Basically they are…

– Get an early start. If possible, depart from the first station on the line. Considering the extra outlay to purchase a reserved seat ticket.

– Be especially careful if you commute on express trains with long intervals between stops.

– If you’re standing, grasp the strap with both hands, so they are visible to everyone in your proximity.

– Turn your back towards women standing close by.

– If you happen to bump against a woman, say “Pardon me” in a voice loud enough to be heard by other passengers and change your position.

– Under no circumstances should you stand beside girls of middle school age.

– Apologize promptly and profusely for any physical contacts with a woman, even arm contact.

– Chew gum or suck on bad breath mints — bad breath tends to annoy people.

– It’s dangerous to tap out messages on cell phones as some women may suspect a man is using the built-in camera to surreptitiously take her photo.

Some of my own suggestions:

• Carry two full grocery bags.
• Play with your PSP or DS lite.
• Learn to solve a Rubik’s Cube.
• Try juggling.
• Read a book. A huge one that requires two hands for support.
• Make out with your girlfriend. (Make sure she’s legal, though)
• Alternatively, read a porn magazine with one hand and use the other hand to uh…
• Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a walking stick.
• Pretend to have Alzheimer.
• Be a J-Pop idol.
• Be female.
• Failing that, dress like a female.
• Cut off your fingers.
• Carry an ID card that says that you are an Ass Inspector for the Ministry of Health.
• Buy a car so that you don’t have to take the train.
• Rent a car if you can’t afford one.
• Steal a car.
• Grope the girl for real since you might as well.

I like the last one personally.