Comiket 75

It’s me. I’m still alive. This is not a Beowulf cluster of Linux PS3s that accidentally gained sentience in a freak thunderstorm and subsequently infiltrated the server that hosts this blog. In any case, this is (or has been) my first weekend out from boot camp and, as promised, here’s my article for the week.

I’m finally writing my Comiket article, two and a half months post incident. It’s an internet miracle.

Although this article is so late that it should given birth to two sets of octuplets by now, the delay also presented me with the opportunity to bring further introspection to the topic due to the obscene amount of time I spent staring blankly at the various concrete features that make up the pristine scenery surrounding my company line. Also, I happened to read Stalingrad by Antony Beevor while cleaning my SAR 21 rifle in camp and found it relevant to the horrors of Comiket.

Introduction

Comiket 73

Comiket is a twice annual event that celebrates the pinnacle of moé civilization, but it is also a merciless war zone where participants fight to fuel their primal desires. Comiket old timers earn their limited edition goods just as soldiers earn their Purple Hearts: though sweat and blood (although the ratio of sweat to blood differ slightly in each case). And as time passes and the glory of the past fades into the distant memories, both the lifelong otaku and the grizzled war veteran come to the startling realization that those badges of achievements they proudly display in their bookshelves are really just cheap trinkets made in China.

Planning

Planning is an important for a successful Comiket raid, just as in any wartime operation. The first step is battle intelligence, which comes in form convenient form of the official Comiket catalogue. It provides all the necessary timings and locations you need to know, albeit in a somewhat confusing and unfriendly manner.

Comiket
Catalogue on the extreme right

Of course, planning is not foolproof and reality doesn’t always play nice. As can be observed from Hitler’s mistake in his obsessive micromanagement of the Sixth Army, detailed plans that look good on paper can be completely worthless when that battalion of elite infantry on your strategic war map turned out to be a handful of Romanians with pack mules.

In the same manner, just because you have marked out and memorized the optimal routes to get yourself from booth to booth at Comiket doesn’t mean that you will actually get to buy everything you want. Sometimes it’s just impossible to get through the crowd, sometimes the doujinshi you want sells out, and sometimes the queues are just insanely long. Sticking to a plan carved in stone is dumb.

Staging

Getting to the battleground and supplying your troops is just as challenging as figuring out the best way to kill your enemies. Hardcore Comiket goers camp overnight to secure their places (it is a myth that overnight camping is not allowed at Comiket) while others take the first train there. The most important precaution for participants is to ensure that you have a proper bag that can be used to hold your expensive porn purchases without crushing them. If you end up carrying your loot in bits and pieces, you will end up moving from booth to booth at a much slower rate.

Comiket 75
Spot the unprepared guy

Your bag should be larger than you think you require, because Comiket is always full of unexpected booby traps that suck away your money. The Germans thought the Eastern Front was going to take a few weeks and ended up staying for two winters without any winter supplies before being encircled in the kessel of their final doom.

Battle

As you queue up around the perimeters of Tokyo Big Sight and go through last-minute checks of your equipment, mentally prepare yourself for the adrenaline rush of zero hour. When the gates open, it’s like a tamer version of the Soviet landing ships hitting the Volva’s western bank. People wearing Comiket armbands can be found every few steps directing the flow of human into and through the convention halls and ensuring that no one disrupts the preplanned pathways by taking shortcuts, just as the Soviet commissars watched over the herds of conscripts and prepared to shoot any potential deserters.

Comiket 75
“Go comrade!”

As a participant, there is only one way forward in this initial mad rush. Everyone tries to maintain a half-run walk so as to maximize speed without breaking the rules against running, and the sheer number of people around you means that it is highly impossible for you to steer yourself freely. It gets better later in the day as the number of combatants moving about drops.

Queuing and moving from booth to booth is a treacherous process that cannot be described with words alone. Proper meals are out of the question as the dining facilities in the area are overwhelmed by the demand. Much as how real wars consist of weeks of tedious marches and tasteless bread before the soldier dies from a stray bullet to the head within the first five minutes of a chaotic battle or perhaps capturing an objective or two if he’s lucky, the majority of Comiket experiences consist of standing in line for hours for a few seconds of gratification as you are finally relieved of your money. Just pray that the booth doesn’t run out of stocks just before your turn.

Comiket 75
Loot!

Eventually, the war toll adds up. In late afternoon, the convention halls become noticeably quieter and rows of war casualties line the empty spaces next to walkways. Those who failed to secure their coveted merchandises look tired and dejected, while the victors proudly showcase their hard-earned loot.

But unlike Stalingrad, for Comiket there’s always next year.

There are more to write about, but unfortunately I shall have to cut things short. In a few hours, I will be on my way back to camp to resume my patient wait for the next weekend while I perform the menial mind-numbing duties of a lowly recruit and live in the constant fear that my brain is slowly disintegrating from the lack of cognitive stimulus.

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