From: tyree3@pacbell.net Shinji the 10 o'Clock Assassin http://members.xoom.com/Shinji_2200/KNSImpact.htm tyree3@pacbell.net Axel Terizaki http://asukanotebook.tsx.org aterizak@club-internet.fr NOTE: The following fanfic should be considered a lime. Although none of the good stuff will be found within this fanfic, I'm not sure how strong my restraint will be. So be prepared. ************ Kensuke Aida would've never figured that he would live the ultimate in suburban life. A wife, a child, a nice home, a nice car, and a good paying job. It's a shame that he had to pawn all that military paraphernalia, but his wife said that they didn't need it in their new life. "It brings back bad memories," she'd said. Anyway, it's another good morning. The sun is up, and the weatherperson says that it's gonna be triple digits once more; so water had to be taken in by the gallons. Kensuke's getting dressed for work as he smells his wife's great home-made cooking from the kitchen. Kensuke: Time to eat! Asuka: So Kensuke. Where do they have you working now? Kensuke: At some newly refurnished power plant. Those rebels have been attacking that place for like eternity. And the managers hired the last company so they can "cut costs." But that didn't work...! Teri: Hey, mommy! Asuka: What is it, Teri-dear. Kensuke: What does "shag" mean? The two parents of this 7-year-old product of their love had said something which made time itself stop. Asuka goes into shock; her own daughter asking something like that in front of her. Her second eye would've bugged out if she hadn't lost it during the final war with SEELE and the "Cash Makin' Et Cetera Ad Nauseam Playahz... From Space!" Kensuke, meanwhile, just went sore... ************ KING NEON SUCCESSOR Vs. CHILD OF LOVE "My Greatest Love, My Harshest Pain." ************ Teri: Mommy? What's wrong with daddy? Kensuke: Nothing... I'm fine, dear... (Holding his groin in pain.) Asuka: (Looking at her husband in great suspicion... But then the doorbell rings.) Oh. It must be your friend at the door. Time for you to go to school! Teri: Okay, mommy! And with that, the young auburn-haired child takes her belongings and heads for the door. She greets her friend and to two head for school after saying goodbye to her parents. As soon as she left, Asuka turns to Kensuke who's still a little sore... And sits on his lap; causing him more pain. Asuka: Is there a problem... Kensuke my dear? Kensuke: Well... Heheheh... I always say that there's never a problem around when I'm with you, Asuka my sweet. But could you get off of my lap, please? Asuka: And why, may I ask, should I? Kensuke: Because I still haven't recovered from last month... Asuka: (Brings her face up to his and starts to speak with that accent that her husband liked so much.) That. Is. A. Bunch. Of. Buuuuuullllll. Kensuke: Asuka... Love... I can't... Asuka: (Smiling at him.) Ken-chan. I'm gonna go to the bedroom. And if I don't see you in five minutes... Kensuke: (With a big sweatdrop on his head because he knows what she's going to say next.) Asuka: Five... Minutes... His wife then gets up from his lap and heads down the hallway, removing a piece of clothing before going into their room. By this point Kensuke didn't have a choice. His work doesn't start for four hours, and he wanted to read some magazines downtown. He gets up from his chair, lines emitted from his head with depression, and goes to the room where a threat worse than all the Angels combined. -=**=- Daigouji: Hmph! The enemies of justice will get theirs! When I, Gai Daigouji, lay my vengence upon thee! Lucky: WILL YOU JUST CHILL OUT??!! Goddammit, it's only a game of Uno! Shinji: Yeah, Gai! By the way, thanks for your help in taking care of that incident, Vega. Vega: (Evil snicker.) But of course, my dear sweet Shinji. A man of my calibre should always be available whenever trouble arrives. Indeed, the "All New Gekiganer Team" are at the COBRA Private Security Center, spending an hour of playing Uno before their actual works starts. Field Supervisor Mylandah Arkar Walder is at her desk nearby doing some paperwork. Just then, a very sore Kensuke Aida enters the scene... Walder: Well! It is about time you showed up! (Soon takes a note at his posture...) Hey! And quit slouching! Daigouji: Salutations, Aida! Hey, what happened to you?! Shinji/Lucky/Vega: (In unison.) Wife Trouble. Daigouji: What?! Lucky: Your "happy marriage" isn't at all happy as it should be. Vega: You are now in misery due to the harsh attempts at making your wife happy. Shinji: He's married to Asuka. That explains everything... Kensuke: (In "Superior Bighead Mode.") STOP IIIIIT!! MY WIFE IS NOT SOME DEVIL THAT HAD RISEN FROM HELL!! (Blows Shinji and Vega away, Lucky's hat flies off and Gai's hair gets fizzled.) She's a normal human being like everybody else... Lucky: (Cleaning off his hat while Gai tries to remove the two thin people from off the wall.) So why the "Hunchback of Notre Dame," God? Kensuke: Well... You see... My wife... Is a fiend... ^_^; Lucky: Oh. She a superfreak, huh? Daigouji: She likes to engage in sin constantly, huh? Vega: If she's such a problem to you, then why don't you leave her? Shinji: ...So Vega here can replace you and commit some sin with her instead. Vega giggles like a schoolgirl on her first date while Gai and Lucky take turns smacking Shinji in the face with fishes. Kensuke is about to join in, holding a large salmon, when Shinji remembers something and ends up blurting it out; causing the onslaught to stop. Shinji: ...LCL... ...Side effects... Everyone: Huh?! Shinji: The... The side effects of LCL. I learned about it from Ms Akagi's science class. *Flashback* Asuka's being submerged into a pool of LCL. Shinji: Asuka was part of the E-Project until it was shut down. The experiments had gotten too deadly. It's been noted that whoever had been in this liquid for a long time will suffer some complications: Comatic phases, extra limbs growing on one's body, uncontrollable fits of anger... Possibly even... Vega: An extra sex drive? *End Flashback* After their shifts, the "Gekiganger Team" pays a visit to one of the scientist during the E-Project, Maki Kawasaki. Kawasaki: Just as I feared. Asuka's body must have gotten use to the LCL she was submerged into when she piloted the Evangelion. And the stress that had been built up in her are giving some of her brain cells a once-over. Shinji: A once-over? How's that? Kawasaki: Normally a person would engage in sex for up to four or five times in a night before giving way to sleep. Kensuke: So, fifty times would be... Everyone: FIFTY TIMES??!! EACH DAY??!! Kensuke: Every day! The time I don't spend on Teri or my job; I'd spend it with Asuka... (Feeling sore again.) Walder: And you're still alive?! What a feat! Kensuke: Well... I met with some guys over at Gill's committe... They had taught me some stamina-building techniques... Vega: But of course. More shameless Capcom plug-ins. Lucky: You know that SNK's got more G's in the set. Vega: And why, pray tell, does the line-up switch every year? Lucky: What was that, man?! Vega: Oh, are you deaf as well...? Daigouji: STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!! This is serious! If Asuka is that super a freak, then her child may also be in grave danger! Quick scene change to Teri Langley Aida in Mrs. Mihoshi Kuramitsu's homeroom class. Kensuke: That's not a problem. Aside from her mind-reading powers, she seems to be doing okay. And the doctors are keeping a close eye on her. If anything, I'm more concerned about my wife... Vega: Hey look! A shameless Tenchi Muyo plug! Lucky: If you don't shut that trap, I'll plug you into the wall! Shinji: Could you guys atleast wait until SNK Vs. Capcom is released? Just then, a missile crashes through the classroom and explodes. It would've killed everybody in a small radius if it was a truely explosive missile. But it caused a small enough meelee for the ninjas to grab Teri and kidnap her from the safety of her school... ************ KING NEON SUCCESSOR Vs. CHILD OF LOVE "And Knowing Is Half The Battle." ************ Kensuke makes it to his home... Where "She" is... And the product from "Her" will also be there as well... But he then notes that the lights aren't on that night. He goes into the house and turns the light on. Everything looks okay; Kensuke can't seem to imagine where Asuka would take Teri to... He goes toward the phone and finds a note nearby it... Dear Kensuke Don't worry about me, I'll be home soon. Just be sure to make dinner for us... But if I'm not back in two hours, call the police. ^_^ Loves and Kisses; Asuka -=**=- Six o'clock in the morning, a black van pulls up ten blocks away from the closed-down Packard Bell/NERV manufacturing plant. Six people are dressed in "Cobra Soldier" fatigue and are planning their move. Kensuke: I checked the call through the phone company. Some guy speaking in street-jive said that he'd kidnapped our daughter. I heard her voice in the background. Shinji: And as usual, ALA decided to go "Berserker Akane Tendo" on them, but it doesn't work in the 10 o'Clock Assassin's fanfic world. Lucky: Of course not! Brothaz are gettin' smarter these days. Vega: And so what, may I ask, is the plan of action? Daigouji: OFFENCE, OFFENCE, AND MORE OFFENCE!! Shinji: (Sweatdropping with everyone else.) And we'll have them paint those fences as well? Walder: I agree with the anime fanatic. We go in there, hit them hard, save Kensuke's wife and daughter, get them out of there, and then come back and beat the enemy senseless. Vega: No we shouldn't. We need to come up with a plan first. One with style and finesse. Shinji: No, that'll be the second thing they'll expect. Vega: Excuse me? Shinji: Why would someone close down PB/NERV due to it's breaking of hazardous material laws, and still be operating? There can only be one man that's good enough to do this sort of thing. Walder: Gendo The Bastard?! But we all saw him plummet to certain, 100% doom! Shinji: That's why he's a "cloning scientist." If he goes, he can always replace himself... -=- Ayanami: Asuka Langley Aida. Do you know why your daughter's here? Asuka, all decked out in a German SS uniform, seems to be no match for the "Cash Money Ninjas." No matter how pissed off she can become, the ninjas were not so easily intimidated and had managed to defeat Asuka easily. She's now strapped to a chair facing a blue-haired girl with red eyes, wearing a black suit. Asuka: Rei Ayanami! [Well how about that?!] The [doll] finally manages to take over PB/N and kick that [bastard]'s ass in the process! Ayanami: You think of the both of us so badly. And yet, you do not fully understand who you're speaking to. *AAAHH!! ANOTHER FLASHBACK!!* Gendo Ikari and Naoko Akagi have been fooling around for quite some time. In fact, Ritsuko is the product of the other love Yui and Shinji never knew about. One day, Ritsuko decided to pay a visit to his half-brother; having some X-rated fun on his bed and sharing with him the dreaded secret his father's been hiding. Apparently Yui was a little adventurous and was listening to the intence shagging and then said dreaded secret... The next day the head of PB/N smashed through a broken window; rolled up in styrofoam and cables, and fell headfirst into Maki Kawasaki's prized Nissan she hadn't finished payments on. Yui Ikari's now in prison, Naoko Akagi's now in hiding, Ritsuko's sharing an apartment with the couple Shinji and Mylandah, and Maki managed to get her car repaired after three months of using the bus. *WHEW!! END OF FLASHBACK!!* Asuka: GENDO??!! Ayanami: Correct. As you can see, I've managed to control this cloning process with the expertice of a rap-star. Those who though I had died after my wife's little tantrum will be totally caught off guard. Asuka: Okay... But WHY IS MY DAUGHTER HERE??!! Ayanami: Simple. She has the power of telepathy. And such power I must have control of. (Evil sneer, one that should never be seen on Rei Ayanami's face...) Asuka: You're not gonna start that stupid "Impact" thing, are you?! Ayanami: An Impact? Why would I start an impact when I have everything I need. If I can clone Teri's telepathic powers, then even the great mindf***er Annogelion will be no match for my superior powers. Asuka: You [Bastard]! I mean... You [Bitch]! Ayanami: A bastitch, a bitchard, a biznessyatchard? What's in a name? A character by any other name would still be... As brilliant... A quick scene change to poor Teri soaking in LCL... Asuka: You Snail, then! My husband and I will not stand for it! Ayanami: You mean your precious "Gekiganger Team?" They will not attack this place. They know exactly what the consequences are if they even conceive of such a notion. I have you and the girl in my possession. And besides, I have a mercenary attack team under my wings. They'll draw blood from your heroes before they even go within five blocks toward this place. Just then, a team of plumbers arrive at the front gate, lending their services to the old place. Guard1: HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!! I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WOULD NEVER COME!!! Guard2: Damn! These bathrooms are so bad now! We need all the help we can get, the professionals we are! Huh?! -=- After one hour, Asuka (still tied down to the chair) watches in horror and disgust as her prized child is submerged with LCL inside a tank. Reidou Ikayanami... Uh... Rendei Ayari... Whoever she is now! She's inside another tank beside Teri, submerged in the same LCL. The computer between them is cloning Teri's genes so she can have an exact replica of it. The poor former-second-children is about to empty her lunch before the process stops. LCL has been drained from both tanks, opening simultaneously to let their captives out. Teri is coughing out the rest of this weird liquid as well as her lunch while (Oh screw it!) Rei Ayanami exits the tank with a look of victory on her face. Another look that should never appear on Rei Ayanami's face... Ayanami: As you can see, dear Aida. I will be Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. With your precious daughter's new power, I will be all knowing and all se-PWWFF!! Gai Daigouji immediately does the trademark Gekigan Flying Kick to the blue-haired girl's face; immediately sending her flying to the ground. [From then on all characters appearing with have a cool background image as they pose.] Daigouji: Hmph! For someone who is now all knowing and all seeing, you did not know or see that flying kick! COMING FROM...!! [Gekiganger symbol] GAI DAIGOUJI!! Ayanami: (Picking herself up.) Well... It seems tha-POFF!! Lucky: (Twirling a basketball on his finger.) Yo, forget them bullets, man. Suckah doezn' even know how to stay dead. [New York Knicks symbol] Yo! Lucky Grover reprezentin' New York! Ayanami: (Her hand on her chin due to the pain from being hit with a basketball.) If you two think that... UAHH!! AAAAAHHH!! Ayanami's then been sent up to the air by a hurricane, belonging to a very irate Orochi Assassin. Shinji: You broke every rule in the Bible! You've been past forgiveness, but now you're just gonna die! [Yagami Crescent Moon symbol] Shinji "Senarashi" Ikari! Ayanami's still held within said hurricane. She tries to say something, but has been "Rolling Barcelona Izuma Dropped" by Vega. Vega: (Goes into his stance.) In the name of love, beauty, finesse, Europeans who write great fanfiction, African-Americans who refuse to follow bad hip-hop trends, and English dubbers who put fans before the bottom line; [Street Fighter Alpha symbol] I, VEGA, SHALL PUNISH YOU!! Ayanami, her head all jumbled from the RBID, is unable to comment at the moment. Just then the wall she stumbled to had decomposed so quickly that it sends her flying to the other side. One totally urinated purple-haired amazon in her athletic training suit enters the scene. Walder: [Battle Athletes Victory symbol] MYLANDAH ARKAR WALDER!! Okay, that's my "moment of Zen." Where's Gendo?! His groin is MINE to kick! Kensuke takes this time to free his daughter Teri and his wife Asuka from their bindings. Teri: Daddydaddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! Daddy came to save us!! Asuka: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PREPARE DINNER!!! Kensuke: And be a bastard like Gendo? I don't think so! Asuka: (Sneering.) Then expect some harsh punishment from me when we get home. Ayanami: You fools! (Slowly getting herself up like she's some great, evil power.) Do you actually believe I can just be knocked down by the likes of you people? I'll have you know that I've been prepared for just such a situation. Ayanami snaps her fingers... Nothing happens for fifteen seconds... Ayanami: ...my armed mercenary assault group... You pigs. What have you done to them? Shinji: Simple. We gave them something you didn't have the heart to give. By that time, all the people in her armed mercenary assault group are enjoying the confort of thoroughly cleaned and repaired restrooms and showers. Ayanami: Hmph... It doesn't matter now... I already have what I wanted... And now, you are all gonna die. Ayanami holds her right hand out, and a small flash of light appears from her palm. By this time, everyone in his radius are almost past the point of preparedness. Ayanami: Here I have in my palm the ability to destroy the whole city of Sacramento-3. Because of your inability to stay out of my way, I will annihilate everyone and everything you hold dear. And you will know my na--???!! AAAAHHH!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! The head of Rei Ayanami blows up like a balloon and explodes; blood flying out all over her used body as she colapses with a dead thud. Asuka has then turned Teri's head away in pure disgust. Everyone else just stared at the mess she made. Shinji: You know... For a world's greatest scientist, my dad sure is stupid. Vega: (Drawing his name into the blood with his claw.) And how is that? Shinji: It's like software; you copy the program, but unless it knows where it's at it will self-destruct. Lucky: Yo, man! Computers ain't like that! Are they? Daigouji: Who cares?! Just as long as justice is served, I can go home happy! Walder: Exactly. The otaku does some justice, and what he needs right now is a cigarette. Daigouji: HEY!! Vega: Shinji...? A question before we continue on... Weren't you married to Mizuha Miyami at the last end of KNS Report? Shinji: Well... The author likes Battle Athletes now and... Lucky: Mylandah Arkar Walder?! That gorilla would rather kill you than kiss you! Shinji: I DO NOT KNOW!! I just seem to attract the weirdest of women! Walder: Let's just say that I like my men like sole cushions: Small, easy to handle, and always able to support. And whilst the Gekiganger Team argue about the sudden plot change, the Aida family makes it back to their happy home. Kensuke kisses his wife and daughter good morning and heads to the bedroom; promptly going to sleep and hoping that his wife has already forgotten about punishing him. But... After an hour of calling the school for Teri's absence, giving her child of love a bath, and then sending her to bed with a kiss... Asuka: Kensuke-dear... Kensuke: ...uuuuuhhh... ...that weapon is really neat, misa... Asuka: Kensuke. It's Asuka. Kensuke: ...huh? What?! Asuka! (Oh please, Asuka. Forget all about it...) Asuka: Kensuke! Punishment! Now! Kensuke: (AW CRAP!!) Asuka: Kensuke. You will [censored censored censored censored censored]. And you will not stop! EVER!! Kensuke: Just because I didn't cook for you?! You're so cruel! Asuka: It's not because you didn't prepare dinner. It's because I just want you! Plain and simple! Kensuke: So it IS the sex drive. Spending too much time in that LCL really did make you a superfreak! Asuka: I'm not a superfreak because of the LCL, you dummy! I'm a superfreak because you'd probably cheat on me if I wasn't! Kensuke: *o*; Asuka: I wanna be more important to you than anybody else. I don't want you to leave me and go somewhere else for pleasure. I want you to stay here with me, Asuka Langley Aida! AAASS-KAA LAANGLEE AAIIIDAAAA! Kensuke: Asuka-san. I had a child from you. Why would I ever cheat on you? Asuka: Kensuke-dear. I've looked through your box in the closet... Kensuke: eep. Asuka refers to the pictures of Misato in her sensual form, despite the scar on her chest, in several of Kensuke's old dojinshi he did. Teri's in the room next to her parents; sleeping soundly and having nice dreams about her dad being a hero. And thanks go out to Asuka and her techniques in sound-proofing the wall between said rooms; so the young child's dream cannot be tampered due to the loud noises in the next room... The End For Now ************ Credits: Characters from Evangelion belong to Gainax. Characters from Nadesico belong to Xebec. Characters from Street Fighter Alpha belong to Capcom. Characters from King Of Fighters belong to SNK. Characters from Battle Athletes Victory belong to AIC/PIONEER. Characters from Burn-Up W belong to AIC/MRC. King Neon Successor belongs to Shinji the 10 o'Clock Assassin. Child Of Love belongs to Axel Terizaki. References from G.I. Joe belong to Marvel Entertainment. Lastly: NERV Commander Gendo Ikari should be hit with a truck. Eva Director Hideaki Anno should be hit with an even bigger truck. Manga Entertainment should have it's anime license removed. Hip-hop artist Puff Daddy should be thrown off Brooklyn Bridge. And Eggo (a reviewer from Gamefan) should be beaten to a pulp by female martial artists for insulting Asuka 120% Final Burning Fest (my favorite PSX import game.)