From: Lara Bartram http://www.thekeep.org/~lara/ {Shin Seiki Evangelion/Neon Genesis Evangelion belongs to Gainax, Hideaki Anno and Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. The use of their material in this work is not intended for profit, and shall not be used in that way.} Two Salarymen on the Fringe by Lara Bartram --------------------------- Yui's eyes opened slowly and were greeted by the red digital numbers of her clock. They were informing her that she should have been to work a half an hour ago. She tried to sit up quickly, but the large metal spike through her head kept her pinned to the pillow. Yui groaned and let her eyes close again. Why had she let Kaworu fill her glass up so many times? Why had she filled her glass up so many times? And all after she had already missed a day of work. Missing another would not look good on her record. She rolled over and her arm flopped across a body in bed next to her. The breath caught in Yui's throat. She had consumed a lot of alcohol, and she remembered... sort of remembered falling asleep, but it was so fuzzy. She couldn't be sure of any of it. In fact, she was so _un_sure, she was afraid to see who was there. Partially it was in finding who she thought it might be, but also in finding that she didn't know who it was at all. If it was who she thought it was, it wasn't so worrisome as it was embarrassing and disappointing. To be drunk to such an extent that they... and she couldn't remember at all. It was just... "Expecting someone else?" "Kaworu! You scared the hell out of me!" snapped Yui, managing to sit up finally. Her heart was hammering away in her chest. "Oh, so you _were_ expecting someone else. I'd ask who except I know." The boy smiled mischievously and slid out of the bed. "What were you doing in my bed anyway?" "Just keeping an eye on you while you were asleep. Didn't want you to throw up and choke on your own vomit." "Kaworu!" "But if you did, would you give me your blessing to try and--" "No!" Kaworu grinned back at her. "How do you even know what I was going to ask?" "Because I know you, and I know what you would say to try and get under my skin." The boy's grin grew wider. "Yes, it worked." She sighed. "He... he was here though, right?" "Of course. It was so cute. I wish I had a camera, especially when he got undressed and then ripped your--" "Kaworu!" "Oh, you're no fun." Kaworu stuck his tongue out at his aunt and then entered the bathroom. Well, he had been there. Yui got out of bed slowly, trying to shake the fuzz out of her brain. Giving tours with a hangover... Staying home was better than that; doing anything that made the studio look bad like that was immediate grounds for termination. That was something she couldn't afford. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" she called to Kaworu as she got to her feet and hobbled over to her dresser. "Why would I? You were perfectly content sleeping," he answered. "Because I can't miss another day of work!" Yui swept aside all the personal knick-knacks that decorated the dresser in an effort to find whatever it was that she was looking for, which she couldn't even remember now. Breaking down into tears was what she really wanted to do; too much stress. "Why would you miss another day of work?" Kaworu asked, and stepped out of the bathroom. He was dressed in his absolute most expensive bishonen finery, including electric blue silk shirt, open most of the way; black hip-hugger jeans with flared bottoms; and black suede, square-toed shoes. "Because it's 8:30! I'm supposed to be at work at 8!" Kaworu giggled, which earned an infuriated look from Yui. "Oh dear." He giggled again and covered his mouth with his hand. "You work at 8 in the morning." Yui stared at him, only partially because of his outfit. "It's 8:30 at night!" Yui froze, staring in the mirror with her disheveled hair and bloodshot eyes, and then stated swearing a blue streak. "Dammit, that's not funny! God, I thought I was fired, you little shit!" Kaworu burst out laughing. "I can't believe you thought... That's hilarious! Oh, you and your... acquaintances are such an endless source of amusement. Well, I'm off for the evening! Don't tell my mother where I am!" He waved and sauntered off. After a few moments, there was the sound of the door opening and closing, and Yui was alone. "You little shit!" *** Kozo finished off his beer and indicated he wanted another. After everything that had happened, it seemed things didn't really change. Here he was in the bar down the street, drinking endlessly with his friend until it was time to stagger home. At least he could hold his liquor, something he couldn't say for Gendo. "...so beautiful... wanted to have her right there..." The older man sighed. Yui had forgiven Gendo, and that wasn't really something he could argue with, especially since Gendo was far too horny to ever try to manipulate her. The man was simply a brick. With hormones. What you saw was what you got. Whatever Yui saw in him, she wanted. Whatever she saw in Kozo, she found uninteresting. The bartender set another glass of beer down, and Kozo went at it like a man dying of thirst. When it was empty, he set the glass down and stood up. With his hand raised and about to slap Gendo on the back, he paused. For being such a uncharming, uncouth, sex-obsessed nitwit, Gendo somehow had an angel looking out for him. With his head down on the bar, mumbling here and there, but almost asleep, Gendo somehow managed to tilt his glass toward his mouth, simulating consciousness, to avoid getting tossed out. What a lucky asshole. "Come on, Gendo. Time to go." Kozo shook his friend's shoulder. "Let's go. You're paying." "...go again? I'm too tired, Yui..." What wonderful dreams he must have. Kozo shook Gendo's shoulder a bit harder. "Come on, dumbass. Yui's naked--" "Where?" Gendo asked, sitting straight up and looking completely awake and sober. "Your dreams back at your apartment. Come on. And pay the bill." *** Yui picked up the phone and put it down again. Kaworu was gone for who knew how long, which meant she would have privacy for a while. This was her chance. She picked up the phone, then put it down again. It was too embarrassing; she couldn't. *** Ritsuko picked up the phone. She listened and heard the shower running. With Maya occupied, Ritsuko could call who she wanted. She started to dial the number when the shower turned off. Hastily, Ritsuko hung up the phone and threw herself on the couch, snatching up a magazine to appear as casual as possible. *** Yui picked up the phone again. She couldn't talk to him at work; there were too many people around, too much gossip that would be made of it. This was really the only way to resolve and explain what had happened. It was still too embarrassing though, and Yui put down the phone again. *** Ritsuko could hear Maya humming in the bathroom. She got off the couch and tip-toed over to the phone again. Maya was still humming; she was probably covering her face in that green goop that she claimed maintained her youthful appearance. The girl was only 22! If she didn't have a youthful appearance, Ritsuko would have been worried. Throwing continual glances down the hall, Ritsuko dialed the phone. "Sempai." Ritsuko slammed the phone down and opened the mini-bar. "Just fixing myself a drink, Maya!" "I was wondering if you'd seen the kelp, cucumber, watermelon, carrot, potato, wasabi body oil," Maya asked loudly, just poking her head out of the bathroom. "No, I haven't. Sorry," In truth, she had thrown it away. The stuff smelled like a garbage bag and looked like refrigerated snot. "All right." *** Yui watched more old American television reruns with the phone clutched in her hand. Sometimes her fingers would feel the buttons on it, traveling the pattern of numbers that would call Gendo. But she didn't dial. She let her mind be numbed by the television in hopes that later, she wouldn't even be aware that she was embarrassed. Not yet though. Not just yet. Maybe another episode of Greatest American Hero and she'd be ready... *** Maya walked back and forth between the bedroom and the living room, doing this and that, chattering happily as she did so, while Ritsuko eyed the phone. She was such a busybody all the time; she never stopped and did any one thing. Sometimes it annoyed the hell out of Ritsuko. How was she, a known television star, supposed to live the social life she deserved if Maya kept looking down on everything she did, every person she brought home? If Maya only gave him a chance, Ritsuko thought she'd at least get to like him. Maybe she wouldn't want to join in or anything, but she at least wouldn't be such a bitch. As it was, Ritsuko sat and read a magazine as Maya bustled about, glancing periodically at the phone. *** Gendo leaned heavily on the railing and breathed deeply of the night air. He began counting backwards from a hundred to avoid throwing up, and once again swore off drinking. His stomach heaved ominously, then settled for the most part. Gendo waited a moment to make sure his stomach was really settled, then pushed away from the railing and crossed the street to his apartment building. Gendo entered the "lobby" and went for the stairs. Only four floors, but it would have been so much easier if the elevators had been working. As it was, they had been out for at least a week and no repairman had been spotted in the vicinity. He could predict the hell he'd feel in the morning. The construction started before he woke up, the pounding matching the throbbing of his head, while the sound of heavy machinery attacked his hyper-sensitive, hungover hearing. One floor was hard. Two floors was painful. Three was a nightmare. Four was hell, especially knowing what he'd be returning to. Gendo trudged down the hall, pausing once to lean against he wall heavily and allowing it to shed paint chips on him. Throwing up in the hallway would have been bad, but it probably wouldn't have been the worst thing ever splashed on the floor. Continuing slowly down the hall, he saw the overflowing mail slot that indicated his apartment. Bills and junkmail; what was the point of checking it if that was all he ever got? It was sad that even his increase in pay didn't allow him to move out of the rundown building, at least in his eyes, since that reduced his opportunity to "entertain" and act as a proper host to his friends... friend. "Home, shit home," Gendo mumbled as he went to unlock the door of apartment 402, only find it was unlocked. Well, not that there was anything in the place to steal, which was the absolute best spin he could put on the whole situation. Inside, he kicked off his shoes, crossed his one room, tossed his glasses on a small end table, then did a faceplant on the bed/couch/only available seating. Almost immediately, he was snoring lightly. *** Unable to stand it any longer, Yui dialed the phone if only to give her something to do besides watch bad television. *** "I need some diet Poke Sweat. I'll be back in a minute." Maya, dressed in a pair of sweat pants, a white shirt, and a red sweatshirt, headed out of the apartment. The moment the door closed, Ritsuko was dialing the phone. She held it up to her ear and waited. *** *bzzt*bzzt*bzzt*bzzt* *** Yui looked at the phone, frowning. A busy signal. Her lip quivered, and she hit the disconnect button. He was probably on the phone with... with that reporter, and that was fine with her because he was an adult, even if he didn't act like it most of the time, and he had the right to call whoever he wanted even if she was a big slut who just wanted the attention and didn't really know him at all or care about his feelings, and was just going to use him and throw him away like some used tissue, and not ever consider that there were other people that were getting older by the second and whose mothers were insistent about them getting married and starting a family, and were so desperate that even a man like Gendo was good enough for that, because he could be sweet when he wanted to, but was usually just oblivious to her feelings and didn't mean to hurt her, which Kaworu had convinced her of, but now Yui wasn't so sure because she was really really hard up for a man. Yui hurled the phone across the room, then hurried to see if it was broken. He might call. *** Ritsuko's lip curled in a sneer. A busy signal. He probably had the phone off the hook while he was with whoever that Yui person was that he mentioned. What a pig. Well that was fine. She still had Maya; she didn't need him. For now. *** There was a knock at the door, and efficiency expert Misato Katsuragi could pretty much guess who it was. She sighed and set aside her knitting to answer the door. With her hand on the knob, she could almost smell his cologne through the door. Misato opened it and said insincerely, "Hello, Ryoji." Kaji, still dressed in his expensive suit with traces of perfume clinging to it, stepped inside and kissed her cheek. "Hi, babe. What's wrong? You look like you're in a bad mood." "What do you want?" "Ouch, such a cold reception. Where's my snuggle-bunny? Aren't you going to greet me?" Kaji stood there, a big smile on his face and his arms open wide, as he turned his charm full blast on Misato. "You said you were going to call three days ago. It's three days later than that." Misato crossed her arms over her chest and gave the man a displeased look. "Work, babe. You know how that is. I had to smooth over the situation with the director and those two idiots he promoted. They think they can just sit there and laugh at me, but they're not out of it yet. I can still get them. And when I do, they're going to know what the meaning of suffering really is. They'll wish they were in the mailing room, sifting through the garbage to make sure no one is trying to sneak anything out. My name will be a curse on them until the day they die, and if they think their new little project is going to--" "Ryoji, shut up. You understand that I'm the efficiency consultant for the studio, right?" Mistao said evenly, still standing near the door with her arms crossed. "Yeah, I know. And you do a wonderful job of it. Have I ever told you that?" "No, but my point is that you telling me how you're going to fuck over your co-workers isn't going to earn any points on the studio's next efficiency evaluation. And trying to sway me with sex isn't going to work this time." Misato tried to remain steely-eyed, but the shocked and hurt look on Kaji's face softened her. "Are they really so bad? They're just trying to get along like everyone else..." Kaji crossed the dimly lit entryway and put his arms around Misato's waist, gazing into her eyes with a passion born of ego and lust. "Yes, they're that bad." He suddenly scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. *** Shinji sat on his sister's bed and watched her with excitement in his eyes. "And then he handcuffed you?" Asuka frowned. "Well... no. I handcuffed myself, but he didn't try very hard to get them unlocked!" she answered. "He's some sort of child molesting pervert." "Oh, he's not that bad. Besides, he's seeing that woman, and her nephew is just the cutest thing in the entire world. His hair was downy soft, like it was spun from clouds. And those eyes... so hypnotic. His skin was--" "I get the point! I don't want to hear about your homosexual fantasies right now!" Shinji smiled almost sinfully. "Oh? Maybe you didn't dislike being handcuffed to him as much as you say you did. Maybe that's it." "No! I hated it! He's a pervert! And a wuss! He's a bigger wimp than you, Shinji." "You know, not all men can be as strong and manly and hung like a rhino like your beloved Kaji," Shinji answered sourly. "Besides, he's pretending to be involved with Inspector Katsuragi, and you know how much Father dislikes her." Asuka snorted. "Who cares what Father thinks? And Kaji's just with her to help the studio. He doesn't love her or anything." "Just like you didn't enjoy being handcuffed? Asuka whopped Shinji with her pillow. "You didn't say no. What was it like when he carried you? Did he put his hand on your ass?" "SHINJI!" *** Fuyutsuki entered his small apartment and yawned. Either the days were getting longer or he was getting older. As much as he would have preferred the change in the earth's rotation to the alternative, he didn't think it was so. Before he curled up in the corner of his tiny kitchen with oven on and door open though, he planned on getting some money out of Project E; he didn't want his association with Gendo to be completely worthless for all those years. Gendo, who acted more like a boy than a man, and annoyed the hell out of Kozo, except for those days when they really were friends, which were far more often than not. Trips to the bar where they could moan pitifully about their horrible jobs and wasted lives, and... more trips to the bar. God, he couldn't even remember his life before Studio MicroNax and trips to the bar. Did he even have a life back then? Did he have a life now? *** "Did he violate you?" Asuka hit Shinji with her pillow again. *** Yui held the phone, a look of grim determination on her face. This was no longer simply a phone call; this was a battle. What exactly she was battling for, she wasn't sure, but she was going to call Gendo, and nothing was going to stop her. *** "Did he kiss you? Did he try to use his tongue?" "Shinji! Stop!" *** The phone rang. It continued to ring. And longer yet. It rang and no one answered. Yui, looking pained, hit the disconnect button and set the phone down gently next to her. It... hurt. A lot more than she thought it would, even more than his behavior with that reporter woman. She thought that they were on their way to something after that incident, but now... She simply didn't believe that he was still out with Kozo. No, he was out screwing around with another woman. And though her thoughts bubbled with rage, her face showed nothing except hurt. *** "Hello?" Gendo listened as the phone on the other end abruptly disconnected. "Jerk," he mumbled and reached to hank up the phone. Somehow, it was under the bed, which had been easy to answer, but now was not so easy to hang up. He stretched his hand out, trying to find the cradle. He stretched a little further, then slid off the bed and landed directly on his face on the floor. At least he had managed to hang up the phone in the process. And with that, he fell back asleep on the floor. *** "I see that look in your eyes. Whatever was going on, you liked it. Maybe he brushed his hand against your overdeveloped bust, or said something that you took in a vaguely sexual way, and now you're all randy over it. That's it, isn't it?" "Shinji, don't make me kill my only brother." Shinji smiled. "That _is_ it! Ooh, do you feel all tingly inside, and now you can't wait to see him again?" "No! I hate him! He's sick!" "My dear sister, I thought you were more mature than to act like an elementary school child. Don't you know, that's how children show their affection for one another: it's displayed as dislike and even physical violence. It's the cutest thing... my sister's in love." "You die now." *** No, this was not the end. She was going to continue to call and let the phone ring as long as possible until he answered it, and then she was going to give him a piece of her mind! And he was definitely not going to like that. If he even cared. Yui stabbed at the buttons again with righteous fury and held the phone up to her ear. Oh, he was going to be in so much trouble, he wouldn't know what had hit him... "What is it? I'm trying to sleep?" Gendo answered grumpily. "Why didn't you call me?" Yui yelled into the phone, tears immediately running down her cheeks. "I tried to call and it was busy, then there was no answer. I thought you were out with that woman again and hated me! I know I should have been awake when you came over, but it was all Kaworu's fault for making me drink so much, and now I'm hungover and crying and have been watching too much bad American TV!" "Uh... who is this?" "It's Yui!" "Oh! Oh, right." ... "Well?" "Well what?" "Aren't you going to offer to come over or something? Comfort me? You know, stuff like that." "I... guess so." Yui sighed. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought... you know." There was a brief silence except for a faint grinding noise. "I'll be right over!" Gendo said excitedly, then hung up the phone. Yui looked at the phone in confusion, then shook her head. "I didn't mean _that_." *** "And then--ow--he took--ow--your dress off--ow--and made you--mmph mmr mmphrr!" Asuka briefly removed the pillow she had placed over Shinji's face only to see him still grinning like a fool. "You're just jealous," she growled, and covered his face again. *** Inspector Misato Kaji. Mrs. Kaji. No, it just wasn't working for her. She could do better in life, she was already doing better. Maybe it didn't make her popular with men, but she led a clean lifestyle. She knew about the rumors, rumors made by jealous office ladies who wanted a bit of Kaji themselves, but she didn't care. If they wanted Kaji, they could have him. The dog wouldn't be any more faithful to them than he was to her, and she was the one he was proposing to. "Ryoji, I won't marry you," she said loudly enough so he could hear. "That's cool, babe," he answered, entering the bedroom toweling his hair dry. "Maybe some other time." Misato sighed. It didn't seem that she would ever get married, and her quest to adopt a child from some generic impoverished nation wouldn't make her a very good prospect either. But that didn't matter to her in the long run. Helping the world in whatever way she could... That's what was truly important to her. She wanted children of her own, but... when there were so many that needed a good home, she had a hard time justifying the desperate search for a man she could call her husband. Children. Ryoji's children. The thought almost made her laugh. The man was only responsible enough to get his hair trimmed and suits dry-cleaned... He would probably fall over and die if a baby ever spit-up on him. *** Yui straightened her apartment up. She knew how fast Gendo could move, half-asleep or not, when he thought he was going to score. Maybe... But no, she couldn't. They hadn't even officially been going out; she wasn't going to sleep with him so soon. It wouldn't be proper. But she cleaned up while wearing a blush. She found, as she continued, that she picked up around the main room four times, rearranging pillows and books each time, and dissatisfied with it each time. This was ridiculous, but she couldn't help it. It didn't matter how clean the place was; she was doing it only to keep her mind off things. And that meant that her mind had already made certain decisions about what was going to happen. These weren't expectations, but definite things, even if Yui didn't openly consider them. Yui finished situating her SD Gundam figures just _so_ when the bell rang. Oh, there was no doubt that was him. Straightening her clothes out and running her fingers through her hair, Yui hurried over to the door and opened it without hesitation. She eeped when she was engulfed in a crushing embrace. "Gendo, no!" she commanded as she might speak to a naughty dog. Yui got one hand on his face and pushed it away as he tried to kiss her. "Stop!" Yui yelled and broke free. Gendo stumbled backwards, hitting the door and shutting it. Yui stepped backward until her legs hit the couch, her eyes focused on the almost maniacal Gendo and a touch of panic hit her. This wasn't something that she had predicted would happen. Gendo was always such a wimp; how could she have seen that he was a sex maniac? Well... "Gendo, I didn't invite you over here to have sex," she said evenly, trying to reach the part of his brain that wasn't consumed by sex. "I just wanted to talk." That got his attention, and he blinked at her. "Talk?" "Yes," Yui affirmed and stepped over the couch to use it as a barrier the two of them. "Talk. Like civilized people. You understand what I'm saying, don't you?" Gendo was slow to answer, but he did. "Yes. You want to talk. Not have sex." Yui smiled despite herself. "Come here." She sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to her. Gendo ran over, hurdled the couch and landed next to her. Immediately, he made to hold her and kiss her, but Yui moved with the speed and flexibility of a monkey gymnast and planted her foot in his chest to keep him away. "Will you stop!" He paused and searched her face, then his eyes moved ever so slightly to take in the view of the position she was in. Yui squeaked and brought her leg down, her face blooming right red. "Pig!" "I'm sorry." Eyes wide as dinner plates, Yui whipped her head around and stared at Gendo. "What did you say? I think I misheard you." "I said I was sorry. For everything." Gendo shrugged and looked suitably embarrassed. This time, Yui smiled and put her hand over his. "I forgive you." "I'll try harder," he said quietly, "not to be such a jerk to you." That just melted everything, and Yui couldn't help but hug him tightly. Gendo returned it, rubbing her back. After the hug had lasted at least a minute, he spoke quietly in her ear. "Yui?" "Yes?" "Are we done talking now?" "Yes." "Yes!" Yui pulled away and stood up, keeping hold of his hand. "Come on." "What about your nephew?" Gendo asked, standing slowly and following her as she walked to the bedroom. "He's gone out. Don't tell me you're getting cold feet." "Whatever part of me is cold I'm sure you can warm up." With a smile, Yui opened the bedroom door. "You are such a tart, Gendo." "I'll take that as a compliment." He shut the door as they entered, and followed her to the bed. "I hope it's wide enough." "It only needs to be wide enough for one." "Gendo," Yui said sternly as she released his hand and reclined on the bed. "Yes?" "Lie next to me." Gendo didn't need to be asked twice, or even once really. He got on the bed next to her and laid on his side as close as he could get so there was enough room for them both. Yes, that was it. "You've been with a lot of other women, haven't you?" Yui asked quietly as she looked at him in the darkness and silence of the apartment. "Some. Probably not as many as you think," he answered, trying to pick out all the details of her face. "Oh, I don't think it's that many." Gendo sighed. "Yui, you're beautiful, and... I love you." She smiled then, and found she didn't need the alcohol at all to be brave as she leaned forward and kissed him. That's right; she already knew what was going to happen. And Gendo was picking up on whatever signals she was sending out. Yui tried to direct his hands to safe areas, but they were quick and greedy, and didn't care to follow her wishes. In fact, there was a moment of confusion and weakness where his hands avoided her own and pulled her sweater up, and she enabled him to remove it. With one less layer of armor, Yui's defenses and objections weakened, and her hands didn't move quite as fast when he started to undo the buttons of her shirt. They just kind of froze, like they were confused or surprised. They wanted to act in the best interests of the owner, but said owner wasn't acting as if such a thing was in the best interests any longer. In fact, stopping his hands, as one explored the tender flesh of her stomach, seemed like an extraordinarily bad idea. Yui sat up a bit abruptly and pushed Gendo's hands away. She could tell he was confused by the fact that he was breathing, but as soon as she started unbuttoning her shirt the rest of the way, he stopped thinking all together. She slid it off and could almost feel the heat from the laser-like gaze of Gendo on her skin. Her bare and vulnerable skin. And it was about to become even more bare as she put her hands behind her back to unhook her bra. "How do you do that?" Gendo asked. "It looks like your arms are on backwards." "It's a skill exclusive to women and male crossdressers." She worked for a few seconds, and then... "Ah. Gendo, let me ask you something." Gendo swallowed. "Sure," he whispered. "Do you know what happens when a bra, a constrictive device, gets removed at the end of the day?" Her bra was just hanging on her shoulders... "No," he answered weakly. "Would you like to find out?" Yui started to slip one shoulder strap down, her hand crossing over her breast so it was hidden from his view. "More than anything." Gendo licked his lips in anticipation. Yui removed her arm from the strap, and started to move her hand aside, revealing the pale glow of her skin and the darker ar-- "I'm home!" "It's Kaworu! Quick!" Yui whispered and turned away to throw her sweater back on. Gendo groaned and went limp. "Auntie?" "Be right there!" Yui removed herself from underneath Gendo and went to the bedroom door. She took a brief moment to compose herself, then opened it. Kaworu was right there. "Is there something wrong? You sound out of breath." "Nothing wrong! Everything's great! What are you doing back so soon?" She offered him a very large, very guilty smile. Kaworu arched an eyebrow. Dark bedroom, smeared lipgloss, oh dear... was she braless? "Did I... interrupt something?" "Ha ha ha. No, I was just... reading." "In the dark?" "Well... I..." Kaworu just patted her arm. "I'll just turn the volume of the TV up. Don't worry about me." He smiled and gestured into the bedroom with his head. "Have fun." Yui stuck her tongue out at him, then shut the door. "I bet he'll like that!" Kaworu said loudly, grinning. ------------------ -- omake -- Lara imagines Gendo and Yui in bed... [dream sequence ripple] Gendo: And this show we're working on... in it you're... you're my wife. Yui: [giggles] Oh really? Gendo: Yeah, but you're not around very much. You got absorbed into this giant robot, and I spend 11 years trying to get you out without care of anything or anyone else. Yui: Hmm. Is that a representation of your quest to finally get me into bed? Gendo: !!! Why... no, of course not! Yui: I knew that psychology major would finally pay off. Yui: [pondering] Or maybe it means you want someone who's emotionless and cold, but lasts forever in bed. Yui: Or maybe it means you want a tall, amazon-like woman. What color is the robot? Gendo: [frightened] Uh..purple? Yui: Or maybe it means you're gay! Gendo: It's a robot! It's not a metaphor for sex or my sexual identity! Mostly. - Lara "You know what the beauty of pancakes is? They're flexible so you can cram a lot into your mouth at once."