Kevin Shiue <shiue@andrew.cmu.edu>


Note: I have only seen up to episode 16 of this series.  And knowing that
it has many surprises in the future, I may not be consistant with the
latter portion of the series.

Evangelion is copyright of Gainax, and this work is in no way meant to
infringe upon that.

Comments and suggestions to: shiue@andrew.cmu.edu

Blank Reflection
by Kevin Shiue


My name is Ikari Shinji
I don't remember much of my childhood,
As the amount I do recall
Is somewhat on the bizarre side, and I
Do not recall anything before my
Turbulent adolescence

Perhaps I was traumatized,
Perhaps I had an injury

Which caused this amnesia:
This I do not know.
What I do know is
My dreams are haunting me.
The pain and agony in my head
The darkness of my soul I see,
When I peer into myself and gaze
At the inner sanctum of my mind.

My heart is a rope,
Tied around my neck,
Constricting my breathing,
As the beating hardens
And deepens
And my head spins.

My dreams are not dreams, but nightmares.
I am enclosed -
Embraced, restricted beyond recognition,
As my soul is forced,
pushed,
shoved
Into the small shape of who I am,
My identity.

My mind is melded
To that of I do not know.
It is a power
Higher than myself
Plane higher than myself.
Myself:
An interesting concept.

I am as unique as Rei.
My thoughts reside in turmoil,
In chaos, as I
Remember what I have done, and who I
Was.
Unique?

I remember very little.
I remember the
Evangelions.
01.
The artificial number assigned to an artificial being of which I
Knew nothing about.
Know nothing about.

I was one of the chosen ones.
Lucky, some may say.

They are wrong.
They are right.

There is luck.
Not of good kind.

Torment, after torment.
The Angels' souls, existent?
I did not know.
I do not know.

What of the Dirac Sea?
The darkness envelopes me,
Takes me in.
Eats me.

What of my emotions?
I thought I had.
I thought I had
	Emotions.
I did not.
I do not.

Agony.
That is emotion.

My agony, my Self.
Speaks
To me, and me alone.

Alone?
Alone?

I am not alone.
Rei is here.
Is she?

Is it truly her?
What is Rei?
Do I know?
Do I care?
I did.
I do.

Questions outnumber answers.
Problems outnumber solutions.
One important question remains,
As one important problem continues:

Why?
Me?