me, he would never walk again like any other man would. I had almost killed... the man she loved. I ran, without knowing where I was going. * * * I was standing on a small hill outside Tokyo-3, looking at this city. This accursed city. Because of it, my friend had been hurt. I didn't want to do anything with it. But... I didn't want to leave either. I... I had nowhere else to go. And leave, would mean never seeing Rei or Asuka again. Rei... did I really want to see her again. 'If... if you need someone to blame... blame me...' I... I just couldn't. As much as I tried, I couldn't. This... this was my responsibility to bear. "You are in pain, are you?" Startled, I turned around to see a girl my age, bearing a warm smile. She wore a white sundress and her shoulder long white-gray hair flew with the wind. One thing that surprised me was how pale her skin was and the color of her eyes: dark red. Could this girl be related to Rei? I had never seen her before. I shook that idea out of my head. As far as I knew, Rei had no family. It was probably just a coincidence, just someone passing by. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, so I just tried to ignore her. "It must be hard on you to know that you could not do anything to save your friend. The human heart is fragile this way." I gasped and turned around to face the girl. "How... how do you know?" "I just do." The girl seemed about to leave when she spoke again. "Piloting EVA can only bring you pain. The Fourth was only the first to be hurt. The First or Second could be next. You should leave while there is still time. Otherwise, you will be destroyed along with those you love. It would be a shame." Who was that girl? What did she mean? Did she mean that Rei and Asuka could also be hurt because of me? Was it possible? If it was, how could she know that? "Who are you?" The girl just walked away. I thought she wouldn't answer my question when I heard her voice again. Barely, because of the distance, but still, I could hear her. "Call me Kaoru... Nagisa Kaoru." (4) [To be continued...] Next time: The One I Love Is... Chapter 7 - Awakening Omake: - Scene 1 - Of course, my brain lost to my hormones, so I raised my head. As I suspected, someone was in the lake. A brown haired girl. Hikari I supposed, as she was the only brown haired girl around. Since she wasn't facing me, she hadn't noticed yet that I was staring at her naked back. Of course, with the luck I've had these last weeks, she had to turn around before I could decide to do the same and leave. I stared, utterly shocked. For a moment, I didn't know whether I should feel surprised, or disgusted. To think I had found her cute... My brain decided to solve this dilemma in a convenient way. I fainted. "She's a boy..." I muttered before blacking out. Poor Touji. When he found out he'd been glomped by a guy... - Scene 2 - Shinji had cried himself asleep. Softly, Rei caressed his hair. This seemed to work wonders on the boy as his face relaxed. Rei didn't know exactly what had happened, but simple logic suggested that it was related to the camping trip, therefore Asuka. She felt an odd feeling, something she wasn't accustomed to yet. Anger. She felt anger toward the girl who could hurt her Shinji in such a way. "Sohryu." Just whispering her name gave her a bitter taste in her mouth. As the boy snored lightly, she looked around her. She would need to set the room up. It wouldn't take long, but she was reluctant to let the boy go. Then, a thought occurred to her. A chance. She smiled. Had he been awake, Shinji may have been startled by such a wicked smile. As she dragged the boy to her room, Ayanami was quite surprised to see that the boy didn't wake up. He was sleeping so soundly... Her smile widened. The boy didn't react either when she lifted him on her bed, nor when she removed his clothes. She stopped at the last item. Her hands were shaking. She didn't know if she should... But the curiosity was too great. She removed it. Her eyes flew wide open. One pale hand flew up to her mouth, covering the lower part of her face. For a long moment there was silence in the small room. Then, despite all her self control, a small sound broke from between her fingers. A strangled giggle. Before she knew what had hit her, she was laughing loudly, biting down on her fingers in an attempt to keep the mirth from overwhelming her. She couldn't help it. She knew it was bad... but she had to laugh... She had problems comprehending why. For some reason there was a bit of disappointment in her, but it was certainly nowhere near as powerful as the mirth. Finally quieting down to a silent chuckle, she wiped away a few tears. Sighing like she was a bit let down, she quietly muttered, "How unfortunate... like father, like son." Somewhere in NERV HQ, a blond haired scientist would have agreed. - Scene 3 - The black Eva was still on all fours when suddenly, its arms extended to an unbelievable length and caught Unit-01 by the neck. Unit-01 was lifted off the ground, then slammed into a hill. With fantastic speed, Unit-03 then drew Unit-01's face in close and opened its growling mouth. "Shinji!" the black mechanical giant demanded. "Is it true you saw my Hikari naked?!" Hearing this, Unit-01, the pride of NERV and mankind's only hope, started to sweat nervously. Author's notes: (1) This is only a slight cameo, no mystery there. Some of you may have recognized the Hotaru I briefly described as Tomoe Hotaru, from Sailormoon. I considered using Mizuno Ami instead, but the Hotaru "before Chibi-Usa" felt more appropriate. (2) Inspired by a scene in DNA2. I couldn't help but to include that little quote here, considering Shinji's recent, and future, relations with the NGE female cast (you guys! stop drooling, that's not what I meant by "relations", you hentai! - I knew I shouldn't have put that lime scene in Part 1... ^_^ ). No, in Part 1, Touji and Hikari didn't go all the way, as Shinji imagined, although it came close. I'd like to think that it would take more than one night for them to get that deeply involved. Besides, as Hikari said herself, despite his rough exterior, Touji's a nice, caring guy. Probably enough not to risk getting Hikari pregnant. However, as indicated by Hikari, this changed before the activation test of Unit-03. Guess Touji followed his own advice: 'Whatever decision you make, don't wait too long. Because if you do, something may happen and you could regret it.' About Shinji and Rei you ask? That is a secret. You may discover later whether they went all the way or not... Unit-03 and the Fourth Children. Why did Shinji and Asuka not seem to know anything about that. Well, Shinji isolated himself for a few days and Misato avoided him, so he never learned about it. As for Asuka, in the series, she learned about the Fourth Children why trying to get Kaji's attention. However, her mind is on Shinji now. So she never went to see Kaji, therefore she never learned about the Fourth. (3) I know this point is slightly controversial, but no matter how many times I looked at that scene, I just could come to only one conclusion: that left arm isn't there. Unfortunately, unless they've added something in those numerous editions of "Death/Rebirth" and "End of Evangelion", we don't get to see Touji later. So I decided to follow the trend we usually see and have that arm removed. It just bring more drama ^_^ (4) Kaoru... Some of you are probably displeased a bit by my little twist. There's nothing I can do about it. While I could still have used the Nagisa Kaworu we know, I find that a female Kaoru gives me more possibilities to mess up my little love triangle even more. Just to be sure everyone understands, this is still Nagisa. The origins, his/her motivations and his/her feelings will basically be the same, although since I may have to improvise a bit: we don't really see Nagisa much in the series after all and it makes a full analysis of the character a bit more difficult. The idea of a female Nagisa came from visiting NGE pages. In one of those, I've discovered that Kaworu could be spelled either "Kaworu" or "Kaoru". In my mind, it felt weird (I had always spelled it "Kaworu"), since for me "Kaoru" somewhat referred to Kamiya Kaoru (I'm a big Rurouni Kenshin fan). So, here I was, looking at Kaoru on my RK poster, pondering in the use of her name on males and females when the idea struck me: why not change that bishonen gray-haired jerk (my apologies to the Kaworu fans - I don't really mean that) to a girl? The potential was great, mainly possibly really having a (love?) relationship between Shinji and Kaoru. And it's original. Initially, I had planned on using Mana from "Girlfriend of Steel" as a graphic model. After many days of reflecting on this, I finally decided against it. While using Mana would have been very convenient, a lot of people who knew about the character were either confused or not really comfortable with that change. I'm not that stubborn, so while I keep Nagisa as a girl, I modified her appearance for a more conventional one. I had comments that Rei was quite OOC (out of character). I'm not much surprised. However, keep the context in mind. For more then a month and an half, Rei has been learning to experience emotions, to recognize them and to express them. So I believe it would be natural right now that she would be more "alive" then initially. Also, you will notice that so far, she seems to express those emotions to only three persons: Ikari Shinji (her love), Asuka Langley (her rival - source of emotions like anger, jealousy and hate) and Tomoe Hotaru (her friend - to show that Rei can find more in life then just Shinji; Hotaru's loneliness, similar to the one she felt without Shinji, was what attracted her). Rei acts more or less like the old Rei with anybody else. She hasn't developed a bond with Misato as Shinji and Asuka did. When she gave "support" to Hikari, she mainly did it to calm her down, so that Shinji wouldn't be worried over his friend. She still doesn't interact much with her class. In fact, Shinji is still basically the core of her life. While she express herself more, it's mainly because of him (Hotaru being the exception, the awakening of her individuality). Some will have noticed, I've put an "Assisted by" note at the beginning of this chapter. Darren graciously offered his help in commenting and writing a few scenes for me. Think you can find them? Just look for a wider range in the vocabulary... Thanks, Darren! Thank you very much! --- Translation notes: Inchou : You may be more familiar with Touji's use of 'Class rep'. I'm not certain it's how you exactly translate it, but that's what ADV used. Dummkopf : Simpleton Gott im Himmel! : God in Heaven! Hai : Yes Alain Gravel rakna@globetrotte.qc.ca July 18th 1999 Started on April 15th 1999 First pre-reader draft, Part 1, revised on May 28th 1999 First pre-reader draft, Part 2, revised on June 13th 1999 First pre-reader draft, Part 3, finished on June 26th 1999 Second pre-reader draft finished on July 9th 1999 Final draft finished on July 18th 1999 Final revisions on March 10th 2000